The Just Under One Year Report

[doudis2 0]

Everyone in the world talks about how difficult their relationships are... WHY??? There's no reason to have a difficult relationship with anyone. And obviously, what started off as something very nice for the two of you ended up being a very messed-up situation.

It sounds like this girl is action-packed with issues. You don't need that. Have her family send her some money (or pay for it yourself) and send her back home. I

Sorry to be so blunt, but to be even more blunt.... there are 48,000 more girls out there right now waiting for your correspondence. Keep that in mind when you're "trying" to be good for her.

"She won't go back to Russia, ever. I had suggested that we both go there for a few weeks to let things cool down, it was out of the question. Her family has asked her to go back, not going to happen."

I wasn't looking for a relationship to begin with - we just met and fell in love. It is good that things ended when they did. It would have been much harder later. I guess everyone has drawn a line of what they can not accept, and for me violence was it.

Hi Russ,

Our gals got approved at about the same time last year. I'm so sorry to hear of your situation. I wish you the best in your future.

Just in case your interested, per your statement "She won't go back to Russia, ever. I had suggested that we both go there for a few weeks to let things cool down, it was out of the question. Her family has asked her to go back, not going to happen." read the following article I just read a couple of days ago. The link is http://www.azcentral.com/news/articles/0920deport0920.html

The article is below. The rules have changed.

Good Luck,

Doug

For Saudi, divorce means deportation

Popular on ASU campus, he's no longer welcome in U.S.

Sarah Muench

The Arizona Republic

Sept. 20, 2006 12:00 AM

Former Arizona State University student body president Yaser Alamoodi was closing in on his college diploma.

But earlier this month, just days before Sept. 11, five U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement agents banged on his door and placed him in handcuffs.

While he sits in a detention center in Eloy, waiting to be deported to a country he has never even visited, his lawyer and national groups are fighting to ensure he stays in the U.S. advertisement

"Never in a million years did I think what I would joke about would actually happen," Alamoodi said in an interview Tuesday via phone.

The detention of the 29-year-old Tempe resident, originally from Saudi Arabia, is a product of beefed-up post-9/11 immigration enforcement.

Alamoodi awoke Sept. 6 at 6 a.m. to ICE agents ready to take him to the deportation center, he said.

They said his immigration papers were denied after his wife, an American, revoked his immigration petition in August as part of the process of their divorce, according to Alamoodi and ICE. He had to leave the country, and the agents transported him to Eloy, where he has been ever since.

His swift apprehension resulted from a newly created Compliance Enforcement Unit in Phoenix, which deals with people who entered the country legally but violated their status, such as overstayed their visas, said Russell Ahr, an ICE spokesman.

"There's a dedicated unit . . . that processed that he was ineligible for residency . . . that resulted in the location and apprehension that he was in violation of laws of the United States," Ahr said.

Alamoodi thinks he was picked up so quickly because he is from Saudi Arabia, and he stressed to ICE agents that he is not a threat:

"I'm extremely secular. I was the president of my university. I have a commitment to everything America stands for, women's rights to civil rights."

The outspoken, active and well-known ASU student came to the United States in 1996. His citizenship and passport are from Yemen, where his father was born, but Alamoodi has never been there, he said. If he's deported, that's where he'll be forced to go.

Since the Sept. 11 terrorist attacks in 2001, the same year he started at ASU, Alamoodi has had his share of encounters with the federal authorities.

In 2002, he returned to Saudi Arabia to visit family in the summer and was unable to return for eight months because of security checks, he said.

And in the summer of 2004, an agent from the Joint Task Force on Terrorism showed up at his Tempe home to question him, asking if he knew of any upcoming terrorist attacks, he said.

Alamoodi was also a columnist for ASU's student newspaper, the State Press.

The last time he went to visit family, his name showed up on a no-fly list when he was supposed to come back, but officials changed it while he was at the airport, he said.

In August, he and his wife, Joy Hepp, whom he met at ASU, decided they would end their marriage. The marriage had guaranteed Alamoodi's stay in the United States and his pending green card. Hepp went to ICE and revoked Alamoodi's immigration papers as part of their divorce proceedings, she said, and a month later, agents arrested him.

Alamoodi and his lawyer think he has little chance to stay in the country unless his wife stops the divorce process.

"There are tons of people in a situation like his and Immigration will come into contact with them and say they don't have enough room for them and let them go," said Alamoodi's immigration attorney, Eric Bjotvedt. "To me, this is like they are singling him out."

Bjotvedt said that usually the government sends a letter saying people have a certain number of days to voluntarily leave the country before agents pick them up for deportation. Alamoodi said he never received such a letter.

Ahr said Alamoodi's quick arrest had nothing to with the fact that he is from a "country of interest," or a list of 25 predominantly Muslim countries the U.S. government created post-9/11 as part of the counter-terrorism Patriot Act.

"We are going to act on the person no matter where they come from," Ahr said. "I don't think statistically the number of people from countries of interest removed are any way skewed whatsoever. The vast majority are not from countries of interest."

Bjotvedt said Alamoodi could remain in Eloy for at least six months, possibly for years, to fight his deportation. Or he could go to Yemen and attempt to get a student visa to return to ASU to finish his studies, which could be difficult, considering his current status. Or he could regain his status if his wife stops the divorce.

An immigration attorney unrelated to the case said Alamoodi's deportation is part of the post-9/11 world.

"It's not surprising. His attorney might make a big fuss about why, why, why, but Congress and the executive branch concluded that certain people from certain countries needed to register," Randy Tunac said. "All this surprise and confusion aside, he's a clear person to be removed, and so the question now is if the laws in and of themselves are fair."

The American-Arab Anti-discrimination Committee, the Muslim American Society and friends are raising money to help pay Alamoodi's legal fees.

Mae Innabi, chair of the Phoenix chapter of the committee and a friend of Alamoodi, said she never thought it would happen to him.

"Not to Yaser. Yaser is probably one of the sweetest and kindest people you will ever meet," she said. "He stands firmly to his beliefs, and he believes in freedom and freedom of speech. He's always been a person that someone would look up to."

[Satellite 1]

doudis2,

Interesting article. However, there are estimates that there might be as many as 12 million "unlawfully present" individuals in the US. And officially less than 150,000 get deported through ICE/EOIR each year. I don't know if financially or practically we will be able to pull of what this article is suggesting.

I strongly believe he was singled out for his religion and country of origin.

Others like Russ's ex-wife will do just fine under the radar.

Source:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Illegal_immig...e_United_States

[PurrSuede 0]

Guys and Gals,

Sorry for being so quiet here lately. In many ways, it was a great first year. In others, not quite so.

Yesterday was the last straw.

I filed for divorce this morning, and for a restraining order. It is killing me inside that had no other choice.

I don't know where she is now, and don't know if I will ever see her again.

I will get through this, but it has been a very painful month. As always, thanks for everyone's support here!

Russ:

As you know, I was just divorced after two years of marriage. Yes it's a very painful thing to go through but you will get through it. While our circumstances were different, there were things in common as well, though the issues were not the same...

I just wanted to tell you that I wish you the best... I'm not going to go into all the stuff that happened with us, as I've done that elsewhere and this is your thread and chance to open up and talk about what's happened to you...

Right now I'm more depressed than angry, because I think of all the time and money I "invested" in meeting her, bringing her over here, the wedding, and everything else all to have it go for naught.

But as someone said, if it ain't right, it ain't RIGHT... so in a way if things were going to go bad, I'm glad I got out of things before other things happened (such as having a child together...)

Anyway, this isn't an easy time for you, and I empathize with what you are going through, and can assure you things do get better with time, so allow yourself time to get through this, maybe just a little bit better every day.

-- Dan

[travlnmannn 0]

Damn Russ. I can't even imagine. I have heart felt sympathy for you for sure. I'm very sorry to hear about this. Not only with you but for anybody. I can't even dream that when I will be married that something like this will happen. In the beginning when I was searching I found myself trying to avoid women with kids. I do truly love kids and want to have kids someday. But I've met someone with a child that I enjoy very much. I guess when you meet someone you need to really look at this person and dont be clouded by impulse. Look at everything this woman does. Remember that they are human. I dont understand some guys that only look at how beautiful his fiance is. Of course looks are important but that doesn't make a marriage last. We just have to learn from our mistakes and move on. Dont give up Russ. Things will get better.

[russ 1]

Damn Russ. I can't even imagine. I have heart felt sympathy for you for sure. I'm very sorry to hear about this. Not only with you but for anybody. I can't even dream that when I will be married that something like this will happen.

I would sincerely like to thank everyone for their thoughts and encouragement here. Her family and I are both of the opinion that returning to Russia is the best thing that can happen for her. I'm trying to do everything I can to make that choice easier. I may end up going there after all (albeit, that is a big stretch right now).

My wife didn't have any family friends of her own here, other than the people she has met in the last few weeks. From what I can tell, they have not been helping her situation.

Believe me, it is very difficult to be patient through all of this.

[Oregonfiancee 0]

Damn Russ. I can't even imagine. I have heart felt sympathy for you for sure. I'm very sorry to hear about this. Not only with you but for anybody. I can't even dream that when I will be married that something like this will happen.

I would sincerely like to thank everyone for their thoughts and encouragement here. Her family and I are both of the opinion that returning to Russia is the best thing that can happen for her. I'm trying to do everything I can to make that choice easier. I may end up going there after all (albeit, that is a big stretch right now).

My wife didn't have any family friends of her own here, other than the people she has met in the last few weeks. From what I can tell, they have not been helping her situation.

Believe me, it is very difficult to be patient through all of this.

You both look so good on a picture here...

Maybe it is possible to improve the situation somehow? You seem care a lot about your wife. Even now when you filed a divorce. Maybe you both can talk and who knows, maybe to save a relationship again with some lessons learnt?

First year is most difficult for many pairs, even without such big step as relocation to another country where you have no friends, completely dependent, etc. I don't know about the entire situation, just feel sorry for you both. Maybe there is a possibility to save a relationship?

Yes, returning to Russia seems to be the best choice for her if there is a divorce.

[russ 1]

You both look so good on a picture here...

Maybe it is possible to improve the situation somehow? You seem care a lot about your wife. Even now when you filed a divorce. Maybe you both can talk and who knows, maybe to save a relationship again with some lessons learnt?

First year is most difficult for many pairs, even without such big step as relocation to another country where you have no friends, completely dependent, etc. I don't know about the entire situation, just feel sorry for you both. Maybe there is a possibility to save a relationship?

Yes, returning to Russia seems to be the best choice for her if there is a divorce.

There is more going on, but yes, it is a possibility. The divorce is already finalized.

[PurrSuede 0]

Damn Russ. I can't even imagine. I have heart felt sympathy for you for sure. I'm very sorry to hear about this. Not only with you but for anybody. I can't even dream that when I will be married that something like this will happen. In the beginning when I was searching I found myself trying to avoid women with kids. I do truly love kids and want to have kids someday. But I've met someone with a child that I enjoy very much. I guess when you meet someone you need to really look at this person and dont be clouded by impulse. Look at everything this woman does. Remember that they are human. I dont understand some guys that only look at how beautiful his fiance is. Of course looks are important but that doesn't make a marriage last. We just have to learn from our mistakes and move on. Dont give up Russ. Things will get better.

I certainly didn't anticipate it would happen to me. And I was the same as you, I wanted a woman without kids so we could start a family of our own together.

The thing was, my ex-, an almost-30 yr old woman without kids... she was pretty much wrapped up in HERSELF. I met a woman recently with a 10 yr old child. Same age as my ex-. But the difference in maturity between the two women is like night and day. The woman who spent 10 years raising her daughter is NOT all wrapped up in herself like my ex- was... Her maturity and selflessness just radiates compared to my ex-'s selfishness...

I agree we have to learn from our mistakes and move on. But it was an expensive mistake, but as my lawyer said, if you had had children, you'd be paying for your "mistake" for a long, long time, so be glad it ended quickly.

[PurrSuede 0]

My wife didn't have any family friends of her own here, other than the people she has met in the last few weeks. From what I can tell, they have not been helping her situation.

My ex-wife took a job in a beauty salon and got Americanized through that hot-bed locale of gossip and estrogen mixture.

Bad choice in 20/20 hindsight. I can assure you the gossip-biddies did NOT help our situation one bit.

I also encouraged her to have her own Russian Women friends.

One of them turned out to be an immigrant Russian woman who was already divorced from her American husband, who had filed "on the sly" for lifting of conditions, pretending to be still married.

Turned out she was giving my ex- all kinds of advice, including "how to meet guys on the internet" and "how to sneak around the USCIS requirements".

As soon as my ex- had a car to drive (mine) and a job and money to spend she was off to the races in America and became extremely independent, including to the point that she would lie to my face about situations that occured. One begins to question a lot of fraudulent activity from square one, when you get lied to about such simple things as what time did you stop by the bank today, and what time did you leave work? Seems like harmless questions, but when someone instantly takes offense at them and lies to your face about them, well....

Once trust goes out the window, the rest of the relationship certainly isn't far behind...

Granted we had other problems and issues and things I won't even begin to go into here, but her process of "Americanizing" and the friends she did make were HUGE in the fact she blew off the marriage an entire year before the "conditions could be lifted".

I suspect some of her less than above-board activities that she's engaged in since we parted may also have been cultivated by these "oh so very helpful" friends.

Anyway, it's her life on her own now. She'll need to decide for herself who's ~really~ a friend and who's not. It ain't Russia any more... If those friends meant more to her than her (ex-)husband, well that's her choice to make but don't let the door hit you in the butt on your way yout...

Just something I would definitely keep an eye on if I do go down this path again...

-- Dan

[travlnmannn 0]

I have to say PurrSuede that you should be able to tell a womans maturity either way if she has kids or not. We all have to remember that they are still women. They have different values for the most part but dont be fooled into thinking that they will come here and stay barefoot pregnant in the kitchen making dinner for you. I've found that Russian women are very strong willed. They have desires to succeed in life. At least the what I can see. Or maybe I'm just lucky enough to have a woman that is very goal oriented. Yes she has a child and I"m sure it makes her more mature. But in the same token I can't believe that she would be any different if she didn't have a child. Also remember that a Russian woman with a child is more inclined to put her child first. Russian women are very different from American women in that sense. Their child comes first. For sure you will be second to her child. Dont think your first. It seems that allot of men on here think that Russian women are some kind of commodity. Pretty sad in my eyes. I met one women before I met my fiance (of course she knows about it). And I knew that the one that I met first wasn't for me. Very self absorbed and just not what I am looking for. Then I met my fiance. Gotta look for those red flags.

[snz1802 0]

Russ

I am so sorry to hear of this, you are in my prayers

Stacey

[PurrSuede 0]

I have to say PurrSuede that you should be able to tell a womans maturity either way if she has kids or not. We all have to remember that they are still women. They have different values for the most part but dont be fooled into thinking that they will come here and stay barefoot pregnant in the kitchen making dinner for you.

Nor was I looking for that... in fact most of the time I was the one making dinner and I'm a damn good cook, if I do say so myself, and in fact I enjoy doing this for someone I care for...

I've found that Russian women are very strong willed. They have desires to succeed in life. At least the what I can see. Or maybe I'm just lucky enough to have a woman that is very goal oriented. Yes she has a child and I'm sure it makes her more mature. But in the same token I can't believe that she would be any different if she didn't have a child.

Perhaps, or perhaps I just learned "the hard way" from my marriage... But I have no doubt she would have been a VERY different woman had she had a child, because most women with a child simply can NOT be so self-absorbed after raising a child for so many years...

Also remember that a Russian woman with a child is more inclined to put her child first. Russian women are very different from American women in that sense. Their child comes first. For sure you will be second to her child. Dont think your first.

I never expected for "me" to be first. But running a household, taking care of a home, doing the things that need to be taken care of, these should be TEAM efforts, things done ~together~ by both concerned, not just by one (me). And my point was that once she came to America she had the wherewithal to become clothes-horse and fashion-horse and cosmetic fanatic. Not that she couldn't look damn good in Russia, but her main focus became these things once she Americanized... not in the "home and family" interest she claimed to have in Russia.

There's a huge difference between a woman putting her child first, and putting herself first and foremost over EVERYTHING.

It seems that allot of men on here think that Russian women are some kind of commodity. Pretty sad in my eyes. I met one women before I met my fiance (of course she knows about it). And I knew that the one that I met first wasn't for me. Very self absorbed and just not what I am looking for. Then I met my fiance. Gotta look for those red flags.

Well I hope your situation turns out better than mine did, but you really don't KNOW someone until you live with them, regardless of how much time you spend talking or in email. And you also don't know how they will adapt to the foreign culture (ours) they are entering... and as I said the "beauty salon" culture really sucked her in and absorbed her completely... and this was NOT something she was doing in Russia, or at least, anything I was aware of.

I'm not saying this is a "bad thing" per se, it's her choice to do this, but it's not what she ~said~ she was getting married for. I'm talking about being a TEAM of husband and wife, taking care of a house (much less a child) takes TEAMWORK and communication and mutual concern for the things that need to get done... that's part of maturity as well...

And there's a huge difference between what someone SAYS they want and what they turn out to be like with all the changes a foreign culture can bring to their life.

-- Dan

[russ 1]

Russ

I am so sorry to hear of this, you are in my prayers

Stacey

A quick update. My wife has mainly been concerned with her green card (she doesn't want to see her parents or go home). I've been trying to help her as much as I can.

We saw an immigration lawyer last week to see if anything can be done for her. She didn't like what she heard. Her options basically are:

1) Leave after the divorce.

2) Marry someone else.

3) Marry me again (not likely to happen now).

4) Apply for and H-1 visa in April (would be good for next October).

5) Work for my company in Russia, apply for an L-1.

Personally, I think that option 4 is the best. L-1 visas allow you to get a green card after 3 years, and are not tied to marriage. As many of of you know, she normally would have another option to self petition, but this will not work in her case.

Option 2 is somewhat difficult for her as well. In this case, CIS would want to be satisfied with the merits of her first marriage, which we haven't been able to do.

She won't do anything that requires spending any time in Russia.

[slim 1,514]

Is she that set on staying here? (Or is she that against going back?)

[Cliff_Ksenia 0]

I've been away from the forums for a few months but decided to just check out what has been happening, very sorry to hear of your problems Russ. I hope all works out for you. So far Ksenia and I are off to a good start, our Daughter is due Feb 12.