CaptainRubyHeart

Thank you very much for the feedback. If there's no reason for me to follow up, I'll leave it to him to pursue (or not).

I'm afraid that our visa journey ends here. Thanks to all of you for your support over the years, and I wish you happiness in your endeavors.

Daniela

I am a U.S. citizen. My husband is Canadian. He came on a K-1 visa. We got married in 2008. Adjusted his status. Were married 3 years. Filed the I-751, which was approved. He has a green card with its conditions lifted.

Ours is a sad story in a quiet way. It was a very civil parting. We were very different people when we first met and first got married. During the course of our marriage, I blossomed and he became stagnant. I lost 100 pounds, grew very confident, and my career and social life has soared to new heights. He never adjusted to life here, didn't work, didn't go to school, didn't make friends, and he longed to go home and sank into a light depression.

In short, we grew apart. We're still very fond of each other and plan to remain friends, and I genuinely hope that he is able to find his happiness. We filed for divorce together - met with a lawyer, got the process rolling, agreed on the division of assets. The divorce is uncontested and it's pretty much just a matter of time before it's finalized.

My husband moved back to Canada recently and at present, he has no intention of returning to the U.S.

My question is, is there any reason I need to follow up with the USCIS, or is that essentially my husband's responsibility to take care of should he ever want to maintain his permanent resident status for whatever reason?

First off, apologies for the length of this.

I am sure that many people are curious about how things ended up after my husband returned from Canada after his three-week leave there and the question about whether or not our relationship is going to continue.

The short answer is, things are going fine and we have every intention to stay married.

I had a lot of time to think and do a serious reassessment of my life and relationship. When Sean returned from Canada, I greeted him with a big smile and we got into the car and drove home. We had a really, really long talk when we got back - in fact, it lasted more than one day - and figured out a few things. We also had our first session with a counselor on Wednesday, which went pretty well. The counselor actually thinks I'm doing a good job of dealing with that crazy break-in thing (e.g., being able to talk about it, not victimizing over it, etc.) and that I should get through it OK.

Anyway, I don't want to get into a ton of detail here, but I am confident things are going to be fine. My husband explained that he just doesn't feel like he fits in or that there's anything for him where we live. And I had my own little catharsis about how a large part of that is my fault, too; I've been so focused on helping out other people that are having trouble in their lives that I've neglected parts of my marriage that I really shouldn't have (e.g., taking my husband out driving several times a week so he could get his TX drivers' license, helping him get involved in activities, etc.)

Case and point: the day before Sean came back from Canada, my friend of ten years randomly appeared at my doorstep with all her belongings and wanted to move in with me because she said she has no place to go (she knows I have a guest room at my house). This is someone I've known very well for a long time and who has had a very troubled life as of late (her mother died 2 years ago, her 19 year old brother died last September, and her father was in a motorcycle accident last month and broke his neck and back [but is not paralyzed, miraculously]). It was the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I told her no, she couldn't live with us, and I called her grandparents, who were more than happy to take her in. She didn't take my turning her down well - she screamed and cried and called me all sorts of nasty names. But in the end, I did what I had to do. This isn't an isolated event, either-- this is the sort of situation I often find myself in, at least once or twice a week - called on to help other people who turn desperately to me - and sadly, this is part of what had been killing Sean's and my marriage.

Sorry - I digress. The point is, this sort of thing is terribly distracting and is a HUGE burden on me - and on my marriage (my husband feels isolated and like he doesn't fit in) - so I'm just not going to be doing this anymore - period. I've set new priorities and am looking forward to seeing how things improve - both for myself and for Sean. And our marriage.

First and foremost! Helping Sean fit in. Sean and I determined that we need to get out there and start making some friends - and find people who Sean would be able to hang out with independent of me and feel comfortable. Sean is a fairly shy person and I'm not, really (hence, all my blabbering about stuff on VJ). Sean isn't involved in any activities currently, isn't working, and isn't in school yet, so it's been a bit tough for me to find people he'd be interested in hanging out with. Plus, he is a TOTAL gamer, likes to read comic books, doesn't like to go out a lot and be social and prefers to just be chill - things that are very different from the way I am. I have a couple of people I've gotten out there and met and have explained that Sean and I are trying to make some new buddies (and I got a positive response, yay). And the more opportunities, the better!!!

So, I feel sort of awkward about this (I hope this suggestion isn't too outlandish):

...Are there Canadian VJers in the Houston area who would consider a friendship with Sean and me?

Fair enough Kathryn. Pertinent note though: when people post intimate and personal details about their lives in a public online forum; it is them who are making their lives a spectacle. kthxbai

Oh Len, regardless of the person making themselves a "spectacle" as you state we should still honor their request and leave out the disrespectful remarks. We have to learn to care. Especially in such a sensitive situation. CRH had a traumatic experience and some do not understand what she is going through yet they make harsh comments. We have to know when to say what and in this case we need to give advice that will help and not make things worst.

I thank you, kcoyclay1, for your sensitivity and understanding.

Well, it is almost time. In a few hours I will be picking up Sean from the airport. It will be the first time we've seen each other in three weeks, and the first time we've spoken to each other in days. I have no idea what is going to happen, but will stay positive and try to work it out until we can't.

I want to thank you all for your advice and help, with the exception of that one person who views this thread as a soap opera and thinks it's fun to ridicule people such as myself. Do not worry. Beginning Wednesday (our first appointment), I plan on keeping any personal or intimate details of my marital relationship between myself and my therapist. I feel that ridiculing me for my "spectacle" is especially uncalled for because I am actually taking the advice offered here and am trying to fix this situation - hence, the therapy appointment and my trying to keep a positive attitude when I see Sean again. I could understand why I would be made fun of if I were just bitching and moaning without taking any action, but that is not the case.

It is rude and incorrect to invariably categorize anyone who posts something that is personal/intimate as some sort of drama queen. Life is unpredictable and full of surprises, and we all need a little help along the way from time to time and to gain a new perspective. And how is one to even understand a situation if no personal details are shared? I imagine I'd have a very hard time reaching out and asking for help without using personal detail to describe my situation to others.

I hope that Sean and I are able to work things out and come out of this with a better understanding of each other and our marriage. Despite it all, I still think that Sean is a really neat guy and I kind of wish you all knew him. Maybe someday he'll sign up for VJ and share some of his experiences immigrating from Canada to the U.S. And who knows? Maybe I'll be in the position one day to be able to help out someone on these forums who is having a rough time with his or her marriage and feels completely lost and hopeless and does not know where to turn.

I plan on making one more post as a follow-up, and then I may actually take a break from VJ for a while. It makes sense, in a practical manner, because Sean and I aren't actually doing any sort of paperwork right now and won't be for almost two years, if we stay together. Plus, I really need to be focusing energy on my self-improvement and our marriage anyway, so I shouldn't spend as much time on the internet as I do, heh.

I look forward to updating you one more time realy soon. Thank you again for your honesty, advice, and compassion.

CRH, you seemed bothered by him leaving well before he left. I am a firm believer in learning to stand on your own before leaning on someone else, and perhaps you haven't quite learned to stand alone yet. I understand you're afraid but surely you could have found another way to deal with it other than be that woman who called him crying and begging for him to come back while he was visiting family that he had just left behind. In a relationship that involves distance there is a strong chance that there will be time apart.

This might just be my irritability and confusion talking, but while I think you have a valid point about learning how to stand on one's own, I also find this comment to be offensive. I was very independent for a long time before marrying my husband, and even afterward. I was able to work two jobs in college, pay for my own car in full, buy my own house after college, and I got scholarships/grants to get through college without taking out loans (and graduated Summa Cum Laude). I'm doing really, really well at work and am an officer in my volunteer public speaking club. It frustrates me to no end that some jerk broke into my house and took my ability to be independent away from me. I don't think it's easy for most people to understand what that feels like.

Whoever it was who said that we can't really judge got it right. Heck, I can't judge and I'm in the situation. I have been very polite and pleasant toward Sean--I made it a point to be after he told me he wants to leave me. I don't think it's productive to be a big jerk when he was so upfront and shared his feelings with me, hurtful as they are. It's too soon to know what I really think of this or to know what to do.

I just wanted to pop on by and give an update about things. I wish I could have better news. Three days ago, my husband called me up from Canada and said that he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. He then proceeded to go into massive detail about every single thing I’d done to hurt his feelings for the past 4 years. He told me he’d felt like leaving me for a long time, even since before we got married. In fact, he told me that the only reason he went through with our wedding is because, and I quote, “my family paid a lot of money for their plane tickets, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” He said that he thinks I’m controlling and that I use my “knowledge of feelings” to manipulate him into agreeing with me all the time when we argue. I was previously unaware that he felt this way, as he’d never voiced his concerns prior to three days ago.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage. I have gone through three days of bureaucratic hell to find out what kind of coverage my insurance offers for counseling and to see if it would bankrupt me (good news: it won’t). I put in a request to meet with a counselor I was referred to and am just waiting to hear back from her.

I believe that Sean sees me as an enemy—a controlling person who “took him away” from everything he knows and loves in Canada, and the only thing that stands between him and getting back is his relationship with me.

For now, I’m just sitting on my hands waiting for (a) the marriage counselor to get back to me, and (B) Sean to fly back to Houston on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen next.

I should have titled my previous thread in the Moving Here and Your New Life in America Forum, "How do you handle homesickness when it's wrecking your marriage?"

I just wanted to pop on by and give an update about things. I wish I could have better news. Three days ago, my husband called me up from Canada and said that he doesn’t want a relationship with me anymore. He then proceeded to go into massive detail about every single thing I’d done to hurt his feelings for the past 4 years. He told me he’d felt like leaving me for a long time, even since before we got married. In fact, he told me that the only reason he went through with our wedding is because, and I quote, “my family paid a lot of money for their plane tickets, and I didn’t want to disappoint them.” He said that he thinks I’m controlling and that I use my “knowledge of feelings” to manipulate him into agreeing with me all the time when we argue. I was previously unaware that he felt this way, as he’d never voiced his concerns prior to three days ago.

At the advice of his mom, he has agreed to come back to Houston on Saturday. I suggested that we go to marriage counseling to try to work things out. He agreed that counseling is a good idea, but said that he’d be going to “end things right” between us rather than to try to improve our marriage. I have gone through three days of bureaucratic hell to find out what kind of coverage my insurance offers for counseling and to see if it would bankrupt me (good news: it won’t). I put in a request to meet with a counselor I was referred to and am just waiting to hear back from her.

I believe that Sean sees me as an enemy—a controlling person who “took him away” from everything he knows and loves in Canada, and the only thing that stands between him and getting back is his relationship with me.

For now, I’m just sitting on my hands waiting for (a) the marriage counselor to get back to me, and (B) Sean to fly back to Houston on Saturday. I have no idea what will happen next.

Thank you all for your thoughtful and compassionate replies. I have literally read all of them three or four times, beginning to end, and have been trying to formulate a response for a little while, but I keep starting, then deleting what I've written. I've done a lot of soul-searching this weekend and a lot of reading and follow-up action. I am now almost positive that I have post-traumatic stress disorder, which I've learned does not typically show up in victims until about 3 to 6 months after an event happens. Anything before that is considered acute stress. My husband's leaving for Canada seems to have triggered all of these feelings of helplessness, hysteria, etc. I was unaware that I even felt this way until he'd already left, and unable to identify WHY I felt the way I do until very recently. And I did not know that there is an actual disorder associated with it (PTSD) until someone mentioned it in this thread and I followed up on it. I have joined a support group in an effort to try to get through it and work on some techniques to help bring myself back to the present and stop feeling so scared and hypersensitive. I do need to take control of my feelings and stop assigning blame to my husband for feeling the way I do. This truly is my burden, and I have to deal with it and make sure to not hurt him in the meantime. I need to make things right between us.

Which, so far, has proven to be very, very difficult because he is furious with me. In an effort to own up to my behavior and take responsibility for my own feelings, I sent him a text message last night explaining to him that I believe I have PTSD, which is why I have been acting the way I have toward him, and that I'm really sorry for my behavior. He replied, "How great for you." I asked him (through text) if we could please talk about it over the phone. He refused to take my call. I texted him again this morning to apologize again. I said, "Sean, I am sorry for how I've acted in your absence. I haven't been emotionally well, but I'm getting help now. I hope you can forgive me sometime soon." No reply. I continued, "I really am sorry for screwing things up between us and ruining your trip. I would like to make it up to you by flying you up to Edmonton for a weekend to see your sister, or by extending your stay in Campbell River by another week. I am trying to make things right." His response was, "I don't really have time to discuss this right now." I asked him to call me later, and he said he would. But I get the feeling that perhaps he's changed his mind, seeing as it's almost midnight and I haven't heard from him.

I don't mean to give you all a blow-by-blow "drama" of what is going on. At this point, I really do feel like I deserve what I am getting. I did ruin his trip, and that is inexcusable. I need to face the reality that he may never forgive me. He may not come home. As I'm learning (already) in my support group, all I can control is myself and my own behavior. Even if Sean never wants to see me or talk to me again, I need to feel good about the way I have handled this and know that I have done everything in my power to extend the olive branch and to make things work.

To try to ease my own lonliness and hypersensitivity to being alone, I am staying over at my mom's tonight. She lives across town, so my drive to work will be 45 minutes instead of 10, but it's worth it to me to just be able to feel OK and be able to get more than 4 hours of sleep!!! My brother's fiancee has agreed to stay with me at my house all week to keep me company, which I really appreciate.

I am grateful for all of your support, prayers, and advice and am happy to read any additional responses or suggestions. Thank you, sincerely, from the bottom of my heart.

Hello, Canadian VJers.

It is with great sadness that I write this post. I am very seriously contemplating divorce from my husband. Right now, I am trying to figure out my next move and I need a little bit of feedback about a couple of questions.

Most of you know my situation, but I'll reiterate (condensed version). My husband moved down here last June, we got married in August. Things were fine (or so I thought), then my husband exclaims that he's homesick and threatens to leave me. We worked through that. He tells me he wants to go back to Canada for three weeks when he gets his GC, and I protest and ask him if he can make it two weeks instead. He says no and doesn't budge--and actually ends up getting quite upset with me. I can't do anything about it--his mom bought his plane ticket, not me.

I tried to be a good sport about his being gone, but so far have been unable to handle it. I wasn't sure why, but finally realized that I hate being alone and wasn't prepared to be left by myself due to an event that occurred in February in which someone broke into my home and tried to sexually assault me. I have had a lot of trouble sleeping since my husband went back to Canada. I average 4 to 5 hours per night. I am miserable and have let Sean know frequently. I know it isn't fair to be angry at Sean for leaving when I asked him not to. I know he's been very homesick lately and that this trip is good for him. I know it's not his fault that I am doing as poorly as I am. This is just too much for me. I hadn't heard from him for three days, so I texted him and asked him to call this morning.

The conversation didn't go well. I broke down and told him that I couldn't handle his being gone--reason being, I was terrified of being by myself due to that break-in/attempted sexual assault. I told him I didn't mean to make his trip back to Canada miserable by telling him this, but I'm not really sure who else to talk to or what to do. He ended up getting very angry at me and told me that he thinks I am trying to "milk" the break-in thing and get him to drop whatever he's doing in Canada and spend more time with me. He said that he doesn't care about the situation and doesn't understand why I'm so freaked out because "nothing happened to you," and that if I'm seeking sympathy from someone, maybe I should go see a therapist. "You're putting the burden on me, and it's too much to handle," he said. I even told him at one point that I was so sad because I felt like he'd just shut down, and talking to him seemed fruitless. "Like talking to a brick wall?" he asked sarcastically, "Like pulling teeth? Let me try to think of some other things you say to me."

Of course, I am devastated by this reaction. I really need my husband and his sympathy right now, but he can't be there for me. I have been tempted so many times to ask him to please come back from Canada early, but I haven't. I don't think he would anyway. He's only there for one more week, which "isn't a big deal," he says. But every day is hell for me...especially trying to sleep.

I'm not really looking for advice on whether or not to go through and divorce him because you can't find that sort of thing on an online forum. I'm 25 years old and Sean and I have only been married for nine months. I have never had to deal with such a difficult relationship obstacle before and am wondering if I might be reacting too quickly by considering divorce. So I guess what I'm trying to ask is, has anyone else had this sort of obstacle and is willing to talk about it?

My second question is, do you have any suggestions for how I could approach my husband to get him to stop being so angry at me and try to be there and show some support? I believe that he is furious with me because he feels like I've pulled him away from his friends and family by his moving down here to get married to me, and now that he's back up visiting friends and family, here I am again supposedly pulling him away again and "guilt-tripping" him. That's not what I'm trying to do at all.

I would ask that one of the moderators please remove any of those little emoticons of people eating popcorn and watching a show, or any disrespectful comments toward my situation. I really am trying to work through this and figure out my next move. I've already called my insurance company and have sought the names of some counsellors to help me work through the break-in thing. I'm in a bad place emotionally right now, and I am seeking helpful input. I truly love my husband, but this is killing me...and our marriage.

I am so sorry. I know you will miss Magic. My thoughts are with you during this time of loss.

Well, I'm supposed to decide by morning whether to euthanize Magic or try hospitalizing her as a last ditch effort.

I really can't take this. It's nine days before the blessing ceremony for my marriage that I wish my mom could be at, I'm going to lose the cat she left me.

~ Catherine

I am so sorry to hear about this... I know that you will end up making the right decision and doing what is best.

I knew my now-husband for six years before we got married. He is a Canadian citizen. We met online through a mutual real-life friend (long boring story there). Anyway, we were both really young when we met (19 years old), young when we met in person and started dating (20 years old), and young when we got engaged (21). When you're that young, you can't really think clearly about what you really want to do in your life. I knew I wanted to be with Sean, but I didn't want to move to Canada. Heck, I didn't even really want to get married after we got engaged--I wanted to be with Sean and knew that someday I'd be ready to marry him, but I wasn't ready at the time. It's hard to get a clear vision of your future with your lover when you don't see him that often, you live in a dorm room, and you are busy studying for midterms.

My husband and I did the back-and-forth distance visits between Texas and British Columbia for a grand total of five years before we got married. We'd see each other during Christmas and summer vacations. After I turned 23, something changed in me. I graduated from my university and started working full-time. It was only then that I finally felt like I was ready to get married. I stopped feeling so "unstable" (one of my favorite words when I was in school) and could now take ownership of my life. Sean and I started the immigration process (K-1 visa), and he was approved and moved down here in June of last year. We got married in August.

Anyway, that's my story. I'm 25 now (turning 26 in September), and I can totally relate and sympathize with the impatience of being old enough now, at 25, to want to move forward in my life and have some sort of relationship stability. But when I was 21, that was a totally different story. Do you remember what you were like when you were 21? Maybe trying to remember and put yourself in her shoes could help understand where she's coming from.

I don't know how helpful my little story has been, but I do wish you the best and hope that everything works out!!!

I, too, am very sorry to hear this. I can understand how hard it was for you.

The same thing just about happened to me. Not too long before receiving his green card, my husband blurted out--completely out of the blue--that he was extremely unhappy in the U.S. and missed his home so much, and had made a decision that he was going to move back to Canada...permanently. He said it wasn't because he didn't love me. He said he just wasn't strong enough to do this--to leave his family and everything he knew behind to come and start a new life.

I dealt with it all wrong. I was furious. I screamed at him. I cursed him out. I grabbed my car keys and screeched out of the driveway--and didn't come home for a long time. I cried. I begged and pleaded with him. I called every single member of his family and bawled. I would come home from work and walk right past him into our bedroom, slam the door, and sleep for hours. I was a complete, heartbroken mess.

Finally--somehow--after a lot of time, we were able to sit down with each other and see the error of our ways. He had withheld his feelings from me for months out of guilt and fear of my reaction. I went on a rampage, which totally validated his fear.

We did get through it and are still together. When he got his green card, he went back on a three week trip to Canada. He's there right now and will be back in two weeks.

I won't lie--things aren't perfect. I hate the fact that he's in Canada and not here with me right now. It is so hard not to take it personally and feel like a big failure. He tells me that he gave up everything in his life to come down here and be with me, but sometimes I feel like he forgets that I radically altered my life, too, to be with him. I scraped together enough savings to buy a house for us--that was no easy feat, at age 23. I have postponed going to law school so I can help him adjust to life in the U.S. Heck, I drove through flooded, debris-filled roads to get him to a house with electricity the day after Hurricane Ike. I've done a lot of uncomfortable, scary, difficult things for him, too. It's easy to forget the other half of the struggle in the midst of being homesick.

I know everything will be fine between me and my husband. I know this happened for a reason, and when he comes back from Canada, I know our relationship will not be the same. It will have changed and grown as a result of this disaster. We are now able to talk to each other more honestly, more openly, and with love and compassion instead of fear and rage. I will never react the way I did to his homesickness, ever again. He will never hide his feelings from me the way he did. We are able to trust each other more now, to talk to each other without fearing each others' reactions.

I am honestly not sure there's any way to avoid this sort of situation. It's like trying to avoid having a tornado or an earthquake hit your home--you just can't. If it doesn't hit you, you're just really, really lucky. What you can do is prepare yourself--how are you going to react if it happens to you?

Headache, Cough, Body Aches, Sore Throat? Yes.

Fatigue? Yes (probably from only getting 3 hours of sleep).

Cold medicine and glass of hot tea sitting on my desk? Yes.

Same problem with me here, I won't be eligible for the in-state tuition rate. I was told that I'm a out of state resident since I came here less than a year. I came here on July 2008 as a visitor but AOS my papers were submitted on Nov 2008. I became a legal resident on Feb 2009 based on my green card. Do you think I can meet my one yr residency this coming July 2009? The only differ is that your husband came here on K-1 visa but I came here as a visitor. Out of state tuition is very expensive compared to in-state resident. I'm planning to take some classes this coming fall but I'm afraid I might end up paying more.....money is tough to earn this time...hehhehee Any suggestions will be appreciated!

I will let you know how things go in June and whether or not they accept my husband as a Texas resident.

So...in my husband's absence, I've been trying to keep myself very, very busy. Since we were totally flooded out in the Houston area and I couldn't make it the five miles from my house to my workplace without wading through a small river, I decided to stay home and work on some stuff I've been meaning to do.

One such thing is that in order to get in-state tuition for my husband (who is starting school in the fall), I need to "prove" that he meets the requirements of being a Texas resident. The requirement that applies to him is that he needs to have lived here for a year--and I need to be able to prove it. He will meet the one year mark on June 5, 2009. Meaning. . . on June 6, 2009, I will be marching up to my husband's college and giving them the following letter to prove to them that he qualifies as a Texas resident (and that we shouldn't need to pay out-of-state tuition for him).

Anyway, you guys are super helpful. . . so I wanted to ask you if you would please review my letter and let me know if it sounds OK. The admissions office staff at my husband's college is none too bright, so I felt the need to try and spell everything out for them. I sent Sean to Canada with most of the contents of our immigration folder, so a lot of this info is from memory. Anyway, here goes:

----------------------

To Whom It May Concern:

Sean Lastname moved to the U.S. and has resided in Texas from June 5, 2008 to the present date. Attached please find the following official U.S. documentation to satisfy the burden of proof requirement that he is a Texas resident.

(1) I-94, Arrival/Departure Record

The I-94 was issued to Sean on June 5, 2008, at which time he entered the U.S. on a K-1 fiance visa and traveled to Texas to establish residence with his then-fiancee, Daniela Maidenname (now Daniela Lastname). On that date, Sean joined Daniela at her home and established his residence at 123 Street, City, Texas.

(2) K-1 fiance visa

Sean entered the U.S. using his K-1 visa on June 5, 2008 with the intent of marrying Daniela Maidenname (now Daniela Lastname), his fiancee, within 90 days of his arrival in the U.S.

(3) Marriage license

Sean and Daniela Lastname married on August 9, 2008.

(4) Department of Homeland Security (DHS), United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (USCIS) Form I-485, Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status

After marrying, Sean applied to adjust his status to become a legal permanent resident of the U.S. Please refer to form G-325A, Biographical Information. This form is part of the I-485 package that was sent to USCIS on September 8, 2008. The G-325A states that Sean has resided in TX since June 2008, which is in agreement with his I-94, which shows that he entered the U.S. on June 5, 2008. At the bottom of the G-325A, please see Sean's signature, which is a declaration of his sworn oath that the information submitted on this form is true and accurate. The penalties for falsifying or concealing information on this form are severe.

(5) I-797, Notice of Action (NOA) for I-485, Application to Register Permanent Residence or Adjust Status

This is a letter from USCIS that verifies that Sean's I-485 application was carefully reviewed and then approved by USCIS.

(6) Permanent Resident Card

Sean received his permanent resident card, which solidifies that the information submitted on his I-485 application was found to be true and accurate by USCIS standards.

I trust that this documentation will sufficiently meet the proof requirement to establish Sean's Texas residency.

Thank you,

(Signatures)

-------------------------------------

I hope this isn't too detailed... I'm REALLY big on having evidence, and lots of it!

Thanks in advance for your help!

Thank you, that was helpful. If they deny my AOS, does that mean that I will have to leave the US? I think if that is what is going to happen, it's a sign, and clearly wasn't meant to be. I miss home so bad, I am becoming desperate.

Dupontrsa, I understand. Does your husband have any idea how much your homesickness is consuming you? Have you specifically told him about it? (Instead of indirectly "hinting" at it).

The reason I say this is because my husband (from Canada) cried out to me a month and a half ago that he was so homesick, he was thinking about returning to Canada and ending our marriage. Up until that point, I thought that everything was fine. He had shown no signs of missing home and had never told me about it. I was very surprised and upset when he told me. We argued a lot.

Finally after talking to him for a long time and getting help from my Visajourney friends, I understand how he feels and how hard it is for him to be here. But I was very, very angry before that. I felt like he was not honest with me because he did not tell me that he was so desperate to go home. I thought he did not love me or appreciate me and did not understand that living in a new country is so hard.

If your husband does not know how you feel, I would urge you to please, please tell him. Ask him to be kind and understanding when you talk. It could save you (and him) a lot of tears and heartbreak.

Hey guys, does anyone know how to print skype logs cos i've searched and I have no idea. Thanks

why do you want this? what evidentiary requirement are you wishing to fulfill?

Evidence of communication. Recently we've been using skype and I was worried cos we hardly send mails anyone and our phone bills is a lot less. Skype is so convenient. We will be filing soon, I want to make sure we have enough evidence. Or what do you think? Cheers

Thanks a lot. You guys are the best Cheers.

evidence of communication does not fulfill the "meeting" evidence and therefore is not required evidence for the I-129f. This can be submitted as optional evidence but is most important come interview time.

Ok! we will prepare photocopy of the passport pages with immigration stamps and photographs ad evidence of meeting. Is that Ok.

Well passport stamps is one of the primary evidence types they are looking for.... photographs are secondary evidence that supports the primary... a million times better for the evidence of meeting requirement than chat logs...

Flight itineraries and/or old boarding passes are also good.

What kind of deposit would you have to put down to book a date at your venue of choice? If it's nothing (unlikely) or not a lot of money, then you could condier it. You can always change the date or cancel.

On another note, it seems like asking you about the details of your wedding only one week after you've been engaged can be really overwhelming. I understand that your family is trying to help and is excited for you. My advice would be, try not to get too wrapped up in wedding planning right away--you and your fiance are still celebrating your engagement! If you have questions, your VJ community will be happy to help you answer questions about submitting your I-129F.

Could there also be some tiny bit of resentment that you're working and unable to afford the price of the trip for yourself, but your husband isn't working and he can afford to go? I could see that being a tiny factor, even if he gave up his home and family to come to you, he shouldn't be using that as some type of leverage to make you feel bad either.

Good luck. Every couple and every situation is different so I don't think anyone here should be judging.

Well put. Yes, it sucks that he gets to go and have a good time and that all these people are vying for his attention. Meanwhile, I'm stuck here working and all my friends had weekend plans when I called them up. *grumble, grumble*

It's not really that I can't afford to fly up to Canada myself and spend time with him there. I just don't think it's a good idea for me to do so. Finance-wise, I'm trying to save money (and vacation time) so that my husband and I can take a trip up in December together and host a wedding "reception" for all his friends and family who weren't able to make it down here to our wedding last August. Personality-wise, I'm not incredibly fond of a lot of his friends, most of whom think I am the devil incarnate because I happen to be born in America.

I know, I'm being a major, inconsolable whiner right now. I just miss my husband. Even after all the times (6 years worth) we've had to say goodbye to each other, I still don't really know how to deal with it. I'm not really a very emotional or unstable person, but when you take my husband away from me, it's like taking away my anchor.

You feel the way you feel and that's ok. Feelings don't have to be rational. Accepting them and talking about them is a good thing. It helps you to calm down enough to make the right choice about what to do about them.

He'll go home for a few weeks. He'll reconnect with his family and friends. He'll say things that start with "Back home..." and be talking about your home together. He'll find himself talking about all the positive things in your life. Those things can be hard to remember while he's missing his family.

So tell him you're having a hard time with him going. But also tell him that you love him enough to let him go anyway. You've gotten some great advice on what to do with your alone time.

I really like that. One great thing about our relationship is that my husband and I can talk to each other about these sorts of things--you know, me about hating his leaving, and him about being unhappy and missing his family. We know how we feel, and neither of us are trying to change that.

Some of the people who responded had said that I was "guilt-tripping" my husband about going, or being selfish, etc. That's actually true of part of the situation--this thread is sort of part 2 of my story here. I think the "guilt-tripping" occurred in part 1. I guess you really need to hear the full story to understand the situation and what is ultimately my assessment of it.

To recap very shortly, part 1 is this:

My then-fiance moved down here, we got married and everything was fine. Six months later and completely out of the blue, my husband (very mild-mannered, normally) exclaims that he's very homesick and is thinking about moving back to Canada permanently and ending our marriage because he misses home too much. Rather than sit down with him and try to understand what's really going on, I went into full-throttle b!tch mode. Hence, the guilt-tripping. But after a lot of very helpful advice from my VJ buddies, I sort of realized that I should take a new approach to the situation and get rid of my old, angry attitude and try to see exactly what it is that my husband needs. We talked, and what we agreed on is that he would take a trip back to Canada once he got his green card (which happened a few days after our argument).

When that happened, my husband announced, "I'm going back to Canada for three weeks. I looked at fares and want to book." I told him, shouldn't he have talked to me first before making this unilateral decision about something that affect us both? He didn't want to listen and just ended up being really mean. I tried explaining that there's a difference between asserting your independence and being a complete jerk to the people who love you, but he didn't want to listen. It was an argument that was going nowhere, so I just kind of gave up and said, "OK, fine, let's do this." The funny thing is, I wouldn't have been so upset if he had just approached me differently and taken my feelings into consideration: "I would like to take my visit back to Canada for three weeks. Will you be OK here by yourself?" I would have said, "Yes, that's fine."

After all that nastiness, I tried to keep my complete and utter contempt of his trip back to Canada to myself because I wanted to show him that I could be understanding of his homesickness and wanting to go back. But then a few days ago, I just lost it and broke down and told him everything. How much I hated his leaving, how I'd tried not to tell him for so long, and how I didn't want him to feel terrible while he was up visiting family. He told me that he completely understood where I was coming from and was actually really appreciative that I was trying so hard to be supportive. We had a really long talk, and although nothing that was said changes the fact that he misses his family, and nothing changes the fact that I hate his leaving, we understand and accept that about each other. I can't change him, nor can he change me. He gets that I hate that he's leaving, but he's still got to go. I get that he needs to go, but I still hate it. With that understanding, everything is fine between us.

My final assessment of the situation is that things were mishandled at every step. My husband should have told me that he was feeling as homesick as he was before threatening to leave our marriage. I shouldn't have flown off the handle in response, but instead tried to see the situation for what it really was. He shouldn't have painted me out to be the enemy when it came time to book his flight back to Canada. And I shouldn't have pretended not to hate it for as long as I did.

With this knowledge and our understanding of one another, I don't see this situation and all its ugliness repeating itself in the future.

And here comes my little rant:

I have learned a lesson--never again will I post "be honest" at the end of a post because some take it as a free pass to be rude or display better-than-thou attitudes. It's not that it hurts my feelings to read those things--it's a waste of my time to have to search through all that for any truly helpful advice.

Is there a chance of you perhaps joining him for the last week of his holiday back in Canada? You said you couldn't get 3 weeks off of work, but how about a shorter time - finish his vacation with him and come back home together?

I hear what you are saying about being 'alone' for the first time. I lived all of my life until I was married on my own and had no problems with it, but after being married and spending all of the time with my husband, I was nervous the first time he had to be away overnight for business. The first time is the problem - once you get that behind you it gets a lot easier.

Three weeks may seem like a long time but he is trying to catch up on a whole life that he left behind - it isn't that he doesn't want to be with you, because he does - he gave up that life for you - but there are different types of homesickness and one of them is for what you have 'lost' even though what you have gained is of great value. It is important to be able to go back and deal with it. He will find that now he will see his old life through new eyes - he will feel more like a visitor than the one living that life and that is natural as well. It is all part of the process of coming to terms with change.

You are having to deal with your own type of change through this visit as well. You are aware of what you are missing - the same place he is at when he is living here in the States - he is aware of what he is missing from back home and his previous life. You have 3 weeks of dealing with it - he will have years of dealing with it. It is a good opportunity for you to gain a little understanding of what it feels like to him to have left behind his old familiar world with its comfort and support of friends and family for a whole new world with you. This is a little taste of what it is like walking in his shoes and perhaps it will help bring you closer together in the long run.

Good luck to the two of you - I am sure everything will go well. A few years from now you may even find some irony in this as it may happen that when he is away from home you find you relish having the house all to yourself for a change. I am finding that now for me. Sometimes it is nice to be on your own for a short time as well.

Very nice response. I agree--this first time is the big hurdle. I've been trying to keep busy (hence, my catching up on responses a little later than I'd have liked to!) Thanks.

I'm curious to know why your spouse is traveling alone?

The only time I would leave my husband behind is if there were a family emergency and I had to leave on short notice and he couldn't get time off work. Otherwise we always plan trips & travel together & have been back to my home country (not Australia) together numerous times.. I wouldn't ever think of going by myself & leaving him behind - where's the fun in that!

I work full time and there isn't anyone at my workplace who could take over my work. Not to mention, I don't have $2,000+ to drop on airfare. Plus, there are bills to pay--some of which can't be paid online (e.g, water). There's no way I can abandon my house for three whole weeks.

You're very lucky not have these kinds of things to worry about.

Thanks for your replies and your honesty, guys. The reason I come to you to ask tough questions is because I'm looking for that new perspective you provide when you don't necessarily agree with my outlook.

If I wanted a bunch of "yes-man" responses, all I'd have had to do is call up any one of my local girlfriends and say, "OMG SEAN IS LEAVING ON VACATION FOR THREE WEEKS WITHOUT ME AND I'M STUCK WITH AAAALLLLL THIS WORK!!!" Have you any idea what a you-know-what they'd think my husband is if I said that?

But that's not going to make anything better (plus, it's really childish). What I need is a new perspective to help me figure things out. So I really, really do appreciate the candor you've shown here!!!

Anyway, so I started thinking, "You know, these people are right. Three weeks isn't really a huge amount of time. Sean and I used to spend months apart and I wouldn't fall apart at the seams. I'd be upset for a day or two, but that's it. Also, I lived in this house all by myself for almost a year before he moved down here and did just fine. What is REALLY my problem?"

I think I sort of get what it is--and it kind of sucks. I've written about this a few times, but back in February, this creep broke into our house and tried to sexually assault me while I was asleep alone in my bedroom (my husband fell asleep watching TV on the couch). The creep didn't succeed (I fought back and scared him really badly), and as he was trying to run away from me, my husband (who is quite muscular) threw him into a wall. Long story short, the police arrested the creep and he's now in jail.

I'm fine (nothing actually happened to me) and have pretty much put the whole thing behind me. However, tomorrow will be the first time that I'll be alone in the house since that happened, and I guess I'm a little freaked out.

I hardly ever travel for work (twice a year) and have gotten used to my husband being here all the time, so I know I'm going to feel his absence anyway.

I think my husband and I will be fine. We talk a lot and try to be very upfront about things (in fact, I shared my original post and all the replies with him). He knows how I feel about things and also knows that I would never ask him to cancel or shorten his trip.

Thanks for your support.

An illegal immigrant broke into my home in February and tried to sexually assault me. He didn't succeed (I fought back, which scared the **** out of him), and my husband chased him down the stairs as he was trying to run away from me. Anyway, in the midst of trying to wrestle with my husband (who is very muscular), the creep got thrown into a wall and there was a man-shaped hole there for a while.

The creep is in jail and I'm fine (nothing actually happened to me), but we had to pay for the wall to get fixed. I could take the creep to small claims court to try to get reimburesed, but I'm willing to bet he will have hopped back over the border the moment he gets out of prison.

I'm glad, you're fine.

Thanks. It was tough for a little while; I'd have my husband escort me EVERYWHERE, even from the front door to my car when I had to go to work in the morning. Most of that has tapered off, but I still lock our bedroom door at night now, and my husband doesn't fall asleep on the couch watching TV like he did the night that creep broke in. I've given a few speeches about the whole ordeal in my community.

I know for a FACT that the guy who broke in is an illegal immigrant because when the cops came and hauled his butt to jail, I specifically asked them if they would please run him through the ICE database. The county I live in is the first one in the U.S. whose jail system is linked up with the ICE database: http://www.cerium.ca/Harris-jailers-can-access-huge

The officer in charge of my case called me later that evening and confirmed with me that the creep was an illegal. He'll serve his sentence in the U.S., then be deported.