kriola

UPDATE: I'm hoping that someone here can help me understand information I got today when I called USCIS. The representative told me that since I filed an I-129F that my petition could not be withdrawn since it was already approved. Because the I-485 is HIS aplication, he's the only one that can withdraw it!?!?! She also basically told me to call ICE but that he can still potentially get his greencard even if the marriage is annulled or we are divorced. How does this make sense if the 485 is an adjustment based in the marriage?

Didnt you suspect anything when he was using a card to call and leaving the house? Have you seen the movie Phone Booth? Thats sign number 1 of fish business.

Im glad you are making the right decision but i have to say that i absolutely hate what your husband did to you and this country. It makes me sick that he would go that far to lie to you and take advantage of you. And now hes got his whole family calling you a golddigger, yeah right. You would wipe your butt with the money he makes. What a piece of human trash. I saw you destroy him so he will never come back to the US again. Sorry kids, but you have to pay for Dad being a #######, liar, fraud, theif, confidence man, and overall bad human being.

If i were you I would go middle-eastern on him and see to get his hands cut off so he can never work again. You deserve a real man and a real relationship.

anyone else who has any inclination of this sort of stuff going on before the marriage, please sign a prenup.

I did get a prenup done before marrying him. That's at least one smart thing I did when it came to him

I am certainly sorry you are having this problem. Sounds to me like there was some fudging if not outright lying on the biographical data forms he submitted if there is additional children you did not know about.

That said, when you recycle a man who has children and ex wives, this is the kind of stuff that comes with the package. I am not sure how it could be done, but I have always wondered about this type of thing since I have been visiting this forum.... how do you know about the background and habits of a person who lives in another country?

Sounds like this man has a violent nature, so make sure you do not get hurt and avoid any and all interaction with him. Don't stir the pot anymore, he is out, take this lesson and stay safe.

LOL, I did recycle a man, didn't I! Our families have known each other for years. My parents are friends with his father. Unfortunately since he didn't grow up with his dad, he's not very much like him. I thought that since we had this connection I could trust what I thought I knew of his character. Wrong! He knew I would not have married him if I knew that he was leaving a pregnant woman to marry me. His mother knew I wouldn't have married him if I knew the truth. I think they're lying about when this baby was born since noone can tell me exactly when she was born, How do you not know your child's birthdate? Even the mother hesitated when she said that it was the beginning of March. My husband couldn't remember the date. It just makes me think the kid was probably born earlier and they don't want me to know that he definitely knew of the pregnancy before our wedding. I guess I'm supposed to believe that he didn't know at the time. This is her third child and I know that these babies are usually born early!

I am not going to have anymore contact with him and am ready to go on with my life.

To the OP: I feel for you... I had similar experiences with my first wife. However, count yourself lucky that you are a woman because as a man I got quite the opposite types of replies to my posts here on VJ. I am glad that you felt you should post about your bad experience because I agree that due to most VJers being on the beginning side of the relationship everyone is happy with rainbows, unicorns and lollipops and not many post about the true trials and difficulties after their partner is here.

To those who replied with "blah blah blah ... get him deported." Unfortunately our immigration system doesn't work that easily. It truly is easier just to stop your involvement with whatever step of the process you are in and try to not think about what the other person is going to do next. Just remind yourself that you have done everything to distance yourself from that person's life and done all that you can to not be responsible for their actions here in the US.

If you find yourself in one of these 'bad' situations always remember to protect yourself. Even more so if you are the 'male' in the relationship. Just do your best to follow the rules/laws and when decisions that seem costly or unnecessary... think hard about what the costs could be if you don't make swift choices to protect you and your family here in the U.S.

Good luck all...

I completely agree with you when it comes to differences between men and woman and responses you get in these types of situations. But what it really boils down to is that both men and women are capable of being manipulative with matters of the heart. Men are supposed to be stronger and "take it". I don't think anyone deserves to be used in any situation. I'm sorry you had to go through this and I hope you are doing a lot better now.

WOW!!!! I really wasn't expecting this many responses to my post. Thank you, everyone, for your kind and encouraging words.

UPDATE: He is apparently trying to portray himself as a victim with no where to go. The "Poor thing" doesn't have any way to get anywhere because he dousn't have a car and no friends to help him. I have text messages from him where he told me that if I wanted my car back to just go and pick it up. So I did, LOL! I spoke with him today to ask him what he would like for me to do with the few things he left behind and tell him that I needed the second set of keys for my car. He told me that I can pick the key up where I picked up my car (on the ground outside his job). He then asked if I realized his job was on private property and I "needed permission" to be there. He is obviously trying to set me up.

I made an appointment through Infopass for Friday. But I think I read here that since I'm a citizen, I don't need an appointment. I plan on being at the office first thing in the AM tomorrow. His mother has tolds some people that it would be "very bad" for me if I tried to send him back. Translated in English, it doesn't sound as dangerous but in the language it's a serious warning to basically watch out and that I should be afraid that something would happen to me. I am, at this point, thinking I need a restraining order. As for changing my locks, he told me where I should look for copies of keys he secretly made for the car and different entrances to the house. I had no choice but to change my locks and keep my house alarm on at all times. A few of my neighbors are law enforcement officers (Department of Defense, Department of Justice, County police, etc)and I have spoke to them about my situation. They are recommending I do exactly as I have done.

I tried calling USCIS and ICE. USCIS is obviously closed on the weekends but I did speak with someone from ICE who advised me to go to the office and withdraw my petition. Lot's of help, he was. He didn't ask for our names or take any additional information. I will call again tomorrow.

I think I have been in denial for a while. I don't think I wanted to believe that I could have been used in this way. I'm usually a much smarter person than this. But in the end I do believe in Karma. You reap what you sow.

Hi, I thought I would share my experience here with everyone so that no one has to ever go through the same thing. I married my husband last August after his being here 1 week. Immediately after the wedding, we had our first argument over why he felt that he should send some of the money we got as a present, to his "ex" that he had two children with. He at first he told me that he had to sendmoney to his children, which I mistakenly believed was ALL his children (He has two older ones from a previous relationship. I would have almost let him except he messed up by mentioning his "ex". he ended up sending the money because I didn't feel like arguing anymore. My point had only been that this is something he should discuss with me, his wife, BEFORE making any financial decisions. It was OUR money.

The marriage had been rocky, he "all of a sudden" started displaying some pretty macho traits and behaviors that he apparently kept in check before we married. We met with immigration in March for his uinterview. By them he was already becoming distant and would always tell me that he's "just worried about his (younger) kids. He would get upset with me if I didn't let him call his ex to check on the kids. The thing was, I NEVER tried to stop him from checking on his kids. I just didn't understand why he could only talk to them on a calling card while he was out of the house. He would tell me that he had to send more money because his ex couldn't pay the rent or pay other utilities, etc, or that his children were starving. I made it very clear that I would always help him take care of his kids, but under no circumstances, was my husband going to "take care" of another woman. Mind you, he did not work for the first 8 months here, so yes, apparemntly, the money I was sending to ALL his kids was actually going toward taking care of her! Iput an immediate stop to it and yuo would have thought I had committed murder.

He received his EAD and found a job in April. Almost immediately, he came up with lots of excuses for why he didn't think he should help pay for the house, car, utilities, etc. He said they weren't his! He lived "for free" for 8 months and never once asked or wondered where the money came from. He never really asked about my job or pay. Everything was always there or done for him. WHy hsould he care? He became very upset and cancelled his direct deposit to our bank account because he felt I was spending all HIS money. I had spent money on groceries and paid bills. He then agreed to only put a couple of hundred a week to pay bills ( He took home about $900/week). I make much more money that him but he soon started calling me a "gold digger" and that I was only interested in HIS money. I only thought I was making sure that "my husband" took part in what I thought were OUR responsibilities!?!? He said he didn't come to America just to pay taxes and pay my bills. LOL!, I guess he's not a democrat! I paid for his passport, medical exams, clothes, visa, plane ride, 8 months of food and utilities in addition to sending money to his kids and he all of a sudden doesn't think he should be helping with anything.

In May, I had to have day surgery. He told me he wasn't going to accompany me because I was a "bad wife and didn't respect him" so I guess I deserved not having anyone to drive me home after being under anesthesia. I actually had to sneak out of teh hospital and drove myself home! I was so upset, I called his mother in his country and told her about how he's been treating me. She didn't really sound like she cared but laughed it off as him "being a man". Still pissed I called the mother of his two older children to explain to her that I wasn't trying to keep my husband from taking care of his kids. She proceeded to tell me that she doesn't know how he came to the US in the first place because he had been arrested several times for beating her up. She finally ran away while he was at work one day and she was 4 months pregnant with her 2nd child! She then said that she feels even sorrier for his younger kid's mother now that she had THREE kids to take care of. At first I thought I heard her wrong but no - She had this baby in Feb/March. He left her in his country 2 months pregnant! She thought I already knew this as it was his mother that had been happily announcing to everyone in town. I calld his father, who lived here in the US and he said he had heard but didn't feel it was his place to tell me. My husband told everyone that he wasn't going to tell me because I "argue too much". Not only had I been sending money to "take care" of his ex, I may have even been paying for her pre-natal care! I then called his ex.... She told me that he told her this wasn't a REAL marriage and that it was only so he could come and work to take care of her and their kids. SHe told me the baby was a girl and that THEY (meaning her and my husband) hadn't decided on a name yet and she was waiting for him to make a decision on the name. She hoped it was be a "K" name to match the other two. She sounded surprised that I was upset given that she thought I knew this was only a marriage on paper. His mother is supposed to be arriving in the US in July and (of course) his ex will be moving into the home with her children and living for free and very well, I might add. They have a lot of land. When I confronted his mother about this, she tried very hard to make me believe that this was just an idea that came up and not part of some plan.

I confronted my husband and his response was "SO? I'm a man". He has also told me that I really shouldn't care if he is looking for other women or has a girlfriend - because he's a man.

I have found dating and adult websites that he subscribes to looking for women for 1-1 sex or possible long-term relationships. He states he is single and has posted his pictures. I have found emails and chat that he has exchanged with other women. He became very upset with me because I was upset with what he was doing. He couldn't understand why I didn't understand that this was just for fun.

Well, he has now been out of the house 1 week. He has apparently found a "roommate" with an apartment close to his job.

My family, at first, didn't want me to do anything vindictive, like, I guess calling USCIS. He has children to feed, etc,etc. But this morning I received a call from someone telling me that his mother is apparently telling people that I am such a horrible woman trying to send her poor son back home but that she wasn't too worried because she doesn't think I can actually prove any of the things that have been going on. She also said I was a golddigger and I was only interested in her son for his money!

So, this morning I went to my husband's job and drove off in the car I bought, in my name, that he drove. I then returned back to my 3500 sq. ft home and changed the locks. I will be driving my BMW to the immigration office on Monday and explaining to them why I am withdrawing my petition - right before I meet with my lawyer about getting an annullment. Unfortunately, for him, having a child born within 10 months of our marrieage is enough grounds for annullment. By the way, USCIS still hasn't approved his green card, so technically he's in a bit of trouble because they would have wanted us to go in for a second interview before approving his GC.

I know that most of the K-1 visa marriages are between two people who really love each other. But there needs to be more said about actual fraud and the lengths that people will go through to come to this country. Sorry to be so long in venting like this but I truly loved this man and would have given him my world. But all he wanted was my money and my citizenship.

Hope this help others who feel they may be getting into a similar situation. DON'T DO IT!!!

Hi everyone,

Just wondering if anyone else has had this problem-

The NVC states the sent our paperwork to the US Embassy in Cape Verde on May 14th. According to DHL, the package was signed for at the Embassy on May 20th. It is nor the 25 and my fiance hasn't recieved anything so I emailed teh embassy. I just recieved a reply saying that my case is still with the NVC!!!! I replied back that I spoke with NVC and even added that the package was signed for by "Angela".

Has anyone's paperwork actually gotten lost at the embassy?

The valid date on our petition approval is from April 21 to august 21. Does this mean we have to be married and my fiancé in the US or the time the embassy has to make a decision to give the visa?