Troy W

WARNING LONG READ…. Ignore if you are easily bored lol

I had the divorce documents but they didn’t ask for them, I had e-mailed the embassy prior to going to manila and they just said passport, birth certificate and certified divorce documents for all previous marriages.

It was simple and quick; the whole thing took about 45 minutes.

When you go to the city offices to get your marriage license plan on spending several hours there, also bring an ice bag for your wrist, all the forms you will have to sign are a pain.

I got married in Libmanan and the whole process was very informal, It helped that one of the aunts of my fiancé was good friends of the woman that does the marriage license’s.

The counseling session was a hoot, I have never laughed so hard in my life….The questions were in Bicol so they had to be translated verbally for me, and my wife and I were sitting right next o each other when we did it. As I was already married before they only asked me a subset of the questions, I also feel they shorted it a little because the person giving the questions really struggled with the translations. She kept saying he nose was bleeding. But all in all, all the questions were about good communication and responsibilities of each party in the marriage. A lot of it was out dated and it sounded like it came from good house keeping magazine from the 50’s if you know what I mean……..

If you either of you have been married before don’t bother with the Catholic Church unless you have your annulment papers, the bishops are very very conservative there. We did a neighborhood wedding and I swear the WHOLE neighborhood was there. there must have been over 200 people witnessing our wedding.

The day before our wedding, I had a 3 hour conversation with the Mayor, My fiancé was considered to be a beloved daughter of the WHOLE neighborhood and all the elders wanted to get to know me. The mayor also lived in the same neighborhood so he was the one to do the questioning. It was fun and informal but they also wanted very detailed information about my life and previous marriage. Ohhh and if it is the same type of neighborhood my fiancé is from (Rice Farming) plan on drinking LOTS AND LOTS of brandy. After they force fed me brandy and questioned me about every aspect of my life, finally the mayor and the elders spoke to each other and decided I was sincere in my intents, and would make a good husband for one of “their girls” he stood up shook my hand and said I like you troy so I will be here at 10 am tomorrow to give the vows…..lol this surprised me neither myself or my wife expected them to be so protective of her like that. But in retrospect as after the wedding I now see that if the Mayor and the elders did not like me they would not have married us. But at the same time they really wanted to protect their “daughter”

As for the wedding ceremony well what can I say it took 2 days lol…. First and foremost there was VERY VERY loud music playing for 2 days strait even at night (made it hard to sleep the night before) Everyone and I mean Everyone helped prepare for the wedding, anyone that attended had some duty to perform. Basically I wandered around in a fog trying to stay out of everyone’s way and if I got into an area where work was going on and tried to help I was shooed away or some one would come grab me and try to force feed me MORE brandy.

The wedding ceremony was a simple affair, but it was the first wedding I have ever seen where the vows were spoken while sitting down. It was quick and painless (except for the brandy hang over from the night before).

Dinner and the cake were fun and the food was very good, If you have never been to the Philippines before, you will find that their diet is a lot of pork, and chicken and rice. But almost all of it is very good.

After the wedding there will be a dance where people pin money to you, if you don’t know the dance some one will show you, my wife and I both did not know the dance steps so her father took her and an aunt took me through it. as an American in the Philippines the money they pinned on me really didn’t amount to much so don’t worry about it, it is a gift from people that honestly cant afford it. 500 peso to them is a lot of money 500 peso to us is about 10 bucks. Be appreciative nod and say thank you a lot. Make them feel that you really appreciate what they are doing. In the end I gave all the money to my wife’s parents as I felt they could use it much more than I could.

I can honestly say that I have never felt so much a part of a family as I felt with them. In the end before I left the last time I was told my wife’s parents that to them I was as much a son to them as if I was their real son.

I loved being in the Philippines so much and was made so welcome by my wife’s family I can honestly say I will do anything for them and there will be MANY MANY trips back to visit. Our kids will know and appreciate their heritage, both the American and the Filipino.

My...My how discussion topics move around… lol

From wikipedia....... and about all that needs to be said on the BMI subject LOL,,,,,,,,

Limitations and shortcomings

The medical establishment has generally acknowledged some shortcomings of BMI. Because the BMI is dependent only upon weight and height, it makes simplistic assumptions about distribution of muscle and bone mass, and thus may overestimate adiposity on those with more lean body mass (e.g. athletes) while underestimating adiposity on those with less lean body mass (e.g. the elderly).

One recent study Romero-Corral et al. found that BMI-defined obesity was present in 19.1% of men and 24.7% of women, but that obesity as measured by bodyfat percentage was present in 43.9% of men and 52.3% of women. Moreover, in the intermediate range of BMI (25-29.9), BMI failed to discriminate between bodyfat percentage and lean mass. The study concluded that "the accuracy of BMI in diagnosing obesity is limited, particularly for individuals in the intermediate BMI ranges, in men and in the elderly... These results may help to explain the unexpected better survival in overweight/mild obese patients."

The exponent of 2 in the denominator of the formula for BMI is arbitrary. It is meant to reduce variability in the BMI associated only with a difference in size, rather than with differences in weight relative to one's ideal weight. If taller people were simply scaled-up versions of shorter people, the appropriate exponent would be 3, as weight would increase with the cube of height. However, on average, taller people have a slimmer build relative to their height than do shorter people, and the exponent which matches the variation best is between 2 and 3. An analysis based on data gathered in the USA suggested an exponent of 2.6 would yield the best fit for children aged 2 to 19 years old. The exponent 2 is used instead by convention and for simplicity.

Some argue that the error in the BMI is significant and so pervasive that it is not generally useful in evaluation of health. Owing to these limitations, body composition for athletes is often better calculated using measures of body fat, as determined by such techniques as skinfold measurements or underwater weighing and the limitations of manual measurement have also led to new, alternative methods to measure obesity, such as the body volume index. However, recent studies of American football linemen who undergo intensive weight training to increase their muscle mass show that they frequently suffer many of the same problems as people ordinarily considered obese, notably sleep apnea.

In an analysis of 40 studies involving 250,000 people, heart patients with normal BMIs were at higher risk of death from cardiovascular disease than people whose BMIs put them in the "overweight" range (BMI 25-29.9). Patients who were underweight (BMI <20) or severely obese (BMI >35) did, however, show an increased risk of death from cardiovascular disease. The implications of this finding can be confounded by the fact that many chronic diseases, such as diabetes, can cause weight loss before the eventual death. In light of this, higher death rates among thinner people would be the expected result.

A further limitation relates to loss of height through aging. In this situation, BMI will increase without any corresponding increase in weight.

To overcome the shortcomings of BMI, and some of the less acknowledged limitations inherent in body fat percentages, the concepts fat-free mass index (FFMI) and fat mass index (FMI) were introduced in the early 1990s (VanItallie TB, Yang MU, Heymsfield SB, Funk RC, Boileau RA. Height-normalized indices of the body's fat-free mass and fat mass: potentially useful indicators of nutritional status. Am J Clin Nutr. Dec 1990;52(6):953-959).

I was NOT going to post on this but I am now

I do not mean to sound disrespectful BUT how dare you say what you do about all the *baggage women have in the US.

Do you mean to imply your mother, your sister, your aunties, nieces and so on have that and you find it an EEW factor for you? After all are they not AMERICAN women???

YOU Have filed and I repeat YOU HAVE FILED....3 yes 3 k-1 visas and you say WE have baggage.

HUN I think you need to find out WHY you are failing at finding a woman who wants to put up with you.

Figure out WHY no one wants to stay with you and work on YOU first before you drag a poor young woman back into YOUR baggage.

I would try to shop less and fix what you have broken.

lordy I am so glad I do not have a shallow man

I am not a nagging woman, I love my simple life..money is just that...money. If I could live without it I WOULD..it only causes BS issues ( NOT all american woman and not even MOST think this..I know MANY who think like me hun)

I know I would run to if you explained EVERYTHING you wanted in a woman. You sound to superficial, shallow, immature and just to high maintenance for ANY woman

good luck man you want it go for it and best wishes

ps I would visit more before I filed 20 days is NOT enough time to find out if its *perfect* people say things that they dont really mean to get out of a crappy situation.

1 I am not the original poster; I only added my 2¢ in on the post and explained some of my experiences in life.

2 I did not in any way say anything that bashed any one, I did not say anything that generalized anything about any type, race or creed of any women. I only explained a bit of my experiences with women. And only talked about my personal experiences.

In fact the only thing you could even fault me with was my first sentence stating that I agreed with scott55 “a little” and I really meant to stress the a little part.

A few other things to clarify here. I never set out to find a Filipino woman or a woman from any other nationality. I will admit I have always been attracted to Asian women in general. But I have never given preference over any type of women in looking for a life mate. If you really want to know I was introduced to my wife through the wife of a co worker. I was at a company picnic and discussing my latest relationship fiasco with her husband and she spoke up and said “OHHHH I have the perfect woman for you”. She introduced us and we started chatting on line for almost a year.

To clarify another statement I only said I was there for 20 days in the summer but I never said anything about other trips. In fact I have been there for over 100 days out of the last 180 days. I have been going over in 20 day increments to maintain visa status plus I have to go home every once in a while just to pay the bills and take care of business here in the states. In fact my last trip was over the Christmas New Year’s holiday from the 19 of December to the 7th of January where we got married.

Please don’t lump me in with others bashing, or making any type of generalized and across the board statement about American / western woman. I said nothing of the sort. So when you quote things I said use them in the correct context please.

I tried in manila to get a tourist visa for my wife with the explicit intent to file for her k3 written on the visa, they denied her right off the bat, no other questions asked, they just stated that she can not have a tourist visa if i was applying for the k3

I have a question about this further, I am not in this boat but it strikes me as a possible issue to contend with.

The I130 does not include reciprocal children the I129 for a K3 does, If the I130 and the I129 come in near the same time and if the I129 is canceled by the I130, what happens to the children if you did not file an I130 for them

bump

I am sorry but I have to agree with steve55 a little bit, My circumstances are different but being a 41 year old male and wanting children are big differences for me.

First of all I have been married twice. The first time I was 21 and she was 36, she had an etopic pregnancy and then basically flipped out on me. The loss of the child so messed her up I really think she turned schizophrenic on me. 6 months after the surgery she split, no word or anything. It took a year and a detective to find her just to get the divorce. At the same time she split she took everything I owned,,,it was so bad, I mean, one day I came to a completely empty house,,, not even a tooth pick was left,, she took my tooth brush and clothes, she even took my dirty laundry. The detective tracked down the household goods by finding the moving company that moved her. She had moved everything into a friend’s garage 5 hours away. I had to get a court order to just get my clothes and personal effects back. The “friends” would not or did not know where she was so the detective had to do a skip trace on her. I had to find a kind judge in both ohio and Kentucky to order her friends to not release any of the marital property until matters were settled in court for the disposition. At first the wanted to be nasty to me about the household goods and would not give them back lol Boy were they pissed when I asked for the garage to be sealed by the police lol… My Ohio Judge was pissed so he said that they can either hold the goods in a sealed garage until the property settlement was completed or they could turn the goods over to me. The police would not let them take anything out of the garage before it was sealed,,,, … I got to be witness for a locksmith placing tamper seals on their garage door, window, and interior door…lol. It only took them 6 weeks to relent and give me my stuff. I took my time going down and getting it too lol…. Well any way we finally found the ex and I got the divorce for abandonment we were divorced exactly 24 months from the day we got married.

The second one was a Canadian woman that I met while on vacation we dated for 4 years before we got married. I did the K1 with her. It was almost 2 years after we were married that I found out almost everything she told me about her past while we were dating was a lie. I found out that she was previously married (that didn’t turn up in the K1 Process) I found out that she had 2 kids that she did not have custody of, the EX had coustody… Well long story short, I forgave her for the lies and maintained the relationship. 4 years later I found out that the reason she was divorced in the first place was because she was an alcoholic. I found out when she fell off the wagon and got a DUI with a BAC of 0.42 yes I said zero point four two. (that would kill a normal person) STILL I maintained the relationship and tried to dry her out. After 7 more years, dealing with the lies and the on and off the wagon issues, raising her two boys that I helped her get custody back for. I finally gave up and walked out on her when I caught her making arrangements to meet men from Yahoo dating service.

So here I am a 41 year old man, whose biggest regret in life in not having kids of his own…

This puts me in a precarious position.

1 finding a woman that WANTS to have kids

2 Finding a woman that WANTS to have children with a 41 year old man

3 Finding a woman that wants to have kids and does not have any of her own (You may find it distasteful but raising two kids that haven’t talked to me since the divorce will do that to a person)

4 I am 6’ 3” and weigh 215 lbs, finding a woman with the above qualifications that does not weigh more than me (no matter what you say sexual attraction is important in a relationship I just am not attracted to a woman that I cant put my arms around or that I cant breath when she lies on top of me)

5 Finding a woman that wants peace in her life, wants to raise a family with good family values (she can work or not as long as she is happy, my income is well in the top 10 percentile of the US. I only ask that if she works that child care not cost us more than what she earns, if it does then it is a better financial decision for her to be with the kids)

So when you look at it from my perspective I am not being picky or closed minded I just know what I want….. Most woman run for the hills when I discuss what I want and the ones that don’t, have other problems that make them usually come out within a few months of dating.

So here I am, I have found what I find to be the perfect woman. A 24 year old Filipino woman that wants the same thing in life as I do. We met through the wife of a co worker. We talked on line for 5 months, I visited her for 20 days in the summer, and we started talking about marriage and the K1 visa process. She really wanted to get married in the Philippines and be given away by her father, and her parents wanted to witness her wedding. We got married December, 29 2008. I am totally nuts about her and she is probably more nuts about me……… and that my friends is why I find myself on VJ, researching the K3 process

Troy W.

Actually I am more than a little pissed off at our present system. Why does the spouse of a US citizen have to go through all this #######? It is complete and utter bull sh#t. Very simply I should have to submit an affidavit of support, at the embassy, say I am taking complete responsibility for my wife’s maintenance during the visa process and BINGO a 2 year visa should be given to her. That way we can be together instead of having to be apart during this absolutely insane process.

Right now we have 3 little kingdoms that are competing between each other and all 3 are trying to show the couple who is the boss…….The consulate is the worse of all 3, with them there is NO recourse, no oversight, and no reprimand for abuse of authority.

There is NO reason in this day and age for the K1 and K3 process to take as long as it does. There is NO reason for having to supply the kind of information to immigration, Department of home land security and the embassy like we have to. Believe me any prosecutor in the country can have your whole life story, your work history, criminal history within 3 weeks from the FBI.

Quite frankly this is nothing more than the government’s way of continuing to use tax payer dollars to keep a bunch of ineffective employees off the street. Any business that had the piss pore customer support and response times like these agencies do would have been out of business before they even had the first customer completed.

A lot of courts automatically hand out restraining orders for both parties in a divorce, especially in large cities with high crime rates. It is just the courts way of saying “don’t be stupid” I would not sweat it unless it came with an assault or battery charge.

I was divorced from my previous wife of 13.5 years in 2002 February and it was not a good divorce I had just started business few years before and worked 7 days a week and me being away from home so much she grew tired and found another source of excitement, anyway I also co-signed a loan for my step daughter and she had quit paying on the loan, changed addresses for mail and I did not find out til car in repo and they called my home to tell me they wanted my car back, I told them I just paid it off and they told me which MY CAR they were talking about and it was my step daughters car I cosigned on, so I basically had to steal my own car back which I did but in process during a communication on telephone I uttered these stupid words "If you guys don't give the car back I will HURT you just like YOU are hurting me". Well of course this was not a threat of harm to a person by way of physical means, if I was a physical person somewhere during our divorce proceeding I think it would have been brought up (BTW this happened 8 days after divorce was final). I was talking about hurting my ex-wives credit rating which was what they were doing to me by not paying on the car and having it go into repossession, this was my only train of thought, well the court did not see it that way. They said it could be CONSTRUED to be a physical threat and a Temporary Restraining Order was granted to my ex-wife. So, ok I had to deal with it and I did.

The question is this going to be a blockade to our K1 visa, will it cause problems. Does it fall under the category of Domestic Violence or anything pertaining to Section C Question 2. Is this something that I have to disclose or is this disclosure only pertain to someone who uses an International Marriage Broker. I don't think this is a misdemeanor or a felony at all, but I just don't know so I am asking here. I have copies of the case timeline from the court and it is certified if I need it but they told me they don't even keep records of these after a year of so because they are granted if someone just says you say something. I know what people think when they hear this but I assure you I never intended or would hurt my family and my words were taken out of context, I sincerely believe that this was done to hurt me in only way left by my wife after the divorce courts gave me the house, my business and 2 of my 3 step-children decided to stay living with me after my ex wife and I divorced.

Thanks for any help you may offer,

Donnie