dingding

A "slight" development. Phonecall last night out of the blue asking if she can come round. I think we may have taken a step forward. Lets just say she was still there when I went to work this morning.

bump - any update?

Hmmm. She sounds a bit unstable ("...crying in the taxi and clung onto me crying on my shoulder.") and high maintenance. Run, buddy, run. She's using you.

I know its hard for me to explain and for people to be able to see as lets face it none of you have ever met her. I don't think she is high maintenance or unstable if Im honest. She is usually such a strong girl, but I also know she has this softer more sensitive side on the inside thaqt she doesn't like to show. It wasn't like she just started blubbing and threw herself at me. That night I could just tell she wasnt herself and something was on her mind. I asked her when we were alone and she said she was fine. I knew she wasnt and probed a little more. She said "actually I feel like crying", to which I told her "if you feel like crying then cry you havent got to hold it back infront of me" to which she did and then admitted she was really missing her son. I told her "come here" to which she shook her head and said "its ok im fine"..I replied "dont be silly come here", thats when she came to me for comfort. The other guys then came back from the restaurant we had stopped at, so she quickly tried to compose herself a bit and tried to dry up the tears. She didnt want them to know she was crying. She did reach over and give my hand a good squeeze. And sent me a text message when she got home saying "Thank you.xxx".

I really don't think she is "using" me or taking advantage. To be honest I just don't think she knows what she wants. She may have feelings and just not feel ready to commit to a relationship yet. I know her two year old is her priority, which I totally understand, she is such a great mother.

bump - any update?

No developments as such. We were out on saturday and sunday (four of us), we had a good night all in all. One of our mutual friends (her best friend) did comment that she is pretty sure she is backing off a bit because she is getting feelings but isnt sure what to do. I think the best thing for me to do is be there as a friend as we are and basically see how it goes. If I think the right time comes up to approach her about it then I will. I wont be seeing her much this week though, which could be a good thing actually.

I'm going to be blunt here so please don't be offended. It's for a good cause.

You've gotten yourself into a rut and you need to snap out of it. The good thing is that you're fully aware of it. Women aren't as inclined to be interested in men who have no motivation and, hence, no lives. And friends will quickly fall by the wayside, too. You need to get out and get involved in life. No finances? Go walking. Visit the library. Join a club. Need finances? Don't go out with your friends on Thursdays and weekends and see how much you have to do other things.

The biggest thing you need to remember is to not let things continue to slide. Take an interest in yourself because no one else will until you do.

Best wishes.

Thanks. Thing is noone knows that I feel like this. When Im around people and when Im out with friends I am always in a great mood, very popular, and often the "life and soul of the party" to use a cliche!

If my friends knew how I felt or saw me like this on my own they would be kinda shocked.

Its just getting used to entertaining my own self and getting used to spending time on my own.

I feel a fair bit better tonight i must admit. I think some of it is almost like a "coming down" effect if that makes sense. Like I had a really great weekend with my mates out and about, and then monday being alone again, was like...well as i said maybe like coming down of some kind of high. Not sure why I feel better tonight. Havent really done much. Watched Cops on TV (see as cheesy as it is thats a programme that actually holds my interest. And now im just lay in bed listening to the radio on my MP3 player. I guess It could be affected by a comedown from the alcohol, I know full well it can be a depressant, with going out so much over the weekend, and having been going out at pretty much every opportunity I guess I have been consuming a fair amount, so maybe that has something to do with it.

Anyways ive made an appointment to go check out one of the local gyms this weekend. Its $60 a month but I know that i will get my moneys worth.

I don't know if it would be feasible for you, but are there any subjects that you would enjoy taking college classes in for the sake of being involved in something? Like auditing classes, which is cheaper than actually taking the class. I don't know how it works over there though. It could be a class building a skill you already have, or a class about something you always wanted to know about but never got the chance to.

That sounds fun to me, but maybe I am weird. Even now I wish I could take classes about certain subjects, even though I already graduated college. But it would be classes that I just wanted to take for my own enjoyment.

That is something im looking into actually. If I can find a reasonably priced one locally that is something I may do.

Have you always needed to be around people to be happy? Some people are just wired differently.

Im not sure to be honest Jen, I think Ive always been around people really. Either that or because this is the longest Ive been single Im really just starting to notice it.

Jen

what she said above, along with getting a cat and world of warcraft. you'll never be bored again.

Level 70 Night Elf Hunter...been there done that lol, guess what...got bored

Thanks guys for your replies and support as ever. I think its a combination of alot of things. I spoke to the doctor a couple of months ago, they got me to fill out a questionaire and pretty much said that they didn't think that I was depressed (i actually went to see them about stress at that point, I was going through a hard time at work and had fallen out with a friend, and the stress of it all was making me feel extrememly aggresive and angry particularly at work...if any of you watch Scrubs, see Doctor Cox...thats exactly how I was at work ) but I changed roles and that all cleared up.

As far as the divorce and the ex situation goes. I feel that I have been totally healed on this front for a few months now. I dont think about my ex at all really, and we havent spoken for months, and neither do I really have the desire to.

I used to enjoy reading and writing. But lately I they just dont hold my interest. I almost feel like I need to be around people to be happy. Its like Im happy to sit and watch tv with certain people whose company I enjoy. I guess I have been through a transitional twelve months. Alot has changed again that I wasnt expectin. The divorce, the move back to England, living with parents again. Then I got over all that and things were good. I was much happier than I had been for a long time. Being back and going out with my mates again was great, there was something potentially going on romance wise (see past threads...thats another story, but I guess could be a factor), I moved house etc. It was all new, but I guess now as the months have passed this has all become mundane again. Im 30 and single and didnt expect to be. And you know I really dont like being alone, but really dont want to date or get into a relationship for the sake of it (not that the opportunities have really come up). I really am lonely as heck. I really dont seem to enjoy my own company. All my friends think the world of me, but whilst I in no way do I have low self esteem, I just seem to bore myself

Ive looked into voluntary work with people, but there really isnt anything around or they just want people to do charity collections etc. I really enjoy being there for people, but Im not very good at being there for myself it seems. If I could go back in time and choose my career again, I would choose working in a hospital I think..work long hours, always around people and doing something worthwhile.

Although im not quite sure what one entails, and im only 30, i sometimes wonder if I am going through some kind of midlife crisis

Just after your opinions. Im really not sure. Ive suffered from depression before a few years back, and this doesn't feel quite the same as that. Im not sure then whether its mild depression or just, not sure how to put this..that Im bored with my life. lonely and basically dont enjoy my own company

When im out with my mates etc Im fine, im outgoing and I always have a laugh and am in a good mood. However as soon as I am on my own I feel terrible, really low, un-motivated and to be honest I just want to go to bed early every night until its a day when im doing something with someone.

I know I am probably my own worst enemy, i keep telling myself to find new hobbies, go to the gym and make new friends etc, but whilst there are some genuine reasons this isnt always an option (moneys tight, dont have a car etc)i know lack of motivation is one of the key reasons I dont.

Ive got a good big circle of friends ive known for years, but most of them are settled down now and only go out once a week, and they dont "have people round to the house" as it were. I share a house with one of my friends, but when he is in he just wants to sit and watch TV, which if Im fair, with the exception of a handful of shows, i find it really hard to just sit and watch tv all night as I dont have the attention span to watch it for the sake of it.

Ive tried dating and chat sites which have come to nothing.

I feel like this pretty much every day that im not out or doing something with friends. We tend to go out on thursdays and weekends, so I almost feel like im wishing my life away until those days.

Im really not sure how I should tackle this, but Im not happy about it.

Does or has anyone else experienced a spell in their lives like this? What did you do about it?

Breathe into a paper bag for a couple of minutes always works for us.

So.. read your first post.. and read your second thread & I have one question.. You mentioned that she has a son.. Did she have a previous relationship that was particularly painful/destructive/or suffered abandonment ??. She sounds like she wants to let you in, but is afraid to or hesitant to.. I dunno.. You also mentioned she works in a bar... perhaps guys hit on her all the time and she is wondering what your "real" motive is? I dunno.. some inital thoughts.. I'm sure you've had before..

Thanks for her response. Her last relationship wasnt really a bad one. It just ran its course really. They split up just after her son was born two and a half years ago. They kinda stayed together for the kid, but it didnt work. We've had some real hear to hearts recently and she know my intentions are good. She commented that she had a true friend who actually likes her for who she is, who doesnt judge. And personally i think that could be part of the problem. Maybe she isnt used to being with guys who treat her well and think of her like that. Infact our mutual friend said she reckons that she maybe doesnt feel she deserves someone "good" whos actually nice to her. I think in the past she has beed out with some bad apples. And she has said herself I am the first man that she has been able to open up to, but maybe thats not what she wants. i mean im definately no angel, and im not "nicey nice" all the time, she just hasnt had cause to see any other side of me yet. I guess time will tell. I guess im happy enough if I am stuck firmly in the "friend zone".

I say in for a penny in for a pound.

Ask her out on a date just the two of you...see what she says.

What can you lose?

I could lose a really good friendship. I would rather have what weve got that nothing at all. So i guess that answers my question. Sit back, go with the flow. Be a mate and see what happens.

Ok, I haven't read your past posts so I have no idea what the history is.

So forgive me if I ask the obvious - are you married/engaged? I ask that because, well, this is VJ. Most of us are.

Hi Gupt. Im actually divorced. Ive been a member of VJ since my ex wife and I first became engaged. I liked the site and its members so Im still around a year since the divorce went through.

Hey all. Havent posted for a while but always lurk and read. Here for some more wise advice!

This actually kinda continues from and old post a few months back. There have been some developments.

http://www.visajourney.com/forums/index.ph...mp;#entry673999

OK so what has happened since? We carried on being friends, well kinda friends. Hello's goodbyes etc. She then fell out with me totally. Couldnt stand being around me. I hadn't done anything wrong. She apologised to me and admitted this, saying it was all her fault It wasnt really anything to do with me she was just taking something else out on me. From there we actually became more open. The awkwardness went away and we started hanging out and talking a little more. Over the past couple of months things have gotten even better. Were actually really good, pretty close friends. We had a few good chats and good nights out (although never just the two of us). She has said she thinks alot of me, that I am one of only two people she can open up to, that she really likes that I dont judge her etc. She has held my hand some times when weve been out. Has asked me to hug her to keep her warm when were in line for a bar. One particular night she kept getting me to feel her butt cos it was wet. Sometimes she is quite flirty. We'll touch each other when we talk. Last night she really missed her son (who spends the weekends with his dad) and she started crying in the taxi and clung onto me crying on my shoulder.

I think I really am going to have to wait and see what happens. I mean we literally are just friends now, but really good friends. People have commented that she seems to be warming to me and she has commented to a mutual friend that she hasnt ruled out something developing between us. Thing is I would rather have what we've got than nothing at all. I do sometimes admittedly get jealous when she sometimes flirts with other guys, I try not to be, and she has every right to do so as we ARE just friends. Ultimately yes I definately want more. But Im not sure Im prepared to risk scaring her off and losing her completely by making a move. It isnt purely a sexual thing. When we met and kissed that night I thought she was cute, but didnt know her at all. As ive gotten to know her I think she is gorgeous but I really do care about her a heck of a lot. We are going out to a theme park tomorrow again with two of our female friends. I guess I should just suck it up and be the friend she wants and see what happens and leave it to her. The big test will come if she starts seeing a guy though. That will take some strength, will be happy for her of course but will be tough. Any advice? Should I just go with the flow and see what happens and explore other options in the mean time? Should I try and test the water a little and ask her somewhere just us two, even if its just shopping or something? Im really, really torn between being so happy with what weve got considering how we started off and wanting more. Am I being greedy?

For me it would have to be Jase and The Wheeled Warriors, The Groovie Ghoulie Show and Transformers.

Haagen-Dazs Dulce de leche

Gotta agree that is the best ice-cream ever.

I never feared death until I married. Then it became a real fear. I used to get upset at the fact that one of us was going to die leaving the other one, and how we would handle it. My wife at the time insisted that we would both die together in bed asleep at the same time. I actually used to lie awake some nights thinking about it and getting incredibly sad. I would wake up my wife and tell her I need a big hug and to hold on to her for a while. Now following divorce I have no fear again.

Ours was "The Broken Road" by Rascal Flatts. Can't bring myself to listen to it now, thank god we don't have any country stations here!

Glad to hear you two are going to have a crack at it. When my ex wife and I hit our rocky patch (which later turned out to be another guy!) I was actually back in England for a couple of months and she was at a Military training school, which to be honest made it difficult at the time to work at things. I had regrets about not flying straight back to sort things out, though I have no regrets on that front now, but our situation may have been a little different. I so still sometimes have regrets that I didn't see the immigration process through. I loved it in the states and had come to consider it home, hand many friends etc. I haven't been back since and we are now divorced and the ex remarried (11 days after the divorce was final ). I wanted to try and figure things out and exhaust every possibility before calling it quits, however she didn't (basically lied about the situation and reasons). If both of you are up for trying to work things through than that is a very encouraging step. Work at things, get all the immigration things completed. Then further down the line if things don't work out, you have some more clear cut options as far as your own situation goes. But hopefully you will be happy together thinking, wow, look what we almost did, thank God we stuck through it.

All the best.

Thanks for that. I know I just have to try to forget it and move on. But I just wish I knew how to get her out of my head. Im confused about the feelings too, is it just a huge crush, is it frustration, or is it something stronger. Im mad at myself cos I really dont want or need to be feeling like this right now.

Who would have thought I would be on here droning on about a new girl already?

I guess Im just looking for some advice, or just a vent Im not sure. I haven't posted this to my myspace blog as some of my friends would just give me a ribbing about it, or it may get back to her. So any agony aunts out there...This could be long.

Basically I am getting very strong feelings...(not quite sure how to classify them just yet, cos its been a while) for a girl, but Im pretty sure its not going to go anywhere beyond friends, which is fair enough you know, but It is starting to get me down a little. Ok the feelings....I think about her all the time, ive dreamt about her, i get a sickly feeling in my stomach - which could just be the frustration, my heart speeds up when I see her and I have the strongest urge to hold her and kiss her. I want to talk to her all the time. I want to know everything about her. I want to hang out with her so much.

She works at the pub all my friends and I go to each thursday for beers and darts.

We actually almost got it together about two/three months ago. We were out in a pub in the city for a friends birthday. I'd always thought she was cute, but we had never really spoken before. One of my friends who also works at our local pub came up towards the end of the night and said "She really likes you...go talk to her, she is shy and afraid of being rejected". So I did, we had a chat and a few beers. We went back to the birthday boys house and we sat up til about 4:00am talking. Held hands in the taxi (aw shucks...) and kissed. I dropped her home in a cab and we kissed again. It was a really nice night and I looked forward to seeing her again. We exchanged a few texts, basically trying to figure out when we could see each other again. She told me that she would be off in a couple of weeks and would come play darts and have a drink with us, but that I better come to the pub this week. So I go along, and for the entire night she doesnt even make eye contact or really have anything to say to me, but then at the end of the night she kisses me on the way out. So the following week, she has the night off and comes to the pub. She is sat in there with her brother and again hardly says a word to me, you wouldn't think anything had ever happened between us. I start to pick up that she is really, really shy. However by the end of the night, after a few words with our mutual friend, she comes out her shell and we talk a little, she seems keen again. I walk her home, we kiss. Same again next week after her shift. However it then goes quiet, the not saying anything, the shyness comes back. We seem to have come to the end of the road. She unexpectedly has a night off again and turns up to hang out with us. But does not say a word to me for pretty much the whole night. Im talking to a girl who we know, just a friend. But im thinking about her all night and would rather be talking about her. All this time if I ever try to talk to her it is one word answers, no eye contact. The next day I get fed up and text her "disappointed we didnt get to talk tonight" to which she replies "To be fair you were talking to that Kelly" - "I say that she is just a friend, Im not interested in her Im interested in you, but If you are not interested anymore I will leave you alone if you want" - "I dont want you to leave me alone - I feel guilty not talking to you now" - I try to get us out on a few dates but she was always non commital and they didnt occur. I know she has a two year old so It could be difficult, and im sure he is her priority. It goes straight back to how it was. Pretty much ignoring me the whole time. On one particular night I try and be forward - she says lets just be mates. I say im disappointed but fair enough. I try and respect that and back off a bit, trying to keep it to hellos and goodbyes etc...but its hard.

By now I fancy her like mad, and rather than just thinking "move on" like I would most girls I can't. I want her more. I kinda know that she likes me and I worry that she is taking the easy way out, she really is one of the shyest people I have ever met. So anyway, i carry on with the just being polite and friendly, but its still frustrating cos friends are supposed to talk right, and I still want to get to know her as a friend. Whilst this has been going on she adds me to her MSN messenger, we talk a little every now and then online. She turned up at the bar on Xmas eve and she is looking stunning. Blows me away, I cant keep my eyes off her. I casually tell her when I walk past her, a simple "you look really nice", at the end of the night I give her a xmas hug and an xmas cheek kiss. She comes out on Boxing night (day after xmas in UK) - and doesnt really say a word again. We carry on talking a little more on MSN. I stopped after a while thinking, hang on i may be bugging her, but she would then message me. I think it is still going nowhere though. She comes out for my birthday drink in the city. Again she looks stunning. I sit with her and her/our friend talking to her all night. We get on, its a nice night. We actually talk a little more openly about things, and get a bit flirty again. Next night on MSN she says she had a really nice night. The next couple of thursday nights she is a bit more chatty.

Last night I was in the bar with our mutual friends and some of the staff, she is there. We play darts, we have a laugh, I flirt a little but am not really hitting on her. I complain to her that her great ####### is distracting me from my game. She seems to like it, I even get to pat it a couple of times...she is quite playful about it. she actually seems to have come out of her shell alot with me in the past few weeks. I have a week off work and I even go as far as asking her if she wants to do something as mates...or whatever, this week, she seems keen, though some things with her son may jeaopardize it. We get stopovers at the bar, we are there til 5:00am. There are just a half a dozen of us in there. She is at another table with a friend, I try not to talk to her too much, give ehr some space etc. She says she has to go in a bit, I ask her if I can leave with her, she says yes. Then one of the staff, being very drunk starts messing around , she does something to Rachel that upsets her and rightly so. She storms out angry and upset. Instinct kicks in and I chase after her. She shouts at me "You know what David just leave me alone". I say Ok and leave. She texts me shortly after and says "sorry didnt mean to shout at you earlier". I really like that text. I call her, she answers, i say I just wanted to check she is ok and apologise for the others. She says she is fine. Im suprised she answered. I go to bed fairly happy, albeit at 6:00am! I sent her a text this afternoon to see how she was, and say something along the lines of "sorry i chased after you like that, I just care, was instinct." I have had no reply. I dont think we will do anything this week.

Now today i am feeling really down. I just want to be around her, I want her really bad. I really want to talk to her but I dont want to call her or text her again as she didnt answer. I basically dont want to make her uncomfortable, I dont want to ruin us being friends. I want us to be friends but at the same time I want more. Im trying to back off etc, but its hard. I have these crazy feelings that I dont recognise, Im frustrated, and it is starting to get me down. I feel genuinely sad today. Im getting mad at myself for letting myself feel like this over a girl again, particularly as Im pretty certain its not gonna go anywhere. I can't get her out of my head and its driving me nuts. My mates tell me to just look for someone else, but right now Im just not interestedin dating someone for the sake of it. I dont know what to do. I dont think there is anything I can do. Ive been at the punch bag for three hours just trying to exercise out some of the frustration. If she comes online again tonight...do I say anything. Do I just forget it? What are these feelings, why am I feeling them about her! So frigging frustrated and sad, and confused etc right now. Rant over...any comments.

I remember a similar thing happening to me here in the UK a few years back. I was headed to a mates to watch a football game. I was walking along the main road, it was a sunday so not many people about but the road was busy. Yeah it was nothing like an interstate but still a main A road. There was a little girl who couldnt have been any older than 18 months walking along the gutter in just a diaper, cars flying past her without even stopping. well needless to say I grabbed her by the hand and lead her out of the road. I had no idea where she had come from and there was noone around, or no open doors. So I basically went and knocked on the nearest house door to ask if they knew who she belonged to. Its a sign of todays society I guess, but the people who openened the door (a couple in there late 50s early 60s I would say) didnt say a word and gave me the evilest scowl you could imagine and took her from my hand, basically as if to say "were you trying to snatch this kid or something", well it kinda p'd me off. But should we ignore children in danger nowadays just incase the situation gets misunderstood?

Ended up stuck at home last night, didnt even notice it go 12.00. Knocked up a myspace out of boredom, been planning one for a while, I know in my divorce updates I kept threatening to do one! Anyways I wont be mentioning the divorce or my ex in it much. I want it to be a positive looking forward blog!

anyways address is http://www.myspace.com/dk1977

If you have a myspace, im mighty short of friends at the mo!

I dont think you will have any problems, just a case of playing the wating game. Just try and talk over the phone as much as possible and re-assure each other. Tell each other how much you miss each other and talk about things you want to do together.

Wow just wanted to say I am really touched by all your supportive comments and best wishes.

I haven't done much writing . I planned to, but ive been going out with my friends a fair amount and also to be honest Ive not found myself in the best frame of mind to concentrate for long enough to write, or be creative. I attempted to start a blogg, but shut it down after a couple of entries. Not quite sure why but I kinda questioned why I was writing the blogg. I think i wanted it as an output but then part of me really started thinking, do I really want to tell people everything, and I just didnt know what to write, and to be honest there wasnt much exciting going on in my life. I may start another one though with the start of the new year now my outlook on things is adjusting slightly.

The date didnt actually get to happen in the end. Though I still really really like the girl, perhaps against my better judgement. She is a really, really shy girl. Honestly the shyest person I have met, particularly when it comes to someone she likes. We kinda hooked up the one night, kissed, seemed to like each other. She works at the pub my friends and I got to, and is a good friend of one of our friends who also works there. We go there every thursday, have a few drinks together and play darts. I asked her if she was working the next thursday, she said she was but that I better be going. I got there and she hardly said a word to me or even made eye contact with me the entire night, yet she kissed me on the way out. Then the next time I was there, she didnt say a word at all. If she had to serve me in the bar as soon as she did she would fly straight back into the lounge as soon as she had served me. I spoke to one our mutual friend saying, look i really like her but I cant be doing with this. I think they had a chat and she came back to me then, and let me walk her home. So here I am thinking we will get it together, next time I see her, again nothing, no reaction, and it pretty much stayed like that. She hadnt said a word to me, so I decided to give in. I was in the bar the next week and she was off again and came with us. She didnt say a word.... now this other girl we know was in there and she was talking to me. I wanted to be talking to shy girl, but she just wasnt receptive. Now the next day I saw her online and I commented "i was disappointed I didnt get to talk to you last night" to which she replied "well to be fair you were talking to THAT kelly", i replied that we were just talking and I wanted to be talking to you and she followed with "well i admit I was jealous of you talking to her, and that she felt guilty for not talking to you", at some point during the conversation I said "if you arent interested anymore I will leave you alone" to which she replied "I dont want you to leave me alone".

So I think...we may be back on again...it is just the shyness. Well what do yo know the next time I see her again she has nothing to say to me. I would say hello etc, would ask her questions and get a one word answer. A couple of weeks ago after getting a bit disheartened by this I came out straight and said, "I really like you but I dont think we are going anywhere are we" to which she said in the end "I just wanna be mates". Now obviously Im disappointed, but I respect that and do want to be friends, but we still hardly speak. She was out xmas eve with her mom and her brother and she looked stunning. I had stopped hitting on her by this point, but I did tell her that she looked really pretty, she didnt say much but again gave me a christmas hug (that she seemed to get into) and i kissed her cheek. The next night she was out and again hardly said a word. This behaviour has pretty much repeated itself!! Now if I was being sensible, or if this had been any other girl I would just be like "screw this, i cant handle this, forget it" but with her, im not sure why but it hasnt put me off. Maybe it is the shyness etc that I see as a challenge. But I really, really like her. I dont really want to give up but Ive been left with no choice really. Im going to back off, say hi when i see her and talk if we get the chance. Im going to look for opportunities to pay her a compliment. You see if you asked me for my honest opinion. I think she does really like me (she came after me first), I think she does want to take it further, but I think she is that shy that she is just taking the easy option. We will see how it goes, Im not closing any doors, but I dont think there is much else I can do!!

OK, another quick, update that kind of shocked me but I find utterly hilarious.

So we have been separated 7 months, the divorce became final about two weeks ago.

My ex wife told me orignally that she "wasnt ready to be married, needed to be able to prove she can function on her own etc"

Do you know where this is going???.....

well I found out today that my ex is MARRIED already!!!

Well some people have said to me "that must really hurt" but to be honest it doesnt. You know I cant bring myself to say bad things about her, and I hope she is really happy and they are married for ever but....BOY THAT WAS QUICK!!!...she has only known him 7 months maximum, have only lived together for a month...she has just come out of a marriage that didnt work and was I guess kinda rushed into a little....did she not learn????????????

I spent the past several months wondering what the hell was wrong with me, where i had gone wrong, what were my failings etc. I think Im starting to feel, following all the lies etc, that maybe she isnt the person I thought she was. Until a couple of months ago I was so concerned about losing her as a friend as well as a partner etc. But to be totally honest with you, I couldnt right now give a flying %%%% if I never heard from her again. I feel like she tried to make a fool out of me, and I feel totally and utterly let down and so disappointed. Maybe Im wrong too, after all now, we are divorced, and its her business, but I dont know.