Mel and Rudy

I'm back!

Finally my parents know. Initially they asked me to surrender my credit card, pack up and never come back. I said okay. Then they tried to persuade me. I said they can kiss their daughter's Barbie. I was then politely told I wasn't welcome home anymore at least not for the foreseaable future and that in the future if they indeed are convinced that the relationship is real, they MIGHT just 'bless' us. Well what the hell, at least I got my credit card back right?

My interview is on the 15th of June. Mel's gonna be here tomo! (Our fouth meeting) After reading Sundancer's (http://www.visajourney.com/forums/topic/363676-nightmare-of-an-interview-mumbai-419/) sob story, I don't think we stand a very good chance.

Although in my case I would really do better if I am taken to a private room. I just need to be allowed to talk. In any case the CO can't really dig up any #### about us that we don't already know and he definitely cannot bullshit me about Mel either. I am not sure if I should take the bull by the horns though or just let it gore me. Either way we don't stand a chance eh?

Anyway visa or no visa we gotta do something right? So what the hell if she just got a spankin' new job that pays a butt load of money? Who needs money anyway. I'm gonna make her quit the job and move to India. It doesn't really matter if we are accosted by random horny punks on the street in India and get asked "what's the rate" cause you know we gotta prove a frikkin point to the Almighty CO right?

YWell what the hell, we'll make the damn point. Maybe I'll punch the next guy in the face who asks me "what's the rate" and proly get the ####### beat outta myself if he's got fellow punk buddies watchin' out for him and Mel will film the whole thing, put it on Youtube and send a link to the CO. (Gotta remember to take his e-mail address)

Or you know, we can just hole up at home and only go out to fancy places the kind where nobody bats an eyelid at anything. Oh yeah, I forgot, you gotta have money to go to fancy places! So hole up at home and then some it is!

Yes this is meant to be a cathartic post and no, it ain't banned under the TOU! It's also meant to be funny, so if anybody laughed and then remembered to wish us well, my job is done!

All the best to all other applicants! Life ain't easy, ask me!

So yeah, just sack up, try not to decimate your life's savings on lawyer fees and still try to have a good time!

Live long and prosper!

Your personal life or attitude towards your family is Not important here. Neither is the details of your relationship. Your reflag is A) the age gap B) at least at this point the fact that the parents don't know. Mumbai consulate usually in red flag filled cases contacts the families and compares stories, at least I have seen that happen 5+ times. So definitely tell the families the whole story and the truth and go in armed.

Thank you so much. One call to my mom and they will get the whole story.

But when should I tell her? I always thought I'll tell her right before they interview so I have fewer days to suffer. I guess I am just trying to be selfish here. I guess avoiding pain is selfish.

Should I tell her now? It's nearly 2 months to the interview. I got my exams in a month and if they give me hell I may not make it through. I am already seeing a psychiatrist and I got her to prescribe me anti-anxiolytics which is really affecting my attention span already. The problem is when you stop taking them, the anxiety comes back with a vengeance. What the doctors never tell you is that if you stop taking the drugs, you're screwed!

There is a lot you are wrong about but you are certianly right when you say you have above average emotional needs.

To get a green card you have to be granted a visa. To do that you have to work within the laws of the USA. Those laws dont dictate who you can marry. You can & should marry her right there in India. This way you dont have to comply with the K 1 criteria. You dont have to get a " fricken" green card at all. You could use the K 1 to enter to marry her here & then simply leave.

You could immigrate to later become a citizen then use that superior intellect to lobby to change those very laws that you hate. Use the working knowledge of the entire universe to help others understand the flaws & failures of the USA as we know it.

There is no Wizard of Oz sitting behind a curtian determining your fate. In reality he aged out & went to India to become enlightened. Now we just use the laws of the nation to control the immigration of people from outside the USA. It worked for me & it works for many more every year. Our journey was difficult but I have never done anything that was more worth every single moment it took to come here. This is truly the greatest country on earth.

Your problems seem to revolve around your relationship with your mother. Its really her that is going to decide who you marry. If thats the Indian way that evolved from long ago you may have to tell her how horrible it is to live with that concept.

Oh yeah definitely that is one of my long-term goals now to challenge these arbitrary practices in court once (if) I get to Uncle Sam. Not too familiar with the American legal system but I have heard they have one of the most efficient and elaborate judicial set-ups in the world so yeah, it should be happy-hunting!

And I almost imagined you were hinting at me a second time too following the Wizard's example cause I have planned to retire in the Himalayas and meditate for enlightenment if we can't pull this off.

Instead of b!tchin' on VJ -- which is cathartic, no doubt, but kind of pointless -- you should use your (very valid) argument to convince your momma.

I married a white boy. My parents absolutely adore their gora jamai.

Give it a shot!

Lucky you! You guys look really good together! With my parents it's not so much about the race as much as the age gap.

And also they'd have a problem that she's taller than all the women in my family put together.

I think it all stems from an inferiority complex and also the mindless Bollywood portrayal of white women as women of easy morals gives them ideas. Every item song has skimpily clad white women waltzing around and drooling over this muscular Indian hunk. Duh! It's about bloody time Bollywood cleans up its act.

I just told Mel that I'm gonna gonna tell my family the truth. She still wants me to lie and I understand her cause she just wants to meet my mom. Also she's worried my parents might go batsh!t crazy and go to any lengths to get me to call this off which of course ain't gonna happen.

I just hope she doesn't regret ever meeting me. It helps though that she's half Indian and knows quite a bit about the Indian way of life. If I was born and brought up abroad I would have never understood!

Instead of b!tchin' on VJ -- which is cathartic, no doubt, but kind of pointless -- you should use your (very valid) argument to convince your momma.

I married a white boy. My parents absolutely adore their gora jamai.

Give it a shot!

Lucky you! You guys look really good together! With my parents it's not so much about the race as much as the age gap.

And also they'd have a problem that she's taller than all the women in my family put together.

I think it all stems from an inferiority complex and also the mindless Bollywood portrayal of white women as women of easy morals gives them ideas. Every item song has skimpily clad white women waltzing around and drooling over this muscular Indian hunk. Duh! It's about bloody time Bollywood cleans up its act.

I just told Mel that I'm gonna gonna tell my family the truth. She still wants me to lie and I understand her cause she just wants to meet my mom. Also she's worried my parents might go batsh!t crazy and go to any lengths to get me to call this off which of course ain't gonna happen.

I just hope she doesn't regret ever meeting me. It helps though that she's half Indian and knows quite a bit about the Indian way of life. If I was born and brought up abroad I would have never understood!

Another question.

If I tell my mom the truth and she declines to meet Mellie or even sign the affidavit, will the CO be okay with that?

There's a REALLY good chance my mom will wash her hands off me and publicly (and legally if that were possible) disown me if I tell her the truth. I'll be goddamned if after everything, they still deny the visa!

Is the affidavit and the pictures with family ABSOLUTELY necessary?

It seems like the devil or the deep blue sea!

This is the 21st century for chrissake! I don't understand how Indian parents can have such ancient mentalities to the detriment of their own children! I am a grown man with a working knowledge of the entire universe and yet I am not good enough to decide who is good for me? It's a travesty!

And the consulates want family approval! If I had family approval and if Indians didn't treat like us like a prostitute-pimp pair, I wouldn't need that visa in the first place! I mean what kind of a senseless catch-22 devoid of any semblance of logic is this?

If you ask me, the whole system is flawed! First of all, I don't even want a frikkin greencard if this what we have to go through! There ought to be a parallel mechanism where one can get a conditional residence permit by virtue of being married to a citizen of a nation.

How can one let the law dictate whether or not you get to marry the person you love?

And one man decides our fate? Why can't they have a panel of judges with some credentials in human psychology in order to reduce the role of personal bias?

They have a 15 trillion dollar economy so a twenty-five something year old guy can decide which one of their citizens can get married and which one doesn't?

They have distorted the meaning of democracy. So much for fighting the commies.

Another IMPORTANT question I forgot to ask!

Should I lie to my parents about her age? My parents will never come and live with me so they will never find out if I told them she was 29 years old and even though that's only 4 years less, it still sounds WAY more agreeable than 33!

Will the CO have a problem with the lie? Would he understand that a single lie would keep everyone happy?

I'm pretty sure my mom will be MUCH more accepting if I told her Mel was only 29.

On the other hand, I will risk losing every single member of my family if I came out with the truth!

They will never understand that some people have different needs. My mom has never accepted that I am not the average guy with average intelligence and emotional needs.

NOTHING I say will ever convince her that I can be happy with a woman who is 33 years old regardless of how wonderful the woman is.

My own friends think I am just messing around with Mel which comes as a shock to me. Indian people are highly judgmental and sometimes no amount of reasoning will help!

HELP!!!

I'm stressed outta my wits reading up all the horror stories here. I never knew getting married to my American fiancee would be so nerve-wracking! Jeez, this should by far be the most stressful thing I have gone through in my life, worse even than law school!

I am gonna try and pen down as many details as I can. Please do consider all of them and tell me our prospects.

I am male, 24 years old, Indian and I am the beneficiary.

My fiancee is 33 years old, USC (half-Indian half-Jew) but looks very un-Indian and is the petitioner.

I'm a final year law student, she's an editor at a legal database company.

We met online in Oct, 2010. She e-mailed me. Since then we have met 3 times in person and she is coming down for the interview too which should be in May. We are going through the Mumbai Consulate. (Will she be allowed in?)

We're both extremely progressive; we are irreligious (Our parents are not!) are both never married with no issues.

Her parents, even though religious do not have a problem with the marriage.

My parents, are well-educated, come from Bangalore but are quite conservative although not as much as other Indian families but enough to not be happy with my marriage to someone who is 9 years older and someone who they know nothing about and might even be averse to meeting in person.

Some details about me.

My parents are both professionals who have been very busy with work their whole lives and I myself grew up in a boarding school and then attended law school in a different city hence have no family-bonding issues.

Anyway some more about Mel and me.

Both of us I should say are average looking although we look nothing like a couple. She's 5'10" and very lanky. I am 5'5" and athletic. I don't look 24. She looks different at different times of the day, week and year. She can look 25 and she can also look 40!

I never knew they can consider people's looks! I think it's positively abhorrent that one has maintain such things as looking like somebody would love you! I'm furious!

We're both very intellectual and anyone who sees us talk for a few minutes will have no doubt that we are made for each other but tough luck getting the CO to do a case-study on us eh?

We've both been in a lot of relationships before so we know what we have found is incredible. Not a day goes by when we don't wonder how two absolutely random people like us had to cross paths and voila, we're planning to have kids! (Not too soon )

We have exchanged over 2,000 full-length e-mails in a span of a year and a half and we are planning to compose a book in multiple volumes signifying different stages of the relationship so that future generations can marvel at the event which, among other things resulted in their own formation.

We spend about 4 hours talking on the phone (We don't skype because I find it very difficult to look at her but not be able to grab her ) everyday and Gtalk through out most of the day.

We are separated by 8,400 miles but we literally sleep, wake up and sometimes even conduct our daily ablutions together.

My mom knows of a certain girl that I am 'dating', that she is not Indian but nothing more. No whiff of the marriage.

Mel has met my cousin sister and brother though and they are in love with her! (Who wouldn't be!)

I am going to tell my family about the marriage even though it's akin to stirring up a hornet's nest but I realize since I am gonna have to inform them sometime anyway, might as well do it now.

At best, they will be mildly unhappy with the whole thing and will agree to meet her when she comes down for the interview.

At worst, they will ask me to never show them my face again and will essentially banish.

I am ready for both scenarios and everything in between.

NOW FOR THE ISSUES

Mellie is very uncomfortable about coming to live here in India with me in case the visa gets denied and understandably so because the first time she came, she got sexually assaulted by a taxi driver among other things such as people passing snide remarks at us and the like.

We are very sensitive to any invasion of our privacy and living in India for however long seems like a nightmare which is only little better than living apart the way we are doing now.

Also I would feel like the worst host and husband on the planet if I could not provide her with a safe and conducive environment and I am absolutely not relishing the thought of having her wind up and come down to India for however long a period.

THE PROCESS SO FAR

We have submitted Packet 3 and are awaiting receipt of Packet 4.

In the initial petition, we included pictures of us in India (Goa, Pune, Bangalore) and Thailand. We had met twice when we filed the petition but she had already booked her tickets for a visit to India scheduled for January. Also phone records and e-mails and the works.

She also has pictures with my cousin brother and his girlfriend in Bangalore. (I am originally from there)

We went through a visa agent of her choice (I never knew this was gonna be so crazy!) so I had no idea about "front loading" the petition then and I still don't seem to fully understand what it means.

Anybody wanna tell me where we stand?

We are both not very social and pretty much only talk to each other. This whole process has caused us both a lot of stress and a scenario where the visa is denied seems like the end of the world for us.

Any advice regarding both pre-visa preparations and a potential post-denial course of action will be greatly appreciated.

Thanks