Cre8ed

I'm not sure if your post is directed at me .

We all have our life stories, but if we are not able to be objective and just empathize with someone else's story, then maybe we should not answer. I am sure giving_up knows that slapping someone is not a healthy response, but there is really no need to lecture her on this. Plus, the most important thing is for her to be safe. I know that giving_up is in counseling and I know that this will be an empowering experience for her. It will allow her and her baby to live healthier lives.

I am not sure about the exact percentage of "reformed" abusers, but I know, for certain, that this is a very small, negligible number.

giving_up, just know that you are not alone and that people on here are keeping you and your baby in their prayers.

Definately not aimed at you gina_raluca. Your post was selfless and completely helpful. Like you I emphathize and want to support the OP asking for help. I got the number from counselors at an abused womens shelter, when I was recently an inmate....I guess some one much like yourself. I agree with much of what you say, and hope and pray that some light will come to the end of this tunnel that giving_up is in.

Not sure if posters realize, but when someone is worn down and at the end of their road in life (Happy Bunny - so well written).....what you say can have some lasting effect. A forum of complete strangers much like this one gave me the courage, support and information I needed to scrape myself up and get out! It's not always important to be right, but please don't be negative just to be right, when someone obviously needs to know what positive can be done.

giving_up, I'm so glad to hear that you are going to counseling. You will be able to understand more about yourself and the current situation you are in.

Vanessa&Tony, what you did was re-victimize her and this is the problem with those who are trying to vicariously solve their issues. I am not going to write about the cycle of abuse (others have done it quite eloquently), but do you really think that if someone goes to a counselor to get help, they will be scrutinized like that? Well, you did that, so of course that's why you got this result. Giving_up does not need a cold shower now, she needs someone who can empathize with her and her situation and for her to know that she is not alone and that the situation at home is inadmissible.

I agree.

I also agree that everyone has a story to tell and that is the emotion in which they respond. OP is already in couselling, therefore not necessary to advise her to go.

This is not about whether it's worth a green card.......didn't you read the beginnig of the thread? There are alot of issues here, giving-up is also worried about being on the right side of the law with her child. It's no joke being charged with kidnapping!

I was told that 99% of abusers do not change their habits. I think it better to be safe, and then plan and get councelling through the situation. I pray you get through this as a survivor.

My husband went to digicel in Jamaica to get his phone records and they say i need to have a form from the embassy requesting it do anyone know anything about this.

If you are able to register his account online, he may be able to pull past bills that list the calls.

Good Luck

We all need to stand up to violence in the home, it is not acceptable, and people and children do die from it....I unfortunatly have seen that first hand and words can not describe the severity of this situation, and the turmoil that it creats.

giving_up: your are in my prayers.

Hey - have you withdrawn the I-864 yet? It's been almost 2 weeks since your first post in this topic.

Please update with what you have done. It is important that you stay on track with this.

Why would you want to help him stay in the country? From what your saying it sounds like he used you and for sure destroyed your relationship and trust...there isn't a friendship or marriage when there isn't trust... I say divorce cancel/decline all paper work....then let him fend for himself. I might be cruel but I personally think that's justice.

I pray you are not entertaining the notion that he might one day sort himself out, and morph into the idealistic person you hoped he would be!!! Women!! we are our own worst enimies.

This isn't going to be a popular post but... you are a victim of domestic violence, yes. BUT you are also an abuser. YOU assaulted your husband. This has nothing to do with popularity, you are insensitive in writing as though you are an authority on domestic abuse.....I would lie trying to defend myself from an abusive spouse, rather than lie down and let him abuse me, like I deserved it

You HIT your husband first.

I'm not saying this to be mean but I am very aware of women abusing men and people thinking it's not a big deal. Emotional abuse is still a form of abuse as well. YOU need to seek help for your anger issues and to deal with your abusive tendencies, as does your husband. This is a two way street. You both have issues to deal with. Ever thought that she might be angry as a direct result of the abusive environment she's in???

The OP has posted for help in her abusive relationship, and in the light of this relationship, how best it is for her to proceed through the immigration process.

Vanessa&Tony.......there is no excuse for posting on the internet in ignorance......the OP does obviously has not given all the fact in a few sentences, and I don't believe it is right to assume we have them. Yes, we only have one side that is obvious for all the posts on VJ. You are seriously mistaken about what you think you know about domestic violence and abuse. Pushing someone does not label you an "abuser".

Abuse can be physical, sexual, emotional or verbal; it is intimidation or manipulation of another person or an intrusion into another's psyche; the purpose is to control another person. It is generally a long term pattern of behavior although specific short term interactions can be labeled abusive. Recently the following categories have been included in definitions of abusive behavior: social, economic, intellectual and spiritual. With child abuse neglect is also an important component.

Because it is often learned at an early age, it can be passed from generation to generation like a family disease. This is called the intergenerational cycle of abuse.

Abuse tends to happen to people in a weaker position or to those who are willing to be accommodating. Thus a stronger brother will abuse a weaker brother; an agreeable and supportive wife may be abused by her uncompromising husband; a teacher may pick on a student who is having learning problems; a spoiled teenage boy may manipulate a parent in an abusive manner.

It takes the average woman 9 times of leaving and going back before she finally leaves an abusive spouse. Surely you are not adding insult to injury by suggesting that the OP's relationship must not be that bad, or she would have left already?? The OP explains why she is still there.

From what's been posted, the OP didn't lash out at thin air, she was abused in some way (Verbally, Emotionally......) and sought to defend herself, then she was abused physically.

The Immigration process recognizes that spouses are at a high risk of being abused, and waivers are provided to accommodate such situations.

Even though you might think that nobody knows that you are being abused, because the outward appearance to the world is that you are a perfectly happy couple, they know, because his erratic behavior is watched by neighbors; colleagues & friends. His family will know also, because he didn't become this person overnight. GET HELP, & TELL YOUR FAMILY YOU NEED THEIR SUPPORT.