brighteyes1

Having dinner, a picnic, school activities, family gatherings those are all socializing. I didn't mention anything about pursuing a young person nor did I say it was for me to approve or disapprove of her relationship. Regardless of whether we like it or not 18 is considered an adult, and some may be emotionally and mentally mature at that age and some may not. Mohammedsgirl just asked for advice and opionons not for insults. What if at 19 your son pursues a 35 year old woman? It's so easy to judge others when your not in their shoes and it's always best not to because GOD has the power to put us in others shoes and experience the same thing. No one said I was a "friend" to my children, all are self supporting, healthy minded and respect me as their mother not their friend. And as far my children's friends, all the mothers were the same we all had concern for our children as mothers and they respected us as mothers. Isn't the fact that we don't socialize enough with our children that this country is going to pot with education, with drug addiction, with teenage pregnancy and so on? Just a thought. No insult intended to anyone.

There is an Arabic wisdom that says, "The wise has his tongue behind his heart the foolish has his tongue before his heart", which means the wise thinks before he talks and the foolish just says whatever he says before thinking.

A person can advise a person in a civil manner on this web site without making them regret that they trusted their feelings here on VJ. We all have our relationships and most of us wish each other well instead of condemning others. Love is love regardless of age, religion, looks, money, anything. So if people cannot believe that this young man might actually be mature enough mentally to have a relationship then why do we allow drinking at this age? Doesn't that distort their maturity and judgement even more?

I've never involved myself in conversations here but it's sad to read so much condemnation constantly towards people seeking advice.

How does talking to a teenage son and his friends make it ok for a 35 yr old woman to develop a love relationship with a 19 yr old boy? I don't often agree with Hanging in There but I also have a 14 yr old son and God help any 35 yr old woman if she goes after my boy when he's 19. I understand that the OP stated that she wasn't aware of her SO's age until several months after chatting and didn't even know what he looked like. Ok fine. But then if she knew that little about the guy how was it that she was able to develop such a strong feeling of love towards him? Once she discovered he was that young she should've shown some self restraint and either dismissed him or only continued to speak with him on a friend level. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what this thread is about so much but it's just so hard for some of us to believe this relationship was allowed to continue.

I speak with my teenage son and his friends on a mom level. I can't relate to them on a friend level or God forbid, a romantic level. I'm the mom. I certainly would never "socialize" with them. I doubt most mothers "socialize" with their teenagers and their friends. You can't exactly mother your children efficiently if you're busy socializing with them and acting like their friend.

How does talking to a teenage son and his friends make it ok for a 35 yr old woman to develop a love relationship with a 19 yr old boy? I don't often agree with Hanging in There but I also have a 14 yr old son and God help any 35 yr old woman if she goes after my boy when he's 19. I understand that the OP stated that she wasn't aware of her SO's age until several months after chatting and didn't even know what he looked like. Ok fine. But then if she knew that little about the guy how was it that she was able to develop such a strong feeling of love towards him? Once she discovered he was that young she should've shown some self restraint and either dismissed him or only continued to speak with him on a friend level. I'm sorry, I know this isn't what this thread is about so much but it's just so hard for some of us to believe this relationship was allowed to continue.

I speak with my teenage son and his friends on a mom level. I can't relate to them on a friend level or God forbid, a romantic level. I'm the mom. I certainly would never "socialize" with them. I doubt most mothers "socialize" with their teenagers and their friends. You can't exactly mother your children efficiently if you're busy socializing with them and acting like their friend.

MashALLAH to Mohammedsgirl, she asked for advice and opinions not for all the judgement. Bitterness seems to have seeped into your heart since your last relationship. No matter the opinion, GOD's destiny is in everyone's life including yours. Whether the results are amazing or heartbreaking she's already started her journey with him. Your life must not be too social if you don't know your sons friends and talk to them more than just "where's your backpack and what will you major in at school?". I made especially sure to know my childrens friends and they were always welcome in my home and I learned alot from them and they knew they always had someone to turn to if they needed. Where do you think children and young adults learn their wisdom from? How do we continue to learn if we cut off conversation from people of certain ages?

Saying the relationship between a man and woman of this age is an insult about our Prophet Muhammad (SAW). In Islam the love is about the character not the face or age, this is speaking about a true practicing Muslim. Why not wish her the best and support her as a sister, regardless of her religion or her age. When you make this implication you are also making it about the young man. I doubt you ever spoken to him so you are judging him too. Please expand your mind and get out and volunteer with the younger generation you may learn something. You would be truly amazed what you would learn from them and they are our future you know. They will be taking care of us when we are old, better to understand than not be able to communicate with them at all. I wish you the best.

I have a 15 year old son. If in 3 years, as a high school senior, he struck up a relationship with a 35 year old, which is what ages match the situation, I dont know about the rest of you, but I would be reading her the riot act. I can somehow visualise late 20s (with difficulty) but a man child? Its child abuse as far as I am concerned and bordering on predatory. What normal 35 year old woman has anything to share with an 18 year old? I would be trying to ask his mom about what college he was going to or trying to be an older sister or a mom to him. My living youngest is 6 and I have a teen and I would be comepletely pissed and flipping out if some older woman put her fangs into him. Thats really gross and says alot about the petitioner as far as I am concerned. As a mom of a teen, it really hits home. When are we as women supposed to act motherly and mature? What age is too young? Does someone 35 really have anything at all to say to an 18 year old except...wheres your backpack and what will you major in at school?

He is a child. At 22 he is a junior or senior in college, can barely drink in the USA and has been involved with you since he was in his teens. Its very cougarish and frankly if anyone like you got ahold of my child 3 years from now, my 10th grader, when he is 18, I would be reading you the riot act. Do you have a child that age, especially a boy? Its really really gross frankly. I dont care what anyone here says. No boy who is 19 has ANYTHING in common with a woman in her mid 30s. If he was in his late 20s, I could somehow see this but he was a child when you met him

Why were you chatting with a teen regularly when you were in your mid thirties.? what could you possibly have in common with a child?

Eid Mubarak to All Muslims on Visa Journey except Gomer Pyle, lol. Just kidding. =p