Optimystic

I've been going thru the divorce process since August, 2005, and let me tell you ladies and gentlemens, it's not easy, especially when a child is involved. Once we bring these men into the US and marry within the ninety day period, or even worse, marry these men or women abroad then file paperwork, they have certain rights. For instance, for those who went the K-1 route, the US citizen files the adjustment of statis paperwork, then the letter for a interview, ( if you receive one ) is addressed in your husbands name. Not you, as my husband coldly told me, " the immigration office invited me not you to come " At this point, depending on the Country they came from they have options, they can file an I-360 saying that you abused them, so watch for them trying to always flip out on you, or start arguments saying your harrassing them, and by no means get into a physical fight with these people because that's what they are looking for in a attempte to build their case against you, they need a paper trail in order to file an I-360, police reports are included , so keep your cool.

Our foreign spouse's can also file for Aslyum, this they must do within being here one year and without your signature, so this also becomes their case, and they don't need their U.S. spouse to file or to be approved. If they don't file for Aslyum within one year of being in the US they must have a good reason for not doing so.

Finally before closing, I have to say , that these internet people that we meet from many different Countries, we take a risk, many of us me included, have brought spouses that we only know thru the internet , besides the brief visits that we share when we spend our hard earned monies to go be with this person that types such loving words. Anyhow we believe their every word, we bring these people into our homes, amongst our children and don't really know them. We go to work and leave our kids at home alone with them, and our valuables. The sad thing about a scam, is that if the person plays it just right, you will be too late, you will have been scammed before you know it.

Even today I can tell you all that I trusted in my husband , but now my husband and I are going thru a heated divorce and the communication is gone, but ofcourse when he was trying to get here he told me that we would work on our problem together, now that's not the case, he just wants his freedom from me in this country. I do believe that you can pray and fast over a situation, but you also have to have the ear to hear what God is trying to tell you. Now looking back I can see some signs that I was just so blinded to see before spending all those thousands of dollars to get him here. Yet this man left me at a very vulnerable time(our son was only 3-weeks old ) his kind words weren't there no more.

I'm typing all this so some of the newbies on this board can see my drama and be very cautious in their picking, however like this one Nigerian man told me " he already beat you, he's there in america " he told me not to waste my money but to forget about him and just raise my son. Some may not have kids , but have followed their hearts like me, I'm just here to say once they want to pull away, there's really nolthing you could do especially if they chilled until they received their papers. THE SCAM WOULD BE THAT YOU BROUGHT THEM HERE, AND PROBABLY PAID ALL THEIR EXPENSE'ES, NOW THEY WANT TO BE ON THEIR OWN. ( MOST AFTER THEY RECIEVE THEIR GREENCARD )

Idocare,

I admire & appreciate your courageousness in coming forth to share your story. (Initially, I thought you were just a bitterly scorned woman that was trying to throw salt on anyone involved w/a Nigerian because of your experience... Today, I view & accept your personal experience from a totally different perspective. Yeah, so often we create our own world and paint the picture perfectly flawless. I wonder is this due to the fact that we come under so much scrutiny from the various members in the home quarters, and friends that we feel the pressure to prove that our relationships are sincere, invincible, and of course GOD sent... We enter our partnerships giving our total 100% and trusting that our sig. others are doing likewise. Sure, all of us has or will experience some tough moments during the course of our relationships...

I have learned more recently that God in fact has 2 wills... His "Perfect" will, and his "Permissive" will. For those of you that don't know the difference, let me break it down for you... God's "Perfect" is what God intended... God's "Permissive" will is what God allows... When we are walking in the Spirit and obedient to God's will we know that we can ask for anything and it shall be granted. However, I liken this to a teenager pestering and/or begging a parent for a car. While the parent really believes that his/her child is more than well deserving of the car, he really doesn't want the teen to have the car due to the possible problems that can occur (accident, skipping school,sex etc..)as a direct result of purchasing an auto for a teenager. The parent would much rather wait and give the teen a much better car as a graduation gift. However, the teen's relentless pestering causes the parent to finally give in.

Now, I believe that is exactly how it works with us in our relationships. God knows what is best for all of his children. He may have someone special in store for us, but we beg him to link us up with whom we select, then justify our rational for behaving contrary towards family & friends, when in essence they are only looking out for our best interests. Its so easy to cry, "You don't understand! ", but it's important to remember that the person standing outside looking in, is giving a critical assessment and more than likely is exercising sound judgement, while your head is out to lunch in laa-laa land...

I love my husband, don't get me wrong, but when I look back on how we handled our relationship in the beginning stages, I KNOW WITHOUGHT A SHADOW OF A DOUBT, that I would have done things a bit differently. (Hind sight is 20/20)

*RED FLAG* Whenever you are in a situation in which either side of the fiance's family aren't in support, or they aren't even aware that you are going to have a wedding ceremony....Then, you need to pump the brakes and STOP before preceding, cause something ain't right with that scenario. God wants everything done in decency & in order-not 1/2 a$$ed. Trust me, if you ignore your road signs and keep on going down the road w/o caution, don't get mad when your car ends up in the ravene! You either pay attention now, or you pay later! (In some shape, form, or fashion). I'm speaking from my own personal experience on that one!

I agree, anyone can put up a good front for a few weeks visit, but like you said, the shield comes off when you are actually living together

Our visa journey took longer than most, but I honestly thank God for the interim. I got pissed off with the visa process and wondered if God was trying to show me something, thus the reason for so many delays? Was he giving me extended time to seriously rethink my decision? Sometimes I wondered if I was going through w/ the process out of love or was it out of obligation to my marital vows instead? (a little of both ) These are the things that only come to your mind after a seriously long seperation. Because when you are *NEW* in love, you would never fathom questioning such a thing. Instead your only mission is to divide and conquer by any means necessary! Anyway, the seperation allowed me the opportunity to really see what he was all about. Would he get tired & just give up on waiting so long and bail out? (Umh, no such luck... He's still hanging around For how much longer I don't know ?)

I'm currently in the process of conducting a research project which focuses on online dating practices, w/the target group being Nigerian males (various ages). So far I have managed to get 6 "I love you's" and 3 marriage proposals in the course of 1 whopping week!!!!!!!!!!!! In fact, one gentleman wants me to travel in August so that we can seal the deal... Is this true love or is this a prelude to marriage fraud????????????? You gotta be careful-o!!! I'm so tired of people running around on the planet using the word "love" so loosely. However, many of these men are aware of our cultural dating practices via. family/friends that live here, that have schooled them on what to say to an American woman. Remember, that unlike American culture, love is not a prerequisite for marriage in many African cultures-as it is assumed that you will grow to love the person over time.

O.K. thats just my $0.02 worth... Love it or hate it

Hi everyone,

would anyone tell me what original items I need to send to my spouse for her interview. Or is it ok to send copies of 1-864, tax papers. This is in reference to I-13- CR1.

Thanks

Sham

Yes photo copies of all financial documents (however make sure I-864 should be Notarized)

Following documents Original copies required

Birth certificate (original or equivalent English translation)

Marriage cert (original or equivalent English translation, and one photocopy)

Death cert of previous spouse (if applicable) and one copy

Divorce cert (if applicable) - original/English trans & one photocopy

Job letter.

Just to add to the list...

Copies of emails from both parties

Photographs of both of you together

Any DHL/UPS/FEDEX shipping invoices

USPS letters and/or greeting cards including envelopes that you have sent to your spouse

If you have a DVD/VCR taping of your wedding ceremony, submit this also. My spouse stated that the interviewing officer and he watched it together

Did you Interview schedule already ?

Congratulations!!!

It's the squeaky wheel that gets oiled! It's good to be a assertive, pestering, persistent person---I know.... I am! LOL and boyyyyy has it paid off!

OK, I am not liking this, I seem to be the only one except for Rayma that is interested in my Posts --- should I put my old cheerleader uniform on --- anyway, I posted this information on immigrate2us and thought I would share it here as well ---

This appears to be the process a I-601 waiver goes through when submitted to the Vermont Service Center ---

1. You pay your money

2. They cash your check (the most speedy portion of the process)

3. They take your waiver application letters, and supporting documentation

4. It is snail mailed to the appropriate processing center.

5. It is input into the system

6. Notice of Action Letter is sent to applicants

7. The File SITS for a very long time in some que (In Box)

(who knows what happens to it during this time) coffee spills, office fire, extremely disorganized person sits piles of government regulation manuals on top of it... the list could go on and on

8. Then it gets sent to the adjudicators in box ---

9. Depending on the workload it sits there for some time as well

10. Then due to miracles happening, the adjudcator picks it up and begins to see what items did not get spilled on

11. Adjudicator sends RFEs for thoses that were spilled on

12. Then, if you were lucky - your package is good enough to be sent into the security check process which I have been told takes usually two weeks. sits in another inbox --- same stuff could happen as before

13. Consolidation process occurs wherby all documents gets assigned a new T-File indicator

14. Into adjudcator inbox again -

15. Then they do whatever and award a decision

16. Time goes by whereby they wait to tell you or your consulate to give you the official decision.

17. You finally hear

18. Hopefully this is the end ---

Why not electronic

Everything I had in my packet was also on a cd disk ---

You have got to be kidding!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's a damn shame that this process takes eternity! Maybe if one gets lucky enough they will be permanently reunited w/ their loved one by the time they die and go to heaven.

I'm so sorry to hear this, especially after such an interminable wait. I know first hand how it feels to wait on pins & needles while waiting for a case to be deliberated. I know you guys must be feeling angry, disappointed etc... Hopefully, your congressman will get you the basis for the denial soon so that you can proceed with other alternatives....

You are in my prayers

BTW, 17 months is this the typical adjudication waiting period???

That's really nice... I'm glad to hear that all went well!

Congratulations, and I wish the both of you the best!

Go girl!!

Now, you are on your way! Fasten your seatbelt, sit back and get ready for the ride of your life!

Anyway, I wish you the best in your visa journey

Although I don't doubt that there is scamming going on with men and women of all countries, I half to add that I have had my share of ex boyfriend loosers / scammers from the good old USA. Sure the scam is a different type, but hurts all the same.

Also, just a comment. It never fails for someone to connect Nigeria with Scam. If I had a nickle...........Romance scammers are from many different countries.

EXACTLY what I been saying..Hurt is hurt...regardless, its no difference whether its for a green card or a new car, money a house..and they come in all colors and countries, sexes and ages...just gotta use common sense, instinct and wisdom regardless..Guard you heart, pray and enjoy life..So yeah im feeling ya sistah on that comment.

Yeah, true nuf! But just remember that sometimes common sense, instinct and wisdom are over powered by love...people just don't always see it.

.................Until it's too late...

I agree with both sides of the arguement -pros vs. cons and spirtitual vs. natural

Ahhh heck, what's a girl to do when you feel like you are caught on both sides of the fence?

Anyway, to piggy-back off the o.p.'s.... TAKE YOUR TIME... What God has for you, is just for you and can't no demon in hell steel it away! With that being said, if you feel that you are not ready to make that life long commitment, then you need to be true to yourself. Be forthcoming (No matter how brutally blunt you will have to be,) and tell him that you want to have an extended engagement. Any man who REALLY loves you won't pressure you or use manipulation tactics to persuade you into rushing into making such a life altering decision. Get to know him, (to the best of your ability, or a level that you feel comfortable with)even if that means that you must make several trips to Nigeria or another country to meet, interact, and spend time together before taking the plunge... Anyway, you are going to do what you want, when you want, and how you want, no matter what any of us here at this forum suggests...

In the words of Divorce Court judge Maybelline Ephriam..........

LOOK DEEP BEFORE YOU LEAP

YIKES!!! O.K. thats scary ya'll!

TARI you aint right gurlllllll!! ahahhahahah.. **shaking my head**

Chile, I was thinking, "Woahhhhh what is the probability of a situation like this occurring?"

Sure, immigrants being married to a USC and the marriage being disovled is one thing, but 9 and all of them Nigerian and working in the same department + arrived around the same time??????? If that ain't scary, what is?

Girl, I double dog dare Uche to come up in here and tell me he is switching career fields, and is going to work in the chassis repair department for X company!!!!!

Just watch me act a fool alright!

hello my vj family:

I just want to break the news to you all. Uchenna proposed to me today. I was so surprised. He called me around 4am this morning and asked me over the phone. Right now Im walking on cloud nine. Im so so happy. I never even imagine this happening to me. I had to share this with my vj family first. I know people will be negative so I won't tell my family here yet. I know its early in our relationship but I just love him so much. Oh, and I did say yes!!! !!!!!!!!!!!

Im so excited and I just can't hide it. Im about to lose control!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

uchegirl

CONGRATULATIONS and i wish u the best. however, i must tell you to be very careful. i know u said that the 2 of u met only a few weeks ago online and that does seem kinda fast. its not really my business but im gonna say this anyway b/c i feel you need to know this and also b/c after talking w/a few other people they have told me that if they knew back then what they know now, no marriage of any kind to a foreigner would have ever taken place.

keep ur ears and eyes wide open to all he does and SAY right now. it's very crucial you pay close attention to everything even with the distance between the 2 of you. im not trying to steer u in the wrong direction or anything, but so many USC's have brought their SO here on marriage based visas (K1,K3, CR1) and now just like Idocare said in an earlier post, they(SO) start doing things to frustrate you into leaving them or they just picking up and leaving you.

I know of a few here that are going thru that similar situation. Once the SO received his CPR or LPR they start tripping. And some start just as soon as the I-485(AOS) is filed. And what's even worst is when all hell break loose and they realize that you will not allow the AOS or the I-751 to proceed; that is when they find an immigration attorney and claim ASYLUM!!!! And it's not much you can do from there, b/c actually brotherman (or woman) don't really need you for that as long as he/she can show he entered into the marriage w/good faith.

I had no idea that they could do this, and it has happened to a girl here in LA and the SO is actually a friend of my husband and we all belong to the same Nigerian organization here & another one of my friends it has happened to is a past VJ member. It makes me wonder if some of those SO's that come here attend some kinda training b4 getting here and they learn exactly what to do & say to the USC in order to get that prestigious "greencard" that they want so badly even if they have to lie on the USC and make all kinds of accusations.

Actually, i have even said something to that effect at a UNO meeting and some of the members just looked at me and laughed and others just told me that all people are not the same. And some really do have good intentions, but some do scam to get here, by all cost. And another thing, some of the vj members that don't come around anymore has even told me that hind sight has made them realized that things were done and said that they should have picked up on, but b/c of being so much in love, they just brushed it off.

Uchegirl, just BE CAREFUL!!!!

Michele

While not the happiest of replies (points up), it's unfortunately true. Do as Michele says and watch and listen carefully.

I work for a large computer manufacturer. I've mentioned it before in regard to the issue of illegal immigrants. This time I'll be talking about the legal immigrants.

All of the guys (there are 9) who work in the chassis repair department are from Nigeria. Not only are they all from Nigeria, they are all from the same village/town in Nigeria. They all came to the US by marrying a USC. They all came here at roughly the same time, too. None of them are still married.

I'm not trying to frighten you, I'm just warning you to be careful. I'm sure none of the 9 former wives thought it would happen to them, either. It can happen to anyone. I honestly hope that all is as it seems and that you achieve happiness. Best of luck to you.

All of the guys (there are 9) who work in the chassis repair department are from Nigeria. Not only are they all from Nigeria, they are all from the same village/town in Nigeria. They all came to the US by marrying a USC. They all came here at roughly the same time, too. None of them are still married.

YIKES!!! O.K. thats scary ya'll!

WOAH slow down One thread is enough

I have PM'd the Capt'n and asked him to merge your first thread on this with the pinned I-864 thread which also relates to the new rulings.

Thank you for posting this information

WOAH slow down One thread is enough

Awwhhh don't burst his bubble... Can't you see the man is excited

This is good news indeed!

If my Uchenna wasn't here with me, I would probably assume that you were referring to my husband! Common unisex Igbo name...

TARI im on da flo. girl imma send you some meds..you got me cracking up..its funny though ..i was like dang they are similar..ahahahh but yeah common names..it was funny though... ahahahhah...*SIKE*..ok now where you been hiding?? lol

Chile, you know a sister has been running around Helter Skelter trying to do this that and the other...

Anyway, I just read your most recent blog and I am going to call you. Sorry to hear about Jide's condition. However, I'm glad to hear that his health is improving!

I do want to say congrats to you and your fiance. Do enjoy this time of feeling deeply in love with your fiance, I can remember when Victor asked me to marry him, the first time was over the phone, then again during my first visit to Nigeria, brotha man got down on his knee and did it the right way. My head was up in the clouds somewhere thinking that I had found my soulmate and nobody, nowhere couldn't tell me that this man didn't love me, as much as I love him. I wish you well, if you don't mind me asking ; what's your fiance religious side like ?

thank you very much. im still around here walking on cloud nine. !!! Uchenna's family is christian (Catholic). i haven't really talked much to his family members as of yet. but he has pretty much strong christian faith. we pray together over the phone and he does send me christian ecards. btw, what tribe is your husband from. Uchenna is Igbo.

Uchegirl

Uchenna's family is christian (Catholic). i haven't really talked much to his family members as of yet. but he has pretty much strong christian faith. we pray together over the phone and he does send me christian ecards. btw, what tribe is your husband from. Uchenna is Igbo.

If my Uchenna wasn't here with me, I would probably assume that you were referring to my husband! Common unisex Igbo name...

I seriously doubt that you will encounter any problems in regards to past history of treatment for depression.

Just to piggyback off of the o.p. the primary concern is for T.B. and other highly contagious communicable diseases (i.e. HIV/AIDS)

Congratulations!!!! :energetic:

Wow your interview date is just around the corner!

Good Luck and Best Wishes for a smooth and successful interview!

Opti

I am a "newbie" playing catch-up with all these threads after discovering that I am not the only person who thinks that life sucks with my spouse living on the other side of the globe. Anyways -- misery loves company, right ;-). Thanks for everyone for posting their experiences -- it brought realism to my (what I thought was) insane life.

I see on several timelines in the signature blocks where people say that their files were "touched". What does that mean? Could someone please shed some light? At this point, I'll draw gratifacation from the fact that someone in the INS "thought" of my file (actually doing something to it might bring tears of joy) <grin>.

Thanks folks.

KP

Anytime administrative work has been done on your case it is commonly referred to as a, "touch". It's a good thing, because at least you know someone is reviewing your documents.

Hope this helps

I hate the fact that I have to wait longer to be with Anna. She is in a stressful job that will eventually have an affect on her health, if it has not already. We truly enjoy one anothers company, we are crazy about one another. We miss each other terribly and I want to be with her so badly it hurts.

I am also for any pocess that helps safe guard the person who is coming from another country to be with someone they have come to love. I know the process if not full proof and I know that it might not save everyone but if it saves just one person I will not have waited in vein. Could the process be better yes, but I doubt any of the people writing the law have actually been through what each of us is going through or they would have figured out a way to improve the process without adding time to it.

I personally will set up a checking account as well as a saftey deposit box in Anna's name (and only her name) so that she will have access to enough money and her passport to leave me if things become unbearable for her. I don't want her to ever feel trapped or that she does not have any choices.

Paul/Anna

I personally will set up a checking account as well as a saftey deposit box in Anna's name (and only her name) so that she will have access to enough money and her passport to leave me if things become unbearable for her. I don't want her to ever feel trapped or that she does not have any choices.

Paul/Anna

You are very noble spirited and I admire your rational. I wholeheartedly feel what you are saying. There is nothing worse than feeling trapped in a relationship with no means for escape. Like the saying goes, "If you love someone set them free. If it is meant to be they will come back to you." However, we have all witnessed scenarios in which a mate would rather victimize their sig. other and keep him/her in mental bondage, rather than let them go, which is sad, because it speaks volumes about their character.

CONGRATULATIONS!

Now...........On to the second stage!

Sending you my best wishes!

I'm so happy for the both of you . Yes, it's going to feel good to take a deep breath and sigh of relief!

Stephen sounds like he is willing to put up a fight for that interim card eh? Heck, I don't blame him...

Once again Congratulations on a smooth & speedy process!

Hello Uchegirl and welcome to the boards !!!

Seems like you did get alot of good advice. One of the things I now realize is that sometime you get so so involved with getting your loved one here, that you do forget to focus on your relationship, I believe someone here already said that.

One thing that some don't understand with a distance relationship is that you could be who ever you want to be, somebody once told me that one of their friends from another country wanted to get his family to America so bad, that he and his wife would sit together while looking for someone to scam into marriage, knowing that once that man got to America, married the USC then divorcing later after the greencard has been issued, he'd be free to send for his real family. He could remarry his wife and petition for his family to come.

We all take risk when it comes to long distance dating, because you really don't know that particular person and going out to their country and spending 2 or 3 weeks won't let you tell if it's really genuine love that they feel for you, or if they are treating you good because they would love to come into america and your just one of the requirements for them getting here. Not to mention all the warm-hearted Americans that start sending money/gifts to their new found fiances. Sometimes we romantic Americans trust so much that before you know it you have fully furnished your fiances trip to America including the immigration paperwork that both of you have to file, thus giving him a free trip to America ( because you don't want your husband oweing nobody back home money for helping him get his own tickett, after all you are his fiance.) Now-a-days people that could never afford to come into this country are here courtesy of a computer and their aggressive loving American fiance.

What we need to take the time and think out is what if the relationship is not what you thought it would be, and this person is slowly changing into a nitemare which seems to be progressing as the month go on, starting with little clashes, Oh I know some of us Americans aren't worried about that besides you and your fiance had worse arguments over the phone, or during your visits together so what the heck, go on and marry your spouse within the ninty day period if you didn't pay your money to go down there to marry.

Now you think you have it going on. You have your new marriage and can't nobody tell you nothing, you can't wait to file that AOS for your new attentive spouse and they have done a good job of telling you that they would really like to get their statis so that they could work and the both of you can travel back home, so what do us Loving Americans do ? we apply for the adjustment spending more of our money, however as the months go on and the difference's of oppinions increase between you and your spouse you kinda forget about the paperwork that's still pushing thru the system because your spouse is there with you, you may admit to the difference's of oppinion seem to be increasing but you rationalize that by saying were just getting used to each other, heck we used to argue over the phone before they got here but they told you that they would not never leave you, and you believe them. Your interview date comes for the AOS and you all pass Visa is now in their hands.

This around the time that most will find out if Marrying someone outside the country is a rational thing to do, some relationships will change for the better, because your spouse will appreciate all that you have done for them, or you all will begin getting into yelling arguments and your spouse will start moving out of the house because in their mind your just not a reasonable person, they may come back to worry you more and to draw their American spouse into deeper arguments ( and if they get really lucky and your argument becomes physical they will be so so happy to collect that report and save it for a rainy day, especially if they can send their American spouse to jail claiming that you beat them up)

Years have passed and your" spouse for life" has decided that he'd be better off away from you because you harrass and treat him badly ( no matter how good you treated them) it's too late, they say that you are abrusive and they no longer want the marriaage, heck some just leave you while your at work.

Your left to reflect on all the monies that you spent sending the family gifts out of the kindness of your heart, and all the money you spent on your spouse, the stress of the visa journey and now they have the nerve to up and leave claiming that your the abrusive one, all the while it's them that started most of the dissagreements, then turned it around and claimed it was you. What can you do about it ? Nothing much. They have their greencard courtesy of you, they got a free ride into America courtesy of you, and what do you get in return STRESS.

So uchegirl, really get to know your new found friend some kind of way. The man you met just might be sincere, and you all may thrive well together and build a strong relationship or marriage. But the simple fact is us kind hearted Americans are so kind that we may not realize that we have been scammed until way after the marriage has ended and your spouse and his greencard are gone out of your life for good. That's the risk of a long distance relationship in my opinion.

For the most part I agree. The scenario is sad, but true.... True that the marriage may be fraudulent, and sad in the sense that most people don't discover it until after the green card has been issued... Hindsight is always 20/20. But like you said, thats the major risk factor with falling in love with someone from another country. For the original poster, one thing to bear in mind is that no relationship is ever garaunteed whether you choose to date within the boundaries of your nation or not. But one thing I will say is that the losses are much more greater when you choose to date an intending immigrant and decide to bring him/her to the U.S. Not only is the seperation stressful, but the financial arena (petition fees, shipping costs for forwarding documents, preparing & gathering documents for the interview, and interminable waiting period for the interview that you probably would encounter.)can be costly. I think you have to determine if you deem this person worthy of your time, money, and efforts and if the answer is yes, should he come into the U.S. and things don't work out for the best, can you deal with that and move forward??? The risk is high and the answer may be yes for now, but in the end you may have some serious regrets... But its a risky chance with no gaurentees, that you and only you can decide to take. Just take it slowwwwwwwwwwww I can't stress that enough. Because yes, there are some of my VJ friends that went through hell and didn't make it after the reunion, but there are others that have some really good success stories.

Remember you have our support! I pray the best for you in whatever decision you make. If it works-GREAT! If it doesn't,hold your head up and keep on moving. Most of us won't shake our fingers at you, rub your face in the mud, and say, "Umhhhhh you see I told ya so!!!!" I give anybody their props that can get through this process and manage to keep their sanity, be it good or bad.

BTW Idocare,

I seen in your timeline that you rescheduled the AOS appt. did you manage to get the divorce papers filed before he received his green card? Does he or his family have any interaction with your son?

Kanyiri,

Your photos are elegantly beautiful . I'm glad to hear that Re has settled in, and that you guys have rolled up your sleeves and are working hard to establish a state of normalcy. Sounds like the both of you are operating in sync, which takes some work, but when the both of you are on the same page... It just comes naturally . I bet you really enjoy coming home to those home cooked meals after a grueling day.

Thanks for stopping by, which is hard to do when you are trying to help your partner get adjusted to life in America, not to mention married life .(Don't feel bad, I don't make it by as much anymore either. Although we aren't newly wed, we are new in the sense that we have just recently began living our lives together under the same roof and I just don't have the time to do some of the things that I used to commit my time to-posting.)

Well, take it easy and enjoy your new life!

God Bless

But sooner or later, they no longer comes on this site, why?....b/c they are not so hapyy and joyous anymore. Things have fallen apart and basically I think it's b/c they never really took the time to get to know that person in the first place and they just rushed into it...all in the name of LOVE!!!

Sweetee

I know several VJ'ers that still come to the site, yet prefer to send pm's for varied reasons. Chile, I was too happy to leave the site and get on with life after my hubby came. Those in my circle had already been briefed of my plans to go M.I.A.

I think it's fair to say that most people come here to get valuable information. Some, on the other hand come here for daily social commentary. If you already have gathered the information you need to scoot you along through the process, and you have a fulfilling social life outside of VJ, then there really isn't much reason to come back, expecpt to maybe pop in occassionally and say hello.

Once the mission is accomplished (visa issuance), the purpose of this site has been served. Keep it moving and get on with life is my motto

Sure, we all have a moral responsibility to give back-share info. But have you noticed how this is a continuous cycle? Some old schooler's leave (or like you mentioned before change their screen names), and newbies stumble onto the board.

Thanks to everyone for the archived messages, these provide so many answers to all of those questions that our newbie's have.

Thanks Livi for the Naijasisterhood! This is the place to be

Like any relationship, you only get out of it what you put into it. I'm a living testimony that it does work, but it requires a lot of commitment, effort, patience, and understanding. Bottom-line... It requires hardwork & dedication. I don't suggest it for everyone, simply because everyone doesn't have the wherewithal. Most of us were used to traditional dating, which is pretty much nonexistent in online relationships (except phone calls & emails). But you get creative by scheduling chat dates online in which webcams and microphone voice chats, are incorporated into the session.

Love??? Already?? My advice is to take it very slowww, and procede w/caution. See where it leads you. You are curently experiencing Stage 1 of partnership which is infatuation-Hormones rule! Survival tip: Enjoy the magic but know infatuatioon is not the glue that holds strong relationships together.

Good Luck