mspain

My aunt is in her 80s and is infamous for her bashing letters, offending family members with her outspokenness, and extreme conservativism to the point of insanity (she all tried to get us to vote for Palin, saying "she's not black and she breastfeeds, too").

I aint messin with her. She aint messin with me. Ok that's fine.

PS- she replied to the email with one line. "I was talking about YOU, not Anwar. CAUTION: Treacherous waters ahead!"

Whatever, you cant waste your time with people like that and I certainly wasnt going to waste alot of time writing to her.

Meghan,

The letter shows that the person who wrote it is very close-minded. If I were you I'd have wrote a long reply answering every part with answers 'that would shut them up' before I asked her to stop talking to me again, but you still did good by closing the door for more interference in your life.

I also find the part Jenn quoted from the later racist. It does in a way sound wise and all, but if a person is wise enough would realize that s/he shouldn't discriminate against people or categorize them based on race, religion, nationality, etc.

I hope everything starts cooling down soon.

I agree Aya. I think marriage can be difficult for some and for others they know how to pull through things. I have seen couples who speak the same language, grew up in the same town, same religion that absolutely can't communicate or don't know how to make it work. It really has nothing to do with any of that- if you make it work with your husband, that's great. My fiance and I look at our differences, not as obstacles, but we look to what we can learn from each other and things like language barriers and how he'll adapt to life in the USA as an adventure. And we know itll be tough, but isnt that what keeps life interestin?

I'm not suggesting she throw out familial relationships. I just don't believe that particular book will change anything. I gave my mother that book before I married a Muslim Arab because I felt it was a simple enough for her to understand and thought it would help her understand Islam better. It failed and she ended up looking ####### up online to prove HER point. She wasn't even half as bad as Meghan's family. My family isn't exactly thrilled about Islam but now that they've met my husband they've softened up a lot and it's a non issue. It probably helps that he's not religious and not your "typical" Arab Muslim. They'd probably prefer if I had married a white, American Christian man but I didn't and they've learned to deal with it. Also, I did have a time of disconnect from my family while I was waiting for my husband to arrive. Once he got here he's the one who brought everyone back together. That helped as well. Anyways, maybe a time of disconnect wouldn't be terrible for Meghan. Not a complete cutting of ties just a "break".

That's exactly what I want. I just need some time for them to back away and let me do my thing until he gets here. All this drama of showing up unannounced at my house, ringing the doorbells and "checking up" on me at my house it too much. I moved out of their house six months ago cause I was done with shenanigans and foolishness. I really just need a break from them for awhile.

It's a good book, I agree. However, this family is hardcore I don't even think that will help them. Unfortunately. The book would probably be helpful for Meghan and I would also recommend it to her.

Yes, my family seriously is hardcore. I really do not care to ever speak to this aunt again (we have had issues before this) and I think my brief email pretty much sums up that I won't be speaking to her. I don't think any books or heart to hearts with her would ever happen. The reason I have never had any open discussion with my family is that there is no discussion- it's a monologue of the " my way or the highway" as far as what's right. I certainly don't want to discuss my love life or my hopes and dreams with them as there is nothing sacred in this family it seems.

However, I mentioned in an early post that I spoke with my mom and told her I was doing Ramadan. She knows what Ramadan is, made a disgusted face, started crying and left. I didn't think it was necessary to discuss more with her, because she looked pretty sad/upset. I'll save that for another day. But at least she knows now.

And as for not throwing away relationships, I do love my mother. But right now, I have to distance myself from her and show her that this is my choice and she needs to respect that.

I sent the following email back tonight:

I am just opening this email as I do not use this account anymore. Had I seen this letter before,I would have replied to tell you how dare you say such things about me and my future husband. Do not try to contact me. Do not try to speak to me. I do not want your advice, emails, or letters.

Hopefully this will get the message across

Thanks so much for the lovely stories from P, Zaytoona, Crossed fingers, and all. I enjoyed their sweetness and humor. I hope we hear more stories like theirs and more happy endings.

I got a visit from my mother today at my house. She wanted to know why I was treating her "this way" I was firm and straightfaced when I said I didn't like the way she behaved with me last time and that Iam fasting and do not want to be forced to do anything I don't want to do. I explained I was doing Ramadan and she made a disgusted face and some comments. She then turned and left with a very upset face and asked "Is this how you treat your mother?"

I pretty much can't deal with anymore drama, so what do I do? I open up my email to find a letter my aunt (the one who told me I was dead to her and she didn't know me.) This letter is like 5 pages long and really made me sick. I'm debating whether to post it or not.

Here's a short portion:

When you rode off last night on the elephant named Islam and stuffed him in the car with you, I felt a very deep sadness for you because if your relationship cannot bear the scrutiny of two innocent vital, life-altering questons from one who loves you unconditionally, ones that will be uppermost in the minds of not only every born-again Christian who knows you, but also every savvy U.S. citizen that your decision will affect, you will continue to be hurt and/or angry every time they surface.

Not only Christians, but every informed American who recognizes that Islam, whose guidebook, the Koran, demands that its members "kill the infidel", (that's us who are not Muslims)-and know of thousands of atrocities to prove it- is keenly aware that Muslims who believe their holy book are a grave threat not only to our country, but to each one of us individually. Some Muslims apparently do not believe it. . . . .

We are aware that Sharia law has taken over Dearborn, MI, of how Muslims are taking over Europe, of their goal to dominate the world, of their pervasive suppression of women, etc. You obviously are unaware of this perception/knowledge, choose not to believe it, or you simply suppress it because you are "in love"with one of them. Those of us who love you can see an indescribably hard road ahead for you if you persist on your present path, and because I am naturally outspoken, I can no longer remain silent. You need to know that your uncle Jim agrees completely, but his temperament and personality keep him from expressing his feelings on the subject. He strongly believes that I should send this letter, the draft of which he has read.

The letter goes on and really gets offensive.

I was forty years old with an M.S. degree in counseling when your mother became engaged to G B, Aunt K to B, and Aunt C S S in 1974, and all of us who knew the couples had deep misgivings regarding the decisions that they were making, but we kept our mouths shut for fear of alienating those "in love" girls with their heads in the clouds and their dreams in Brides magazine. I have since learned from experience, and from the Bible, that to remain silent is to do a person a grave disservice. If I saw you placidly floating down a calm river knowing that there are treacherous, deadly rapids ahead, it would be criminal not to warn you, which I hoped to do last night with you.

If, however, I had known that your s would become a lesbian, and then a man, I would have been crushed at her decisions, but again I would have kept my mouth shut for I had already participated in an intervention with the family at Tom's house which did not change the course of her life, but seemed to impel her to be more determined to go her own way. You can be assured that I will not attempt to intervene in your life again for you made your intentions clear last night by fleeing.

When I asked you if your decision to follow Christ and be baptized was real, and you answered yes, you need to know that at the moment you believed and accepted you became, with Christians all over the world, a member of the Body of Christ, who believe that the Bible is the guide to our attitudes and actions, and as such are committed to look out for each other. "When one member of the body suffers, we all suffer", so we are not islands unto ourselves, independent to make decisions that are diametrically opposite to its teachings. Our holy book very clearly warns us"not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers". We Christians believe that Christ is indeed God; not a "good prophet and teacher" as Islam declares. By Jesus' declaration that He is God, He is either the Lord, as He claims to be; a liar, who is pretending to be God; or a lunatic, who thinks he is God.

I asked you, "Why are you planning to marry a Muslim?" You responded that it was a personal matter between you, Anwar, and God. When I responded that Allah is not the God of the Bible, it was then that you completely withdrew, and the conversation ended when I was called to the computer room. I told Jeff that I had offended you by asking about your Christianity and why you were marrying a Muslim, and he responded that he couldn't talk with you about it . . .There was no time for further discussion with him since we were trying to scan a document.

My premise is that when the upcoming marriage of a close family member cannot even be discussed, then something is desperately wrong with the relationship . . . . . . .

Regarding your hypersensitivity to these very valid questions, which will definitely be in the minds of every Christian who saw you baptized, as well as every American who knows you: You probably have a wide circle of friends, fellow students, and colleagues, not to mention relatives, who will not only wonder, but some will have the audacity to actually ask you about your decision. Therefore, if you persist toward your present goal of joining your life with this man, you need to grow some thicker skin to be able to cope with the questions, and respond without having to go lick your wounds. I'm speaking the truth in love here, and if you are as intelligent as I believe you are, and as wise as you perceive yourself to be, you will at least think about what I am attempting to express.

I am wondering if you have done everything in your power to assist the Holy Spirit in converting Anwar to your faith . . .If you have and he is still resistent, then you will be deliberately disabeying the commands of Jesus (to Whom you vowed your allegiance when you committed your life to Him, and sealed it with your Christian baptism) if you unite your life with an unbeliever! Serious consequences will be yours, and I could not, in good conscience, continue to make small talk last night with the giant elephant in the room without at least raising those most important questions which will affect your entire life forever. The most important decision a person will ever make is whether or not she/he will commit to Christianity because it determines where you will spend eternity. The second most important decision is if, and whom you will marry, for this decision affects your life until you die. If I didn't love you unconditionally, I would have pursued the aforementioned 'small talk'as I am quite adept at it, and it is WAY easier to do so, but because I care deeply for you, I had to raise the issues when I had a minute with you privately.

That you responded in such an immature manner, more like a petulant, defiant 12-year old than a mature woman soon to be a quarter of a century old, my gut feeling about your unreadiness for the second most important decision in your life, is confirmed. You recall that the last time you were here, you stayed in this room with the computer the entire time so that we had absolutely no time alone with each other to discuss this subject. . . .I continue to wonder what that was about since you were not physically ill . . .

You may, or may not know that married life, even with someone with the same background, socio-economic status, education, religion, race, cultural values/traditions, and the same English language in common with all your associates, is not a walk in the park! Having been married for almost 60 years to your uncle Jim, who is an absolute prince, we have experienced some really hard times relationally even with all the commonalities. You haven't a clue to the pitfalls that potentially lie ahead with a North African who shares few or none of these commonalities.

Because you lived with Anwar in Spain, you probably think that you know everything about him, but you haven't yet introduced him to your family and friends, sent him to take care of business alone, allowed him to function without your translating and interpreting for him, had to meet alone with another man for business related to your work, or even a male physician, cover for his ignorance of our customs and his social faux pas',attempted to have and raise children with him, deal with his lack of employment, etc., etc. Love is not enough! I regret that it is a subject that you are unable or unwilling to discuss, for if your relationship were transparent and exposed to the light of day, you may gain some greater insight into your future. Sometimes older people have accrued some wisdom that they are willing to share that can benefit younger ones who lack their experience. Prudent and mature people at least can bring themselves to listen.

With a heart that is breaking for you, and much love, I will close this very long letter, with the intense and sincere hope that you will give careful consideration to the concerns that I have expressed.

This is pretty intense. What do you think?

Update: We are officially in AP.... this could be a good thing...

Everyone's family is different. I certainly empathize with what the OP is going through. I don't like hiding anything from my family, and I don't like carrying on my religion behind some secrecy. However, I think if I came out about it all today, it would cause unnecessary pain and stress. I know my family, and I know they will eventually come around, and I don't want them to do something rash like skip our wedding because they blame my fiance and then a year later after they've cooled down realize what they missed out on. This isn't to say that one way is better than any other, or that I've found the best path. It's a hard, messy situation no matter what - and as we all seem to agree, it's not at all surprising that it is such a challenge. Some families may feel more betrayed at the lie than at the conversion itself; I am positive that my family has different priorities.

Did I mention I have an older brother who tried to divorce himself from the family after they tried doing all kinds of interventions for something unrelated. Then several years after this, my parents had another falling out with him because they didnt agree with his personal decisions and did not go to his wedding. They get along, sort of, today, but when I ask my mom if she would take it all back and go to his wedding, she said she still wouldnt go and she also has told me she will do the same for my own.

I think I may have to take the previous posters advice and just cut them out of the equation, at least for awhile.

Anyway, I'm glad your family is taking it well and I like what you said about baby steps.

Oh, my gosh, you have just described my life, except with a lot less seafood. My parents are not big drinkers AT ALL but they do enjoy wine with "special occasion" dinners and some other nice evenings. They don't sit around and get drunk or anything, but one evening they might watch a movie and have a glass of wine with some strawberries and chocolate or something. Before converting, I was also a foodie who enjoyed wine with certain meals. I stopped eating pork many years ago so that wasn't a tip-off and we don't live together so they can't hassle me about Ramadan the way your mother is, but maaaaaaaaaaaaan they pressure me about wine. You'd think I was sinning by NOT drinking the wine! What you described really resonates with me, because my parents treat it in the same way. They don't come out and TALK about it openly, they just push, and push, and push, and push. "Why don't you have some wine? Don't you like wine anymore? It's a pinot, that's your favorite. Oh, it goes so well with the meat, wow, you should try this. Just a sip. Why won't you take just a sip? How about a small glass. Aren't you going to toast with us? When was the last time you had any wine?"

Oh my gosh, they do that too with wine! I know what you mean about it's almost a sin NOT to drink. Once my mom tried to spike some lemonade and get me to drink it, but I got a whiff of it and outsmarted her. It's like it's the same childish game of push and pull. ...The sip thing is what kills me- I can't tell you how many times I've heard that. Oh and we have Mardi Gras here and if you aren't drinking they think something is wrong with you.

I was just trying to help sweety! I hope you didnt take offense to anything I said. I, like you had the same thing with my mom who said he could get me over there and keep me and if I did anything wrong he could have me stoned to death or beat me and his family could kill us both if they didnt agree to this marriage. Not saying that there are not bad Muslims out, but there are also people who call themselves "Christians" that dont deserve to call themselves that. Again, total ignorance because they have not been there and experienced it first hand. You have some very other good ideas listed on here from others, what ever you decide to do, I do wish you the best! Take care!

No offense taken. Sorry if it came off like I was.... I guess I shouldve taken that last post and split it in two.

I sincerely meant what I said when I said I enjoyed your story and that I was glad your family has become more accepting.

No matter what anyone says, it's all about your intentions and what's in your heart. I did Ramadan before becoming a Muslim with my fiance several years ago and I know what you are going through. I honestly feel that anyone who has ever fasted for whatever reason would understand what you are feeling. If anyone is criticizing you or belittling you for feeling how you feel, they probably have never been in your situation. If they say ugly things to you, ignore it because they dont know what they're talking about because theyve never actually fasted.

Well it's iftar in a few minutes here. Stay strong and take care of yourself. If you are sick, pregnant, breastfeeding, menstruating, travelling, etc. you are excused. Once again, it's what's in your heart that matters.

Thanks Monica, you and Hicham have been in our thoughts and prayers since before June. Hoping everything works out for you two! And you're right- all that really matters is that you are at peace with the decisions you make because ultimately you are the one who has to live with them.

I totally agree with Msheeshas post. By hiding and being dishonest you are giving the impression that you are ashamed or embarassed by your conversion. look them in the eye, hold your head up and tell them you are fasting for Ramadan because you are Muslim/

I get that you're trying to give advice, but I don't think you know my family or the way things are down here. I'm not ashamed that I'm Muslim. I just can't deal with any of their ####### right now and certainly don't need them all coming over to my house banging on the doors to have an intervention and bringing the pastor to lay hands on me and speak in tongues over me. And yes, they WILL do that, because they've talked about doing it to my fiance. You also need to read about how pushy my family can be. They absolutely do not take No for an answer.

I really didn't want this to turn in to an advice forum, which I already mentioned from Tamara's post that I just started this forum for people to share stories about their difficulties with their families in converting to Islam and for us to be able to support each other, not try to criticize or attack each other. Thanks. Let's keep the tone right.

Alhamdulelah sis, it's so good to hear that you are fasting! Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah reward you for your struggles and patience in dealing with your family. Just hang in there, Allah rewards those who are patient and tests those whom he loves.

Some of it is hard to recall but when I first converted I think I was very forthcoming with my intentions soon after I was sure that I wanted to be a Muslim because I felt very strongly about it, although with my dad it was a bit hard to deal with and I think I emailed him about it. At first, when I was looking into Islam I guess because I was so interested by it, it was all I could really talk about to my sisters and my mother so I think they saw it coming. It's hard for me to remember all of the details, but my family did know. I was living with my father at the time and we basically did not talk very much at all, before or after I began looking into Islam so he just ignored me, until I decided to wear hijab and began to pray. He was very angry... Had several arguments with me about how religion is stupid, that god doesn't care what I do, and that He (god) is laughing at me (my dad does not believe in organized religion, but believes in a god that just "watches" us). He told his whole side of the family about it, and of course he told them his own version. He also made sure to tell them that Islam was an evil sort of "cult", sent them emails and website links that spread hate about Islam, said they treated their women like property and that I was an "idiot", a "stupid immature girl" And was going through a fad. He basically slandered my name to his whole side of the family. He told me that I couldn't pray in his house or wear the "stupid scarf" on my head and that I was degrading myself, and that anything pertaining to Islam had to be gotten rid of or at least put in my car so it wasn't in his house, so I moved out the next morning while he was at work. I moved in with my grandparents and continued to practice. My grandma was very upset, she cried some and would argue about Jesus, bring up religion all the time and try to get me to eat pork even by lying and saying there was no pork in her food. Also she'd insist there was nothing wrong with drinking. She still bugs me, and says "You have gorgeous hair, if I were you I'd show it to everybody!". Alhamdulelah though, some people have experienced much worse and have even had physical abuse. I am just glad I am able to practice Islam. Everyone's story is different and so interesting.

Again, May Allah reward you Sis, I am so happy for you.

Thanks so much for sharing this story with us Rachel. I think we have alot in common and I appreciate your words of encouragement. Have a blessed Ramadan!

Meghan - I converted years ago, prior to meeting my husband, and fasted for several years prior to medical issues stopping me from fasting from food during Ramadan. I believe that my family (practicing Christian Catholics) was accepting because I was open and honest with them from the beginning. I don't think you can engender respect from your family for your beliefs and actions without being honest with them about it. While it may be an open secret, I think that you are contributing to the disrespect by not dealing with it head on. Honestly, I think you are contributing to issues by not honestly putting everything out on the table honestly. How can they respect and honor your decisions and actions when you're not addressing it directly yourself? They can easily be reading your ommissions as shame about your decisions. Why would they honor and respect it when you're not showing pride and maturity yourself?

I don't mean to be harsh and I hope you aren't offended, but from my perspective, you really seem to be contributing to the situation. You should not be ashamed of your decisions or hide behind your fiance about them. By doing so, I think that you're giving your family free reign to do what they are doing.

Also, with regard to not sharing with your family that you are Muslim until your fiance gets here, I think you are potentially putting your fiance in a very unfair situation. Your family seems to already have enough negative assumptions/feelings about your fiance and your relationship. Why not be strong on your own and deal with the conversion before he gets here so that your fiance will not be dealing with transition to a new country, etc AND having to deal with your family's feelings about your conversion all at once.

Just some food for thought from my perspective. I hope it's of some benefit to you.

Peace.

Thank you for your post. This has given me something to think about. My fiance is telling me to wait to tell them, but I do feel that I could easily have avoided this whole incident had they just known from day 1 this is what I'm doing and that I have already made my decision. Thanks again.

People fear what they dont know. Just a suggestion, but if you printed out things about Islam and left them at their house, do you think they would read it? Or if you actually sat down with them and just told them what you are doing and how you feel, would they listen? If you educate them more maybe they wont put so much pressure on you. I had somewhat of a problem with all of my family and some of my friends when they found out that my now husband is Muslim. Mom wouldnt talk to me, Dad just shook his head. But after I printed out papers and talked with them about it, the more they eased up. Now they talk almost everyday to him on webcam. Just try! I wish you the best of luck. Take care!

Dear DreamnJordan

Thanks for sharing. I'm glad your family is finally accepting and is adapting well. I began speaking to my family about Islam years ago and bought books, etc. But my family did the same, only different... for example my dad would print out articles about true stories- one was a heterosexual moroccan man who had a relationship with a French man so that he could move to France. Also stories about honor killings and that stories that say the religion supports beating women. Terrorist stories. My aunt recently told me I was dead to her and she didnt know me- three years ago she said " How can light have union with dark?" Another aunt told me, before I moved to Spain to be with my fiance, wrote me a letter to tell me I was throwing my life in the garbage by marrying him. They'll leave out evangelical books about Muslims turned Christians and at dinner they'll pray for my fiance's mortal soul that he doesnt burn in hell. It's ridiculous! I'm fed up!!!

My mom has seen me in pictures with the veil and knows that I would wear it when I was living outside the US. She also knows that I have expressed positive opinions about Islam.

Most people are probably wondering why I dont just tell my family already. I am waiting for the opportunity to express my wish to convert to my family, although I said my shahada Ramadan 09. My fiance wants me to wait till he gets here (just had visa approved Aug 12) before we officially tell my family. My fiance is almost always right about the best way to handle a situation and I trust his judgment completely. He also led me to Islam and taught me so much about the way to lead a good life that I did not understand before, so I am choosing to remain silent until he arrives.

My mom knows I am fasting for Ramadan. She just wants me to admit it so the whole family can basically do what they did the first time to me all over again.

You had to have known that coming from a christian family its unacceptable to be married to a muslim. Its no surprise that your mom would react this way if she thinks you have converted or thinking to convert.

This post is for sharing stories for people with similar experiences, not for ugly comments or advice. I also never mentioned being surprised as this has been going on for more than three years. Thanks for you opinion.

Anybody have a similar story?

My fiance and I have been together for three years now. I was born into a Christian family, but made the decision to practice Islam. Three Ramadans ago, not yet a Muslima, I decided to do Ramadan as much as I could. My family would be mortified if I had told them, but I did mention my fasting to a cousin, and it later got back to my family that I was fasting and it was a scandal, but no one talked about it openly- just behind my back. Last year I was fortunate enough to be living in Granada where my fiance lives and was able to do Ramadan freely. Now I am back in the states awaiting my fiance and practicing Ramadan in my own home. My fiance thinks it is best we do no discuss my practicing Ramadan with my family because of how upset they would get and cause alot of problems for me. However, my mother has been picking at me since the first day of Ramadan to get me to eat, admit I am doing Ramadan, or just bring up the subject of Christianity with me. First of all, she called me up the first day of Ramadan to have dinner (scallops- my favorite) with them at six- I told her I'd be busy till later and might stop by. Then she started asking me what I ate for lunch in the cafeteria at the school where I work and went on about how they ought to have crawfish etoufee, shrimp scampi, baked chicken or whatever at the school. I finally told her I couldnt talk since she refused to change the subject. She called me back ten minutes later saying she was going to stop by my house to bring me some homegrown vegetables and some pastries, and she wanted me to make a pot of coffee. Told her I was going to be out running errands and hung up. She called me a couple of minutes later to say they would have dinner early and that I could run my errands later. Told her sorry, cant.

She knows exactly what she's doing and knows I'm fasting but wants to tempt me. So I never went over to their house and I broke fast at the appropriate time at home. I ignored her call the next day, but called her back Sat. morning. She said she wanted to go to this new store that just opened and did I want to go with her. I told her sure, but we'd leave at 9 cause I had to be back for 11 ( I did not want to get stuck with her at lunch). She shows up at my house at 1030, of course, we both silently know this is on purpose. Anyway we go to the new store, then to the bank. I needed to stop by target to get something, but on the way (she's driving, my mistake, I shouldve driven) she says we ought to go to my favorite cafe and get my favorite salad there. I told her I didnt have time and needed to be back soon cause I had to be at work at 1. So what does she do? Orders it to go. I tell her really, Im not hungry and I'll eat later.

So shes being very obnoxious about it all and waves the food in my face when she gets back in the car. I'm trying not to make too big of a deal but shes really overdoing it. We get back to my place. She starts dishing everything up, I tell her not to get me a plate cause I still have to get ready for work, etc. and I'll eat later. She refuses and almost physically forces me to eat with her. I tell her to stop being childish and pushy and that I'm leaving for work, shell have to eat alone. She says "NO Come back and tell me why you're not eating. Jesus would want you to eat. Come back." I ask her if she knows how to lock up after herself and I leave the house for work.

I call my fiance on the way and tell him the ordeal. He tells me I did right in not eating and that I have to be a little harsh with her so she'll stop. She is seriously pushy!

He tells me I ought to be nice to her next time, but let her know I'm not going to put up with any foolishness. So later when she calls I hesitate to answer, but pick up. She wants to know at 5:30 if I want to eat crabs. I tell her maybe, that I'm taking a nap and I'll let her know later. She asks me if I'm taking a nap because I'm hungry, I tell her I'm taking a nap because I'm tired. She asks me if I will go with her to church tomorrow, I say maybe. She says " that sounds like no to both" and I tell her I'm tired and I'm going back to nap.

I never went to her house or anything so here I am. The big pink elephant in the room. They know, I know, but no one wants to say the R word and I know if someone says it, they will launch a Christian "jihad" on me and will make a huge deal for months about it just like they did when I got engaged "to a Muslim".

I'm pretty much disgusted with their behavior and wish my family would stop the pushiness and the evangelizing. You cant force anyone to do anything even if they are your child.

They same thing happened when I stopped eating pork and drinking alcohol several years ago and they still try to get me to eat/ drink it.

Anyone have any similar stories?

Thanks to all who have answered. I appreciate the words of support and advice. I do have another question/ concern about the interview.

Both my fiance and I were asked what my family thinks about the relationship. This has been an issue from almost day one- not too hard to figure out... my family is Christian, we live in the "Bible Belt" and in the south where, to many people skin color, how much money you have, and how many karats you can afford matters. My family is not particularly thrilled and would much rather I be engaged to a doctor's son with freckles and blond hair and a church membership.

However, my fiance and I agreed that we would not make this public information in our lives (yes, I know I'm sharing this over the internet, but it's for a reason) because it is a " verguenza" (a shame, humiliation). We both had the same answer at the interview because we had talked about this earlier, but we are a little bit concerned that the consulate may contact my parents to verify the facts (since they have their phone # from the G-325A form). My family may just be crazy enough to say something outrageous to the embassy which may give us more grief.

How likely would it be that the embassy calls my family? Even if my family does say something negative about our relationship, I am 24 years old and old enough to make a decision about who I want to marry, so why should it matter? Or could this be grounds for cancelling the visa?

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks.

Where does is say Obama admits hes muslim?

Congratulations on your interview. It's not highly unusual that a background check is done. If you don't mind my asking, what is your nationality? Sometimes, if you are a foreigner in Spain they will run additional background checks. Hope this helps. My fiance had his interview this week at Madrid and we are still waiting to hear too. Good luck and let us know how everything turns out.

Hi all, my fiance just his K1 interview in Madrid. For those of yall who don't know me, my fiance is Moroccan with Spanish residency. His interview was yesterday and the lady told him he was totally approved three or four times when he asked and that his visa should be at his address in 1-2 weeks.

This was very exciting news. I had sent a few emails to the embassy stating my support and that if they needed any info to contact me. I assumed they didnt need to since he was already approved and left my phone on vibrate yesterday after the interview while I was at work. However, they called me while I was in a meeting and did not leave a message. I called back ten minutes later and got the answering service. They are only open 8-10 am US time or 3-5 Spain time. I emailed them last night stating that they could contact me by email. I'm a teacher and today was the first day of class where I teach at a new school. I called during their hours between class changes and got the busy tone. Then I got a call from them during class and felt I had to answer it (*breaking school policy on the first day * )or I wouldnt get a chance to talk with them and maybe risk our visa processing getting held up. I excused myself to the restroom and took the call.

I was "interviewed" the same 10 questions as my fiance the day before and had sent him with a mountain of paperwork and evidence that explained all of the answers to the questions, but they did not want to take on the day of the interview. I have read every single review for the Madrid consulate and have spoken with at least a dozen people who have done their interview there and this has NEVER happened. I answered everything perfectly but felt a little nervous and jittery since I was leaving my class all alone on the first day of school to take a call and I think my nervousness came out in my voice. I know nervousness looks like a redflag to them, should I try to contact them and explain whats happening?

My fiance was told he was approved several times and his passport was taken, no 221g. However he was not give a piece of paper from the delivery service to call if the visa takes more than 2 weeks, which is given at this consulate. I'm hoping she is new and just is trying to take extra steps like calling me and making rookie mistakes like forgetting to give us the delivery paper. My fiance said she was African American, and I have only heard of a blond lady and an older lady doing K-1 so maybe she is new. I really just hope we are not being harassed. He is completely legal in Spain and we have 3 years together so I don't see how this could be a problem.

Are we being harassed?

Does it sound like they changed their minds?

Does it sound like AP?

Should I send more proof via email?

Anyone have any insight? Should I make a big fuss at the embassy or should I just lay low?, but I dont want to get put on AP..... Maybe I am just nervous from not eating all day and missing my fiance.

Hi everyone,

I'm going to be filing for AOS soon and was wondering about the I-485 and tax info. I have a great job now and make more than the required amount, but only have two years of tax transcripts as I was a college student before. I was also only working part time during these two years because I was still studying. How important are these tax forms and do you think I will be ok at AOS with my current income and two years of transcripts? Thanks