Together4ever

I am still waiting on Ewok to disable my account which I have been asking for the last 3 days. Hopefully today will see the end. After checking my personal messages I saw this thread. Since my name is being dragged around repeatedly I have something I want to say. I will do what I am able to do at this time. That is the only defense I can and will give myself. I posted my original post for the purposes of my own healing. It was taking a step to put the truth out there and not hide in shame. I requested no advice, although I knew it would not be respected. Abuse can be verbal as well. Being called a fool and stupid and all the other lovely thing the self-righteous love to hurl with their "good intentions of tough love", or hearing your husband called a monster (remember a husband is a man you love dearly and have betrothed your life too... most do not marry with a throw-away mentality) is not easy, especially when you are struggling to make sense of what is happening to you. Some of the things I have read said on here have hurt me far deeper then his hands ever could. Words do carry weight, whether they are in person or on the internet, especially to a person that hurts. I have been professionally advised to remain away from people who do such things at this time because it is causing more damage and confusion then it is anything positive.

If anyone wants to remain in contact with me, you can email me at touchingthemoon@peoplepc.com. I however am not seeking advice or more insults. I am also not seeking an enabler or someone to rose color things or whatever else the hell people on her love to call compassion. Its just nice to not feel alone in the world and I think a lot of people can understand that. Friendship.

Now I would REALLY appreciate it if people would PLEASE stop dragging my name around. You have no idea what are you doing to me. Thank you.

Thank you for the information. As far as the other 2 individuals and their barking... my "denial" or acceptance of the situation and our history is unknown to you so your opinions don't mean squat to me. Again thank you for those who supplied information. I am now requesting this thread be closed.

Thank you for your answers. Understood and appreciated. Best wishes.

I have a question and am in hopes that someone here may be able to shed a bit of light before I am forced to find an attorney. Financially that is difficult for me so I am trying to get a feel for what my needs are. This is a tricky subject and I want to state clearly here and now that I do not want and am not interested in hearing opinion, "you are in denial", "you are stupid", and "your husband is a monster." Nothing is ever that black and white and all such "advice" will be ignored.

My husband is young and has found the adjustment to the different culture, the bureacracy, the prejudice and not being able to work very difficult. He has felt imprisoned and neutered by it and we have discussed it many times, but it didn't do much to aleviate his growing frustration. A few weeks ago he snapped during an argument and became violent. I called the police and went to the emergency room to be checked out. I've never dealt with a situation like this in my life. He is now in jail. I was told to take out an EPO (emergency protective order). I went to that hearing 2 days ago before a female judge who, without ever seeing Moh who wasn't even present, informed me "men from there feel its ok to hit and humiliate their women. Next time he will kill you" and slapped a 3 year no contact order on us. Basically, they threw the book at him without him even being present. We are not allowed to have any contact with each other whatsoever for 3 years. Councelling will be ordered for him. Because we were together in Egypt previously for almost a year with none of this type behavior, I think we deserve a chance with some professional guidance to try to work through this.

Now for my question: Are AOS and subsequent removal of conditions impossible now if I cannot get them to back this off to a no violence order as we will not be allowed any contact?

Again, for those who feel the need to evangelize, please open a new thread and have at it because I am not interested in that here. Thank you. This is all quite emotionally difficult enough and I have professional assistance in that regard.

I want to make one final post then I'll just fade into the woodwork. This morning for the first time I put on a lovely short sleeved shirt, exposing the colorful blotches on my arms, and came to work. I drew a smiley face on one of the bruises and realized God has tapped me on the shoulder and given me a wonderful opportunity to recreate myself. It made me smile. Yes, I love my husband. That makes me smile too. It doesn't mean what he did is excusable and I don't know really know if he will be with me again or not. I have today. I have on short sleeves with no regret or shame, I have a smiley face on my left arm and a smile on my face and a hope in my heart and THAT is what will get me through this whether I return to him or send him packing.

You can think I'm crazy, but the American Indians held a belief that the Great Spirit would leave tokens and reminders of things to come, sometimes in the form of an animal appearing unexpectedly, a face in the clouds, a sudden breeze. Yesterday morning I had to leave to work early. I vomitted twice and felt so unbelievably tired. As I was walking to my car, a white feather fell at my feet. I said, "Thank you, God." I went home, slept 6 hours, spent the evening watching tv with my teenaged son and woke up this morning with hope that whatever the future brings, it will be ok.

I'm a lurker here and rarely ever post. But I think that you need to seriously step back and look at this relationship that you have. Deep down inside, you know that you posted because you know that you are in over your head. Please run, don't walk, to people that can help you. I know that it's embarrassing to admit that you made a mistake by getting involved with this man, but the embarrassment is nothing compared to what he has already done to you and WILL do in the future.

I am embarassed of nothing. I have nothing to explain or justify to the people here who feel they own my reality and know my mind. I have requested this closed so the harpies can go feed on someone else.

Consider it part of my healing. I really don't want advice. I've already heard it all. It all just makes an ugly smelly mud between my ears that keeps me awake at night.

Just to reiterate, see above. I needed to post this because I don't want to feel I have anything to hide. I wish all of you only the best of life.

I want to make one final post then I'll just fade into the woodwork. This morning for the first time I put on a lovely short sleeved shirt, exposing the colorful blotches on my arms, and came to work. I drew a smiley face on one of the bruises and realized God has tapped me on the shoulder and given me a wonderful opportunity to recreate myself. It made me smile. Yes, I love my husband. That makes me smile too. It doesn't mean what he did is excusable and I don't know really know if he will be with me again or not. I have today. I have on short sleeves with no regret or shame, I have a smiley face on my left arm and a smile on my face and a hope in my heart and THAT is what will get me through this whether I return to him or send him packing.

You can think I'm crazy, but the American Indians held a belief that the Great Spirit would leave tokens and reminders of things to come, sometimes in the form of an animal appearing unexpectedly, a face in the clouds, a sudden breeze. Yesterday morning I had to leave to work early. I vomitted twice and felt so unbelievably tired. As I was walking to my car, a white feather fell at my feet. I said, "Thank you, God." I went home, slept 6 hours, spent the evening watching tv with my teenaged son and woke up this morning with hope that whatever the future brings, it will be ok.

Sarah,

That is YOUR reality. Some couples do work things out. That is also a reality. As far as my own, only I can know it and whats best at this time. What that is, I haven't figured out yet. I know the stats and facts and profiles, etc. But please read again what the councellor said and think about it. I really hate to see this degenerate into yet another vj war.

I appreciate the supportive intentions here. This is just a very difficult thing to face and trust me, you can *think* you know how it feels but until it happens to you, you can never know how hard it really is, and unfortunately life is never quite so black and white.

Again I thank you all. I think I am finished posting here.

I want to mention something here I was told by two experienced, educated and unrelated sources. It is regarding the well-meaning arm-chair quarterbacking that goes on behind the scenes in a situation like this. I am mentioning it in case there is anyone else who is going through this, has gone through this, or god forbid will in the future. One of these individuals was a DV detective and the other a women's crisis councellor. They both stated the exact same thing and that is to stay away from people (who are not educated/experienced councellors) with too much advice, especially anything that indirectly undermines the already damaged self esteem of the person who is trying to make sense of a new reality.

I discussed with both what I have been told. "He will kill you next time." "He's evil." "Dump him." "If you stay with him you will lose your family and friends." Both of these people literally cringed when I said these things. And both stated this is equally damaging.

Yes, some women go back and end up hospitalized or worse. Some women dump and run and some end up in the same types of relationships, some not. Some seek councelling with their abusive partner and actually overcome. There are many varied stories and I have been advised to think this through for myself WITHOUT SELF JUDGEMENTS SUCH AS I AM WEAK OR IT IS MY FAULT regardless of what I decide to do.

I would prefer no more snap judgements be made about me here if possible, although I know they will. I have not taken a stand on what my decision I will make, but it will be my own and it will be the best decision I can make for MYSELF at that time.

Thank you for the support. It is much appreciated.

Please don't misunderstand understanding for forgiveness. I am ANGRY as hell and will have a very hard time forgiving a lot that has transpired. Understanding the why's does not make them "ok". It just is what it is. Yes, he'll do it again. I am not the type to cry "but I love him" and take him back. If I ever see him again it will be for my own closure and not to believe for a moment anything can ever be the same. I am just being honest when I say that not a whole lot makes sense to me right now. Therefore I am having a hard time knowing exactly what it is I need to do.

My prayer for HIM is that he gets help. He cried and told me he hates the way he is. That pain too is real. But he has to WANT help. There is absolutely nothing I can do for him. As he says, it is his "sick".

Thank you for your words. You can never know how much it means. I have never faced anything like this in my life. I'm numb. I can make no one any promises about anything, not my family, not my friends because nothing makes any sense to me now so I can't even promise myself. One thing I do know, and I can say this with 100% honesty, no one can know the sh*t storm of this until they experience it for themselves. Its so very easy to say dump the b*stard or forget him. He is still, unfortunately, my husband and I still carry his name. There is much more to work through here then just the simple facts. Connie, you have said exactly what I needed to hear. I need to do what is best and God only knows what that is right now for me. My first goal is getting out of bed in the morning, the next step is putting one foot in front of the other with as much intelligence as I can muster, but the pain is always there. I love my husband and I also hate the life I was living with him recently, so there you go. I ask God why he brought all this to me and I pray for the strength to sort it all out. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I just simply don't know anything at all except that this really hurts. I thank you again for allowing me to vent, I thank you for your words, and I pray if anyone else out there is going through this, you step up and do something about it. Hiding bruises is the demeaning part. Lying to your family, friends and coworkers is the demeaning part. Standing up for yourself is NOT the demeaning part. Neither is bearing the bruises in the first place. I know my husband has something in him that goes black and snaps when he gets angry. I know I am the only target for his frustrations. That does NOT make him evil nor does it make any of this my fault. It's just a very unforunate mix of circumstances and that does not make any of it RIGHT. I just know I do not want to live like THIS. God bless you all.

This is another type of visa tale. While most write their "happily ever after" stories and experiences here, I am writing another type of story. Consider it part of my healing. I am tired of hiding. I refuse to be a victim even though I still have some pretty weak moments where I go off and cry rivers of self pity.

Most of you know the story of our visa journey. I lived almost a year in Egypt with Mohammed. We were as happy as Egypt would allow us to be. Our relationship grew strong and tight. I was forced to leave Egypt and return to the USA to rebuild my life with nothing but the suitcase I was lugging behind me on the promise I would bring him here. He was in the same boat in Egypt. I worked through my heartbreak to begin building my life, finding a job, securing a job and a car and as much sanity as I could muster so I could get him here as soon as possible. I missed him terribly and we were both in pretty desperate situations.

A year and a half after I had to leave him crying in the airport, his visa was granted and he arrived in the USA. Three days later we were married. AOS was filed. We happily made our plans for the future. Unfortunately this is where my story takes a turn.

Mohammed started acting very strangely. He would crawl off alone and sulk. When I would finally get him to tell me what was wrong he would give me some fairytale scenario about my plans to dump him, or something else equally ridiculous and I would explain endlessly these things were his own manifestations and not true. These episodes got worse. I realized he was placing blame on me for his own fears and frustrations as he struggled to adjust. I talked myself blue. Some days he would relax and be himself. Most days his mood was foul and his temper horrible and I found myself becoming more and more nervous. That's when he started hitting me.

Five times I suffered through his bruisings, each time was worse then the time before. Each time I would find myself getting more and more angry as my bruises throbbed reminding me what I sacrificed for him and that it was not returned. Tuesday was the last straw. As I suffered his hammering fists he punched me in the chest as hard as he could, right exactly where my heart is. It knocked the breath out of me and as I got up off the floor I made a decision. I called the police.

They took him away in cuffs. My bruises were photographed by an uncaring female police officer and I was given a rather stern talking to by the paramedics and the first police officer that arrived. "He will do it again." Those are the words stuck in my darkest nightmares now.

He is in jail. I was assured he would be released the next day at the time of his arrest, my family all but forced me to file the restraining order to protect myself and still it was not my will to do it. The next morning I discovered he was placed on $3,000 bond. He did something stupid I'm sure. This is not "normal". I will face him in court in a week and I have no idea what to expect or even what to do. I am financially ruined. I have no way to bail him out.

All I know is I'm alone again. My body is covered in bruises and it still hurts to take a deep breath. My husband... my god I sent my husband to JAIL. The man I yearned for, longed for, cried for, fought for and waited for... is now in jail. I cannot find the proper words to explain even how that feels. Medication helps me live with myself. I don't know what to do now.

I really don't want advice. I've already heard it all. It all just makes an ugly smelly mud between my ears that keeps me awake at night. I would not wish this on anyone and my prayers are that all who are awaiting their reunions are blessed with happy and wonderful lives. Thank you for reading my words. As I said, this is my way of attempting to heal and bring sense to the chaos my life has become.

That's good you have something going on...our hasn't been touched in over 3 months, but we are stuck in the namecheck #######.

I'm sure we'll end up there right along with you. We went through it for his K-1. Blah.

Moh's AOS received a touch for the 3rd day in a row. I wish I knew if that was a good thing or if he is being sent off into name check hell again...

EAD approved and ordered, AOS touched, refer to my timeline below. Feels good to know *something* is happening.

I have the Monday blahs too. This is going to wind up to be a pretty busy week. Family coming in for my son's graduation, my parents will finally get to meet Moh face to face, trying to get the new vehicle all legal 'n stuff, barbeque on the weekend, running all over heck and begone with my folks, partying it up with my son. I'll need to come back to work just to rest. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that the boy is heading to college in the fall. *whimper*

EAD received another touch Friday and AOS was touched with "pending" notification. AOS received another touch this morning. Its nice to feel *something* is happening.

Congratulations to both of you!

I learned while waiting for Moh that if your AP has gone beyond 6 months, DOS is a little more eager to help get information, but again its sketchy at best. The consulate is the best source of information. Our AP lasted 7 months and it took them 2 more to get his visa in his hands. Toward the end we were both calling DOS and never got consistent answers. It appears to all be dependent on the person who answers your call, their ability and interest in decyphering your case notes, and their own knowledge of the process. Its basically a ####### shoot. Emailing the consulate takes an immense amount of patience. I found the easiest thing for me was when I could just back away from all of it and let time bring its own closure. Its hard to do when you have an obsessive/complusive Egyptian on the other end foaming at the mouth every day. I hope everything for you all finds closure quickly.

You cannot please all of the people all of the time. You can be fair. Seems Ewok tried to be fair and admitted when he possibly wasn't. Would YOU want his job? I doubt any other person on this board could have handled the situation and made everyone happy. Cut him some slack guys. This forum is quite an undertaking.

Yes there are lots of practice tests online. He does fine if he can ask me "what does this mean?" The jargon just really messes with him and each test is, of course, completely different. He's really frustrated and afraid he'll never drive. I've even gone so far as to call the State Office here and request an Egyptian version but all I ever get is transferred, put on hold and disconnected. Go figure.

Thank you!

What do you mean his last try? Is there a limit to the number of times you can take it there?

Wadi took it in Arabic first and found he had the same problem. Then he took it in French and passed, thank goodness.

Sorry, I can't think of any other (legal) solutions....

You have so many tries and if you don't pass it you have to wait 6 months to take it again. Sucks. Its very frustrating because he comes within 1 or 2 questions of passing. He just gets confused on what they're asking.

Has he tried taking it in English yet? I know the manual that they give you to study here in MA has all of the potential questions more or less. He could just memorize...

Yes, he has taken it in both. He has also studied the manual. The Kentucky manual isn't quite so user friendly unfortunately.

What do you mean his last try? Is there a limit to the number of times you can take it there?

Wadi took it in Arabic first and found he had the same problem. Then he took it in French and passed, thank goodness.

Sorry, I can't think of any other (legal) solutions....

You have so many tries and if you don't pass it you have to wait 6 months to take it again. Sucks. Its very frustrating because he comes within 1 or 2 questions of passing. He just gets confused on what they're asking.

We are about to get our second vehicle next week (hooray!) and my husband's EAD is coming. He has been trying over the last few months to pass his drivers permit test and the language barrier is really giving him fits. Of course they use a lot of terms that are not quite so well known to him. He has tried to take the test in Arabic, but they use a gulf Arabic and he knows Egyptian Arabic so there is yet another language problem. He's on his last try and he's freaking out. He needs to be able to drive. We are contemplating driving school for him. Has anyone else faced this or have any suggestions? Thank you.