daveandlirio

Okay...I have been bashed repeatedly in numerous threads over the past couple days. My posts were taken WAY out of context and interpretations were far from my intent. I'm bored, I'm lonely, I miss my fiancee, and I felt like VJ was a bit of a brotherhood where we could share our VJ problems, assist each other with the process based on personal experiences, share our concerns, and laugh together when we really needed it.

If any of my posts ever offended anyone (or made them throw up a little in their mouth for reading it), then I'm very sorry...never EVER meant to do that!

I will make this my last VJ post and wish you all well.

Dave

What really gets me is that some of you who are relentlessly bashing are the same ones who've posted such supportive and kind messages in the past. Must be the holiday spirit that's bringing the love out of you.

If you are going through the same difficult process as all the others painfully awaiting a visa, why the hate for someone who's dealing with the same stuff? Regardless of whether or not you thought my post stupid, silly, funny or otherwise, was it necessary to bash (I'm sure all of you who are obnoxious morons will respond accordingly)?

Well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone...I wish you the best.

HOLY #######!!!!

I can't believe the comments coming out here! MRC had it right: I love my fiancee very much and haven't seen her in nearly a year. Now that we're getting close, I'm pretty excited. She sent a new pic and I thought it would be nice to put up. I asked for comments because our pics have very few. For the most part, VJers have been extremely helpful and supportive throughout this long and painful process. I had no idea that would change by simply sharing a new pic of the woman I love. NO, I WAS NOT PIMPING HER you sick ####! ####### is the matter with some of you people?

Where is the smiley face flippin' the bird when you need him?

I will tell you after this weekend. It has been a long time since we have seen each other...

I hear that!

take this list and tape it to the bathroom mirrow remind yourself in a year

Good advice...I'll tape it right next to the list I made for her!!!

My ex-wife cheated on me toward the end of our marriage. Granted, we were having problems and had discussed getting a divorce but until then I had not given up. Brief summary... She came home at 2am on a work night. As I said, we were already having problems and that was the last straw. I told her I didn't care who she was with or where she was but I was taking off work the next day to file for a divorce. She could be there and we could do it jointly or I'd file against her alone - either way it started tomorrow. We got the paperwork and filed that day. She moved out that night.

As it turned out she was 'only' at dinner with her boss but they had been doing lunch together and spending time together after work as well. They weren't involved sexually (she said out of respect for me - ha!) until after we were officially split up but the intent to cheat is only slightly less than actually cheating. Believe it or not the relationship with the boss didn't worked out. Not only that, she moved on to another guy and her boss made it difficult on her as a result. It was less than a year later she wanted to get back together. We tried it for a few weeks but I couldn't forgive the betrayal and broke it off.

That was probably a little more than asked... Cliffs:

Been cheated on: Yes

Cheated: No

Deep breath...let it go bro...karma has a way of making everything right!

Mine - Rome...middle of the night...did it standing in an archway of the Collosium while people were walking by on the street!

What's yours...can you top it?

I have pictures

Nice!

She's a very pretty lady, almost looks like a model in her photo.

Thanks...she's a sweetheart too...I'm a lucky man.

I came home from work sick and caught my best friend in my bed with my ex-husband..... I would not cheat as I know the pain it makes to the other person...

Kez

Ouch Kez...that's one had to hurt!

Isn't she gorgeous! 24 days...that's when she should be here if all goes well!

Oklahoma rules!...Lets change this to the Oklahoma thread....

I like it...but, you didn't answer the question! B)

not even

He he...I see you're from OKC...I live in Edmond...cool!

I've cheated (not on a husband). Unsure if I've been cheated on.

Moody...I know what you would do if you were ever cheated on...you'd go apesh!t on their ###...beat 'em like a dead puppy...shake and bake brother!

Mine - Rome...middle of the night...did it standing in an archway of the Collosium while people were walking by on the street!

What's yours...can you top it?

Okay...I know few of you are going to have the courage to respond (or tell the truth), but I will:

Yup...I cheated on my first serious girlfriend...with her cousin. It's a long story, but the short of it is that I left hickies (is that how you spell it) on her neck and eventually got busted. Broke her heart and, in the long run, broke mine!

LMAO!

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whatever you want.

I think I watched a little too much Talladega this weekend.

Dear Lord, Baby Jesus...little tiny infant Jesus...all wrapped up in your blankey...little toes stickin' out Jesus...Dear loveable, 8 pound, 6 ounce Baby Jesus...grant us all a speedy visa process and a happy marriage!

Amen!

Same here for doing the same thing only I called Egypt instead of Canada. Thank God for phone cards.

$500.00 making calls within Canada when I didn't have the proper long distance phone plan.

Shake and Bake, baby...Shake and bake!

That just happened!

Good thoughts everyone...I hadn't thought about the proof of co-mingling issue, but I did mean to have at least ONE separate account. I guess it is all about balance and what both parties are comfortable with. I am shocked that we haven't had any nay-sayers yet. Thought this might become a heated topic.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Welcome to VJ and congratulations on your interview date. We all know how frustrating the wait can be...it makes you feel helpless. But, there is an end to it all...a light at the end of the tunnel...and you are almost there. Hang in there, keep the faith, and God bless.

It all began one weekend day in Korea. I was heading downtown with a friend to shoot some pool and have a few drinks. As we passed a club, someone called out my name. It was a Filipina friend I had made who was out with her girlfriends having some drinks and playing darts. She invited us to join them. After a quick hello, I turned to see the most beautiful woman that God has ever created - Lirio. She was one of girls in the group. We started chatting, played darts and ending up spending the whole day together. The conversation was great and the chemistry unmistakeable.

The next day, we met again for dinner. After that, we were inseparable. Our new-found friendship soon turned into a loving relationship. A few months later, we were engaged. A couple months after that, we parted ways...I returned to the US and she returned to the Philippines. Nearly a year after parting, she's finally going to her interview (Jan 12th). In a few weeks, we'll be together again...at last.

Here are some things I HOPE I do:

1) Kiss often...

2) Give her space and time to assimilate into her new life...

3) Weekly massage...

4) Tell her I love her daily...

5) Be considerate of the impact this move makes on her and her family...

6) Pinch, smack or squeeze her little booty daily...

7) Take her out for a nice dinner at least once a week...

8) Leave love notes for her to wake up to...

9) Take hand-in-hand walks...

10) Make her breakfast in bed once in a while...

11) Bubblebaths from time to time...

12) Pleasure her sometimes without expecting return of favor (maybe...)...

What are yours?

When Claudeth first got here she ran up my landline to about $3000 in the first two months. I passed out when I received the first bill for over $2000 and there was more to come. I immediately shut the landline down to local calls only and bought her calling cards

Ouch! You've got me beat.... My first phone bill from calling my fiancee was almost $1,500. I've gotten it down to $300 to $400 a month now. I plan on buying her phone cards to call her family once she gets here, but for next Christmas, I'd like to buy them a computer with a webcam for VTC.

So, I'm an advocate of trusting your partner...you proposed, so you must have developed some pretty strong feelings.

But, I'm also a realist and see that a lot of folks find heartache down the road. That's why I believe, that even with a pure heart filled with love for your partner, there should be prudent steps you can take to protect yourself in the case of being dupped...God forbid. I sort of think of it as marital insurance...kinda like car insurance. We don't expect to total our car after we buy it, but we know things can happen...things can go wrong, so we insure them to minimize the damage should things go awry.

Given that, what type of marital insurance might we employ? Here's a few thoughts...please add yours:

1) Prenuptial Agreement - Especially if you have any property of significant value. Does anyone know if you can legally include the dissolution of the AOS in the case of divorce that is other than the result of abuse by the USC?

2) Separate Bank Accounts - Might be prudent to maintain at least one separate bank account at least for the first couple years.

3) Keep the Deed in Your Name - If you already own a home, you might consider keeping it in just your name.

4) Minimize Joint Credit Accounts - The fewer the shared accounts, the less complicated and potentially damaging the outcome will be if things don't go well.

5) Involve Someone - Allow a loved-one, family member or friend, to be actively involved in your life and witness the type of relationship you have with your spouse. I offer this one because it appears that a lot of the spouses who are abusing the system follow up with claims of abuse in order to maximize exploitation. If you have people who have seen how you relate to one another, it may help should that terrible scenario ever surface.

Now for my disclaimer: Some might say that this approach is too restrictive, controlling, unloving and a recipe for disaster. They may even suggest that it would actually BUILD distrust. I don't argue that point...to each his own. I'm just offering ideas on how one might protect themself from potential disaster. If you feel any of the ideas might work for you, I'd suggest explaining it to your fiancee and getting their input.

Okay...fire away with the comments...good and bad.

Hi, I hope Im not late to post my comments here.

You are right, some guys dont really care about the early warning signs but instead go one and take a risk and then after all, get hurt or fail in a relationship. They think that the girls they are loving are worthy, a great woman to spend the rest of his life with, a girl who makes his dreams come true even there are red flags already.

First rule in LDR relationship is never ever send MONEY to the person you just met on the net, you barely know and if you havent meet her and her family and friends. Some girls use men for money, but of course there are also good girls around who will never ask for money. There are also some girls who chats with million of men and are sweet and caring and promises to all of them.

If you see this kind of red flags, be aware now.

I heard a lot of this kind of scammers in the net. Some just use men for Greencard or ticket to the USA. SOme will marry old men and then divorced them when they are in the US already and find a young guy.

If you really in love with your girl be sure to know her background. What her intentions. If she insist you to give her money because of this and that...And if you are the only one making effort for your relationship, that is a red flags. IF a girl is really in love with you, she will make an effort to call you, to say how much she care for you, spend some money to send you messages everyday and not count the money she spent with the message for you. That he dont care how much money do you have or you are just ordinary and poor citizen of your country. Because love is unconditional and not base on material things and money. be aware.

thats my two cents.

Good post. But, isn't it possible to CREATE red flags by looking for them too hard or over-reading situations? Things appear as you make them appear. If you're unsure and insecure, you'll find a red flag at every corner...even if it isn't really a red flag. And, being constantly suspect is not a good way to start a relationship. Granted, when you are separated from the one you love, suspicion can easily ensue. But, you have to draw the line somewhere. Committing to someone for life, for marriage, takes a significant amount of trust. And, when you give trust, you inherently take risk.

I've noticed that a lot of VJ'ers suggest that asking for money is one of the biggest red flags. I think someone should point out that it doesn't always have to be. If you met online or through a marriage broker, then perhaps the request of financial support may be more likely to be a true red flag. But, in my case for example, I spent months with my fiancee, really got to know her, fall in love with her, care about her and her well-being, and even appreciate her concern and support for her family (my mother and father both passed a few years ago). Lirio is my partner...my life...if she or her family are ever in need, I'm there for them...gladly. Similarly, when we were together, I went through a tough financial period and she was there for me...imagine THAT! So, when her or her family hit bumps in the road, it doesn't bother me at all to pitch in where I can and I don't consider it a red flag. If it is...if I am being dupped...then that's the chance I'll take for love. Worse case scenario - she's BS and totally using me and I don't have a clue. Best case scenario - she loves me, we're partners, we take care of each other, and we're going to have a great life together. For me, it's worth the risk!

To be completely honest, in all my VJ reading, I've seen SO many scenarios of broken hearts and hidden agendas that doubt has crossed my mind on occassion. And I hate that, becuase it really isn't justified. So, all I'm saying to you, my VJ brothers and sisters, is take what you read with a grain of salt, search your soul for what you truly believe to be the situation, and, if your heart tells you all is right, take the risk and be willing to accept the result...whatever that may be.

I sincerely hope that every one of you build a solid, lifelong relationship with your partner. But, statistically, that can't be...some of you will experience heartbreak...but that will only make you stronger.

So the bottom line is she has to go back?

We were trying to save a little money, but I guess she's going to have to stay at least 3 days in Manila - 1 for Medical Day 1, 1 for 24-48 hour wait, and 1 for the follow up.

Is that right?