Lois

My fiance has been hurt from a fall at work. His spine is "on the mend" and he has just gotten over meningitis. What does the medical exam entail?

lmnop123,

I am very sorry that this had to happen. I dont know why people on this board can not be more supportive to others reaching out during thier own journey.

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

There are plenty of people on VJ who will give you good advice and help you along the way. I hope that you dont really leave, VJ is a good resource to help with your journey.

Please just ignore those that will try to twist things around on you and get in your head.

I hope to see you around.

P

I don't know if it is something in what I wrote or what but I am not desperate to be with E or any man for that matter. I am also not willing to be with any man at all costs. I think I have made myself clear by saying that I am willing to try to be with E but that I am not going to throw myself under a bus to make it happen. I feel as though we have a special connection and I am willing to pursue it. People lie all the time when meeting someone in person or online (i.e. married/single, gay/straight, rich/poor, looking for a relationship/just want sex) to get what they want but I guess those people aren't scammers just liars. If it were financially and time wise feasible to date him I would explore that option but I have no interest in having a transatlantic long distance, emailing, instant messaging relationship for a year to try and avoid the same thing that could happen now if that is his motive. I am going there to meet someone I find special, see how it goes, come home, give it a reasonable timeframe to come together and begin our lives together or decide to let it go.

E knows that I ain't dealing with no non-working man. I have told him so I don't need to explain on that one. I don't care if his candy stick is dipped in gold. I have never been hooked on sex to that degree and even though I like sex I don't like it to the degree that it would cause me to loose my mind. Everyone is not hung up on sex in their life. Sex is in the top 5 things I enjoy doing but it is not at the top. Believe me I was perfectly content living my life as I pleased and getting the occasional something something when I felt the need to hook up. If E is under the impression that he is going to come here, sex me then live off me for free he got another thing coming because that will never happen. I will personally drop his a** off in front of the Embassy with a return ticket home to Nigeria. I have and never will be under any man's spell to make me accept supporting him and in E's case the support will end when he gets authorization to work.

We talk all the time about the difficulties of American life. I discuss these things with him to give him a realistic view of what life is like here. Hard, long working hours, with little time for the things that you enjoy. I have told him many of the things I have written (he's not surprised at all) and received from the forum. We discuss the commentary given for this post and we use it to help our situation. Yes, we both get a little down and discouraged when I talk to him about the posts but we end with building each other up. We have decided that we ARE moving forward and seeing where the road takes us. Whether that is together forever or him at the doorstep of the Embassy with a return ticket home time will tell. I also told E about the "Does Your SO Miss Home" thread to get an inside view of the feelings of those that have immigrated to this country. I also told him about the being black in america series (I saw a week long program like it last year) and I am trying to find a way for him to view it.

I am not an overly religious person but the one thing E and I have in common is dream interpretation. After he came clean about his identity, we both have dreams a minimum of once per week that progress in the same direction that our relationship is progressing. When one of us has a dream we share our dream and interpret it together. In the beginning the dreams gave us separate choices but as we get to know each other better our dreams depict symbols of us having the choice to build a life together. Whether the dreams will come to fruition only time will tell but with each dream our relationship gets stronger because we know we are closer in agreement to being together as 1. With each dream we become more and more confident that this visa journey will go smoothly for us because no matter how you crack it we know that the possibility is there for us to be together in the very near future. I know that everyone reading this will not understand this paragraph, many will think it is bologna, but it doesn't matter because I have always used my dreams for information and guidance and I have yet to be led down the wrong path. Do I believe that E is heaven sent? No, not necessarily but after I found out "our truth" I prayed and asked God to help me make the right decision in regard to E and I believe that I am receiving weekly confirmation that I am where I am suppose to be at this moment.

Again, I am not here to defend my decision to pursue a relationship with E. That was not the subject of the post. In my very first post, I asked for advice on helping us choose the right route to be together because we have already moved pass the "scam" issue.

We are looking forward not backward. I couldn't have said it any better lmnop...!!!!

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois,

Mama, ur killing me here. As I keep reading your posts, I'm getting more and more worried. When you said that "I would be worried if I was in the hopital with no insurance too".......are your referring to your SO? Did he tell you this? Mami this is classic....from the books of scamming 101. I pray I'm wrong. What hopital is he in? What part of Nigeria is he from? I have contacts in a hopital in Lagos. And when you say that you are the one who asked his sister if there's anything you could do....of course you did. It's probably your compassionate nature and that may or may not make you an easy target. Look, I have never before responded to a post by saying that I think the person is being 'played'....but I couldn't sleep tonight knowing I didn't say something to you. I really hope that I am totally off-base. But please believe that I say all this with only good intentions. Please do your homework and if there's anything I can do to help, please let me know.

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

I forgot something. I was the one who asked his sister if I could "help". I think that that was also important.oops....Lois

Lois, I PMed you

I'm not too savvy on the computer, but I know what IM means. PM is what? Now I really appear dumb.

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

Lois,

I don't consider myself a suspicious person by nature and I didn't condemn my husband just because he is Nigerian. On the other hand, I keep myself well informed and I walk with my eyes wide open. When I read your first post, I was kinda confused because it sounded like you knew your SO had a primary motive, yet you were ok with that. You also mentioned that you were white/blonde/etc....getting together with a 'Nigerian'. I'm not sure what you meant by that....but it rubbed me the wrong way. I wish you had elaborated more on what that was supposed to mean. Anyhow.....when I just read your second post......I'm really concerned with what you said about your SO having spinal menigits and 'only having his sister left'. My husband comes from a family of 10 siblings. With that comes many cousins, neices, nephews, etc. Almost every Nigerian family is like this. For someone to say that they only have a single sister left, is very hard to believe and I feel like that, along with the illness...he could be setting a stage for a performance yet to come. I almost hate myself for saying this to you because I hate to think negatively about ones intentions. I also could be dead wrong, and I pray that I am. Just please be careful and make sure you know this man very well before you travel to his country alone.

I guess that I am not giving all of the information needed....sorry. He does have a cousin, a father who has three wives (for which he doesn't see). Two step brothers.........but the same there. If I can get that phone number, it would help me further. When I said about being blonde....etc., I meant it to be "out of the ordinary". I wouldn't have feelings for him had I felt differently. Oh yeah, and a sister who is getting married the end of August. He lost his mother this past December. I hadn't spoken to him on the phone when this happened, but I have never heard him cry before. I would be worried too if I were in a hsopital with no insurance coverage. Like I said, I've known him for 14 months and man.....he should be on tv if he were acting. In any event, I intend to cover all of my bases before I do anything...whew....again, sorry for blonde thing.Lois

One thing I will say to you Lois is if you have a doubt in your mind and do not trust this man then do not go. Why do I say this? One of the things a relationship is supposed to be built on is trust. If we get into a relationship with someone we do not fully trust then we are cheating ourselves but also cheating the other person out of a solid relationship and in turn you will be bringing them on board a sinking ship. If you do not trust him then be fair enough to let him know how you feel and let him decide for himself if he wants to continue on in a relationship where there may be alot of tests and turmoil becuase when you do not trust your lover you inevitably end up testing them and trying them and for the other person it can be quite painful and upsetting. There is nothing more aggrivating and more emotionally draining than an insecure lover. I can testify to this becuase I have been on both ends in my lifetime.If you really love this man and you think he loves you then give it a fighting chance. Dont throw the race before you have even left the gate.In a family book that I read once it said " you cannot build a house on a foundation of sand becuase eventually it will give way. Love is the same. Start with a strong foundation and you will whether any storm but start with a weak one and any small rain will cuase it to sink. Enjoy your trip, its a beautiful country!

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Hi everyone. I am so sorry if I sounded a bit confused, but I just seem to have come across many women who are much older than their man in Nigeria. Right now he has spinal menigitis and needs my help. I cannot change my plans due to commitments and jobs. I DO trust him, but I guess it is just my past experiences that have made me so cautious. I have been alone for ten years by choice, but as you can see, I'm taking it slower this time. I'm worried sick about him as he only has his sister left. Anyway, I still plan on going in December (God willing) ALONE. That scares me in itself, but I have read and learned many good things about the men there from you guys. How do I get these K1 papers for us to fill out? I think that things "will happen" when we meet. (an engagement). lol That was a good point to bring them with me. Should I get all my phone records now too? Thanks again...Lois

K1............. ROCKS

Hello "confused". I kind of am in the same situation, but I've "known" "j" for 14 months. I have my tickets to go on Dec. 25 thru Jan 4. I will be flying into Lagos and then onto Benin City. I know someone via email that just got back from Lagos and got married there. Actually last week. I am from the U.S. and so is she, but shouldn't it be best that we bring them over via a fiance visa? I don't really know. I am a white, blonde haired, blue eyed american meeting a "nigerian". lol They seem to follow the same pattern, don't they? I am quite older than him, but I think that their primary concern is that they have a better life than the one that they have now. I'm sure that love is there, but somewhat secondary. Do I sound confused also? Stay in touch....Lois

Adding......I gather you will submit the petition as soon as you arrive back in the states. I also suggest you take all the forms that require his signature, so he can sign them before you leave. Are you sure you could not possibly stretch it at least another week or at least another couple of days? Hope your countdown until your visit moves quickly for the both of you!!!!!!!

What kind of papers should I bring with me.....and where can I get them? Unfortunately that is the only time I have from work. As it is I will be taking two personal days also...thanks so much for you help...Lois

Adding......I gather you will submit the petition as soon as you arrive back in the states. I also suggest you take all the forms that require his signature, so he can sign them before you leave. Are you sure you could not possibly stretch it at least another week or at least another couple of days? Hope your countdown until your visit moves quickly for the both of you!!!!!!!

Greetings my beloved brothers and sisters. My mother inlaw will be joining us here in August, by His grace. I don't know if there are still any direct flights out of Lagos to New York JFK? Thanks and God bless everyone.

It is correct that the only direct flights are out of georgia. I happen to be flying to Lagos in december, from JFK via amsterdam and visa versa.