she's a queen!!!!

[gretchen_darren 67]

well, what I found out is the padre did not yet know about me. (padre is really not in touch with all of his parishioners is he?) the village knew. they nominated her hoping I would help. It is not bad, but it shocked many when she won. It was the first time the village won, or the berangay. (another barangay normally wins.) Her winning, and the happiness of her village and barangay is huge to me. A lot of people know about us now in the area. Also, after we get her AOS with AP done, we will be going back for a wedding in the church there. (first, I have to become eligible, then take 9 months of classes with her.) So the village basically pulled one over on the whole church. this is why I want nothing said. It could be a blessing or ..... you never know how a girl takes to losing something when they normally win. And she beat 24 girls this year.

Thanks everyone for your blessings... "God bless us, every one"

[gretchen_darren 67]

WAAAHOOOO, I am going.... get to see mahal ko in just 72 hours :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

I just won't want to leave......

[Messybrownhair 251]

WAAAHOOOO, I am going.... get to see mahal ko in just 72 hours :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

I just won't want to leave......

Ahhh how awesome!! How long can you stay? Hopefully you get your NOA2 soon as well

[southcalhog 43]

WAAAHOOOO, I am going.... get to see mahal ko in just 72 hours :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance: :dance:

I just won't want to leave......

Have a great time and enjoy! Glad you got off work.How long you will be gone?

[gretchen_darren 67]

only there 4 days but is nice to visit. It would be nice to approval while there......Did some shopping for her today as well. Hopefully she likes the clothes I take.... even better, the clothes actually fit her. just 4 days for 2 days of travel... but worth it for even just a few hours....

[gretchen_darren 67]

almost did not tell them I am coming, but the local family knows I am going since I turned down invites for this weekend. Wanted to just show up on her doorstep...but I have completely surprised them.... (hehe, I DID tell them I WOULD be back in 3 months, just not on which date. My fiance winning and the lack of NOA2 gave me good reason to go.)

wow... my fiance and her parents are happy I am coming... but worried I am spending too much money or will spend too much money. The news spread like wildfire through the village I am coming. I told them we are NOT throwing a party this time. I explained how I am getting discounts from the hotel with a free night, plus discounts through the airlines with frequent flyer. I think they are worried about having no money due to storms. I am only coming because this is a very very very important day to Gretchen. NO other reason apart from we are still waiting on NOA2. We hope to take her to embassy in July. But we do not know dates yet. Not until we have the approval on the NOA2 do we know a time frame. Hope they don't mind I bought her a dozen bikinis, and at least a dozen dresses. Going to take her shopping for jeans, shorts, shirts, etc when I get there. (Just a few items to help her out.)

[TravellingNomad 12]

congratulations to your fiancee for winning the santa cruzan! are you going to be her escort? if you are...be prepared to be on your feet for several hours. back in the 90's the first time i went back home for a visit, my cousins tricked me into escorting their santa cruzan's queen. i thought it would just be walking around for the afternoon parade. did not know that there was a whole activity when the sun came down. i ended up standing right beside the queen on stage for 6 hours. boy was my feet killing me at the end! and all i got offered was afterwards was coffee and pan de sal LOL. i gotta admit...the queen that year was pretty!

[gretchen_darren 67]

hehe, I have no idea. Her cousin is to be her escort. But who knows what will happen. They have told me there is the parade at 3 pm then the mass. that is it. However, I know them, you never know WHAT can happen But I think I will get more then coffee and pan de sal, maybe some lambing from the "Queen" at this year's Santacruzan....

[sunandmoon 450]

enjoy your visit. though short, I'm sure it will be sweet

[edp333 9]

Congrats and have a safe trip.

[rlogan 2,036]

Still waiting for my manager's approval. It maybe Monday before I know.

I barely know anything about the santacruzan. I am taking crash courses on the roman catholic church.

Well, Maybe there was ticket sold, but I wanted no tickets. Just a fundraiser for the church is all I knew. I ended up getting hoodwinked into the deal. :bonk: I was mad, upset, angry at being used. But when I did research on it. Looked at what it meant. Knew she had been a reyna at 14, then knew this was her last chance. they wanted to give her a dream. Something no girl in their village had ever won. The village was asking me to help her achieve her dream. the village and padre were hoping I loved her enough to go beyond the "hoodwinking". the village and the padre "nominated" her. There were about 23 other girls, not quite sure on the exact number. One from each Baringay/purok at the parish with a chapel. The girl last year rose $4,000php. Gretchen - Queen Reyna Elana - rose $7,900php for the church and $4,000ohp for the chapel. Her dress, crown, makeup was another $2,000php. Yes, I did help. :help: After all, you can't let your girl down after she is nominated by her village to be "the Queen". :yes: If I failed, I probably would not be allowed back into the village. :no: I was told the padre was going to say a special blessing for me during the service. I told them to tell the padre not to. Say nothing about what I did. Everyone already knows or suspects, saying something would confirm it. Say nothing, absolutely nothing to the congregation. The padre can say a special blessing in his daily private prayers if the padre so chooses. I never knew how much it meant to her until talking to some of her relatives here and there. That is what made me decide to ask to go. I could have asked 6 or 7 weeks ago, but thought better of it, waiting for the approval for manila trip. The best news is I will hit elite status with PAL on this trip, then premier elite on the manila trip. When it comes time to bring Gretchen to the US, I will be close to 70,000 miles, maybe I get to bring her back "for free".

But I am not one to be trifled with, I have spread the word, the only thing I determined to do was support each girl from the purok/village or of my fiance's choosing each year for now on. Maybe next year, I will give $5,000php for each girl outside of the national highway area. Let them decide who wins. :rofl:

My wife was the queen. Before she met me. Her younger sister was nominated this year, but declined the nomination. I think this is a perfect example of how they've learned the ethic I want in my family. The neighbors helped pay for my wife when she was the queen, when her family was desperately poor. Now that they have this americano, they turned down the event altogether. The neighbors want to say "oh you have this Americano now so you are rich and can act like a queen..." But what we are doing instead is keeping a low profile, being humble, and working hard. Her sister is studying an hour a day over the internet with me because the schools are so wretched there.

I didn't even know her sister had turned them down until my wife just told me as I related this story to her. She didn't even mention it because they are now very conscious of any kind of financial pressure on me.

I'm not exactly sure of all the details, but this story is a big red flag for me. The tactic they used is called the "double bind". You are put in a situation where you lose no matter what, and the people manipulating you are engineering you to choose the option where you give them money, but in a way that makes you feel obligated to do it - you are the bad guy if you don't - and you don't get the gratitude and fulfillment you do out of helping without being blackmailed.

Secrecy, ignorance, and ambushing the mark are key elements of this tactic. If you are told at the time they are initially planning the surprise, and are fully informed about the event, the ambush won't work. They have to spring the "nomination" as a done deal and put you in the position of being the bad guy and ruining someone's lifelong dream, huge public embarassment etc. if you don't pony up the money. Yes, absolutely they are banking on exploiting your conscience to take advantage of you.

What kind of people secretly engineer a situation where you are made to feel like a big social outcast if you don't pay extortion money? Everything is cloaked in the garb of religion, charity, and happy festival of course, but that does not justify hoodwinking, blackmail, and angering someone to get their money. I take what you said about being angry about being hoodwinked and used as extremely important.

I said "no" when this kind of thing was sprung on me. They'd say that having a big pig roast and feeding the whole neighborhood was a "tradition" for something or other. Oh really? When was the last time you actually did that? Never. Grandma's funeral - oh I already told everyone we were paying for this and that... Really? Too bad. Your problem, not mine. Borrowed money to pay for something without telling me? Not my problem. You say the electricity is being shut off if you don't pay the bill tomorrow? Why did you keep this secret until the very moment it was about to be shut off? So that you could ambush me with this "emergency" and make me feel like having the electricity shut off was my fault, that's why. Guess what - no electricity for you this month.

I made my wife take a dress back to the store she bought without talking to me first, because it had not been budgeted so of course the next step would have been to say "we are out of rice" and blackmail me into buying rice. She went two days without food on the trip to the Manila interview because she spent the travel money on clothes. Wow was she mad at me for that. She hung up on me and did not talk to me for those two days.

I realize how eager we are to be the hero, and when we have money and money isn't important to us we tend to shovel it out. But we are teachers, and what we teach can be the wrong lesson when we allow them to manipulate us.

Once they see the tactic of shaming and guilt-tripping you works or that everything is a big tradition or honor, then you're going to get an endless conveyor belt of it. And it isn't so much that it costs you money, but that you are teaching people to be manipulative.

I have no problem with being wrong about this. But it is omnipresent in Filipina-Americano relationships, and something you have to be very careful about. Money can make things worse, not better, when it rewards bad behavior. My wife has extended family that has had all the wrong things happen because of an overseas worker sending money home.

Nobody works. All the money is wasted. People are constantly fighting. Booze, tobacco, and gambling. Her family saw the kinds of tactics they all used and initially they tried them with me. My wife too. Special occasion. Emergency. Tradition. Blow all the money like there's no tomorrow.

But now my little sister got nominated for the same thing and didn't even tell me about it despite seeing me every day at 7 pm for her math lesson.

[new1 2]

I said "no" when this kind of thing was sprung on me. They'd say that having a big pig roast and feeding the whole neighborhood was a "tradition" for something or other. Oh really? When was the last time you actually did that? Never. Grandma's funeral - oh I already told everyone we were paying for this and that... Really? Too bad. Your problem, not mine. Borrowed money to pay for something without telling me? Not my problem. You say the electricity is being shut off if you don't pay the bill tomorrow? Why did you keep this secret until the very moment it was about to be shut off? So that you could ambush me with this "emergency" and make me feel like having the electricity shut off was my fault, that's why. Guess what - no electricity for you this month.

I made my wife take a dress back to the store she bought without talking to me first, because it had not been budgeted so of course the next step would have been to say "we are out of rice" and blackmail me into buying rice. She went two days without food on the trip to the Manila interview because she spent the travel money on clothes. Wow was she mad at me for that. She hung up on me and did not talk to me for those two days.

I have no problem with being wrong about this. But it is omnipresent in Filipina-Americano relationships, and something you have to be very careful about. Money can make things worse, not better, when it rewards bad behavior. My wife has extended family that has had all the wrong things happen because of an overseas worker sending money home.

wow, you know i agree with you in almost everything you say..i like quoting what you say about Americano-Filipina relationships coz theyre true and posting it on my facebook..

Money doesnt grow on trees:p my fiance sends me money sometimes, and i always spend it wisely.. i like to budget myself.. if and when someone, even a family member breaks that budget i get really pissy..coz its not really MY money im spending but my fiance's:p and he works hard for it, i dint:p

i totally understand where youre coming from, coz mostly what you said is true.. the manipulation and blackmailing is ever present..

BUT, to make her return a dress and no food for two days coz she messed up her budget? im sorry, i know its your money but personally i think thats way too harsh, very mean.. maybe you dont have any idea how it is to be hungry, it sucks i tell you.. and to purposely humiliate and make her go hungry coz of a mistake she made, wonder what you'll do if its more than just messing up a budget..

you couldve just told her that you will not tolerate this again.. make sure she understands that there wont be next time, you wont and never will allow it.. although i dont know what made you do that, she prolly had done it few times before, maybe she deserved it.. we call that karinyo brutal here.. glad to see everything worked out between you though..

this is just my opinion, youre still my idol

[gretchen_darren 67]

Thank you for your input. Yes. I did see those things. My fiance had asked me if she could participate. If I had said no, she would have turned it down. Her parents did not want any hoodwinking going on. I have talked to my fiance's parents since coming here. Her parents are concerned about me getting her to the US. That is their main concern. I am sending money to help them provide for her and keep her healthy while we are waiting for hte NOA2 and the trip to the embassy. On Friday, when I arrived and we checked into the hotel. My suitcase had not been brought form my fiance's house. My fiance asked if I was going to change. I said how? all my clothes and items are in the suitcase at your house. I did not bring anything. You should have seen everyone's eyes go wide. I HAD meant what I said. And I HAD left everything I needed with my FIANCE. It surprised all of them. They finally realized HOW important THAT suitcase was to ME. It also showed them how thrifty I was being. They also found out even at a nice hotel like I am staying at, walking to the mall, I am getting a free night at the hotel, plus am staying closer to the airport so can spend more time with my fiance versus the long drive. Plus when I sent pizza home to them on Saturday, I got 4 pizzas for the price of two. (buy 1 get 1 free.) They have found out how thrifty I am. My fiance will learnmore as we go along. the problem is the difference in living. Americans live "higher" then most people, but it is not any "higher" then anyone else. Americans just expect more amenities in our way of living.

I also traced where the things are coming from. I KNOW who is trying to work the system. She has been trying to run the system for years and getting away with it. Now I have come along and seen it even more then she wanted me too. It is not someone in her family. But someone outside the family. the outside girl wanted to borrow money from me without her parents knowing. Her parents and I live in the same town and talk a lot. I said sure, but only because your baby is sick. Nothing else. Her parents nad I have talked alot. My biggest gripe to them is why is she always asking for money, why ain't her "live in guy" providing?? this "outside girl" had the nerve to hand me a letter requesting money for the chapel in the village right after I got there. (side note: when the letter was handed to me, everyone vanished in my fiancee's family. I was in my fiancee's house. this was a signal to me, my fiancee's family did not approve which I verified with my fiancee later on.) I read the letter, then said I would consider it. BUT my main goal is getting my fiance to the US, and helping the family. I will help the church as needed. I am taking the letter back to my diocese and dealing with it from there. I am going to come down hard on this letter with a response before I leave. I know this "outside girl" thinks she can run things. I have noticed things while being here. My fiance's family knows this was a check up. Knows I wanted to see where the money was going and also knows, I want to see how things are going. This was unplanned but good for everyone. Also, we have stayed at the hotel this time, away from the village. This has kept the village at bay. On Saturday, her brother and cousin came to visit, on Sunday her parents came to visit at the hotel. Monday, we are going to the village for the celebration, I will be her escort as the church has decided on Sunday (without me knowing, but inquiring if I wished to.), but going back to the hotel in the evening. It is not that I do not want to stay overnight in the village. It is I am separating my fiance from the village. Today is very very very special for her. The gown is almost like a wedding gown. I will post videos soon.

Please keep the input coming. It is good to keep eyes open when sometimes you can't see through the blinders.....