JayJay

I am not one to dig up old threads, but I haven't been on VJ for a while and didn't actually know thi had occurred.
Kez was my friend and a great lady who I cannot believe has gone. I am so sorry to hear of her passing - she was just lovely - so, so supportive with a "I don't take any junk off anyone" attitude combined with a fien sense of humor, making her one of the sharpest and most amusing "tools in the box" as it were. I sincerely enjoyed talking with her and I really did hold her so close to my heart - I was very, very fond of her.
Jon, if I could be there I woud hug you. Kezzie adored you. It showed in everything she ever wrote about you. I can see exactly what she means when she says that she'd rather have had three years with you than a lifetime of unhappiness - I agree with her because I was in the second situation, and with her encouragement found someone who'd treat me right (who'd incidentally been my friend the entire time...) and I feel the same way about him.
Here are some roses for you, Kezzie, wherever you are - the way I always did it before...
(F)(F)

Okies. Fee Waivers.
If she truly does not have the money to do this, she can apply, no problem....we did this for part of what we sent in, and this is how:
We had absolutely no money. Ben was sick, but still had just started working. Creditors were calling 3 times a day at least...nasty situation, nasty times. On top of that we had nowhere to live apart from with the parents in law. And you know, if you're absolutely unable to pay the fees in full or in part, this programme is for you. There's nothing to be ashamed of, because THEY will make the decision as to whether or not you are "wrthy" based on the evidence you send them. So here's how:
BOTH of you make a cover letter, explaining that you are asking for a fee waiver, what the fee waiver is for (the form numbers) and then detailing quite broadly the reasons why you cannot afford the fee. Enclose also, some evidence. This can include bank statements, threats from creditors, evidence that you are living in restricted circumstances (such as with family)...anything really, to detail how unable you are to pay the fee - HAS to be truthful mind, or they will certainly reject the fee waiver.
At the end of your letter, you have to write the following: "I declare under penalty of perjury that the foregoing is true and correct".
Here is the USCIS fee waiver fact sheet, which details the procedure quote thoroughly. If she does not qualify, the paperwork will be returned. If she does, she'll get an NOA1 instead!
USCIS Fee Waiver Fact Sheet
Remember, this is nothing to be ashamed of. The fee waiver guidance and procedure has been put in place for those people for whom the fees are unaffordable, and if your friend is one of them, she should apply. Because that's what it's for No harm in trying, because you do not get what you do not ask for!

Wow, what you're going through sounds so much like the relationship I had with my ex well before it got totally out of control and violent. The silence (because every comment is belittled as though you are stupid); the breaking things (my ex once broke my umbrella in half in a rain storm just to show me he could); the saying "in my country we would hit women like you" (Oh man, I tell you - once he said "if it was legal to hit a woman, I'd f**kin beat you for saying that"...aaaand then later on that's exactly what happened ); the hurting in bed! My gosh! It's like a repeat - are you sure it's not my ex?
Anyhow, the thing is, this guy is totally insecure with a lot of issues. That's why he feels he has to control you like this. My ex wasn't a "brusher" (that's how he described it - "I've never been a brusher" - bleurgh!) either and he felt the need to control me in every way including the bedroom, where he felt he had the right to put me in pain most of the time. It's a total power trip - born from insecurity and a ton of horrible things happening to them as children. BUT - and it's a big but - you're not responsible for that. You did not make your guy into the person he is - and believe me, he still has a choice in his actions and the path he chooses to take.
My current, "forever" guy is wonderful - just great! But, he also witnessed his father trying to drown his mother in a moving washer when he was five. Does this mean he is going to do the same thing? Heck no! He also witnessed violence, like my ex, and chose a different way. So it's totally possible to actually have a grip on your own actions. There are no real excuses - reasons, sure, but those reasons cannot be taken out on other people mentally or physically, and they need to be delat with.
Your husband needs to get to a shrink, pronto. Of his own volition - not yours. He needs to work out why he has to break things to feel in control, and why he has to belittle you and hurt you in so many ways. It's not a moral way to live - he is not leading a morally right life, hurting another this way. He will only have one life and if he chooses to spend it acting like an idiot and causing pain, that's up to him, but if I were you, I'd tell him to get his butt to a psychotherapist and then I would leave him.
The whole "it's not all the time"; "maybe it really IS my fault"; "NOW he's being nice...maybe he'll stay nice"; "I'd better watch what I say or this moment of happiness could come crashing down"; "Maybe next time he'll be a considerate lover"; "why do I feel so afraid all the time?" - they're all signals that something is terribly wrong. He's going to continue behaving in a ridiculous manner, because it's what he's used to. You won't be able to stop him because it's not in you to have to yell at a guy all the time and make him listen to you (which he still won't, I expect, though hell probably enjoy the argument nonetheless).
All in all I'd recommend you do what I did - leave. Just up and leave one day. Go stay with some friends. You will find that the longer you stay, the more time you waste. At the end of that time, you'll look back and say... "wow, I wasted a bunch of time with that idiot". He needs to sort himself out on his own before having a relationship of any worth, with anyone.
Sorry if that sounded harsh, it's just, I've been there and in my personal experience (and also statistically speaking) it gets worse, not better. Don't let him be the one to try to suffocate you or throw you over the stairs before you finally realize "durr...maybe I shouldn't be here - this is kinda dangerous...". Yup, that was me...
*HUGE hugs* to you - nobody deserves this kind of crud. You're worth 1000 times more. Being alive and creative in the world is a whole hell of a lot better than being a statistic.
XXXX

Oh sweetie, I am sorry - he sounds like a mean guy You know, it's probably going to be better just to let him go - just let him go and do his thing, whatever that might be, and you'll be alright and feel back to normal eventually. It's just never easy getting divorced or breaking up with someone.
The other posters are right though - they are his papers. But now, I'd not worry about them. It'll be way too much heartache and mental stress to fight I think. He's already done you wrong and made you sad - let it be. I did - I signed that divorce decree when I got it, and gave my ex everything he wanted (including the house which he's now lost to foreclosure...hahaha..oh...sorry...was that a laugh there?). I ended up with peace, a simple life, and happiness. And a great guy with whom I am extremely happy and who treats me like a queen! You'll find all of that as well.
As for visa fraud...as an Englishwoman myself I can tell you that would be hiiiighly unlikely. The US, economically speaking at least (and this would make sense if it's all about the money) is a lot weaker than the UK, many trillions of dollars in debt and to all ends, if money were what he were after, sticking in England would have been a better idea. Had it not been for my ex, I wouldn't have thought about moving to the states at all. So don't feel used like that - I seriously doubt be used you to get a green card!
Anyway hugs to you (F) XX