CindyR

Hello everyone,

I was wondering if someone can help me.

I just recently obtained my 10 year permanent resident status.

I have been out of the country for 5 months now taking care of my mother who is sick. I know I cannot be outside the U.S. for more than 6 months so I am planning my trip back. My question is, if I return to U.S. to keep my status how long do I have to stay in U.S. before returning back to take care of my mother? I just want to go visit to keep my status updated and return to take care of my mother.

I intend to return to the U.S. to live as soon as she is doing better.

Cindy

Thank you, Newbie608. I have my C R green card so I have to file for ROC.

I am planning to visit my family outside the U.S. end of the month. My C.R. green card expires in December. I have to file my AOS package in October. Can I file my AOS while I am outside of the U.S., or do I need to return back to the U.S. to file my AOS.

Also, does anyone know if I can be outside the U.S. while the AOS is being processed?

I welcome all comments.

Thank you.

Thank you all for the comments.

I am not sure if my husband will file with me since we are seperated. I don't know about my husband but I know I fell in love with him and I married him because I love him and wanted to spend my life with him. I didn't know that he would change to this type of controlling person. I just don't know if I can trust him again.

I just need to hear others opinion on this matter. I am just so confused right now. I need to speak to a therapist but can’t afford one right now.

I walked out and left my husband because I felt threatened for my life. Several things happened that week before that made me woke up and said I had enough of this $*%@. I was also tired of being yelled at and being treated bad and living in fear because of my husband’s temper. I felt used and abused. He has not been physically abusive to me just a lot of emotional abuse, cheating and controlling ways. His own insecurity led him to bug my phone, my computer, and tracked my car, etc in which he admitted doing so only after I left him. I have never cheated on my husband. I have been the best wife to him any a man can ask for and more. Everyday he came home to a clean house, meal on the table, etc.

Let me say that I have not created or given my husband any reason for him to treat me this way. He is obviously upset that his plans for me did not work out for him the way he had planned it. For example, he said he wants me to find a full time job so that he can leave his job which he said he hates working at. So once I find a full time job he will stop working. I have only been able to find temp employment working here and there for a few weeks or months at a time.

I am currently living with my family members while we are separated.

I know my husband loves me in his own way, and I love him. However, I had to do what was best for me. I felt and saw myself slowing going into a deep depression and I knew I just had to get away from under his control. I cry every day when I think about my husband. The way he treated me and spoke to me was very hurtful. I don’t know how I put up with it for so long, but I know that I love this man but I don’t want to be another statistic of domestic violence and abuse.

My husband said that if I had not left him he would never changed his ways. He said this was a wakeup call for him and made him sought counseling. He said he wants me back and how he misses me so much. He said he is willing to do anything to get me back, but the funniest this is he has never once picked up the phone to call me since I left. He ignores my calls and also my emails. If I don’t call him he will not call me. I know he probably is mad at me from leaving him which is the reason why he is ignoring me.

I am not faced with having to start over. I don’t know what to do.

I can’t afford a lawyer right now which is why I am not pressing to get a divorce. I wish that we could work this out but how can you live with someone that you lose complete trust in. How can I go back to someone who had me bugged and for no reason other than for control?

Do I need to leave the U.S. since we are separated, or can I file on my own to stay in the U.S.? I am still CR-1.

Personally I think folks pay too much attention to the immigration process than to sustaining and cultivating their relationships.

As an example, I prepared and am ready for my Wife not to be productive for up to 2 years. We discussed this, we discussed that first priority is learning English, then getting a drivers license, getting some job and then going back to school for a career, all leading NOT to a permanent stay in the US but an eventual exodus back to Nigeria

What was your plan as a responsible couple?

Secondly, I am almost certain that your Husband is not a deranged lunatic who is also a control freak. Why am I so sure? No reasonable human would move to another country with such a person.

My suggestion is to work with your Husband (though don't surfer abuse of any kind), get on your feet, etc

I agree with you.

We did talk about what will happen once I move here, and he told me not to worry if I can’t find a job right away because he can take care of us. I think he is frustrated because he was always certain that with my degree, job and work experience that I would get a job right away. I told him I don’t blame him about this assumption because it is the economy that is the problem.

I am just hurt because every time he pays his monthly bills he feels like I am putting a strain on him or not contributing my share to the household.

I think you are more feeling isolated and dependent than any other thing you directly mentioned. What do you do during the day while your husband work ( or night ) Do you have something you do ? Do you get out go to the library or stores ? Have you though about something to occupy your time that may lead to something more ? Check out http://www.volunteermatch.org/ or even pinterest maybe you can find something that makes you feel more fulfilled and could lead to a few extra dollars or help build your resume

You are correct. I feel lonely, isolated and dependent right now. I never ever needed anyone for anything because I was a strong independent woman that had my own things along with a good job.

I attend all job fairs. I go to the library or downtown just to hang out and see if I can get words on jobs lead. Yes, I am trying to find a hobby that will keep me busy. I am touchy with this because a new hobby means I have to buy stuffs for the hobby and he looks at me whenever I buy something new even though I didn’t use his money.

I tried signing up for volunteering at some places but dropped this idea because I was told that I need to have a reason to volunteer like a court order or something because it may look funny that I want to volunteer my time for nothing. I find this to be a bunch of ####### but that what I was told by few persons.

I say the two of you get naked in a hot tub/jacuzzi for the weekend and have a long talk about this.

If you don't want to do that, then print out a big stack of resumes in USA format,

and go in to his work one day.

Once you're out of the car, apply at his jobsite.

Then walk around the rest of the day, dropping off resumes at the companies around his jobsite, and filling out applications.

If'n yer hired at any company along your walking path, that's a plus! He doesn't have to drive extra, out of his way, to get you to work and you can start squirreling away yer own monies ...

I have gone downtown several times to pass out my resume to businesses just to be told that no one collects resume any longer you have to post it on their website. My resume is posted on numerous career sites, and listed with temp and staffing agencies. I have successfully passed all the agencies test. One of them said that I may probably be overqualified for the jobs that they have.

I know that it is the job market and I fear that because I am not from the US is why I am being overlooked.

Id suggest a bit of counselling, possibly?! There seems to be things you guys are not properly communicating about to each other and probably a mediator is a good way to resolve this.

Id also suggest finding ANY job that you are eligible for; like retail. Although not ideal, this could be a "breather" for him to see you contributing. I understand that he initially was fine with you being unemployed but obviously this has changed. Id say try to get a part time gig even if its barely enough for you to have your own spending money.

Im sorry you are going through this and I wish you guys the best

We have talked about counselling before. He don't think we need it because he feels like once he apologizes it is enough. However, I feel like we do because I just want to explode at times. I don't like fights so I don't argue back.

Tell him you are leaving ONLY if it is safe to do so. If you feel threatened just pack and leave when he is not at home. If hw does not love you how will you live in that kind of relationship? You don't have to leave the US. Good luck and GOD BLESS

I’ve told him that before earlier this year.

Let me be clear. We don’t have fights but he does have a temper. When he gets mad I feel like I am in one of those scenes on TV where I feel threatened for my life like he may snap one day because of his temper. I don’t want to keep feeling like this.

It’s just that whenever he has to pay his bills he gets mad because I am not contributing to paying the bills. Yes it is his bills because I met him with these bills. I also do not have a problem helping pay these bills whenever I have a job.

I don't think anybody should be advising you on whether you should divorce your husband or not. It's really not anybody's decision but your own. I think what you need to do is sit down and really think about your relationship, whether you truly love your husband and if you actually want to stay. When you say he does't buy you anything - do you mean anything at all, such as essentials, or do you mean stuff you want but don't need like a new bag or clothes? If the latter then I think you need to reevaluate what you are looking for out of the relationship.

I'm not on either of your sides as I don't know either of you and you have only given your side of the story, but I will say in regards to him not buying you a car or wanting to have children because you you guys can't afford it, but you think you can, I would have to agree with him on that. Just because he got a tax refund and makes good money does't mean that there is necessarily a ton of extra cash laying around (again, I could be wrong, but I'm just going on the bare bones of the information you gave). If you are not working then he is paying for everything on his own. And whilst that is not your fault if you genuinly can't get a job, you've got to understand the nature of your situation. If you are not working and have a lot of free time on your hands then I think it is the least you can to maintain the home you guys live in (that he pays for) and cook meals. If you don't even do that than what is it you are contributing to the relationship? At that point you are there, whining about being taken care of while not doing a thing to help. Don't look at household duties as you being a maid, but look at it as your part of contributing to the household and playing an active role in the relationship. I know it may seem tough at times if that's all you're doing, but you can't expect him to do everything!

I think you need to look at the situation from both sides and then sit down and talk to him about everything. I'm sure if he gets mad at you it's not because he's actually mad at you, but more because he has a lot on his plate to deal with and he's frustrated with the situation.

When you say you are looking for work, how active are you actually being? Are you following up with things? I know you say you have a degree and a lot of experience in certain roles, but maybe while you are waiting for something big to come along, why don't you start applying for jobs at local stores or supermarkets or something? I know it may seem a little beneath you but at least it will be some money coming in from you while you look for something else and it will show to him that you are making an effort.

And if this sounds like I'm being mean, I'm not! And I'm sorry if it comes across like that, but I think you are focus don the wrong things right now. Look at the bigger picture of everything!

I am not looking for anyone to advise me to leave my husband. I am just here for advice so that I can see things from other people’s perspective.

What I want is for my husband to be a man and see me as his wife. I grew up with both parents and I also believe that the man should take care of his household like my father did for his family. I don’t have a problem contributing to our household. In fact, I do that now with no job, but what if I don’t get a job soon and how am I suppose to pay off my credit cards if my husband don’t want to help me or feels like he is doing enough for me. I have been looking and applying to jobs for the last 12 month nonstop. It’s been like a daily job for me, so yes I am actively looking. I told my husband when I get a job I will take over some of the household bills so I do not have a problem with that.

Yes, I am a great housewife. I do keep the house clean, cook, and all the rest.

I agree with you when you say that he is really frustrated instead of mad but please don’t take it out on me. I don’t like being in this situation as well. Being unemployed makes me feel worthless.

~~Thread Moved to Effects of Major Family Changes on Immigration Benefits, from Moving Here and your new life in America- As a more appropriate forum~~

Moderator Hat Off

Since you don't know if you want to go back to your home country I wanted to mention that you do have the option to stay here in the US and remove conditions on your own. You will need proof of entering the marriage in good faith, and apply with a waiver to remove conditions.

Since you did ask for all comments here's my thoughts. I'd leave you said he doesn't love you, and does not want to have kids which you do. Well those two comments are deal breakers for me. I would never want to live in a loveless marriage or waste my time hoping my partner changed their mind about having kids, I would grow bitter and resent the that person till the end of time. I'd leave and try another state to start over, I may end up going back home but heck I learned long ago never to make huge life changing decisions when I'm not thinking clear. So starting off in another city/state would be where I would start, then go from there.

Good luck, with what ever choice you make.

Thank you for the comment.

I think he loves me in his own way. He just didnt know that he had to support a wife when he married me. He thought that because of my occupation that I would of gotten a job right away when I moved here. I guess he is disappointed and feel like I may be a burden on him. I am already having that bitter resentment towards him since this is not the first or second time he exploded on me with this issue.

I need some advice to help me decide what to do.

I really don't believe in divorce but seriously considering it. I am lonely and tired of feeling hopeless and worthless.

I have been married for almost 3 years, but I am still on CR green card because I had to wait a year while married just to get approved. We have no children because my husband feels that we can’t afford children. I really want to have children. I love my husband dearly, but this last year he had many issues with me not working. Several times he exploded on me about why I can’t help him pay the bills even though I am unemployed. I feel so bad and get so depressed when he does this. The stress of being with him is only making me sick and depress.

When we were dating he told me not to worry if I can’t find a job, because he has to pay his bills anyway. He is not rich but he has money and a good job. He is cheap and lazy. He never buys me anything except food. I feel like his maid instead of his wife.

I asked him to help me buy a car to get around and to go to job interviews but he said he don't have any money even though he has money saved. He never leaves any money on our joint account and only put enough money on it to cover his monthly bills. If I want anything for me or the house I have to put it on my credit card. I asked him to give me some money monthly to help me pay my credit card and he said he does enough for me already. When his tax refund came in it was double because of joint filing and he bragged about it but he did not buy me anything or give me something from it.

I am considering going back to my country but I really don't want to do so. I have been applying for jobs all day like it is a full time job but the job market here in Florida is crappy. I am more than qualified for jobs but no one will hire me. I have been to many job fairs and sign up with many temp/staffing agencies and still no luck finding a job. I have a degree from a US university and have years of experience in the banking and legal industry.

I left a good solid job in my country to be here with him. I love him and I thought he loves me, but I don't think he loves me. I think he is in love with the things I can do for him. So....if you were in my shoes what would you do?

Should I give up on our marriage? I really don’t want to return to my country because I don’t have anything to move back to unless I start all over again.

I look forward to all comments.