bostonparis

Seriously, if you feel that you were forced to rush into marriage and you would prefer NOT to be married, is the outlook for your marriage predictable the best? The initital elements - rush, resentment, an act against values - don't bode well, logically.

Is this what you are arguing FOR?

Actually, what I am arguing for is that we be allowed to live with our SOs as we wish, not as Immigration dictates. However, that will never happen!!

ETA: I WANT to get married, and I can't wait to be married, FYI.

Right. The "type of person" who would live with a partner outside of marriage is probably more likely to be willing to leave a bad marriage. Or, conversely, one could say that the "type of person" who would not live with a partner outside of marriage might be more likely to stay in a bad marriage.

How about the type of person who is adverse to marriage is more likely to create a bad marriage, then leave?

I would imagine that a person who is averse to marriage would be LESS likely to go into a marriage unless they were DOUBLY certain that it is the right thing for them to do.

Okay, so if a couple has lived together first, then marry, they are more likely to divorce? So they've done both. Who's to say that if they didn't get married, they would have stayed together?

As far as divorcing, I plan to never be without him once he comes here. I don't want to spend one more night away from him. Ever.

Happy New Year!

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

Arguably, it can go either way.

On the "sex before marriage" thread, I posted studies done with cohabiting couples. Their rate of divorce is higher than average because they are most likely to be among those who do not plan to commit. Also, it has been found that in cohabiting couples, one is usually more committed than the other, and that one is only settling for cohabitation because that;s the best they can get from their partner.

If they're cohabitating, they're not married, therefore they cannot divorce. So how can the divorce rates be higher?

Implying that lack of a burning desire to get married means fear of commitment is one way to look at it. Although, those of us who actually experienced that know better.

Exactly! I think some people feel that if they don't marry their partner, there's always a fear that they'll walk away. And I think that is the kind of person that feels marriage is a necessity for a committment. But does that show insecurity in a relationship?

"Marriage and committment aren't the same thing" is an opinion, so we disagree. If you're ready to commit, why not marry instead of being able to walk away?

Why not stay because you want to? Who says you can't walk away even if you're married? It's easier to get a divorce than it is to marry someone from another country!

If that is so, than marriage can't be so bad since divorce is so easy.

I don't understand your point. I never said marriage was bad. I've already done it twice. I'm going to do it a third time, so clearly I'm still an advocate of marriage. But I don't understand your point of "marriage can't be so bad since divorce is so easy."

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

I have to say, I don't think too many people on this message board are looking for an "easy out". This isn't the easiest way to get married!!

That's true if you see marriage as a means to an end. The topic is "Forced to marry", after all. Someone other than myself sees that as a factor since the question was raised in terms of immigration,

It seems to me that for everyone here, it IS a means to an end. I broached the topic of feeling 'forced' to marry. But someone else brought up committment vs. marriage, which I think is a very interesting topic too. I just happen to feel that they are two different things. You can have committment without marriage. Marriage without committment is simply for convenience, no?

I know I am not marrying him out of convenience for anything.

"Marriage and committment aren't the same thing" is an opinion, so we disagree. If you're ready to commit, why not marry instead of being able to walk away?

Why not stay because you want to? Who says you can't walk away even if you're married? It's easier to get a divorce than it is to marry someone from another country!

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

I have to say, I don't think too many people on this message board are looking for an "easy out". This isn't the easiest way to get married!!

You say youre' not ready for marriage wihich means you're not ready for committment, anecdotal assertions aside, when you are looking for an easy out, marriage is not what you aim for.

Marriage and commitment aren't the same thing, though. I wouldn't be getting married right now if immigration were not an issue, however I've never felt more committed to someone in my life (and I have two marriages under my belt, and I'm barely 35!).

I love him more than anything, would do anything for him, and I know he feels the same. Clearly he does - he's giving up his entire life in Paris, which he has built quite nicely for himself. He doesn't know what to expect career-wise once he gets here. But he knows that our committment to each other (married or not) is what is most important to him right now.

I was reading the 'sex before marriage' thread, and saw some questions and answers being raised about feeling forced to marry because of the immigration laws, and this being the only way to be together.

I got to thinking, how many people would be getting married as soon as they are if their SO (or they) could move here and live together without getting married?

My mother actually said something like that to me when we first met. Of course, as soon as she met him, she changed her tune. But when she said that, I responded "So he actually couldn't love me, right Ma? Are ya kidding me?" Of course she felt awful, and said No no no, I didn't mean it that way... But then again, mothers sometimes have a way of getting under daughters' skin, don't they.

Thanks for your answers - you are right, it's only for US travel.

However... (isn't there always a but??)

DS156, Question 29, has space for one visit to USA. He has travelled here at least 10 times, to visit me, and with his family before me. He does not have all those dates.

DS230 Part 1, Question 25, asks the same, but only has space for 4 trips.

Recommendations on what to do?

My fiance has travelled extensively during his lifetime. Particularly because he lives in the EU, travel to different countries was so easy... so, these questions on both forms that ask for a list of places and dates travelled - he doesn't have all the dates and places.

Any recommendations on what to say? Anyone else have this issue?

Thanks!

I tried to call that number, and even if I "press 2" for the automated information regarding my fiance visa, it says that there are no operators available, and to call back during business hours. I just want to know that they have it.

I am using an attorney, and I have to tell you, I'm glad I did for the first part of this. Not because it's complex, but because I really didn't know where to begin. Now that I'm in the middle of it, I am still glad I have an attorney just to make sure everything I'm doing is right.

That being said, I also think if you have a good sense of what to do, and are highly organized, and your case is pretty straightforward, as long as you follow instructions to the letter, there's really no reason to get an attorney. Because sometimes I wonder where notices will go (to me or to the attorney), and if the attorney is forwarding them as soon as they receive them... because frankly, they don't have as much invested in this as we do. It's OUR lives, not theirs. It's just their job.

Good luck whatever you decide!

You shouldn't be sending originals....you send photocopies.

To the interview you take originals....plus photocopies. They look at the original and keep the photocopy.

Thanks. When I sent documents for my RFE, they wanted certified original documents of my divorce decrees, so I had to send originals, NOT copies. Will a copy of that suffice for the Consulate? I could even get it notarized...

I have noticed that original documents are required for the Consulates. However, if original documents were sent with I-129, how are we expected to have original documents? Don't the Consulates receive the original file?

Or am I completely misunderstanding, and don't need those originals? Of course, we haven't even received Packet 3 yet, I'm just trying to get a jump on things. Impatient, impatient!! )

Thanks for help!

I spent Christmas in Paris with my fiance and his family. I was only there for 4 days, but at least I was with him. The Christmas Eve and Christmas dinners are so different than here. I had oysters (2!), but won't try them again... there was a fish cake/fish loaf, foie gras (delish!), lamb, cheeses, desserts... it was great, but I did miss my traditional Christmas dinner. I may be the only person on the planet who lost weight during the holiday season!

We're now anxiously awaiting word from NVC that they received our packet, and waiting for Packet 3!!

Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!!

Hi, I live in Boston, and my fiance lives in Paris.

I'm hoping someone can help with approximate time once Vermont approves I129F petition. Does anyone have some practical experience with this regarding times?

I understand they send it to the NVC, and then they send it to the US Consulate in Paris. Does anyone know how long it takes from there? I haven't seen anyone here trying to get a fiance to the US from France...

In the "timelines" on this website, on the same page one list says 58 days, the other says 76 days.

If anyone has an experience they can share, that would be great.

Thanks. I understand that. I'm looking for practical experience. Because in the "timelines", on the same page, one list says 58 days, the other says 76 days.

If anyone has an experience they can share, that would be great.

Thanks.

Hi, I'm hoping someone can help with approximate time once Vermont approves I129F petition.

I understand they send it to the NVC, and then they send it to the US Consulate in Paris. Does anyone know how long it takes from there? I haven't seen anyone here trying to get a fiance to the US from France...

Thanks very much!