Funny Stories

[slim 1,533]

Bags, bags, bags! Oh my God, how could I forget about that. My wife saves every single plastic bag we get

After all, a lot of American women believe they are the best women in the world, so how could that not improve the Russian gene pool.

We have a similar plastic bag "collection" here, and since I work in a plastic bag factory, it really gets to me. I've probably handled more plastic bags in the last few days than most people their entire lives. Made over 40,000 today, and that's only because I was working on one of the slower machines. Some days I make over a quarter-million.

I'm not sure if American women would improve the gene pool or not. But, if you ask them, I'm sure you could guess their answer!

Hahahaha... good story. On a side note, do you really think Russian men would be interested?

50,000+ FSU women looking for "Western" husbands. Can anyone show me even 50 FSU men looking for "Western" wives? I'm no mathematician, but seems to me the numbers are completely one-sided.

My grandma had a similar plastic-bag-mania (this tendency to save "stuff" goes back to Soviet times when everything, from maternity clothes to plastic bags was impossible to find), but she used to go even further, she would wash dirty plastic bags and hang them up to dry, I hope she does not do that any more

My step-mom reuses sandwich bags all the time to "save money" because I guess at 100 baggies for $1.98, they're breaking her financially. Come on, at least say it's for the environment or something.

When visiting my gal, I made the almost-punishable-by-death-faux-pas of sitting my shoes on the hotel bed for just a moment. I think it was at that point I learned there is a very, very scary lady lurking within my otherwise beautiful woman. I will not be making that mistake again.

There are a stream of Russian curse words coming out of my mouth right now. I have had a few close calls with death, and sitting shoes on the bed was one in my house as well. I didn't know...... I sure know now! (Amazing what your sweet, innocent, darling little fiancee is capable of in a fit of rage, isn't it? Dr. Jekyl and Mrs. Hyde doesn't even come close to describing the alter-ego.)

[Satellite 1]

We have a similar plastic bag "collection" here, and since I work in a plastic bag factory, it really gets to me. I've probably handled more plastic bags in the last few days than most people their entire lives. Made over 40,000 today, and that's only because I was working on one of the slower machines. Some days I make over a quarter-million.

Wow Slim you actually have an American Manufacturing job! Now that is funny story in itself, since I was under the impression we sent all of those jobs oversees.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

More thread rescuing:

When visiting my gal, I made the almost-punishable-by-death-faux-pas of sitting my shoes on the hotel bed for just a moment. I think it was at that point I learned there is a very, very scary lady lurking within my otherwise beautiful woman. I will not be making that mistake again.

haha...... are you and Slim willing to share what your Sweeties said..... or how they looked? I have not made this mistake yet but now I am little bit apprehensive about it.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

haha...... are you and Slim willing to share what your Sweeties said..... or how they looked? I have not made this mistake yet but now I am little bit apprehensive about it.

We were getting ready to go out to dinner or something, and while she was combing her hair and doing some last minute make-upping, I sat down on the bed to put my shoes on. Not sure why I did it this way, usually I just slipped them on by the door. So I sat the shoes on the bed, and I remember her watching this through the mirror. She stopped what she was doing, her eyes grew wide, and she spun around and walked over to me. I got the pointer-finger of death aimed right at me and then the shoes. It's a little hazy after that...she yelled a bunch of stuff in Russian. I picked 'em up real quick, and she calmed down enough to finish chewing my ### in English. Something about how everything that was on the street now being on the bed, do I know how filthy the bottoms of my shoes are, and just generally being incredulous about how I could possibly have thought putting my shoes on the bed was a good idea. You'd have thought I'd just taken a dump right in the middle of the bed, which I suppose was the next worse thing as far as she was concerned. 30 seconds later it was over. She stopped and just went back to getting ready, leaving me completely bewildered. I spent a long time waiting for the (no pun intended) other shoe to drop, but she was back to sweet little Nadya. We had housekeeping replace the bedspread while we were out.

The only other time I've seen her explode like that was when an inebriated ex-patient of hers (she's a nurse) recognized her, and started yelling her name and stumbling towards her, arms outstretched. She verbally unloaded on him, and the dude just tucked tail and slunk away. Hell, I wasn't even on the receiving end of it and I felt my testicles shrivel up into my throat. She later said he's a meth addict and he'd promised her that he would stop using. Clearly he'd broken his promise, thus incurring her wrath. That one only lasted about 10 seconds, and then she was fine. It's pretty surreal.

Yeah...gonna be good times ahead...

Well......... we like them that way........ exactly because they have that sort of potential. RRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrr .......

[katya_and_besik 0]

haha...... are you and Slim willing to share what your Sweeties said..... or how they looked? I have not made this mistake yet but now I am little bit apprehensive about it.

We were getting ready to go out to dinner or something, and while she was combing her hair and doing some last minute make-upping, I sat down on the bed to put my shoes on. Not sure why I did it this way, usually I just slipped them on by the door. So I sat the shoes on the bed, and I remember her watching this through the mirror. She stopped what she was doing, her eyes grew wide, and she spun around and walked over to me. I got the pointer-finger of death aimed right at me and then the shoes. It's a little hazy after that...she yelled a bunch of stuff in Russian. I picked 'em up real quick, and she calmed down enough to finish chewing my ### in English. Something about how everything that was on the street now being on the bed, do I know how filthy the bottoms of my shoes are, and just generally being incredulous about how I could possibly have thought putting my shoes on the bed was a good idea. You'd have thought I'd just taken a dump right in the middle of the bed, which I suppose was the next worse thing as far as she was concerned. 30 seconds later it was over. She stopped and just went back to getting ready, leaving me completely bewildered. I spent a long time waiting for the (no pun intended) other shoe to drop, but she was back to sweet little Nadya. We had housekeeping replace the bedspread while we were out.

The only other time I've seen her explode like that was when an inebriated ex-patient of hers (she's a nurse) recognized her, and started yelling her name and stumbling towards her, arms outstretched. She verbally unloaded on him, and the dude just tucked tail and slunk away. Hell, I wasn't even on the receiving end of it and I felt my testicles shrivel up into my throat. She later said he's a meth addict and he'd promised her that he would stop using. Clearly he'd broken his promise, thus incurring her wrath. That one only lasted about 10 seconds, and then she was fine. It's pretty surreal.

Yeah...gonna be good times ahead...

Well, I must admit, I do the same thing.

What makes me wonder is why would you ever put your shoes on the bed? why?

Yeah, and please tell me why don't people take their shoes off when they come in? this is disgusting!

Edited October 24, 2007 by katya_and_besik

[Brian & Elena 0]

Ok...first off...my grandfather (who went through the Depression) used to wash, dry and re-use paper towels....

Secondly...don't get me started on the shoes...all I know is take them off BEFORE entering the home....as I was reading that story to Elena she started in before I could say what happend about why would you put your shoes on the bed....lol...my sweet innocent thing has a fire hiding inside her as well...trust me....I've seen it...

Thirdly as I am here in Russia....it drives me crazy that you have to PAY for the plastic bags at MOST if not all of the stores and the markets here....granted they are very inexpensive...(1-5 rubles)...but still...you have a basket full of stuff and they ask you if you want a "packet"....duh....and then they charge you for it....so depending on where in Russia and how much the average wage is in that part (here I think it's about $250-$350 per month) it is just a logical and economical thing for them to save their bags. I will tell you though that most of the bags that you buy here are incredibly strong...I couldn't believe how much weight one of them could hold without breaking...we had a ton of potatos plus other stuff in one and no sign of tearing...only the blood being cutoff to my fingers as I carried the damn thing around....I really should get one of those plastic handles that has a claw to hold the bags in....lol

Lastly...I'll give you one of my funny stories.....one of the first times I was over here with my then girlfriend...we had been away at a quiet hotel in the country for a few days and after being home a few more there was a bit of laundry to do....and as no one in this city has a clothes dryer....everyone puts there clothes on some sort of clothes line to hang dry...which afterwards requires IRONing of almost every item.....anyhow....as my wife was ironing maybe my fifth button-down Polo or oxford style shirt and still with a few more to do...she put down the iron and said if I have to iron like this for a man all my life I will NEVER marry...or something to that effect....and then I said, "Don't worry in the US I takes all of these shirts to the dry cleaners and they wash and press (iron) them all for $0.99 each." Suddenly her mood perked up and she resumed ironing and said, "Ok, then I will marry." I know I'm not capturing the whole effect, as I'm an awful stroy teller, but I was crying I was laughing so hard.

Edited October 24, 2007 by Brian & Elena

[groovlstk 0]

Anyone try using a washing machine in Russia or Ukraine and notice how long the cycle lasts?

On my very first trip I rented a small studio that had the western amenities I wanted, including a washing machine. One night I returned to my apt. around midnight and decided to do a quick wash before I went to bed. At 1AM I was too sleepy so I crashed, only to be woken periodically by the washer as it cycled and spun and rinsed. I couldn't figure out which controls stopped or paused the cycle, so I had no choice but to let it finish.

The last time I was awakened, about 3AM, I remember thinking "please God, when will it end!?!?!"

One thing I found interesting was that most Russian people I know who have washing machines have no set place to situate them. Some were in bathrooms, some in kitchens, others in living rooms

[slim 1,533]

Wow Slim you actually have an American Manufacturing job! Now that is funny story in itself, since I was under the impression we sent all of those jobs oversees.

They've done what they can to ship jobs overseas. High tariffs and import taxes have ensured a lot of the simple plastics jobs have stayed here. However, since they can't ship the jobs overseas, more and more of the employees are becoming foreigners. Just in my company alone, they've started two new production facilities overseas and a significant number of our new-hires are non-USCs with green cards. (It's not so much that the company is looking for them, it's just that they're willing to work long hours in hot, dirty conditions whereas their American counterparts are increasingly not.)

I honestly believe the only thing keeping my job alive here in the U.S. is the very thing threatening to ship it overseas... the shipping! It costs so much to ship a pallet full of bags that it's cheaper to produce it locally (at a significantly higher cost) than to produce it overseas and ship it in. Cars, TVs, etc., relatively complex and expensive things to manufacture will always be worth shipping in. However, plastic bags that are 20 for a penny (but weigh a pound) are going to be significantly cheaper the closer to home they can be produced.

I actually make pretty complex (I say that loosely... these are plastic bags, afterall) security bags for use by banks and other money-related industries. As of now, they can't be produced overseas to the same quality standard that we have here. That, and they weigh a ton! (Literally, a pallet full of these bags weighs over a ton!)

If it all goes well, maybe someday I'll be living the easy life as plant manager in China.

haha...... are you and Slim willing to share what your Sweeties said..... or how they looked? I have not made this mistake yet but now I am little bit apprehensive about it.

Google "baba yaga" and that'll give you a pretty good idea of what I saw. What I heard was something to the effect of a shriek followed by quite a few blats and a pizdets or two.... or 30. (For those not in the know..... although those words are quite common in Russian language, they're not exactly good.) There were some other words in there, but for the most part, those two were the stars of the show! I think the grand finale was a "tooie, tooie, tooie" spitting imitation.

I would like to say that was a long time ago.... but it was this morning.

We were getting ready to go out to dinner or something, and while she was combing her hair and doing some last minute make-upping, I sat down on the bed to put my shoes on. Not sure why I did it this way, usually I just slipped them on by the door. So I sat the shoes on the bed, and I remember her watching this through the mirror. She stopped what she was doing, her eyes grew wide, and she spun around and walked over to me. I got the pointer-finger of death aimed right at me and then the shoes. It's a little hazy after that...she yelled a bunch of stuff in Russian. I picked 'em up real quick, and she calmed down enough to finish chewing my ### in English. Something about how everything that was on the street now being on the bed, do I know how filthy the bottoms of my shoes are, and just generally being incredulous about how I could possibly have thought putting my shoes on the bed was a good idea. You'd have thought I'd just taken a dump right in the middle of the bed, which I suppose was the next worse thing as far as she was concerned. 30 seconds later it was over. She stopped and just went back to getting ready, leaving me completely bewildered. I spent a long time waiting for the (no pun intended) other shoe to drop, but she was back to sweet little Nadya. We had housekeeping replace the bedspread while we were out.

Yeah...gonna be good times ahead...

I was just kidding about this morning, that was several years ago although there have been similar "atrocities commited" on my part with similar results on hers. My "shoes on the bed" story was pretty close to the above story except I just plopped down on the bed, ready to go, waiting for her to finish make-up and the ten million other things she does to get ready. Since I hadn't been "trained" yet, of course I had my shoes on.... I was ready to go!

Well, I must admit, I do the same thing.

What makes me wonder is why would you ever put your shoes on the bed? why?

Yeah, and please tell me why don't people take their shoes off when they come in? this is disgusting!

It's just dirt! Years and years of conditioning have de-sensitized us to keeping things "clean." Most people have rules in their home like "no feet on the coffee table" or something to that effect. But, in the average American home, shoes are just as much for inside as they are for outside. Funny, when I was younger, I used to wear my shoes EVERYWHERE, I felt naked without them. Now, I feel funny when I go to someone else's house and don't take my shoes off. I actually caught myself tip-toeing around my buddies house when I helped him move his T.V. one day. This is just a cultural difference but we all know who's going to win!

Better to slip the shoes off than to face the wrath!

....and then I said, "Don't worry in the US I takes all of these shirts to the dry cleaners and they wash and press (iron) them all for $0.99 each." Suddenly her mood perked up and she resumed ironing and said, "Ok, then I will marry." I know I'm not capturing the whole effect, as I'm an awful stroy teller, but I was crying I was laughing so hard.

My wife had a similar expectation, and then she showed up to a home with no washer/dryer. She still does some of the laundry by hand and hangs it up (then irons the important stuff) but most of it is done by me when I take my mountain of dirty clothes to the laundromat on the weekends.

She has plans of hiring someone to do the laundry for us (by hand, I guess) after we win that Mega Millions jackpot. I support her on that one.

[Buck and Natalia 0]

I think the grand finale was a "tooie, tooie, tooie" spitting imitation.

LOL! I completely forgot that. And now I remember why. Because when I pointed out that spitting was probably just as unsanitary......you know what, I don't think that's a memory I particularly want to remember. Forget I said anything.

hahaha........ I love the "tooie, tooie, tooie" spitting imitation. Want a laugh? Ask them what noise a pig makes. From my fiancee I get this very cute "haarrrruuuu haarrruuu haaruuuuu" sound.

[katya_and_besik 0]

One thing I found interesting was that most Russian people I know who have washing machines have no set place to situate them. Some were in bathrooms, some in kitchens, others in living rooms

This is true, the so-called "Khrushchovkas" (panelled or brick 3-5-storied apartment buildings without elevators, introduced in Nikita Khrushchev's time) were very poorly designed. Combined bathrooms and tiny kitchens... no space for washing machines and dish-washers

[katya_and_besik 0]

I've gotta know, Katya, how on earth do you Russian ladies turn your anger on and off so quick? It's freaking scary!!

Let's just say it's a "Russian Thing" lol

[Brian & Elena 0]

I think the grand finale was a "tooie, tooie, tooie" spitting imitation.

LOL! I completely forgot that. And now I remember why. Because when I pointed out that spitting was probably just as unsanitary......you know what, I don't think that's a memory I particularly want to remember. Forget I said anything.

hahaha........ I love the "tooie, tooie, tooie" spitting imitation. Want a laugh? Ask them what noise a pig makes. From my fiancee I get this very cute "haarrrruuuu haarrruuu haaruuuuu" sound.

Yeah....ask them what sound a frog makes too....I have another story on that one later....oh yeah and a horse...and many other animals too...

[slim 1,533]

Whenever she tapped the straw she would say "took took took." I think it must be the equivalent of the little kissing sounds we make when interacting with a pet or something.

"Took took took" is like "knock knock knock."

I get that a lot with the - "Durak. Primitivny muzh" (starts to knock against the wall, or my head) "took took took."

[Satellite 1]

She emphasized each "cop" like a raindrop hitting the ground. It was cute.

Actually she wasn't being cute with you. The word for water drop or rain drop is капля. And "кап", "кап", "кап" is how someone would emphasize what the rain drops are doing, i.e, falling.

Whenever she tapped the straw she would say "took took took." I think it must be the equivalent of the little kissing sounds we make when interacting with a pet or something.

Again you are wrong. тук-тук is an actual word for knock-knock or rat-tat (a series of short sharp taps (as made by strokes on a drum or knocks on a door).

[katya_and_besik 0]

I get that a lot with the - "Durak. Primitivny muzh" (starts to knock against the wall, or my head) "took took took."

LOL You guys are so funny