P and G

I very rarely get on VJ these days or even post, but I feel compelled to say something. I pray for a first time approval for you, because being denied or having a lengthy AP is something that I wouldn't want anyone to go through. Many real relationships where both parties are Christians and have prayed, fasted, etc. have ended up in denial or AP. Sometimes it is not the right time because there are still lessons to be learned. I remember one poster was boasting about the genuiness of their relationship, their faith and knowing that they were going to get approved, sadly enough they got denied. They were not even placed on AP. I learned a life lesson about patience and that it is all in the Masters hand and in his timing (i.e my thoughts are not His thoughts, my ways are not His ways). May you get your approval the first time around and share your experience with everyone.

thanks patient 2010 but its the middle names i am having the issue with. so the last name is fine but the middle names are reversed on the passport. on every other docs it is John Doe but on the passport the given names right below surname is written as Doe John and thats why i am worried.

We had a similar situation with my husband. His birth certificate says John Mark Doe, but his passport that is four years old says Mark John Doe. We applied for the visa using the birth certificate name John Mark Doe, but USCIS changed it to be what the passport says Mark John Doe, and this is how we've been submittign all of his paper work since. I believe that the visa and the passport should be in synch so there are no issues when you travel. They understand that in Nigeria people flip flop these names and it is no big issue.

I have been in your shoes and I can say that everything everyone has said is true. There is no future in this relationship. I don't doubt that you love this man. But this issue goes beyond love. You can love someone that is not right or good for you, as you are certainly experiencing now. Love is only one part of the equation in a good relationship. The man has many problems, and he will probably not change anytime soon unless something very drastic happens. And you leaving him is not the thing that is going make him change. I once dated a guy that had a similar insecurity he thought everytime I was outside some guy was hitting on me or I was going to cheat on him. It was so bad he didn't even want me to go to the supermarket by myself for fear that I was going to get hit on. Now at first I thought it was something I was doing or not doing, and thought how could he think that I was capable of doing such things, then I realized that I was not the problem that there was something very, very, wrong with his thinking. Needless to say that after 2 years of this kind of behavior things got progressively worst. With each break up and makeup, he was always so sincerely apologetic and did his best for a few days to show me he was a changed man until the next time (and trust me it does get worst with time). Do you see my point. These relationships are typically filled with a lot of passion. Please do not confuse this passion for the stability a good relationship requires.

Do yourself a favor and put yourself first. You can't save anyone else if you're not capable of first saving yourself. When you take a piece of paper and write down the positives and negatives of this relationship, I can bet my hat that the negatives far outweigh the positives. Your positives probably are that he makes me feel good, he tells me how much he loves me, he tells me that no one else will ever love me the same way, etc. Does any of this sound familiar to you? How about things like he makes me feel safe, I can count on him, he is responsible, he takes my feelings into consideration, I can trust him. These are just a few of the things that good relationships are made of.

Love him enough to let him go and possibly get the help he needs. Whether he does or not, he is responsible for his own life. It is not your job, nor could you do it anyway to save someone who doesn't or isn't able to be saved. He will pull you down with him. It does not make you heartless. You will still be a good person after this. One day you will use this experience to help someone in a similar positon.

Congratulations on the completion of this phase of your Visa Journey. Too many of us here now how difficult going through Lagos is. I hope you get everything your heart desires here with your husband.

MAO you are true to your word about updating us. Again I applaud you for being so open. I'm happy for you guys, so nice to hear that a couple can work through their differences. We're pulling for you.

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO EVERYBODY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :dance: SENDING SOME LOVE TO YOU ALL WHOOT WHOOT!!!! LOL.

No, seriously though things are pretty good, finally making some progress. My emotions have been semi-bipolar per my kids. Happy! finally laughing the way we did when I was in Nigeria both times! Scared with tears, hoping I've made the rigt decision! Mad! How dare this man put me through this, I'm out!!!!!! racing thoughts through my mind! Shoud I ask him to go, should he stay! Last but not least, we just might make it this time around!!

He is coming around. Understands that phone has to be available for me to answer since everything has to be transparent! He's beginning to soften up and not be so pig headed. He has completely admitted his actions were down right evil, senseless and admitted he was a horrible person for putting me through this. He's begun attending religious meetings again, after going through a period of guilt. We have gone out on dates, we text each other more through out the day with love you baby, I'm so soo sorry are his infamous words right now, we laugh more.

We still have a long road ahead but he has said several times, he has grown so comfortable with being with me and can't get his mind off of what he did and how much he loves me!!

Don't worry yall, I aint no fool, My eyes and ears are still wide open and will be for a long time.

Love you all, wishing you all MUCH success and happiness without the pain! Please be wise and learn from this forum. I'm sharing my life because we are in this together.

Bye!

Do husbands qualify?

MAO thank you for allowing us to follow and learn from your story. Truly praying for God's best for you, your husband and the entire family.

Wow is all I can say. My heart goes out to you. This is not an easy situation. I am amazed how God reveals things to us when we are not even looking, but at a time when we are ready to deal with it. There's nothing hidden that won't be revealed. In the end this is your marriage and you have to do what is right for you and your situation. I'm one of those people that are very pro-relationships, but experience has taught me that when someone truly loves and cherishes you their actions will show it. That doesn't mean that they won't make mistakes, but even when a mistake is made you still know that they love you because of their consistent actions [not words]. I have a girlfriend whose husband had some indiscretion with another woman when they were going through some hardships and I told her to work it out with him because I knew this man loved her. Before this incident he had always treated her like gold and stuck with her through some very difficult times when another man would have left her. Yes her husband screwed up, but none of us is perfect. Their marriage is stronger as a result of weathering that storm. What they had going for them was a very strong foundation of love and commitment before this one indiscretion and that is what I based my advice on.

My suggestion to you is to search your heart deeply and ask your self some questions, barring the infidelity how did this man treat you in the past? Is he good to you? Is he respectful? Does he make you feel like you are important? Does he consider your needs? Is he truthful? Is he honest? Can he be counted on? God forbid, if you were to be bedridden and couldn't do for yourself, can you count on him to be there? Is he proud of you, does he support your dreams, etc. Can you trust him with your life? Only you know the answers to questions like these and others that are important to you. A pastor once told me in a relationship consistency is the key. Whatever a person consistently shows you is a good indicator of who he or she is. He also told me that just because someone is a good father, it does not make him a good husband.

Give yourself some time to process all that is happened. You do not have to make any decisions right away. You and your family are in my prayers.

I have been reading this topic since it started and didn't really think I had anything to add because my husband isn't here yet. I'll share my experience from another perspective. I dated another Nigerian man who was already here legally in the states for 10 years and he was like what some of you ladies have shared, didn't take me out, was not affectionate, it was his way or no way, he was on other dating sites, etc. etc. I got out of that "relationship" because it just didn't feel right, but not before giving too much of myself and getting hurt. I finally woke up and realized that I deserved better than that. I met my husband online (I made the first move) and I am 11 years older than him. What is different in this relationship is it is natural and I don't have that feeling in the pit of my stomach that something is not right. I always have that feeling when something is not right in a relationship even when I choose to ignore it.

I went to Nigeria with my children to have the traditonal ceremony and we stayed with my husband's family. His sister, mother, father, nieces, nephew, childhood friends, neighbors, etc. all were there for the ceremony. His pastor of 14 years performed the ceremony, and 6 elder males from the church were there. The next day we went to the church and the Pastor called us to the front and announced to the entire church that he had finally gotten married and introduced us, everyone came up and shook our hand and prayed for us. His eldest sister who is a Police Officer took me to her job to meet her superior officer. He has a 8-year old daughter from a previous relationship that me and the children have spoken to over the phone and were able to finally meet. The kids refer to each other as brother and sister.

I guess my point is in this relationship there is a lot of family bonding and openness, his mother and father call my dad often to chat with him. His nieces and nephew are close with my children. I am very close to his parents. He and I are very affectionate towards one another. We were always together. His mother commented to him recently that he openly expresses his love to me no matter who is there (except for the elders), while she felt that his dad did not do that because it is not what they do in the culture. She likes that my husband is that way with me. My husband says he feels that is a part of the problem with the culture in Nigeria that too many people are afraid to be themselves bcause this thing or that thing is not a part of the culture.

When I first met my husband I was skeptical bcause of the known scams, so I got my family involved to check him out. My sister and brother-in-law spent many nights giving him the third degree. I had several things that I was on the alert for and knew if he did certain things that it would be a red flag and I would be out of there immediately (i.e. wanting money, inconsistencies, disrespecting me, lies, incongruency [words not matching action], etc.). I should also point out that he does not have any friends in the U.S. I believe he has one cousin that he hasn't seen or spoken to in years that lives in California.

Only time will tell if he is the same person once he gets here. If he is not he has a lot of people that he must give account to on both sides. His Pastor watches over us and advises us because he wants us to be successful.

My heart goes out to you. I pray for your husband's safety.

Yeah, I am so happy for you guys. Another couple out of AP. Congratulations!!!

Congratulations!!!

Wow, that is good news. Congratulations!!! That's Give us all some hope. I hope my hubby is out of AP soon.

I just got off the phone discussing the same thing with my husband. He has been in Administrative Processing for a little over a month in Nigeria. Who knows how long it will take for AP to end and what the final result will be. This process is MUCH harder than we ever envisioned. Although our preference is to have him here in the US, if things don't work out that way then we would have to move to be with him. The children are in agreement with this although my 12 year old prefers to go to school in the US, but we've decided better to be together as a family in Nigeria, than apart in the US.

The hardest part about this journey is that you are so powerless, all you can do is present the best information and just wait...and wait...and wait. Some days I just don't know what to do with myself.

That was one of the most positive things I've ever read about AP. I was so upset and couldn't understand why God didn't answer our prayers when my husband was placed on AP on March 07. Since then I've stopped acting like a spoiled brat, and am learning patience and know that everything happens when the time is right.

Your post is very inspiring to me as a reminder that when this is all over I will understand and appreciate the delay.

I am sending prayers for a speedy and full recovery for your mom. May God continue to strengthen you and give you peace.

Here is a link to Georgia's Pre-K Programme.

http://decal.ga.gov/BftS/EnrollingInPreK.aspx

This is wonderful news indeed. I am so happy for you. congratulations!!!

FOR 3

For 3 people it is $23,162. Here is the link to the I-864P Poverty Guidelines

http://www.uscis.gov/files/form/i-864p.pdf

Congratulations on your approval!!! It's also nice to hear that there are compassionate COs out there.

I've found the cheapest tickets on www.tripadvisor.com.

Congratulations!!!!!! I was really impressed with how you handled yourself during the interview. You were very well prepared and handled all questions the CO asked you so well. Looks like he was trying to ask you some tough questions, but you proved how well you know your husband and his family. Thank you for the detailed review. Looks like my husband is next in line. I am feeling confident that if you are well prepared and think ahead of the tough questions they will ask, all will be well. Congratulations again.

A Heartfelt Congratulation. Truly what a victory!!! To God be the glory.

Yaaaaay!! Congrats im so happy for u!

Yahoo!!!!! Congratulations LadyDare. May we all follow in your footsteps.

Yes this means that NVC will now schedule ur IV Interview and u will receive ur Interview Letter very soon...

Congrats n Best of Luck...

can u please mention ur IV Category and PD????

Thank you all for your well wishes. I must admit, I was a bit nervous when I read that message. Ya think they could make it a bit plainer for people. Even the CSR didn't know what the message meant when I called NVC to inquire about it.

I am a total newbie, what do you mean by my IV Category and PD?

I've read a number of people writing about Sign In Fail (SIF) and just got that message a few minutes ago. I just want to be sure because there is more to the message than anyone has commented on. It says:

"Sign In Failed

Please be advised that the case that you have attempted to access is not eligible for further processing by the National Visa Center at this time. Please click on the Contact the NVC hyperlink if you believe that you have received this message in error."

Does this mean that my case is completed and will be on its way to the Embassy soon?