Crisscat

May 27, 2008

Hi...........anyone familiar with a good ole English Fish N Chip resturant in Illinois or Indiana?

Post your reviews on where you think the best Fish N Chips are.....

May 16, 2008

Its actually harder to adjust for some compared to others.

My husband is from England and I always thought that his transition would not be a real problem other than missing family, friends, etc.

Boyyy was I wrong. Even though we are of the same English speaking background we still had some obstacles to get over with communication

and how to fully understand each other.

I tried almost every suggestion or idea I could think of or get from others to try and help his adjustment to the states. He has always said the small

town where we live is cramped, run down and few jobs. He's right, it is. We had a really difficult first year together; much more than I care to admit.

I tried incorporating things that I thought would ease his homesick feelings. Like cooking more English style meals, etc.

When a male is at home playing the house mouse role it isnt a pretty site lol. They tend to dwell on what they should be out doing instead of being

couped up in a house all day. It literally drives them bonkers I think.

We had a turning point when my husband decided to use some of his money that he brought over with him from England to start up his own little business. The first year was good for him. The second year even better. It kept him busy and he was earning some money finally. Not alot but enough

that it made him feel he was contributing to the household in a small way.

He kept telling me he didnt know what types of jobs to apply for or where to apply. So with his permission I began the "job hunt" for him. I created a resume for him and began submitting it all over. Sure enough, this worked and he got a job right away. It didnt work out for him because he hated it but it opened the door for another job so he left one and fell into the other. Everything worked out well.

He has currently been working the same job now for 2 1/2 yrs. He loves it. It is similar to a job he did back in England and they have great respect for him. They treat him very well and he enjoys the work to.

In my humble opinion, I think its all about obtaining work (moreso for males I think) because it gives them a sense that they are contributing

to the household and earning money.

Like so many others have suggested on here, try and help him obtain a job even if its something small to start, at least he will be earning money and

he wont have as much time to dwell on the things that are bringing him down.

Good luck to both of you!

Sharri

May 16, 2008

We got ours but it wasnt a week early for us like they were saying.

Ours should have got here technically on May 9th. The reports were they were gonna be coming earlier than expected; however,

we got ours direct deposit on May 12th and then we got a letter in the mail that said our direct deposit would be arriving soon.

That was dated May 14th LOL. So the letter was later than the deposit.........oh well.......money is here and safe in savings.

Sharri

May 16, 2008

Id ask first before not doing anything. So many dumb little things can happen to provoke an RFE.

I know it did in my case. I left some paperwork that I called "non-essential" stuff home thinking it wouldnt be

asked for..........well guess what? It was and it caused us an RFE. :wacko:

It was my own fault though so no one else to blame but me. Everything worked out great because all I had to

do was submit the info once I got back home.

But in your case, you may want to check all avenues and resources first before your interview takes place....just in case.

Sharri

May 16, 2008

Hello..........Ive always had good luck with airfare.com

They seem to flucuate in their prices and when they put tickets on sale......boy do they go fast.

Try checking there......dont know if it will do you any good or not but worth a peek I think.

Its from the US side though going international......so not sure if thats what you are looking for or

not but perhaps it could help someone else going from USA to where ever..... :blush:

Sharri

May 15, 2008

Thanks.......... :star:

May 15, 2008

Thanks.....Ive PM'd you back...... :thumbs:

May 15, 2008

Many thanks for all your well wishes and clear thinking lol. My thoughts certainly have not been.

Removing the passport from the home is a great idea and Im going to do that today (just in case). Its better to be safe then sorry right?

I wasnt aware of the Hague Convention on child abduction. I mean Ive heard of it just couldnt remember the name of it......thanks for bringing that up!

I will definitely do some research on that as well.

Everyone is right.......I have alot of soul searching to do and alot of thinking. Sometimes its the secrets that get to us the most......or at least in my

case that is certainly ringing true.

I might suggest counseling tonight when he gets home from work........not sure he will speak to me about it as we have stayed clear of each other

lately. I did find out more information through chatting with his "online honey from England" she didnt know she was talking to me and she gave me

loads of info and about another yahoo account I wasnt aware of...... :huh:

Well as the ole saying goes......when it rains it pours.........and it is certainly flooding in Southern Illinois today...... :unsure:

Just when you think you know someone.......something like this comes up.......Ive known him since Feb 2001 and thought he was the most honest person Ive ever met. I completely trusted him and I always thought I made a good judgement and satisfied any inhibitations I felt about having

an online relationship with someone.......especially from another country.

I guess we cant know someone as much as we think we can............bummer :unsure:

May 15, 2008

Many thanks for all your well wishes and clear thinking lol. My thoughts certainly have not been.

Removing the passport from the home is a great idea and Im going to do that today (just in case). Its better to be safe then sorry right?

I wasnt aware of the Hague Convention on child abduction. I mean Ive heard of it just couldnt remember the name of it......thanks for bringing that up!

I will definitely do some research on that as well.

Everyone is right.......I have alot of soul searching to do and alot of thinking. Sometimes its the secrets that get to us the most......or at least in my

case that is certainly ringing true.

I might suggest counseling tonight when he gets home from work........not sure he will speak to me about it as we have stayed clear of each other

lately. I did find out more information through chatting with his "online honey from England" she didnt know she was talking to me and she gave me

loads of info and about another yahoo account I wasnt aware of...... :unsure:

Well as the ole saying goes......when it rains it pours.........and it is certainly flooding in Southern Illinois today......

Just when you think you know someone.......something like this comes up.......Ive known him since Feb 2001 and thought he was the most honest person Ive ever met. I completely trusted him and I always thought I made a good judgement and satisfied any inhibitations I felt about having

an online relationship with someone.......especially from another country.

I guess we cant know someone as much as we think we can............bummer :unsure:

May 15, 2008

Thanks CharlesandNessa.....and Trelawny..........those are both good points to take into consideration. I never even thought of that myself.

Usually I have a pretty good head on my shoulders but in lew of recent happenings and arguments........my intelligence has been cloudy..... :unsure:

Thanks!

May 15, 2008

Well.........I never thought Id ever have to ask this type of question in VisaJourney..... :unsure:

Its been a long road to permanent residency for us. We were so glad this stage was finally over and the 10 year

green card was obtained......phew......finally......... :thumbs:

But then........things didnt seem to be as they used to be years ago for us.... just over the last year Ive noticed

my husband now stays at work longer, we argue more, and he'd rather be on his laptop then doing things with me and

the kids. Now let me say this......he's not the only one guilty of spending too much time on the net as I have done that myself.

I am taking classes online and I surf ebay alot.

Anyway, I came across a girls name on his yahoo messenger friends list. Instead of asking him about it I thought Id be sneaky

and put his message archive on. (By the way, I have a yahoo ID as well and my archive is on all the time so that if he should

ever want to see any conversations I have with anyone they are there for his viewing.....I have nothing to hide). He must though

as he has been speaking with this woman in Northern Illinois for several months.....maybe longer who knows. I cant get him to tell

me the truth about it. At any rate I found this out right before Valentines Day and I had planned a romantic getaway for us. Then I saw

an instant message between him and her and he was trying his damnest to get this girls phone number so he could call her and she

could hear his "british accent"...... :blink:

I decided I wasnt going to cancel the weekend trip and I decided not to say anything to him about it until afterwards and when I questioned

him on it boy did he blow a head gasket on me. We got into a really big fight over it and he ended up deleting this girl from his IM list. This

seemed to drive a wedge right between us. His time online became more and more so I did something that I thought Id never do to him.

I got a program and watched everything he did on his laptop. To much of my horror over a month period I have found that he watches

women camming in yahoo and adultfriend finder (sex site). And apparently he has a girl that he has been speaking to from England where

he used to live for over 4 years now.

We got into a major fight as I questioned him on "his activities" and questioned him about who Lisa was (the girl from England) who sent

him an email asking if she could be his sex slave......his reply was HELL YEAH.......... I feel as though our whole relationship has been

on deceit and him doing whatever other activities he does online. It seems through this whole ordeal I have found myself not knowing the

person I married. I seem to learn something different as each passing day goes by.

Our fight escalated to the point of him returning back to England......not a very good night indeed for anyone.

This brings me to the question for anyone that may be able to direct me in the right direction.

We have had one child together since being married 4 yrs now. During our fight my husband said he would be taking our daughter back to

England with him. I said like hell you will. She was born here in the USA. She doesnt have British citizenship or a British passport. She does

however have a US passport.

Is it possible for him to take her out of the USA? I understand our daughter is his child as well but all I can see now is a battle over who will

have custody of our little girl and I dont want another huge fight again. Its very mentally draining. He doesnt want to leave now after I told him

I would fight him for custody of our daughter. So we are currently co-existing together.

Anyone have any suggestions, comments, thoughts, or ideas of my dilemma?

My apologies for having to post this "dirty laundry" in here as well as the Regional UK section; but I am wondering how this can affect the

custody of our daughter if anyone has any thoughts on this.

Thanks

Sharri

May 15, 2008

First, thanks so much for all the well wishes and prayers during this difficult time, I really do appreciate the kind words and thoughts of encouragement.

Ill try to answer each one of your questions or at least comment to some who have asked questions.

Thanks elmcitymaven & stevi1123 for your kind words!

Jeraly.........dunno if you can really classify it as infidelity because as far as know, he has not physically stepped outside of the marriage (yet).

Although the intent does seem to be there and I guess I found out before any moves were made. He actually tells me that he had no intentions

on meeting up with anyone else or taking anything any further than what it had gone. Not exactly sure when things started going on haywire, Id have to say around the beginning of last year and then it seemed to escalate to the latter part of 2007. By January of 2008 he was staying at work longer and not coming home when he got off work. First it started to be only 15 mins late and now it has gotten up to an hour or more late. If I ask him where he has been he gets mad because I question him about it. He is adament that he is at work and nothing is going on with anyone. As of yet we arent really talking to each other and no mention has been made of counseling. I have asked him if he wants a divorce and he says no but I cannot help but believe that is because of our daughter. I dont think he wants to leave her here in the states with me; he wants to go back to England to take her with him.

Welshcookie.........quite honestly, I dont think its actually him watching other women naked on cam or even flirting in emails with them. What seems to bother me most is that he and myself both came out of previous marriages with infidelity being the cause of the break up of the marriage. I have known my husband and have been communicating with him since Feb 2001. Both of us decided before we ever met that we had to have complete honesty and openness in our relationship before we even thought of pursuing it. This was an agreement that we both made together. Ive always believed my husband was one of the most honest people I have ever met in my life. Although I have always thought it was strange that he never discloses very much information about his life growing up or even things that led to the break up of his first marriage. He just doesnt seem to open up as much as I do to him. I have done some things I wasnt very proud of in our marriage with like finances. When he wasnt working I was robbing Peter to pay Paul and would have to juggle bills and payments around. Eventually I took out a loan to help ease our financial strain at the time. I did not discuss it with him before I did it. Actually, I didnt think I would get the loan and when I did I was like oh #######, I need to tell Neil. One week passed and he found out about it and ripped my a$$ over how I went behind his back and didnt discuss the finances with him. He chewed me up one side and down the other and made me feel so totally guilty and shallow that I would do such a thing. So I think its his preaching on openness and honesty that gets to me the most. Its like I had to be completely and utterly honest with him; but he seems to be exempt from it.

oOpinkOo..........thank you for your well wishes

Glyn and Kathy..........We were alot like you and your significant other it seems. We never hid anything from each other. Everything was out on the table. I had all his passwords (or so I thought) and he certainly had everything of mine. We have talked numerous times about internet usuage and the time spent on it. In fact, I think we sat down and talked alot but at least on his end of the stick it didnt seem to sink it or matter obviously. It wasnt until I got a program and watched him that I started finding things out. Granted it took over a month or so but I was able to watch his activities. I remember just sitting at my PC saying to myself......please just let it be a bunch of guy things or junk that he is viewing........and each time that it was I was like phew........at one point I was even beginning to feel bad that I was watching him because he seemed to be doing just guy stuff. Then all of a sudden out of the woodwork comes all the "adult activies" and communications with a girl in England that he apparently was web camming with while he was "seeing" (if you can call a long distance relationship as seeing lol) me. I was even pregnant with our daughter while he was still communicating with this girl. So I asked him........if he had been communicating with this girl and it was so innocent between them then how come when he came over here he couldnt have stopped the communication or at the very least made me aware of it. His reply was I did know about the email address he had set up......which was true......I did know he set it up........but it was supposed to be for his business he started when he first got here and he had later changed the password so that I couldnt access it and gave the email address to the girl in England to be able to stay in contact with him.

I have to ask myself honestly..............is this worth getting all bent out of shape over??? But I cannot help but remember how he preaches honesty and openness to me........and then thats like adding salt to the wound.

Sharri

May 15, 2008

Well.........I never thought Id ever have to ask this type of question in VisaJourney..... :unsure:

Its been a long road to permanent residency for us. We were so glad this stage was finally over and the 10 year

green card was obtained......phew......finally......... :thumbs:

But then........things didnt seem to be as they used to be years ago for us.... :unsure: just over the last year Ive noticed