HeadsTailsYouWin

I have a feeling that if you see a lawyer and actually want to file for divorce, that they will be able to find him. They could at the very least be able to advise you what to do.

You can file for divorce without knowing his exact location, I'm sure.

I can definately file for a divorce without knowing where he is. It just takes an order from the judge (which means I have to go to court) and weeks of posting ads in the newspaper... a much more long and drawn out (and expensive) process than simply having him served divorce papers, or better yet him agreeing to the divorce and us signing a mutually agreeable divorce settlement....which the judge signs and we're done in 30 days. It's likely he's avoiding me thinking he can postpone a divorce, and if I go through with it he can avoid dealing with the consequences of it.

I don't think he will be found if he doesn't want to be... that's how in the US manage to elude deportation all the time... I'm sure an attorney would recommend a private investigator, but I'm not even planning to use a lawyer for the divorce at all, and would never spend the $$ for someone to hunt him down... I've already spent thousands of $$ on this "caper" and don't want to throw good money after bad... It would give me some small sense of "closure" to know what he thought was better than living with me. I want closure more than anything.. and that I doubt I'll get.

This is a big group.... Anyone in Dayton Ohio want to help me check out where I think he might be working??? It's a very public place, you wouldn't even have to speak to him or ask about him... he'd be behind the cash register or stocking the shelves in a 2 person shop in a mall.... (the other employee is female so it wouldn't be hard...)

If anyone is willing to help, please send me a private message...

Thanks for your kind response. You're right, he does not have his permanent green card... He got it in April of 2009, so there's still a ways to go. I've had some ideas of how I might find him, but don't know what to do with him when I do find him... (at least I'd know where to serve the divorce papers when it comes to that...) Was thinking of putting his picture on a milk carton... but I think they only do that based on the missing person's chronological age (49), not the age he acts (3)... which means I'm outta luck with that idea... but at least it makes me smile to think of him seeing himself on the carton... gray beard and all...

Thanks again.

First of all, I am sorry you have to go through this.

I don't think you have to do anything at this point. According to your profile, your husband has a 2 year greencard now? That means, soon he will have to file for removal of conditions and if you are not divorced by then, he would have to do that jointly with you. Latest then, he will remember that he has a wife...

If you chose to divorce, he can file by himself with a waiver, but he will have to proof that he entered the marriage in good faith.

The only thing you have to keep in mind is, that you signed the Affidavit of Support, so if you don't want to get any bad surprises down the road, it's probably in your best interest to find out where your husband is and what he is doing.

I am sure someone will come and correct me if there is something you would be obligated to do at this point.

Best wishes to you!

My husband and I have been seperated (he went to live with a friend in the same town) since the 21st of February. Until April 15th we were seeing each other once in awhile, and I thought that reconciliation was slightly possible in the future... (at least cohabitation, if not full reconcilliation).

After a blow up on April 15th. I have only seen him once (around the 18th of April) when I he accompanied me to close our joint bank account. He then refused to answer any of my calls, or reply to any text messages, etc. I ran into him once and he said "I'll call you" but he never did.

Last Tuesday for the first time since he moved out I went by the apartment he was staying in for the last 2 months, no one was home. Coincidentally he called me that afternoon and said he had left our state and had travelled about 2400 miles away to take a job. He asked me to come there to stay with him... Since then I have not heard another word from him... he doesn't answer or return my calls/texts.

Something tells me that he's moved on in more ways than one...

I know he is supposed to file a change of address with the USCIS when he moves around (he hasn't). I have not been able to verify that he is working where he says he is... nor do I know, with any certainty, where he is living, or have any shred of evidence to prove that he's even left our state.

Do I have any obligation to report this to anyone? Anything I'm obligated to do?

Thanks in advance for any information provided (of a constructive nature)...

*For those of you who wish to analyze the relationship - please do so in your own mind without moving your fingers to actually type a response...

A bit of background...

3rd Anniversary coming up in May

He joined me in USA in the fall of 2008.

He got his greencard one year ago.

Since he got his greencard we've lived together less than 3 months.... (he went 2000 miles away to take a job for 6 months)

We've been separated since February 21st.

I don't think I even know him anymore... The "friends" that he's made here (that also came here from "the old country") have filled his mind with all kinds of nonsense...

They told him to report me to the IRS for filing a joint tax return - because he wasn't living with me for 6 months last year... (so I'm USING him to reduce my taxes!!!)... Never mind the fact he isn't claiming a DIME for the work he did "under the table" during the 6 months he was gone, and the THOUSANDS of dollars I spent on him during the 6 months he was here before he got his greencard and work permit... sending $$$ to his dependents back home...

If I stay married to him and just let him go on doing whatever he's doing (he doesn't return my calls, etc.) what "risk" am I taking? (I have already paid $3600 for his health ins. policy that's good through 2010....). To my knowledge, he is unemployed living with friends... He has been given the option to come home but has chosen not to. (While claiming that I "kicked" him out...)

If I divorce him I'm sure his friends will advise him to try to get $$ in the divorce.. We have a pre-nup but he will claim he didn't understand it... (as he's claimed about EVERYTHING)... I understand that I am stuck with the 864 but not sure what government "benefits" he'd be eligible for... as a single man with nothing to keep him from working (like disability, etc.).

If I"m married to him I don't see how they could make me pay for his housing, or food... because he COULD come home... Has anyone ever heard of a woman being required to pay to support her temporary greencard holding ex after a divorce?

It's another year before his current greencard expires... He claims I'm staying married to him so I can PREVENT him from getting the permanent greencard... ???????? Do I have to "approve" his permanent green card application if I"m still married to him??? I know if we divorce he could TRY to adjust on his own... (good luck with that!)

It seems I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't...

Anyone want to tell me the odds that I'll end up supporting him if I divorce him?

If we stay married could he decide to live in an apartment and stick me with the bill for housing and food because he doesn't want to come home?????

Boy this is complicated.... Makes me feel homesick for a NORMAL "old fashioned" domestic divorce...