SaharaSunset

That leads to me. I feel guilty that HE feels guilty It's a vicious cycle! I feel like I can't tell him when I'm having a bad "missing home" day because it would compound his guilt. I feel like I have to remind him if I didn't want to be here, I wouldn't be but that would just lead him to thinking one day I'll just get sick of it and leave.

SO my advice from the immigrant perspective is: If he didn't want to be with you and live here he wouldn't have come. He is trying to make the best of the situation and it DOES get better. You constantly worrying about his happiness is good, but just draws attention to it and puts pressure on him to LOOK and ACT happy. You simply need to hope that if it WAS bad enough that he wanted to go home that he would tell you. You need to tell him you're open to the idea of moving back there if it gets so bad he can't stand it here BUT you also need to make sure he gives it a good go here first.

Hope that helps

Thanks for your reply! "The vicious cycle of guilt" is exactly what happens with us and reading that made me laugh! Anytime I ask him if he's okay and happy, he gets worried if I'm okay and happy, and the cycle goes on and on

Seriously, funny, true and comforting to know it gets better. Its sounds like you've given it a real chance, and I really am hopeful that my husband will with time, be truly happy here. Sometimes I do think he would tell me if he wasn't happy...but then I worry about that "cycle" and I worry that he won't want me to be unhappy, by telling me he's unhappy That's why I over-analyze his every move and comment, despite the fact that everything suggests he is happy and doing very well. Luckily, like you, our relationship is good and we talk about "feelings" a lot, which is helpful and keeps that open channel. We do also talk about someday - in the "post-children future" moving back to Morocco, and we're planning to visit often, next summer if we can etc.

And you're SO RIGHT about drawing attention to possible unhappiness. I do need to just relax and trust in what he says - that he IS happy. Thanks again for that reminder And hope things continue to go well for you! Cheers!

I have fleeting pangs of guilt every once in a while because I know my husband misses his family, and his life in Morocco. But, ultimately it was his choice to agree to live here rather than there. If living here is not working out for him, it's his responsibility to talk to me about it and we would work towards some solution. Every marriage is a series of compromises and give and take. Maybe at some point down the road, Morocco will be the right place for us, and I'll agree to living there, but for now it's not, and he's agreed to it. Try not to beat yourself up about it, or sell yourself short (ie - your comment - all he got was you).

I think people have described very long adjustment periods, so bumpy adjustment has definitely been experienced. Be patient with yourself and him during the adjustment. I had grand ideas about all the things my husband could do to be happy here and make the adjustment easier(join a soccer league, volunteer, taking English classes, etc, etc, etc). He wasn't interested in playing soccer but it was really important for him to access Moroccan soccer on the internet or tv; he got a job quickly and never volunteered; and his job interferred with the English class schedules). My point is - you can try to help him adjust & some of those things will work out and some of them won't. Life won't be perfect here or there. Be patient with yourself and with him, is my best advice.

Thanks for your advice! What you said is very true! And funny too. I had the same grand plans about soccer and English classes etc... ...none of which have happened But we did find a place that sell his beloved loose leaf (flowers) green tea, and he's made it multiple time a day since we bought it, and every time says "really, this is real Moroccan tea!"

So as I've been browsing on here a bit lately and there seems to be a running theme of most immigrants being VERY anxious to either get to, or stay in the U.S. regardless of who they hurt along the way(the "marriage fraud"-ers) or what happens to their marriage(the "how can I stay here even though our marriage is over"-ers). And I get it, I love America - its a wonderful place to be. But my husband was kind of the opposite. Not a hater of America, but honestly I don't think he ever considered living here, until I basically insisted we live here in the US. We met while I was traveling in Morocco, and in the early stages of our relationship, as we stayed in contact and visited, I think my (now)husband always assumed we'd live in Morocco. But when it got "marriage talk" serious, I insisted on the US. And my sweet easy going husband, of course agreed. But I know that was not his first choice and that he was making a huge consession for me. He didn't tell me that, and he never would because he is the most considerate and kind man in the world....it really was a huge consession for him because he loves his family, loved his job and LOVES his country I assured him with his skills and talents he'd find good work here and we'd have a good life. I still believe this of course, but I worry about his happiness ALL the time.

I wanted to live here for an array of reasons; partly because I wasn't sure if our marriage could handle the strain of me far from my family and being homesick, (I'm not so easygoing as he is ), and partly because I am used to the comforts of my life here, and partly for religious reasons, and partly because my husband had his own business in Morocco that was very successful, but required him to be on the road about 85% of the time - which would have left me alone a lot. All these things are simply my justifications for wanting to stay here, where I speak the language, and am comfortable.

So now to the feeling guilty...mostly I feel it because although I do feel that my husband is happy in general, I also sense that he would be equally happy(if not happier) to go back and live in Morocco. Every time the subject comes up, he has a twinkle in his eye and always says "if you want to live there, then we go live there." And he says it in a smiling, mischievious, "testing the waters" kind of way, but secretly hoping I'll suddenly say, ok. I know he is a little homesick. When I ask him if he's happy he always says "yes, very happy" - but I know he mostly means happy to be with me.

Now again, I'm not posting because of any red flags from him, or any fights or really anything more than the nagging guilt that plagues me internally on this subject. I'm not sure if its normal, but I really am struggling with some MAJOR guilt about asking him to give up everything to come here and be with me. I also feel a huge amount of self-pressure to make everything, including myself, perfect for him so he'll be happy. For example, I want him to love where we live, an to find a job he loves, and to love all American food, and to love my cooking, and pretty much just to love everything - which of course I know is totally unrealistic. Maybe its just the typical "inherent" female pressure inside our own heads?... Ahhhh!

I feel like I got the much better end of the bargain - I got to keep my life and my job, and my family close, AND I get to be with the most incredible man in the world....and he just got me.

Anyway, Sorry, but I just need to vent some of this internal guilt, and I'm curious if anyone else out there has felt this kind of guilt for bringing there loved one here? And does anyone have any ideas how to get over it..or may reassurance that its a normal phase that will pass???

Although it may be true that technically you aren't "required" to put wedding pics with I-130...the way I see it is why not include them? I kinda figured maybe it would help you bypass the dreaded "interview" (and who knows since there doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason as to who has an interview or who doesn't). Don't know yet if thats true as we dont' have an interview scheduled yet - buts here's to hoping.

We used Costco Photo center and made a single page of pictures "collage" (but they come out as just a sheet of pictures, not actually overlapping collage style pics). The title at the top says the date and event (we did wedding and honeymoon pics) and I think it cost $2.00 - super cheap! We did the same for our K-1 Visa app last year. Originally our lawyer said we could glue printed pics to a regular sheet of paper, but when she saw the collage thing she said it was perfect. And it was approved, so I'm thinking the "collage" is an acceptable format.

Okay, thanks for the info! One of the jobs requesting a social is a job in a public school, maybe that's why they asked. But now I'm kinda wondering what's the point of an EAD if you need a social security number anyway??

So we just got the EAD card yesterday but my husband started the process of looking for work when we got the first email a week ago. As we look at jobs posted etc, some of them ask for a social security number in the application. Although we are planning to go immediately on Monday an apply for one, I am wondering if we can just use his A-number or something while we wait for the SS number? One job even says you can enter the receipt number(after you have applied for one) - is that really possible?

And how long will that SS number take to get? I called the general Social Security Office a while ago and the lady(who was quite unpleasant and unhelpful) said something about it taking 8 weeks!?!? Is that true - or is it usually faster?? And if it does take 8 weeks, can we at least get the number beforehand?

He has the EAD and wants to work ASAP...any info would be appreciated

Thanks so much for the info! I get so stressed about this stuff, its comforting to know its normal. Thanks again

So, we were super excited 5 days ago to get an email in regards to our I-765 EAD, stating that "On March 9th, we ordered production of your new card. Please allow 30 days for your card to be mailed to you. If we need something from you we will contact you."etc...

Then today I get the exact same email notification except it said "March 14th". I tried to search the forums a little and it seems like other have had similar experiences. What exactly does it mean? I double checked and it IS for the EAD again. Is there a problem????

Thanks

Thanks for the reply Funny thing, I literally just got the email that the card has been ordered!! So I guess I was jumping the gun! Thanks again!! I feel a huge sense of relief!!!!

Okay first of all to vent a little, I HATE that it feels like for the past year or so, my life and my ability to move forward has been in the hands of the US government, and I just have to patiently wait. I AM OVER IT!!! And now waiting for my husband to be able to work is even more frustrating! Thank heavens I have a steady job! But money is of course a little tight and we are dipping into savings that will run out in like a month! My wonderful good-natured husband is trying to stay busy and is ever positive - but I feel terrible because he left a very successful life behind to come be with me. I assured him he would find a good job here and we do have some connections, but we can't act on them until he can legally work. He says hes fine, but I know he is getting "unemployed restless."

Now for my question. We filed the EAD/AOS combo on 12/30/11, and received NOA 1/10/12. He had his biometrics 2/3 and the AOS was tranfered to California on 2/8. I know that they say technically the EAD process takes "3 months" - but as I look at the timelines on this website, I see lots of people getting their EAD approved in like 2 months. We have heard nothing as of today. But now I'm even seeing people who were just approved in the last 2-3 days, that actually filed AFTER us....is this normal??? My husband, says he read online that it takes longer for "high fraud risk" countries...which apparently Morocco is. Is this true?

I think I'm mostly worried because we used a lawyer for the K-1 and sailed through faster than normal. But we did not use a lawyer for this EAD/AOS portion after he got here, and so I'm super worried we did something wrong, missed something, or are going to have problems. Maybe I'm jumping the gun, but I just am not sure what we really should expect as far as the "real" time for him to get his EAD(provided everything goes well) Does anyone know? I hate having life on hold!!

(But on a good note, at least he is here - waiting to be with him was MUCH worse! )

The worst part for Amir (worse than being unemployed)? Going to an American dentist for the first time! He needed 1 root canal, 1 crown, 4 fillings, and 4 wisdom teeth extracted. Yowza! He had no culture shock, just dental shock.

Yikes!! My husband has never been to a dentist period....somehow I have a feeling the "dental-shock" will be brutal. I'll think we'll hold off on that visit for a little bit

That's a sweet and cute story SS and it's funny you mention what he said about how the homes are made here. One of the things dh comments on is he can't believe we pay so much money to live in wood and plastic homes. He wants to live in a real building made of concrete and brick. When we pass a building like this it is usually much older and he will spot it and say "there is one, that is a real building."

We pretty much had that exact conversation! Haha! My husband concluded our apartment was not "a real apartment" and we should move as soon as possible or we'll end up getting charged $10,000 for all the problems there will be if we stay!

So I have really enjoyed reading these forums! Its just nice to see other people in similar situations

Although I have been married less than a year, I have had some funny experiences and one just yesterday that made me laugh. My husband was born a nomad....lived in a tent until he was 10, his father was head of a camel caravan that transported spices etc. Well, for the most part, he is pretty "worldly" now. He went to school, studied biology, speaks 7 languages, has a successful tour business, and is very intelligent. But yesterday I cam home to the overwhelming smell of burnt plastic and found a large circular burn mark in the center of the dining room floor. My sweet nomad had been cooking with a tagine (a ceramic Moroccan crock pot basically) and it was so hot, he decided to open the door and set the tagine on the floor to let it cool. Which of course would had been perfectly fine in the sand or a desert tent, or even the cement or tile floors of Morocco...but not on lanoliem. When I explained to him the floor was essentially plastic he could hardly believe it! "Why would you make a plastic floor, it makes no sense, really they are a little crazy here in America!"

There are definitely some unexpected funny things, but I love being married to my nomad! (L)

In regards to #3 - If you decide to email him then BLOCK HIS EMAIL(S), his messengers, AND change your number afterwards. Any reply, whether it be by email or telephone can be "dangerous".

How did you find out about the cheating?

Shal, I absolutely agree - very good idea. I was just thinkin if she was curious to hear his reply...but really there is no need. All he would do is deny or accuse, or try to reconcile...and that ship (hopefully) has sailed. Block his email too. Very wise.

will he be notified that i terminated teh petition?

Ive been trying very hard to be forgiving and walking around with a smile on my face. he has no idea i want out. at this point i can easily ignore his calls and emails, but i want him to know i quit. not because im cruel, but because...actually i dont know. i sound like a nut...geez

yes i know how to cancel the petition. i am asking for personal advice on how to end this. im ata complete loss...email? text? just ignore him?

I think you should email him. Ignoring someone you love(d) is a VERY temporary solution. You need to express yourself, even if its just one last time. If you call him, you give him the chance to beg and plead and tell you he loves you and possibly talk you out of it. PLEASE DO NOT BE TALKED OUT OF ENDING IT! A healthy relationship should be built on trust and love and selflessness. His actions have proved him to be selfish and not trustworthy. If this is your first love, it probably will be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do, even if the facts are screaming in your face. But you know deep inside that its time to end it. Here's my advice...in this order...

1st- Cancel the K-1 petition. Do this BEFORE you tell him. That way it's done and there's no going back.

2nd - THEN Email him. Take your time when you write it and be sure to say everything you want to say. This will help with the closure part of it.

3rd - Do not answer or return his calls. He can correspond via email just fine. With emails you have time to think before you make an emotional decision. Phone calls are dangerous if you are really trying to move on.

4th - Don't blame yourself. Cheating men love to blame everything and one but themselves, and the reality is, it is 100% their problem.

Finally, just know as many have said, every human deserves real, genuine, honest, love - even you. I don't know you, but I don't need to, to tell you that the red flags of your relationship are flying at full mast...and tough as it feels now, if you act now, you will save yourself years are heartache and pain. Best wishes to you.

You should have a receipt number for your EAD as well. You can check online. NBC is in Missouri. If your NOA1 is from Jan 10, it hasn't even been 2 months yet. EAD processing time is 3 months. I'd expect the card mid-April.

Ah okay, thank you! I'd never even thought to look for the EAD receipt number and there it was, so I was able to check online. Thank you again for the tip. I was just a little confused, but its sorted now. I guess we'll just keep holding our breath (and depleting our savings) until we get the card. Cheers!

Thanks for the responses! I'll try to not worry - I just hate having our lives dangling in someone else power! Gosia & Tito, you had your EAD by Feb 1st? Wow, that was fast! I WISH that had been us! Are we allowed to call them and check on the EAD status? I know the I-485 notice says don't call until you've past the current processing "time frame" (which is like 4 months.) But what about an EAD in Chicago? Can we call them for an update or something?

So my husband came on K-1 visa. We got married in the end of November and submitted the combined AOS (I-485) and the EAD (I-765) to Chicago. They received it in Jan 10th and sent two separate I-797C letters, notifying us that each form had been received. He had his biometrics on Feb 3rd. On Feb 6th we received another I-797C telling us that the 1-485 (Application to Adjust permanent resident status) had been transferred to the California service center. And that's all we've heard at this point.

Now for the last few weeks I have been merrily assuming that the transfer included the I-765 as well. I have been watching the timelines on this wonderful website and based on the averages, it seems that we could potentially have the an EAD approval notice this next week. Which of course we are anxious for so my husband can work. But suddenly today I had a moment of panic when I remembered the TWO letters we received the first time for each application, and how we only received ONE I-797C for this transfer. Does that mean the EAD I-765 was NOT transferred? Those of you who have submitted both, and had them transferred to CA, did you get two letters? Should I be worried that we have heard nothing more since Feb 6th? And if it does mean it was not transferred, any ideas why one would be and not the other? HELP!

I was in your EXACT situation last summmer - fiance visa in process and I went to visit him (for 2 months.) And you certainly DO NOT need to show them ANYTHING about your fiance visa. Frankly, I didn't even mention my fiance. I gave them his family's home address and simply said I was a tourist, which was true. All customs needs to know is that you are there on vacation. My (now)husband lived in Marrakech with some roommates, so we always stayed with his family, or we rented apartments. And since you've been before I'm guessing you know the laws about "unmarrieds" staying together. I was always a little concerned about our "marital status" (or lack thereof) and didn't want to draw any additional attention. Maybe I tend to the paranoid side but personally I wouldn't give the "authorities" any reason to notice you beyond being a normal tourist. But it sounds like others have mentioned visiting their fiance and had no problems, so its up to you. Have a wonderful time!

Not to offend anyone who loves it but the terms "my queen" and "my king" make me gag.

About the topic, while there is tons and tons of fraud going on in regards to MENA relationships there really are some successful relationships. There isn't a magical formulation for the success other than maybe two compatible people (in many ways) getting married and making it work. Making it work is key and both parties have to work at it. I don't know the OP or her husband personally and I'm sorry this has happened to her. It's awful. That being said, I doubt the guy just suddenly turned into a scumbag. Scumbags don't become scumbags overnight.

Amen! Its kind of like American men who say they just want to "treat a girl like a princess." In my experience, phrases like that almost always indicated they absolutely DID NOT know how to treat women well!

After reading this thread I do want to make another observation. Sadly there are cheaters and scumbags in all cultures. And there are cultural difference even between people from the same country. I think all things in love HAVE to be taken on a case by case basis.

I had dated many men before I met my "now" husband while traveling in Morocco. Within a few hours of interacting and talking to him I could feel that he was one of the best men I had ever met. He was my tour guide there and so I was fortunate to have the chance to build the foundation of our relationship in person. And as I got to know him, I was able to observe more than just how respectful and thoughtful he was towards me. I saw how he interacted with other people, and how thoughtful and genuinely kind and good-natured he was with everyone.

I'm in my 30's now but I loved to travel solo in my 20's and have encountered the amorous attention of men in many cultures. I can say that the attention of my (now)husband was absolutely nothing like any of the "I just wanna get some from an American Girl" kind of attention I got from random men I met in my travels. Combine that with my experience with American men, and I feel that I had become a relatively good judge of character. Trust me I was watching like hawk for any little red flag. Marriage is a one time, eternal commitment for me. As our interaction continued via email, skype and visits to Morocco, my husband was ever thoughtful, honest, loving and consistent in his treatment and interaction with me, his family and his friends.....more so than any man I have ever met. Its hard not to sound cliche but its true. And believe me, if I had a dollar for everytime someone asked me if I had seen "Not without my Daughter," I'd be rich! But my husband is NOT that kind of man, MENA man or not, he is NOT an abusive, womanizing cheater. I married him, because I knew without a doubt I would never find a better man. And now, married, he is just as wonderful, considerate, loving and good as he was the first day I met him. Of course he is a man and of course he is not perfect. But because in his core is good and genuine and honest and sensitive, we figure these little things out, just like all married couples.

I married my "MENA" man because he was, by leaps and bounds, the best man I have ever met. It makes me sad that the OP and others have been hurt by men from this region of the world, and my heart goes out to them. The sad things is, we could start a whole thread of women who have been hurt by American men, or European men, or Australian men. I just want to add my experience to the others that have had a positive experience with their "MENA" man. I will admit that my husband seems to have bypassed many of the cultural cliches, and I don't deny they exist. But they are not inherent in all MENA men. And I know there are many out there who are the kindest and best of men...my husband is living proof.

My husband got his K-1 through the embassy in Casablanca. But I'm not exactly sure what you want to know? If he has his packet from the embassy, then everything should be good to go. As far as I know, YOU, don't need anything from them. I know that I sent my husband a copy of all the forms we had submitted but I think they just wanted the thing he needed to get in Morocco. All that info you mentioned (your employment letter, affidavit, tax info etc.) should have been already been submitted with the initial application right? So the embassy should have it already. In the interview they will ask your fiance for the documents that you described he already has (his medical info, court records etc.) In the interview they just asked my husband (who was just my fiance then) how we met, what my husband does for work, what I do for work, a few questions about my family - it was very short and simple and approved!...hopefully it will be the same for you guys!