journeyinterupted

I say do what you need to do in order to have peace of mind. Yes there are cheaters in every culture but these are the only types of relationships were one party has so much to gain from the other. Like it or not that is the reality and you should be careful. It was mean to say she has self esteem issues. I was very suspicious at first because this was very different from any type of relationship I had and I had heard all of the horror stories. I trusted my then fiancé but was still just generally suspicious and worried that I would be used for a greencard. Again I know cheating happens everywhere and in the US but some of the awful things that these people do to other to gain financially or to get to the US is just sickening. So many stories I know of personally and it still just defies anything I have ever seen in my life.

I wouldn't hire a detective in his country if it is the country I think it is. The person could take your money and never be heard from again. I have known people that paid attorneys or other professionals for services and they took their money and did nothing.

I agree with a previous post to maybe show up for a surprise visit. You might also try surprising them with a new phone that allows you to monitor the call logs online from the US. I have known several people personally in situations where the man had more than one woman from different countries or states. It doesn't matter if he has introduced you to family or friends because they are not going to rat him out. They have one woman there one week and another woman the next week and everyone including family goes along.

I am not ignorant enough to generalize and say that every man from this country is corrupt but I do believe you have to be careful in some countries more than others. Even USCIS knows this and labels some countries as high fraud countries for a reason. Sorry if it offends some but there is a significant segment of the primarily male population engaging in such activities and giving the rest of the country a bad rap. I pray it doesn't happen to anyone but you have to be smart, follow your gut and be a bit more diligent. Yes long distance relationships are hard and require a lot of trust. But in my opinion if my fiancé lives across the country or two states over being in the US allows me to check them out a bit easier. Being in another country and in a country were many turn a blind eye because they benefit adds an entirely different level.

I don't mean to be negative but this is serious business. You have a lot to loose financially and emotionally if you end up with one of the bad eggs. They are serious manipulators and you end up broken down emotionally. Listen to your gut.

It is hard but you need to move on and not look back for your safety and that of ur child. I dont want to start the bs again but I do believe there are other cultures that are less advanced in thinking as it relates to violence against women. It isn't necessarily every male from such cultures but as a WHOLE certain cultures are more tolerable or look the other way when it comes to physical and emotional abuse of women. I had this same problem with my husband for the first year. I had to send some very clear and stern messages that this was not acceptable. One of those lessons came from the police. I know personally of 4 other women married to men from the same country as my husband and they have had same issue. Not to say everyone has this issue but I think it is problematic when dealing with men from certain cultures and socio economic levels in those countries. The same way here in US in some ways. I suspected my husband had the same disorder as the original poster. I still am not sure. But I find it a common theme to blame others, not be accountable, self centered and overly concerned with self preservation. Maybe a by product of how some have grown up in some of the 3rd world countries . I think being taken out of their element is a very difficult transition for some and does bring out some very negative traits. So even If you did your best to know a person there is no way to know how they will function outside their environment or with these kind of stressors. I emphasize greatly for the poster and can relate. My situation got better and never got to the point of me being seriously injured. When I thought I was dealing with a narcissistic personality disorder I was prepared to walk because there is no hope in that situation as far as I can see.

I would change email accts and everything. He can log onto to Facebook

If he knows ur email password . He slogs onto acct like hotmail or yahoo . If Facebook sends notifications to those email addresses he can

Get to Facebook thru email acct.

I agree that FB us least of concerns Nigerians are very skilled at this. I would change everything and get the identity shield and put fraud alerts on all credit file with each credit agency. I would also file report with local police that u think u could be victim of identity fraud. I would also get a new drivers license number.

I opened a safe deposit box and put anything sensitive there

You do have to be proctive much harder to clean up on back end

Oh I would also get. Po box and change address to there. Have post office hold ur mail until u can get everything changed over

Is there no one out there that knows how to help this lady put an end to this ??

Would getting a congressional person involves help to bring attention to how we become victim to a person that scammed another and is terrorizing her for a Greencard

I think they are looking around because they know that things are going to end. Even after AOS they will need help financially so I think they are laying the groundwork and looking for that nest now. I don't think that was original intent but a part of their nature and survivalist nature. Not good but I think a product of how they grew up and where they are from

I have filed for divorce but afraid to take the next step. That was my point After that there is nothing that gets them immediately out of my apt, my life or my country

Replace them with him or her if that helps

The AOS has been files but not approved. I have files for divorce but am afraid to have my spouse served due to the vague threats

The AOS has been files but not approved. I have files for divorce but am afraid to have my spouse served due to the vague threats

Typing too fast on phone ignore typos

I didn't want to be gender specific because I am nervous about posting here. I am in a bad place and just need replies from those with serious advice. I think the nature of my post is clear without knowing if I am male female or if "them" is male female. VAWA is not a factor either

I married my spouse after a K1 and filed for AOS which has not been approved yet. The relationship has had some bumps along the way but I honestly thought things would get better. They haven't they have gotten worse and I don't see any hope. I made a serious error in judgement and maybe my spouse just doesn't understand what marriage is about. I have tried to hang in there thru the AOS but just can't take it any longer . I think my spouse realizes there is no hope and there are signs that they are already looking for the next nest because they still need financial support in the near future. There are some other things going on that make me VERY uncomfortable. My problem is that there have been very vague threats if I stop the process before the AOS is approved. I don't know if they are serious but I am a bit concerned. If I stop everything now and they are out of status no one comes to pick them up right away. I am just as afraid of them hanging around illegally knowing I stopped the process. Should i just fund a way to get they AOS and then move on? Though i am concerned about being ties to aimeone that reacts this way. I do not belueve there was fraud. I think we both entered with good intentions it just doesnt wirk. Has anyone ever been in this situation? Post here or send me a private message. Didn't know where else to turn .

Sorry for typos.

I hope you will be strong and make the right decision now. Your gut is telling you what to do but your heart wont let you. This will be a lot easier to do now and while he is still in Jamaica. If you bring him here as other posters have said...he WON'T change and you will have invested even more money, emotion and time. Please love yourself more and have the courage to do this while you have a relatively easy out.