GiGii

Natalie,
I couldn't agree with your post any more, its almost exactly what I have nearly 3yrs into it.
Its a constant battle to keep proving that there are simply just ways that stuff is done in the US, without having to compare exactly everything to how it was back home. The job thing is a joke! He expected to arrive and be a VP of everything... without any experience in the field, and have a salary of minimum say $75K. Having to work an "immigrants job" in the beginning for $8.75 an hour was a rude awakening. He would compare his life here, to back home, and complain every single day I tried to comfort and remind him of all the benefits he has here, that he didnt at home. He's a little different than your husband, cause mine would trade the US for home anyday... he keeps remining me that he's only in the US cause he loves me, and knows I wont live in the motherland.
I handle all our finances, because he would keep all the cash under the mattress, and spend most of it on a weekend out. He doesn't seem to mind this, until I remind him "we cant spend more than we earn honey." As for spending, given he had no credit back home, I wonder how he afforded all the brand name clothes. If its not diesel or hugo boss, he doesnt want to wear it. (and no, he didnt wear knock-offs, he had no problem forking over $250 for a pair of jeans).
I'm a mix between old fashioned & modern, as I would like for him to have more of the "man" role, but it seems I keep being left to handle all the responsibilities. As for the modern idea, I expect 50/50 in terms of housework and helping, which he does without any problems.
He used to be the center of his social circle, and cant live down the fact that it isnt so here. He's blunt... but learning the effects of that, based on people's negative reactions to what he says honestly. I cant understand why he needs to know how much everyone makes. Still he'll bluntly ask friends "how much do you make monthly" and compare that to the position/pay back home. No matter how many times I tell him we dont do that here, he keeps on
As for cultural differences... I just had both inlaws for 3 weeks here, and nearly ripped out all my hair. I got explanations from the FIL on almost every single difference he's noticed between life in the US & home... each being at least 45 min. Now he's a very dominant male, bread winner for the family, as you can imagine, I had a hard time telling him he's wrong on this American ideology.

I second the idea for going to couple counseling. If you dont do anything about this, he will get worse and think its ok to treat you this way.
Personally, if he raised his voice at me, I'd tell him I will not accept it. I am a human being that deserves respect, don't treat me like a dog. If he continues, walk away from the situation. If you have a fight that late, I'd tell you to have a close friend at whom's you can spend the night. He'll realize his wrong when he sees your hurt reaction.
Seems you are a nice girl, dont let your patience & quietness be his advantage. Speak up.
Words such as 'I'll throw you out, you'll be going back home" are unexcusable, especially when you gave up your home, your family changed your whole life to be with this person.
In addition to the couple counseling, he should do some anger management... but maybe the couple's therapist can see & recommend this to him.
Do you know how he treated his mother, sisters? Usually, this is a good inclination to how he will treat other woman close to him.

The article almost states "if your spouse is cheating within 2 years of marriage, it was fraud". Yes, yes, fraud does exist. But honestly, how many couples get divorced within 2 years. I'd say a good amount of the total divorce rate. If it wasnt meant to be, then it wasn't. Some fail to see that any immigrant marriage desovles just because. They seem to always blame fraud.

Let me share something with you, this is the land of the free, and no one will do something they don't want to. This country is founded on immigrants. Unless you are a true blood Indian, you too are somehow in line with a generation of immigrants. I believe assimilation is the biggest load of ####### I've ever heard of. Everyone is free to act, speak and live the way they feel they like to. If they want to "americanize" that's fine, if they want to remain in-tact with their culture, more power to them. This is a salad bowl of nationalities, and its ignorant people like you who tick me off, who come on a immigration board to talk smack, when he himself ran from the problems he couldn't solve in the US, to China!
You talk about "your dreams" and "your kids", those are "YOUR" problems, dont blame anyone else for your shortcomings.
I don't believe your relationship is low risk, none is. Your wife wanted to run like hell the day before marriage. Perhaps you were forcing some assimilation on her she just didn't want. What does finding a Chinese lady and staying in China for 3 years have to do with respect for your kids? It seems more like you didn't trust her.
Perhaps mr. shooter, you have some trust issues. Maybe they are trust issues with immigrants, because they've done you wrong in the past. Maybe they were smarter than you, quicker & out-did you somewhere through your life. Now you come here, with snake eyes and all that mumbo jumbo spewing your negativity. Maybe go have some chow-mein and call it a day. Ooops, better only eat an american hot dog.