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Jjcouple

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  1. Yes same thing happened to us.
  2. Thanks for the support TBONE. We get called cheap or stingy because we search out the best deals. Like if we are needing to buy a vacuum and have a coupon, im going to use the coupon or at least get it online where it's cheaper and it is free shipping. My mom sees this as being cheap for whatever reason. My wife and I explain to each other that we will splurge on traveling and nice food but we don't need fancy clothes or expensive things outside of experiences and making memories. We want to embody this so that one day when we have children they will understand the value of money and how to properly use it. Obviously each family has their own way of spending money. Im just so confused why this is stingy/cheap. I think of it as being smart and resourceful.
  3. we live for free and of course we do housework such a cleaning and the dishes- we're not totally useless. However my mother keeps score of who does the dishes, when and then she compares (I do five times you do only 1 time) which is a lie she fabricates. We've been reacting in a peaceful manner, things are just getting worse and worse because they think we can take it. You've got a special relationship, i am envious.
  4. That was a very nice personal story to share your experience- thank you so much. Yes! We get shouted at for buying food for everyone to share, but then we don't buy anything we get shouted at how we don't buy anything. It's a lost cause. I don't know how to describe the way they act- it's almost bipolar. And my mom does most of the confrontation, while my dad sits back and does not challenge her- so we can't even talk to him about anything.
  5. Actually, we like it here because the vietnamese community is much smaller compared to a lot of other cities. We don't live or hangout in the vietnamese community. We are in the middle of house shopping, but haven't seen the perfect house for us. Right now we can afford to live here and it's nice to be close to family, it's just a drag to deal with the extreme emotional strain.
  6. I think that everyone from vietnam are lovely, and anyone from anywhere are lovely. I don't get the big fuss about keeping Northern traditions versus southern traditions. My mom said she accepted my wife at the beginning because she was of northern decent. But then in her argument she said that my wife is actually in fact only northern blood but she does not act like a northern person. It's basically terrible emotional abuse and unjust discrimination This is funny to me because then, what do other people think of me? Im northern but i say things how I see it, and most times not "classy"
  7. Russ and Caro, that was probably one of the best and feel good advices, thank you so much. Yeah- we don't want to leave especially if we are leaving on bad terms. When we leave, we want it to be because we are on good terms or at least not in a tension bind. We can't seem to find the perfect house for us just yet, but we are looking, but you are right, it is a big huge scary decision, it feels so permanent. And we are big planning type of people so we want the choice to be right.
  8. My wife and I get along great, it's my mom I butt heads with. My own mother lol. Is there any world that vietnamese wives and mother in law's get along and are actually nice? How do you deal with your mom when she says the type of closed minded or negetivie comments?
  9. Hi! since it was a fresh arugment and really broke me yesterday I think I was venting but I do want to know if you experienced the same kind of things. I was born and raised here in the states and a but more Western in my philosophy so there's somethings I'm completely blind about.
  10. Glad someone also understands. Yes we are house hunting
  11. we're in Portland, Oregon. I am Vietnamese American and I sponsored my wife who is from Vietnam this past year, we've been happily married and enjoying our lives together for the past 7 months now. We've been together for about 2 years almost now. We are living at my parents house for the time being because we are doing the paperwork to borrow monies for a house. This experience has been hotter than dante's inferno. To setup the context: My mother is northern vietnamese decent (nguoi Bac) and she has been a naturalized citizen since 1984. My wife is also northern vietnamese decent (nguoi Bac) but her family has assimilated into southern vietnamese culture and traditions since after the Vietnam war when her parents moved and she was born (94'). Therefore, my wife is somewhat of a hybrid of northern and southern person. The common stereotypes for northern Vietnamese such as : Saying things in a beat around the bush fashion without actually saying things straight, or addressing every single person at the table before you eat, etc- are not true when it comes to my Wife. My mother seems to think however that northern Vietnamese culture is superior/more classy/more correct/formal. She exploded the other day and called my wife's family communist. Her dad is in the party, but her mother, her and siblings are not - plus everyone knows in this day and age this is basically for job stability/opportunity- their philosophy is not communist, far from it. It was a really strange outburst. She says that the only reason she puts up with my wife is because I married her and i'm her Son, and that my wife is not northern vietnamese, and that her mother did not know how to raise her properly. My mother than goes on to explain how my Wife is not a good daughter in law, i.e does not pay enough attention to the dishes, cleaning the house etc. I was in the middle of that, explaining to my mom that my wife immigrated from a totally new place, a new house and is learning the ropes here in the USA she needs some time to re-calibrate. She responds with no mercy whatsoever. She starts to go off on us about how us being frugal with our money makes her and my dad lose face. My wife just got her paperwork approval so we had a short trip to Vietnam for my wife. We did a costco Run and got my uncle (her brother) and my grandpa (her dad) some sweets/treats. On our return she asks us why we are so pathetic in that all we could give them was some cookies (mua duoc co cai bao banh thoi ah) I don't understand where this deep rooted shame or fear of loosing face extends from. After that comment she tells at the top of her lungs that she forbids us to visit my uncle and my grandpa. i almost lost it in laughter. Meanwhile in Vietnam we were told that just us being there and showing up all the way from the USA is already a great surprise and gift (but of course we don't just come empty handed). She compares what we bought for my relatives (uncle & grandpa) versus what we bought for her family (her mom dad, preteen brother, aunt, grandma) and says that she cares more about her family than mine (and that I let my wife become like that) (lol again) but in frankness my family in vietnam is better off than most while my wife's family is not so much. AND other relatives in my family travel throughout the year to the USA and back, so my family has more access to foods/resources from the states. While my wife's family only now has her and Me. (but that's besides the point) the point is, forbidding us to visit my own family in Vietnam because she sees our frugality as bad and us being cheap does not make sense to me. It's an action that we take out of our affection, and we are not going buying a $1200 iphone or laptop for someone every-time we visit because it paints a "better picture" Life in america is expensive, life in america married is even more expensive. My wife just got the paperwork to work. She works for my parents. After calling us cheap, she asks my wife why she has to be so accurate in her time keeping (she clocks in 30 minute intervals) and that in the past daughter in laws if were working for her husbands family would be doing it for free. I don't agree with this because we are going to file the taxes etc so duh- we are going to be accurate as possible. I think that's all I have the heart to type out right now- let me know your experiences with this- especially for those of you in the Asian communities. I'm trying hard to find a counselor who speaks Vietnamese in the portland metropolitan area. We are catholics at the vietnamese our lady of lavang church but that's been a sh*tshow too.
  12. Pretty casual, I came from work, didn't dress fancy. Asked how we met, what we do for fun, if we traveled anywhere, if we go out to eat, our favorite places. Smooth. I'd put more money in parking because I had to pop out to put in more money (or use the app) and then they called during the time I was out at the meter, but it was fine.
  13. Pay stubs, shared credit cards, shared health insurance just mainly things on the petitioners side. We didn't bring pictures and we're able to show the interviewer on our phone. Pretty straight forward
  14. I guess it was just a question weather if it was nessesary to be extra safe. We told the interviewer of the situation and he said just said be cautious, but he also said usually there's no issue. Haha thanks
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