philippinebelle

Under the I-864 you and your co signers are financially responsible for his support. The only sure way to be released from that is he works 10 years or obtains us citizenship. So basically there's nothing you can do. Hope he gets his us citizenship and then divorce his ungrateful butt!

You just made me smile with tears running on my face. Thank you.

You're about 2 years too late to withdraw the I-864.

You're on the hook for I believe it's 10 years or 40 Quarters of work if he goes on any government benefits. Whether or not that's ever been actually enforced is another topic.

It's okay I find a way, I will not make this easy for him. He got the nerve to pay with my heart then he got something coming. These type of people be punish for manipulating the immigration system.

First of all I want to say I am so sorry that you are going through this pain right now but I want to explain some things to you!

I grew up with a lot of people from turkey and have a lot of friends that are from turkey and I have to tell you that some of the things, situations and actions that you are explaining are just the way that they are living and what they are used to! They are not bad people at all it's just their culture! I also have to point out, that not everybody from turkey is like that, they are others depending on where they are from turkey that are more used to the modern world/ culture!

Did you ever ask him how he sees the cultural differences etc?

Big hug to you!

Hello Vicky, culture or not it is a common sense to do your responsibilities and obligation to your wife. I am his wife now and his own family now. I don't think its cultural not to want a baby. Most Turkish men like children. Yes I asked him that and he said it's different. I am not born and raise here in the states but I have to adapt. He complain so much about the country and the people, I told if you don't like it then you go back where you came from, we can live there than saying all these words that sounded like a terrorist to me.

philippine love isn't suppose to hurt.Words don't mean anything, actions mean everything. If he was my husband I would have no doubt that this man does not love me at all, his actions speaks for itself my dear.Divorce him and move on. It's too late now to cancel form I-864.

Hello Sandranj, your words hit like a rock. I am pouring like a mad woman right now. Just the word divorce is so dreadful to hear. Thank you for your advice.

Nothing you can do but move on

I know that's the hard part. A lawyer said it's a risk of marrying a foreigner and want to come here, they might just want the green card. It's an experience that I will never want to be involve again. Thank you.

Sorry for you heartache, but do not let yourself become a doormat ... I is not healthy for you and not healthy for your child to see you used like that! As far as stopping him ... Sorry to tell you but nothing you can do. He can file for removal of conditions on his own if he divorces, after 5 years he can file for citizenship... Frankly, becoming a citizen is the best thing that will relieve you of the 864 responsibilities

Good morning Christeen, thank you for your comment about my issue. I got so emotional reading your post because it is exactly what I'm feeling. The thing about him he will not say to divorce me but he wait until I say it and he pick it up. Then later on when I bring it up he will say I didn't said that you said it. His actions is telling me otherwise like he is having an affair because he locked himself in the bathroom for hours and when he opened the door after I bang the door several times so he will open he did and he got the cellphone charger and his cellphone was used because it still lit up inside his pocket. Then he said he done nothing wrong and drop the bomb he don't feel the same anymore and of course he waited that I will said the words, so I said you mean you don't want this marriage anymore and he said YES. So I said, okay then go, leave and go wherever you want. Then he said wait, not now because I have no place to go. He got a job he is saving his money secretly, should be able to afford an apartment. He got a nerve to tell me to wait until he leave, he should know that he will not live with me anymore after his changed of heart but he still want to stay pretend to be my husband even though he don't do his responsibilities. He even got angry that I bought a toy, what the heck he wants me to find another man to suffice my needs? He don't do his obligations and I do have needs. Sorry people I know I am being open here but it's the honest truth we are all adults here and forgive my boldness. The bank he put my name on it, he take the money from it and deposit it in his Turkish Bank account. I keep wondering how in the world he don't have to buy food while he earn more than me. All he wants to do is work and work overtime and go home sleeping, if he awakes he eats, then go back to sleep again and of course go see his friends. This animal left me to bled to dry. He broke my heart and still think he done nothing wrong. He knows exactly to manipulate the immigration system and he does have his own account here in Visa Journey, he search everything he wants to know here and that's why I was thinking if he can find people to help him what to do, I should be able to find people who can help me find a way to stop his devious plans.

Yes, I agree with the above posters. I'd encourage him to get his US citizenship and then divorce him. I'm sorry this is happening to you, but his citizenship is the fastest way to get you off the hook for your affidavit of support.

I agreed too, thank you.

Sorry to hear this.

Its hard move on with your life and focus on you and your child.

I am doing that to ease my depression. Thank you TJTIE2012

Nothing you can do but move on

Thank you Belinda63, you may be right.

Hello VJ People,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum I have to write this topic. My husband already got his 10 years green card but I'm afraid he is manipulating the immigration system. First of all we got married thinking we love each other and we have the same dreams like growing old together with love and have children, helping each other and do things together. He changed just so convenient when he got everything done. He don't want a baby with me but when I when I told him you got to go back to Turkey, his answer is no because he said he can't take care of himself there, as job is hard to get.. at least in the US even it's hard employers cannot really discriminate because of age. He is not old but he think he is, he is only 31 years old. I know in the back of my head I had the fear that there is the risk that he might only be using me for opportunity to stay in the US but I set that aside because I love him so much! He blames me for the changes, he said I changed him even though I tried what he asked of me, be nice and being a good wife... I thought I was being a good wife but he think I was not so I tried to do what he think is a good wife, don't ask him where he go, just agree what he wants to do and etc. All he wants to is got to work, go home and sleep and when he wants to go see his friends. He has no time for us. He finally paid some of our bills because my former company shutdown and so my pay changed dramatically. But even though he knows I have automatic payments for some of our bills he sometimes expect me to pay some more bills. He bought a car even though we have a good running truck, I asked him I want help to fix the house, he immediately said I can't afford it, but then he turn around and bought and iphone. He put me in his bank account to secure that his removal for condition will no issues but I can't use any money out of it. I'm not one of those people who just get the money without permission. He knows exactly what makes me angry but he wants to do it anyway like on his days off he rather sleep or go to his friends. He never want to make love with me even I begged. He said because he don't want to but when he want to I cannot say no because I want him so. He is acting like a single man and don't do his responsibilities as a husband and a stepfather. I know I sound pathetic but I do love him with all my heart. I want him to go anywhere he wants but he will tell me, not now, wait.. wait for what? He don't want this marriage and he expect me not to get hurt to see his face in my house and feel his presence. That's when it dawn to me that he is biding his time for some reason. That's why I wonder if he really love me why it so easy for him to hurt me instead of loving me?

We got married 2009 and he came here 2011 because I was short with my proof of financial support but I worked hard to be able to have that amount that will show on the tax return. He is been living here with me for about three years. My questions are, what will I do so he will not be able to file his citizenship? If I write a letter to INS to withdraw my support, how to do it and where to send it? I hate people who use and hurt people especially about love. Such a cruel way to damage someone inside out. Please help. Thank you.

I've been asked what to do when marrying and divorcing with American/Turkish spouse/fiance. Hate this topic because it hurts but there are times things that are out of our control and we need to take action with legal and proper procedures. But also, I love this topic because people falls in love even with the distance, different culture and traditions. The best site is our USCIS but sometimes it's hard to search a topic so here it is. Read and it might give you some idea what is the best action to take first and what follows. Good luck for those who just started their relationship to the journey of love forever after and for those who didn't have the happy ever after story. Click below to go to the US embassy Turkey site.

http://turkey.usembassy.gov/marriage_divorce.html

I know it's been point out by all my friends that it looks like a bit fishy, why he waited to decide to leave after the biometrics for I751 is done and then of course an interiew is coming. I feel so stupid and hurt. It's not fair that people who are using love to get a citizenship or resident status get away with it all the time. It's like once they got all they want then they leave the person they conned to bleed to dry. The deception is so deep it's hard to catch it because it involve feelings, emotions and vows. I read so many stories like this and never it came to mind that this will be happening to me. Jbda, yes I agree with the heart to heart talk and hopefully he will give the full commitment to try fixing the problem. I know marriage takes two to tango and if it takes to make up and argue and make up again to learn and fix things... then why not. Marriage are not the same in perfection, just make it as perfect as you think it can be... like custom made. I really hope this is not his reason and just hope this is just a regular marriage problem that don't have that kind of deeption. Pray and wish me luck. Thanks everyone. Sorry don't know how to update status. I never really get in this site for so long until this problem arises. My husband is the one who keep up to date with the status with his own account.

I agree with Vanessa&Tony... He made his choice... I would write the USCIS and let him stand on his own feet. He wants to be on his own after the process so let him be on his own now.

I was thinking to do that but I am also hoping that before I do this major action that will affect everything we worked so hard, that maybe we can fix our problem. But then friends were telling me maybe he is just bidding for the right time.. then leave. They have a point too. Thank you jdba... I am still hopeful that perhaps something good will happen.

Well, yes and no.

I personally would write to USCIS withdrawing my support of the I-751 application. Then it's up to him. He would then request a waiver based on divorce.

Most likely to be approved without significant evidence of fraud or enough evidence of good faith marriage.

Thank you Tony and Vanessa. I really don't know what to do. I never thought this will happen. I thought .. omg.. sorry.. Just my stupidity.

Husband just did the biometrics yesterday for I751, he wants to move out the house and file for divorce after papers are done, is this going to affect his application I751 for requesting to remove conditional resident status?

My question to those of you that have made this move ( or your spouses).. what can I say to him to help ease his worries?

We know he'll be able to go home, at least a few times a year, to visit his family.. but will things be better for him here? Has it been better for you? Has it been worse? Has it been the same?

How should I answer that question?

Merhaba....

Well, I was in a little bit of a similar situation with my husband, except I met him in Turkey and had been living there for quite a long time. He had never been to the US either, but after many long talks, we had decided that we would try life in the US and see how it compared to Turkey. At the time that we applied for his visa, we had no idea that the US economy would be so bad. Had we known, I don't think we would have left Turkey when we did. It has been almost a year since we have been in the US and my husband is still not working, though it's not for lack of trying. He has applied for literally hundreds of jobs (he works in IT) and in the meantime, has been taking classes at one of the local colleges. We're both trying to network him into a job or internship, but it has been slow going. He speaks almost fluent English, so that's not something that has held him back at all.

The positives for him have been interesting... anything from how friendly people are (and yes, that's true! I forgot how chatty and friendly most Americans are until we moved back!), since he loves going to the supermarket and chatting with the butchers, the sushi chefs, and bakers; to how polite most people are when they're driving. He walks a lot and has been surprised at how thoughtful and polite people are (vs. crazy driving in Turkey!), like they let you cross the street without any problems, or drivers stopping to let you cross. He has been happily surprised with how few people smoke and how clean most places are. When we go to the beach here in California, it's clean -- it's not like going to the Black Sea, where families just leave their trash and the beaches are strewn with litter. One of his biggest fears before coming was whether or not people would judge him for being Turkish. I always told him that most Americans have no idea what to think about Turkey and so that most people would just be curious. He didn't really believe me until we were here and he saw how many immigrants and people from all over the world live here. We're in the Bay Area, so it's quite international, and that makes him feel really good. He's not alone and he's not judged for being from a different place. He also feels like a huge weight has been lifted by us moving here.... um... I guess about my safety? He and his family were always worried about me when we were living in Istanbul and were afraid something bad might happen to me. I never felt unsafe there and really knew my way around, but it is a HUGE city and a lot of bad things do happen. I think it was a major source of anxiety for my husband, but that has completely changed since being in the US. He has been so impressed and pleased with how women are treated here and how people, in general, are very respectful to one another. When he first saw women jogging down the street here (this was a VERY rare sight in Istanbul!) he remarked on how great it was that they could just jog and go about their business without anyone bothering them. It's true, and while I never really had anything bad happen to me (as a woman) in Turkey, there were a lot of things you just didn't do... wear shorts, jog, randomly talk to people without having it mean anything, etc.

The negatives have been the job situation, missing Turkey -- his family and friends, and kind of having a slow go at making friends here. There are a lot of Turkish groups around. I'm not sure where you live, but here there are some Turkish social groups that meet every month. The next one is October 29th (a very important day for Turks!) and I think he'll go alone. He misses speaking Turkish and I would really be happy if he found friends there to connect with. The problem is that he has a lot of doubt in Turkish people and isn't really interested in meeting with them much.

So..... I don't know. There are a lot of good things about moving to the US, but there are also a lot of bad things, too. I know I miss Turkey like a crazy person and if we somehow won the lottery, I would move back in a heartbeat. I'm happy to be working less and making more money here, but it's also very dull and every town seems like the same McDonalds/Wal-Mart/Target/KFC strip mall, like that's the only thing that's important in the US. I miss not having to drive. My husband does not want to drive, but he has to. In Turkey, we never worried about not having a car!

In the end, there are a ton of pros and cons for both, but it depends on what is important. Try to find a group for him to network with and speak Turkish with. I found every single Turkish supermarket in the Bay Area and we go there sometimes to buy Turkish foods. If you don't have access to anything like that, order foods online from Tulumba.com or other sites. Learn how to make a good Turkish breakfast. Try to get his family in Turkey hooked up with Skype, or if not, just call their home using Skype from the US (so cheap!). If he feels like he can always reach them, that means a lot.

OK... sorry for the novella. I don't really know your situation or where you live, but I hope this is helpful for you. I'm happy to answer any questions you might have, just PM me!

Hello Camistanbul and everyone,

Your message is very informative and answered several questions that comes to mind. I just recently sent my I-130 and I am excited at the same time anxious of what will be the next step to do. Either I have more papers to send them to complete the application or what I've sent was just perfect. I was married in Izmir, Turkey last July 9th. My life style made my action a little behind in sending my application but I'm sure things will turn out just fine. I like this site and group, I've learnt so much and I feel that I am not alone doing the legalities of getting my husband to be in the US.

Thanks...

Belle