sonobi

Has anyone ever heard of sueing the person that a spouse had an affair with? I think it's called alineation of affection or ill intentions on a married. Wouldn't it be nice if victims could sue the third party responsible for causing unwanted stress on a marriage? Your thoughts?

I have not pulled the I-864. And yes, women--we are our own worst enemy.....I'm flirting with the idea that perhaps, I should try and forgive for a change....It's out of my norm...I usually stand firm and prefer to walk away....but I'm compelled to stay the course and keep myself protected the best way I can...I always say: God don't like ugly and at the end of the day.....he will be dealt with as well as I will be dealt with by staying on course. I don't want to sound like I'm defending him....and yes...he does seem like he is scamming me....but...would he have scammed me if he were american and still cheated on me with so many women...Americans that don't require visas cheat all the time from all types of classes....

The fact of the matter is that he cheated on me.....did he take me for my money?....not a chance....he doesn't have access to that...and should he try....well....there isn't much to take...so .....

With all that being said...thank you all for your words of encouragement....thank you all for your frank opinions......I'll try to keep an update going....we'll see what happens within the next couple of weeks.

I was wondering if anyone knows if Philly's office or the Dover, DE office accept Walk-ins?

If you don't make it to the appointment one, it will be considered an abandoned application. I imagine that unless you called and made other arrangements. hope this helps.

WOW!!!! VJer's, please seattle down. There are worst things in this world going on around us and we should be more united. We have never met in person, and yet you speak to each other with such dislike. We are here because we have someone thing in common. We married outside of our country. A person will decide to cheat wheather they are American or not. That does not constitute a scam. We tend to scream SCAM because the one that is cheating is the one in need of a CG to stay in the promise land.

However, that is not the case with me. Mine is prepared to go back to Nigeria right after our divorce. Our marriage is not based on the GC. The GC is based on our accomodations of building of life together and growing together.

Must we really insult each other like this? Really....does this mean that one is more stupid than the other....don't entertain each other's nonsense. The situation lies in what ever you decide fits your lifestyle.

Nwanyioma, congratulaations on your wedding. I wish you well and please don't take any of our bad experiences with you. There are many people that are happily married. If I could find a way to forgive my husband, I would and give it another try. Unfortunately, that is not my lifestyle. Do take care.

What I don't understand is why are you willing to get him his GC and pay for every whim &fancy of his after the way he used you and treats you. There is a very thin line between being hopeful and being stupid in your situation. If he does not treat you right when you have the upper hand in this relationship what makes you think he will even care to be in touch with you once he takes what he needs from you. I am sorry to say this but all your posts about praying for you and him are not going to get you in a better situation. You need to act on the advice given here to save yourself and save some other poor woman who will fall for him and go through the same sh!t once he is done with you.

Well put!!! You are sooo right!!!! It's true, the spots are not going to go away!

Thanks for your support, Nwanyioma and everyone else. I have other friends that are Nigerians and they are very honest and good people. I'm still trying to decipher if my husband infact scammed me into getting him to the US or if he actually had all those affairs because he was just being a barking man. (No offense to those real men out there that are completely loyal to thier partners). Regardless, he was wrong for cheating on me while we were waiting on his visa to come through with entirely too many women (and still denies it). I am really trying to find the road where I can forgive and forget; unfortunately, that is not my life style and I can not find that road.

I was totally in love with the idea of being married to this man that, at one point, brought me so much happiness. At the same time, I cannot neglect the facts; which include a double side that I have never seen before we got married. I do love my husband; but I love myself a little bit more than him to allow this type of behavior in my life. That's just too much disruption.

For some odd reason, he seems to think that we can get over this and move on with our lives together. I think being nice to him perhaps led him to think this way. However, sometimes, I do get caught up in the moment of my love for him and I do show him--I'm hoping that he understands that we could never go back to how we use to be in Belgium. He has changed my life for ever. I don't see all Nigerians this way--just him. I don't want to see him as a scammer. I would like to compare him to a dog that doesn't stop smelling Sh**. Had he told me that he was a player, I would have made a different decision; but he withheld that information from me. He's too secretive.

I know what I need to do; I'm looking and reaching out for the strength to help me get through this difficult part of pulling the I-864. I could be like Nike--and "Just Do It".

Again, thank you everyone for your untiring love and support.

Broken Hearted

Thank you all!!! You are all so right! I've already taken the precautions of protecting myself from my husband financially. We tried to get marriage counseling but he just ended up lying to my chaplain as well; so there really is no point in us getting help or even us trying to move forward with our relationship.

I don't believe in hiding anything from my husband; and he is very much aware of my intentions. It just amazes me at the thanks and gratitude this man has for all that I've done for him. He becomes very offended when I tell him that he is selfish. Now, I know why. He could have money in his wallet and he still allows me to pay for our outings making me think that he either has no money or very little money. For my birthday, he brought me an ice-cream. Who does that????

I'm sure that I'll get over him once he is out of my life. It's hard to start getting over him when he is still under my roof. Amazing how people still use others for personal gain--even after everything this world is going through.

Again, thank you all for your continued support. Please keep me and him in your prayers. I do hope that soon we could start our own separate lives. I'm glad I have my extended VJ family.

Broken hearted.

Men that cheat and lie don't magically get better, their makeup is flawed and they put themselves ahead of everything and everyone. They will claim to "be different" when it helps them get what they want. It is just a lie to further their goals. You deserve better and you should never let yourself get guilted into doing just one more thing before walking away. If you sign the support document you are on the hook for 40 quarters of him working which actually could be more than 10 years if he doesn't work. What if in the future you find Mr perfect and can't afford to bring him here because you are still on the hook for Mr pathetic. The man used you and you should take your dignity and tell him that you are done. Are you willing to to into an interview with him and say you have a bonefide relationship , if they find out later you could be on the hook for immigration fraud and making false statements. He could be banned for life ( as he should be ) and you can be fined heavily and jailed. Pull the affidavit and move on.

Thank you so much for your response and encouragemnet. I'm very happy to hear a voice from Nigeria. I was starting to think that this type of behavior is normal and accpeted in Nigeria. By what you are telling me, I can see that Nigerians do not tolerate this type of behavior either. Many thanks for that.....I'm still in shock and much pain...what makes it worst for me is that I'm in the military and this man has caused me so much disruption with all this mess. Thanks for your voice.

Although, I'm quite adamant about our divorce; I'm still trying to hope that somehow some way, I could get over his deceit and cheating by the time of our divorce is final in May. So, should he still attend his biometric appointment?

...

I'm really trying to stay out of denial....the fact remains that I was deceived and he seems to think that I should be over it by now....he is too secretive and keeps information from me.

It's a 2 edge sword, IMO .

If you WANT him to 'get some status' and stay in USA, he'll have to have his greencard.

That adjustment of status to GET the greencard is based on a bonafide marriage to a US Citizen.

This AOS process puts the USC 'on the hook' for 10 years, a contract between the USC and the US Government.

OTOH,

If you do NOT want to be 'on the hook' for these 10 years -

and SINCE he's not been granted a green card (yet) -

then YOU, the USC, can withdraw the I-864, affadavit of support, prior to either interview day or final adjudication.

IMO (however flawed ) - he's simply married you for the greencard, all else is for show, and he has a handler (or two).

I base that on his dichotomy of his treatment towards you, and the pile of emails that you've found.

IIWY, I'd ditch immediately, file for divorce, and withdraw the I-864, all in parallel.

If you'd like a professional opinion on this - hey ! The ICE hotline # is at the bottom of this page, in the fine print - give them a call, and get some 'other advice'.

Good Luck, however it goes, whatever you decide to you - ya, I always believe any rift is repairable, but at some point, you have to decide if you really are gonna bail out, or no.

Thanks for the advice. Another question: Could his sister be his sponsor? I am not interested at all in being responsible for this man; at the same time, I don't want to be looked at as the evil witch that took away his GC. The fact still remains that he deceived and cheated on me and I can't seem to get over that. So, I'm prepared to walk out of this marriage and do what is best for me without hurting myself financially.

Have you guys successfully adjusted his status? By that, I mean does he have a greencard?

No, we are still in the process. He has his biometric appt. at the end of this month.

I think you will find that most people here on VJ don't support people that scam people for a GC.

Since you aren't going to try and prevent him from getting his GC I "hope" he won't scam you further by using public assistance and costing you more.

If you "pull" the I-864 it "should" prevent him from doing so unless he can do a I-360.

What is an I-360? You are right about this scamming. He is now very upset with me for going online trying to find answers. I will pull the I-864.

If he has is green card then it is get divorced and move on. Divorce is no fun, but it is survivable.

If he has not been approved for the GC, then you could revoke your I-864 Affidavit of Support and the Adjustment of Status based on your marriage would not be able to happen.

He could petition to Adjust Status on his own. There isn't anything you can do to stop him from attempting to do so.

Thank you....I don't want to stop him from adjusting himself. I just don't feel secure with the I-864. That's 10 years long of an attachment that I'm not willing to do. Is there another way that he can do this without my affidavit of Support. He does not have his GC yet. We're just now entering the biometric appointment at end of this month. But our divorce will be final in mid May. Any advice.

Hi Everyone,

I happily married my husband from Nigeria. We met in Belgium; and he was absolutely fabulous. I saw no indications of a cheater or lier in him at all what so ever while I was in Belgium with him. I moved back to the US and he stayed in Belgium for about 5 months. At some point, i started to question hi loyaty and fidelty to me during our abscences from each other. He ensured me each time we spoke on the phone. So, of course I felt guilty for the accusations I've implied towards him. Long story short: He arrived to the US, and we got married right away and applied for the AOS immediately. At the same time, my husband was behaving bizzar totally unlike him in Belgium. I kept feeling as if he was in love with another woman somewhere else. We argued a lot and couldn't be in the same rooom for more than five minutes. He decided to take a trip to WA to visit one of his friends....and the same night, I went into his emails and found a lot of pictures of him and so many different women from Begluim to Nigeria.

It was quite obvious that he fell in love with a woman from Belgium. He was also emailing his first love that happens to live in the US; telling her that he couldn't wait to get to the US so that he can be with her. Anyway all blew up and he still wants to deny most of the relationships with these women having explanations for each including blaming me for his turning to another woman.

Now, I'm starting to feel as if I'm his free ticket to the US. When he thought that I sent a letter to USCIS requesting a cancelation (yes, I told him that lie), he was telling all of his friends that I was the most evil woman alive. Then he found out that I never sent the letter of cancelation; and all of a sudden, I'm the nicest person to exists. He now changed his tone with me and avoids any conversations about these women that he lied to me about. Now, I find out that he has more money on his person that he actually disclosed to me.

He's been taking advise from his friends that have been telling him to leave me. So when I purchased his ticket to fly to Atlanta to be with his sister, he completely changed his mind about the whole travel. we will be divorced on 14 May 10.

My question: What can he do to stay in the US? Thanks.

Broken hearted.

Not normal for a man to seek other comforts....of course, a trader will try to blame the spouse for forcing him to look outside the marriage. Sorry that happened to you.....follow your heart!