kevinj

Hi all,

I'm looking into divorcing my spouse and wondering if anyone has done this recently in OR or WA. It would be a simple divorce (no children, no property, and no disagreements about anything).

If I understand correctly:

* She's lived in OR for more than 6 months, so we could file there (Multnomah county, Portland)

* I've lived in WA for a couple months, so we could also file there (King county, Seattle) (only residency on day of filing is required, I think)

My questions :

* Both states seem to have a 90 day waiting period after filing; can this be avoided in any way? There is no urgent reason, just that I like to get things done once I've set my mind to it; and especially unpleasant things shouldn't be drawn out longer than necessary ...

* How much is it actually going to cost? I seem to find different prices online ; I've seen $280 for King county. For Multnomah county, I've seen on the one hand people saying it cost them about $200; on the other hand, numbers of $405 filing fee and then $266 for the 'response' (which, if I understand correctly, is entirely optional and could be skipped in our case?).

Anyway, I've been browsing web pages and getting trapped on lawyers' webpages for two hours now and getting frustrated ... Has anyone here done an "easy" divorce in either place recently?

Thanks so much,

Kevin

I have gone through a situation similar to yours about 2 years ago.

USCIS issued new memos and adopted new policies about treatment of ROC for separated spouses since then.

However, I have not seen a single case back then or recently, where a separated (and not abused) ROC filer was approved. It seems crazy that USCIS would push for divorce, but... it is what it is.

IMPORTANT UPDATE - IF YOU ARE IN A SIMILAR SITUATION, PLEASE READ CAREFULLY.

(The very first post of the thread plus this post tell you all you need to know)

So I followed through and consulted a specialized immigration lawyer (Teresa Statler in Portland OR - has done nothing but immigration cases for about 20 years). A consultation costs $200.

Her advice after reading my RFE letter :

"Hmmm, we see letters like these sometimes. Was your evidence perhaps not attached very securely to the I751 form? [it was not.] My guess - and I'm almost sure - is that they simply lost all of your evidence, and the person who's now looking at your file couldn't find anything. We simply need to resubmit your evidence."

She also advised me very strongly NOT TO DIVORCE at this point, but to remain married for the rest of the procedure. She then looked over my copy of my submission (i.e. everything that USCIS apparently had lost) and thought it looked quite good. She told me to reorder some of it so it matched the list of types of evidence in the USCIS letter (or the I751 instructions) more closely, and to go through it with a highlighter and mark our two names (my wife and I) on each document to make the life of the USCIS officer easier.

So, on the one hand, I paid $200 for someone to tell me how to use a highlighter. On the other hand, I felt incredibly relieved, and I got advice that, for all the good intentions and truly much appreciated concern on this forum (thank you so much for taking the time to try and help me), was perpendicular to what nearly everyone here was telling me to do.

So I made new copies of everything, edited my cover letter to match the reordering of the pieces of evidence and delete a couple pieces that in the end didn't seem so crucial, and sent it back in around 7-25-11. My lawyer had told me to surely expect an interview. She also seemed fairly confident in the strength of my case.

Around 8-25 I got an e-mail notice indicating a change of status for my ROC case; it sounded cryptic but not in a bad way. A few days later I got a notice in the mail saying that I had been APPROVED and on 8-27 I received my beautiful, shiny, 10-year GREEN CARD in the mail !!! No interview, no nothing!

The take-home message here is that:

1/// USCIS cares less about the formalities (are you legally married or not?) and more about the heart of the case (love marriage or fake marriage?) than many here have said. There was no complot to "get me".

2/// If your case really is unusual, go to a pro for advice.

Again, I basically made a new copy of my case and sent it in again; and 30 days later I was holding my green card.

Whew!

~ Kevin

Check my previous posts for documents that I have posted when people with similar cases asked question, and after reading you can make your own conclusions, not following what good intentioned but sometimes misinformed people tell you.

After a quick read of the 3 memos you posted, it sounds like I'm in a grey zone here. I'll read them more carefully over the weekend. Thanks for sharing.

Hmmm, I think your case is rare but included in one of the USCIS memos I have posted before.You did the right think in filing jointly if you haven't filed for divorce yet.

They have also taken the expected route in these cases, that is sending for an RFE and asking for additional proof of a bonafide marriage if any.

A good lawyer would be a plus but a bad one can be worse than nothing, when I was calling lawyers for my case I found several that were terrible so be careful.

Check my previous posts for documents that I have posted when people with similar cases asked question, and after reading you can make your own conclusions, not following what good intentioned but sometimes misinformed people tell you.

Take care.

Thanks for writing this - I was beginning to think I'd gone crazy, from all the responses I'd gotten so far . I had indeed gathered from a previous legal consultation that there is no choice to file jointly or separately - it is a formal consequence of whether one is still married or already divorced. The essential aspect of the application is, in both cases, to establish bona fide marriage. These considerations led me to file the case as I did - which may still have been a big mistake .

I've made an appointment with a lawyer for next Friday, the 15th, and I'll update here after that conversation. She's done nothing but immigration cases since 1994, and I think she has ample experience also outside the realm of "perfect cases". I'm hoping her advice will be valuable ; I'm currently inclined to just hire her on for the whole case (though she's probably not cheap). A short phone conversation with her indicated that things are likely not as black-and-white as everybody here has suggested. I will bring her a copy of my full application and we'll go through that to determine which course of action is necessary. If it takes a divorce, then that's what I'll do. But I'm not taking any decisions until then.

thanks,

Kevin

I think whoever issued that RFE have read your file and knows exactly what's going on. But of course, all you get is a canned response.

You can file for divorce in either her state or yours. You have to get divorced if you want to get your ROC approved (and you do not want to accuse your spouse of abuse).

Check what grounds are allowed for divorce in the state where you live. Since you two were separated for a long time, chances are that you will be able to get an amicable divorce on no-fault grounds/irreconcilable differences within weeks. If there is no children involved and you agree on how to split the property, then you don't need a lawyer for this, you can prepare all the paperwork and do divorce yourself. The downside - each of you will have to get their own medical insurance from the date of divorce.

As far as RFE goes, you must reply to USCIS by the date they have given you, and I suggest you write a letter of explanation and ask them to replace your old petition with a waiver petition (include a new, waiver petition). USCIS will issue a new RFE asking for divorce papers, but you will have some time to obtain them.

Thanks for your response. I'm guessing a divorce will have to happen either very soon or at some point. I would like it to be fast and painless as you indicate. It's all stressful enough as it is!

Rika wrote: As far as RFE goes, you must reply to USCIS by the date they have given you, and I suggest you write a letter of explanation and ask them to replace your old petition with a waiver petition (include a new, waiver petition). USCIS will issue a new RFE asking for divorce papers, but you will have some time to obtain them.

This is excellent advice for the immediate course action. You need to respond to the RFE before the deadline date. Do this as Rika suggests - with a letter of explanation and a new I-751 petition with the waiver option selected (at the bottom of the form). Ask to have the on form already on file replaced with this form instead. It will generate another RFE, this time for the divorce document, but hopefully you will have it by then. If you have initiated divorce proceedings already (by the time you send off the replacement form for the RFE), then you can state you are still waiting for the divorce decree. It will depend on how long everything takes at both ends - USCIS and yours.

Good luck.

Thanks for your advice. I will definitely reply before the due date (1 month from now). It is clearly stated in the letter that they will consider the case abandoned if I do not. I will consult a lawyer before writing my response or initiating divorce.

thanks,

Kevin

You will need to produce a divorce decree very quickly, or they will deny your R.O.C. petition.

I wonder how fast that can be done? I'm confident she will cooperate 100%, but from the way people talk about divorce, I've always had the impression it takes months to get it done?

... This should show to you that they're interested in you being TOGETHER not just married for immigration purposes (which you actually admitted that it was more convenient for ROC) and while I'm sure it WAS a good faith marriage, you filed openly stating that you weren't together in the marriage but she's "helping you" get a GC.

Well, that's not how I see things at all. Call me overly emotional if you wish, but the main reason I haven't initiated divorce yet is that it still hurts so much to think about it.

Of course, if the people at uscis are as some here have suggested, then they probably will take it the worst way possible.

You would be better of filing for divorce, and re-filing as divorced. You can file while in the process of divorce, you will be RFE'd for the divorce decree and if you don't have it in time you will go before an immigration judge who will give you more time to get it.

Sounds like that's the most likely strategy then. I'll see a lawyer as soon as possible.

They're hoping you'll dig your own grave. There IS no way for you to reply successfully because you've already admitted you're not together as a couple.

You need to re-file basically... it's your only way of not being denied and deported.

This is so far the only attempt on this thread to explain uscis' communication (as opposed to sending me a more informative letter and telling me what you people are all telling me!) and it's a pretty sad one ...

As if it's not bad enough that I've lived here for six years and still I need to justify my existence. And now all this mess ... which is all about form, not function (doesn't change what happened between people). No use complaining about it, of course.

You have put yourself in limbo as far as the ROC is concerned. Now you have to work your way out of it.

Perhaps a consultation with an immigration attorney would help you to gain clarity here.

OK, that point is taken. I will see a lawyer as soon as I can. Sounds like things are bad enough that I should have one in any case.

One of the sticky bits to successfully receive a 10 year green card, based on yer prior green card type and reason for issuance, is that you two must be domiciled at the same address.

Yer not, you sent in 2 addresses (one on you, one on her) so it hoisted a red flag at USCIS.

Hi Darnell,

thanks for your reply. I understand that we are not doing what the GC is meant for (a successful marriage). I understand that we set off red flags. However the situation is explained in my ROC application. I have not at all pretended that we're still a functional couple. They already have the answer to their question! I have no idea what else they want to know.

Any ideas?

Thanks,

Kevin

You are not together - you should divorce and file a waiver for joint filing of ROC.

Thanks for responding so quickly. However, I'm not sure what you advise - surely it is much too late to do this?

We initially didn't want to divorce because it's emotionally hard; there was, at least for a while, some hope that perhaps things would be okay again sometime. Then the date for ROC approached, and there was no longer time to finish divorce proceedings before filing ROC - and as long as you're not divorced, both partners need to be on the ROC application.

Are you suggesting to divorce now (in the middle of the procedure) and file for ROC again? Thanks for your time.

Kevin

Hi all,

I'm turning to the VJ crowd once more for good advice. Here's my situation :

* got K1-visa, got married to a US girl (12-08), obtained conditional green card (4-09)

* relationship ended soon after (9-09). We haven't lived together since, but remain married and filed jointly to remove conditions (4-11). We are still good friends but have not been romantic in any way for almost 2 years now.

I now received a Request for Evidence. I don't know what to make of it and am feeling quite stressed out. My questions:

* What does this letter mean??

* Is this where I should really hire a lawyer? (which I can't really afford, though I probably make too much to qualify for low-income anything)

The letter :

<<<<<

" Please submit the following evidence using the attached form [ ...]

The Conditions Relative (my name) indicate his address is (my address). The spouse indicate (her address). Please explain, and submit evidence to support your claim.

IDENTITY DOCUMENT : Submit legible copies of ...

EVIDENCE OF GOOD FAITH MARRIAGE: To establish eligibility [...], additional documentation be submitted to establish a good faith marriage that covers the period of time from the date of the marriage to the present date. Such examples may include ... [followed by a long list that will be familiar to everyone here]

>>>>>

Now, the thing is, in the statements she and I included in our application, plus a cover letter, it is made very clear that we have long ceased to have a functional marriage, and that we have long lived apart. So I am surprised by this question. Apart from including our addresses, the whole thing is completely non-specific to our case, and makes me wonder if "they" actually even read our application?

Of course, I included pretty much any evidence I could think of in my original application. There's not much more I could send now. This makes me rather worried.

What are your ideas?

Thanks very much,

Kevin

PS My "evidence" of good faith marriage include

- statement by me, her, relatives (including the sponsor), and a friend or two ; all supporting that it was a "love marriage"

- lease signed by both of us for 1 year, some utility bills, homeowner's insurance for the same period

- 3 years of romantic relationship preceding marriage ; expensive rings ; she followed a summer course to learn my (entirely useless) native language

- some photos of us together on road trip, at home, and tending garden together during our short married relationship

- statements from people leading support groups I participated in during/after relationship (couldn't afford a counselor)

- signs of continuing trust and friendship : she's on my health and life insurance, on the title of my vehicle; we have access to each other's bank accounts and filed for taxes jointly; share a phone plan and a car-share membership; statement from housemate that she lived at my house for a month in 02-11 when she couldn't find her own place

(- maybe forgetting a thing or two - I don't have the application here right now)

I don't think you need the green card for an ID.

I lost my wallet a while back, including ID, green card, and so on. Only thing I had left was my passport, which for some bizarre reason they the Oregon DMV didn't accept. I also had the EAD card which I applied for when I applied for the green card, and surprisingly, they did accept that! The good thing is, your EAD card usually arrives in the mail a month before your GC. I now have an incorrect middle initial on my DL which is also on my EAD, but not on my GC or passport ...

In Washington I got a DL on a student visa. I did have a SSN.

Thanks to everyone for your responses! It's been helpful!

Meanwhile, my experience has indeed been that no-one wants to give me any money.

I tried credit unions (which are said to be nicer than the evil big banks) - nope.

I tried citibank (Have had a credit card, which I still use, with their Belgian branch for 10 years) - nope, "abroad" doesn't count, it's just some mythical place on the dark side of the moon.

I tried to apply for a credit card together with my spouse. They wouldn't do it; since I'm a foreigner, I can't apply jointly with a citizen ; would have to have her get the card first, and then add me. F*** them. (This was at Chase.)

So I've bought the motorcycle I wanted in cash. Too bad, I would've liked to use the opportunity to start some credit, but there was no way.

Guess I'll do the $500 secured card next month. (Spent all my cash on the bike this month .)

Thanks for offering advice or ranting with me a bit! We've got to help each other stay sane, eh

Guess my impression is based off what I read on the news. Shootings, robberies, murders, etc. Probably no more than what you'd see in any other US city I suppose... but I'm just happy to live close to Portland without having to live in Oregon

I see that you live in SW WA, so probably in a more rural area that would indeed be a lot safer than any city? Lucky you, there's so many beautiful places out there that would totally be worth living in.

Then again, I think Vancouver WA would be a little too calm and quiet for the OP ;-)

take care,

Kevin

Hi Kaffy & Flothera,

I've only lived here for less than 2 years so my opinion may not be the best ... But I do ride my bike and walk all over town including late at night. I've lived in North Portland, which many people here think is badass ... I'm not sure why. Maybe because much of Portland's small ... (gasp!) black population lives there?? I understand it was a bit rougher fifteen years ago, but Portland is so popular (more and more people move here each year although the economy can't keep up with them) that all of the "center" (we're talking many, many square miles here) has become somewhat gentrified and every neighborhood has been improved and looks fairly decent. Maybe you can still find scary stuff out in the suburbs and "satellite towns"; being European, I can't stand American suburbs, so I don't go there.

My only personal experience with crime is that my bicycle was stolen one night. (Fortunately, I got it back. That's a whole story in itself.)

We do have a pretty large population of bums. (The PC word is "transients", these days. Which is a strangely inaccurate term, as most don't seem to be going anywhere.) I've never heard of anyone having real problems with them, but it could make someone uneasy to walk by a group of them when they've set up camp for the night or so.

If you are a musical omnivore (like different styles) and if you like live shows, you will have no problem filling your agenda here.

Many of the festivals are held outside the city in beautiful locations.

Oh, and here's to your original post : Americans LOVE foreigners. You will not get any of the rubbish that Californians might get for crowding the unspoilt PNW (Pacific Northwest). You will be adored, hit on, talked to, and generally treated with lots of interest and admiration in any thinkable or unthinkable situation. Before long, you will grow weary of telling genuinely fascinated people where you're from, and of hearing it's so cool that you're from wherever you're from when they don't have a clue of what where you're from is like. You will entertain plans to have t-shirts printed that read "Yes, I'm from X. YES, I KNOW THAT'S SO COOL. Have a wonderful day, too." You will get hit on four times as much as your new American friends even though they're just as hot as you are. (Portland standards of hotness are not on the high end of the scale, by the way.) You will start to understand why Americans think Europeans are rude (they're right), and at the same time, you will occasionally crave rudeness. (You get used to the inexhaustible friendliness after a while. I promise. You'll even start to mean it when you say "Have a nice day!" to everyone and their dog. And when you go back to Europe, you'll find service inexplicably rude everywhere and will think things like 'good thing they don't work for tips here!', but you'll still feel bad about not tipping the customary 15% ...)

As for the stripclubs - apparently, we have laws permitting to show full nudity, whereas many other cities don't allow this. I've been only once and had a good time - meaning it was not creepy or yucky, and hardly cost more than going to a bar for a drink. I haven't been in Europe, but I imagine it might be different. It also doesn't have much of a social stigma here. (I have 2 friends who work as strippers, and no-one simply seems to care much.)

Man, I never meant to write this much, but here it is anyway

Remind us of when you'll arrive here?

Kevin

PS I hardly follow the news here ... American media are generally so incredibly bad (with a few exceptions - since I live in Portland, I obviously *have* to like DemocracyNow and such (not that I listen to it, liking is sufficient ;-) )) that I ignore them. I find British newspapers are a good source of information : the British are still so obsessed with the US that they write about it more than other countries, but the news is much more neutral and truthful than American media. I did read the NYtimes for a while and it seemed okay, but then I noticed how they write the same stuff over and over again, and I got tired of it. I'm glad to not care about the frantic politics of the day anymore; I do like to read up on 'slower' publications, like an article in The Sun or The New Yorker, or something like that.

Hey,

I wouldn't worry about "lack of interest" ; I would worry about "bad vibes".

My wife's family NEVER contacts me, never sends birthday cards, never asks to speak to me on the phone ... This is even true of my wife's stepdad, who is the sole sponsor of my immigration application!

As far as I understand, they occasionally ask my wife "how's Kevin?" when she calls. That's about it.

When I send a birthday card or something like that, they will be glad but also surprised. They simply don't have the habit of doing such things themselves. In our first year, I got mad at my wife (then girlfriend) one time for not alerting me to her dad's upcoming birthday (thus depriving me of a chance to wish him happy birthday and make a good impression etc.) She was completely surprised, insisted that no-one expected anything like that of me, and it took her a long time to understand my point of view. She was also completely surprised when birthday cards or presents would arrive in the mail from my mother in Belgium ... She was sort of clueless about the whole thing, didn't know how to respond etc.

For a while, I was in the habit of occasionally (every 1-2 months) sending my sponsor a brief update of how I was doing. He'd always reply kindly but very briefly about a week later. I think he genuinely didn't really know what to do.

When we visit (about once a year - they live on the E coast, we live on the W coast), everyone is nice and it's a fairly relaxed and good time. No problems, no 'tudes, no bad vibes. Dinners, play with their kids, etc.

It doesn't mean anything except that they have a 'scattered' family, they're all pretty caught up in their own lives, and ... THEY SIMPLY DON'T CARE THAT MUCH.

Since I can live with them not caring much, it works fine with me. I understand that, to those used to a warm, tightly connected family situation, it might be very upsetting.

It would be a completely different story if I detected any signs of rejection/hostility/... In that case, I would probably react strongly and expect my partner to stand up for me 100%, no BS. Sadly, there's still a lot of racism and prejudice in the USA (like in most other places), which could play a role. Or there might be "family history" that you didn't sign up for, but there it is anyway. Such things would likely improve over time as they get to know you, but it's your choice whether you want to deal with the slow, arduous process of people finally growing up or not. And your husband should hold your feelings in concern at least in equal importance as those of his family.

(Isn't it amazing how people will completely bash immigrants in front of you, then react surprised when you voice your feeling hurt over that, then state in the most ridiculous way how they weren't talking about you, you're a good guy, I mean of course they weren't talking about you, it's just, well, ... ? I don't argue with people over such topics; I now try to see them as an opportunity to gently share my experiences immigrating to the US. Usually, people are surprised to learn it's not nearly as cushiony and rosy as f-up rightwing b-ards claim it is...)

************** THE MOST IMPORTANT BIT:

You said that you haven't discussed all of this with your husband yet. I encourage you to do so soon, since you're worrying about it anyway. The importance of his family to him is valid, but your feelings and your desire to feel respected and loved are equally valid. So tell him about your concerns. If you phrase it as 'concerns', there shouldn't be any reason why he won't talk to you about it (although some of us carry loads of suppressed baggage related to family - so you never know).

Anyway, I think your husband ought to take your feelings into account in this matter. Truth is, he probably *wants* to take your feelings into account. But in order to do that, he has to be *aware* of them! And that happens by you telling him about it. Other people never guess our thoughts and feelings the way we want them to. Talking really, really helps.

Wishing you the best,

Kevin.

PS Conversation suggestion:

print out this entire thread and give it to your hb to read. It'll show that many people have similar concerns and will help both of you look at things while keeping a bit of distance - makes thinking and talking easier.

Hi everyone

thanks for the advice. I had tried to look at older threads, but it was hard to find the good ones ... So thanks for the links!

Also thanks for the other pieces of advice ... It seems that I will indeed have to start by paying a bank so that I can borrow money from myself. I'm currently having the "why doesn't this country make any sense??" crisis every immigrant seems to go through, so never mind the delicate hint of sarcasm. I'll get over it, I promise.

I will also look into being added onto my wife's account (jointly). I want her to check her score first in case it's really bad (she hasn't checked in a long time) but I expect we'll end up adding me in any case as I have I751 coming up in half a year.

bye,

Kevin

Hi all!

I have another question .

Credit seems pretty important here, so I want to get some. I checked recently and simply don't have credit - never had any loans anywhere, always used my European credit card and never saw a reason to get a second card ... As you can imagine, the fact that I've always gotten by without borrowing and don't owe anyone for overpriced education or overpriced medical care makes the USA think I must be very untrustworthy .

Anyway, here's the catch : how do I get in on the game? My bank tells me getting a couple credit cards should do the trick, then they declined my application because of ... no credit history.

I've had my green card for a year now and I haven't had steady employment. Some paid-by-the-hour software consultancy work. A part-time teaching job. Right now, I'm on a short-term contract from Europe! In Summer, I'm expecting more consultancy work. I'll try again to get a 'real job' for Fall, but living in Portland OR, these aren't too easy to come by. (My wife, the US citizen half of the pair, is a full-time student with no income to speak of.)

Barring existing credit and proof of steady income, how do I get in on the system? At this point, I don't even care if I get the crappiest APR in the entire universe.

If anyone has been in my shoes, I would love to hear about your experiences and your solutions!

Thanks,

Kevin

Thank you for your replies!

In the end, I found the necessary bits of paper (W2 etc.) and filed electronically. I filed a joint return for my wife and I for the reasons you gave. The forms said I should get about $900 back, but I had to guess at a question or two, so we'll see if that actually happens

thanks for your help!

Hi,

I live in Portland and it's a fun place to live.

Comments about Portland being unsafe are fairly ungrounded. I think you'd be hard pressed to find a much safer city. I'm not aware of any places that need to be avoided.

As for activities, events, ... It would help if we knew what you're looking for? There's certainly a lively music scene, arts scene, lots of bars and restaurants. There are festivals and such too, but again it would help to know what makes you happy!

People talk about "community" a lot over here, and there is some reality to back up all the talking.

The weather : the amount of rainfall is much exaggerated. This is mostly the fault of the natives, who use complaining about the weather as a way to bond. There's certainly appreciably more sun and less depressingness here than in Seattle (I've lived in both places). Nevertheless, winters are fairly grey and (imo) depressing. Summer means 2-3 months of no rain and temperatures of 80-90 degrees - perfect for me. Spring and Fall are variable seasons, where you can have hot, cold, and wet in one day. The rain that we do get is what makes us not look like California (ie green instead of brown). Personally, I'd love to be migratory and live in Portland April-October, and somewhere south November-March .

By the way, you will find that locals ###### about the weather all the way from the Canadian border to somewhere around the OR/CA border ... It must be traditional or something, it doesn't seem to depend on what the weather is really like .

The roads aren't in the greatest condition. Highways etc. are fine, but the small, residential streets can have serious potholes. I don't ever go downtown in rush hour unless it's really important, but most of the time, traffic is much more bearable than in many big(ger) cities. Luckily, there are many bridges across the river.

You'll be fine when you make it here. Try to arrive in Summer for optimal first impressions.

'Kay, that's enough

Kevin

Hi! I know I'm being a flake - but I totally forgot there's such a thing as taxes, and here I am with less than 24 hours to figure it all out! Could you please take pity on a flaky newbie and answer these quickies for me :

1/ SHOULD I FILE AT ALL? My wife (US citizen) and I have been married since Dec 2008 ; I was granted my green card in Mar 2009. She is a full time student and didn't make any money, living off student loans instead. (If she filed separately, she wouldn't have to file at all.) I mostly lived off old savings and due to bad economy made very little money, about $7000 for all of 2009.

My immigration sponsor is my wife's stepfather, who lives 3,000 miles away, earns a generous wage, but almost certainly hasn't claimed me as a dependent (I haven't talked to him in a while, but I feel quite confident on this).

Should we file a tax return at all?

2/ DO WE HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH EITC? (Earned Income Tax Credit) This is a question on the very first page of the irs e-filing system and I have no clue ... I started the irs online tool to figure out if we need to do this, but it asks questions I don't know the answer to ... Like do I qualify as someone else's dependent? (My sponsor??)

Please help me out! A million thanks and blessings to you!

Kevin

Hey!

First of all I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience. I've travelled all over the world, literally, and US airport a$$holes are worse than any other country I've seen. Sometimes. Most of the time they're actually nice and sweet.

Don't worry about it anymore! That little freak that gave you such a hard time doesn't have any authority to mess with your application. Absolutely nothing bad is going to happen. I've been "taken out of the line" and questioned separately twice, and it never affected anything. Once they're satisfied, they let you in (perhaps with a bit of an attitude!) and then they forget about you, because there's a thousand other passengers to hassle and/or let through. They cannot and will not interfere with your immigration case.

They do have the right to hassle you and there's probably not much that you can do. Try to be nice to immigrants wherever you meet them :-).

Take care, and enjoy those precious three weeks together!

Kevin.

I had one of those "young guys with authority issues" yell at me one time (this was at customs after I'd been questioned for half an hour, all my paperwork looked at line by line, because I was entering the US on a waiver while I had an application running, which I'd started shortly after a previous application had been denied - bigtime red flag), saying he was going to go through all my luggage (don't they love making a mess of your cherished possessions!) and if there was any indication of me looking for work, like a resume, he was gonna kick my #### right back out of the country.

To which I coolly replied that, yes, I was carrying a resume related to my pending F1 application. He just mumbled "oh, right", looked lost for a few moments, then tore open a big cardboard box full of books. Okay, so I was carrying a heavy bag and two heavy boxes ... for a one week visit. "And what are you doing with all this stuff?" "Well, if my F1 is approved, I'm moving here, so I'm bringing over some stuff already to leave here after I return to await the result of the F1 application." "Oh, okay." Again, that was it. Then he asked the name of my girlfriend and her date of birth, went over to a computer and either checked or pretended to check this, and then he told me rudely I could enter. Oh, funny detail, as part of the procedure he then had to give me a feedback card and ask me to give feedback on his behavior. Heh!

Anyway, I hadn't seen my girl in over a month, so I forgot all about it as soon as I reached the arrival area!

Hello everyone,

thanks very much for taking the time to write a reply - some of you even took a LOT of time, I really appreciate it!

I'd like to add a few words to the "prenups-are-evil" crowd. As you may have noticed, the main worry for me is future debt, not houses and couches and cars. You are all a bit quick jumping to the conclusion that we envision falling out of love one day.

We're looking at $100k - $200k in future debt for her education. (The thought of raising kids outside of "socialist" Europe is terrifying ;-).) I do trust her fairness in dealing with that. But what if something happens to her - let's say the worst happens and she gets run over by a train, what then? I have no assets whatsoever, I would be heartbroken enough and getting financially broken too would not make things any better.

I would not judge my love unworthy for protecting myself against her. But what I'm really doing is protecting myself against situations that are out of her control. As a previous poster pointed out (thanks!), there are situations in which they might seize my assets and income whether she wants it or not! Why doesn't anyone ever think about that in these pro/con prenup discussions?

In a way it can even be extra security for her too if a bankruptcy of one partner would not automatically drag the other partner down as well.

Of course we will be building a life together and so the $150k in debt (best estimate) will exist for me too, whether it is in my name or not ; will limit or steer the choices "I" make ("I" as one part of "we") ; our actions as a couple will be guided by our (financial and other) resources as a couple.

When I fell in love with her 3.5 years ago, I left my country behind, my family, my old friends, and everything familiar ; I gambled on changing jobs, all to be with her. (And it worked out great!) That was as a Ph.D. student, on a job with a limited time frame. Now I'm making that choice all over again, but this time for good : leaving my home country and my family forever. (And I don't think life would have been any less comfortable for me in Europe - you know, where school is free.) I've declined job offers and instead I'm waiting for a green card and will have to humbly go hunting for jobs so I can live with her (the offers were in different cities). So, if anyone wants to challenge my love or my commitment, go ahead.

Well, sorry for that rant. I truly appreciate everyone's point of view, even those who don't like my ways too much. I'm not sure why I felt the need to justify myself, but here it is.

G'night everyone,

Kevin

Thanks for your help, pushbrk! That answers my question.

Kevin.