carpe diem

Hi all, I seem to have disappeared from the list... My information is in my signature, it would be great if someone could add it as a further data point on NYC (I'm afraid I will mess up the formatting further).

Also, in case it's helpful to anyone, I missed my biometrics appointment as it fell within a 2-week trip abroad and I was blissfully unaware of the notice, which also came in during my travels. This morning, two days after my appointment date and the day after my return, I got my fingerprints taken without any problems. So far, so good! ;-)

Hi fellow May filers, my timeline so far is in the signature. I don't have time to figure out the instructions right now and am afraid to mess up the format, but if the next person to add an update could put in my information, that would be great! It's almost identical to soch's. ;-) Hopefully NYC will speed things up a bit.

Also, I want to add a big thank you to Yurika & Jim for everything you have done for VJ in general and for us March filers in particular. Going through this with others in the same boat has made the experience infinitely better.

Dear March filers, I got my greencard in the mail today! Good luck to those still waiting for approval! I hope USCIS will wrap up the applications of all remaining March filers shortly.

Today (a few days after I stopped checking) I found the "Congratulations" letter in the mail! Date of decision is 6/16/10. This should bring VSC over 50%... If someone could update the chart, that would be great! I'll let you know when I receive the card.

To those of you who are still waiting to hear from them, good luck and I wish you a speedy decision!

Vermont is ALIVE!!!

Please update my status.

On May 14, 2010, we ordered production of your new card.

Tahnks to all for your helpful guides

Good luck to all!!

Woohoo, congrats!

Ugh

so I finally decided to sign in and check my status online! I wanted to wait so it gave uscis PLENTY of time to update my case...

what do I find?

Initial Review

On March 23, 2010, we received this CRI89 PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED, and mailed you a notice describing how we will process your case. Please follow any instructions on this notice. You will be notified by mail when a decision is made, or if the office needs something from you. If you move while this case is pending, please use our Change of Address online tool to update your case with your new address or contact our customer service center at 1-800-375-5283.

I just checked, had the same notice (then again, I didn't do my Biometrics yet). I guess it's better than moving on to one of the next two circles! From looking at updates in earlier months, Vermont doesn't seem to be too swift.

I'm sure it's not a glitch Congrats !! You are the first approved March filer !!!

Woohoo, congrats Rocky!!!!

I just received my biometrics notice in the mail: May 3 it is! I'd be grateful if someone can update the chart (I haven't yet figured out how to do it and am on a very slow computer).

Wow Carpe diem! that is FAST! now I am worried... Because I still didn't get anything...

I hope you get yours today! They don't seem very consistent, and Easter / Passover may have thrown things off a bit, with quite a few people taking extra days off. Also, it's the end of skiing season in Vermont. ;-)

I just received the NOA dated 3/31/10. It's literally the date my application was delivered-- I think I set a record! (And from experience I know better than to feel smug about this-- I'm one of those people who always gets in the line, elevator, subway, etc. that seems to be the fastest, only to then be held up forever while everybody else passes me by.)

Hi all, I mailed in my application yesterday so I think that makes me a March filer (if barely so). It's nice to see VisaJourney is still going strong. Leafgal, I am quite sure we were filing for AOS in the same month two years ago (I think we were Feb filers), and Ken's Rose, your name seems familiar also. I hope everybody has been doing well in the past two years. Here's to a smooth ride for all of us!

Merrillizer--

I take the law very seriously and I am still going to urge you to think hard before reporting illegal aliens. I bet that after any initial satisfaction, you'll soon realize you have made things much worse not just for them but also for your wife and yourself. Any action you take against them will further reduce any chances of you and your wife reconciling. And you may say that you won't reconcile anyway, but in that case, you still don't achieve anything (other than maybe some schadenfreude) by trying to make other people's life more miserable.

You may blame these people for some of the actions of your wife but your wife is an adult and chooses to be influenced by them. It's easier to blame others for interfering with your marriage, but my position is that the only thing that really matters is that the person you married, for whatever reason, doesn't seem to feel the marriage is worth fighting for. That's a hard pill to swallow, and I wish you the strength you need to get yourself back together.

Trying to get the immigration police to chase someone is not a minor thing. Regardless of what you think about illegal immigrants, as someone else said, they are first and foremost people trying to make a living in difficult circumstances. You say you understand why your wife doesn't want to go back to her country and that you want to do anything to help her stay, yet you're going to try to get others deported?

Please, don't do anything rash. You'll have to live with yourself the rest of your life, and after all this has passed, you may find that trying to hurt people who are in a vulnerable position is not something to be proud of.

I'm going to add something that may sound kind of heartless. I know you love your children and I'm sure they're wonderful. But as a highly-educated career woman who doesn't particularly relish spending a lot of time with other people's children (as an aside I'm undecided about whether I want to have children of my own although I think -- and many other women who have been in the same situation have confirmed this -- things might be different when they're yours), I would positively go crazy if I moved all the way across the world, only to find that my husband drags his feet getting my work papers in order and expects me to use my first few months here to warm up to his children and take care of them, however little he seems to be asking from his perspective. I'm not saying she shouldn't try to build up a relationship with your children. I'm saying they are YOUR children, not HERS (and her problems with getting pregnant probably make this all the more painful to her) and things might have worked better had she been able to build a relationship with them from a place where she is out of the house most of the day just like you are, having her own things, doing work where she can put her education and intelligence to use or at least where there is some chance of being able to do that down the road, learning about working in the US, and contributing financially. Of course she is exaggerating when she refers to herself as being a "slave" but I can relate somewhat to that feeling as she is basically being pushed in the role of the one who takes care of the children and the home and to her this probably feels like violence to her personality. And you working exceptionally long days makes this role patron worse-- if you're working these kinds of hours YOU haven't been contributing enough to your home and family life.

Your children and your mom are strangers to your wife, from a different culture-- and your mom probably thinks your wife landed the best deal ever with you (because that's how all moms feel about their sons) and I'm sure feels protective of her grandchildren who have gone through a rough time. I don't know how old your children are but in my experience young children perfectly understand it when you're not their parent and it's very difficult for a non-parent to set limits-- and probably more so when you're "daddy's new wife" who needs to build a lasting relationship with the children than when you're a nanny who has a more professional relationship with the family. In sum, the people with whom she spent most of her time were probably the least capable of understanding your wife's adjustment problems. It sounds to me like she was extremely isolated, only spent time with the people who are the closest to you and therefore probably not entirely receptive to her problems, and instead of being able to find her own way in this country by working, meeting other people through her professional life, maybe engaging in a community activity that's something she really loves doing and that allows her to build a bit of a life separate of yours, she was expected to make it a priority to build a relationship with your children and to cook for your church.

You sound like a great guy and you clearly love your wife, but I think you may have underestimated how hard this adjustment has been and how offensive it may have been to her that you didn't make it your first priority to help her get started in this country by applying for EAD and AP right away (especially seeing how you managed to "find" the sums for private school and other emergencies). Yes it's a lot of money but it sounds like you could have made it work if you really wanted to, and once she starts working it's earned back in no time.

I very much hope she will come back to you. If she does, please do everything you can to give her a good "re-start"-- at least help her find work, start looking into another solution for your mom, and do not make it your wife's primary responsibility to take care of your children (you managed before she moved to the US!). Also, and I think this is very important: Try to find someone she can talk to, either a psychologist or a social worker or a religious person, but it has to be someone who has NO ties to you. You're American and probably very sociable (and had your work connections to get you started); even though your town is new to you too, it is clear that you've been able to make connections and build a life for yourself in a pretty short time. It is important for her to be able to talk to someone who is not connected to you, who will not report back to you, to whom she can say how she really feels about her situation, the kids, your family, without fearing that what she says will reach you. As you recognize, sometimes we all need to vent and say things that we don't necessarily mean but just want to get off our chests and it's essential for her to be able to do that without being afraid to complicate her relationship with you and your family.

Best of luck. I hope we'll get to see a happy update one day.

I'm sorry this is happening to you... Don't rush into anything. Stay in communication, tell him how you feel, and try to find out where his doubts are coming from. Do some soul-searching yourself-- you're so young, think very carefully about whether you are ready to marry him (I think when one's partner has doubts about the relationship sometimes the natural reaction is just fight to win him/her back without making a conscious call about whether it's worth it). The long distance does make it harder to work on the relationship, and your fiance is under a lot of strain being in the military in these times. Good luck to you.

Excuses, excuses, excuses. I'm tired of all the psycho-analysis. Morocco would be tough. Yes, ma'am it would be. But who is he to tell you that you can't handle it there? If he loves you and wants you, he'd tell you to come. End of story. Who loves his wife and DOESN"T want her to come live with him while they wait for the visa if that is an option? He would be thrilled to have you, even knowing how difficult it might be there for you.

From your wording, it sounds like he wants the visa here, and you were his ticket to get it. And now that its not looking like he's going to get it, he wants to move on. So why don't you move on first? You are a beautiful woman and can find someone in America who doesn't need to use you for a visa. A man who loves you for the woman you are, not what you can give.

I don't mean to be harsh but I'm sick of all the excuses everyone gives. Oh he must be depressed. Oh he must be this, that, the other. If he loved you, he would tell you to come.

I really wish you the best in whatever decision you make. I hope that he isn't using you. I hope that you make whatever decision is best for you. *hug*

I don't know... It is a lot for someone to give up everything and live in a poor country under difficult circumstances. It took my husband a while to get comfortable with the idea that I would give up a great job in a wonderful city in Europe close to my family and start all over again in the US... for him. Yes presumably it's different when you're married (we weren't at the time) but I can see that if the OP's husband views this as possibly a temporary setback he doesn't want his wife to uproot herself. It is also entirely possible that the OP's husband has doubts and that he feels it's not fair for him to encourage her to move if he doesn't know where this is going. And yes, it is possible that he was primarily concerned with getting a GC, and her moving to Morocco doesn't get him closer to that goal.

I agree with the posters who tell you not to rush anything right now. Perhaps you should have a conversation with your husband to find out precisely what lies behind his reservations about you moving to Morocco. Don't accuse him of using you for the GC, but just tell him that if he has doubts about the relationship he should express them so you can both try to work things out and make decisions on the basis of honest information about how you both stand in this marriage. If you feel comfortable doing it in these scary economic times, see if you can take a leave from work and go to Morocco for a few months. But, don't do anything radical too soon.

Good luck and I hope you will work things out!

Only the 2 persons involved in a love relationship know what happens in it.

You have good friends, they love you and they must be angry at him because he hurt you, maybe he is hurt too and they can't see it. I would have taken all the paperwork related to my status too, nothing to do with fraud or finishing an obscure plan. Just for common sense, especially if I knew that I had to revise my options latter.

Good luck.

Agreed. Even family members and very close friends never know the whole story of a couple's relationship. I have seen friends stay with someone who did horrible things to them and as an outsider have been absolutely dumbfounded. Similarly I have seen people walk out of a relationship that seemed to be working very well. I have decided not to judge friends for their relationship decisions and just to try to help them and to get along with their significant others no matter how I think of them. So, this is a long introduction to say, go with what you feel, not with how others analyze the situation.

You will probably never know what your husband's motivations were throughout the dating process and when entering into marriage. Moreover, most people (not just immigrants) are moved by a variety of considerations in these matters-- in addition to love, friendship, and perceived long-term compatibility, many are motivated by things like financial security, fear of staying alone, wish to start a family, social pressure, convenience, and yes, immigration status or the possibility to move to a more desirable country. Most individuals are complex and so are most relationships.

Of course, there are scammers who do anything, everything just to get a GC over the back of an unsuspecting USC. But from reading your account, this doesn't seem to be the case in your relationship. I would say, as hard as it is, try to focus on picking up the pieces and taking good care of yourself, not on making his life more difficult.

Best of luck! You will be very happy again one day.

I do. He makes his way to the nearest airport, and explains his situation to the first immigration official he sees. I'm sure they will be MOST efficient when it comes to processing the ticket.

Thats a really bad joke (if its one) and even worse if its not. Please refrain from giving any advice if you can't come up with a good one. You would not want to be in the same situation and have people tell you the same

This is actually pretty good advice except it would be pretty difficult to actually "see" an immigration official. This K1 visa holder needs to leave the USA. He really doesn't have any other options. This was already explained the first time he posted his story. If he cannot make arrangements to leave on his own, then he'll need to arrange it through ICE, US Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Yep - there was an article in the NY Times a couple of days ago about how ICE charters planes to deport illegals - they treat them rather nicely too given the circumstances, gives them a free sack lunch and everything...

Enough with the illegal immigrants bashing. I too am for enforcement of immigration laws (although I think leniency is sometimes called for) but I see no reason not to treat illegal immigrants as human beings when they get deported. Many illegal immigrants have worked their behinds off in this country, often under very tough circumstances as their status (and often, lack of education, language barrier, and unfamiliarity with the justice system in this country) makes them vulnerable to exploitation, including by legal immigrants.

Sorry for the off-topic post.

I don't see any illegal immigrant bashing. Perhaps you could point it out in something quoted above. The OP is now legal but will not be able to immigrate. As such his only option is to leave the USA. With limited funds, his option is to go back to his own country. We're advising him on how to do that.

What I read as illegal immigrant bashing is the sentence that the ICE treats them "rather nicely too given the circumstances, gives them a free sack lunch and everything..." As in, these people are illegal, they don't deserve to be given basic necessities. Maybe I overreacted.

I was not commenting on the OP's situation, as indicated by my apologies for the off-topic post. I simply have nothing to add to what has already been said to the OP.

I do. He makes his way to the nearest airport, and explains his situation to the first immigration official he sees. I'm sure they will be MOST efficient when it comes to processing the ticket.

Thats a really bad joke (if its one) and even worse if its not. Please refrain from giving any advice if you can't come up with a good one. You would not want to be in the same situation and have people tell you the same

This is actually pretty good advice except it would be pretty difficult to actually "see" an immigration official. This K1 visa holder needs to leave the USA. He really doesn't have any other options. This was already explained the first time he posted his story. If he cannot make arrangements to leave on his own, then he'll need to arrange it through ICE, US Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Yep - there was an article in the NY Times a couple of days ago about how ICE charters planes to deport illegals - they treat them rather nicely too given the circumstances, gives them a free sack lunch and everything...

Enough with the illegal immigrants bashing. I too am for enforcement of immigration laws (although I think leniency is sometimes called for) but I see no reason not to treat illegal immigrants as human beings when they get deported. Many illegal immigrants have worked their behinds off in this country, often under very tough circumstances as their status (and often, lack of education, language barrier, and unfamiliarity with the justice system in this country) makes them vulnerable to exploitation, including by legal immigrants.

Sorry for the off-topic post.

I appreciate the comments that tried to be helpful very much. Again, thanks. This lady certainly does not deserve to be treated this way. Her husaband appears to be an extremely selfish and self-centered individual. This isn't the case of the girl being a problem. She was an accountant and wants to work. She even accepted a job at Walgreen just to be contributing and not sit at home all day with nothing to do. Her husband just bought himself a rolex, but assured her that she would have to pay her share of the mortgage, utilities and so on. And of course he drives a mercedes but was very unhappy when the bank said that any money loaned for a car would have to be in his name since the lady has no credit history in the USA. The rest of us understand that there is a lot of sacrifices a woman has to make to come here. She leaves her friends, her family, and her life as she knows it. To be treated so poorly speaks so much of the character of this man. I hope someone might have some helpful ideas on this matter. Thanks again.

Fireman

I don't normally get into these discussions but if it has been such a great sacrifice for the woman to leave "her friends, her family, and her life as she knows it," and she has built no strong personal or professional ties to the US in the short time she has been here, why is she intent on staying?

Mind you I'm not in the camp of those who think any foreigner whose marriage goes south should leave but I just don't get it. I personally gave up a lot to be here with my significant other and when I traveled to the US, comforted myself with the thought that if our relationship failed I could just move back, pick up my life pretty much where I started, and would have just lost some time and money (I went back to school to get a degree that would help me here in the long run). I can see how that balance shifts as you become more invested in your life here, but on the basis of your description, that just doesn't seem to be the case yet for the woman you're writing about. If she thinks she's better off here than in Russia in the long run, I personally have no problem with that (and I think a desire to live in the US is not, in and of itself, inconsistent with a bona fide marriage) but in that case be honest and don't present it as a great sacrifice for her to come here.

Jen, from reading your post about things you would have done differently, it sounds like it would have worked better for your relationship if you had been the one to move, as opposed to David. Some people are just better at taking initiative, adjusting to unfamiliar surroundings, and persevering in the face of disappointments than others. I vaguely recall that you said somewhere it wasn't an option for you to move to Europe (I don't remember why) but it sounds like the personality traits that help you make the best out of life in foreign surroundings are more present in you than in David.

Also, I can very much relate to the point you make about you being busy and he not at all. I have been in a somewhat similar situation with my husband, when it took him about a year to find a job (I should clarify that this was not due to immigration/ adjustment issues as he is the USC). The job search turned out to be much more difficult than he ever expected, and I felt that it made him kind of passive, which I couldn't understand because I would have expressed my frustration more clearly. Although he did what he could using his network to try to learn about openings, I also felt that he was wasting a lot of time playing computer games, posting on Internet forums and doing household things that really shouldn't fill up entire days. I have always had jobs, even as a student (except when I studied here because it would be difficult with my visa) and I couldn't understand that he didn't just try to find any job. He also didn't reach out to friends, partly because of his passivity, and partly because he was ashamed about being unemployed. After work and on the weekends, I always felt I had to entertain him because he spent the days by himself, and he seemed disappointed whenever I would go out with a friend and not invite him. What didn't help matters was that I had a well-paying job in which I was miserable, and I felt that after bringing in the lion's share of our income for years while he was in training, it was my turn to look for a job I would like more even if it would pay significantly less. It was the most difficult time in our relationship, and I am embarrassed to say that I wasn't always as supportive and generous as I would like myself to be.

No, it's not the same: http://www.phrases.org.uk/meanings/seven-year-itch.html

Update:

So I'm feeding my four dogs tonight and the beagle gets green beans in his supper dish as a filler (he's a bit overweight). I put the beans in the wrong bowl and I start crying... and can't stop.

Little things are making me very emotional... like not being able to find my pie server. (My daughter found it and then gave me a hug....) I went to the doc today to have my migraine meds refilled and to get some sleeping pills... the otc stuff is too potent, even half of a dose. He also prescribed a low-dose anti-depressant to get me over the next couple of months. Never thought I'd need either one of these...

The movers are coming for his things tomorrow and it's likely that his departure date will be 10/25.

I was thinking about how I seemed to handle the emotions of my first divorce better than I am this time, and I thought about why that might be. Last time, I was the one who moved out, so I had a house to buy and arrange, and the kids' schedule to organize between the two houses, etc. This time, I'm just WAITING. Being busy with work, kids, and animals isn't enough of a distraction. And being in the same house is extremely difficult. We had a HUGE fight on Sunday night, some of which the kids overheard.... I am SO ready to get on with my life. But I'm still so sad that he won't be a part of it.

Every once and a while, I have a weak moment and am tempted to try to reconcile. But all I have to do is remember that it's not just me wanting this... he doesn't want to be here anymore and if I try to talk him into staying, all I'd really be doing is postponing the inevitable.

Jen

Jen, I don't know you but I do want to give you a virtual hug, and tell you I'm glad to hear your daughter gave you a real one.

This is going to be tough, there is no sugar-coating it. Eventually time will heal everything and joy will return in your life, but now you just need to get through the day. Someone in my immediate family recently had a serious relationship crisis after 11 years together that took her completely by surprise; they're trying to get back together but it's a slow process that seems to be almost entirely in the hands of her partner, who wanted to leave the relationship. It is so hard when one person really wants to fight for the relationship and the other doesn't-- you have to cope with the loss of one of the most important persons in your life, as well as disappointment that your partner apparently didn't value the relationship (or worse, you) enough to try harder, and the feeling that your intuition betrayed you because you had every expectation that this was going to work.

For now, just try to take good care of yourself. Force yourself to eat healthily, exercise, sleep (good that you temporarily got medication), and stay away from booze. Treat yourself regularly to something you really like-- nice chocolates, flowers, a good book, a great pair of jeans, a chick flick, a pumpkin spice latte, whatever lifts your spirits just a little bit. Get a haircut (seriously!), manicure, pedicure, or massage. Some other ideas: the fall weather is perfect for long walks, at least when it doesn't rain, and the fall colors and falling leaves will match your mood. Beautiful music can make you cry but sometimes that's a relief-- and to me it's always oddly comforting to know that I can still be moved by something beautiful. Also, please continue to do post here as often as you want to if it makes you feel better-- it seems that for you writing things down helps and this forum is the perfect place for that. Some people will get bored with you and not look at this thread anymore and you risk getting a hostile reaction or two, but it seems you have many friends here and there are others who don't know you but who can somehow relate. And talk to family members and friends, even if you say the same things over and over. Eventually they may tell you it's time to move on to the next stage but until that point is reached, don't worry about repeating yourself.

You will get through this, I know it, and I know you know it too. I'm wishing you the inner strength and warmth from others you'll need in the next few months.

threads like this bring out the difference in perspective between the givers and the takers. there is give and take in every marriage, but it should be within a reasonable balance. few perspectives in this thread have balance.

to the OP, you were a giver, and you got taken. if you are a doormat, people will step on you. lesson learned, and don't do it again, with a foreign woman, or an american woman.

to people berating the guy for spending his entire life's effort/proceeds on someone who did not appreciate and respond in gratitude, grow up. give your time/emotion/ effort/money to someone who throws you away when you have nothing left. then tell us how you feel.

and before you say it, my wife and i are in balance, so i'm not speaking out of personal motivation. i'm just an impartial observer who is tired of watching unwise people set themselves up to be taken, and unscrupulous people taking advantage of them. seen it too many times.

There ya go again sharp shooter.

Again,two sides to every story. The fact that the OP held out applying for the AOS tells volumes. If you can't see that then you are blind.

Both need to grow up.

I don't know-- it took my husband almost two years to apply for my AOS. More precisely, it took me almost two years to get the ball rolling on that (I was the one taking the lead on this project). I am by nature a procrastinator and just wasn't in any rush as I was here lawfully and had an employer-sponsered visa that allowed me to work and enter the US after traveling abroad. I don't think this delay, in and of itself, "tells volumes." Moreover I can imagine that you'd delay this project if you become suspicious that the GC is the reason for marriage, and realize that you're on the hook financially if you sponsor the AOS.

This said, I have to say that on the basis of the one-sided story here, I cannot muster much sympathy for either of them. It sounds like the woman wanted a ride to the US, and the man had some rigid, stereotypical notions of the kind of wife the woman would be, "bought" her by subsidizing her family and didn't really bother to get to know her and find out about her expectations and desires. And now they both find themselves in a tough situation that's entirely the result of their own recklessness.

Does anybody marry for love anymore?

I don't understand why everybody wants to be in this country. It is not all it's hyped up to be.

I know, some people have it worst in their home countries but marrying for papers is sad...really sad...

Lili, how are you? Congrats on your interview date!!!!

Sorry but I can't help to take the bait. I know you mean well, but I don't think you -- or I, for that matter -- are really in a position to judge the motivations of the woman who is the subject of this thread. I bet you would understand the desire to be in this country if you were a woman in Afghanistan-- especially one who is "damaged goods" because her fiance, for whatever reason, did not marry her after the two of them spent some time together in the US. The OP doesn't say whether it was her brother who broke off the engagement, if so, I'm not surprised he wants to help her since his change of heart puts her in a terrible, potentially life-threatening situation. Possibly the notion that one might "marry for love" is completely foreign to the woman (in many cultures marriages are arranged on other bases), or it might be an option she would very much love to have-- and maybe she really does love the man who now wants to marry her. In any event, if the OP's assessment about the dangers the woman would face if returning to Afghanistan are correct, she has strong incentives to settle for a marriage that simply offers her safety and maybe some comfort.

To the OP: the best thing you can do for your brother's ex-fiance is to consult with a good immigration lawyer. Also, if you think you (or she) might qualify for free legal aid, look into pro bono type organizations that specialize in refugee law. In NYC, I can think of Human Rights First and Sanctuary for Families. In the past others have mentioned Catholic Charities. Best of luck!

If this is the first time you really live together (with the idea that it's indefinitely), it's no wonder that things are different for both of you, and that you look differently at each other. It sounds like you're a very independent person, which may cause you to view a break-up as the easiest way out.

My relationship advice (solely on the basis of my own experiences and entirely un-scientific): give it some time. Don't put a deadline on your marriage, and don't assume that everything will fall into place magically. You say you love him. Give him the chance to adjust to living with you, and give yourself the chance to adjust to living with him. Nobody is perfect and you should not want to change each other perfectly but for many couples, it takes some time to find a mode to live with each other. And unfortunately, some people who really love each other just are incapable of living with each other. But don't decide this is the case just on the basis of one month of living together.

Lastly, it's entirely possible and totally fine to be in a loving marriage relationship with someone and not live with that person (I need to say though that I don't know how this is viewed by immigration officers, this is just my non-legal view). Most couples start out that way and some enjoy keeping these living arrangements into place permanently, often because they place very high values on their independence. In the end it's about what works for you, and that may not be the most conventional arrangement. However, it sounds like your husband is important to you so it may be worth it to try to find a modus that keeps you both happy.

Anyway, that's my vote-- I guess technically it's "none of the above." Good luck!