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Hi there. Thanks for all your advice. Sorry for not getting an update on sooner. I dont have net access at my parents and I think the site was down yesterday.

Well, obvisously not alot has changed emotionally or in the situation itself. I managed to get through work yesterday. I went in the morning after it happened thinking I could carry on like nothing had happened, i couldn't.

My emotions are still all over the place. I go from balling like a child, to positive, to wondering how on earth I am going to get through this, to being constructive, from talking to my family to clamming up.

Ive broken up with girlfriends in the past, this is very different.

As it stands I think she still wants divorce. We are talking a couple of times a day and we both want that.

She was sick yesterday so I told her just to catch up on her sleep and concentrate on getting better.

Obviously I just want to get a plane and be with her there now. But with her situation, that isn't really possible. I could be in the same state, but I couldn't see her at the moment.

Ive told her that I don't want this to end. That I want her and Im willing to do whatever it takes to make this work. Ive told her that ultimately I will give her what she wants, if it makes her happy, but I would want, and I hope that she would want to consider and exaust every option before ending it. She has said that she wants me in her life. She wishes we could still have a romantic relationship, and still be best friends, but that she isn't ready to be married. But as we all know the whole immigration situation (I have a 2 yr conditional residence card - I think im not allowed out the country for longer than 6 months), this is not going to be possible.

I've told her that if the worst does come to the worst, she has to promise me that if she ever, ever changes her mind that she has to let me know and I will figure some way out to be together. Ive told her that I couldn't end it without seeing each other again, even if its to say our goodbyes.

But I think that the next time I talk to her I will tell her all this again, but say that look, you have told me what the problem is, that is done, you need to concentrate on your school for now, and concentrate on getting yourself together and over the stress you have been feeling before telling me this. I will tell her that in the mean time we should just carry on talking to each other...when she wants to, cos we both want that, but not talking about this. Talk in general how we normally do. Obviously my hope is that eventually she will figure things out and want to fight for us.

I will update again at lunch - I have to start work.

Not sure if any of you read my post in Off Topic. entitled "coping with military separation". Well I have an update. At the end of our conversation yesterday my wife of 17 months, and love of my life. The person I met as a penpal 18 years ago told me that our marriage was over. Although I had suspicions that something was wrong, it came completely out of the blue, via phone, with me in England.

As you can expect I am totally devastated. I don't know what to do or how to cope. Im sure I will post more later, but she pretty much said that she still loves me, im her best friend, she doesn't want to lose me but being alone at her navy school she isn't ready to be married yet. She said that she hasn't been happy in her self for a while (she has lead a pretty traumatic life), and that she has relied on her family all her life and then me. She said that she needs time alone to figure out who she is, what she wants to do and to prove to herself that she can function on her own. She told me that she never could have told me face to face that she is too much of a coward. At least she is honest.

Ive dragged myself into work today somehow, but I cried my eyes out all the way to work on the bus. I don't know what to do, all I know is that it feels like the end of my world. She was my world. I just do not know what to do..

Im about to post in the AOS section. It's not good.

Thanks all for your replies and advice. I will try and address a few questions some of you have asked, I think I could have been a little clearer in my post, but I was doing it on my brothers computer at his house and I didnt have much privacy so kinda rushed it.

Personally I would much rather be in Florida too. None of this was actually my idea, and until march of this year the plan was that I would go with her, I would indeed get an apartment and I would literally get an inflatable matress and a TV. I would have passed my driving test by then and that would make it much easier to get a job. That was the plan. We were happy enough with it.

At the beginning of march we went up to her parent's for a couple of weeks to visit. I had been out one day and my wife and her mom had had a girly day together and had obviously being doing alot of talking.

When I got back it seems they had talked about her school and they thought that all in all it would be better for me to go back to England cos it would allow for her to concentrate fully on her studies, as it is a very hard class. And as I hadnt managed to get my driving license I would struggle to get around town and get a job etc. Within a couple of days I kinda reluctantly agreed and we had booked a flight. Even though I would much rather have stayed with her.

I actually mentioned to her the other day that I could come back if she wants and if that would make things better, it turned out that she could actually live off base if I were there, although she would have to go to base for watches at all hours. She said no because we couldn't afford it and I now have a job here and if I was there she would probably be distracted etc, basically the same reasons for me to go in the first place.

I do write to her often. I have mailed her several letters and birthday cards from me and my family - she has yet to go collect them from the mail room.

I am totally supportive to her when we do speak. I am positive and am not showing any insecurites etc for the reasons you in one of the replies. She needs my full support, and if she is stressed or depressed etc I don't want to make her worry about me either. But to be honest though some positive, re-assuraning words from her every now and then wouldn't go a miss.

As far as sharing her room with "soldiers" or "sailors" in her case - whilst technically true,believe me it is like a college slumber party. She is sharing a room with three 18 year olds who have just come out of bootcamp - and she actually said it is like being at college or high-school. She said they are very immature and she is really suprised that they are in the military -infact two of them wont be for much longer, they are waiting to go home.

And as I stated in my post, I do understand that she is in, and why she is in "military mode" - when she is surrounded by her colleages. However Im a little suprised that she is still not talking to me "normally" when she does have the opportunity and is alone. Friday and saturday night she went out with some of the other people for the whole day. Would you not be slightly agrieved that she has time to spend going out drinking and having a good time with people she has known for a matter of weeks but can't seem to find the time to talk to her husband for literally more than 2 to 5 minutes.

Last night I tried to tell her how I am feeling and find out more about whats eating her, but she had to go as some people she was going for a drink with were waiting for her, and would it be cool if she calls me tomorrow. I felt like i had been completely blown off again.

Anyway thanks for your advice, I will see what today brings ,it is her birthday afterall so It would be nice to talk to her.

Oh yeah, another reason I know that our marriage is not in doubt is cos she called me from the mall all scared to tell me, and apologise that she just spent $400 in victoria secret on PJ's and Bras

Hi there. Just wondering if anyone has any advice or has similar experiences, having a tough time of it at the moment. Also its just kinda therapeutic getting it off my chest.

The wife and I have been married since Jan 05, so thats about 17 months now. Everything is great, we love each other very much. Had a stressfulish year following Hurricane Katrina and upheaval to Memphis and then moving around a fair bit (we've moved house 7 times since we've been married). We haven't spent longer than a couple of weeks apart - when i came back to England for a family emergency. That was really tough and we missed each other terribly. My wife kept calling me upset and missing me, and in the end I cut my trip short by a week cos we just missed each other that much.

Anyways, my wife is in the Military. She has had to go to a training school in Florida, for what we believed would be 3 and a half to 4 months. It is a residential course and she has to stay on the base. We were staying in a furnished apartment at a cost of $1800 a month which was paid for by the military following Katrina. All of our belongings are in storage, we cannot get them moved for us until we move to our next duty station following her school, which we wont know the location of until then. The military stopped paying us the exta for the apartment when she went to the school. After considering the facts that I can't drive yet, I wouldn't have work there, we wouldn't have furniture, getting an apartment and all the utilities etc for the sake of a couple of months, the distinct possiblities of further evactuations from hurricanes, and the fact that we would hardly, if ever see each other, we decided it would probably be best that I come back to England for those 3-4 months whilst she attends school. I would get a job, which would be good money when it is converted to dollars, I would take driving lessons (found it hard in TN to find schools who didnt exclusively teach teenagers), I would have the company of my friends and family whereas in FL I would know no-one. It sounded great. We knew we would miss each other, but we would both be busy and the time would fly by -absence makes the heart grow fonder etc.

Well it has been just over a month now and it hasn't been as easy as I expected. I have a good job - so that keeps me occupied in the day and makes time go much faster. However I am missing her terribly. My friends now hardly go out, so I find myself stuck in during the evenings and most weekends. I am living with my parents, but they spend most of the time just sitting watching TV during the evenings without saying a word.

We also just found out that she could be in school much longer, as they have to wait for enough people to start the class. This could take months apparently. I think I am only allowed to be out of the country for 6 months - in which case I will go back and get an apartment in Fl until she finishes. But six months is such a long time. I know with her in the military I will have to get used to the idea as eventually she will have to go out on deployment for up to 9 months (this could happen as soon as she finishes this course which means we will be apart for pretty much 15 months with a couple ofmonths together in the middle.

Until they start the class proper, they are kept busy cleaning the base and standing watches etc. This has made it even harder. Due to a combination of how busy they keep her throughout the entire day, and the time difference we only really get to talk to each over for about 5 minutes per day, which is really so short. I look forward to talking to her all day and then when it comes it is over so quickly it is like an anti-climax. To make matters worse she always has people around her - she even shares her room with more girls, so when she speaks to me she is always in military mode and can't talk to me "properly" i.e affectionately or "lovey-dovey". It is not like talking to my wife at all, its like talking to a friend in the military. She always sounds so stressed and tired and the call is always a rush or has to be ended abrubtly due to something she has to go do. I often come away from the call feeling very sad indeed.

It is odd, although we havent, my body feels like we have broken up or something. You know that feeling when you break up from a long-time girlfriend/boyfriend you still love? Its just like that. Im craving some affection, kind words etc. Im finding that she is not saying things like "i love you" or "i miss you" without being prompted. She has been out a couple of times. Once she went to a bar on base with a married male. Now I completely trust her, but I still felt a little jealous simply due to the fact that this guy was goiing to get to go out and spend time with her - whereas I am getting my 5 minute a day conversations.

She called me last night. She has the weekend off. Its her birthday weekend so she booked herself into the base hotel for a couple of nights so that she can have the place to herself. She had had a few to drink, and although we talked for a little longer, she still wasn't talking like "her". She said that she wasn't very happy at the moment and was feeling down. She said that she had to figure some things out. When I asked her what she said, "dunno, just some things - big things...life", she said that it was nothing to do with us or our marriage etc. But it kind of upset me that she couldn't tell me what these "big things" were. I think some of it was the drink talking, and I alot of it is the stress of her situation, and Im sure she is adjusting to being apart from me just as much. But she seems to be coping without being with me more than I am about her. I mean Im coping, but Im missing her so much, whereas she seems too busy to even consider missing me. Id hoped that during this weekend, being in a hotel by herself, she could talk to me like the real her. But so far no luck.

I dunno, I guess as well as missing her terribly and adjusting to being back here in england, I am deep down starting to worry that her being away from me is going to make her not want me to come back for some reason. Like she is going to get used to being apart from me and prefer the single life again. The not talking to me like we are husband and wife - like we have talked ot each other til the day i left and for a few days after again have made it much harded. Even if she were to just humour me it would be a little easier.

There seem to be so many support groups and websites for Miltiary spouses, but they seem to take it for granted that the spouse is female.

Any thoughts, advice?

I can't speak for all offices, but when I did my biometrics when we lived in New Orleans, you didn't have to have an appointment to get in. There was a security guard inside who checked your ID etc, but then there were just two queues to the main counter, one for people with Infopass Appointments and one for people without, and basically people with Infopass Appointments got priority.

It will probably depend on the office but I don't think that appointments are a must unless its a crazily busy office. I had to wait a few weeks from getting my biometric letter before I could actually get an appointment, however I later learned that people had just been walking in and getting there fingerprints and biometrics done.

Were they a long time ago? Even if no waiver is required they might well grill him a little about them. Could be worth thinking about the kind of questions they may ask him about them and thinking of some answers in advance, and most of all stay calm and collected.

Dont' mean to alarm anyone but i was the original answerer and i definitely didnt just get looked at. I am male so maybe its different but the doctor I had made sure to check if i was circumcised.

I hope it wasnt just me ......

See thats what I don't understand about some of these doctors reasons for checking out people bits, what difference does it make if you are circumcised or not? Would I have not been let in the country cos im not? Next there will be size requirements!!!!!

See there seems to be some inconsistency here. I here of guys and gals having their bits inspected on these forums. When i had my medical in London, nothing under my underwear was tampered with or discussed, id even put on my form that I had had an inguinal hernia repair and he didn't even check me for hernias. Nor were any of the other people I spoke to who had their medicals at the same time. Wonder if we have any pervy docs who use this as an excuse to "have a peek"!!

Ive had the same problems trying to learn to drive here in TN. Most the schools I found would only teach kids. I found one but I wasn't sure it would be worth it. It was $325, and for that you just got 2 hours in a simulator and 2 hours behind the wheel, and they claim that is enought to get your license and be able to drive safely. Personally I dont think I would be confident enough to drive on my own after just 2 hours in a real car.

Im headed back to england for 3-4 months whilst my wife does some military training schools, I think I am going to take some lessons when I get back. even if I dont get my license in england at least I will learn the basics.

My Inlaws are great. We don't see them very often as they live in Couer de'Alene ID and we live down in TN at the moment. I speak to them often on the phone. As I said they are great people and more like friends. However Kerri's mom does like to tell us what she thinks we should to. Keeps telling us we should invest in property etc, I really don't think she realises that we don't have the finances available that they have. Her step dad is also a good guy. He is a retired Marine Colonel so can be a little intense and intimidating to some people (though not me anymore - we get on very well) , though he does keep trying to push hunting on me, and has a tendency to repeat himself alot. We were watching the last 25 minutes of the movie, "The Aviator" together the last time we visited, and he told me no fewer than 9 times in 25 minutes "This is a true story".

Kerri's Dad again is a top guy, however he is a retired cop and is always right even when he isnt if you know what I mean. Her step mom is only about 6-8 years older than her, again she is really nice, but kinda shy. She has a tendancy to disappear upstairs whenever we visit.

Definately Target. Things are much better quality and service is faster and friendlier. We have shopped at Walmart, but not often. When we got our first house together we bought a lot of "value" furniture from Walmart due to the low prices, sadly most of it went in the bin months ago. It's true you get what you pay for, and unfortunately most of Walmarts home products are hardly even worth the low price. We couldn't afford much at the time, but we have decided now we would rather go with out, get lesss stuff but makesure the stuff we have is really good stuff that is going to last.

I should think so. As long as all the sponsor/support info is all correct and notarised etc and she has proof of adequate income to sponsor shouldnt be a problem.

You are bringing back memories of mine now. There were no trains going down that early without staying the night so I had to get up at 2:00am to get a coach from Birmingham to London. There was some crazy junkie lady on the bus that kept shouting and threatening people. There really are some odd characters in coach stations and on coaches at that time!!

I got off at marble arch. There were gale force winds blowing somthing stupid. I had all my documents in a plastic folder and I literally had to fight to keep hold of them. It was obviously still pitch black and nothing was open. I lived in London for a couple of years but still had to wonder round in the middle of the night looking for the Doctors office. It took me a while to find, in the end turned out I had walked past it several times. I remember sitting smoking on the step at 4:30am - I had recently given up smoking but the nerves and the boredom made me cave in.

I remember all the people who would walk past and not see me sat there and it scared the ####### out of em when they finally saw me, and the people who crossed to the other side of the street lol, probably thought I was a dangerous hobo.

The next person didn't turn up til about 7:00am so it was a long lonely wait.

Sounds like you have everything you need. I no it's hard not to be nervous but when I finally did my medical/interview in January last year it was in the end an underwelming experience. Though it would be wrong to suggest it is never the case, and wrong to suggest you don't go in unprepared - to be honest, at the London embassy, the use of the word Interview is an overstatement. My interview literally lasted as long as it took her to do my paperwork. I was asked 3 maybe four questions, though im not even sure the girl was paying much attention to my replies. It was more like she was asking them cos she was supposed to ask them. I was literally asked "how did you meet", "when did you first meet in person", "how many times have you met" followed by a fakely suspicious "you've only met two times and your getting married" to which I replied yes, weve spend three months together combined" - to which she said ok the visa is approved. It's the waiting and the travelling (if you live outside London) that were the most painful things for me. We only had one person out of our group that was turned down, she was an 18 year old and she was turned down on financial/support grounds. Now I don't want to appear ageist, and dont doubt that 18 year olds can experience true love, but I think that her age may have had a factor in the decision, its a big decision and a big move for anyone, they told her to re-apply when finances were in order. But maybe they wanted her to make sure she was certain first.

Im sure you will be fine and good luck!!

Hi all. Was wondering if anyone had ever shipped a desktop computer and monitor overseas?

My wife is in the Navy and is going to Air Traffic Controller school at the end of april for 4 months in Pensacola Fl. She has to live on the Barracks and I wont be able to see her. Rather than going through the trouble of me moving down there for four months during hurricane season etc we decided it would be better for me to return to England til school was done. We have to vacate our current apartment as it is a corporate furnished apartment paid for by the Navy since we were evacuated from New orleans. I dont drive yet So i cant really stay here.

Anyways, any furniture we were able to salvage from new orleans was put in storage for us and will remain there until we find out where we will be living after my wife's school. We have been told that we cannot add anything to storage. We dont have alot of stuff as we live in a furnished apartment. Basically we have clothes, a small TV, DVD Recorder, Stereo and a brand new computer. Kerri has been told she cannot take any of this stuff with her to have on base. The other stuff I can live with selling, though they were christmas presents so it kinda sucks. However I really dont want to part with the computer if I can help it.

Weve literally had it about 2 months, is brand new and expensive. It cost $1500 for the computer and 19 inch LCD monitor, and I then added a top of the line graphics card and another gig of memory for about another $300. If we sold it we would probably only get about $900-$1000 for it at most. It would suck to lose so much money, especially as I will just have to buy a new one when I return.

I can pretty much rule out taking it home with me on the plane. I think that both the base and the monitor are too big and too heavy for hand luggage..also i can only take one piece. And Ive seen the way they throw suitcases around so Im worried that no matter how much bubble wrap I put them in they will just arrive smashed at the other end.

Can anyone think of any solution other than to sell it? has anyone ever shipped a computer overseas? how much did it cost? Did it arrive safely?

We have no relatives close by, and we wont be coming back to the memphis area after school so its not like we can leave it with anyone, even if we did it would be a whole days driving just to come up and get it.