SteveXXJuliet

It's not for me to agree or disagree. That's for the court to decide after they've heard the evidence. That's why I suggest he get an attorney.

Her trying to use the Court doesn't seem likely in this case, for a number of odd reasons. Note, I say likely, not impossible.

Some of the odd facts:

My spouse did not believe I could find her. All I knew was "Phoenix, AZ"

But I did, I tracked sis's phone, found the location ~8 square miles in Surprise, Az. Found the name of the owner of the phone which was a reverse and corrupted version of reality. Then using house sale/purchase found a sale + purchase (nice, too +$25,000 for flipping) in that area, the sale/purchase gave me true names and current address. Can you say "Surprise?"

Sis, apparently lives with husband, I'm told both are illegal.

Sis travels back and forth to Cebu annually, each time buying a house or land. (3 houses + 1 parcel of land in Bohol/4 years--not bad)

Sis was purportedly working as an LNA, but AZ's Board of nursing, (public info) shows that sis has failed the LNA exam 4x.

Things fall into place--I remembered that sis was paying for brother's auto mechanic training and had promised brother entry into the US on a work visa.

Let's look at the above.

My theory is simple: Sis hold's a purchased H1-B. Sis believes that she can purchase an illegal H1-B for brother from the same source. Why? Because sis doesn't even have the skills of an LNA, meaning sis has no eligible H1-B skills. How else can someone "illegal" (which is how my spouse put it) travel back and forth to Cebu? Answer: Purchased H1-B. How else could sis tell brother that he could come to the US? Again the only answer is illegal (purchased) H1-B. Hey a few years ago the going rate was a paltry $2500 for 3 years. Maybe sis hold's a "Health Alimentary Elimination Supervisory Engineer" H1-B (= bed pan emptier and butt wiper).

So if I were to complain to ICE, perhaps complaining about my spouse is not the way to go.

The reality: I simply want her to divorce me, and return home, if she does that I'll even pay for the ticket. If not...

Place yourself in the above position, if true (and I can think of no other explanation) the family's whole house of cards could collapse.

In a tough place??? There's nothing tough about it. It's called abandonment when your wife moves out of your house. I don't think he should waste any more money on this ###### by getting an attorney. Just keep following up on the withdrawal of AOS.

OP- I would definitely make another infopass to follow up. But first try calling USCIS 800 number. I know it's usually worthless since all they do is read from their screens like robots, but maybe it'll save you a few hours driving.

Once you have confirmation that the AOS is dead, you should make a call to ICE informing them of 2 illegals in Arizona. Do you know the address?

Yes Eric, I do though she is not illegal, remember she can stay 180 days beyond her Visa allowance and incur no penalty.

Also, I have learned that it is very wise to think about revenge. I've always liked the Chinese proverb: "Before seeking revenge, first dig two graves."

In my small state of NH, there are over 10,000 illegal aliens working this week. As CN-Trav has said, there's no law preventing her from moving out, if only because fraud in this case is not provable. But I'm aware of my options.

He could also be on the hook if she claims any kind of abuse.

Nah, too late now for that. I tracked her, found her living with the illegal alien sister, my lawyer has already served divorce papers, she has already responded... to claim abuse now would be sort of ludicrous.

Not saying that it couldn't happen but it no longer seems a real option for her.

Trust me for weeks the thought of a fake VAWA claim worried me.

Your wife left. Find another one move on. So your wife would have stayed if you were the 1%.. Confused. Report the wench to INS.

Sound advice, I'ma movin' bro! Gee, I hadn't thought of that...thanks for the kick.

Uh confused? About what? Wife's gone--ain't comin' back. I'm wearing the t-shirt that says "Stupid USC" what more do you want?

Confused--what's your point?

And will the INS or ICE do anything? And if I give the name and address of the sister and husband too--will anything be done.

I don't think so.

That's what I mean--illegals are big business, and the system doesn't want the boat rocked. Estimates of illegals working in my tiny state of New Hampshire is 10,500. What has been done about that--nothing. What will be done, occasional bits here and there for show, but nothing meaningful.

The people here (for the most part) abide by the rules and regulations, we pay and pay.... and for the most part it works well. It's just sad that there are over ten million who never abided by any rules and who never pay a cent.

Shame on you Robby! They aren't illegal children, nor are their parents "illegal parents," they are "undocumented children" and the parents are "documetarily challenged parental units." Quickly now--go stand in the corner!

Many look at the small number (after all it's only ~12,500,000) of nationality (documtarily) challenged people in the US as a problem, but you see, for many it's not, and of course the “problem” of 13,628 new children without proper papers, while it might be a problem for you, that is—if you pay taxes, is not a problem, but rather a “boom” for some. Realize that the top 1% in the US doesn’t pay taxes or pays very little and besides—if you’re making a bundle and have to give a bit back—who cares.

Take a look:

13,628 cute kids, housed, clothed, fed, at an estimated $23,876 per child comes to $325,382,128 per year. ( $23,876 is what it costs just to keep a prisoner in California in a tiny cell in prison each year). And now let’s add in that each child must have good medical and dental care. Hey, let’s agree on a half a billion as a round figure, ok? Well—that money doesn’t simply churn round and round in some governmental entity any more than does America’s prison system. It’s big business, and as we all know—in business more is better.

Consider this: “According to the AP report, “A decade ago, more than 3,300 criminal immigrants were sent to private prisons under two 10-year contracts the Federal Bureau of Prisons signed with [Corrections Corporation of America] worth $760 million. Now, the agency is paying the private companies $5.1 billion to hold more than 23,000 criminal immigrants through 13 contracts of varying lengths.” http://americanhumanist.org/hnn/details/2012-08-the-greed-of-private-prisons Extrapolate brother, extrapolate—business loves these kids. Follow the money. If I use the above number per child in my calculations above—if all children were sent to private (commercial) providers the tab per year is a tad more than $3 billion.

So what’s the problem Robby? Oh, I see—you aren’t one of the 1%. Now I understand.

Ok the above is a bit tongue in cheek, but only a bit. Illegals are big business.

My wife left me on January 8^th this year. I had married her on December 3rd. Late in the afternoon of the 7^th we received notice from USCIS that AOS was accepted. She simply up and left the next day, off to Arizona, I’m guessing—to live with her Sister.

How does this tie into the above—wait and see.

Ate (elder sister in Philippine culture) lives in Arizona, in Phoenix. Juliet says she is illegal and has been so for many years and so is her husband. They live in a lovely home in Surprise, a town near Phoenix. It’s the second home they purchased in 2012. (Public records).

Juliet told me that Ate works as an LNA (Licensed Nurses Assistant) and makes $20/hour. She says her Ate often works 12 hour shifts. But Ate has attempted the LNA exam 4 times, and has failed each time, (Arizona Board of Nursing records are public records and I’m guessing that they require no proof of citizenship) so she’s not an LNA, yet either is working as one, or seems to be providing some sort of medical care. So it’s logical to assume, if what Juliet says about her sister (other than being an LNA) is true then Ate clears about $41,000 each year. If true—that’s tax free income. Ate put Juliet though Caretaker school. I was surprised to see the certificate one day. I'm no longer surprised that she had it and brought it here.

Juliet has pointed out to me that Ate owns a house West of Cebu City, another house near Carcar City, and I’m inclined that she also built the house that my wife told me she built in Greenhills, Cebu. It's a nice house--two storys. Additionally Juliet has pointed out land that Ate owns near Jetafe in Bohol. For the sake of discussion I’ll just ignore the $22,000 the couple made by house-flipping (again—public records). Now I’m thinking I see where this cash goes. Hmmm...if Juliet does the same as Ate (and Juliet will pass the LNA exam the 1st time without a question--she's very smart, one of the reasons I married her) that'll be at least $82,000 tax free each year. Now I'm seeing how Ate plans to make good on Juliet's claim that Ate will bring the entire family here.

How is this possible? Well, imagine you have an ill parent who needs four hours of care each day. You have two choices: Pay $45/hour to an agency for a real LNA or pay $20-25 under the table to a poor immigrant whose mean host (host fits as in parasite/host) country won’t let her stay here. Oh wait—I forgot—Ate’s been here, so says Juliet for five years. How—I don’t know—haven’t a clue. H1B visa maybe—but she hasn’t skills suitable for an H1B. Now Juliet told me that brother is being sent to school for auto mechanics and that Ate will bring him to America. How? I don’t know, can H1B visas be purchased? And how is it that Ate flies to the Phils each year and back. This does not sound documtarily challenged at all.

The bottom line: Illegals serve a monetarily purpose for a segment of the American population—a powerful and elite segment. Get used to it—it’s not going to change.

What's my problem, alas, the same as Robby's problem--I just need to get myself in the 1% category, then maybe my wife would have stayed.

.

Or—don’t mind me, after all who’s going to listen to a guy who uses words that don’t even exist—documentarily? There is no such word silly boy.

I'd like to learn to speak/read/write Cebuano, and would like to find someone willing to Skype perhaps an hour a day three to five times a week.

There must be many who would like to pick up 400-1000 peso a week that have a computer and connection at home, and some free time who would be willing to do this.

An ideal person would be a school teacher, perhaps a grade school would be ideal since that's where I belong. Just being able to speak a language--any language doesn't make a person a good teacher.

How does this relate to VJ--read my timeline. Even if my new wife is nowhere to be found it would be nice to be able to talk to my relatives back in Bohol.

no strong ties or any other %^*# . she is married to me and should have a right to visit .

i have a feeling that you guys complicates everything. cause i see many people getting visas very easily around here , also american citizens like me who are married to foreign women

they apply and get the visa in less than a month and most of their wives has no job & diffently no strong ties to their countries of origin

What'cha doin' stickin' around here for then dude? Why ask a question for which you already have the answer?

Go, apply, just like your friends. And then, please come back here and let everyone how how well it went.

Thus it will be a learning experience for all of us.

Then why no one calls it a "con", when unscrupulous USC shops unequal marriage based on sponsorship promise (to both young foreigner and USCIS), and then backs out of the promise?

Any "unscrupulous" USC who picks up a "young foreigner" and then backs out is either nutz or an insane. Who in their right mind would pick up a "young" foreigner, go to many thousands of dollars expense and then dump her? For what--an older materially absorbed American chick?

I wouldn't call such a fellow a "con" I'd call him an idiot.

Note: The American chick thing is a generalization, more or less, and I apologize wholeheartedly to those quality American babes that are not materially fixated, as I heard that there were at least seven women left in America that don't fit the description and that five of them were here at VJ

Yes Boiler, that does indeed seem to be the case--and if so, some should not be deported permanently--they should spend time in prison. And if the proven guilty party is a USC he/she should spend some time in prison too.

A person wrote to me saying that they practiced law and saw perhaps 300 such cases in that one firm each year--yikes.

I know for darn shure--if a partner has a family member here--I would say BEWARE--Note: I'm not generalizing--if the family has other's who came here in the same way and after years all is good--then great. But investigate--for if there is a history it may well repeat.

And for immigrants--create a relationship with family, brothers, sisters--uncles, aunts--friends, call--ask--(interrogate) nicely.... People do not like to front for bad guys... if the person has issues you will hear about it. It's so hard to tell for sure--but investigate, and then...pray.

You aren't 15, you aren't 17, you aren't even 21.

Hit the road Jack!

You said it--your quote: "I am better off moving out and renting my own apartment."

Yeauuuuuuuuuh.....

He can no more send you back than he can send me back to Ireland (hint: my forbears come here around 1856).

Screw art school for the time being--I mean really--I am not putting you down--I went to Art school and loved it...and lived off of it for 30 years and now wished that I hadn't--because my Social Security payment would be diddly.

Get out'a there... go bring art to the people on your own.

Even Vincet Van Gough was accepted at the Art Academy at Antwerp, Belgium--and he went and quit. Did it hurt him?

G'mon, grow some...uh paint brushes--move out!!!!!!!!

Not only are you visible and red-flagged due to the first admitted fraud but if caught for the prior attempt (and there is no action of limitations on fraud--meaning that you can be charged and found guilty of fraud many years in the future) you can be deported and/or face prison time. I for one support very harsh measures on those who immigrate to America using fraudulent intent.

There is so much fraud that occurs in America I expect conditions will get tougher and tougher.

Are you sure you want to come to America with your admitted belief that you don't need to follow the law? This is not an American way of thinking.

Keep in mind that USCIS could, if they want to--subpoena information on you from VJ and find out who you are simply by the recorded IP (Internet address). 99% of the time such a query identifies the person. I for one wish that USCIS would get off their butt and clamp down on the real frauds.

People here are nice here, but you are a self-admitted criminal. Think about that.

Yes, in a part of Phoenix, Arizona. I've seen the house on google maps.

As a guess I'd wonder if the intent is for elder Sis to coach her on how to get a Green Card. Once Juliet has the Green Card after a certain time--she can sponsor the rest of the family, which could be Sister's intent.

Sister (Juliet told me that she was a CNA (Certified Nurse's Assistant) and Juliet tells me has as much work as she wants at $20/hour. Well, that's pretty good pay. But after I found sis's real name, I looked up on the Arizona Board of Nursing to see if she had a valid license. Interestingly she does not. In fact Sis has taken the CNA exam 4 or 5 times over the past two years--each time failing. So Sis, making $20/hour (if true) is, if anything working as a simple caretaker--whose ability to care for patients are very, very limited. Or maybe Sis is faking and says she has a CNA--but most places check. Most likely Sis is a caretaker for a private person, for instance you have a relative who is ill, terminally or not. They need someone to clean, feed, give meds (illegally without certification) etc. And $20 is cheap. I would not be surprised if someone in the area acts as an agent, pulling in private clients and offering them, let's say: "$24/hour, paid only by cash, and then arranges someone like Sis who will work for $20/hour. If the arrangement is cash the client doesn't mind (although this is illegal) because certified (CNA, LPN or RN) care would cost much more. All just conjecture mind you.

So Juliet who, by the way, has a Caretaker certificate from the Philippines could jump into such a scenario on short order. $800@ week x 2 with no taxes could hold a lot of allure. That's $83,200 gross with no overtime (and Juliet told me that sis often worked 12 hour days--tax free. Mere conjecture but perhaps it's Sis's under-the-table (if it really exists) income is what is funding the house flipping. Who knows?

To all, N-O-L-A's post was to me. I have taken no offense and discussion is not pertinent to my subject which is of great importance to me. If you have jibes or complaints please take it elsewhere before my thread gets shut down.

N-O-L-A makes lovely bread--I admire that. (see her blog)

Again, to each their own.

Again, thank you all for your input. The following is my summation:

I didn't know sis's name but did know her phone number.

With that phone number, all for free, via the internet, I was pretty amazed at what I found and how little time it took to find it. I found:

>Sis's name. Actually the phone was associated with a made-up name. It was her last name first, and then part of her first name as the last name (so reversed and modified).

>I found, for free, that the phone operated within a 1.83 square mile area in Phoenix, AZ along with latitude/longitude.

> From the incorrect name and the location I searched using the first and the last tame along with variants, searching for property sales and I found multiple property sale(s), and property purchase in Sis's and her husband's name. So now I know exactly where Sis lives. I know exactly what Sis's full name is. Their current house is a very nice place, with a very nice SUV. Nicer than my place. And just tracing two buy/sells someone here should be a real estate broker. We're talking an increase in value due to these sales that ranges from $20,000 to $40,000 depending on how you look at it since, of course the last purchase has not been sold. (The $40,000 gain would be if sold at Zillow.com's "fair estimated price for that neighborhood." Maybe my big mistake was that I married the wrong sister. Forty grand by flipping houses in a year is not chump change.

> From that I found Sis's real and full name, plus her husband's name.

> From her husband's name I found him on Linkedin. Now I don't like social media but I feel that linkedin is important when working in a field where networking is important so I have a Linkedin account. Btw, although second hand information, since Juliet told me this--Sis's husband is here undocumented also.

> I purchased a free month premium account so I could email Sis's husband a request: "is she ok?" No reply.

>Out of curiosity I called every elderly assisted living (nursing homes and the like) within 2 miles of where Sis lives. I did not find out where Sis worked. Were I to spend a few days in that area I have little doubt that I would find where she works illegally. (Again Juliet tells me that she works under-the-table, so take this as second hand please).

> I left a plea on Juliet's FB account asking if any friend/relative could assist so that I knew she was ok and leaving my email address.

> I called security at the Airport to make sure there was no recorded incident, such as a medical incident, there was none

> One of Juliet's friends from FB who saw my request, who lives in New Hampshire wrote to me angrily, threatening to 911 me. I wrote back outlining the history of what happened. I think this friend began to wonder because last week, Juliet who obviously enjoyed talking with Filipinos (Once there was a group of people in our local Walmart store and she wondered if they were--I said: "Walk near them and quietly say something in Tagalog," if they're Filipino they'll turn and stare at you." She did--they were, and we got an invite to a Filipina family half an hour away) (Lola, (grandmother is a treat and I will go and visit one day). Well, This FB friend who wrote to me lives about two hours away and days before the crisis I had said to Juliet: "Ask your friend if they would like some company for an afternoon--we'll drive over, it's only 4 hours round trip." Juliet said she had done this several days before the problem started and when I queried her about it she said: "no answer, no invite." The angry friend took a different tack after my return email. She went to Juliet's relatives in Cebu, found Juliet was ok, and wrote me as such. In her return note she wrote: "I had been expecting you two to visit this weekend." Thus Juliet apparently had an invite but lied to me days before all this started. That to me, indicates that this departure was planned, and "out the back Jack" required only confirmation of AOS. (possibly, probably? coached by Sis) AOS confirmation arrived. Within hours Juliet picked a fight--over trivial things. Then, for the first time in our relationship slept alone in our second bedroom, and then the next day up and packed and left. No tears from her. Just a "thank you" and walked away at the terminal.

Now three days later I find that she's safe. Nobody, not her, not Sis, not Harold her husband, not her brother who speaks English enough to understand my post to him on FB would even take the kindness to simply text back: "she's ok, doesn't want to talk."

A summary of red flags that are important to me:

-Juliet joined MelindasPenpals an onsite, very good, fil-am dating site only days before she initiated a chat with me that struck me like lightening. Perps don't take months or years to scope out a target do they?

- Illegal (undocumented) sis who is clearly manipulative admirably conniving, and clearly very knowledgeable about immigration rules and how to circumvent them, and who lives and who has lived in America for years without valid documentation (so Juliet tells me), apparently with a husband who is also illegal (undocumented or so as Juliet said). Add to this Juliet told be: "Sis told brother that she will bring him here" but has no legal way of doing that. Possibly American law does not concern her Sister.

- The lie about visiting her friend who clearly had told her to drive over and visit that weekend--and yet Juliet the day this started said: "no invite."

- On Jan 6th under the topic "2013 AOS Filers" here at VJ, Juliet wrote: "I am one of the many here who just started their AOS, I sent in my application on December 27th but until now there is no notice of action on our application. Perhaps it was because of the holidays? What is the normal time frame for the NOA1?" So the very day before this started she was searching for the AOS notification arrival date.

- On Jan 4th she advised an unhappy friend whose relationship appears to be ending: "not to sign divorce papers." (Note: I don't read Cebuano and translators don't either so I don't know the context--again, it's just a red flag. So this may be out of context.)

- Turmoil started immediately (within hours) of AOS receipt confirmation

- No tears, not one. Not during any argument. Not at the airport.

-Juliet's refusal to talk with a mediator, or to talk with Woman's Assistance, or to talk calmly with me, or to even make demands.

-Juliet cancelled an appointment for Community education assessment BEFORE this turmoil started.

-Before this started Juliet announced that she would not take a class that she had scheduled for the following week and wondered if anyone needed to know about that.

-Juliet stated "I'm not your wife." And would not even discuss the necessity of divorce, nor consider agreeing and signing the documents before leaving. (They are a simple few pages that are on the web--no waiting period--very easy--if "uncontested)." She also refused to talk to a mediator who I called.

-Her comment "you'll pay."

-Her refusal to speak to Woman's Supportive Services when they called.

-The calm "thank you" at the airport when I pulled the luggage off the truck and gave it to her. Not even a look back. No tears, no emotion. I wish I had taken a photo--it would have shown a person totally unconcerned, simply going about life as though she was on a business trip.

-Juliet's refusal to accomodate my request: "please ask your sister to talk to me and say that she's buying you a ticket"

-Sister's refusal to respond to my calls, these just two minutes after Juliet hung up with her. She refused to respond to my texts too, then and later.

-Then, cruel dead air. No response not even a simple: "ok, go away." from Sis, from Sis's husband, from her brother who I wrote to (all speak enough English and the FB post had my email address on it.

Red flags do not necessarily find a person guilty. But the multitude of them and the timing of them to me says: "I've been had."

About the prior tampo/PMS "fits:" On every prior one there were always tears--lots of them, tons of tears, sobs. This time: Not one drop. Further, in every instance, and I have many of the ones I documented she wrote to me begging forgiveness and admitting the stupidity of the argument--and acknowledging PMS as the cause. Here I thought by today, she'd be doing just that but no--dead air.

Now I just have the fear and agony of how this will play out and how many thousands of dollars will this victim (me) (perhaps I should say "parisitic host") have to pay.

Note: Yes, it could be me, certainly in part. Maybe I was a disappointment. Maybe my paltry few hundred thousand in assets didn't make the cut. Maybe the lack of job--but she said this did not concern her so she said. Maybe because I'm 30 lbs overweight (now 20lbs) But keep in mind I was quite willing to sell both of my properties to move to where she wanted to be. I was willing to accommodate any of her needs. What makes this worse is all the seemingly affection, all the good times--which compromised over 90% of the times we were together. What makes this most painful is that I'm an older guy and I've always wanted children. I think she preyed on that from the very beginning because I said so on the dating site, and told me she wanted children with me. (Please let the commentary on age of father versus whether this is a good or bad thing be another post elsewhere, and I'd enjoy such a post.). Yes, I can have children, easily with ART (Assisted Reproduction Technololgy) but without in vitro fertilization due to my low sperm count--she never had to worry about becoming pregnant.

So it seems that I've been had. From notes here, I'm not the first, and I'm not the last.

Advice: The only advice that I can really think of is no matter what your heart feels--do a good prenuptial agreement whereby each keep what they had before the marriage, with equitable division of property accrued from the date of marriage to the date of filing the divorce, and perhaps if the marriage survives a certain number of agreed years, then equitable division of non-work assets such as retirement accounts. And make sure that before making such an agreement, especially if you do it yourself--that the immigrant sees a lawyer to review it, one who speaks in his/her language, otherwise such an agreement will be thrown out. One lawyer will NOT do--trust me on that. It's the same as why one lawyer cannot normally (unless acting as mediator) represent both parties. I believed and trusted her so much that my heart overruled my head on this one.

Yiddish uses letter/sound inversions, it would be complex to explain but loosely translated is "heart before head = fool" where the simple inversion of letters creates "head before heart = king." I'm not Jewish but that's a wise thing to remember.

Other than that, good advice from the board was: Spend a year or two living together before. But sadly this is often not possible and wasn't in my case. Most of us must work and don't have the luxury of spending two years overseas.

I won't berate myself. I've seen plenty of other immigrant couples with large age differences whose marriage has stood the test of time. I guess that if you're a mark (a target) and the perp knows (or is coached on how to get to America) you may never know until the last 24 hours. Though I can find much in retrospect none of it was obvious--there were no clues. What I do find interesting is that the night Juliet slept in the other room I was distraught to an extreme degree. I think at that time though I can't say how--my mind knew it was the end.

As things play out, VOWA or no VOWA, and what equitable division turns out to be, along with costs--I'll update this.

Again, thank you all.

we have been together for almost 1 year six months..... Ive been to us for a year when i met him and he visited me twice here..... I gave up everything for him, i didn't work my profession just to spend time and talk to him everyday cause of our time difference..... I told him to cancel it, but he wouldn't..... He told me he will work for it but I had enough of him.

question:

is tax return really that important? or pay list for the year that states how much he earn will suffice?

Often paystubs that come with checks show total earnings to date. So if you used the last paystub and added a signed letter from the company, which most companies are ok with--I would think that would suffice.

But when someone puts off, and puts off...and puts off... that's quite a red flag.

I'm impressed. I really am--to be 26 and to be mortgage free is quite a feat--bravo. Percentage-wise you are quite ahead of the pack, and I believe it's something to be proud of.

The bottom line is: I don't need to work, but I enjoy working and expect to do so for many years. Juliet did not care if I worked or not--plain and simple. And if she chose not to work that would have been fine with me also, though if she chose not to spend a few years in college, I would have been disappointed because that's what she told me she wanted to do.

And I agree--though traditional stay at home house-makers are rare in today's society and if one can afford it I think that affords the best life for the family especially if you have children.

To each her own. Thank you for sharing.

Frankly, I can see one of the big problems here is that you are out of work and expect your wife to work, perhaps even support you, despite moving half way around the world. I also don't grasp this DIHH nonsense despite living in one of the most liberal and expensive states in the country, Connecticut, not a single household on my street has both members of a married couple working (with an exception of maybe one who works from home).

I moved to my husband's country last year and had he been unemployed and expected me to support him in a country I was unfamiliar with and not fluent in the language of, I would have asked him to drop me back off at the airport too!

And frankly--you haven't a clue. I have no expection of my wife supporting me. Doesn't it seem odd to you that an unemployed man successfully, with no income managed to have a USCIS K1 granted?

I'm sorry that you ran into such a problem but it does not relate to me. If I wanted to I could go the rest of my life and not work--we call that retirement. I don't collect social security--but I could. I'm not loaded but I own a house with zero mortgage and an apartment house that has positive income and I won't even start to get into other investments, stocks/bonds or cash.

You are very blunt along with a hint of meanness. I hope that he enjoys that.

And you are way, way off base....

Would someone in the know define the timeline of a VOWA and when/if the accused is notified that the complaint exists? And once the complaint is filed then what happens? How does the accused even know of the complaint?

Amazing--to go from happy and hopeful to fearful over a few days.

The singular fact that sis in Arizona will not talk, text, or even respond seems most alarming to me.

For some reason part of the above post is denied here it is in totality.

Reading on VAWA what I find is shocking.

http://www.immigrationfraudvictims.com/flier.html

I'm amazed.

From this: http://www.immigrationfraudvictims.com/

On October 20, 1999, a federal district court in New Jersey joined the 9th Circuit and the Federal District Court in Washington, D.C. in ruling that the use of secret evidence violates a non-citizen's due process rights: "The government's reliance on secret evidence violates the due process protections that the Constitution directs must be extended to all person within the United States, citizens and resident aliens alike. The INS procedures patently failed the ... test of constitutional sufficiency." Yet, an American citizen is not given due process rights when accused of abuse by a foreign spouse!

So, hypothetically, if sis is aware of this it's cut and dry.

If an immigrant cares to: Be like a parasite, attach to the victim, then at a convenient time, drop off and file VAWA, stating anything, and bingo--Green Card.

Reading on VAWA what I find is shocking.

http://www.immigrationfraudvictims.com/flier.html

I'm amazed.

Thank you B_J, there are good points there.

About the only one that I take exception to is: "A person's ability to speak English does not dictate their value as a person and whether things can be worked out."

I do agree with the statement and their ability to speak English does not dictate their value, certainly to their spouse.

And today there are enclaves where everyone speaks Spanish--entire communities including stores, banks, employers. Certainly for Spanish speakers that have no desire to adopt English these people can live comfortably and are valued.

But I devalue, though I try not to, someone who say's "I don't got no money," or even "can you give me some advise," It doesn't mean that I don't like the person, or that I would not hire such a person--and I value an immigrant who mixes up advise/advice more than most Americans. So I "cut slack" where it's deserved. And while not being able to speak good English does not devalue "the person," it does devalue their opportunities in life outside their family or rather "might devalue opportunities.

"Is challenged at following logic. "My wife thinks differently than me at times; but I also know that she is very smart. It is possible to be smart and logical while still thinking differently than me.

I agree, and often differences of opinion and perception at what is logical is very colored by cultural history. Sometimes a couple needs to "agree to disagree," and leave it at that. Inter-cultural marriages do take work.

B.J. I for one would enjoy reading what you have to say. My original post "felt" stereotypically sexist. Though after hearing what so many say, while the facts do not apply to all Filipinas, it no longer looks either stereotypical or sexist.

The beauty of the posts is that we can respectfully disagree and state one's points. Anything that helps me understand is worth listening to.

I quote the sister stuff, just to say.... If this goes VAWA, it will be Juliet claiming VAWA. No matter who coaches her or whatnot, she will still be the one who pulls the trigger. Remember that.

Now, on saying that what you did or did not do not being construed as VAWA, you would be amazed at how those things will be twisted when the time comes. For instance, imagine that the 200 bucks gets construed as financially controlling behavior. The 2000 as coercion and intimidation.

Just start now making sure to protect yourself. I would even consider not contacting her. You never know how what you say can be used against you. If you do contact, you would be wise to consider having someone with you at all times. Just be careful.

Finally, you won't really have to fight VAWA. You will never truly know about the VAWA. You will be fighting things like domestic violence charges and petitions for protection orders.

Good luck and I hope I am wrong.

I hope you are too. And fight, if necessary, I will. It's a frightening thought. If found guilty of a single domestic violence charge I'd never work an an RN again. You are correct though--"only $200 might be financial deprivation" while $2000 might be coercive behavior. As difficult as it is I'm coming to the point where there will be no further chance. I've been burnt, I'm not the first, and I won't be the last. Sad.

A domestic violence charge requires evidence and I do not believe that such evidence, even if twisted, could prevail.

I don't think you're stupid, just wondering about the expense. You really can't lump all that expense on the journey though. The money to the family, screens for the windows?? (She didn't get abducted by giant mosquitoes before yah all met).

BTW, I hear you on the weight loss, I lost 50 pounds during my last divorce. Very expensive weight loss program.

If you intend to build a house do you ignore the plot of land, or the septic system siting costs, or builing permits, and just look at the cost of building the house? You are correct though for I enjoyed my trips--but the Philippines is not my destination of choice for fun--it is for good women, or so I thought but I'll take Thailand for food.

As far as screens, they were surprisingly inexpensive, a mere $200. And oddly--they worked. I say oddly because the guy who installed them (sliding screens) did it in such a way that there was a 1/2" space at the junction. A hummingbird could have flown through that space. Maybe Cebu mosquitoes are dumb.

No she didn't get abducted by giant mosquitoes but her sister spent several days in the hospital recovering from Hemorrhagic Dengue fever carried by the Aedes aegypti mosquito identifiable by the bright spots on its legs. Dengue is called Breakbone fever--it's called that for a reason--if you are affected in is extremely painful. A few hundred dollars to protect my love and myself seemed quite rational to me and I would do it again (with a different installer). 50-100 million people are infected each year globally. Most infected have mild symptoms, about 5% have severe, painful symptoms, about 1% or less develop Dengue Hemorrhagic fever which is life threatening. If the Philippine government set up a not too costly program and bred giant lantern beetles for school kids to distribute into old water filled tires and drums, mosquitofish, or fostered bat housing (some bats eat 1500 mosquitoes every hour) the problem would be eliminated. If somehow the local's learned to turn empty barrels by turning them upside down and not let water accumulate in old tires--that would go a long way too. But remember, $86,764,775US (not peso) has been sent to the Philippines by the US government alone--ignoring other aid-- for Typhoon Yolanda and still last Saturday there were hundreds of unburied dead laying in the streets in Tacloban City.

RP is a strange country, there are plenty of ulta-rich (which is a reason why it's one of the most expensive places on earth to make a phone call to) but lots, lots, more impoverished. They do their best and I'll hang screens and use repellent.