coria1988

Hello everyone!

I had my visa interview on November 5, 2008 and shortly after that I have received my K1-visa.

However, I do not know anymore if I still want to get married.

What would I have to do with the visa?

Would I have to write a letter to the Consulate stating my reasons for not wanting to marry anymore?

What if I just visited the States in the next few months, would I have to enter with my visa or could I enter as a normal tourist? Would they let me enter as a tourist without my visa papers?

And what if the visa expired and I wanted to visit the States later on? Would I be refused entry or anything like that? Would they not asked me why I did not use the visa?

Thanks in advance.

Coria, I believe you are processing what you are reading and sometimes it may take a few days or even weeks to come to the realization that the relationship has not been what you wanted it to be.Sometimes we want something so bad that we build sand castles in the sky that are fantasies without substance.

It takes time to break up, it is a process.

It is normal to go through the different stages of grieving when faced with a loss of a relationship.

Shock, denial, bargaining, depression, then anger and and finally acceptance.

Some go through it faster, some slower, some repeat the circle several times.

Most here are older and have experience of how to walk away at the appropriate time, you are so young and learning.

Be gentle on yourself and keep reality going while trying to process that it is not what it seemed to be and that it is ok to move on when you are ready.

It helps to bounce things off the board and can be therapeutic with the right support.

I believe that in time you will do the right thing and will carry yourself with confidence that true love is out there, just not with this man.

Thank you Omoba! I think (maybe I know it!) that is just the way it is. I do not want it to be true and think about the past too much. How nice everything was. It is hard letting it go...

I am so sorry. I have been expecting you guys getting mad. But I have read every single advice and I did think about it. And I think I do just want to tell myself that some stuff is not true, that it can't be reality what is happening but it is. However, I want to know WHY?

I really thought about it and about what I will do next, career wise and everything. I also feel that I could not marry him no more if he came up telling me:"Hey baby, I love you and can't wait for you to come here" or something like that. And I somehow do know that there is no way no more because if I do not marry him we can't be together and we just could see us for visits. And who knows if he keeps lying to me....

It is not that I think the deployment is the reason. I was asking that because I considered him lying about the deployment. That he just mentioned it to cancel the visa. Maybe he is just to chicken-livered to tell me the f***ing truth and holds me on line.

If he told me what was going on I would be there for him but I guess I tried and there is nothing I can do no more but function like he wants it....And that is not how I want to work!

I do think everything over. I just can't take my decision withing a day. However, I am pretty sure what my decision will be and how it will end up...

Everything will be good. And this time I do not mean that it will be good because he tells me that he loves me still but rather that I will move on...And I do hope that when I take that decision that it will be the right one...

Have a wonderful day!!!

deployments fall under operational security and people are cautioned not to tell anyone when, where, or even if they are going.

Not even co-workers are allowed to know it?

People who work on the same ward...

Oops, now I see in your profile that he wanted to call off the wedding a month ago. I guess it isn't cold feet, more like he has made up his mind.

He wanted to postpone the wedding two years. He wanted to marry me when he comes back to Germany...at least he said so...

And I just wondered whether they are allowed to tell that they might get deployed or not because he said that he was not. And I have already told a co-worker and he was worried that she tells it around. He just wanted to postpone the wedding because he thought he is getting deployed. OR AT LEAST I THOUGHT SO...

He is a medic and would get attached to a unit when they get deployed (that's how I understood it).

So does anybody know if its true that co-workers are not allowed to know about that?

But what if there is something else wrong with him and I dont wait....

You know I want to be there for him if anything does not work well. And at the end I could at least say that I tried... I really will think about it and I do all the time but it takes time to make a decision...

Hello,

Does anybody know if co-workers are allowed to know that a soldier (co-worker) might get deployed?

Oh and does anybody know if the co-workers are allowed to know that he might get deployed?

If he is that unsure, that's his answer right there. When me and my hunnie were apart, I could think of nothing but being together........ so something is definitely going on with him...

I could not think of anything better but being with him either but now I think it would feel strange...very strange.

It has not always been like that, I have looked at some emails...

December 4 2007, 01:39coria said on: hey i had a dream last night thats why i could not sleep please tell me if you ever are going to cheat on me (i know you wont baby i do)but if you ever are let me know before you do so i dont have to go crazy and phsyco ok please baby ok i love you so much and i know you will never do it because you love me too i just hate that feeling i got when i woke up ok it felt like my life was completely over because you had done it in my dreams ok please dont be mad because i just am telling you because you said i can tell you anything too December 4 2007, 05:37coria said on: hey i just wanted to let you knwo you are the best thing in my life and i thank god you are mine i cant wait to be with you and marry you and make you the happiest woman in the world because will make me the happiest man ever i love you and i am going to sleep baby sorry if you thought i hung up on but i didnt

(He barely ever puts punctuation marks! lol)

10.04.2008

Hey I love you

No matter how mad I get at you

You are always going to be the best thing of my life ok

I just wish you understood that

Maybe one day Ill prove it to you if I just knew how

09.10.2008

Hey sorry i pissed you off this morning but I dont remember talking to you sorry well I love you have a great day

So, his mails were not always that stupid....and he thought I get mad at him often...I have just been mad because he did not have a phone and I wanted to talk to him. He told me that he was getting a phone on day X. Okay, then he found out that he did not have time. Postponed it. Then on another day his electricity did not work so he did not see the necessity of getting a phone and said he will get one when his electricity is back. I told him he can call me from another phone somewhere else but he said there were not any public phones in his barracks. Then one day he looked at the wrong schedule and did not have to work. However, he did not get the phone that day either. And now he has a phone, now we do not talk that much no more...If the phone has worked the whole time? =S

Well that was just what makes me angry that he barely had any time for me. I know there is work but he sometimes slept for 12 hours or more and if it was important to talk to me he would have woken up a bit earlier, wouldnt he? Maybe to get the phone or to just talk to me...

I just hope that I did not do anything wrong about that because he asked me why I was getting so mad at him lately and the answer was because he barely took time for me...

So, maybe this was it what pushed him to that....

I will still wait for some days and see what is going on...yesterday he did not write me at all....

So, I think about everything once again.

I just think when I leave him somebody else could get him....

They could get the "great" (!?) guy I left...=S

Thank you all so very much.

Have a nice day....=)

You know...if I decided to be with him, I would not know any other way but marrying him to be able to stay in the States with him. The army stationed him there and he was not able to stay in Germany back then. And without the marriage I also would not be able to stay with him longer than three months...Plus we would have to pay the apartment our own...

But which other girl would want a guy who is still engaged and still has his fiancé in Germany?

Well, I know some things I just don't want them to be true and push them away.

He often wants things done his way (well I sometimes do too =p) and if I cry sometimes he tells me that I just want to make him feel guilty instead of realizing that I am sad...

He is not that open to compromise as I am. Either his way or no way.

So I will try not to contact him no more until he contacts me and even then I try to wait a day or two until I reply...

If he will tell me that he still wants me at the end...oh well...then I will think about the whole situation again and will try not to go back to him like it is so easy to get me back. And if I decide to go the States what I prolly would do, I do not know if we should marry right away. Maybe I should just get a hotel room (oh well, he would have to pay it LOL). I don't have that much money, but if he wanted me there I think he would pay it...

So I will wait and see what happens...

And it is not that I did not think about what you guys wrote on here. I just do think that he does not have another woman but him acting so weird...who would know? Just him...

Well, I took your advice and also wrote him that if he still loved me a little bit right now that he should let me celebrate christmas with him (I would stay in a hotel and he could stay in the barracks, so we could be together but still apart). Guess what his answer mail was? His reply to that was the following:

I am not getting black mailed by you with this

I told you what the plan was so no I don't want you to come here in dec

ok it going to be real busy and I need my time alone ok

and in another mail he wrote me that: I told you I want time on my own right now didn't I

It upset me to hear such hard words...

Well I will just leave him for now and see what the future will bring...

I am dancing just like that hehe

Haha =O)

I hope that you will soon get the visa - just some steps left.

Congratulations!!!

Well, I know that he has not had any contact because his half sister once wrote me and told me that she is pregnant and that he did not answer his phone. He does not like his family and he once told that Walls too. Walls has just told me lately. So why would he tell walls that he did not like them when he does? He grew up at his grandmas house and his mom just came and picked him up to get the money. His dad treated him like a slave. He had to work hard and that is what he is good at but he did not receive any love of his dad...It was his dad step daugther (his half-sister) who was his favorite and then she tried to kill herself years ago...

Like I said he does not have that much friends...just the ones from the army and he barely has contact no more to the ones in Germany and over there he has some...not alot but I have never talked to them...He once wanted to introduce me to one of them when he (my fiancés friend) had a party at his place (on post) but they did not let me in. I was not allowed to go on base...

Okay, just some days ago his half-sister wrote him that Wendy died.

Wendy was a good friend of him years ago. She got stabbed.

And he said that he wrote her back that he was sorry and that he wanted to know what happened.

That's it!

It is very importnat that you not only get to know your fiancee but that you get to know hiw familly, some of his friends. Have you talked to any of his familly?

Hello, he does not have contact no more to his family...they have sometimes talked before but just because he thought it would be his duty to do so. He really told me bad things about them and also about his half-sister. At the beginning I said that I bet that they did not mean it and later on I just got mad at them, especially at his half-sister. I think I did not talk to anyone of them but his half-sister two years ago. And the only guy he talks to is Walls, he lives here in Germany and is in the army too. He kinda is an ####### but you still can talk to him somehow. My fiancé however likes him alot because he is funny and just doesnt give a f*** about the stupid #### he says...well and the others seem like friends that come and go throught the military. I do not have contact to any of the guys he has hung out with over there in the States...I just have contact to walls and he barely talkes to Eliseo and yesterday he said: Keep up if you keep jabbering about this #######...or something like that. So, I just have to ignore sentences like that.

Hello,

He did not say that I put him under pressure. I told him about the future yesterday how I thought it would be and then he told me that this would put pressure on him. He did not say that put pressure on him before. Maybe I did but he always seemed like the stronger one out of the two of us, so I thought I can tell him. Maybe it put alot of pressure on him without him realizing it...I do not know. I am sorry.

@analovesmarky

Nope, we won't spend christmas together. He does not want me to come. Like I said he thinks that he can only figure it out by himself. Without me ...

@DanielParul

Of what might he not let me part of again?

I just would hope that such a situation never arises again...

It feels so weird...I have been crying so much that now I can barely cry no more ... I just wait and hope that his decision will be made soon.

Really, I thank you so much for listening. And it must get boring listening to all that...

But as soon as I have any news I will let you know. =)

I have never meant to put him under so much pressure (if that's what it is).

I just wanted to make sure that I will be alright all alone in a foreign country.

I feel so bad, I did not mean to do that to him. And he could have told me.

I just thought that it's okay for me to tell him that in order to find the best apartment in a good area and all that ...

I feel left alone and I wonder what I did wrong. And his answer is: You did not do anything wrong. But how could that happen then?

I would like us to just be happy again and be ready to plan our future together. I do not like that he gives me 6 weeks to wait for an answer. I think it is really bad. But I have to do it because that's how he wants it. And I made a "plan" before which he did not like, so he made a "plan" and I was ok with. Just because I have to be ok with it. What if I say that he has to give me an answer sooner? What will it do to him? I dont know, so I just take it and wait and hope it turns out well. I would like to see him as soon as possible. I suggested him that I visit him in December and stay in a hotel for that time. Like that we can be together but still apart if he wants to be. Because he can always go back to the barracks. But he did not like that idea. He wants me to wait and figure it out by himself. So there is nothing I can do about it but wait ...

Hello,

I talked to him yesterday.

He told me that he was sorry and that he would let me know on January 2, 2009.

Yeah, weird he told me an exact date, huh? I asked him why he just picked that date and he told me because it is New Year. And he would hope to figure it out before. Now he made a "plan" to only talk to me three times a week (emailing) and once a week he would talk to me by phone. Well, I did feel that there was something wrong in October but I think it was his fear of not knowing what will happen to me when I am in the States all alone in case he has to leave. I told him before that I would be very sad if he had to leave and that I could go to France or Spain during that time in order to improve my language skills. I also said that this would not work because I could not just leave the country when he gets deployed early, I would need to have an Advance Parole. Plus, I have always been more worried about the crime over there. I know the area I live in, where to go and where not to go. So I think at that moment back then when he heard that he might get deployed he wanted to protect me from all of this. He wanted to come to Germany and get married here but he does not have more than 10 leave days. So, as I did not know alot about the Advance Parole, I called USCIS and informed myself. After telling him that it should not take a long time to get it he agreed that I should go to the interview. I think I really made him crazy about that...I have always said: "But the apartment has to be in a good area." "Is there a lot of crime?". I was just worried but I have always wanted to go there. Maybe I was just scared because I do not know how it really is over there. I have been there for three weeks and that was it.

He told me that it really just started last weekend this weird feeling. I have read to him the following poem which I looked for two weeks ago, in case I could not tell him no more. It was so true and it is such a nice poem. Okay, now I want to share it with you guys.

There's a special place in my heart

that only you can touch -

a place where I can go and feel you near.

Throughout the day I think of you.

I see your smile, hear your voice

and in my thoughts you lovingly appear.

The way we love each other

makes it hard to be apart

so when I can't hold you in my arms,

I hold you in my heart.

Hay un lugar especial en mi corazón

Que solo tu puedes tocar

Un lugar donde puedo ir y te siento cerca

Durante el dia pienso en ti.

Miro tu sonrisa, oigo tú voz

Y en mi pensiamentos apareces amorosamente

La manera en que nos amamos uno a otro

Hace más dificil estar separados.

Por eso aunque no te puedo tener en mi brazos

Yo te tengo en mi corazòn.

I did not write it myself because I suck at it but when I read that poem I just had to take it because it is/was (?) so true. I even got the spanish version...I wanted to do it like a present with both versions. He is born in the States but has mexican ancestors so he does speak spanish. When I read it to him, he was all quiet and I do not even know if he said anything afterwards. I think he did not say anything. The connection was bad, I barely heard him.

He said that he did not know what the answer will be at the end but that he thought it would be good. That he thinks he would decide for me (he said it differently as a response to my question) but that he was not 100 % sure as he feels so weird. I am really sorry for him feeling so weird and it hurts me to see that he is not doing good either but I somehow think "He got us in that situation". I know it is dumb to think that and I am sorry and I don't really know what to say on the phone. When I told him what I was thinking about lately, about our future, it just put pressure on him. He did not know how but he said that he could feel that it puts pressure on him. So what should I say? That I am so happy and having fun every single minute waiting for his decision? I hope next time it will be better...I was a bit relaxed when I called him but then I just started crying, I was happy to hear him, but it made me cry too. I also felt so weird yesterday, first I felt SAD SAD SAD then just empty like the world is passing by and I do not know whether to be sad or happy (I did not like that at all) and then I was SAD again...

I told him that we do whatever is best for him. If he wants to talk to me we do, otherwise we dont. I did not know what to say and I do not want to upset him more...

Well, I hope you all have a great day. I have to go to work.

Thanks for your support guys.

Hey,

Don't worry! Our case has never been touched....

and that woman is completely correct. What will you do if he does not contact you. Its been a few days or more then that now and nothing yet? did he say WHEN he would?? I still think it is childish and unfair to let you go through this pain and not tell you.

It is sad to say we all have learned to love jerks. ( i do not mean to offend but any person, male or female is a jerk in my eyes if they cant come out and be 100% honest and leave the other person hanging like a wet cat from a tall tree.

He did contact me yesterday. And he told me that I should call him tonight. I was not awake no more when he came back from work yesterday. =(

Hello,

I am home now. I feel a bit better RIGHT NOW.

I just wanted to let you know that I have received the visa today =)

Well, at least I hope that I can be happy about it....

It looks so nice HAHA

Oh, when I left work one woman told me (as ChelleKeith already said):

If you love someone set them free, if they return it's meant to be.

I just hope that he only got cold feet ... I can't wait to talk to him later on.

Have a good day.

Oh, thank you ChelleKeith.

That is so nice of you.

I really do not want to hear that he has another woman, but I do not just say that I belive that he has not another woman because I do not want it to be like that. No! Because I know that he does not have one. 180% sure

When I read those posts, I just want to thank you all for giving me advice and helping me go through this. He will call me tonight...I think I will feel a bit weird when talking to him, but I am looking forward to hearing his voice. It has been some weeks since we last talked.

I am at work and should not write on here but I cant think of anything else.

I am sure about him not having any other girl. That's what he tells me and I believe him when saying that. Why would he want to talk to me if he had another girl? Well, I do believe him that he has no other woman it is just so hard to hear that he is not sure about his feelings to me.

I have felt so bad...I cried yesterday at work but here in my department nobody realized it and today I just looked sad, at least I think so. A woman asked me "What's wrong?" and in that moment I could not keep it back no more, I just had to start crying. I really feel weird when crying here at work and I just hope for the hours to pass by fast...

@ ChelleKeith

Thanks for sharing your story.

I just hope he realizes how great you are and what you did for him.

I really hope that it works out for you.

@ canadian_wife

I am 20 years old.

I don't want to give you false hope, but giving him a few weeks of no contact while he works through his confusion, so that he 'feels' his decision to end your relationship may be the best way to approach this.

What do you mean with the following:

"His decision to end your relationship may be the best way to approach this"? Approach what?