Bashorun

As a veteran, it disgusts me that the Swift Boats we loved while we were in uniform on the Mekong Delta have been rendered, in Karl Rove's twisted politics, an ugly verb meaning to lie about someone's character just to win an election. But as someone who cares about winning this election and changing the country I love, I know it's not enough to complain about a past we can't change when our challenge is to win the future -- which is why we must stop the Swiftboating, stop the push-polling, stop the front groups, and stop the email chain smears.

The truth matters, but how you fight the lies matters even more. We must be determined never again to lose any election to a lie.

This year, the attacks are already starting. Some of you may have heard about the disgusting lies about Barack Obama that are being circulated by email. These attacks smear Barack's Christian faith and deep patriotism, and they distort his record of more than two decades of public service. They are nothing short of "Swiftboat" style anonymous attacks.

These are the same tactics the right has used again and again, and as we've learned, these attacks, no matter how bogus, can spread and take root if they go unchecked.

But not this time -- we're fighting back.

And when I say "we," I mean that literally. I know Barack is committed to fighting every smear every time. He'll fight hard and stand up for the truth. But he can't do it alone.

We need you to email the truth to your address books. Print it out and post it at work. Talk to your neighbors. Call your local radio station. Write a letter to the editor. If lies can be spread virally, let's prove to the cynics that the truth can be every bit as persuasive as it is powerful.

The Obama campaign has created a place where you can find the truth you'll need to push back on these smears and a way to spread the truth to all of your address book.

Take action here:

http://my.barackobama.com/factcheckaction

So when your inbox fills up with trash and the emails of smear and fear, find the facts, and help defeat the lies.

Barack Obama is committed to bringing our country together to meet the challenges we face, but he knows that power gives up nothing without a struggle -- and to win the chance to change America, we must first defeat the hateful tactics that have been used to tear us apart for too long.

With your help, we can turn the page on an era of small, divisive politics -- but only if next time you hear these attacks on Barack, you take action immediately:

http://my.barackobama.com/factcheckaction

The fight is just heating up -- we won't let them steal this election with lies and distortions.

Thank you,

John Kerry

January 7, 2008

I tell you what, you can contact Ewok, Geroge Lucas, or the whole Star Wars clan if that's what you feel you need to do. Whether I am here muzzled or not, for me life goes on, and my words will go on. The only thing you will successfully do is take away the opportunity for others who don't got it goin' on like you, to not know that these things happen, people go through it, they share, it and they survive it. When I went through it I docare was the only one at the time to have the guts to speak about her experience. Other than that I didn't have a place here to relate with the journey I then found myself on. SO if Ewok the forest owner wants to change the intent of the this website for posting only information related to successful visa journeys, then that is fine and that is his/her choice since they are the owner, and got it like that. As far as my analogy being ridiculous... your opinion, and you not going to sit here and tell me that you always analyze both sides of every story and every situation on every occassion. When it hits home objectivity goes out the window. None the less, you do what you feel you have to do. Threats don't phase me. But I am tired of going back and forth with all this so I'm done. But trust my sister, if I got something to post, anywhere and anyhow I'm going to do it. It may not be kibbles and bits for you, but someone will eat good! Now its time for me to use MY EASY BUTTON and end my posting to this NO ONE IS RIGHT THREAD!!!!

Touche...

In my opinion - it's not a matter of being "Touche", it simply needed to be said. Period.

and what has to be said???

January 7, 2008

Oh Wow, I have been away from you guys and already you are talking about me behind my back, LOL.
Well now, where do I start.

Yes, I have been through the ringer in some very bad and detrimental relationships, since my "friend" had to put me on blast, and yes, I have taken my self off of the market, and....NO, I am not going to entertain the adult "alternative recreation devices" industry, thank you very much "Patti" it was a nice touch though

Lets see, to "Alex and KNL" she is not in love with me, she just loves me as a little sister...and that is just wierd, eewwwww

To "Chis, Zee, Efia, Be, Queen, Omoba" and everyone else,

I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY CYBER HEART for explaining this to my associate, *cough* friend since "diapers". I can't believe she actually put that in here . I have been attempting to enlighten her on the aspects of my new life and all that it entails, but being from chi-town and having to adopt/adapt to the "fake it to make in order to survive" mentality is more than a mantra, if you are not strong enough, it can consume you and your psyche and thus manifesting itself into your life.

I broke away from the majority of that and took lifes lessons with me, I cut loose some very toxic people and I only kept around those that were tried and true.

The young lady that started this thread, they don't come no more tried and no more truer.

She is definitely a ride or die chick from the west side of chicago and I thank God for her, and for her keeping me grounded.

So that being said, this thread can close now if the MODs' see fit.

Peace to everyone.

UNO

P.S. To Chis, you are very perceptive, she is not going to lose me or our friendship, just like I was blessed to have my comforter manifested in my husband, she is gaining an extension of me, manifested in my husband who is going to love her as one of his sisters.

She and I have/had to learn to stop punishing everyman for what we did not get from our fathers or past relationships and allow God to bring people (husbands/wives) into our lives and show us his (Gods) love and then learn how to accept his (Gods) love through these people.

Well, I don't know the kind of friendship U have with the OP but I know something and that something is that she is trying to get inbetween a marriage with whatever she has posted and if ur husband ever has the opportunity to see what she posted, am sure he wouldn't like her one bit. From what I read of her post, she sounded more angry with the fact that she is lossing the time u both give each other and the way U have fun together and the reason for all these is the african man U married who is sea far away.

But again, let me advise U and will use the word please here. Keep ur friend as a friend and ur husband as ur husband. Why? becos when it gets into the stage whereby ur husband wants you to choose between him or ur friend then you know U have got it wrong along the line. Either U didn't straighten some stuffs out on time and allowed an outer force inbetween your marriage. Why am I saying this? cos I don't want another woman coming here and keep posting she got scamed by an african man. There are things african men can't stand and am sorry to say, u r heading towards that path.

January 7, 2008

I totally agree that the only stupid question is a question not asked but at the same time I must add that a stupid question will always get a stupid answer.

January 7, 2008

Hello All
I am a late to the conversation, so if I am repeating something somebody has already mentioned please accept my apology. I will ask you "friend" if you and your "friend" would see a counselor together? Church counselor etc. The reason why I mention this, is that I feel there are two separate issues here. One is mourning the loss of a friendship and the other is trying to obtain clarity from your friend's recent behavior. I think the VJ family can give much insight to the visa process and explain much about our feelings and experiences with an SO from another country. However, I believe that if you can find understanding in the friendship realm you will continue to be the friend when hubby arrives, when they have kids, fights and making up after the fights.

VJ is just one step to many more steps because everything does not end with the issuance of that VISA.

Damn, chipas U spoke my mind. I hope she is not going to be too involve with her friends marital life that will cause their marriage more problems when he arrives cos it seems she is tryin to be a god mother to a married woman. This can lead to wrong advise when normal everyday issues couples have start arising after they start living as husband and wife.

My advise to the OP is respect a marriage even if it is made from another planet. U might have been friend from diapers but once she is married and has that man's name attached to hers, remember now that ur friendship goes into another chapter and try as much as U can to stay away from their marital matters. What am trying to say is that U shouldn't be the one to jump into concluding for ur friend on what her husband is or is not.

I just have a big feeling of future problems that might get worse by a wrong advise from a long time friend. Don't U think that it's I time U get urself a man to keep U occupied and less interfering with people's marital life? We ain't getting younger and sometimes the clubing and game playin gets old and we want to start thinking about a family, becos we don't find that fun on the dancing floor no more. From reading ur post, it seems you are angry with the fact and you feel like this man from Ghana is keeping ur friend from enjoying what you both would normally enjoy, like going to clubs and having fun together. For this reason you starting to hate him and trying to have her cheat on him. Please don't think am trying to be rude, No am not but just trying to make U understand that there will be a time when ur friend and her husband will be going thru some adjustments (both cultural and personality wise) and that adjustment doesn't come easy, it comes with misunderstanding and during that process they will get to see the real life and get to love each other better if they're strong enough. Do urself a favor, don't get too involve during this process. And if afterall it didn't work between them, let them find this themselves and decide wherever they want to head in the marriage. I hope U understand what im saying here? Since U asked a question and been that I have experience this process, I have decided to add more answers to what U don't know yet and will encounter later on.

January 3, 2008

The USC bears the responsibility to evaluate the relationship and the individual he/she wants to petition and it is his/her signature
on the affidavit of support by his/her choice. If this is not done with eyes wide open then deal with it and move on.

One only has themselves to blame and be accountable for one's action instead of expecting the USCIS to now spend more tax dollars

to investigate an accusation of fraud when there is no obvious proof, signed documentation or concrete evidence of fraud.

It is your word against his and that is that. Do you have 100% proof ? If not I don't want my tax dollar spend on the USCIS going on a wild goose chase of a woman scorned.

He left me is not substantial evidence and it is not the USCIS's job to act on behalf of the USC and spend hours finding out what happened.

Sorry people get scammed. Take responsibility for the choices you have made and stop looking to use ICE for revenge who are busy

catching criminals and terrorists and are not concerned with petty ' he left me ' issues.

Let us bring this from an emotional perspective into hard reality of the way immigration works.

Report it if you must and please stop being redundant in this forum, adjust your expectations of USCIS and understand their function.

No one has heard or ever will hear Victors side so we will never fully understand what really happened and this is beating a dead horse

and I am tired of the merry-go-round with the same old deportation rally.

There can be no objectivity without knowing both sides and everything is just speculation.

There truly is no comparison between Besanging and Idocares posting though both have suffered, I agree with Ogele on how different

the reaction from both has been.

If the Nigerian bashing continues I will take it up with Admin. Every thread is coming down to idocares fight for deportation issue and frankly

it has brought this very informative, supportive and educational light hearted forum down hill and is picking up speed.

It is not about you every single time Idocare and most of us are tired of being fraud spoonfed to the point of nausea in EVERY thread.

Could you please grace us with some board etiquette !

There are other message boards out there and yahoo groups with focus on fraud where you can constantly rally your deportation opinion but

as Destiny said this is an immigration board and not a deportation/fraud message board. At the very least keep in in the appropriate forum.

The point is you are pushing everyones limits here and enjoyment in this forum is not what it used to be.

We are all big girls and can handle ourselves just fine. Thank you.

Not trying to sound mean and offensive just tired of it.

One more thing I needed to add is that when someone is diagnosed of having a problem, it is one thing to be diagnosed and another to accept having the problem before U start to heal. If U don't accept having a problem, how can U start the process of healing???

January 3, 2008

Each time I read a message from IDOCARE. I wish her husband victor can come on this forum someday, post his said of the story so that we can get both sides. I know am not the only one that feels that same way though.

Meant to say his side of the story. I'm at work while trying to post a fast one (smile)

January 3, 2008

Each time I read a message from IDOCARE. I wish her husband victor can come on this forum someday, post his said of the story so that we can get both sides. I know am not the only one that feels that same way though.

January 2, 2008

Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead (but its what gets me through the day sometimes).......When I flew to Nigeria I used Orbitz to book my flight. When I checked their flights, and those similar; cheaptickets.com, etc..they said that they don't book flights that originate from other countries. I'm trying to get an idea of what the cost might be for a one way ticket from Nigeria to NY. Of course this will depend on many factors. But besides going on the Airlines website, do you know of any other websites that compare prices for tickets originating from Nigeria? Also, do you think that it would be cheaper if I booked the flight from the US or if I sent him the money and he purchased the ticket in Nigeria? I once 'heard' that sometimes the cost of the ticket is based on what they feel you could pay (based on your country). Any suggestions?? Thanks.

Cheaper to get from nigeria thru a travel agency.

Well,i dont know if u have alraedy purchased the ticket or not.I came over on a k-1 visa in june and i came with a direct flight from Nigeria to newyork.My wife booked the flight for me online through north american airline.I think their website is www.naa.com.My wife booked the flight and give them my e-mail address,their sent me the confirmation and i went to murtala muhammed airport to pay for the ticket.North american airline have an office in murtala muhammed airport.Or he can buy the ticket at any branch of UBA that is accredited to sell their ticket.He only need to show the confirmation of the online booking,which he will print out from his e-mail.It cost me 1260 dollars,ofcourse that was in june 2007.Good luck.Travel agents are very costly.

wow! thats a good deal then. When I came early 2006. there wasn't that benefit of a direct flight from lagos to newyork.

We couldn't find a ticket less than 1500 dollar from the U.S for just one way. Someone I met at the embassy and made friend with then gave me a contact to a travel agency and right now as I type am looking at the receipt, it only cost me 136,800.00 naira. although it was KLM and had to stop at amstedam for connecting flight, north west airline. Like I said there was no direct flight from Lagos to Newyork then. good deal but at the same time the OP can compare prices and see what is best for her and her spouse rite now. Never bad to do some research.

If I'm calculating it right, 136,800 N should be about one thousand dollars, tho now it seems the dollar has less value in 9gia these days; about 118N per dollar compared to approx. 127N per dollar when I was there just months ago. I've found KLM to be on the expensive side, but $1000 is not bad at all. I checked Kayak and a one-way ticket is roughly $1300 to NYC. Not bad, and very close to what NAA was offering. Thanx for all your input.

Yea, ya quite rite. The exchange rate has change alot from what it used to be. I don't know how klm do it but I think they give the acredited travel agency a big break. I remember we tried getting this same ticket on klm site and the price was so high there, infact when I was told by the agency how much it would cost me, I thought someone is trying to scam me until I got my travel intineary. Anyway which way U wanna go bout it, wish U and ur spouse speedy reunification

January 2, 2008

Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead (but its what gets me through the day sometimes).......When I flew to Nigeria I used Orbitz to book my flight. When I checked their flights, and those similar; cheaptickets.com, etc..they said that they don't book flights that originate from other countries. I'm trying to get an idea of what the cost might be for a one way ticket from Nigeria to NY. Of course this will depend on many factors. But besides going on the Airlines website, do you know of any other websites that compare prices for tickets originating from Nigeria? Also, do you think that it would be cheaper if I booked the flight from the US or if I sent him the money and he purchased the ticket in Nigeria? I once 'heard' that sometimes the cost of the ticket is based on what they feel you could pay (based on your country). Any suggestions?? Thanks.

Cheaper to get from nigeria thru a travel agency.

Well,i dont know if u have alraedy purchased the ticket or not.I came over on a k-1 visa in june and i came with a direct flight from Nigeria to newyork.My wife booked the flight for me online through north american airline.I think their website is www.naa.com.My wife booked the flight and give them my e-mail address,their sent me the confirmation and i went to murtala muhammed airport to pay for the ticket.North american airline have an office in murtala muhammed airport.Or he can buy the ticket at any branch of UBA that is accredited to sell their ticket.He only need to show the confirmation of the online booking,which he will print out from his e-mail.It cost me 1260 dollars,ofcourse that was in june 2007.Good luck.Travel agents are very costly.

wow! thats a good deal then. When I came early 2006. there wasn't that benefit of a direct flight from lagos to newyork.

We couldn't find a ticket less than 1500 dollar from the U.S for just one way. Someone I met at the embassy and made friend with then gave me a contact to a travel agency and right now as I type am looking at the receipt, it only cost me 136,800.00 naira. although it was KLM and had to stop at amstedam for connecting flight, north west airline. Like I said there was no direct flight from Lagos to Newyork then. good deal but at the same time the OP can compare prices and see what is best for her and her spouse rite now. Never bad to do some research.

January 2, 2008

Maybe I'm thinking too far ahead (but its what gets me through the day sometimes).......When I flew to Nigeria I used Orbitz to book my flight. When I checked their flights, and those similar; cheaptickets.com, etc..they said that they don't book flights that originate from other countries. I'm trying to get an idea of what the cost might be for a one way ticket from Nigeria to NY. Of course this will depend on many factors. But besides going on the Airlines website, do you know of any other websites that compare prices for tickets originating from Nigeria? Also, do you think that it would be cheaper if I booked the flight from the US or if I sent him the money and he purchased the ticket in Nigeria? I once 'heard' that sometimes the cost of the ticket is based on what they feel you could pay (based on your country). Any suggestions?? Thanks.

Cheaper to get from nigeria thru a travel agency.

January 1, 2008

Bashorun says:
Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent.

Ogele says:

Your words speak truth.

Bashorun says: why?

becos this is the stiring(strng?) in which our parents raised us with.

Ogele says:

Huh? What are you talking about here?Your parents raised you an ethnic irredentist?An ethnic xenophobist?Or in international parlance,a racist?Mine did not raise me that way,and many of my ethnic stock do not think of the rest of our country’s ethnic groups that way.

Bashorun says:

This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn.

Ogele says:

Okay?

Bashorun says:

For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

Ogele says:

Baloney!Ever heard of the saying, “salutation is not respect”?I am Igbo,and we are taught never to bow or kneel to another man because such reverence is reserved for God only.If a person does not assist you in giving your woman orgasms,why in tarnation would you be bowing to him.The Igbo simply shake elders with two hands and averted eyes as a sincere sign of respect.If you prostrate in Igboland,you will receive a smack and a humiliating sneer such as, “how about I come by tonight and help you warm your wife’s rump?”Even then,I was always taught to respect other people’s cultures as sacred,and equal in weight in terms of the significance of what is being conveyed,as mine.

Bashorun says:

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of.

Ogele says:

Let me help you out of the ambiguity.Nigeria,nay Africa is comprised of many cultures,but it is a safe assumption that there exists an overwhelming mutuality in their philosophy of life.From their idea of marriage,family,hospitality,kindness,brotherhood,humanity and fairness,African cultures are the same.Variations might exist in the actual process say,the amount of dowry,but that is just about it.

Bashorun says:

If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome.

Ogele says:

Very well said!

Bashorun says:

why? becos like I said this is the stiring(string?)in which their parents has raised them with.

Ogele says:

Again,did they raise you,racist?

Bashorun says:

Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

Ogele says:

There is everything negative with your analysis.If not,why keep inserting the caveat?

Bashorun says:

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

Ogele:

Nothing successful about the tips.

Ogele or whatever U call urself. I know U very well understand my post if really U are a Nigerian and ur reply was actually not to correct me if am wrong but just becos U want to oppose whatever I said at all cost and if U would do this by going thru a way to even make urself look even more stupid than U intend to make me look on this board. Let me tell U, that is all U have succeeded in doing, making urself look stupid.

This is my reply to U and it is from a post from another Nigerian:

But it is dumb to not acknowledge that there are differences. I use the Iraq War as a prime example. How can you go in not knowing the difference between a Sunni, Shiite and Kurd? You can treat everyone with respect but at least have some knowledge going in. Same applies here. If you have an international spouse and you don't know anything about their culture, you are going to have a steep learning curve.

Even though both me and my wife are Igbo, me being born and raised in US and her in Nigeria, has led to some very awkward and funny times, especially regarding gender roles and customs (and I go back often - i.e. drinking everything with a straw, no bag ticket checker at airport when retrieving bags, ID for everything, no bargaining over prices at store - very funny 1st time this happened).

I'm not going to even try to waste my time explaining my post to U cos I know U understand everything I said in that post and as I said it the way it is but becos U so eager to make urself look stupid (not me) This is why I kept saying not anything negative becos I know someone like U is going try try twist it all around. U just can't wait and think before U post back at me. Where the hell does race come in with what we talking about here? we talking about tribe and U talking about race. I hope U didn't drink to much in anticipation of celebrating the new year and if U did please don't drive, becos if U drive then ur ### is gonna end up in jail.

December 31, 2007

Bashorun, I am not sure why you addressed me because I am in agreement with your post. And I have and will continue to study the
Mende tribe ( my fiance's tribe ). Since there is very little out there and I am not able to live there among his people for now I am looking towards general African culture as some of it overlaps and is still helpful even if it is not Mende. The book I and Forchika mentioned in the other thread being a perfect example of very helpful down to earth practical tips for western wives.

I agree, a marriage with one being from a different tribe has adjustments to make too. So does a same tribe city / country mix couple.

Omoba, I'm not bashing or either am I against anything U said, I just chose to address my comments to U becos U sound very enligtened and sincere about each every comment U made on VJ. I know am not the only one that sees it. So it like am talking to U and not someone with attitude ready to start a fight on VJ with me. U get ma point? thanks.

December 31, 2007

African countries were carved out of colonial holdings with no thought to the boundries of the people included. Many tribes spread past the bondries set up by the Europeans. To try to minimalize someones hertitage is not honoring them. Just as the settlers in America would have loved to lumped all Native Americans into one group and then herd them into a single home people here are trying to take this separate rich cultural entities and lump them together. I find it rather sad that this is happening. There are vast differences amoung the teaching and histories of each tribe. There have been enough differences between tribes in Africa that they tend to reform themselves in to nations based on tribal lines and erase those of European conquest. I am not saying one is better than another but they different people with different histories.

Omoba, Now I don't completely know the agenda of the OP towards this topic but I know the impact culture plays in a marriage, so even if the OP has some agenda rather than one that I have, i might end up changing any negativety the OP's post would bring after U completely read my reply. there is truly no way U can completely understand a nigerian without actually first of all understanding the tribe he or she comes from. Nigeria is a well diverse country with about or over 200 ethnic groups, correct me if am wrong. This doesn't mean someone is trying to generalize or stereotype in any way. It is just the fact, we have a rich culture attached to each every tribe and which really makes it impossible to actually know someone in the real sense if U ignore learning as much as U can about the culture and tribe that person represent. why? becos this is the stiring in which our parents raised us with. This goes both ways between the husband and wife but becos we actually living here in america, africans has a bigger share of the adjusting of american culture to learn. For an example, it is generally known that a yoruba boy is raised with so much respect for the elders that it tells with the way he greets and address someone that is more older than him. So with this U can easily pick a yoruba boy within a group of boys.

I am not trying to say a tribe is better than the other but there are ways our culture impart our way of life and this doesn't mean anything negative, actually am looking at the positive aspect of culture in which i gave an example of. If a marriage fails, it doesn't solely fail becos of culturer differences, it mostly fails becos either or both couple are ignorant and selfish to understanding the impact culture has in a marriage. Remember it doesn't have to be an international marriage before culture becomes a big part of it, even in nigeria marrying someone from another tribe, like a yoruba man married an igbo woman. From an american view, this is a marriage between africans but as a Nigerian we know there are culturer difference between the couple they have to overcome. why? becos like I said this is the stiring in which their parents has raised them with. Again, nothing negative with what I said here.

We learning the american culture so wouldn't it be wise for an american spouse to learn the foreign spouse culture which actually U can achieve only when U understand the tribe where the spouse is from. This would help the marriage during the process of adjusting to american life by the foreign spouse. U would be making a big mistake saying U are learning african culture, like i said Nigeria has a diverse culture. So to close this, learn the culture of the tribe ur SO represent to better understand him or her. Just another successful marriage tips.

December 31, 2007

My EX is from the Yoruba tribe. My Nigerian friends called him a Lagos Boy after we split. Is that also an inside joke?
I'm thoroughly convinced that my EX's behavior had nothing to do with custom, culture or tribal issues. Even his own people couldn't understand what he was doing and why. His were his own personal worldview issues. Hope this helps.

Well Besangin. in Nigerian, a Lagos boy is one that is smart, intelligent, civilized and at the same time enlingtened to many things. Lagos can be compared to one place in america but not in terms of economy and that city is new york. Just like in new york, u have to be really smart to live in lagos. This is what i think the nigerians here meant when they call ur ex lagos boy and actually not a word use in degrading.

December 30, 2007

Reading all the posts - successes and disappointments, I am curious. Me and my wife spoke about it but want to see some evidence. Now this might stir up a hornet's nest but we are all adults here (I hope). If it is too controversial, then let it drop.
Where are most of your spouse's coming from?

West - Yoruba

South South - Edo/Delta state (many groups such as Ijaw, Bini, Esan)

South East - Igbo

North - Hausa

Disclosure, me and wife are Igbo. Thanks.

and what "evidence are u looking for? Is there a thinking that maybe there is a significance as to what tribe/state a person is from that may suggest if they will be a success or disappointment to their SO?

Just asking!!!!

My theory is that most are Igbo. Good and bad. I am not looking to say one group is more likely to have success and another to have disappointments. I might be biased since that is the group I am mostly around so I want to see if I am right. Hopefully, this won't cause a "census" issue here on VJ (inside joke for Naija people).

As a Nigerian, I for one understands where the OP is coming from. although am yoruba and had thought about it, thinking most Nigerian SO's here are from the Igbo tribe. But been on VJ for some years and been able to talk with a few of VJ naija members, with the fact that U can put together the screen name of some of the VJ members to give u an idea of where in nigeria their SO is from. I found out it is close between the igbo and yoruba tribe.

December 28, 2007

WHOA...hold on there
First off...I am not the one who turned a positive post about lovin and prayin for all the people of the world who are less fortunate, into a negative post about assuming the original poster was in someway tryin to say something different! It is very plain to see that her first comment was a personal account of her feelings about "her" family. Not about every Nigerian or African family. The rest of it was thoughtful and loving.

U the one who needs to pick ur fights. I have seen tons of posts on here bashing Nigerians and Africans, why don't u go there and rile things up.

Sounds like u are angry with the way u are being treated by people in your everyday life..Well those are issues to take up with them... The people on VJ are not ur enemy. Out of all the people in America, dont u think those of us married to, or engaged to Africans are in better understanding? We kno as much as we could possibly kno without having lived or been raised there. No one can ever kno another culture fully if they were not born into it. Same with u coming here...u will gain understanding, learn more every day, and settle into the norm...but u will never be an AMERICAN, just like none of us will be an AFRICAN. The advantage u have is that u get to live and experience our lifestyle to better understand it. We only have the short time we spend in Africa, and what our husband shares with us, to learn by.

My point is...dont blame us for not being able to kno everything. And plsssssssssss dont put us in the category with the ignorant people u speak of.

Where did I come from u ask....I came from the ghetto of the the Bronx NY...and I am proud to say I am a well educated, professional black woman who came up from poverty on my own. I have been coming to this site for a long time and just reading everything. But the tone of this forum has gotton so negative that I cant hold my tongue anymore. I came to this thread specifically becuz I thought it was a positive posting when I clicked on it. But as usual, it got turned around as so many of them do on here. Its such a shame.

If u want to educate...try starting in your own backyard. And get used to people making false judgements about u....its human nature. (I got my share of "american" sterotypes when I was in Nigeria) Just dont blame everyone for the ignorance of a few.

Well, what else can I say, U missing the point and I can see U just wanna fight, well am not ready for that. Am not going to be a part of the kind of attitude U ready to bring on, so enjoy VJ the way it is.

December 27, 2007

Hello Bashorun,
You have quoted me, but I agreed with your impression of the posting. I do not feel that the OP meant harm in her posting and it was filled with love and compassion formed from her United States perspective.

My impression is that Nigerian people are pride filled people. They work hard, worship hard, and value family.

Maybe you quoted me because I was the last post, but it looks like your are talking to me.

When I first read the post I thought the same thing as Bashurom. My husband's family and culture is so rich in tradition. I am looking forward to him sharing/incorporating that with our family. I think the traditions of family and church at Christmas are most important. Living inspirit with the reason why we celebrate Christmas.
Next year any gifts that are swapped at home have to be hand made, recycled, or made in the state of Maine.

My nieces spent the weekend in preparation for our family get together on Sunday before Christmas. My niece of 5 years said "I do not need Christmas gifts from you, because being here with you is like a gift." I was so moved.

Well sorry sister but someone has to correct the wrong impression americans has about africa, and who is going to do that??? An african native just like me. U won't believe how ignorant people are about africa but at the same time i don't blame them alone but the media thats make it even worse. I fight it everyday at work becos some ignorant people think becos am from africa, i shouldn't have gotten educated, i shouldn't be able to talk the way i talk, i shouldn't be able to make a wise comment about an issue. And when they try to bring me down, they say he's from africa like that has to demerit any wise or constructive idea I have brought to the table. I have to start first by saying, excuse me, am from nigeria, a country like the United States and nigeria is a country from the continent of africa. Go back to geography class.

Hey if U can't stand a correction then u better not post. When we are ready to post in a forum like VJ then we should be ready for someone to be against what we think, if we don't want that then something is wrong in that picture. It would only go out of line if I desrespect the poster which i will never do with my comments but rather inform and educate the posted of what i seem to know better so we can all learn from each other at the end of it all. That is the reason for VJ isn't it?? The person that posted whatever she posted has addressed her issue properly where the hell did U come from? I think U don't have an idea of where to contribute ur vent but rather my just friendly way of addressing an issue that i may think is wrong about africa. So when next U want to pick a fight for urself, pls pick the right one, this one u picked is definately the wrong one.

Happy New Year in advance!

sorry bout that Mrs Jibowu, I was going to quote ebonyqueen but becos u r the last on the topic I made that mistake. Yeah I know the poster meant well but some people may take it the wrong way so for the benefit of everybody I decided to make the comment I made. Just imagine a Nigerian reading from a forum about someone saying why did U marry a Nigerian? they are dirty stinking people and they don't believe in deodorant!!! damn, that is the igorant kind of comment I was just not wanting someone else to pass on.

Probably they don't believe in deodorant becos they take a shower 2, 3 times a day and unlike some people that won't even take a shower for a week and all they do is use deodorant to cover what stinks. How many american SO here married to Nigerians are tired of seeing ur SO take a shower 2, 3 times a day??? That becos they believe in being clean the natural ways.

The reason why i replied to that comment is becos someone may be sitting and reading and at the same time get a negative impression from what the poster was actually trying to drive in. I will continue to spread the african gospel as much as i can, like they say knowledge is power rite? (smiling)

I don't normally post but i always read I only post when I see a wrong impression been made. But some of U may know me by Lekan.

Have a good one

December 27, 2007

When I first read the post I thought the same thing as Bashurom. My husband's family and culture is so rich in tradition. I am looking forward to him sharing/incorporating that with our family. I think the traditions of family and church at Christmas are most important. Living inspirit with the reason why we celebrate Christmas.
Next year any gifts that are swapped at home have to be hand made, recycled, or made in the state of Maine.

My nieces spent the weekend in preparation for our family get together on Sunday before Christmas. My niece of 5 years said "I do not need Christmas gifts from you, because being here with you is like a gift." I was so moved.

Well sorry sister but someone has to correct the wrong impression americans has about africa, and who is going to do that??? An african native just like me. U won't believe how ignorant people are about africa but at the same time i don't blame them alone but the media thats make it even worse. I fight it everyday at work becos some ignorant people think becos am from africa, i shouldn't have gotten educated, i shouldn't be able to talk the way i talk, i shouldn't be able to make a wise comment about an issue. And when they try to bring me down, they say he's from africa like that has to demerit any wise or constructive idea I have brought to the table. I have to start first by saying, excuse me, am from nigeria, a country like the United States and nigeria is a country from the continent of africa. Go back to geography class.

Hey if U can't stand a correction then u better not post. When we are ready to post in a forum like VJ then we should be ready for someone to be against what we think, if we don't want that then something is wrong in that picture. It would only go out of line if I desrespect the poster which i will never do with my comments but rather inform and educate the posted of what i seem to know better so we can all learn from each other at the end of it all. That is the reason for VJ isn't it?? The person that posted whatever she posted has addressed her issue properly where the hell did U come from? I think U don't have an idea of where to contribute ur vent but rather my just friendly way of addressing an issue that i may think is wrong about africa. So when next U want to pick a fight for urself, pls pick the right one, this one u picked is definately the wrong one.

Happy New Year in advance!

December 26, 2007

Thanks for explaining better to me your earlier comments. I replied in the first place bcos all some people think about africa is poverty and at first when i read ur mail i thought that was where it was heading to. I wasn't to be blamed tough cos anyone that reads that comment will quickly thing U are saying ur family in nigeria are poor thats why they can't get gift for relatives and all that for christmas. anyways, once again thanks for clarifying what you were actually trying to drive in with your comment.

Merry christmas

December 25, 2007

I would like to say that, although I am extremely thankful for all that I have in my life, and I thank God every day for his glory, I still cannot forget that my family in Nigeria is not so fortunate to have the kind of Xmas we are accustomed to here. It was very sobering to go out buying gifts, when I know that my husband and his family are not able to exchange gifts in the same way. I felt extremely guilty and even more depressed than I already feel.
So please lets all remember and say a prayer for all our families overseas..and all the people of the world who won't have presents to open, a feast to eat, a roof over their heads or clothing to keep them warm!

God bless all God's children...and may the glory of God lay a soothing hand upon your shoulders. You are not alone in this world. We love you and are praying for you.

AMEN

It is very nice to hear U mentioned something like this but at the same time remember africans have their own special ways of celebriting christmas even if they don't go out of their ways to get a christmas gift, they have their own culture of christmas which is rich and family oriented. Not buying a gift doesn't mean they are having a christmas lacking of spice like u think u have here, that would be a mistake if that is what U think probably after ur spouse told U they won't be buying gifts for christmas. But remember they will be sitting together and enjoying their favorite african food, dancing and showing real joy for christmas. In either ways they definately will be having a fun joyful time like U are experiencing here in america. I have been living in america for some years now and still think the best christmas is in africa. Ask any african U know and they will confirm this. Why? becos that is how they know christmas is been celebrated.

I'm not trying to bring this into an argument but know a culture very well before u comment about it. it doesn't just go upon this topic alone but several other topics have read here. and each time i read something new, am like african spouse really has so much job to do in teaching what the culture is like.

I repeat again, not exchanging gifts during christmas in african doesn't mean africans are having a bad or poor christmas, Infact they exchange food instead of gifts, they are just doing it there own way and trust me, the joy that fills their heart during christmas can never be compared to any other.

November 7, 2007

To the husband...any woman who would want you or who would deal w/ you (after they find out you are a MARRIED man)..are probably desperate or has some kind of substance abuse problems. I am not a judgemental person...but I do have morals and values and I am speaking NOTHING but the truth. Stop playing games...invest in a PSP if you like playing them so much. Trust me, if you invest your time wisely...you would be so happy right now....you reap what you sow.

Very well said boo boo. the reason why am not too quick to blame someone here is becos i have been a victim of abuse in my marriage and i know what it feels like to be abused in a marriage and at the same time manipulated with immigration. trust me, they r so many immigrant here going thru serious abuse from their spouses and when they try to stop the abuse they r been blackmail of using someone for a green card. Nobody should be made to live in an abusive marriage. Nobody should be made to live in an abusive marriage no matter what. trust me u haven't seen whats goin on in some peoples marriage, if u can see this then u will know how mean of a world we live in.

I have been waiting to hear something reasonable coming from the so called John Osey, but it sames like he's not matured enough or probably the person posting the message. I want to know how old the person posting these messages is anyway?

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