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JASONandDAA

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Posts posted by JASONandDAA

    Lets Make A Story

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    Once upon a time in the land of peanut butter and jelly lived pedro and chuck norris who were friends who met in a pride parade that was filled with firemen and EMTs. To everyones surprise during the chorizo with beans celebration, some gay sheep appeared out of nowhere and started to dance the Samba. THis made Pedro and Chuck blush like little schoolgirls ashamed because they had no rythm and couldn't dance. And so, the duo decided to to take dance classes. Richard Simmons was the instructor and Nessa and Amber were their cheerleader. They all wore short-shorts and had crazy curly hair. One day they received a phone call from Oprah to make a guest appearance on the topic of who dances better sheep or cloned goats that graze along the hillside. But at the last minute the topic was changed to who is pedro and chuck? Nobody knew that they were famous carne assada lovers that were only faking to know anything about the Samba. As part of the show, they had to cook carne assada, which was a problem. Cuz there was no carne available to buy anywhere in the entire coutry. This called for a trip to the land of carne assada plus sides of veggies and bread. But when they got there they found out that all the carne there was infested w/ vaca loca disease....so back to the land of peanut butter and jelly.

    Once home they decided to become vegetarian and only have friends who like the rainbow colors. All was well until Chuck developed a severe allergy to PB&J. He couldn't even be near people like NEssa that were addicted to PB cuz he would get sick. So he set out for the land of chocolate covered garlic balls, where he heard there was a cure for his ailment. But they noticed that in the land of chocolate covered garlic balls people wore no clothes. Again he was faced with the dillema: should I stay or should I go? The answer to became clear when his bud Pedro showed up one day. They made love under the stars and Pedro finally proposed. They then called Oprah back to see if she could be a candidate for President of the United States and finally legalize gay marriage. Oprah was all for it because she had fallen for Hillary and really needed gay marriage legalized.

    Oh my now Hillary had announced she changed parties. She had became a conservative republican, and was secretly lusting after Mel Gibson, with his sexy blue eyes. But what to do w/ her existing "sexy blue eyes"? Turns out that Mel wanted no part of it cause she looks like a man. So Hillary in an desperate attempt to gain attention, pulls off her wig !! And then she takes off her fake teeth, and yells: I'm ready wheres the beef? But nobody hears her, they're concentrating on Mel in a kilt. Mad she grabs the blow-horn, points it under Mel's kilt and blows. All the women chanting go silent at the sight of what was under Mel's kilt. You see there was nothing to see!!!! Which answered that age old question: Are we blind, or is there nothing out there to see?

    So back to Chuck and Pedro, who were still trying to find someone to marry them. But, then they thought why not ask Jim Mcgreevey he's dealt with this stuff before. Wearing kilts themselves now they were starting a new trend. When out of nowhere, came Mr. Rogers wearing a kilt and chanting some type of song...."Wont you please... Please wont you be my lover..."

    Pedro didnt like the extra attention and challenge for Chucks affection and knew he had to do something about it. No one was going to take the azz that was rightfully his away from him!

    The next day, Pedro woke up bright and early and drove down to the local Blue Oyster Cafe to get cream for their coffee but little did he know that the cream was actually fresh, warm, and straight from the source. Of course, some things are better left unsaid so the Cafe owner didn't tell and Pedro didn't ask.

    Sipping his coffee with cream (he noticed the subtle difference in taste - why is it so salty?), he pondered how to eliminate the competition. Next stop? The local gun shop where his attention was quickly captured by an antique children's double barreled "pop" gun, complete with both corks. Being the hopelessly clueless amateur that he is, of course, he had no idea it was a children's gun. He looked around for assistance and standing in the corner, in a pair of hot pink daisy dukes that would look amazing on Jessica Simpson, stood there thinking, "humm ... air forces the corks out of the barrels ... wonder what would happen if I substituted the corks with .... and his mind wandered once again. His 4th grade teacher was right. He would never amount to anything. Maybe he would even lose Chuck's affections, but that wasn't on his mind anymore. His mind was now wandering to an event that happened, in a gun shop just like this, when he was 16 years old...

    He was straight back then. Or still in the closet. Whatever. He was dating this girl, who, in hindsight, looked awfully masculine. Her daddy owned the gun shop and they were both in the back studying for their PSATs, when an embarrassing thing happened, an accidental discharge in the front of the store. Pedro and his little lady ran to see what happened, when Pedro saw something that would change his life forever. He saw prime Chuck. But no, that wasn't it. It was what was parked on the busy roadway (with the expired meter) right next to him. It was a Tata Nano. Pedro burst out laughing. Suddenly, he had grasped what others called humor. It was like a child learning to talk for the first time. Pedro had just learned to laugh.

    But back to the present. Other, more important, matters remain unresolved. There was retribution to be had. And he was hungry, too. When he arrived home with the gourmet cream ... He ate the whole container while thinking, what am I going to do? Then it came to him... I know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna...

    Do what my I always do when I am anxious and irritated, so he put on his toga, lit his special candels, waxed his chest and began chanting, dont you wish your girlfriend was hot like me...when suddenly he heard.........Bill Clintons famous last words or atleast he thought he heard I did not have sexual relations with this girl....however it was a memory of age 14 and getting caught by Susie Q's father at Kelsie's bar and grill...they were in his car and he swears they were only kissing and stuff, but try telling that to Susie Q's father who had been out with his skiddah for the better part of an hour and was not the least bit happy to see his lil Susie half-dressed in a car w/this boy...anywho...back to the present...he was feeling a lot better and pumped to face his next challenge when there was a knock on his door. Pedro peeked out the window. Goddamnit, the FBI is here again. What do they want now? Tacos it must be the same issue as before...when will these people leave me alone...so he hurried up and got dressed and decided he better answer the door....when he realized it was not the FBI but the Victoria's Secret modeling agency, Pedro quickly put on his pink scarf and soccer jersey and his favorite pair of heels and then grabbed his modeling portfolio to present to them.

    His chance to become famous was right in front of him, when all of the sudden he wakes up. It was all a dream. He notices his pants were only kilts as before. He hears a noise.. . Could it be that Chuck is back, or is it a burglar? Afraid it could be a burglar, he grabs his baseball bat and hide in the bathroom.

    Waiting quietly he now begins to peek out of the bathroom to see that the three chimpanzees that live next door were coming in with their....

    What is the weirdest food you ate in SE Asia?

    in Asia: East and Pacific

    Posted

    I hope some of these stories can take our minds off the darker side of life.

    Hands down, the weirdest thing I ate in Vietnam was a raw, still-beating snake heart. That, like most weird things women over there like to make you eat, it supposed to be good for "men's health."

    My wife is from Malaysia and keeps saying "you made me eat cheese while I was in the US so I'm going to make you eat Durian when you come to KL" :blush:

    I LOVE DURIAN!!! It's the stinkiest fruit on the earth, but it hardly tastes like it smells...really!!

    The Say Anything Thread

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    :lol: all the smoke is gone now. I wonder what is was from?

    oh :lol: I forgot to add something that I found quite hilarious last night. my sister's friend came over and had 2 black eyes. her ex bf's gf beat her up. we were trying to figure out how this little stick girl beat up a girl who weighs probably 40-50lbs more...the girl beat her up while she was passed out drunk :lol:

    Ow...UFC!!! :lol: Thank you, needed some laughs today!

    Why are Clowns Scary?

    in Off Topic

    Posted

    To me, clowns aren’t funny. In fact, they’re kinda scary. I’ve wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus and a clown killed my dad.

    - Jack Handy

    Ahhh! I was going to post that! Love it.

    Still makes me laugh....everytime!! :lol:

    And another I-134 question

    in US Embassy and Consulate Discussion

    Posted

    I still have some time, but by the time I reach my interview, 3 months of 2007 and about 6-8 months of 2008 will be all I have for income evidence in the last three years.

    I had spent three years in Thailand, about half of it as a Buddhist monk, the other half just traveling around.

    So, the only evidence of income I will have is- a letter from my employer, a tax return from 2007 that shows only 3 months of working ( I returned from Thailand in Sep 2007), and the first half of 2008, so there will be pay stubs, but no income tax return...again.

    So, I guess my question is, will this be enough evidence (I am fortunate to have good enough work that brings us well above the poverty line), or should I get a sponsor?

    Thank you so much for any help...PEACE :alien:

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