ebonyqueen

I disagree - send only what is asked for. When the application says this OR that OR the other it doesn't mean ten of everything. Too much information is a red flag and asking for a detailed comb through, each piece of paper is a chance of an error, an inconsistancy, something to be thought of as a reason to deny. A huge packet of information is also one that gets set aside until time can be attributed to it, therefore other less "intimidating" packets will go ahead.

Yes...for the initial application, keeping it limited to what is requested is preferred.

But when it comes time for the interview...the more the better! You can never have "TOO MUCH" proof of relationship/bonafide marriage. Plus you don't know what the CO will be focusing on. They are all different in what they look for or choose to take a closer look at. Especially if a red flag has been raised for some reason ( significant age difference, name alert, document discrepency etc.) then there is no telling what they will want to see, or how much of it.

Tiggi---your profile says you are filing K1...but you talk of bonafide marriage etc. Did I miss something?

All I got to say is WOW It's like beating a dead horse up in here

yada yada yada Just a bunch of whining losers. Let's have a real discussion later on, when we see what he does or doesn't do for this country.

In the meantime, the next time someone who is proud of you and wants to honor your accomplishments offers to throw you a party to celebrate, maybe you should refuse and donate the money to save the world. And be sure to tell your boss not to spend too much on your raise or bonus, and don't forget to give your friends and family a spending limit on gifts they buy for you. Afterall, you control what others spend on you...right? Better yet...let's all move into grass huts, give up all our material things, and live in poverty...We are only perpetuating the necessity to "over spend" by contributing to our commercial society. Supply and demand..right?

Opportunities, freedoms, and daily comforts are a priviledge, not a right. And as everything else in our current society, has a price tag, and a certain "price to pay". Let the man get in office, and if he doesn't make things better, in some way, shape or form...then one of ya'll can run for president if you think you can do better!

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Eb

(Thx boo boo for the well-detailed information)

Obama deserves every penny on his Inauguration day. First this includes the cost of increased security. Obama will have to have double the security then any other president, because there are still ignorant people out there that will attempt to kill him just for the pure fact of his race. Increased cost on security will go hand and hand on the fact that this Inauguration will have a historical turnout.

Excellent point

Like I said....times and circumstances bear no comparison.

In other things - I just read that Inaugeration is costing $150 MILLION, WTH???? How on earth can a government spend that much on 4 days?? I sure can think of a whole lot of other things to spend that money on than a big 4 day party. How about start testing all the places that plant in Georgia sends its peanut products to? So much for trimming the excess

This an historical event, dang!!..Give the brotha a break! Like he personally planned the entire thing. (I guess the billions spent looking for "weapons of mass destruction" is money better spent?... ) Lets not start making comparisons just yet..the man isn't even the president yet!

Lets see ..Bush sent 42 million Oboma 150 million. Wait until you see your taxes next year ...let the spending begin ... Everyone forgets why you never want to let the democrats get in control of spending. You will be paying for it for decades.

Ummmm.....and how much was gas, and everything else back then? Times are a whole hellava lot different now. Not saying it's justified...

"paying for it for decades"

*cough cough cough*

about 2.40 a gallon so a 50 % change in gas makes a 300 % change in spending on a party for the president by the president ok ????? May I ask which political party you belong to ... if your spending logic isn't a big clue

...never said I agreed with it, did I? Just sayin give the man a chance. Can't compare apples and oranges. My political affiliation has nothing to do with anything..I voted for the best candidate...not for a political party. It's walking the walk...not just talking the talk! It's past due for change, and the proof will be in the pudding!

BTW...there is no logic when it comes to governmental spending. Can't please all of the people all of the time, now can u?

Taking any foreign man is a huge risk. The American woman is usually marrying because of love/companionship and sex while the foreign man is marrying for money with benefits.

....Ummm, we don't need to be married to get sex!!!!

Nor do we need to seek a foreigner for it!

Well a few people that are marrying Nigerian men nowadays are staying together. The American lady is taking huge risk in sponsoring a Nigerian or lets say any foreign man that comes from a developing country. How can a Nigerian man be in love with his wife in his heart AND to love money the same time? Is not possible! A Nigerian man wants to come to America to make dollars, his primary goal. That is either going to school to make dollars. The woman is just HELPING him so he can succeed. The green card gives him permanant residence.

A real marriage within a Nigerian man and an American woman, where the Nigerian man can love with his heart and not for ulterior motives, will be in Nigeria without helping him to get visa. That takes a huge adjustment on the American woman, depending on his income. That also means the American woman not to bring him dollars and to adjust third-world country lifestyle. Tell him you have no money, and will not take him to America and lets see how far this relationship will last. Perhaps, most of these men want to use a woman to cross over.

Almost all the guys occupying cyber cafes are scammers. Is what we call here in Nigeria-yahoo boys.

I also noticed most of these women are meeting these guys online. Is more better if these women can come to Nigeria to pick their men other than getting a desperate soul.

There are many good men in Nigeria that are not going to the internet. Find him around your age or older, same place of worship as you and SAME goals in life. Ask yourself why is this man is interested in me. Most men in the past married for sex and companionship and to make family.

Best wishes for all!

...are you for real

So....only those of the same nationality can have a "real marriage" in America?

It's amazing the different ways prejudice rears its ugly head...aint it?!!!!!!!!!

In other things - I just read that Inaugeration is costing $150 MILLION, WTH???? How on earth can a government spend that much on 4 days?? I sure can think of a whole lot of other things to spend that money on than a big 4 day party. How about start testing all the places that plant in Georgia sends its peanut products to? So much for trimming the excess

This an historical event, dang!!..Give the brotha a break! Like he personally planned the entire thing. (I guess the billions spent looking for "weapons of mass destruction" is money better spent?... ) Lets not start making comparisons just yet..the man isn't even the president yet!

Lets see ..Bush sent 42 million Oboma 150 million. Wait until you see your taxes next year ...let the spending begin ... Everyone forgets why you never want to let the democrats get in control of spending. You will be paying for it for decades.

Ummmm.....and how much was gas, and everything else back then? Times are a whole hellava lot different now. Not saying it's justified...

"paying for it for decades"

*cough cough cough*

Hubby and I are talking of starting a non-profit organization in the near future...One of the projects we'd like to include is shipping of clothing and personal care items to distribute through churches and eventually thru a Nigeria based home office, in which our family could operate in between our visits. We are also looking into assisting orphanages there with basic necessities. Any info on shipping and/or connections with another non-profit agency in Naija who you know and trust...please PM me. Thanks

God Bless

Just sent you a pm. We should talk...

Unless things have changed within the last 2 years...My travelers checks were not honored anywhere we went in Lagos. When we tried to exchange them for cash they wanted a hefty "fee" and it was almost like some covert operation just to find someone who would exchange them! I ended up just bringin them back home, and had to have family wire me money. My atm card also didnt work at any of the banks we went too...(not saying there wasnt one...but we never found it) The only place that took credit cards was on Victoria Island.

Another member mentioned being cautious at Western Union places...also banks (many western unions are located inside a bank). Especially if you are white. There have been several posts in the past about being singled out because they were white, and thought to have money! Even being followed, and even by the police. But like others have said..I am sure your SO will be aware of all this and keep you safe and protected. Its really not any different than traveling to a large populated city(as far as having common sense and being cautious about money matters) It just seems scarier cuz u gonna be out of your element, and relying on someone else for the most part. Just have faith...and enjoy the experience!

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Eb

I brought some of those mini battery-operated fans (from the dollar store) they all wanted one! Be sure to bring extra batteries tho. Word search books, drawing paper, colored pens, puzzles and calendars were a hit..also playing cards, dominos, and dice. Small stuff like socks, body spray (for guys too) undershirts (wife-beaters) and believe it or not, candles! But you have to get the larger heavy duty ones or else they melt! LOL Also small light-weight blankets, bedding (sheets, pillowcases) Food stuff like beef jerkey, pringles, lollipops, gum, mints, pretzels, hot cheetos, microwave popcorn and cup-o-noodles if they have a microwave.

Obviously he needed a co-sponser for the Affidavit of Support if his only income is SSI. Does she have access to the original petition to know who that co-sponser was...friend, family? Certainly someone has to be aware she is being held captive...if its true. (neighbors, family, friends etc.) If she has access to talk to family online, she can get help online as well. She needs to tell someone...speak out. Send out emails or call to police, shelters, lawyers, the newspapers, the media, churches, hospitals. If this is truly as terrible as described...she may be in trouble or harmed if she does not comply with his wishes, especially if he has a mental illness that is not being treated.

If she is going to try to make a run for it, she had better have a plan...like where she will go, and how she will get there. And hopefully have someone to help her. I am assuming there is another side to the story too, as I find it hard to believe someone didnt see some red flags beforehand that may have been "overlooked" or "explained away" . Not that it justifies this treatment by any means, but without knowing the full story there may not be not such a clear answer.

Bottom line is if she feels she is being victimized against her will...she needs to leave the situation...then worry about her future status once she is safe and can get some legal advice. If it were me, I would try to raise some money from family, organizations/churches etc....and go home to my child.

you go girl!!!!! Congrats

Dang yall....a girl leaves to have surgery, and comes back to find the hatorade is again flowin!!!! Na wah oo..I also "ignored" the first time the site was posted.(trying to be a good girl and not take the bait!) but seeing that another new member has fallen victim made me feel the need to give my 2 cents. (again)

Omoba...u kno you my girl, but i have to respectfully say that Miss Thang has got ur number! She got u "reacting" which is what she thrives on. We all know that newbies have been upset by her postings in the past. How can anyone not be? But we can't just go assuming they are not really new members. And we cant go thinking every new member is really her, trying to bait us. You see what im sayin? I didnt see a bait at all...I saw a question from someone who was offended. All of us are guilty of "reacting" when somethin gets under our skin. I kinda feel bad for the poor guy...he had no clue about this issue.

Me just think...she pops up whenever theres a calm, and waits for someone to bite. This time someone else did first, not one of us!..but she got her drama anyway, and she got to u mama

To the new members: PLZZZZZZZZZZ do a little homework by reading the archives before u react to a negative post. There are some really disgruntled SO's out there...and although we feel their pain, we dont support their continued generalizations or culture bashing. The majority of us are cool peeps...really we are

Peace yall,

Eb

Oh..BTW...that article was hilarious Thanks i needed a good laugh (even tho it hurts when i laugh...ouch) Dont worry ma african kings...ur true sistahs kno dang well yall aint like that....duh ....else we wouldnt be lovin yo butts...

Something else to add to the mix is that many of us have limited time on the internet due to work schedules, family life and other responsibilities. Not all of us can chat while at work or on a lunch break, or have the luxury of working from home. We cannot reply to everyone's thread all the time. It's sometimes a matter of timing. And I personally choose to respond with pm's more so than in the public thread. So just because it may appear someone is only posting periodically...no one really knows what bonds or friendships are developing privately, or how much they may or may not know about others personal VJ!

We all know there are some members we will never befriend. Thats our choice. But the newbies have to figure that out for themselves...and they will with time. Just like the rest of us did. In my case I spent alot of time on this site before I actually joined and started posting. I know people here who will probably never post. They are only here to read and gather the info they need, not to make friends or get into heated arguements. We all have our own agendas, and reasons behind them. Just like with life.

So to all the newbies...GET OVER IT! We all been there. Do whatever you want, and stand by it. If u prefer pms then go for it. Cuz no matter what you do, someone on here will not agree wit it! Do what suits urself and dont worry what others will think. Dont be afraid to come out with it! Most of us are good peeps! Just some are more vocal and opinionated than others and some have hidden agendas that border on dislike or ignorance for a race, class, culture, or lifestyle. Its the haterade crew! Ever present to jump out the first chance the get to make themselves look stupid! But bless their little hearts...they got the guts to keep it real (at least in there own minds...lol)

Just be yourself yall...and be proud.

Peace, Love and Happiness

I hear ya! To be honest that is the exact reason I do not have any of my personal stuff on this site. Not even my timeline. I considered putting pics on my profile, but decided against it. Its not that I am that private of a person...its just some people on here like to use past posts and or old news to stir up drama....and its better not to give anyone fuel for their fire! I will be the first to admit I have been drawn into some heated debates...but IMO, if you put stupid stuff out there...be prepared to have folks get stupid in return! It's the nature of public forums.

any hoo...I hope I didnt make anyone feel uncomfortable. I would never rain on anyones parade. I just have very deep rooted opinions, and if asked...i have no problem expressing them. (sometimes i even express them when not asked...hahahaha)

And to address the "clique" issue...there is definitely an "in" crowd...not just in the sub-saharan, but in most of the other forums on VJ. Although at times they do "band together "(sometimes for or against another member) for the most part they are just those that spend more time on here than the rest of us, and are feeling comfortable posting in many different threads which has allowed them to form more things (and opinions) in common with other members.

Speaking for myself...I prefer to roll solo! And I will only add my 2 cents when I feel like it...not cuz anyone (friend or foe) expects me too.

Peace out yall!

I love hearing these updates. It's so important to know that there are healthy, loving relationships that are thriving and successful. We mostly hear so much negative stuff, it's nice to hear the other side. Thanks for sharing your happiness, and I hope you continue to have a lifetime of blessings.

Maybe we can make this the HAPPY thread...for those who have their SO's here now

Anyone wanna start posting some recent pics of you and your fiance/spouse together here in the US. Lets share!

Ose_n_me, you wanna start if off?!!!

Just looking for information from anyone who has experienced or successfully been able to have a student visa granted for a foreign family member. We understand a student visa is a whole other process involving the school of choice etc..But since my husband is still pending AOS...will it help or hinder either process (the AOS or student visa) since I am still sponsering my husband under the K3? (if his brother comes to live with us while attending school)

Any info or feedback would be greatly appreciated. Thanks

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Ebony

Congratulations Zee..I am so happy for you. Thanks for sharing the pics, they are beautiful. Wishing you guys the best.

Imnop123

With all due respect...You, of all people should know that once you bring something up in court (here being the court of public opinion) that it is fair game. You should have known that giving info about the nature of your relationship..(the nasty s.c.a.m word)) that it would heed some negative opinions. You could have easily asked advice without divulging such personal info. I feel strongly that because u are a defense attorney..(am i right?)you make your living defending criminals or those accused of crimes, and right now you are on the case of your life and you were just laying out the facts!

And the reason this thread keeps going is cuz u keep responding to posts, when u said you wouldnt address anything unless it pertains to your original question. Each time you share more and more personal information..and I just don't get it. It seems like you are trying to get a rise out of people...get them to continue this discussion. You have now gone into a totally different place (the black crisis in america)and seem to want to draw people in for argument. You have layed it all out like "exhibit" number 1-10!!!! Its now the prosecutors turn to cross examine. And believe me VJ'ers will anaylze this info have a rebuttal following close behind.

Bottom line: this thread has derailed....we can keep coming back with another defense of our opinion and keep the back and forth going...or we can choose to move on unless we have anymore important information to share of the K1/K3 visa process as was asked in the first place.

I personally enjoy intelligent debate...and am not afraid to speak my mind...but only if the OP takes the thread in that direction...and it seems u want to explore other controversial topics. So I will continue to be real in my posts....We can squash this right now...or move forward with respectful, intelligent debate.

If you truly want this to end....u need to stop responding to the posts that go off topic.

Peace. Love and Happiness,

Eb

Hey Uno

Fellow insomniac here

But fortunately I am hopelessly addicted to Ambien Neva had any of the side effects! But if I don't take that pill every night..I'm doomed to a night of hell! Tossing, turning, RLS, nightmares etc. Its crazy! Then the next day I cant function at all...eyes burning, muscles ache, no energy. My doc says I lead too stressful of a life, and my mind cant shut off at night. (did i need a doc to tell me that! ) I hate that I NEED the med...but the consequences are worse. If I ever have about a month off work...i can probably wean myself off it cuz i can just suffer thru the nights staying awake till im so tired i pass out!...cuz i did that when i went to Naija....its just when i got home the stress was still here I thought once my man got here, the stress would decrease...NOOOOOTTTTTTT!!!!

Anyhoo...u aint alone girlfriend!

Not all meds will effect everyone the same. There are several other sleep meds out there too. I tried everything before I resorted to the Ambien...I had to do something, it was affecting my life too much. Hope you find a remedy! I feel yur pain!....

Peace.

Eb

You being an attorney is a great tool for you. You have the knowledge and means to investigate and research your options. The fact that you investigated your man is also a plus. IMO you should allow yourself more time get to know, and spend with this man. Whether you chose the K1 or K3, the issue still remains as to whether this man is sincere in his intentions. Just because he was checked up on...and appears to be who he says he is...does not mean he is 100% legit. Afterall, you stated his family was upset to hear he was "scamming". Without knowing the details of the scamming issue...it just seems that someone who is not honest, and who has tried to deceive can not be trusted in such a short time. I say this with no disrespect..but with experience. (I work in social services and have counseled women in all types of scamming scenerios) If someone lies about one thing...there may be other things...and immigration WILL find out if its traceable (mail fraud, credit/identity theft, money scams, false info for visas etc.) Things he withholds from you may come back later to cause a visa denial of permanent ban.

Here's 1 example:

This woman has been having a LDR with a nigerian for almost a year. She went to visit several months ago to meet him and see if the feelings were real (she was only there for 1 week) He pressured her to marry while she was there...but she was reluctant, and declined. He was fairly honest about his life, family etc..as far as she could see while she was there. They talked of filing the K1 when she returned to the states. Long story short.....she came to find out that he has several other women here in the states that he has been continuing to "romance scam" the whole time they have been together. She has contacted these women and they tell similar stories. This man was working several women, in the hopes that one of them would file and get him over here. I saw some of the chat logs and emails, and this guy was a PIECE OF WORK!!!! Even tho he was not deceiving about his life...his true intentions were not honorable, and you cant know that from a simple private investigation! (BTW, there was a significant age difference)

example 2:

This woman had a LDR for over a year...went to Nigeria for one month. Ended up becoming engaged, and his family hosted an engagement party for them. She spent most of the time with him and his family. He told her he had taken the month off from work to spend with her. He also said they had to stay at his sister's because he live in a very bad area, and he was embarrassed of his living situation. He stated he lived in a one room place with shared bathroom facilities, and he wanted her to be comfortable during her stay. She later found out he didnt have a job, and actually lived with a girlfriend who was pregnant. She believes his family was in on the whole scam, and that his girlfriend might have even been at the party!

I have lots of other stories...but i think you get the point.

My advice to anyone having a LDR with someone from another country...is to not rush into things. Take the time needed to develop the relationship. Go there many times, or at least stay for longer than a couple weeks at a time... and build relationships with family and friends, co-wokers, pastors etc. This is a life altering experience, not to mention emotionally and financially draining at times. But its worth the time and peace of mind. I would give this advice to anyone...but most especially to those who already have a red flag raised (the inital scam)

Yes....scammers are people too...and they can fall in love and have true feelings just like anyone, and can change...but making a quick or hasty decision on a life-changing journey like this should be made with caution. Just because someone confesses, and comes clean...doesnt always mean that they still arent playing the game. Matters of the heart are no joke...and it doesnt matter how many degrees you hold, your intelligence level, age, life experiences etc...We all want to love, be loved, and believe in the romantic notion of finding our soulmate.

And in the end....no matter if its here or abroad, we will never ever really know if the love is true until we have lived it. There is no guarentees ever! All we can do is give it to God, and follow the signs he gives us. Our common sense and ability to reason is our best chance...and even then we make mistakes!

I wish you the best...and hope that it all works out for you. Try to make the best of your short time in Nigeria by meeting and spending time with as many family and friends as possible. Go to his job, church etc...ask lots of questions, and re- ask them! Try to get time alone with his family to get insight. Enjoy the experience! It's a wonderful country.

Peace, Love and Happiness,

Eb

footnote: Sorry, after taking so long to write this (major distractions...lol) I noticed u posted something before this about the scamming thing. I do not mean to discourage you or insult your intelligence as to the realities of scamming...but just to share some insight and experiences from those who have admitted they should have taken a little more time. But we all know hindsight is 20/20 right!!! There's nothing wrong with taking a chance on love...we all do it. Stay strong...and pray!

We are here for u!

Thank you ebony. We want them until my bro and his wife are stable but we cant afford to clothe and feed them all without help and my sister in law is not using the resources she receives for them to help us. she will bring a fraction of what the state gives her and even then we have to call a hundred times. I dont want extra money I just want what is theres to go to them fully. Thank you for you input it is valuable. Thank you all I knew I could count on you

Sounds like they are commiting fraud if they are receiving money for the kids, but are not actually caring for them. Tread very carefully, as you do not need to be in the middle of an illegal situation that may come back to bite you later. (Their judgement doesnt sound very responsible and you wouldnt want them to somehow jepardize your husband's status.. I've seen an angry relative make false allegations and bring undo drama and problems) Hope it all works out...for the kids sake.

Eb

did u change your ssn? someone told me that I should once I get married. I was just planning on keeping my original number and just change my name.

anyone else has thoughts on this?

I don't believe you can change the number...only your name.

Without knowing the specifics to your situation..its difficult to know the answer to your question. I work in Social Services, and there's a difference between obtaining "legal custody" and "foster care" Foster care varies by state, but usually has similar criteria. A child placed into the foster care system has been legally removed from the parent(s) by the state. It has been before a judge and been ruled upon. Usually if the child is removed by the state and placed with a family member it is a "temporary guardianship" for a period of time. If the family wishes to have permanent guardianship then it must go before the judge again. Usually there is no financial compensation for family placement. Foster families are licensed by the state and must adhere to the regulations and requirements in order to be certified to care for foster children. They receive a modest monthly payment for the care they provide.

If you mean can you apply for "public assistance" to care for the children...then that is another issue. I would assume that if they are legally yours, they would be considered dependents...and if you need public assistance to care for them, then it would not meet the requirements of the affidavit of support, and you would need a co-sponser. (I don't think public assistance payments would be enough to meet the level for 9 family members)

I hope this helped...You would really have to find out the laws for your state, and also what the public assistance payment would be for 7 kids. I would suggest being careful tho..Getting a co-sponser would be your best bet I think.

Good Luck,

Eb