OneLove313

hmm sounds sad, but in one relationship both side always make it look like they are the one who's right and the other one is wrong, i don't want to judge the girl without hearing her own story ofcourse or not knowing the whole story, from how i read it, this is all about the "RELIGION" if i am right, look like it's unreasonable to put the "divorce", "deportation" or what so ever on the table without fixing it??? does it enough reason so give up on one relationship just because one thing didn't work??? can't both parties think that there is so many good thing, good side that both of you done to each other, cant both of you give it a try to fix that relationship and save it .. rather than.. following what they advise here since .. we're all not sure if she really used that guy for green card. Always remember that there's two side of story. I'm not saying that this story is wrong but .. the story is favored to him and if the girl put her own side here it'll be favored to her too, so all i can say it try to work it out, give it a chance .. think about all the good things that both of u done to each other than this one "lie" that you are talking about, but at the end of the day .. it's all up to u .. choose what makes you happy.

You are incorrect, you must not have read this thread correctly, this is not about religion and it's not about anybodys judgement, you are no therapist or judge. You made a useless comment. I need advice and it's not just for me, it's for others who have the same issue. We shouldn't be used! I know all Filipinas are not bad but most are that come here. That is a proven fact, that most Filipinas use men in western civilization and it's wrong so she is wrong. Nobody asked you to judge my wife or me or anyone. I only asked for advice in my situation. You don't know the story is true or not and it's not the point. The point is that I and others need to know what to do in this situation. EVERYBODY STOP JUDGING, I'm tired of reading pointless comments and getting them removed. It's a waste of time. If you are not here to help those in need then be gone!

Like a couple of you here I am trying to look at both sides of the story... By what you wrote I am sensing that it was more like a personality/religion issue instead of her just USING you for immigration... Why all the hate?? Just be the bigger person, do not threaten her with deportation... Just be civil, if you can, withdraw the affidavit of support, send her back home and wish her the best. You mentioned that she already said she wanted to go back home. After all, this is a person you once loved deeply. If she is using you, then karma will take care of it.

Just my 2 cents here; as the beneficiary I can relate to your wife in the fact that she moved and left everything behind to be with you, don't use fear or threats. That is not playing fair. If she in fact used you, why didn't she wait until she received her green card?

Good luck.

You can't see both side of the story because she is not on here. Your senses are way off. There is no hate. It's not just about religion, it's about her lying to me just so she can get here. I thought I loved her but you can't love someone that is a lie. She didnt leave anything, she had nothing in the PI, no family and a boss at work that physically abused her,she told me, but after she came here she denied it. She is a liar. I sent her money to go to her hometown to be safe and not work and just take it easy and that's why she lied about being hit. And if she left anything it was a bf back in the PI and it was so she can get here and she needs to go back. Actually she should pay me back for everything I spent, but that would be if she was a good person.

So sad to know about your Fiipina wife... i am a Filipina and married to a godly man. We are having a little taste of heaven on earth in our marriage.. I believe in the sanctity of marriage and the Biblical role of man and woman in marriage. I hope and pray you can work things out. I believe real change comes from Jesus and no one can change your wife except when she has a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. Seek godly advices.. God bless your marriage.

Thanks for your concern and I happy that you two are happy, but this post is not about religion, it is about her fooling me into marriage and lying to me that she would convert. I believe in Jesus, but he is not God, he is a messenger. Read the original Bible and you will see that it says that Jesus was trying to spread Monotheism to believe in his God, the only God. Jesus was one of his many messengers. I dont want to discuss religion anymore, but I just felt that it's my duty to at least let you know the truth is out there.

Yeah, and he asked her to convert to another religion and leave Jesus out of her life for good.

Pretty fair, no?

What's wrong with you? I never said to leave Jesus out of her life, nor did I force my religion onto her. She accepted it before she came here and then betrayed me.

Why are we supporting physical/emotional abuse on a man, one that has kept his word to his wife and filed AOS, if it were the other way round we would be saying go for the VAWA thing. He kept his promise to her, to bring her to the US as his wife, to take care of her and to help her through the AOS process. She, it seems, made a promise to him, which she lied about, a lie, which to some of us, may not be a big deal, but it seems it is to him. Yes I understand there are two sides to every story, but we need to leave our personal judgement out of this and offer the same advice to him as we would to anyone else.

On a side note, OP you have been given some very good advice from people on here, but only you can decide what to do and how you play this out, think carefully about your next move, this is your life be careful.

Thank you both. The thing is about 2 sides, I dont even know her side because she is a compulsive liar and it is a big deal to lie to someone about converting and about anything just to get a green card and hurt somebody's heart and emotional and physical abuse. If it was a women then I would tell her also to go to VAWA if I knew what it was before.

I agree, I don't need anyone to judge me, it helps nobody, I came here for help. Only God can judge me. I have gotten a lot of good advice and that is what I and others need.

You said "she doesn't want to go" and you have also said she said "she wants to go home". It seems you are not sure what she wants.

My advice would be to:

1)a)File for divorce and inform her of this fact.

or

1)b)Try counselling again and let her know things need to be fixed or you do not feel you can continue in this unhappy union.

2) Give her options ie/ does she want to go home or stay and make her own way here if you do get divorced( I would not back her into a corner and tell her you are buying her a ticket back, otherwise she might make things harder for you); does she want to work on things.

I cannot believe that if you love someone or had loved them previously that you would intentionally want to hurt them, even if your marriage does dissolve, I am sure it is better to dissolve it amicably and it will probably save you from heartache/ stress/ financial loss late.

IF you both entered in to the marriage in good faith then you cannot have her "deported" . Actually YOU can never have her deported, you can only report the marriage as fraudulent AND doing things like this/ saying those things to her as threats may encourage her to do the same thing, try to hurt you, she might file VAWA , report you to police etc etc and it could get messy. You cannot have someone deported because they don't "treat you nice".

You obviously did not read what I said. I didnt say because she is not nice. There is physical and emotional abuse and I have evidence of it. I only said that she told me she wants to go home and that I think she doesn't because I know she tricked me into believing she loved me. I have every right to get her deported since she fooled me with lies as we knew each other almost for 2 years before she got here. When she got here she changed, when we got married, as I said before, she didn't follow any of the vows that she gave, nor did she listen to the minister that was also a Filipina and a therapist that had wise advice for us. I am not sure what she wants, only God knows but I know she fooled me and abused me multiple times. Everyday emotionally and I do not argue back with her. You need to learn how to read what is written instead of reading what you think in your head. No intended Offense, just advice.

Well if God wants her Deported then I am sure God will have her Deported.

Meanwhile it looks like she is staying and you need to cough up for a Divorce Lawyer.

TRUE

That sounds awful man, looks like people have given some good pointers to you in regards to your legal and immigration options. I hate reading stories like this, sucks for everybody personally involved.

Thanks, I agree and I hope this thread will help people that are in the same situation and so that they can take immediate action after being betrayed.

ya, from studying his timeline, is not any approval, yet.

an interview, yes, but no approval.

IMO, the WINDOW to withdraw the I-864 is very tight, for him, but is do-able.

I didn't post the letter yet because she has it but it was approved last week so she is waiting for the green card which will be here soon.

Well, so sorry again. As what others said, you have no right to deport her. You just need to report to the USCIS, but, still it has to be proven if she really used you for immigration. And. it is really hard for me to judge her without truly listening from her side. I understand your feelings. Right now, I know you are still angry with her and that is why you want to deport her. That is a normal feeling. I just think if you really want peace in your heart -- then move on with your life and lift it all to God. It doesn't happen to you only. I'm sure you have learned great lessons here that would be very helpful. Things have to happen this way, because God loves you very much. He doesn't want you to suffer more. Just look at it positively and feel blessed that God guided you all throughout. Take care and I wish you peace in your life! May God bless you more.

As I already said I am not angry and I have peace in my heart and I do have the right to deport her after her betrayal. Nobody is asking for you to judge her. You need to read the initial question and stay on topic. You seem like a Christian so you must believe in one God, but you should know that God does not order us to be kind to those who are evil or do wrong to us and do not obey God, it is the oposite. You do not know of God's wrath, you only know of his forgiveness? He does not forgive if you do not repent. Have you ever read the original Bible? Well there is no original Bible because they have all been copied and changed but in the most original it says bad things about the Prophets of God, like that Noah was an alcoholic and David committed murder in order to commit aldultery, which is not true at all. Also it says Jesus was a prophet and then centuries later the new testament written by men also it says that Jesus is the son of God and then turned into he is God but the original Bible speaks of Jesus as a prophet telling the people to worship his Lord the one God and that he is not a God or a magician, just a messenger of God.

If they have already approved her conditional green card and have physically sent it out, there is nothing you can do. I divorced my ex because she left me and only had her card for 7 months. USCIS will not do anything and she cannot be deported. USCIS willlet the conditional green card run its course and then if you are already divorced, she can file a waiver to remove conditions and then will have to appear before USCIS for an interview, If they believe her story that she married you in good faith and I thought it would take a lot of proof, but it doesn't. Pictures of your wedding, joint bank account, tax returns, medical cards, people writing affidavits saying they witnessed you as a husband and wife, then she can get her conditions removed without you and especially if she claims VAWA and they believe her. I want my ex gone as bad as you do. I only hope that her leaving in 7 months of having the green card is compelling enough for USCIS to deny her waiver request. I even have pictures of her with another man less than 3 weeks of leaving me and we were still legally married, Unless you can get the paperwork that was talked about to withdraw your support affidavit before the green card is issued, there is little you can do. Divorce her, try to get her to go back home, but if she doesn't and becomes a public charge, you are finacially responsible and they will come after you for anything that falls into that category. Good luck. I feel your pain.

Good Luck !

Thanks, sorry to hear you dealt with her for 7 months and she did that and as a former DHS employee I know that you must push very hard to get them to work for you, contact your congressman to set up a meeting, I have done this for something else. I'm glad somebody on here knows what I am going through and have been, though I didn't catch her cheating but there is no love or respect from her anymore. I hope your ex-wife gets deported ASAP and stays detained for awhile, same as my wife now. They deserve that. We don't need evil people in this country, there are already enough and time and time again I have met people who have had problems with Filipinas and even repeated it LOL butI have met a few that were ok. Also when I lived in China I had a Filipina gf there that loved me and when my business crashed, she bought me a $200 keyboard to start doing my music again, she was from Cebu and later on I had a gf from Isabella in North PI that when went to visit her she paid her way to come see me and always paid for half of everything without me asking. She was a nurse, but at that time I was scared of commitment. Now I see why I was scared.

So, she doesn't have a green card YET

but

the AOS paperwork HAS BEEN FILED, and there was a local AOS interview on the 29th of February (from yer timeline).

At this stage, YOU (the USCitizen Petitioner)

can withdraw the I-864

via

postal letter to:

1. local USCIS office

2. national USCIS office

a 'withdrawal of support', this I-864 document, stops all - her green card cannot be issued without it.

So, prep that tonight, send out both via Express Mail in the morning,

then file for divorce.

You have a very small window of time, to get this done.

Once it's done, she'll be out of status, and subject to be picked up anytime.

Good Luck !

Thank you and I believe you are right but so many posts here say differently. It makes me confused on what to do. I will eventually choose the right path Lord willing

I don't know what state you are in, therefore can not look at the statutes. You need to think carefully about your actions. If you think this person you are married to is a danger to you then you must speak, if you and her were going at each other and you were both equally aggressive then you need to address this by counselling.

I don't know what religion you are, nor do I care, but if your beliefs are so strong that you cannot in the name of your God be married to her then divorce her, but divorce is not grounds for deportation and nor should it be.

Good Luck with your decisions, but for goodness sake think before you jump.

I am thinking, thats why I posted here. As I said earlier we have met with a therapist and it didn't work on her end. It takes 2 to make it work. I'm in Nevada and thank you, you are right that I must speak and not be like a battered wife and stay quiet but typically police here go on the womens side because they are weak even if they have no signs of abuse but I do.

I'm sorry for your post. It's really hard to give best advice in your situation as we only hear your side. As they say it takes 2 to tango. In every action there is always an opposite reaction. I think it is best that you buy her a plane ticket if she wants to go back to the Philippines. But, if not, then you may file a divorce if you think the relationship is not workable.

Through faith in God, maybe you should give another chance to work out ? Did both of you undergo counseling ? why not try it ?

If no more love, trust and respect, well, I think you have to divorce her and move on with your life. To deport her is not an honorable thing to do IMO. I believe she won't be in the US without love and sacrifices from both of you in doing all the paperwork. It just didn't work out I guess. Love and Marriage should be work out / nurture always. There is no perfect one. If she is a user, you should have known her better before filing. So, I guess she shouldn't be blamed or judged now that things have changed. There is no certain in life. We have to be responsible on our own actions.

To force her to join your religion is not good. Maybe she changed her mind and you have to respect her on this aspect. Maybe, in time she would want to, but, never force her. It takes time -- it won't be an overnight process. She has to see in you the goodness of what you are believing. It is good to lead by example. We need to practice what we preach so it could be emulated easily.

I believed it wasn't easy for her to leave the Philippines to be with you. So, pray for her so she could live well in the US without your support. Don't be bitter -- vengeance is awful and not a good christian act. Let God handles it as He knows best. Trust God. In this way, you could move on with your life with no regrets. It is always good to apply biblical approaches in solving our problems. It will make us feel better and have peace in our hearts.

I believe there is someone better for you -- pray for God's revelation. "All things happened for a reason". God bless you ! Great things will come to you if you allow God to take in control of everything.

You spent more time writing then reading the thread. Your answers are in this thread. God is in control and as I already said I take responsibility and have no regrets because everything is God's decree and I did not say I am Christian. I have given her way too many chances and there is honor in deporting her because she cost me a lot of money and hardship. I always learn from everything. And God says to cast her away from me and that is deportation. We have enough bad people in this country and as a former DHS employee it is honorable to keep her out and protect the people from her. As I said before I have not forced her to my religion, she lied to get here. She deserves worse than being deported. But I have peace in my heart and I want to move on and just let God punish her. She sees me praying to God 6 times a day and sometimes more. I practice what I preach. I am the one who did all of the work to get her here. About getting to know her more, how could I? I met her while I lived in China and I visited her in the Philippines and went to her home town easily because the flight was not long or expensive. I moved back to the USA because of her and our future kids we planned to have and I worked so hard to find a job in the recession. I'm not bitter and God granted me permission to act out against those who attack me and those of evil and what I plan to do is not punishment at all, it's getting my life back. I allow God to control my life but it's not up to me, everything is his decree, so I have no regrets and trust in God. He has guided me my whole life.

I am not being confrontational but just asking - why is it that since their is a difference in religious beliefs then you can't be married to her? What if she was a great wife in every other area would that still make it wrong for you to remain married?

If you are a religious person and believe in the one and only God and the herafter then you must have a righteous wife, but if she was being a good wife then I would give her more time to truly convert and be righteous. I grew up with a father of religion but didnt practice it and a mother who has no religion, just believes in God. That doesn't work for the kids or marriage, they got divorced when I(the youngest) was 14. God has commanded me to only wed the women who is righteous. I obey God and am not happy unless I please him and it doesn't please me to have a wife that doesn't praise him. U.S.A 1st amendment right and my religion, my Lord and his prophets I follow and praise only God. I worship him and he gave me life and I will obey his commands and that's what makes me happy. But being married to evil doesn't.

OP have you reported the alleged abuse to the police, you do know this could go against her should she ever file for citizenship, as she is showing she is not of good moral character. Be careful what you do, if you do not want to support her forever or be liable for her, then you really may want to think carefully about your next move. Do NOT rush in to things within thinking through all scenarios.

I haven't because of fear that I would be arrested because a lot of times the guy is and in my state it's a law that some1 gets arrested on a domestic violence call. Maybe I could file a report still by looking at the time stamps on the photos and just make a report only, not file charges.

Sorry, I didn't make myself very clear there. I started off asking if he thinks she used him for immigration purposes, in which case she can still be deported unless conditions were removed. Also, if they aren't married anymore, as you say, she'll have to prove the marriage was entered into in good faith.

Unfortunately for you, the affidavit of support is on you, and divorce doesn't void it at all. Unless she's deported for using you for immigration purposes, the affidavit is in effect until either:

- She becomes a citizen.

- She abandons her status.

- She has worked 40 fiscal quarters.

- She dies.

She'd have to have a case for saying you abused her. With zero proof I doubt she'd get too far..

Thank You

already dealt with. let's

right, I got an email with that post so I didn't know it was dealt with until I looked

Oh no things are getting nasty in this thread I know exactly how you feel to be betrayed and used. My brother got married to a foreigner and used him for green card. (Same thing happen to one of my friend too) I will probably feel the same if my fiancé did the same to me. Let just pray that god will do all the punishment for this kind a people. Let karma runs after them.

Thanks. I have met many people in the past who have had this problem and I know when to get out. I will not be used anymore because to me that would be going against God. He likes the does of good, not evil. I'm sorry about your brother and God will in the end have the worst punishment for them. And also in this life. I never have regrets because I know I'm on God's path for me and I am responding to his trials in a way that I think we would be pleased. He had a reason for all things in my life and only he knows what they all are but I know a little. All praise is due to the one God. I worship God and praise him every day multiple times. Thanks for your concern and peace be with you, Lord willing.

Stop with the personal attacks, this thread needs to be monitored and posts removed. This man has a right to say what he is saying, he is asking for advice not to be attacked. Enough is Enough.

Thanks, I agree and I already reported that one Portland, Oregon guy that put up a video of his girl that is in the Philippines still and he has no experience about this topic. Please help get people like him off of VJ because I need help as well as others and this thread can help others also. VJ is a community where we get info and help each other. I have been using it since 2003

I don't understand how being arrested for DUI takes you car away especially when you follow-up with mentioning that Insurance won't pay for your car even though it was the other driver's fault. That just doesn't make much sense.

VAWA isn't even a concern for you, she's already adjusted status. The Affidavit of Support is in effect until one of the following happens:

She works 40 quarters (10 years)

She Naturalizes

She Abandons her Greencard

She Dies.

Then stop playing like you're a couple, give her the ticket when you get your Tax Return and file for divorce. Personally I'd hold off on the divorce until she has returned home and abandoned her residency, it's the only leverage you have as she can't get a divorce in the Philippines and needs you to file anyway for the PH government to recognize it.

Thanks for the advice! As for my car I wasn't be so clear because it was of subject but the insurance wouldn't pay because the police made it my fault because of DUI when actually I was sober and passed the blood test, therfor never had to go to court but it remains that I got arrested for DUI. I need to seal that file this week but it won't change the police report. I dont trust cops at all anymore.

Anyway back to your advice. I would give her ticket back home but I don't think she wants to and I can't force her onto the plane. But maybe I can tell her it's either that or have the Government detain her for deportation and then maybe she would accept out of fear. She knows she can't survive here without me. Your last words were very smart, thanks for giving me an alternative solution. I also should call the USCIS and ask them the facts without revealing who I am. Thanks again.

Sorry the above is wrong. People remove conditions all the time on their own while divorced. Just need to prove that the marriage was entered to in good faith. As soon as the divorce decree is received, the immigrant can file to remove conditions immidiately without having to wait 1 year 9 months.

Well, she couldn't survive here and she already told me she wants to go home. I dont beleive her, but eitherway I am waiting for my tax money because I don't know how much it will cost to get rid of her.

You can't get her deported if the marriage has simply failed.

You can forward any evidence you may have if you feel she has used you for immigration purposes. But you still cannot control whether she gets deported or not. That's up to the gov't and whether it can be legitimately proven that she has used you for a greencard.

Get a divorce, forward whatever evidence you may have, then move on.

Sorry, and good luck.

Thanks!

Do you think she's using you for immigration purposes? If so, that's a felony on her part.

Has she removed conditions already? If yes, you're probably out of luck, if not, and she's still on a conditional green card, she'll more than likely have to return to the Philippines if you get a divorce, because the condition of her green card is that she's married. The only way she could stay if you divorced before conditions were removed would be if she claimed that you abused her.

This is called VAWA (Violence Against Women Act)- Research it and protect yourself. There have been instances of foreign women marrying American men and all of a sudden screaming "abuse!" out of nowhere so they can divorce and stay legally once they get into the country.

Doesn't matter if she adjusted status already if she's on a conditional green card. If conditions have been removed already, that's a whole different ball game, and will probably end up in her staying.

Thanks a lot! She hasn't even gotten her green card in the mail yet. It's on the way. That VAWA scares me, because she has abused me and I have only tried to restrain her. She must have to have proof, she can't just say it, right? Also how about my affidavit of support? Is that void then?

If you did the adjustment of status for your wife already, you may be out of luck (somenone please correct if I'm wrong). If however there has been no AOS then you're able to simply divorce your wife with little repercussions and if you suspect (with solid evidence) that your wife married you primarily to gain a greencard then you can report your case to ICE.

Food for thought, research VAWA and protect yourself if necessary.

Thanks, yea I already got the I-485 form for AOS approved and now is a 2 year waiting process. I have only photos of bruises and scratches but no clear evidence. Also I got fired by DHS back in August and can't really support her & live my life. She is greedy and wants everything and takes it all for granted. I'm still trying to get my job back through EEOC and my Congressman. It seems she is always intentionally hurting me by all means especially sleep. All I know is that I have been betrayed and she should be deported. I spent all the mopney for everything willingly and still do but I want to stop now. I have no car also because of the police arresting me for a DUI when I don't even drink, nor was I offered a breataliser test and was falsley imprisoned for 24 hours and the insurance company wouldn't pay for my car even though it was the other drivers fault.

Anyway Thank you!

Sorry to hear of you unfortunate circumstances.

I hate to see this happen. Is there any chance of counseling to save the marriage?

If that fails, you have to get a divorce first.

I am certain that other members will chime in with their opinions and advice.

Good luck.

Thanks, I have tried marriage counceling and and 1on1 with a therapist but she lies to him and she doesn't work on the things he tells us to work on, so when I told him, he told us to think about getting a divorce. She has broken ever vow we gave and we had a great minister to marry us who was also a Filipina and had wise advice, that I agreed with 100%. We had a 20 minute or so talk with her about marriage etc. after we got married. She didn't even listen to her. It is clear to me that I have been fooled by her. At least I tried. I have no regrets. I just want a better future.

How can I get my wife deported and how much would I have to pay? My wife has betrayed me and does nothing but fight with me and watch tv. She is not doing her job in the marriage. She didn't cheat, but is a compulsive liar . She said she converted to my religion for us before she came here and now she is here and says she won't. It's against my religion to be married to her. I want her back in the Philippines. She is a user. She has lied about me to my family and they believe her. Every day with her feels like torture. She has physically abused me but mostly verbally.