CarolynRitesh

I am sorry that your K1 visa did not come through for you, I can imagine that what you thought would be the day you found out your wife would be able to come to you and now she will be delayed is heartbreaking!

I have a feeling that involving congressmen, etc. could just delay the process further...

Why not trying emailing the Consulate, explaining in further detail what and why you took the K1 steps (the marriage is not legal at this time, and another one will be performed in the US) and see what they say? The problem is, if the marriage is not legally recognized in India, you WON'T be able to do the K3 as they will look for that evidence in your K3 visa petition... Quite a quandry... Even if you move to India, in order to do a DCF process (which was quite fast for us!), you would have to stay for several months to qualify to file an I-130 in Delhi.

Perhaps a consulatation with an attorney would help navigate this process a little better, but be careful in who you select, make sure they have dealt with this kind of situation before. (I know it is not the first time this has happened in USCIS/Consulate history!)

I wish you luck and speed in your journey!

... and then there are millions upon millions of people who have never met their spouse before marriage, such as is common in India, and very many of those marriages work out just fine.

Its not worth predicting or worrying about other peoples 'relationship worthiness'. Just get on with life and let other people be.

Sorry you took what I wrote that way Chuckles, it was not how I meant it to come across. It was not about 'relationship worthiness', it was an honest question about how others make their marriages work in a cross-cultural setting. I am curious to see how other people are dealing with it because no matter how any of our relationships evolved initially, we have to deal with things that other couples don't when they are both in/from the US. We are getting ready to move to the US, and it is something I am thinking about right now.

As far as Indian arranged marriages go, it is the mentality of both sides of the couple and there is a LOT of family support to help make them work. Even with that, Indian couples where one member grew up in the US and the other in India face the same obstacles that everyone else faces and divorce is on the rise...

Soooo good to see you back on again AmanRam!! I am soooo sorry you have had to go through so much extra hell with this process at every turn! BUT, it looks like you will be getting your visa soon!!!!! (I can't wait to see your next post and share in your celebrations!)

I do not understand, didn't you submit some of those things before - pics, marriage certificate? The family tree and phone numbers, wedding costs, etc. seems to be a little thing (BIG actually!) that Delhi does... Especially if it is a Hindu ceremony. I am convinced that because ours was under the 'Special Marriage Act', they did not require as much documentation.

This is great information for EVERYONE going through Delhi, thanks for sharing!

Again this thread has taken a few interesting turns!

I would have to agree with eekee that spending one week with someone 24/7 is not the same as dating someone for several months. Not to mention, but you are jet lagged for most if not all of that trip and fuzzy thinking prevails! Some advice my Mom gave me a long time ago is to know a person for at least a year before you make any big decisions because in that year you will see them in all kinds of different situations (and they you) and can get beyond that euphoric phase as eekee so eloquently put it.

Of course there are couples that meet and instantly know they are right for each other, of course there are couples that meet on-line and then have a brief meeting together and work out - and of course there are couples that date for long periods and still do not work out - it's just that couples who have been dealing with each other face to face have better tools in their toolkit to deal with the unpredictableness of life.

Obviously, most people can't take a year away from financial, family, etc. obligations and fly around the world to settle into a completely different culture to get to know their potential mates better. I have to admit, that if I had met my husband on-line and come to India for a week or two to meet him, we might still have gotten married, but our transition to a new life together in the US would be much MUCH more difficult for both of us than it will be since I have spent 3 years in his culture. We have both changed in this process so far and will continue to do so as we shift into a different culture together. Seeing him and being with him over time in his own culture helps me to understand where he is coming from, why he thinks certain ways, does certain things, etc. To expect him to go to the US and just 'become American' is un-realistic, but I do expect him to change - that is impossible to avoid.

I guess my point is, don't underestimate the depth and influence of anyone's native culture and mentality and don't overestimate the power of love or an 'easier' life in building a solid and lasting relationship. My question for everyone (both for those with spouses here and those preparing for their spouses/fiancees), how are you preparing for/dealing with this shift in both of your lives? What has been easy, and what has been challenging? How have you, as the USC or Russian changed for the better or worse?

Really? You have to take in a sealed envelope? We had to take it in an unsealed envelope as the consulate office wouldn't allow any sealed envelopes... Hmmmm... Ritesh knew everything that the doc was writing and told him everything was fine...

Hi Neethope!

We just did the Medical in Chennai with Dr. Sanjan John. Please try to find a way to get records for your shots from a Doctor if at all possible - giving shots seems to be a nice little business (expensive!) for him at least. There is a shot that he gives that is apparently not available in India (td) and varicella that cost Ritesh around 3,000 rupees cash - be ready for that. If you do not have records of any kind, it could cost you quite a bundle! (Maybe 9,000!?)

The records are required for the Medical right before the interview and I would recommend keeping a copy for your own records as well.

Oh Charles, if I hadn't already seen enough of your posts to know a little bit of how you operate! I'll tell you what, you start it, and I will get my flame-thrower ready!

Now, back on topic(s)...

Please don't derail this thread with stories of how awful American women are - this is really an interesting thread! (Even if we are not all awful!!)

There is no requirement to register, but as the other poster said, it is not a bad idea. It is not difficult, I have done it here in India via email.

Congratulations Cheryl!! Enjoy your pampering day and the start to your new life with your beloved!

Hey VISH and Sahana! We were successful last Thursday - for the full details check out the thread I posted in South Asia. It is applicable for Chennai, but might give some help to you guys too!

Unfortunately, AmanRam didn't fare as well.... I think his post is in my thread, and it looks like he has to procure more documentation - forewarned is forarmed!! I am still waiting to hear more details from him, not sure exactly what went wrong....

GOOD LUCK YOU GUYS!!!

Wow, this is a much more interesting thread than I thought it would be upon first glance at the title!

I spent two years in Kazakstan in the Peace Corps, so this region always holds an interest for me. Jeffrey, thanks for sharing your story - have you posted what it was like to live in Kazan in other threads? I would love to hear your impressions! I see that your local office is Detroit - my hometown, but I have not lived in the area since 94 - is there a large Russian population there now? If so, where?! I am moving back in mid-May and would love to find that community, brush up on my Russian and get some blini!

eekee, when you mentioned Russia not wanting to have any more 'Central Asians' coming in via marriage to Russian spouses, were you talking about the Russian population who after the breakup flocked back to 'Mother Russia' in fear of a loss of power/influence, etc. (many of whom were treated like outsiders and village idiots and some who returned to Central Asia, or are you talking about the actual Kazaks, Turkmen, etc.? I never met any ethnic Kazaks, etc. who had any desire to live in Russia in my two years there, but I did run across ethnic Russians who thought about it or had families in Novosibirsk, etc.

Slim, you always crack me up! From other boards that I am on, I was under the impression that a lot of the Russians in Korea are prostitutes? I'm not trying to denigrate the women or start a flame war, just something I have heard...

To the man with a fiancee in Ufa, I would say be very very careful... I lived in a medium sized town in Kazakstan which may not compare at all to Ufa, and it was from 2002-2004 so prices may have skyrocketed, but I did so on $120 a month, and that was a little above average wages for the local community - and I lived very well. I would imagine the lifestyle you are providing her for $600 a month is uhm, VERY nice. And, if she is making no efforts to learn English and communicate with you, it worries me.

There is actually a pretty active Russian influence here in India, particularly in Goa - it is great to see Russian menus on the restaurant sign-boards. Unfortunately, it seems to be a seedier group that comes here and sets up shop.

In general, I would say that Russian women are amazing - because they are strong, they perservere in the face of adversity, they can be very dedicated to hearth and home no matter the circumstances, and they really hold the family together - at least in Kazakstan! (But like people anywhere, they can have negative qualities and traits.)

I don't really know the answer as to whether or not it will affect your process, but I did want to let you know that they asked Ritesh at our interview about any countries he had traveled to (only the UK for work a few years ago), and even probed about our honeymoon location (Goa, so it wasn't an issue!).

That he had been to the UK for work was not an issue at all, but since it was some time ago, and for work, that may have been why... You wouldn't need police certs for any other countries unless you were there for 6 months plus, so that is not a worry.

Maybe it would be good to e-mail the Chennai IV Unit and give them the details of why you are traveling, and ask their opinion?

I hope you don't miss out on an opportunity to travel!!

That is WONDERFUL NEWS!! Congratulations! :) We followed you on the 3rd with ours - Chennai was great!

Check the links provided by Yu and Dan - they will have the complete income requirements for what seems to be a family of 4. (I don't think $19,000 is enough) What they look for is not last year's income, but if the person is CURRENTLY working and maintaining that salary, and you commented above that she is not working. (Although last year's tax records are a requirement as well!) A letter from her employer is required with RECENT paystubs...

It might be best to start lining up another sponsor, but you really need to do more research first - check out the links and download the I-864 forms - there is a lot of information in the forms. Then you will know exactly what you are asking of a sponsor, and can sort through each person's situation.

Good Luck!

Your spouse is required to do an I-864 no matter what, as they are always considered the primary petitioner - income or not, job or not, this must be done! Actually, I think there was a little error in Yu and Dan's post... Unless the sponsor IS your spouse, they must have FIVE TIMES the 125% of the poverty level in assets if they do not meet the job income requirements. (And if she claims your spouse as a dependant, and anyone else in her household as dependants, then the minimum level will also increase.)

The joint sponsor is not required to make $52,500 in income, they must make the 125% of the poverty level with an on-going job for themselves, their own family and you. For example, if the cousin is single, then they would have to make the amount for themself and you - 2 people. Another example, they are married and have one child. Then they would have to make 125% of the poverty level for themself, their spouse, their child and you = 4 people.

The I-864 is a little bit complicated, but it can be sorted out. Just remember that your spouse MUST file an Affidavit of Support for you as the primary sponsor, now you just need to sort out who would be best as your co-sponsor.

Good luck in your process!

Proof of marital status --- Easier said than done...I've never been married but how do you PROVE that someone isn't something? I could only think of having people state and sign that I haven't been married? I'm not sure about this one...

That you get from the US embassy. It is an affidavit stating that you have either never been married or have provided sufficient proof that all other marriages have been legally dissolved and you are free to marry. I forget how much it costs, but it is not free.

I don't know about all embassies, but the ones in India have stopped providing statements/letters like that. When I applied for that in December, they sent a statement saying that the US Govt. does not keep a centralized data base on the marital status of its citizens so we had to go to a court and get sworn affidavits. I heard from another VJer that they won't even provide those letters now, but you can pay a fee and get a notarized affidavit from the Consulate... Might be cheaper to do that in a Belgium court.

Good Luck!

Im writing under a different screen name, the reason will become apparent, as I need some feedback and/or advice regarding the following issues that has come up at home. Im British and am suffering quite terrible homesickness. I have been with my husband for 2 years, married and living in the US for 10 months now.

We have recently had a discussion regarding the idea of us moving to the UK as a family, and the reaction I got from my husband was quite unexpected. Basically, he has told me that he does not want to live in the UK and that if I wanted to go home, then I would be alone. This of course has upset me no end as I left my home country and family, to be with my husband, NOT to be in the US, and I naturally thought our marriage was based on love and wanting to be together.

Now, Im not being unreasionable as I havent just come out with this and expected us to start packing our bags, I just suggested that maybe in a few years we could go and live there for a while.

What do the Americans think here?, would you move to your partners country or is your marriage based on staying put in the US?, Im just a bit baffled, and heartbroken. I would have moved to Outer Mongolia to marry him, but obviously he doesnt feel the same.

Hello,

My husband and I met here in India and have been together for 2.5 years. We just got the CR1 and are moving to the US in 6 weeks. Before living here, I spent two years in Kazakstan and know that going through culture shock is tough and I feel for you as you are in the throes of it right now. It is true that many assume that transitioning between the UK and the US will be a piece of cake, but the fact that there are some similarities can actually make it more difficult and hit you in ways that you would never have guessed. Something that was pounded into our heads over and over again by Peace Corps staff and 2nd year volunteers is that the 6-12 month period is the hardest, but after that it gets easier and easier. Granted it is a little bit different if you know that you only have a two year assignment rather than a lifetime commitment.

We are planning on staying in the US for 7-10 years, and then returning to settle in India. I am worried about Ritesh adjusting to the US and how it will impact him for some time to feel so disoriented and out of place, to possibly face racism and the closed-mindedness of Americans... We talk all the time about things, but I know that as much research as I did before both of my moves, there is nothing like the actual experience of living in a new place. (Heck, that can apply to moves within the US as well!) In the meantime, we watch a lot of Cops to get a taste of the 'other side' of the US!

Like others have recommended, keep those lines of communication open, plan a trip home (you might be surprised how much you miss not just your hubby, but also your new life!) and give yourself some time - don't be too hard on yourself!

I know what you mean about being careful about the Indian grocery stores and expiration dates! My hometown has become a "Little India" since I left in 1994, and I check every time I go back to see what they keep in stock so I would know what we should bring back. Definitely some bags of loose tea, whole cardamom, vanilla beans, biryani spices, chat spices (we are going to attempt to make chat, that should be interesting!)... Two years ago I could find Limca, but the last trip they stopped carrying it.

What most people in the US don't realize is the diversity of India - in a two mile radius, I have met speakers of Telegu, Gujarati, Tamil, Maharashtrian, Punjabi and Malayalam. Ritesh only speaks Hindi (and English), and that is almost like being from a different planet! The food is totally different too, and while we both love idli and dosas, he just looks at me oddly when I add raita to my biryani or dive into coconut based dishes from Kerala. Luckily, he is very adventurous when it comes to Western food and other world cuisines, and I can't wait to have him try some Greek, Mexican and Thai dishes. We are also excited to have a real oven and try more baked dishes - thank goodness he LOVES to cook and try new recipes - and thank goodness for a Mom who knows the importance of self-reliance in a son!

These next few weeks are going to be sooooo crazy trying to figure out what to take, give away, ship, etc. as well as look for jobs, figure out where we will live long-term, think about cars and getting him a DL (if we move to a warmer climate, he wants to get a motorcycle - we just love his Enfield!), prepare for culture shock for both of us - now the real journey begins!

I have changed careers quite often, but somehow teaching is always at the core of the job... I went from Non-profit management to corporate training to Peace Corps to nanny for my niece to corporate training in a foreign country...

No clue what I want to do now, but would love to have a no-brainer good paying job. (My boss's job perhaps?!)Actually, would I would really love to do is write - historical fiction a la James Michener. Ritesh says my favorite hobby is researching, it would be a fun fit, now if I can just figure out what I want to write about, I would be all set!

I was thinking about this topic this evening, and wanted to get a wider perspective on this silly little point...

Over the last few months I have written numerous emails to the Chennai Consulate and yesterday had interactions with both Indian and American staff at the Consulate Office. Not one person EVER identified themselves by name, and when I thought back on it, no one has ever said the name of anyone who interviewed them (for South Asia anyway!) - just 'Indian woman' or young American woman, etc.

Do they remain nameless on purpose? Are they afraid that people who are denied visas will get violent or look for revenge in some way?

I guess I had a picture in my head of the Consulate offices being a little different, where the interview would be face to face at a desk, with no glass walls in between and a microphone for communication, it was odd to see a kind of 'bank' environment.

Did you have the same experience with your Consulate/Embassy? Do you know the names of the people that you interacted with - at least the first name? What was the physical experience of the interview like in your country?

Hi coyote,

I just went through a CR1 (DCF) interview in India, and we had the same problem. As I have been working in India for the last 3 years, I have NO income to claim for the I-864 process (which is what I believe is used in the AOS process in the US). We have $30,000 in our joint bank accounts, plus his CDs which took us up to about $62,000 in assets - all of it in Indian rupees presently. We got my Dad as a co-sponsor but did not submit his paperwork until it was requested at the first interview of the day.

In the end, we got my Dad's paperwork back as the Consulate Officer determined it was not necessary. We had a lot of peace of mind since we had the co-sponsor, but it may not be necessary - you do have the assets well over the 3 times the 125% of the poverty level, so legally it should be ok, but then everything seems to be up to the individual interviewing you. If you do sell the property at the asking price, you will DEFINITELY be well over the requirements!

Oh AmanRam!! I am soooo sad now!! I was thinking of you all day, and hoping that things went smoothly - especially since they screwed up so badly with your I-130 between USCIS and the Embassy.... This just makes me ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Did they just say that when you submit those items they will issue the visa, or does she have to go back for another interview later?? I just do NOT understand what happened?? Were you able to be there, or did you have to go back to the US? I think the fact that I was there helped a lot, but they have to understand how THEIR screw-up might have prevented that! AARGH!!

OK, enough of my rant, it doesn't do you any good! Gather what they asked for, submit it, and you WILL GET THE VISA! And hopefully soon so that she can travel safely to the US and be with you for the birth of your baby! Make sure that she is emotionally ok with this, we don't want her to be affected right now! Ritesh and I are praying for you!!

Thanks everyone! :) It is SOOO hard to come back to work, but I was able to put my notice letter in today!

The funny thing is, both Ritesh and I HATE hot weather and almost DIED in Chennai! We both agree that Bangalore has the best weather in the world, except maybe the UK, so you know we are a littel crazy! I can't wait to see him in some cold weather, but worry about black ice and snow on the roads. We are leaving India on the 19th of May, and I am sad about that, but we are going to go crazy with the food for the next 6 weeks!

Looks great girl - I just hope you can carry all of that!! It must weigh a TON!

Good luck at your interview!!!