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I don't know where I want to go but here are my requirements:

1) no cooking area where I would be expected to even prepare so much as a cup of coffee

2) no laundry facilities whatsoever so that I'm not tempted to do even a load of whites

3) 24/7 room service available

4) shady spot on both the beach and the poolside where I can sit and read my books

5) spa on site where I can go for a daily 1 hour deep tissue massage

6) sound of ocean HAS to be heard from my room

7) plenty of activities for tweens that they will actually want to go to giving hubby and me some alone time

8) no phone service so that no one can get ahold of me at all

My sweet/crazy husband called me last night to tell me he booked a ticket for me to meet him in Morocco this weekend

so we can travel home together on the 24th. It's been 6 weeks since I've seen him so I am very excited. He has planned for us to stay in a resort with what sounds like all of the things you listed above. Nothing like last minute.

Maybe it would be possible to have it done in a doctor's office at infancy and still have the party and whatever religious ceremony might go along with it? Perhaps there is a Muslim pediatrician nearby who could suggest a compromise that your husband would accept.

My sister-in-law (in Morocco) took her son to a clinic to have it done by a doctor (her son was 18 months old-still too old in my opinion) and then they had the huge celebration later...catering, a DJ, dancing, SIL changed dresses many times, her son was dressed in a little outfit with a Fez hat (sooooooooo cute), video guy, etc. Those celebrations wear me out just sitting there and watching them.

I have a cat question... has anyone heard of a cat being addicted to a bathtub? Our 4month old kitten Alex just loves the tub! The cat waits for us to finish and will sit on the toliet seat. Then will jump into the tub when the water is going down and prances around, I could get him out so many times but he goes right back to it. Or even when the tub is dry I find him constantly jumping in the tub?! Bizarre! anyone have any idea why this cat has to do this !?

Very normal! We had a kitten that liked to get into the bath water with my daughter! It would just walk around and was completely amazed at it all. All the other cats I've had love the bathtub especially right after we've taken a bath or a shower or if there is a drip. They could spend a good part of their day watching a faucet drip.

My husband's sister had her son circumcised at a clinic and it was done by a doctor last summer. He was about 18 months I think. My husband was 4 or 5 when he went through it. I cannot even imagine at that age!

(((((((allousa))))))) You're a strong woman. You're doing GREAT especially having gone through all that you have.

DM - allousa has said that the passport was taken from her FIL and sealed in an envelope that was given to the pilot to give to the German officials. The passport has not been returned to her FIL yet.

DM and rebeccajo - I understand that you are both longtime members on this site and do have much experience and knowledge. When giving advice or suggestions, is it given because you care about the person being affected? It appears that the advice is conditional in that it is a requirement that it must be well-received and given thanks.

I've given advice here on various topics and if the person takes the advice or leaves it is no skin off my back. Whether everyone or no one agrees with me is not why I gave the advice in the first place. It was simply what I thought I could offer to someone at that time. If that person benefitted from the info and felt like wanting to know more, I leave it up to them to ask for more if they want more.

If someone commented on my advice, be it good or bad, I'd look to see what was good or bad about it and decide what if anything I felt needed to be changed next time.

It just appears that the advice that you have given has a hidden agenda behind it other than just trying to help a person out after the reactions from you both.

You are both saying that you'd react differently than allousa in her situation (and how can you know until YOU'VE been through it) and that she is 'overreacting'. All I'm seeing from the 2 of you ARE emotional reactions since your initial posts.

There is no right and wrong here as in just about everything. There just is what is and we are all dealing the best we can.

I'm pretty sure you are the one complaining about how much the responses in this thread are bothering you, simple solution, don't read it. My point to you is not regarding what you are saying but there is a time and place for it all. Allousa and her family are still very emotional and judging by her last post, I don't think she really cares to hear any of your advice at this point. Maybe she might want to hear it at one point, but right now she needs support. Why is that so hard for YOU to understand?

I haven't seen any response from allousa since Diaddie furthered her explanation. So why don't we let her decide what she needs to hear and what she doesn't?

Who'd want to come back to this?

Jenn ~ Your dimsum looks awesome! Taking my niece to the movie WALL * E today, anyone see it?

My daughter and I went to see it on Friday. It was kind of slow but still very cute. It didn't help that I had a verrrrrrrrrry long day at work and was ready to fall into bed though. My daughter enjoyed it. Don't forget a sweater for your niece. I always forget how cold those theatres are!

Zaids pics make him look like a "chill dude" in all honesty he is a VERY high maintenance child...

He was laying in his bouncer this morning and I was doing some cleaning, well, i dropped the baby gate and it made a very very loud bang, and the poor baby jumped so high and let out a cry i have never heard before, it was a "im terrified, ####### was that, come hold me" cry...I felt soooo bad!

im still contemplating what i want to do today. I do wanna go to the dunes but, it says its windy and i cant bring zaid if sands gonna be blowin all in his eyes!

Poor little guy!

Yes Zaid looks like he couldn't be happier in all his pics! So did my daughter, but those were literally seconds of happiness. She screamed and cried practically 24/7 for the first 7 months. I tried breastfeeding, switching formulas and nothing worked. I feel for you. It will end eventually, I promise. Although my daughter is still pretty demanding even at the age of 9. At least I know what she's upset about because she's not afraid to tell me.

Keep in mind that his father is 70 and mother 65 and only his father speaks a very small amount of English.

Is it at all possible that your FIL misunderstood a line of questioning in secondary inspection, that precipitated the CBP agents to believe that he was misusing his visa?

Techically, this is expedited removal, rather than deportation, btw.

I don't see how anything her FIL could have said made him deserve that kind of treatment. There is no excuse for that kind of behavior. It is something I would expect of some other countries, but I would like to think we are better than that.

I'm not condoning any harsh punishment, but expedited removal is a privilege afforded border agents to remove aliens that they have reason to believe are either misusing a document, or have counterfeit documents, or are otherwise inadmissible. Placing an alien in detention is customary, albeit, I would not wish to spend the night in jail, I can't imagine being in jail for any reason would be pleasant. The issue here is to find out why the CBP thought her FIL was not entitled to enter. Once that information is ascertained, it may or may not shed light onto whether his treatment was out of ordinary.

The fact that this was their 4th time visiting, I have a hard time understanding what reason they could have come up with to deny him entry. Also, his mother was given entry and they filed for and were granted visas at the same time. Also, the documents they presented to German officials upon entry in were in order. Even the German officials were confused as to why his father was turned away!

I just wonder how you would feel about your father spending a night in jail in a foreign land where he didn't speak the language.

The issue here is also the complete abuse of their authority. Why was it necessary to keep us all detained for such a long period of time when there were no other people being interviewed? Why was it necessary to continually lie to us, yell at us and treat us so harshly? Why was it necessary to not even inform us why his father was being detained and then removed?

How can you deem this "ordinary" treatment???????

Even if a 70 year old man did say something by mistake to incriminate himself, I do not believe US officials of any kind are entitled to mistreat him so badly to the point his mouth was bleeding. I may be mistaken, but aren't law officers under strict guidelines as to how they are to treat criminals?? I know they can use force to bring a criminal under control, but I have a realllllllllllllllllllly hard time believing a 70 year old man was making any officer feel threatened or trying to put up a fight. Even if he was the most-wanted terrorist, I still don't believe they are entitled to abuse him.

I didn't realize that this was their 4th time coming to the states. Unbelievable.

I really do find it confusing. Isn't pride one of the 7 deadly sins? But yet we are always encouraged to be proud of our accomplishments, our country, etc.

I feel that pride is a sin when it is used to make someone else feel less than you or to make someone feel bad period. This was actually a lesson a taught a couple weeks ago to my class of 8 year olds at church. It is considered a sin. Pride is the opposite of humility and humility is one of the greatest attributes a person can have.

I explained to my class that when your parents tell you they are proud of them, that is a good kind of pride. But if they were to go and talk with other parents and brag about how proud they are of their kids because they are so good at whatever to make the other parents feel less than them, then that is bad pride.

To be full of pride and to not be able to admit you are wrong or to just hold onto being right whether you are or not, only creates resentment to those around you.

Yeah....about pride....I always get confused whether it is a good or bad thing. You should be proud of who you are, but pride cometh before the fall....

Is pride a Moroccan thing, an Arab thing or a Muslim thing or a combination of all three???

I agree with your last sentence.

pride i would think is ALL perons thing not a country, place religion, gourp or any of the above, it would be within each person

Yeah....about pride....I always get confused whether it is a good or bad thing. You should be proud of who you are, but pride cometh before the fall....

Is pride a Moroccan thing, an Arab thing or a Muslim thing or a combination of all three???

I agree with your last sentence.

If there were no Moroccans, no Arabs, no Muslims, there would still be pride.

Ummmmmmmmmmm yes I am very well aware of that!!!! There seems to be a lot of pride among Arabs. Sometimes too much.

I didn't post earlier that when we met up with my FIL the next day, he had blood in his mouth. He told us that he didn't even know it was bleeding. I know my FIL will never admit that he was hit in order to protect his sons because I can tell you right now that if any of the brothers knew they put their hands on their father....there would be hell to pay for sure.

This really made me emotional.

I am so sickened. When I told Wadi last night, it really upset him as well.

Thanks for keeping us updated as you get new info...

Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh this is so unbelievable. They hit and pushed around a 70 year old man??????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This doesn't even seem possible that something like that can happen in the US. What an incredible man your FIL is for keeping his dignity through hours of pure h@ll.

My husband comes back on the 24th. I'm beginning to wonder if I should be with him.

Yeah....about pride....I always get confused whether it is a good or bad thing. You should be proud of who you are, but pride cometh before the fall....

Is pride a Moroccan thing, an Arab thing or a Muslim thing or a combination of all three???

I agree with your last sentence.

How frustrating that everything is kept so secretive. How awful to have to travel that far with people staring at you like you're some kind of criminal.

Interesting that the Germans even seemed confused as to why they deported him. You'd think they could of at least given him a reason or even a hint as to why he was deported.

I'm so frustrated for you!!!!!!!!!!

I am so sorry this happened to you and your family. I read this earlier and have been speechless. This seems more like a movie scene than something that could really happen in real life. I can't imagine how it felt to actually have gone through it all. It just doesn't make sense. What the hell were they thinking?????? How is a 70 year old man going to cause the US harm????????? God bless your FIL for saying he was a friend of the US (that's the part in the movie where everyone stands up and cheers).

It just makes me sick to think about how horrific for your FIL to be with these azzholes not being able to communicate with them or to know or understand what the hell was going on. Let alone all of you not knowing what was going on. I don't know if I could have held myself together the way you did and not ended up in jail myself. I'm afraid I would have gone off the deep end.

And for them to say it was a misunderstanding??????? WTH??????????? I would have ended up in jail.

This makes me sick that those people are representing and 'protecting' our country.

I'd call everyone possible; attorneys, police, FBI, all congressmen, every news station, radio station, newspaper, even picket the airport. I hope you have the names of these people or the ability to get them. These people are the LAST people that should have any authority over anyone or anything. If I were closer, I'd go pay them a visit and speak my mind. It's probably a good thing I don't live closer...

On this subject of adjusting i want to ask something a friend is going thru. Her husband is here..things seem to be fine...but he has this obcession to stay on the computer talking to friends and family alllllllll the time. She feels left out and doesnt understand all this when she is there for him, he doesnt understand what is the problem and feels she dont trust him. He seems very bull headed at this point and does not understand and feels she is bossing him etc etc these are his friends that mean so much to him etc etc. She feels he wants to alwasy stay home (on the computer) instead of going out, he feels they are together alllllll the time except for bathroom time....he sees himself as a visitor still and he is sure in a year or two he will adjust and see things better. Any of this sound familar

When my husband first got here he spent time talking with his family on the computer and by phone quite a bit. He really missed them and they REALLY missed him. Then it tapered off and now it's only a phone call about once a week or every other. Then my husband got a job as a software engineer and he'd spend A LOT of time on the computer with work. But he always wanted me to be beside him. We had many discussions about it in the beginning and he wanted me to lay down on the couch and wait for him to go to bed instead of me going to bed alone. I didn't have any doubts that he was working.

If your friend has doubts or a gut feeling that it is something more and her husband is angry towards her when she expresses her feelings, then I'd start wondering what was up. How long has he been here? Ok I just saw that you posted he's been here for a couple of months. He may still be really missing home. I'd give it some more time and have her try giving him some space. He may realize he wants to be around her more than the computer once she's distanced herself from him. Might be worth a try?

Can the MENA babies get any cuter????!!!!!! Yassmine, Tasha, Kelly and Sara you all have such beautiful babies!! You're all adding to my baby fever!

i know its hard now because u life is going to change but once he gets her it will be so exciting. everything will be new to him and ull want to do and show him everything just to see his reaction. kinda like those first steps, first everythings we experience with children. u should have seen how my husband was when i took him to his first amusment park....just like a child, he wanted to ride everything. there was his first experience at the bank...put my check in the tube and the teller on the other end gives me my money back without even leaving the car. there was the first time he ever pumped his own gas too...he just could not figure that out to save his live. things we take for granted was a big adjustment for him. oh just wait...the real fun begins when he gets here.

I have to laugh because mine still can't get over that! He wanted to video tape it to show people back home. He told his brother that people here in America don't want to get out of their cars for nothing!

I haven't comingled a thing yet. Once we went into my bank, which I've been with for over 25 years AND used to work at as both a bank teller while in college and in the acctg dept, to make a simple deposit. It struck me "oh we should add your name to my accounts to make them "ours" since you have your SS number now.

We waited for the customer service person to say come in to her office and I told her I'd like to add my husband to my accounts. She asked for ID so I gave her my license and he gave her his ss card and ead card. She spent several minutes on the computer, didn't look up and said, "he's not even in the system???".

I said, "what system?" and she sighed and said, "the BANK system".

I said "no, he just got here a couple of months ago and just got his ss card a couple of weeks ago.

She took his EAD card then tossed it on the desk towards him and said, "THAT's not even a greencard!!"

I just *looked* at her and said, "is there a problem??" at which point she walked out. She came back and said, "i'll need your passport" and he said "I don't have it on me" and she said "well there's nothing I can do for you"

I won't get into what happened next but she was the rudest sonofabeeeatch and I reported her to the president of the bank and got MANY apologies later.

I haven't re-attempted to comingle funds yet.

I hope you laid into her biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig time bridget! What a rude #####! I have a feeling you took care of her properly but if it had been me, oooooooooooooooooooooooohwheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee she wouldn't have known what hit her!!!!!!!!

As for adding him to your bank account, I would do it as soon as you could (I'd personally ask for her specifically and a supervisor to show her how to properly treat customers the next time). I thought I had prepared myself to a 'T' for the AOS interview and added my husband to all the utility accounts, etc. The only thing they wanted to see were statements from a joint bank account with our names on it at the interview. I told him I had other bills with both our names too and he didn't even want to look at them. I'd highly recommend getting the joint bank account ASAP.

Remember JP, you have family taking care of you pregnant which has got to alleviate alot of whatever stress you have on you. I am the sole support of my family with no one taking care of me having to provide for my husband who is much more of a fish out of water than yours. For you to tell me its completely personality is short changing me as well. I think everything we get is an amalgation of everything the spouse has been through prior to getting here. Leaving a country that has its UN building blown up and daily bombings and kidnappings makes it only equal to Iraq as far as the daily stress level that they deal with. Palestians are also in the same boat, albeit someone in Gaza is living a hell where as Jordan , things are more chill

First off, my family doesn't support us financially nor have they ever. My mom might cook dinner for me or help out with laundry but that doesn't alleviate any stress at all. We have our fair share of stress as well, we just deal with it differently. When my husband arrived, he was just as much a fish out of water as your husband is. I was patient with him, helped him and tried my best to understand his situation. He started working and that was that.

My husband being laid back has NOTHING to do with him being Jordanian because Jordan is well known for having some really high strung men. His personality however is laid back.

You know Wahrania, you aren't the only pregnant hormonal person on this board, but that doesn't give you a license to say whatever the hell you want. You knew your financial situation before you got pregnant didn't you? I knew what mine was and I made the choice to start family. Ultimatly we are all responsible for our choices.

JP I agree with a lot of your points. Wahrania I think I know what you mean about family support. It isn't easy without family support that is for sure. Just the idea of being able to call someone in your family is enough to ease some stress. Family doesn't even have to actually physically or financially help; but to have the peace of mind of being able to pick up the phone and talk something through with family is a calming thought. When you don't have that, and I can relate, there is a whole other feeling of being all on your own. While there are some huge positives that come from literally doing it all on your own (with NO emotional support), there are a lot of scary feelings that have to be managed and that can be quite hard to do.

I often wonder what it would be like to have family support and the peace that must come from it but realize there will never be emotional support from people (my family) who are unable to give it. So I try to focus on building that with my daughter and surrounding myself with supportive people. Give yourself a huge pat on the back for the gift you were given to handle it on your own.

I am just curious....We are having ups and downs which is to be expected....

I noticed my husband is very attached to "things iranian." For example, he has a year planning calender with little Iranian quotes on the margins. He sits a reads and rereads them. A lot of conversations are dominated by the subject of "how Iranian people are, behave."

I won't deny there have been two dramas because he said and did one or two things I found highly insensitive.

(He called me "average looking" when I asked him how I looked and he was stingy on my birthday and bought me 2 flowers after I asked him to, not a full bouqet).

Mine has talked ad nauseam at times about how things/people are back home in Morocco. He was sooooooo ready to go back home to see family and friends after being here for 18 months. He went back 5 weeks ago and has been telling me he's ready to come back home after the first 3 days of being there. He's got 2 more weeks and he'll be back. He swears he won't go back to Morocco for at least 4 years once he gets back home! He now can see Morocco after experiencing the US and sees so clearly the differences and how much better it is to live here. I don't think he'll be too hip on Morocco after this trip. I think it was hard for him being away for the first time (his sister and cousin also passed away a few months ago ) so he was homesick.

I also remember during one of my trips to Morocco one guy at the airport in Casa said he hates coming back to Morocco and every time he swears it will be his last.

I think their attitude changes once they go back home after living here. It's easier for them to see the things that aren't so good about living there.

Also, I've had to explain a lot of my expectations to him and give him hints about things that I want. I've had to explain holidays and what they mean to us too. Once he understands what I expect or understands what to do, he is usually quite happy to follow through. Most of the time if he fell short (to my standards B) ), it's because he didn't quite have a good idea of what he was supposed to do.

There's also been misunderstandings because of language. He says things that mean something different in English than what they do in Arabic. He speaks English quite well but trying to say the same things in English as he would in arabic don't quite make sense and have caused some misunderstandings. I'd ask him what he meant by 'average' because it may have been a quite different meaning to him than it would to us.

With any marriage, the first year is usually the one that has the most adjustments but add to it the cultural, language, and learning curve of a new country and you've got one heck of a lot of adjusting to do on both sides.

Hang in there. Keep focusing on all that is good!

I remember feeling all of the things you're feeling. We also fought a lot right before he came here. He was also busy before he came trying to get all the things done that he wanted to and his family wanted to all see him before he left. It was hard for him leaving his family behind and I know he felt guilty. So he was dealing with those feelings as well as dealing with my feelings of wanting everything to be perfect and so scared if it wouldn't be perfect.

The biggest thing I've learned during that time and still learning presently, are all of the fears that he had/has. I'm not discounting your feelings because believe me, I know how intense they are!!! Please always remind yourself of all the fears that he has. Reverse the roles and imagine yourself leaving the US for another country you've never been to, leaving your family, friends, everything you've ever known, going off to get married and being away from the biggest support system a man could have, his entire family. He's wondering if he'll be accepted by your family, friends, people in general and with the fear of having to speak English full-time.

My husband had heard several stories of men who married in the US and were treated horribly by their wives and left with nothing. Or of men who became alcoholics, etc. because they were so miserable here. He knew it wasn't going to be easy and he had many, many fears of failing.

I can't stress enough to pay close attention to his reactions and look deeper to see if he is reacting out of fear because I'm guessing he is and will for some time to come.

Of course it's hard to know this at the time, but it's so funny how we are always waiting to get through something thinking our problems will go away or will be less when we reach a certain point. It was so exciting to finally get the NOA2 for the K-1 only to worry about when the interview was, then to have the interview only to worry about when he'd get the visa, then sooooooo excited about getting the visa and then worrying about what was to come now that he had the visa. Etc. etc.

Now of course I get to look back and see all the worrying I did do. I wonder how much of my worrying and fears actually led to fights or arguments as well as his fears and worries. Try to focus the best you can on all of the good things that are coming out of all of this. We can all worry ourselves to death about the most horrendous outcomes. We can also think about all of the wonderful times to come and realize how far you two have come and celebrate that.

Fears can tear a relationship apart very quickly. Don't let those fears get in the way of having a wonderful relationship. I'm speaking from experience by the way. I've been there, done all the wrong things and yet we have survived and built a better relationship than I had imagined we could.

When the fears come, recognize them and let them pass by. Focus on the wonderful fiance you have coming and all of the things you want for your future!

Update!! Happy to announce that I received an e-mail notice today that my hubbies EAD has been ordered into production! Hopefully that means that before the month is over he will have it, Social Security Card, and a JOB in hand!!!!

Wish us luck!

$$$$$$$$$Congrats on the EAD$$$$$$$$$$

My mom said she prayed througout her whole pregnancy that she would have the smallest baby she could that was 100% healthy. I was born 2 weeks early and had no problems. The only thing that they noticed was that when you'd lay me down, my ear would flatten out-- my cartiledge wasn't 100% developed-- which isn't a problem, just a sign of being barely premature. Perhaps, JP, you could pray the same prayer

That's definitely one benefit of having them early! Since I've only had one, all I know is what 4 lbs felt like. I remembered a friend told me that as soon as the baby is out, the pain goes away. I was pushing like there was no tomorrow and she was out in 10 minutes! I remember the nurse telling my husband, "She sure seems to know what she's doing. She's tough.". Nooooooooo little did any of them know I just wanted the pain to end!

AWWWWW JP, I had enough of that summer pregnancy. My oldest was born in November and it was hot enough without being at my biggest. I agree, summer birthdays are so much easier to plan!!! Hang in there girl!

Maybe someone will just magically make the next 7.5 weeks fly by.

OK same lecture in one hour! Dont wish time in your life away! When is the next time you will be coddled by your mom and grandma? From 7.5 weeks from now on, you will be the one doing all of the coddling for the rest of your life lol! So just relax and ENJOY it.

jp...trust me, it may not feel like it but the next 7.5 weeks WILL fly by...

thats true too - or she could have her baby early! I had my first at 36 weeks (and he was 8lbs!). My second had to be INDUCED! He is a year now and still just as stubborn.

She could have hers early. I only went to one birthing class because by the time the next one came, I had given birth! She came 8 weeks early and weighed 4 lbs. She was in the NICU for 3 weeks and that was a complete nightmare. Still don't know why she was early. I would have given anything to have known what it was like to carry her to full term!!