Brendalee007

hi everyone, i m sorry but it is long story!

my love story turned to a disaster!! my husband and i had problems but i thought it is normal, we still not used to each others manners and way of living, i tried to work things out, i am very patient person, i gave him alot of time, but he is argueing about anything! and finally he started saying he did a mistake and so on,

whatever, i just kept my mouth shut! cause i was pregnant, he never went with me to the hospital to check my health or the foetus's. i didnt have support through out my pregnancy i was alone, my husband started abuse drugs right after he knew i was pregnant, instead of being happy and having hope maybe things will change with the gift god gives us the baby! he started sleeping in the living room (actually not sleeping) watching Tv and news online, every 30 minutes i get up tell him you have to go to sleep you are working tomorrow, he says in 20 min, he never come to sleep i found him on porn website, on marriage websites, and new msn account and yahoo account, i m pretty good with the computer i found those files and pictures of women he talks to! but i didnt say anything, his phone doesnt stop ringing! text messages, and when i asked him who was it he said my friend at work he is watching football and we talkin about it, i beleived him at first until he made a password on his phone and he goes to the bathroom for 2 hours taking either the phone or computer!then i got pissed i took my cloths and i was gonna go home he stoped me and his family, anyway! he still denying like i m stupid! he started lying to me he works only 10 hours and he told me 13 hours, i found out from his paystubbs and i decoded his cellphone passwords and i found a woman that he meets in near by hotel having sex and doing drugs!

when i fight with him he calms me down but the next day he goes out for the whole week, he didnt go to work and he didnt come home!i call his phone day and night and he doesnt answer! the longest period he stayed 2 weeks, i was pregnant and nobody to ask to get me food! i was crying day and night! but i had hope he is going to change cuz he started methadone clinic, but that didnt work at all!!!! after he started to observe my big tommy! he started to be nice to me , he doesnt go out alot,i had hope again! my husband lost his job because he got injured at work in feb 2010, because of drug abuse we lost every penny we were saving! we didnt have food, we got evicted because we didnt pay rent! i gave birth at that time and DCF got involved because of his addiction, they told me either he goes somewhere and i stay with the baby or i go somewhere with the baby and my husband stays home!i said i will go to his mother until he goes to the rehab, because before my son was born, my husband didnt have insurance to go! so i stayed 1 month and half with his mother!she did her best but afterall she was not treating me good!anyway, after one hour when he came back, his mother told him get out and take your family with you, or go both of you work and i stay with the baby, her intention is just to take my son from us!anyway,he was great he gained weight , he became the person i met online again!we got help from dss food stamps and we stayed in a motel , type of shelter thing financed by federal budget. we stayed there for about 3 months, what ididnt mention is that my husband had an accident with his car, so we walk all time, and guess what he started to meed those people who sells drugs and stuff! he told me that and i asked him lets move from the city!we were unable because he are homeless and no car! one day he told me he is going to get food from church, he stayed the whole day, and he called me at about 8 o clock saying he is coming , he almost lost us!! he got arrested! he had a back bag and he saw better one in a store and he exchange it thinking nobody can see him!!! stupid(at least GOD and angels see him). they released him with no bond....what happen next is unbeleivable... all the food stamps and money we received from the state is gone only on drugs because he relapsed the next day. i starve alot but i m very patient i drink just water and sometimes just bread with suger water! i didnt do anything because after he spend the money on drugs he comes and swears to me he will never gonna do it again! and he feels like kelling himself! i dont have anybody to help me only GOD!!i pray to him day and night! he got unemployemnt we came to an appartment which he doesnt pay full rent price at once like morron! i feel embarrassed from the landlord he is such nice guy!he never payed bills, everyweek the same! money in the garbage! my aunt in france sent me $200 to buy blender to make baby food and some cloths for the baby, because we dont have food he asked me to buy food with it and the next week he is going to replace it! it didnt happen! lies,after lies....he missed the court date he forgot!!!! and his probation is violated now he needs to turn him self in, but he doesnt have money to pay lawyer or bond! he says as always bla bla bla, i m going to save money for lawyer and bond, and rent for you guys for 3 or 4 months,before he turns himself in! but that will bever happen....i got enought of it!!! two days ago he got unemployment check, we need to pay rent and bills! he told me lets eat something in the mall, we orderd food and a guy who looked very old and very bad cloths came and tried to sit with us, i thought he is crazy!, my husband said give me 5 min, i m with my wife!!! then that person dropped the drugs on my husbands hands! i freeked out ! i cant control myself anymore i reached my breacking points! i followd that guys yelling at him in the mall, saying you take my money, my sons money! we r not working for you! he admits he sells mariwana! anyway, my husband run away he scared he is going to be caught! we finaly met at the parking lot,we went home screaming at each other, he didnt eat the whole day , he was just laying down, i felt guilty! i went to him and kissed his forehead saying sorry i think i over reacted! he didnt answer! this morning he said he is going to pay rent and buy milk and eggs! he took one hour i called him, where are you? he said he is on his way, he didnt come and i called him 1000 times his phone is off! and now its about 14 hours since he left!

he is definelty going to jail! it doesnt matter if he is out or in jail because he is not gonna pay rent, bills and lawyer fee.anyway!

i m currently looking for job and willing to accept anything that pays my rent.

my questions to you is :

his mother always threatens him taking the baby from us! is she able to?

my GC will expired on october 2011 and i need to remove conditions, am i eligible ? knowing that i was public charge!and my husband will be in jail anytime!i dont want to get deported because i have a baby who was born here and the decision to marry him was mine! it is a shame in my family if i get divorced and with a baby is worse! my socity doesnt have mercy, they will laugh at me!

i want to stay here and work and rely on myself and GOD!

PLEASE give me any ideas!

Thank you so much and GOD BLESS YOU.

Mounia.

Dear, sweet child,

You really need a friend! Listen, I had a husband who broke my heart on a regular basis with women and alcohol. I too, caught him with women and he even attacked me in his alcoholic rages. For 23 years I dealt with this. Please, don't live your life for this man! I know what it's like to love him and live with always thinking that you can understand him and help to bring something good to him and maybe even if you pray enough, he will get right with God. Fine, do that. But if you do, keep this in mind...if he does change, it may be on his deathbed. If he does change, at what cost? Your's or your sweet childs life? What if you get pregnant again? I have read all of the replies and the one thing I agree on in this...go to a womens shelter! Let me tell you what they provide. First, if it is for abused women, they will hide you. If you go to any shelter, they have connections that nobody else has. You could get to be friends with one of the women, save your money, rent an apartment, trailer, home. I honestly don't know what it would be like to go home, although my own family has become hateful that I am engaged to a Pakistani muslim. But I do also think that home could be the only option and you may have to swallow your pride for the sake of your son. No divorce. Just maybe a visit? I wonder if your husband will be able to convince immigration of anything positive. I don't think so. They will see that he is nervous and that you are worried. Personally, I think you should contact an immigration attorney and ask some questions. Write all of your questions down first. Call and make a phone appointment. They will give you some free advice if you find the right one. Your child is considered a US citizen, right? Well, I would think that you'd have some rights to remain here on his behalf. Find out from an attorney. Listen, the shelter will get you out of the weather, keep you and your son warm and fed. As a citizen, I don't see why he wouldn't have the right to government help. And I don't know that, honestly. But that's something else to ask the attorney. Actually, I'm wondering if you go to a shelter if they have immigration connections and could be your advocate? I am going through serious financial trouble right now or I would send you a ticket to get on a plane to come live with me. I would help you right now if I could. Where do you live?

Also, yes, Children services can come and take your child if you don't get help right away. It's cold and you have to provide for him. On the upside of that, if you have to lose him to them, it would be protection for your son. Most agencies who step in are in it strictly for the welfare of the child. If you don't have proof that you provide some aid to him if only in a shelter, they have the right to take him away. But the good news is, if you spend time visiting him, always make it a good experience when you see him. Don't upset him when you arrive or leave. If you cry, don't do it around the baby. They want to see that you are thinking of him and not stressing him. I worked in daycare for six years and watched the foster care system closely. Their goal is to return the child to good parents. So get to a shelter, get housing, a job, transportation, even if you have to get a bus. You know, sometimes someone like your husband suffers like that because he is clinically depressed or manic depressive or even bi-polar. He may need medication. As his wife, you can even go to court and have him committed to a state hospital for detox or observation. That would also show that you are doing what you can to work on this marriage. If you do that, then when you fill out any paperwork as to why you are committing him, or show up in court to file, then I would suggest that you make sure that you put some wording in your "complaint" (that's what they will call it) and say that because you love him and he cannot help himself that you are doing all that you can to help him get the help you know that he needs. In the meantime, visit him as much as allowed. Make work your priority. Be there every day that you can and on time. If you want to see your son, same deal. Every scheduled visit, show up early. Same with seeing your man. Be early and stay as long as they let you. If his mother is trying to get the child, she also will have to prove that YOU are unfit and she will have to show that she can provide what you cannot. And, here's a thought...if you have your husband committed and he is declared incompetent, you may want to ask the attorney how that would affect you, also. Would that send you home? I don't know. Maybe, you need to find a new sponsor. Maybe you should consider even going to school? I know I'm writing all of this quite randomly. Unfortunately, that's how my mind thinks, lol. so, Here's your questions:

1. If I have my husband committed for drug abuse what will happen?

2.Can I be deported if he's declared incompetent?

3.If this is a good option, will he recieve a disability check?

4.Can I become his check holder over his money since I'm his wife?

5.Can I stay here as a citizen based on the fact that my son was born in this country?

6.Will going to a shelter and providing government assistance for my son effect my status and will it send me back home?

These are questions for the attorney. Now, for yourself, Here's some goals to ask the lawyer about:

1.I'm going to a shelter and getting a job and I want to know if I can go to school or what is the best course of action to take.

2.How is the best way to assure that my child will not be taken from me or that I will not be deported.

You really have a lot more questions than this, I'm sure. but I just want to get you thinking, ok? Contact me anytime. I would love to talk to you and if my income changes and I don't get evicted, I would love for you to come and stay with me. Let's please stay in touch, ok? I will pray for you, dear girl. I will try to stay online but I don't know if I can with my money troubles.

Ok so, here's the deal. My fiance and I have not seen each other since March 10,2010. It costs thousands of dollars to visit anywhere and we had reservations in Bucharest before we discovered he needed a letter of invitation. So, i can go there, no problem as a US citizen but because of the terrorist ####### going on by way of others, he can't go without this letter. I have lost our flight and reservation money. The reservation is still in affect if you know anyone who wants to stay at a five star hotel! Anyway, we chose that hotel because we didn't want issues with no heat, ect. seeing as our trip was to be in January!

That being said, we are now trying to find a way to see each other. Every country is so ####### about how we can't hold hands in public, no PDA's! so, I don't want to go to an arab/muslim country. I would rather he came here. We have not filed our K-1 visa yet because we wanted this one more vacation under our belt first and because of our tax situation. So, this being said, here's my question

Has anybody who is an american citizen been able to use a tourist visa for their Pakistani fiance to come and visit here? Is it just to difficult? He has a mother he cares for at home and a very solid job and money in the bank. but we don't know if he would be able to come here. I only want to spend time with him and let him get to know my family. Any advice???? I miss him and we don't have the money for booking hotels and flying everywhere. Not if we are to show them that i can take care of him when he comes here.

Please help!

I am about to begin the process of a K-1 visa for my fiance in Pakistan. I have not heard of any man from Pakistan coming here on a tourist visa. He has a very important job and a masters degree in business and can get the mentioned letter. He has a mother and siblings at home and has always taken care of them so he would not just come here and stay without making a lot of life-changing arrangements for his mother. He also co-rents in an apartment house. I understand everything he would need to bring with him. I get that. This is a great topic and I've read most of the stories. But I also do not see any men who are from a high risk country getting a tourist visa. Has anyone heard of any instances? If he does come here I surely could not bear to see him sent home! I have heard that he'd be black-listed if he's sent home. Any feedback on Pakistanis or blacklisting?

Thanks guys. Things are so much different when you are from Pakistan. They are very stringent on their visa rules for them. All I need is a passport and to show up. He has a list a mile long.

Going to another Muslim country could be fun if we could keep our hands to ourselves. That's not going to happen! So, really, we need a country not under Islamic rule. They will not let Pakistanis go to Israel so we are both sad about that since we both want to go. If a letter from work will be ok, then we will continue with the Romania plans. I would just like some options in case that doesn't work out. So, any other ideas?

Ok, we had originally intended a vacation of a couple weeks in Romania. Well, he is from Pakistan and has to have a letter of invitation. We don't know anybody in Romania! Is there anywhere we can go to be together where we won't go to jail? We've said Nika but it's not legal so we won't be filing it. I really want him to come and visit me here for awhile and then return later on a fiance visa. But I don't know how to phrase the letter of invitation where it won't look like he's coming here to get married. And if he has to explain himself to get into the country, what will he say about staying with a single woman? So I have several questions, I guess.

1. What country is easy for a Pakistani citizen to visit that allows us to be together?

2. Can he visit me on a tourist visa and if so, how do we answer all the questions?

This is aggravating. We've already vacationed in Dubai together but we may not be so lucky the next time we go. Any ideas???

Thanks

Ok, we had originally intended a vacation of a couple weeks in Romania. Well, he is from Pakistan and has to have a letter of invitation. We don't know anybody in Romania! Is there anywhere we can go to be together where we won't go to jail? We've said Nika but it's not legal so we won't be filing it. I really want him to come and visit me here for awhile and then return later on a fiance visa. But I don't know how to phrase the letter of invitation where it won't look like he's coming here to get married. And if he has to explain himself to get into the country, what will he say about staying with a single woman? So I have several questions, I guess.

1. What country is easy for a Pakistani citizen to visit that allows us to be together?

2. Can he visit me on a tourist visa and if so, how do we answer all the questions?

This is aggravating. We've already vacationed in Dubai together but we may not be so lucky the next time we go. Any ideas???

Thanks

I live in Alabama, USA

It was part of our swearing in. Something about a 10 year restriction. I may be confused but it's been in the back of my head for awhile. I may have said "illegal alien" I don't remember and I turned my paperwork in. I am not sure! I'm glad you don't think so, lol. Maybe it's all in my paranoid head! I certainly hope so!

I am about to petition for a K-1 Visa for my fiance. We've met every requirement. Problem is, I don't know if it is legal for me to sponsor him because I'm a census worker, sworn in just like every federal worker, the military and the president. So, Does anybody has a clue?

Well, maybe you could do what was suggested to me. Although we've met and plan to meet again for 2-3 weeks in Romania. My agent told me that it's good to do a "Relationship History" Both of you write how you met, the way you relate to each other, what you love and don't like about each other, what you are grateful for. I would even put in there a comment that is very kind about how many people get married and go off to war and never consummate until the man returns. I would say that you are looking forward to your honeymoon and lives together. Get notorized statements from friends and family that say they are aware of your relationship and know of your plans and feelings. That they see him online every time they come over there to your house and you two are always talking. I don't know if they allow video dvd/cds but maybe you could send them some type of video. I'm not sure about that. Also, not seeing your man in person is a drawback for sure and it is required but, you have your medical information and I would also state that the dangers of going over there as a single woman without an escort was something that you considered. My fiance and I were going to get married in Pakistan because it's cheaper and we want to really be together. But He was so concerned about my safety, and then the airplane crashed and the floods came and we just said,"NO"...So we decided on the fiance visa instead.

Don't feel weird about the sleeping thing. He'll be at work and I'm on cam asleep because it makes me feel better. Safer and closer to him. And when his work starts to bother him and he gets stressed, he pops me up there on the cam. I think of him all day in the car, wondering if he'll love the things I love and be amazed at this country.

I would like to say something that did take a moment of adjustment. What I saw on the cam did not look like him as much in person. None of his pics were like him in person. I knew it was him but they were dated photos with different hair and he looked much taller. But I assure you, after the initial shock, I was undone! Never found anyone to make me feel like he does. I must say, Pakistani men are very sweet and kind and very hospitable. Well, the good ones, are, lol. And I found one of the good ones.

I don't know what type of health issues you have that you cannot fly. But truthfully, they have awesome accomidations on airlines now for sick, handicapped or disabled people. You should call some airlines and find out what they have available and go online and look something up. Do some research because I think to set your mind at ease and to get approval, you should really meet him. I would suggest Romania or Dubai. Just no demonstrations of affection in public in Dubai or you can go to jail for kissing. And tell him to bring your marriage cert. You should also have a copy. I know of a wealthy man who has been married over 7 years to a woman in Mexico. they have been denied all of those years. And they meet all the requirements. So who knows what will happen? Just pray and do all that you can to de-stress and go meet him. Good luck! If I think of anything else to show, I'll certainly tell you.

i am so stressed out reading all these forums and seeing AP after approval and denials and such... really need things to go smoothly, we have been waiting so long before filing, but his education is now completed and i have had many health issues so really need him to get here quickly!

one thing i keep seeing listed as a necessity is photos of the wedding. we have none. we got married via phone and even if i had been there in person no photos would have been allowed. his family was mostly there, father and brothers, though mother of course was not allowed to go to mosque.

we have our nikah nama (notarized by ministry of foreign affairs), have marriage registration certificate/number (where it is filed with govt) and have a city court judge affidavit as well.

as for proof of ongoing relationship, before we were married we had many phone calls and many yahoo calls (thankfully free, i dont know what we would do without them! we would go crazy!!) and since marriage last year we have had a call plan on home phone for when internet is down (500 minutes a month that we usually go over = NOT good!) as well as cell calls for emergency or when i'm out of home if i am missing him too much (way too expensive) and of course free yahoo calls every day pretty much 16+hours a day on days i'm home (ok we are weird but soemtimes we even nap "together" we cant stand to be apart!) and some days less if we're fussing or are outside home.

thankfully i have multiple computers/laptops and can set him up wherever i am in house and we spend time together like that... he uses bluetooth on his end so he also isnt tethered to computer. most days it's like he is right here except he just isnt

anyway, we have no plane ticket stubs, no pictures together (neither of us are wild about photos in first place so wouldnt have any, or many, even if i were there)... neither of us have many photos in general!

he is part of our every day life, he guides and counsels our child (my child from previous marriage, divorced in 2003) and he is such a support to me daily.

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