itsallgood

You have a great attitude. Alot of women wouldn't be as positive as you are after being so emotionally abused

Thank you sussemadel. Now that I've stepped back far enough away from it, I see how much abuse and deception and hate that he filled our life with. I know that this isn't how God wants anyone to live. I know that there was a reason I went through (and will continue to go through until it's over) all of this. I believe it was to realize that I am very strong and I don't have to put up with being abused and used. I can walk away with my head up and know that I gave it my all but to have a marriage with someone who is so mentally unstable and filled with soooooooooo much hate is absolutely impossible. I am sure that you all realize that what I shared here is only a tidbit of what he has done to our family over the past 5 years.

I know for certain I was used by him to get to the U.S. I didn't want to face that fact and worked very hard to convince mycessself that he loved me and our family. I guess I kept hanging on to the small, very very small, pieces of emotion he did show every once in a great while and that would hold me over enough to keep me in complete denial.

He was approved for his 10 year green card August 13, 2010. Once I can stomach it I will be back here to post all of the red flags that I COMPLETELY ignored from day one. Maybe I can save someone else from this pain and heartache and devestation. I cannot even begin to describe the pain that I'm feeling from finally facing the reality that I was used only to gain access to this country in order to provide his own family, in Morocco, the status of having money and wealth.

Money certainly is the root of all evil. And evil is what I have lived with.

He would have ended up killing me in one way or another. I found out about his last affair (I'm sure that it has continued and there are other women) one day after moving into a new house this past August with him. He didn't have the money to pay the first month's rent so I had to spend nearly my entire paycheck on rent. I had many sleepless nights with my daughter prior which added to the stress. The morning after finding out about his affair, I admitted myself into the hospital because I had never felt such clear, strong feelings of wanting to kill myself. I made sure my family was taken care of and that they would be ok before I went in to the hospital. I just knew I needed help and I knew I had to take these feelings seriously. I was in so much pain. I have known a lot of pain in my life but this time it was different.

My husband came to see me in the hospital and showed me the most emotion that anyone has ever shown me in my entire life. It was very beautiful. But after he left it felt completely empty. I wanted so much to hang onto those words but I knew deep inside I would never see them come to life. The promises he made were empty.

I came home 3 days later. I expressed to him what would help me begin to trust him and gave him a list of things. He ignored it. So within two days of expressing the most heartfelt emotion I had ever seen from anyone, his actions were completely the opposite. He was angry, very angry, when I asked him to talk to me about the affair. One of his responses was how selfish it was of me to have thought about killing myself and he said what if I told you I had slept with her?

I was selfish. He just had an affair (one of how many?) and couldn't help with rent (even though he makes a lot more than I do) and wouldn't help with any monthly expenses for at least the past 4 months, and I was told I was selfish.

Please take into consideration every feeling that has come over with you when you began talking with your husband, the way he argues with you, the way he interacts with his family, everything he says to you and how he makes you feel. Don't kid yourself into thinking it is just cultural. If he doesn't make you feel good when you are around him, whether talking with him or physically being with him, at all times, then please, please, please don't let yourself make excuses for it. I don't want you or anyone to end up in the very place that I am; 5 years later telling your story to the next generation of VJ members who are about to bring over another man like the one I married. This isn't a joke. This is your life and you deserve to be treated with dignity and respect and most of all with love and security.

If you have found someone who makes you feel 100% secure, then I am very very very happy for you and I want you to know that I wish you the very best in your new life together. Enjoy the blessings of marriage and of family.

"I've always felt that he could take me or leave me and he's always made it clear to me that it is easy to find someone else. I question if I've ever been been the only woman in his life anyway. "

You will meet someone with whom you will never feel that way. That will be the person who loves you.

Thank you Golden Gate. When the time is right I know he will show up.

I believe in love and marriage and that I have a lot to offer to that special someone. This one just wasn't the one.

I agree with Staashi. The issue of sending money home should be discussed pre-marriage and should be something that is expected to occur down the road. I think this is the one sore spot Americans have. Odds are good your SO won't even think of discussing this because it's just something that's assumed to occur. The American partner doesn't think of discussing it because it's just something we don't do. We send what we can, when we can. I used to be resentful to this instead thinking "gee wouldn't it be nice to upgrade the car" or "gosh I sure would like to have a newer cell phone" but then I pulled myself back and realized that my MIL and SIL's are struggling daily to provide for themselves and their children. I also know that if we were in need and they were in a position to help they would no matter what. My husband left Morocco and came to the US for me, to have a family and live here. Were he living in Morocco he would be helping to support his mother and sisters.

Back to the OP - sounds like your husband is saving face with his family and at first my husband felt that sending $300 a month was a requirement, it had to happen - that much no matter what. It took time for him to see how life/bills/cost of living worked here. I was patient and we always sent what we could back. He operates on the same principal now. Sending what he can, whether it's $100 or $300 when it's possible. So yes sometimes the attitude does change.

As for cheating - never ever acceptable. My initial thoughts are that he was angry and upset about the money situation and hostility that went on and decided to look elsewhere for the "comforts" of home, whether that is a cup of coffee, conversation, or affection. I don't condone adultery or cheating in any way shape or form, but I would be remiss not to mention this.

I have always tried to be sensitive to the fact that he left behind his life to come here. After spending time there myself, I always come back wondering how hard it must be for him to live here in the states and be away from all of his family, the never-ending offerings of fresh, hot homemade meals and being waited on. He goes from a life of always a house full of family and children, everyone knowing him in the street and going to coffee with friends, etc. to a life of a self-imposed isolation aside from work and the little time he spends with our family. I've tried to provide as much as I could of things familiar from home by learning to cook Moroccan, making him breakfast, being 'obedient' about sending money, trying to keep a clean house, etc. He doesn't see that I've tried to do anything for him or tried to make him feel comfortable here at all. All I get told is that I don't know my responsibilities as a wife. I don't drink, don't smoke, strong in my faith, am a good (enough) mom, tried to do many many things so he would be happy but I could be do everything he asks and I would still be criticized for everything I do. No matter how perfect of a wife I would be, it would never be enough for him. I finally stopped trying. What's the use? Whether or not I do my 'responsibilities as a wife', I still get treated the same way.

I know he was looking for comfort from other women. I am a monster according to him and he can find another woman to treat him better.

I am very loving, affectionate, forgiving, understanding and caring. Anyone who knows me knows that I am these things. After so long of being put down and 'punished', I started losing any desire to please him. You get to a point where you realize that you start feeling worse and worse about yourself when whatever you do is not enough and you just stop trying. The result is the same either way.

I've always felt that he could take me or leave me and he's always made it clear to me that it is easy to find someone else. I question if I've ever been been the only woman in his life anyway.

Sister Itsallgood - I just had a very vulgar thought about all of this, but here it is: Ever thought that maybe money is being sent home as a savings account for him so that if and when he leaves you he has a nice nest egg to go home to?

Exactly my thought!

It has crossed my mind. Everything has crossed my mind. Believe me.

Is there anyone familiar with how much it would cost to have a stent placed after a stroke? In my experience, it is $5,000. How much for heart medication?

Or is anyone familiar with the way the court system works; attorneys, judges, etc. In my experience it is $1,200 for EVERY dealing with the court.

Just curious if anyone would know.

Hello,

This is a very sensitive topic to discuss around all cultures. Many of us who had been raised in a 3rd world country understand what it means to support other family members who are in need.

Growing up, I saw my parents struggle to make ends needs, and when dad finally opened his own clinic he was doing well, and to be honest many of extend family members were living off my dad medical help and his willing to support them although they had enough of asset to make it on their own. My mom was a super mom who helped her nephews and nieces throughout their childhood time.

Yet when the war started in Iraq and we had to leave, my family lost almost everything and when my mom was diagnosed with cancer and called her family for her to pay for medication, we got the deaf ear. Then we finally were able to sell the gold we have to pay for her medication, and after arriving into the US back in 1993 she did not even got the support of her brother here, we all had to start looking for jobs just a week from arriving in USA. I remember I started working after 20 days and my brother started after 10 days.

My mom passed away in 1995, and when my other family members in Iraq, Lebanon and Jordan needed money I used to send and help, taking it away from my mouth and helping them, but my dad was upset because he always remembers when we needed help but no one offered.

Today, I help some family but not a whole lot, because I discovered some people say they need support but they go spend it on luxury items which I could prohibit myself from them. I don’t send the 5K like I used to do, but now I send 200 to 500 Max.

When I met my husband, we talked about helping family only closest ones, nothing like cousins and others outside the close circle. Yet he also understands that we need to pay our 2 homes and also save for the future. Once he starts working we agreed that his paycheck will go to pay off the 2 mortgages and I will still support the house bills, and any other stuff. We agreed we will help family but after we discuss how much we can help them with.

It is part of our love to our parents and family to support them, but also we need to look at our self. We are not putting our family in homeless homes but also we are not promising them mansions to live in.

I have many friends who sent loads of money to their family in Iraq because they felt bad for them not able to work, yet these families were spending left of right close to 1000 dollars a month on stupid things while the folks over here working 2 jobs to help them.. Isn’t this a classic case of being run by so called “love your family!!”

//Batta

I am sorry you had to go through such a heartbreaking experience with family and the situation in Iraq. Even as an American, I can relate to seeing everything being taken away from my family. My father came from poverty and worked hard to save his parents home and farm while building his own farming business. He became very wealthy. He was surrounded by many kids he went to school with who were wealthy as well but only because they were handed down their wealth from generation after generation.

I grew up financially stable until the age of 12 when my father and our family lost everything during the farm crisis of the '80's. We were lucky to find a house to rent for $100/month and to have food given to us to eat. At the age of 14 I began working and I supported myself from that point on. I bought my own clothes, food; everything I needed I provided for myself. My brother and sister, mom and dad all had their own jobs. I feel very very very lucky to have a good work ethic instilled in me from a very young age and to have had the experience of supporting myself from a very young age because I know I will always have the instinct of survival no matter what my situation.

I have never had money given to me unless I worked for it. I know the value of a dollar and what it means to earn it. If I needed extra money, I would work extra to get it. Never did I have anyone to count on to give me money. I would take whatever job I needed-nothing was below me. The thought of asking or counting on someone to give me anything never crossed my mind because I didn't have anyone to ask. I remember being in college and having $3/week to live on. I remember a summer in college where I was waiting for a paycheck and had to go 3 days without eating. There were many times I was without money and I would have to wait and work before I got more. I paid for my own college. Whatever I have now is from hard work. None of it was handed to me.

It has been very very very hard for me to understand the mentality of money being easy to get and to give. I believe in paying tithing and helping those in need. I feel that it is not just important but necessary as a human being here on earth.

I have been told over and over that money isn't expected in Morocco and that Moroccans understand that money isn't growing on trees here but I just don't get the feeling that that is really the case. Everything, and I mean everything, revolves around money when it comes to Morocco in my experience. If people aren't getting it by working, they are getting it from overseas or by bribing or swindeling it out of another Moroccan. I know family is very very important in Morocco but money has to be almost as important if not as important; maybe even more so. It is a different culture. I know money is important here in America too but in Morocco, there is definitely a feel of desperation, of deserving to live a certain lifestyle and to show everyone around you that you are wealthy. Again, the same can be said about the U.S. but in Morocco it is almost a primal hunger; very embedded and feared there will never be enough.

I can only imagine that in a 3rd world country that this desperation comes from a very real and truly humbling place. I do feel that that feeling though very real at one time (and quite real for some now), has carried over into following generations where the desperation has gone from life and death to expecting and deserving money to live a life style that serves to impress others instead of fulfilling a real need. I will be slaughtered for sharing these thoughts, but this is from my experience and what I've felt and seen.

It's always at the discretion of what someone wants to do, if you can afford it then do it,

but not at the expense of depriving your own immediate family.

You are very lucky as well.

Jeanne EXACTLY. You do have to wonder how these people made it before their relatives come into the cash cow known as America. My parents are by NO MEANS well off. They are 70 and 67 and both still do odd jobs after retirement to be able to afford extras. I can't help but think some of these families are taking advantage of the situation. But, if you are willing to enable those type of behaviors then I guess you can't really complain about it either. I certainly WOULD help my in-laws if something came up as an EMERGENCY. But there is no way I would support my household AND my in-laws just because I had the means to do so. In my opinion that would be taking away money and resources that are meant to take care of my OWN family's needs.

There are always emergencies. I am fully aware that emergencies come up. I've had my fair share. However, every other phone call is an emergency it seems. The emergencies aren't just for a $100 or so, they are for $1,000's. I can't think of anytime that I've had to immediately come up with (as in that minute) a large amount of money and actually been able to do it for myself. I am expected to have it immediately whenever I am asked though. There are very few people that I've known in my lifetime that are able to come up with those amounts of money at any given moment. Yet I am supposed to be willing and able at any time. If not, I am punished in one way or another.

I find it even more surprising that his brother-in-laws have thousands in savings and they live in Morocco and always have. They don't have family outside of Morocco sending it to them that I am aware of so for the life of me I cannot understand how they are able to have that amount in savings when they make average to a mere above average salary ($250 - $400/month). I make a decent living and I don't have near the amount they do in a savings account. Not even close.

It makes me wonder how they got it and it really makes me wonder how the family survived before their son came here.

muslim men are required to provide for their wives and children before anyone else sees a dime though. regardless of any other family members' situation, where they live, etc. yr wife and children come first. if yr wife makes more money than you do in the us, but is still struggling to pay household bills, but yr sending money overseas that's needed in yr own household, that's disgraceful and dishonorable. i can't fathom men doing that because it's so appalling and wrong.

That is my understanding and my feelings as well. I don't know how a muslim man can feel good about himself when his own wife and family aren't able to eat all the while sending money to his parents. It really tells me that I am not really considered a wife by him and we are not considered part of his family. It is very clear how he feels about us. I didn't want to face that reality and kept thinking it was something cultural but my understanding of Islam and what is expected of a muslim man are quite different than what my husband has shown me.

Jeanne, I would never expect anyone to send more than what they can afford to send. If you don't have it, you don't have it. Wael's parents seem to be well off - good for you guys. But, I can tell you this, your case is not the norm.

'If you don't have it, you don't have it' is not a good enough excuse. It is assumed I am lying and that I am just wanting to pizz him off and to let his family suffer because I am greedy. Whether I have it or not is not the issue, the issue is his family needs it and I must accomidate them at all costs. It is my responsibility to call the creditors, the landlord, etc. to let them know they aren't going to get their money on time. It is my responsibility to deal with the outcome of not paying the bills; as long as his family is taken care of. If I don't, then I will be punished with an affair or with silence.

I did not realize this going into the marriage. If I knew this, I would not have married him. I learned at a very very young age what it means if you don't pay your bills. I watched my family lose EVERYTHING because of it. I learned that if you don't have money, you don't eat. Period. I can't even wrap my head around MAKING someone or FORCING someone to do anything if they didn't want to. Who am I to make anyone do anything? I don't automatically assume they won't do something because they are being greedy or plain unwilling. I believe they have their reasons and if they could, they would help. I sure as h@ll don't even have one thought in my head of punishing someone because they told me no.

Q: Are there any wives who have successfully changed their husband's behavior in this respect?

A: I don't think so -- no matter how they tries. Trying to change your husband behavior is controlling -- since your husband remembers his parents here he is a good man, Simply sit down and show him the reality of your financial situation, talk to him about a plan that will fit your budget and have a fixed amount of money to send home . to avoid any surprises budgets wise

You know as a Moroccan, and I know all Moroccan are the same they will not let you down once they feel secured, putting your husband down will result a situation you will not like down the road. We know our responsibilities for the wives under god's will, and also we know our responsibility toward our parents and family –

Simply : No game No Pain

I have learned that it is ok for your husband to change you and make you do something when you say no (saying no because you don't have $ to send or you can't afford it, etc.), but 'changing' your husband to realize that you wish to be respected when you say no - not because you 'hate' his family or are being mean or 'cocky' but because it is every right of every human being to know what is ok or what is not ok for them. Disagreeing with my husband = him cheating and me getting 'punished' by the silent treatment for days or weeks at a time; my husband disagreeing with me = him cheating and me getting 'punished' by the silent treatment for days or weeks at a time. This to me is being controlling when one is not allowed to have a different opinion without revengeful punishment. Disagreeing with my husband means I am 'putting him down' and as stated above "will result in a situation you will not like down the road". That result is the wife will be cheated on and be punished with silence.

I can't remember anymore how many times we have "Simply sit down and show him the reality of your financial situation, talk to him about a plan that will fit your budget and have a fixed amount of money to send home . to avoid any surprises budgets wise". I can't remember anymore how many times I was surprised by money being sent home when we didn't have money for food, rent, or to make a car payment. So many surprises that left me not able to buy birthday gifts or Christmas gifts. I don't ever want to see the look on my kids' face again when I have to say I will have to wait to get your gifts.

Well if he is not willing to put some effort into reparing this relationship then I think you know the answer. It takes two to make a marriage, or any relationship, and the problems therein. Hell, maybe the therapist will say it is all your fault. lol

LOL My husband, the therapist; if anyone needs someone to blame; I'm here!!

My perception of your posts is that you are embarrassed of letting your family, or people close to you in Morocco, know that you can not afford, at this time, to send the amount you are sending. Do you not think if you got yourself financially stable in the U.S., meaning taking care of your family in the U.S. and then sending your family in Morocco what you can without going into debt, that soon you will be able to send them the amount you think is appropriate for a comfortable life?

There is a lot of pride in showing family and friends that you are wealthy I have learned; at least in this particular case. Going into debt, ruining credit, etc. is better than just coming out and saying that you will have to wait or that you don't have it now. I believe that pride is one of the 7 deadly sins. Pride comes just before a fall, etc. I try very hard to not let pride make my decisions because they never turn out to be good ones if I do. Pride in this case is more important than saving yourself and your immediate family.

We have had this conversation many times: pay the bills here, help with debt here, set a certain amount of money that you will send each month to your family, etc. It is agreed upon, but never followed through on.

for those who are having issues over money sent to family overseas, was it something discussed prior to getting married, and then re-neged on, or did it not come up until later? if the latter, why the he!! wasn't it part of yr marriage arrangements/contract?

It was discussed prior to getting married and then reneged on. I had so many promises of helping me get out of debt before he got here. When he did get here, I was criticized for how I managed money. There seems to be this concept of since I work period, I should be able to have enough money to live very well, have no debt, buy whatever I want when I want, and have enough for him to spend however he wants and send money home to his family. If only life were that easy.

We do not have a problem with the sending money to his family. We agree on sending money to his mother since his father has passed away during times for her birthday and when she needs money for medicine. He does know that he has to take care of his life here.

You are very lucky. That sounds like a very peaceful way to live.

I am just thankful that my in-laws are well off and don't expect us to support them. I personally would resent supporting ANYONE on a monthly basis outside my immediate household.

What I resent is trying to support someone else when we can't support ourselves. I read and researched what I would be getting myself into when I married my husband and knew that he would send money home. I made it clear to him that I have no problem with him sending money home. His brother send $200/month home and I was fine with sending that much AFTER we could eat and live. I'm not greedy, no matter what my husband will say or thinks of me (please see below). All I want is to know that there is enough money for the basic needs of life for myself and my family and for any surprises that come up as they always do in life. I don't like living in a way I have to search for all the loose change in the car and house and pockets so that I can buy food to eat. When we bring home ~10K/month after taxes and have ~3K in monthly expenses. Why should I be looking for change for food???!!

I will say that for as religious a country as we are, we truly do fail on the whole concept of "honor thy mother and thy father". Just sayin'.

What is difficult is bringing two cultures together where there are completely opposite views on the responsibilities of children. In MENA countries it is expected that the children support the parents when the children live on their own. In the U.S., once the children live on their own (sometimes before) they are responsible for themselves and it is up to them to save money for their future. There is no relying on children or anyone else to do it for you. If parents in the U.S. have planned well, they have enough of their own money to live on and don't need to rely on their children for basic needs.

I whole heartedly agree that the U.S. fails in many ways with the concept of "honor they mother and thy father". We have built a society where it is every man for themselves and we created a world where it is nearly impossible to live in the U.S. without a two-income household. We end up paying a lot of money for other people to take care of our kids and our elderly family members have to use whatever they have left to pay for a nursing home to live in until they pass away. I don't think this is how we are supposed to live and our youth reflects it.

Wow am I glad I am married to my man. We argue like any other couple but WOW. If you two really love each other and want this to work out you need to seek couseling otherwise move on.

That would work in a 'normal' relationship. As you can see, this is far from normal!

He doesn't have a problem. I am to blame for him cheating, for never having any money, for him not being happy, for the U.S. not being a good experience for him, for being hungry and on and on and on.

These are all my problems. Why should he waste his time and energy on talking to someone when I'm the one with all of the problems?

You know what he is done... half of the bills??? I pay over 70% of all the bills and if people will go back and read, you have mentioned that all the bills on my name. You so kind paying my bills...

Have a happy life with your ladies????????????

and you don't cheat, either, right? I thought you did well in math too. I should have added honesty to my list.

Ooohhhhh.

Itsallgood...I suggest you begin the journey to the "Big D" and I sure as hell don't mean Dallas!

...so you must mean Denver, right???

That's what the perfect people will say to prouve their perfection... Whatever he will say will not make any sense to any of the reader here, because they don't know how you were and how you become after you known him.

Your problem is his family and you want it all, that will never happen...

I'm just a greedy/always-asking-for-too-much kind of woman. How dare I want a non-cheating husband, a husband who helps with half the bills and house-work (since we both work) AND a man who respects and loves her? I just want it all, don't I ladies?

However... I will not write your past here

You are so perfect.

It would be interesting for me and everyone here to know what you have to say about my past so I give you permission (in case you were waiting for it).

Itsallgood...you said he's highly intelligent?? He might be in his field of work, but his grammar, and the way he takes simple things out of context, is showing another side. I feel for ya...

It is amazing how it only shows up in his field. To talk about feelings, why cheating hurts, marriage, why he should help pay for bills and debt, etc. is like talking to a brick wall. Now you get a glimpse as to what I had to experience on a daily basis. I think I tried to explain it away to myself as a cultural thing. There's something much deeper I'm afraid.

just FYI: I'm the jack$#$#$ this thread is about. My point of posting do not pre-judge based on what you were told.

Well ladies, here he is as 'AichaKandisha'.

Are you the pink elephant?...66

????

He's all yours ladies...

Thats BS. It was easier to blame some poor Moroccan girl for him killing himself than anyone apparently in that family to take responsibility. Just like its your fault he cheated. What was he thinking? It was easy sex and I doubt either one knew he was married. If she knew about you, she would have texted him back

I would love to know what kind of a job does he have. Whats your real screen name anyway. Its all good is not the one you used to post under.. Who are you? If I knew a little back story , this would make some sense

And stop buying into his #######. He doesnt love you because he wont help with bills or anything. Part of showing love in that culture is buying things and in their words.. HELPING THE HOUSE.

My other screen name was miles08. I couldn't remember the login or password and I wasn't getting anywhere with retrieving it so I made another account; itsallgood.

The reason for posting this topic was to get people's ideas and thoughts on Moroccan/MENA culture regarding money and cheating. I am divorcing him as soon as I can save up for the retainer fee for my attorney. I've been through a divorce before and know that I don't want to go through another one without a good attorney so it will take me a few weeks to get the retainer fee. I have stopped buying his ####### and I am very well aware that he doesn't love me in the way a human being deserved to be loved. Not even an animal deserved to feel what I've felt.

He is a web developer - extraordinarily talented. I've never seen anyone with the kind of talent that he has. I've been around many talented and intelligent people with the people I work with but he is on a whole other level than I've ever seen. I will have to give him that. We both make a decent living; into 3 figures. It just amazes me how intelligent he is but so NOT intelligent when it comes to money. He gets overdrafts in the mail nearly everyday. I am so happy that I always kept my own account. How does one make that amount of money and yet is always overdrawn???

BTW when I did text her, she did text him back.

Oh and by the way, I would find out from the nurses whether he spent those 3 days in the hotel with either one of them. I would also if he is still in the house, install spector pro on your computer and just shut your mouth. Watch what he does online and who he is contact with to help your shattered mind wrap around the fact that he doesnt give a ####### about you and just used you for a greencard. Stop taking this ####### personally. This isnt about Moroccans. But this is not that far fetched of a scenario.. And the reason he hooked up with nurses is he got booty with a well paid woman that he didnt have to dish out money for or works with for that matter... Just start accepting whats going on and realise it has nothing to do with you

I have realized that I don't know the real story and will never know the real story of what happened with these women. All I know is what the first woman told me and what he told me. Their stories matched at that time. I have no idea if either of them told the truth and I really don't care anymore. I know that these are two times in 3 1/2 years that he did cheat on me, but how many are there that I don't know about? I don't care what he does online. It doesn't matter anymore. There was a time I would be worried sick about what he was doing on the computer or checking his phone, etc. but after a while I had to stop and ask myself what the h@ll I was doing. Is this how I wanted to live the rest of my life? Is this the kind of man that I want as a husband? I was making myself sick over trying to control what was out of my control and now have learned that I am much happier accepting that none of it matters anymore.

Please understand I have accepted what is going on and I do realize it has nothing to do with me other than the fact that I choose crappy men an I've put up with him until now.

that wasn't my point at all. my point was that everywhere, from morocco to the us, you will find people with varying opinions about what they would do in that situation, or what they think others in that situation should do. i wasn't saying to do one thing or another, just emphasizing that there's a wide range of opinion on the matter. that's all.

Sorry I missed your point! I agree.

This may sound cliche...but some of my very best friends are Moroccan and I can honestly say, you may very well find a good moroccan friend ( stateside of course that doesnt need to be brought here) and they will be compassionate and understanding. Why dont you make some Moroccan friends that dont need papers or some other thing and talk to them about this? Especially since you are getting divorced...you dont have to suffer in silence and think all Moroccans are like this. My daughter is arab and if there is anyone that has had a ####### experience with arabs its me.. I actually have sought out and found some friends from North Africa that absolutely nothing to do with my daughter or someone I have been involved with that just loved me for me. I have about 2 moroccan close girlfriends and 4 algerian female friends that I chat with all the time and believe you me, they struggle with stuff men have done to them, especially my moroccan girl friends. I have one who s moroccan guy made her have an abortion 12 weeks into the pregnancy and shes moroccan and then he went and married a dr from back home, then wanted to cheat with my moroccan girlfriend again. She went through the ringer.. I think the only difference between our cultures really is all the hypocrisy that deals with marriage choice... aka virginity, marriage for money and convenience and of course papers. Thats what American men have has a different load. Maybe they will hit you, maybe they will cheat, take your money.. But no American will plot to marry you to get papers and if you have ever really lived a lie, it super duper sucks donkey you know what..

By the way, hooray for greencard fraud...my daughter is on the planet because her dad snookered an American in the 90s to get here...screwed and tattooed her and just dumped her..Now he has an American daughter and is eating a little bit of what he dished out.

Dont blame all Moroccans,there are some really fantastic moroccans and north africans that would give you their shirt...you just have to realise what trash you are dealing with and let it go..

Dont worry so much.. just tell him you are going out to the arabic restaurant and make some friends who give a ####### about you because he obviously doesnt

I don't blame Moroccans or arabs or anyone for that matter. I don't see myself getting involved with another one any time soon or with anyone at this point. I work with people from all over the world and know for sure that there is good and bad no matter where you live.

As for green card fraud; his company offered to sponsor him with a work visa when our AOS took forever to be approved and we didn't think that it would ever be. With me or without me he would have been able to be in the U.S.

I would think forgivness and counseling could be possible with someone who was truly sorry and completely stopped all forms of cheating. But if not, then move on without him.

I cant stand guys that take up for other men who cheat. Its different to offer advice for forgiveness and counceling but to suggest she work things out with a man that is a continual cheat? Nonsense!

I couldn't agree more. He isn't truly sorry and he never will be. He says he is but actions speak louder than words. A continual cheat he is in every sense of the word.

Wow.... I am so sorry to hear of what you have gone through..... There are bad men an women in evry culture.... Before I met my Moroccan hubby I dated a Tunisian for 8 years.... He dumped me for a 19 year old and her trust fund :0( 3 weeks (after he married her) later he was calling me telling me how miseable he was and that he made a mistake.... Before that he had cheated on me with her bestfriend and who knows who before her....People cheat for different reason but whatever the reason it's wrong..... As a muslim he should always take care of his wifes needs first... It is his obligation.... 9 months in and he had an affair I would have sent him packing.... Back to Morocco.... Personally this would have made me question his reasons for marrying me...... When my hubby gets here I expect him to help out ( and he is aware of my expectations)..... I don't mind helping his family because they are my family too, however our household needs have to be met first......

I can't tell you what you should do but me personally would walk away.... There are too many things going around to play this game with him..... Not to mention all the crazies in the world.....

IDK if you are muslim.... But I am and Islam says I am to be treated like a gift from God..... I will accept nothing less and neither should you....

I'm sorry you went through something similar. Nothing hurts as bad as betrayal in any sense of the word. I did leave him the first time. Fortunately and unfortunately, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and believe in the good of people. I know that sounds crazy but that's who I am. We went to marriage counseling and it worked very well. We were closer than we had ever been during that time. Then he went to Morocco for about 6 weeks and we stopped going to the counselor. The money issues continued though. Again, I want to stress that I talked to him over and over during the entire time before we married about my expectations. He agreed to all my conditions. He was wonderful in the beginning. I couldn't have imagined a better husband.

I guess the newness wore off and he settled back into what was familiar to him; being taken care of and waited on hand and foot. I didn't fall for it because I worked just as much as he did. I wanted equal responsibility for everything. I don't think that is too much to ask when we both work. The way he grew up is ingrained in his mind and he only felt like a husband if I did everything for him.

I'll just say that even though they agree before they get here, it is in no way a guarantee that is how things will be when they do get here.

Also, my sister always had bad relationships and was cheated on over and over by every guy. I just couldn't imagine any partner of mine doing such a thing. I dated a guy for 7 years; from the time I was 15 to 22, who would never even dream of cheating. My ex husband and I were together for 8 years before he cheated.

I was with everyone of you out there that say they would throw the guy to the curb in a heartbeat if they found out their partner was cheating. I KNEW I wouldn't put up with it. Then when it did happen to me, it was much easier to understand my sister. It is different when it actually happens to you. If there is anything I've learned in this life, it is to not say what I would do in any situation unless I have gone through it myself.

Dear friend and neighbor,

there is no culture or religion on this earth that encourages cheating,it`s all about morals.am sorry this happens to you,helping his family is a duty,just like helping you is a duty too. most immigrants are coming from poor families and they need to support their families,it`s an act of worship for them, especialy when it comes to their parents.but as i said it`s his duty too to support you and help you.He doesnt seems a bad boy as he confessed to you what he did,i hope you`ll be able to work it out.i wish you the best.

I do appreciate a mans' perspective. Thank you for replying. I appreciate all of you ladies replying just as much - don't get me wrong! Thank you all for replying.

His family is not poor by any means. They live much better than the majority of Moroccans I saw in the 5 times I've been to Morocco. He has 6 sisters who are all married; most of which have very financially stable husbands. He has a brother in France who does very well for himself as well.

I understand the duty of a muslim man to his family. I understand that if he didn't send money to his family, he wouldn't be a good man at all. Again I want to stress that I have no problem with him sending his money to Morocco AFTER our bills are paid. I am only asking him for half of the bills and that for him is pocket change with the amount of money he makes. So why can't he help??? Why is it always such an issue? I feel completely betrayed - even when it's about money - that I am left to take care of most of the bills and debt that he promised to help me with.

I don't know what kind of morals he has when he doesn't feel remorseful about cheating and he can't help his wife with expenses. What woman would feel secure with a husband like that? I certainly don't.

Sorry but he is bad if he cheated not only once but TWICE! Imagine how you'd feel if your fiancee/wife cheated 2 times then someone told you she wasnt a bad girl...

I don't even want to think about what he would have done if I cheated just ONCE on him. He would have left me in a heartbeat. He would never forgive me the way I have forgiven him.

Cripes. Maybe it is a culturally acceptable thing in a round about way?? This is how many MENA men now that have suggested that infidelity is a forgivable offense?

About the money thing, if I would've known for myself going into my marriage that I'd be responsible for sisters who can't keep a husband or other family members I'd have definitely thought twice myself. Helping out family in need is all good but being completely responsible for able bodied, grown adults is another thing. ugh.

I know. I don't get why it is expected of me to forgive and forget. I still question if it is in some way culturally acceptable. I know full well that american men cheat all the time on their wives. But I still feel that it is more culturally acceptable here to be furious and to expect the woman to leave (or man - I know women cheat just like men do) than it is there. I guess women there would be SOL if they left their husbands. It is very unlikely that they would marry again; especially if they are in their 30's or older. I think it is tolerated more there because of that fact.

it's indicative of no such thing. it's a random assortment of a couple guys from mena on a single website. i could do a google search of american marriage counselors, advice columnists, etc. and find tons who would suggest counseling, forgiveness, in order to move past such indiscretions. i wouldn't then say "americans believe infidelity is a forgivable offense". there's more to it than that. some people find it forgivable, others don't, regardless of where they are from.

I get what you are saying. We were able to move on from the first affair through marriage counseling (but you've got to find a really good counselor to be successful). He refuses to go to counseling so adding that fact to the fact that he isn't remorseful about cheating and he doesn't find me worth helping with money, I realize that he isn't all that interested in continuing this marriage or respectful of me in any way.

I know this sounds like a very weird question. Where were the girls that he was cheating with from? Were they Americans or from somewhere else...

This is actually very pertinent..

I think you would have to ask a Moroccan woman who was NOT giving someone a greencard about how she would feel about her husband cheating on her.

Both women were american. I didn't know either one. Both were nurses too (I just found that interesting). Get this, the first woman had FIVE children all under the age of 13. What was he thinking?! The last one knew he was married. She wouldn't stop trying to contact him so I got fed up and sent her a text saying that selfish men were bad enough but the women that help them cheat make me just as sick. She stopped contacting him after that. Cheating is so wrong to me and the thought of myself doing it is completely foreign to me. Knowing that there are women out there all over out there that will cheat knowingly with a married man is even more foreign to me.

Ok I thought about this

ok

Step one

When he comes home

Have all the candles lit

Have very loud gnawa music playing

Ok roll your eyes back in your head...some creepy skeletons from CVS will help too

Tell him you are casting a spell on him for cheating and you are calling all the djinns.. Oh and run some water in the kitchen while you are doing all of this..

I wish I was there to help you plan this....hahahhahahaahahhha...You need a good Moroccan djinn party for that jackass you are married to....

Where is Aicha Kandisha when we need her?

His cousin was supposedly under his wife's spell with witchcraft. He ended up commiting suicide. Revenge is fun to imagine but in the end, no one feels good about it, including yourself.

Good for you! It doesn't sound like your husband has taken full responsibility for cheating, and instead he is trying to make you feel responsible for it by blaming it on you. This is your biggest clue that he will not change. And no, I dont think this is strictly a Moroccan thing. I know many people from different cultures and women too who cheat, and people like them are a dime-a-dozen. Stay strong, and keep moving forward.

He hasn't taken full responsibility for cheating. He has a hard time with responsibility period. He would definitely need to stop blaming me for his choices in order to have a chance of not repeating the same behavior. He is clueless as to why I just can't let go of the past and forget about the cheating. I know it's not a matter of if it will happen again, but when. NOT a fun way to live!

I know first hand that cheaters cross all cultures/religions/countries, etc. My first husband (an American) cheated on me. I thought I worked so hard to not attract that kind of man again but here I am again. I've started immersing myself in therapy/research to get to the bottom of what I need to learn.

Not a cultural thing. It's a worthless man thing. They come from all cultures.

Yea, a good man would feel too bad about himself to even begin to do such a thing. I happened to marry two of the bad ones.

My ex cheated on me when I was 4 months pregnant and disappeared for the remainder of my pregnancy. Then he wanted to come back about a year later. I realized the dynamics were just wrong between us. It wouldn't ever work and that's the reason things happened the way they did. The good thing that came out of it is that I have been able to find someone else and really know what it means to love someone and be loved. I am sure you will find that too.

That had to have been very hard. My first husband cheated on me when our daughter was 6 months old. My current husband cheated on me the first time when I was 8 weeks pregnant. He even knew I was pregnant. He called his family and was sooooo excited all while he was seeing this other woman. I lost the baby at 11 weeks. I can't help but think his affair contributed to losing the baby.

The dynamics certainly are wrong between us but I strongly believe that he will continue cheating and having money troubles when he moves on to the next woman (whose to say he doesn't already have one now?!).

He believes that this marriage hasn't brought him the kind of life that he wants and believes that ending the marriage will increase his chances of being happy. I told him then by all means, be happy and don't let me stand in your way!

I believe that we choose to be happy no matter the circumstances (within reason). Blaming your unhappiness on someone else or your choices on someone else IS unhappiness. Wouldn't it be easy to always have someone or something to blame all of your problems on?! That never worked for me.

A little tough love . You are married to a serial cheater who uses your less than perfect behavior as an excuse for his horrid behavior. You welcome him back after each incident which reinforces his habit. He is a user and you are a co dependent. You both need to get some serious help or the pattern will go on and on. You need to stop allowing him to be a non contributor to your joint family. Make him responsible for the bills that matter most to him. Then be hard about those being his to pay. Things like his cell phone , if it gets turned off let it go, his car , let if go. If he chooses to have other woman let him go, you deserve more than a man that has no more control his actions than an un-neutered dog.

I am breaking the pattern and leaving him. I can't get much clearer than that that I won't go on with his behavior. I have put all the bills in his name that I can; electricity/gas, water, all of our cell phones, cable/internet, his car is in his name. The only bills that I pay that aren't in his name alone is the rent and the health insurance and the car insurance. Even with bills in his name, he will let the phones get turned off, the internet/cable also and wait until he absolutely has to (after receiving final notices before being shut off) to pay the rest!

Not how I want to live any longer. I don't know why anyone would want to live that way period.

His excuse (because of your reaction for sending money home) is lame. I am unaware of any infidelity commited by my husband but if that's a good reason for cheating my husband would be the cheatingest baztard around. I'm not pleasant when it comes to that subject. Anyways, I know there's a certain double standard with many MENA men that it's "ok" for men to do something that may be considered wrong but it's not ok for women. I don't think that cheating is considered a good thing in MENA culture but it happens just like it happens in our culture. I don't think this is necessarily a MENA issue. I'm sorry that this has happened to you though. It's a sucky thing to deal with I'm sure.

LOL! I wasn't pleasant about money or cheating!

sorry to hear this.......

Thank you.

If my husband thought that it wasn't so bad for a man to cheat, he sure as heck wouldn't admit it to me. He knows how I feel about double standards.

The money issue can often be a sore subject. I know in many faimilies there's an enormous amount of pressure to provide financial support back home. I think they view the family unit as larger than we do in our culture. To me, immediate family, i.e. me, hubby and son, comes first. If there's something left over then I'm happy to help out the rest of the family. That's not how they think.

Of course, that doesn't excuse his cheating whatsoever.

So sorry it didn't work out for you.

I've talked ad nauseum (sp?) to him about the fact that sending money home doesn't bother me IF we are able to pay our monthly bills. I agree that we are his immediate family now and once we are taken care of, then he can send whatever is left of his money to his family if he wants.

If I cheated everytime he pizzed me off, I'd have filled a stadium with men. There is no excuse for cheating.

If I had known what I know now, I would not have married my husband. I have known him for 5 years and we've been married 3 1/2 years. He had an affair 9 months into our marriage for two weeks (they talked and kissed-no sex-I actually talked to the woman) and another one this past June for 6 weeks (he says no sex). Both affairs arose (according to him) because of my reaction to him sending money home.

The first time he sent $100 to his brother. That isn't a huge amount of money but at the time, I was working 2 jobs in order to pay our bills-we were behind on rent and the car payment. I was soooooooooo angry and he got angry right back saying I hate his family. I called my mom and cried to her. He said that I should not have told her and it should be between the two of us. So, taking his own advice (joking) he sought out another woman to talk to.

This past June, he sought out another woman after an argument about money again. He sent $700 home. He wasn't helping with any of the monthly bills (part of his defense of not paying bills was he didn't like the place we were staying in ) . I got very angry again and told him that I was done with our marriage. He asked if he could stay that night and I told him that since he didn't like this place and it wasn't worth it to him to pay for it then why would he want to stay? He left. He didn't talk to me for about 3 days. He continued to stay in a hotel (paying $50/night + food - I saw the hotel bills). He was willing to pay a lot more money to stay in a hotel than to help me pay the monthly bills. He has done very well for himself financially since he's been in the U.S., but still can't help. He has helped for months at a time but if his family needs money, then it is up to me to pay all the bills.

It was during that time that he found another woman. The day after we moved into a house that he wanted to live in and we made a financial agreement, he told me about her.

As soon as I found out about both women, he stopped seeing and calling them.

As strange as it sounds, I know he loves me but I will be the first to agree that love doesn't equal cheating. I believe he loves me the best way he can. It's not the kind of love that I deserve though. I've met with an attorney and know what I need to do.

I just want others to realize what can happen, or at least what happened to me.

I know two of his sisters are being cheated on my their husbands. My feeling from him is that his cheating wasn't that big of a deal.

I'd love to hear any thoughts by other members who are familiar with the Moroccan culture and MENA culture in general and how cheating is viewed. I know what Islam says about cheating, however, my experience has been that Islam and the culture in general don't always coincide.

I'm very sorry that you're still having troubles after so long. I understand about the sexual side effects of some antidepressants. Wellbutrin does not have such side effects so maybe you could give him information regarding this and perhaps he could try it? Is he eating and sleeping ok?

He has lost 20 lbs and he was already too skinny. He now looks almost anorexic. With Ramadan, he's lost even more weight. On a good night he gets about 4-5 hours of sleep. When he was taking the antidepressant he was gaining weight and sleeping better. I just told him a few days ago that I was seriously worried about him and how much weight he has lost. A day or so later he said he does need to do something and said he may go back to the Dr. to try some medicine again. He has said it before but didn't do it. I'm hoping this time he does. He smokes too which doesn't help at all. With his new job, he's now up to a pack a day which is way more than he used to smoke. I've encouraged him to quit smoking too by telling him I want him around for a long time. He always says he's going to quit; especially during Ramadan, but it never happens.

Oh, and he is giving me the silent treatment since last night (speaking of).

My husband and I have been married for 3 1/2 years. We are still adjusting.

I can relate to the not saying sorry. After about 2 years of asking him why he can't say he is sorry, he admitted that maybe it's his culture because they don't say sorry there. He said he will have to get used to saying it. It is frustrating. I don't know if his family just doesn't say sorry or if it really is a Moroccan thing.

My husband also does the silent treatment. It drives me crazy. I always have to be the one to come to him to get him to talk. I tried the silent treatment with him too but that was useless. It was nearly a week of silence and I finally gave in. So for me, it doesn't work to do it back to him.

He doesn't want to make friends or go to the mosque. He didn't go to the mosque in Morocco so I get that he wouldn't do it here. I just don't understand why he doesn't want to make friends. I've encouraged him and have even met other Moroccans and they want to meet him but he just refuses. It really bothers me. He was always going out with his friends in Morocco and was well known in his town. We always went for coffee and he always ran into people he knew and was well liked. I can't imagine how lonely it must feel for him here after almost 4 years of the complete opposite; knowing no one. A friend of mine has students that are from Ghana and other places and they all play soccer together and there are many leagues for soccer he could get involved in but he refuses. We've gone to watch soccer and it was amazing to see his whole personality change before my eyes. He was happy and telling me what player should be doing what and just relaxed and enjoying the whole thing. I know he would be happy to play because he used to play all the time in Morocco. He just won't do it.

I know he is depressed. He didn't want anything to do with talking about it. He said he wasn't depressed. I did make a Dr. appt. for him to get a physical and low and behold the Dr. told him he was depressed. I wasn't even there so I didn't mention it to the Dr. He listened to her and did start taking medication but because of the side effects (how should I put it...he wasn't able to be 'intimate') he stopped taking them and refused to try others that may not have that side effect. It did help with his mood when he was taking them.

It was hard for the first 6 months he was here because he had to wait to work. No one would hire him. His first job was at McDonalds. Then I told him to apply at a company for data entry. They recognized his computer knowledge and he started to work in web development. He excelled with that company and he started making more money than me after a few short months. I have a 4 year degree and he has a 2 year degree from Morocco! He now works for another company and does very well. But he is still depressed!

I know he would feel better if he had friends and played soccer but he just won't do it. It's hard to watch him be miserable. He says he knows in Morocco he was always going out with his friends but he says he is just happy to be at home with us. That's nice to hear but I don't buy it. His personality is different here than it was in Morocco. I spent 3 months with him there and it's just not the same.

Today we received the green card in the mail (aka miles08).

Congrats to all of the approvals! for MsAM

Come on CSC! It's time to catch up with VSC.

California Service Center (19 applicants, 2 approved = 10.5%)

VJName..............Date of I-751.....NOA1 Date......Biometrics......Approved....

FERAINA.............04/30/10..........05/05/10.......07/21/10........--/--/10....

MILES08.............05/01/10..........05/03/10.......06/11/10........08/13/10.... Early Bio 5/25,GC r'cved 8/27

YOUTOO..............05/06/10..........05/10/10.......08/02/10........--/--/10.... Early Bio 7/12

MARI&RYAN...........05/09/10..........05/12/10.......08/10/10........--/--/10....

MOIMOI..............05/09/10..........05/13/10.......08/20/10........--/--/10....

JYNXNDRAGNFLY.......05/10/10..........05/11/10.......06/18/10........07/16/10....

JUZERO2.............05/10/10..........05/12/10.......08/04/10........--/--/10....

PAD270408...........05/12/10..........05/14/10.......08/12/10........--/--/10....

MSU17...............05/14/10..........05/17/10.......--/--/10........--/--/10....

JM&MCS..............05/15/10..........05/17/10.......08/26/10........--/--/10....

MRSSKULL............05/15/10..........05/18/10.......08/31/10........--/--/10.... Bio Rescheduled

JUSTMENOW...........05/18/10..........05/20/10.......09/07/10........--/--/10....

REIJO N' EDLET......05/19/10..........05/27/10.......08/11/10........--/--/10....

TUCSON_CHICK........05/20/10..........05/26/10.......08/24/10........--/--/10....

JOURNEYMAN..........05/21/10..........05/24/10.......08/13/10........--/--/10....

MIMHNHUT............05/23/10..........05/28/10.......09/08/10........--/--/10....

BRADCHERRIES........05/25/10..........06/01/10.......--/--/10........--/--/10....

TIJUANAHILTON.......05/26/10..........06/26/10.......08/18/10........--/--/10....

TYLERRR.............05/26/10..........05/28/10.......08/19/10........--/--/10....

ROZA................05/22/10..........05/30/10.......08/20/10........--/--/10....

Vermont Service Center (33 applicants, 17 approved = 51%)

VJName..............Date of I-751.....NOA1 Date......Biometrics......Approved....

AMBER824............05/03/10..........05/05/10.......06/08/10........07/26/10.... GC received 8/05

*JULEZ*.............05/03/10..........05/06/10.......06/07/10........08/26/10....

K&W.................05/03/10..........05/06/10.......05/28/10........--/--/10.... RFE received 7/22

SAZU................05/03/10..........05/10/10.......06/03/10........07/22/10....

MALABOROCKS.........05/04/10..........05/06/10.......--/--/10........--/--/10....

RAMOS96.............05/04/10..........--/--/10.......07/28/10........07/26/10.... Bio done after approval date

MGSGIRL.............05/05/10..........05/10/10.......06/18/10........07/28/10.... GC received 8/06

VIVIANDJIMJIM.......05/06/10..........05/10/10.......06/07/10........07/26/10.... GC received 8/06

CHRIS&ED............05/06/10..........05/11/10.......07/02/10........07/30/10.... GC received 8/12

CHIPSAHOY...........05/07/10..........05/10/10.......06/17/10........--/--/10....

ABDUR AND AZMINA....05/08/10..........05/11/10.......06/17/10........07/20/10.... GC received 8/02

FLORIDAGIRL.........05/08/10..........05/11/10.......06/16/10........08/02/10.... GC received 8/16

DANIELPARUL.........05/10/10..........05/14/10.......07/01/10........--/--/10....

UDLIKE2NO2..........05/10/10..........05/13/10.......06/18/10........08/12/10.... GC received 8/23

WONDERFUL07/2010....05/11/10..........05/14/10.......06/11/10........--/--/10....

ANDIER..............05/11/10..........05/14/10.......08/11/10........08/13/10.... GC received 8/23

BECKYBADGER.........05/12/10..........05/14/10.......06/11/10........07/20/10.... GC received 7/31

JEFFMAYETH..........05/14/10..........05/17/10.......06/29/10........07/29/10.... GC received 8/09

PKASH2010 ..........05/14/10..........05/18/10.......--/--/10........--/--/10....

LOVELYLILI..........05/17/10..........05/21/10.......08/10/10........--/--/10....

SIENNA..............05/17/10..........--/--/10.......--/--/10........--/--/10....

SHWETAMITTEN........05/17/10..........05/21/10.......08/10/10........08/25/10....

MIKE&BING...........05/17/10..........05/24/10.......09/01/10........--/--/10....

UHAM10..............05/18/10..........05/21/10.......08/20/10........08/23/10.... Early Bio 8/03

MSAM................05/19/10..........05/24/10.......08/17/10........08/27/10....

BSZOOM42............05/21/10..........05/24/10.......08/20/10........--/--/10....

RAJEE...............05/24/10..........05/27/10.......08/11/10........--/--/10....

BYTHESEA............05/24/10..........05/26/10.......08/13/10........--/--/10....

DAVIDANDJENNY.......05/24/10..........05/26/10.......08/13/10........--/--/10....

JJ_154..............05/25/10..........06/01/10.......08/09/10........08/17/10.... GC received 8/25

T AND M.............05/26/10..........05/27/10.......08/16/10........--/--/10....

ALICEMEICHI.........05/27/10..........06/01/10.......08/23/10........--/--/10....

HELWARDMAN..........05/29/10..........06/02/10.......09/14/10........--/--/10....

IMPORTANT!

* Make sure that your VJ Text Editor setting is set to Rich Text Editor.

* Go to the MOST RECENTLY POSTED VERSION of this list (go to the last post and scroll UP) and "Reply" to it, deleting the "quote" tags in your reply.

* Please DO NOT change the font, font size, add colors, stuff like that.

* Please PREVIEW before posting to make sure it is prperly formatted.

* Please check that you have not deleted anyones NAME & DATA.

Date of I-751 = The Date you sent your application

NOA Date = The Receipt Date on your original NOA letter

Biometrics = The Date of your biometrics appointment

Approved = The Date your case was approved

* Please Capitalize your VJ Name when adding it to the list

* When you're on this list, please come back to update your information accordingly

* If you cannot add your information yourself, please ask another VJ member to help you do so.

CSC Missing Biometrics Letters (2 still missing, 1 SR placed, 0 responses)

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VJName..............NOA1 Date.....SR Placed.....SR Response...CR I-89 #....

MSU17...............05/17/10......07/23/10......--/--/10......--/--/10.....

BRADCHERRIES........06/01/10......--/--/10......--/--/10......--/--/10.....

VSC Missing Biometrics Letters (2 still missing, 1 SR placed, 0 responses)

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

VJName..............NOA1 Date.....SR Placed.....SR Response...CR I-89 #....

MALABOROCKS.........05/06/10......--/--/10......--/--/10......--/--/10.....

PKASH2010 ..........05/18/10......08/06/10......--/--/10......--/--/10.....

Instructions: If more than 30 days have elapsed since your NOA1 date and you have not received your biometrics appointment letter, you can call the NCSC (their number is on your NOA1) and put in service request to the service center which you filed (CSC or VSC) to find out the status of the biometrics appointment letter. Make sure to verify the home address and mailing address (if any) with them on the phone. You can also request to speak to an immigration officer (you may have to ask at least twice to be transferred) to get your CR I-89 receipt number, (it is the receipt number of the biometrics letter) so that you can track your case online.

We were approved Aug. 13th. We received the approval letter in the mail Aug. 18th. Today I get a text that our case has been updated and it says:

Application Type: CRI89 , PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED

Your Case Status: Post Decision Activity

On August 24, 2010, we mailed you a notice that we have approved this CRI89 PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED. Please follow any instructions on the notice. If you move before you receive the notice, call customer service at 1-800-375-5283.

(itsallgood aka miles08)

I just answered my own question. After a search it appears that this is quite normal; I've just missed reading about it somehow.

We were approved Aug. 13th. We received the approval letter in the mail Aug. 18th. Today I get a text that our case has been updated and it says:

Application Type: CRI89 , PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED

Your Case Status: Post Decision Activity

On August 24, 2010, we mailed you a notice that we have approved this CRI89 PETITION TO REMOVE CONDITIONS OF PERMANENT RESIDENT STATUS RECEIVED. Please follow any instructions on the notice. If you move before you receive the notice, call customer service at 1-800-375-5283.

For approved applications/petitions, post-decision activity may include USCIS sending notification of the approved application/petition to the National Visa Center or the Department of State. For denied applications/petitions, post-decision activity may include the processing of an appeal and/or motions to reopen or reconsider and revocations.

The CR189 Petition has been received at the NVC or Dept of State? Anyone else receive this message? Or does everyone get this message and I've just not read about it? I'm a little confused. What does this mean? We haven't received the card yet in the mail so I'm getting myself worked up about the meaning of this.

(itsallgood aka miles08)

Congratulations!!! WOW!!! I just want to make sure that it was indeed May 13 or did you mean August 13?

Congrats once again!

Sorry! Yes I meant August 13th. And we are also 'miles08' from the May filers list.

Thanks everyone!!