Good answer and I totally agree. I am divorved from a Filipina and now married to Filipina. Ex and I have a child together and she has custody. They live across the country. My ex and I are not on good terms and probably never will be. Our comunication, which is rarely by phone and mostly e-mail with me sending her travel itinerary for my daughter - is just about that and only that. Sometimes I have to blast her when she is being extra stupid, but other than that we do not communicate.
Even if we were on the best of terms, she and I are both re-married now. Not only out of respect for my new wife, Ritchie, but also in the best interest of moving on, any communication with my ex would be extremely limited in content and rare in occurances. Life would be a lot easier and less stressful for our daughter if my ex and I could be civil to each other. I can be, but she can't. And I do not allow her to be disruptive in my life AT ALL. She would never dare try to communicate to my current wife, She knows me too well. And Ritchie is not the type to want to get into any drama. To this day she has never said even one negative word about my ex, and believe me there are ample opportunities to do so!. She even has a way of settling me down when the ex has outdone herself in the stupid department with our daughter and I am ready to go off. But Ritchie never fuels the fire (which sometimes subconciously I think I am looking for!), but actualy has a way of difusing the whole thing. Wow. What a gift she is, and so good for me because I am very low tolerance when it comes to the ex even as hard as I try to hold back for my daughter's sake. I'm sure many know exactly what I mean. Ritchie is really good for me in that way, and her and my 12 year old daughter get along so great!
Yes, ex's should always kept at a distance, outside of proper boundaries no matter how civil the relationship especially when there is a new spouse and even when children are involved.
sure -
This is an example of a manipulative person without a conscience blaming you and putting you down, and it is exactly what someone treating their spouse like dirt will do. For this guy it is just sport, because he enjoys the idea of making a person who shows hurt feel even worse. But for a spouse it is to let them get away with bad behavior.
For example, when your spouse is having an affair they'll say how insecure you are, crazy, imagining things, that you are too suspicious or don't allow him time with his "friends" etc. If you were a decent wife then you'd let him screw the babysitter on the dining room table in front of you.
The only person whose business this is: YOU. I would never treat a wife as you have been treated nor would I put up with it. So I understand how you feel. But if your husband is making you unhappy then that's the sole issue for you. It is very common for a manipulative spouse to show affection to other people instead of you. Why? Because they know how it eats at you. They know how much stress it causes, and this weakens you. It wears you down. It puts you into a depression where you can't eat, can't sleep, can't think straight - it is emotional warfare to keep you in a weakened state and easier to manipulate. The text message during dinner was not to make his ex wife feel good so much as to put you down: watch me show you that you are less important than my ex-wife.
You said the right thing about going back home if he doesn't stop. That's right. It's what you have to do: either he treats you with respect or you go. There's no reason to live with a husband that does not put you first. What a miserable life.
