coolred38

My mom married my step dad, white american, when I was 2...he spent the next 16 years making all our lives miserable with emotional and physical abuse. I escaped him and went into the military. I met my future husband there, arab, and spent the next 20 years being emotionally and physically abused by him. I got soooo damned angry with myself when a few years into my marriage I realized I had married my father and hell if I could figure out how that happened. I swore I would never allow myself to be in such a relationship....and there I was. It lasted 20 years because the laws in this country did not favour divorced foreign wives regarding children who are married to nationals. Basically I stayed married so I wouldnt lose my kids. Now I am divorced(laws changed) but am plagued with guilt that I have role modeled my daughters to believe that an abusive relationship is normal...and that my sons have learned that an abusive husband/father is normal.

The cycle of abuse must stop somewhere...I hope its not too late for my kids.

We Muslims seem determined to take every bit of color and joy out of the world that God made for us by making absolutely everything that has the least amount of enjoyment and entertainment haram....has anyone ever considered that the prophet forbade tatoos back in the day because a great many arabs had tribal type tatoos back then and the prophet was trying to get rid of the "tribal mentality" concept. We are from God, we are Muslims, we should not be owned and marked with tribal affiliation. He was trying to change the "Im from a certain tribe so Im better than you" thinking and to do that he made tatooing disliked....then again if you dont care much for hadeeth then it makes little difference.

Great list....

Ive got a few ideas that would be nice(I hope)

1. dont speed...imagine the carnage you may cause

2. signal before switching lanes...imagine the chain reaction you may set off by abruptly jumping in front of someone

3. make sure break lights are working properly...nuff said

4. stop to help someone having car trouble...be aware of your personal safety at all times though

5. wear your seat belt and be sure others in your car do too if you care about them ...that carnage thing again

6. dont jump red lights...the life you save may be your own

7. stop and let others pass if the road is jammed...dont jam it more by blocking the way

8. dont sweat the small stuff...dont let other drivers inconsiderate actions lead you to road rage

9. do not distract yourself from driving by talking on the phone, looking in the mirror, fiddling with the radio, beating the kids(lol) or reading the paper...once again....carnage. It only takes a second for the rest of your life to be changed forever.

10. Last but not least....make sure your car is in proper running order...dont be a menace to others on the street with fumes and noise

I know these are all driving related but I see the daily struggle to survive on the roads with other peoples inconsiderate and sometimes downright dangerous driving and I thank God everyday when I get home with car and limbs intact. drive safe.

They dont vote cause they know the current king, dictator, military leader who couped his way into power....will do exactly as he wants regardless of how it affects his people....

That pic of "angry Muslim guy" seems to pop up everwhere...does he have a business card or something?

smorgasboard-alicious

Theres a difference between something being haram(absolutely forbidden) and disliked....several of the things in your list of haram deeds are mentioned as being disliked and should be avoided if possible...but not necessarily haram. Also, many of those things mentioned are in hadith and not necessarily in the Quran....not meaning they dont matter...just pointing that out.

People seem to forget that Arabs and Jews got along well enough throughout history(the usual amount of controversy as any other 2 sets of people) right up until Jews decided someone elses land might look good with a settlement on it.....a Jewish settlement....there were no suicide bombers, car bombs, molotov cocktails, kidnappings, rock throwing etc until the Jews became the Aggressors rather than the Victims.....I do believe I read somewhere that those early Jews were not above using bombs etc to get their toehold started in the early days...also...when you have been made a victim all your life empathy for other victims seems rather obvious....and yet the whole "empathy for other victims" thing has apparently blown right over the heads of all Israelies who think they have a right to Palestinian land and to hell with how the local residents feel about it.

If, for arguments sake, all Jews were forced to leave Palestianian land(therefor Israel itself) where would they go...who would take them in? Can we say there is a country or piece of land on this planet that would seriously consider allowing those new found refugees to settle there knowing the history of Israel and how the Jewish people who originally created it got it and what they did to get...I dont even think Americans or America would agree to that...but I could be wrong.

"For every one child the US has killed by accident",

btw when you invade a country and start blowing the place up...there are no accidental deaths...

Thanks for the answers

Of course they were happy....nobody likes to be ruled by a cruel dictator....but then they liked it even less when a the foreigners stuck around long after the bad guy was gone....and the resulting chaos ensued.

I apologize for generalizing what all americans think....but from my personal experience talking to those americans that i do meet....they pretty much fit the bill of the "nothin but america matters" group. Those that arent are the exceptions.....not the norms. Im really very glad when I meet americans that are enlightened or are married to a foreigner....gives one hope that we arent a lost cause to self deceit and self proclaimed moral superiority.

As an american living overseas I really get tired of hearing my fellow americans whine about the "poor us everyone hates us and all we do is try to help them" mentality....its really idiocy to assume that what the US govt is doing in various parts of the world is solely to 'help" the nationals in that country. Wake up and smell the greenbacks.

If you are an american, born and bred, fed on a diet of american tv, news and media in general....not to mention an education that barely hits on other cultures and histories...and if you've never so much as traveled outside your country for a week in france....then you my friend, have NO IDEA what the rest of the world thinks of america and americans....and this is a fact. Our media does not tell us really what other countries and its people really think of us...all our media tells us is that we are there to help them and they are resisting cause they are backward people and dont know whats good for them....we will drag them kicking and screaming into the New Millinia if we have to destroy every last bit of culture and history they have....

If an American had the opportunity to talk to a real live Iraqi, Saudi, Bahraini....any Arab or Muslim from some other country for that matter....I bet you will not find it easy to find one that says "I hate america and americans cause they have money and we dont....or cause they have freedom and we dont....or cause they are immoral in all ways and we arent"....what you will find time and again are people that are disgusted with Americas foreign policy and its unfair treatment of all others....and then how it deals with Israel(always comes back to that). These people are wearing our clothes. listening to our music, watching our movies, driving our cars, dreaming about the American dream and wishing it was theirs too.....but mention our govt to them and suddenly the eyes go hard, the words are clipped, and anger comes boiling out.

We cant just say...whats good for America is all that matters cause the world is shrinking and nobody is selfcontained little country or continent anymore....everyone is a neighbor to someone or just a click of a mouse or remote control button away...there is no excuse for the ignorance americans in general have about the rest of the world....why do so many americans thinks "only america" matters.....it doesnt matter nearly as much to other people that we are trying to impose our way of life on....just ask them and see what they say.

im curious if any soldiers in Iraq actually get the chance to talk to the locals and get a true understanding of how they feel....what they would probably find is bewilderment and confusion as to why a country on the other side of the planet with a completely different culture and history has landed right smack dab in the middle of them and tried to "clean the place up and make it all democratic and american like"....those people arent american and will never be american and my guess would be they dont want to be american....they are just as proud of being Iraqis as we are of being americans so why would they willingly submit to this "makeover"....it probably confuses them even more when they remember that the US govt helped Ol Saddam back in the day and had no problem with his heavy handed approach to running his country....matter of fact the US gave him alot of support to run it just the way he liked....so why the all the drama now? Explain that adequately to the Iraqi's...to the Arabs....to the Muslims and see if it makes them a little more willingly to submit to this..."we will bomb you and change you until you look, act, speak, and run your country just like us" in other words...until your docile and under our political and financial control.

Americans got to wake up and realize that its not all about us....we share this planet with a few billion other people...we are not its Warlords, its World Police and certainly not its Unofficial Dictators.

When I married my ex in the states he came home to his country then 4 months later I came over....I got a temp visa at the airport then he changed it to a residents visa sponsored under his name(this is what foreign wives or husbands have to do to live here)....every 2 years it has to be renewed....no big deal. 12 years ago we decided to go try life in the states so I went to the embassy and filled out some paperwork for his visa and green card(collected some relevant documents too)....one little interview and a few weeks later he had both and off we went.....so Im reading these threads and it all sounds so time consuming and complicated and Im wondering is that something new because of 9/11 or because of personal circumstances(how you met and married etc)....I mean, was it easy for us just cause we had been married 8 years by then or what?

Just curious about it all.

I never took his name(and happy then and now that I didnt) and nobody ever suggested that i should...in Islam, especially among Arabs you stick with your fathers/family name...who you came from is very important to Arabs. To this day people (the nationals/arabs) ask me if my fathers name was....my last name....makes me laugh....some of you might know that among arabs your second name is always your fathers name so they always think my last name is my fathers first name.....if you knew what it was you would giggle too

My flaming red hair gave me much grief when I was young....people seem to find something irritating in my red hair and went quite out of their way to think up unkind things to say about it....so much so that I thought God really must not like me all that much to curse me with red hair. One day my gramps told me to think of my hair as "cool" and something the other kids were jealous of rather than as an affliction of sorts....thus "Coolred" was born....the 38 is my current age(gasp)....where does the time go?

Speaking from my personal experience married to an arab and living here for 20 years I find that a great many men from here who marry foreign women present oneself to that woman before marriage and then present something totally different after marriage. Most women who meet their arab boyfriend meet him in another country other than his own...and so they see the person he is when his family and friends are not watching him...this means that he might drink, smoke, play the field so to speak while abroad...but once he's back home he's back to being the strict Muslim guy everyone knows...this also means that much of the fun and many of the things he accepted his girlfriend to do previously no longer is accepted now that she is his wife. How many foreign women here are living miserable lives because the guy they married in their country is not the guy they are married to now....he bears little resemblence and suddenly finds the ability to compromise impossible. It happens and its very sad. Thats not true of all marriages Im sure but far too many to make one be anything other than jaded about the whole process.

To the ladies here who say that they have discussed it all before marriage and its all settled....I sincerely and truly hope that it all works out for you...a happy marriage is hard to come by these days it seems....but always be aware that people are not always the same after marriage as before....and thats particularly true of Arabs.

Also for the poster that said "he prefers i wear hijab/niqab but is leaving it up to me"....if he has made it known that he prefers you to wear it then chances are it will be a hot issue between you until you do wear it....he means what he says...he wants you to wear it....the choice may be yours right up until the moment its not....not saying its true for everyone but Ive seen it happen time and time again.

One more thing...Arab men are extremely jealous creatures....usually that jealousy comes out at the most unlikely of places...smile at the guy bagging your groceries and the fight could be on....mention a guys name that you ran into and had a chat with that day with and the fireworks might fly...seriously you never know what sets off the jealousy radar....and to make it even more rediculous...you are not allowed to be jealous of him because he is a man and can do as he pleases.....you probably think this a bitter ex speaking(and to some extent your right) but Im also speaking from the experience of other women speaking to me over a span of 20 years...always the same stories....always the same kind of beginning and same miserable outcome.

What Im saying is that you need to learn about his culture inside and out....learn about his family life and what is accepted within it and what wasnt....learn about his religion because after marriage it will be much more important to him then it was before marriage....and totally learn about his feelings regarding kids cause thats the huge hangup for many mixed religious/culture couples. Do your homework ladies....do extra credit assignments too if you can cause you need all the info you can get and then some.

I hope every single marriage mentioned on this site is a successful happy committed one....with trust, patience, and compromise the 3 leading characteristics....God bless every union and keep a watchful eye over you all.....

As a former Christian I find that the month of Ramadan is similar to the lead up to Christmas....everyone strives to be more friendly, helpful, polite....we watch what we say, see or do more carefully and its generally just a really pleasant time.....i think thats why we all miss Ramadan so much when its gone....for some Muslims it means they "dont have to behave anymore"....very sad. Anyhow, my favorite thing is sitting in the mosque waiting for the taraweea prayers to start....its peaceful and everyone is reading the Quran or doing dhikr or praying....I feel really spiritual in the mosque and it quiets the restless feeling I always have in my heart, my mind....helps me relax and think about nothing except my deen and my future(and the past year...sigh).

I pray that everyone here has a pleasant and productive Ramadan....that you accomplish your fasting with a good spirit and plenty of patience and that you come out the other side of the month with a feeling of cleanliness and renewed vigor for your deen. Insh Allah.

Alhamdulilah

We dont need to look at hadeeth to get an accurate picture of how the prophet treated his wives....we've got quite a few reliable hisotrical texts floating around the globe at this very moment. I imagine those writers did not rely exclusively on hadeeth to formulate an approximate lifestyle of the prophet...

Also, why do people who do speak arabic always tell people who dont speak or read arabic that they will NEVER truly understand the Quran cause they dont understand arabic.....meanwhile Arab Scholars who do speak and read and apparently comprehend arabic dont always agree on what it says in the Quran either....so whats up with that? The ayat that refers to "beating" has been debated for eons over whether it means to beat or something else...and thats by arabs who know arabic and dont have any language barriers or comprehension downfalls Im assuming.....so its not knowing the language that should be a sign of imcomprehension ....but not understanding Gods Mercy and Forgiveness and constant guidance in all things Fair and Equitable.

Not because scores of scholars before us all "agreed" that an ayat means something....means they are right and we are wrong...after all only God knows what God REALLY means....and dont forget....just because a whole group of people believe one thing and just one guy believes something else doesnt mean the one guy is automatically wrong....brings to mind that interesting dude that claimed the world was round when everyone else was believing it was flat....he was threatened with death by the clergy of the CHURCH unless he recanted his beliefs.....sometimes you just believe what you believe no matter what the herd mentality is telling you is true.... And in the end God knows best.

I grew up in Wyoming....how many times have I been talking to fellow Americans and for them to ask me..."is that in America?"....no lie.

I do find that living in a foreign country there are two types of Americans(dont know about other nationals)...the kind that expects all the arab nationals over here to speak english and act less arab to make the americans life easier....and the kind that embraces the differenct culture and finds it exciting and something worth learning about. In the beginning I was the first but that was very limiting and didnt make me many friends....once I became the second kind life got a little more interesting....

How is it that our religion is considered the religion of Peace and the religion of the Middle Path(not extreme and not too lax) and yet so many Muslims believe its also the religion that promotes stoning, chopping of hands, and beating of wives(and by proxy moms, sisters and daughters). How can you believe these behavoirs are sanctioned by an All Merciful God and a prophet that clearly loved the woman he was surrounded by and promoted forgiveness at every opportunity?

We can believe that the prophet was the best example Muslims should follow and when there are hadith that illustrate this particular sort of good behavoir or "Islamic like" behavoir then it matters little whether the hadith is sound or not....its worth following based on good sound Muslimlike behavoir....but if there are unIslamic ike hadith that promote unMuslimlike behavoir then I dont care if it supposedly came straight from the prophets mouth...that aint Islam and that aint what a Muslim is.....we have no obligation to follow those sorts of hadith no matter its rating.

Funny someone mentioned the "infamous beat" ayat.....ironic that the prophet never hit any of his women...when he got into such a state of misery with them that he couldnt take their behavoir anymore HE LEFT THEM FOR ONE WHOLE MONTH....he did not resort to beating them.....and Muslims go on and on about how he is the best example to follow and yet clearly do not feel obligated to follow his good behavoir concerning his wives in this particular instance. Why would God promote love and companionship....calling your spouse your garment and "soft place to land" in times of harship etc....and then turn around and give permission to beat them if they get out of hand.....wheres the Mercy and Forgiveness in that and how does that foster good will and a return to peace in the house? Just a thought.

Also, please list the hadeeth that give a exact run down of how to pray from start to finish please....Im waiting. Our prophet said "pray as you SEE me pray"....which indicates that we should follow visually and learn to pray watching other Muslims pray....which is exactly how Muslims learn to pray....nobody learns to pray by reading hadeeth....nobody.

This is the first time my kids are all scattered in different schools...and one is off to college...she starts in a few days....everyone else started today. Back to carpools and last minute forgotten homework. This is the first year since my first kid that I have....no husband(divorced this year)...a job(so wont be home when they arrive)...and extra worries(wondering what they are doing at home that they shouldnt be doing )

I hope everyone has a safe and happy "first" this school year.

It clearly states in the Quran that those found guilty of zina that are NOT married....get half the punishment of those that are married....in which case, half the amount of flogging. And those that accuse wrongfully get flogged as well.

It also says that only "adulterers can marry adulterers"....how could they marry if they are dead from stoning? There is no stoning punishment for adultery...God says punish them with flogging then if they repent accept them back into the community....how can they repent if they are dead from stoning? Its all there in black and white if people would stop being blinded by hadeeth that sooooo contradict the Mercy and Forgiveness of God in the Quran.

We are commanded to live with People of the Book(ahl al Kitab) as our brothers and sisters in religion....as communities that follow a devine revelation from God....we can marry them, enter business deals with them, be allies with them, eat their food etc.....God requires us to remember God at ALL times and especially when sitting down to eat food that He provided for us. Halal food is food that God is mentioned over before consuming....America is considered a Christian nation...their food is halal for us....but we must follow Islamic guidelines in consuming it.....try as much as possible to be aware where it came from(obviously dont buy it from a truck parked on the corner)....clean and prepare it with hygiene in mind and mention Gods name over it before eating it. Why would God go through the trouble of mentioning that He made Islam easy for us....and then lay down strict rules that could very well be impossible for the ordinary layman to follow...does God expect all Muslims to be slaughtering their own food out back by the woodshed? Also, making meat "halal" in the shops seems to have given some Muslims the opportunity to charge exhorbant prices....sounds like a license to profit at Muslims expense...wheres the halal in that? Just a thought.

I guess my marriage to a Muslim/Arab man was the exception as he fullfilled just about every stereotype there is of the Muslim/Arab man....I am thankfully divorced(since jan) and managed to keep all my kids with me even though I still live in his country. I think every marriage no matter who or where the two partners come from....still has only a 50/50 chance of making it....it sucks when one side is determined to make it as miserable as possible from the onset. I truly am happy when I see happily married couples(from wherever) as that gives me hope that not all marriages are made in Hell....

Good luck to every couple on here....may you be blessed with patience, compassion, and the everlasting ability to "not sweat the small stuff"

"these views of Islam do not phase the majority of millions and millions of muslims around the world, and will continue to practice Islam the way we did before the emails, the notions, the new revelations...that keep trying to pop up."

Its a well known fact that illiteracy was the main factor in much of the practice of culture that passes for Islamic practice that we have today....Muslims in the past couldnt read...or if they could they couldnt get their hands on a Quran as there werent massed produced copies flooding the world back then....and so the handful of scholars and laymen that could read and write had a virtual empty slate(peoples minds) to work with....they could say that anything was Islam and hadeeth and therefore a "must" and who could object to that?....very few. And so now we have a lot of cultural practice masquerading as Islamic practice that has no merit or basis in the Quran and yet Muslims will defend their right to believe and practice it and claim the rest of us are inventing something new....the only reason much of this "new practice" is coming to light now(1400 years later) is because the Quran is massed produced and easy for everyone to read...the Net is available and easy to access....brains are open to researching and finding the truth and not just blindly being lead....but in the end...."to you your religion and to me mine"....as God so eloquently spoke in the Quran. Have a nice day.

confused808

What exactly do you want proof of concerning my previous post? All you have to do is look at any collection of hadeeth books....especially ones concerning women that are derogatory in nature, and see the rating it has.

Some Muslims feel that every single word that came out of the prophets mouth was divine revelation...but obviously that is not fact because not only does he seek guidance from his wives, the sahaba etc in religious matters(if he already had all the answers why seek guidance)....but God also rebukes him in the Quran and threatens him if he was to add his own words to the revelation(meaning that it was possible for him to do so)...this tells us that Only the Quran is from God and cant be changed....even by the prophet....and that not every word out side the Quran was revelation or he wouldnt be rebuked or need to seek guidance from others....hadeeth are man made and thus subject to corruption...period. Why is that so hard for some Muslims to understand? Hadeeth are useful if they backup the Quran...if they do not...if they contradict it...if they take away a right that the Quran gives us then we must disregard it because our prophet had no right to take away or add anything to our deen....his only job was to convey the message and lead by example.

The interesting thing about Islam is that there is no "pope" figure...no clergy sending down religious edict from on high that every Muslim MUST follow....there is nothing and nobody standing between each believer and God...we must hold ourselves accountable for what we ultimately believe and practice....would you rather put your trust and eternal soul in the hands of God and the Quran which will never lead you astray....or in manmade hadeeth that obviously fall far short of that? Wheres the choice really? Just a thought.

If anyone has taken the time to read the history of hadeeth they will realize the absolute controversy surrounding them.....not to mention the plain fact that there are soooo many contradictory towards each other and towards the Quran. God said to follow the prophet in matters regarding the Quran as THAT is the word of God...hadeeth are man made and thus fallible....doesnt matter if scores of scholars got cricks in their necks going over mountains of hadeeth.....in the end they are just an old version of the chinese whisper game....there is no "scientific proof" that our prophet said even a single one of those hadeeth....God does not protect hadeeth...only the Quran.....that is the only peice of text we can 100% depend and rely on as having no corruption and is infallible. Hadeeth are useful in their way(some) but the Quran is our guidance first and last and always.

btw regardless of how hadeeth are rated(strong, weak, fabricated) makes no difference because Muslims hold just as strongly to the weak and fabricated ones as they do the strong ones....sometimes even more. Just about all hadeeth regarding women that are derogatory in nature or detract from her and her rights in any way are considered weak or fabricated but Muslims hold on to those ones even stronger than most others....why is that? God and the Quran lifts the status of women up to new heights....many many hadeeth bring her slammin back down to the ground...with even more restrictions than previously noted....very sad.....and thats cause scores of scholars spent their WHOLE lives bent over hadeeth and decided the prophet really didnt like women as much as God or the Quran(or even some other hadeeths) made out that he did.....by allowing such "hadeeth" to exist and to record, sanctify and canonize them for future Muslims for eons to come. Again....very sad for Muslims in general and Muslim women in particular. Just a thought.