pittman1971
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Posts posted by pittman1971
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Hi all
My wife and I have been married almost 2 years, she is from Mexico. We went through the whole immigration process and she was able to come here this past November. This is her 2nd time living here but she is having a very difficult time adjusting. It seems that every other day she wants to leave, go to Mexico or Memphis Tn. In short our problems started in January after her mom went back to Mexico after a month visiting here. We have a son together, he is 18 months old and a daddy's boy. Well it seems for the past few months my wife has been planning on leaving for good. We had both agreed on my step-daughter and my son going to Mexico for the summer with her family. Then all of a sudden she wanted to go, I said OK are you coming back? Her answer was I don't know, well of course I added a little heat to the fire. I told her she could go but my son stays here. A few weeks passed with no arguments and then she asked me to take her and the kids to Memphis to fly out to Mexico City. I let her know again my son stays. I then asked her why Memphis and not AEX. Her reply was her mother was flying to Memphis to take her cousin something and that she wanted to fly from Memphis so her mom can help with the kids. To make this short, one day we were talking about our marriage problems. I asked her to cancel her trip to Mexico so we could try and fix the problems. The 1st words out of her mouth were, I can't because my family already paid 1500 dollars on 1 way tickets. She said she wanted to go back there is nothing here for her. I went to work the next day, when I got home I noticed she had luggage packed. I then picked my son up and went to a friends. The next day my attorney got the emergency custody paperwork in order and signed by the judge. My wife was served the divorce/ emergency custody papers about 5 days later. I was advised not to let her know where I was with our son due to her possibly trying to take him out of the country. Well after she got the papers I called her and let her see our son for a few hours. By day 9 I was at our home taking care of yardwork while our son stayed with my wife and sister in the house. Later my wife came outside and we talked about what was happening. She said she does not want a divorce, I explained to her that paperwork was the only thing I could file to have emergency custody of our son. My wife then asked me what will it take for us to stay together? I told her to sign full custody of our son over to me and we can work on it from there. The next day we were at my attorney's and she signed full custody over to me. We have been back together for 10 days now. For the 1st 6-7 days everything seemed great but now I can see her changing again. She has asked me almost everyday to have the custody papers cancelled. Well when she asks that I feel like she is playing a game, biding her time until she can get him out of the country. As for me I love my wife and kids and want things to work but at the same time I need to protect my son. I will never cancel the custody papers and if she wants she can leave. I will even buy her another 1 way ticket if she so chooses.
Anyone else having problems?
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Not to sound like amateur psychiatry hour but you might want to read up on the possibility of her having bipolar disorder. It sounds like she has some of the symptoms (spending issues, taking off with strangers, depression, etc.).
I agree. I lived with someone who had bipolar disorder. When she was in her mania, she would spend crazy amounts of money and invite total strangers over to the house. I attend support meetings for my depression with a group called DRADA. There are several bipolar members and all of them have been hospitalized at some point in their life. As out there as that may sound, it's the thing some people need to put the brakes on an out of control situation and get going on the right track. Until then, she more than likely is a danger to herself, you, and most importantly, the children. To those people who just assume she doesn't love/care about them...let me tell you, a mental disorder can cause you to do many things uncharacteristic of a loving/caring person, but that does not reflect your true feelings or intentions. I don't think he's crazy to want to stay with her and work things out-actually you may be the best thing to ever happen to her. By the way, something such as a move is a traumatic life experience that can certainly trigger what I call "episodes"...when the mental illness manifests itself.
Thanks for your reply MissLiss
I have been reading about many types of depression. My thoughts are bi-polar, I read about the smptoms, my I wrote down several that fit my wife.
On this site I've explained many things that I think or see happening. Its great to have feeback from everyone, it really helps me to desiminate the problems.
I spoke to someone today that has been through the post-pardum. She told me it was very difficult for her and her family. I explained some of what my wife does and she said it could be post-pardum or bi-polar. She also advised against my wife taking Prozac.
Yesterday evening my wife was doing really well. I was talking to her and she said she is trying very hard to make everything work but that sometimes she cannot control what she is doing. As far as where we live, that has been discussed. We both agree we want to be closer to the city but it will take at least 1 year before we can make that move. We also talked about renting a home in town but she would prefer to buy, that makes it a little more difficult being that we just purchased our home in September 2005. I told her I had no problem moving back to Memphis or staying here. The only problem is I have 2 government contracts that will not expire for another year. Also in Memphis I will lose about 40k a year and it does cost quite a bit more to live there. If we can save enough for the next 1-2 years, possibly pay cash for a small home then I would not worry about it so much. I feel like I'm looking out for the best interests of my family by planning ahead. I never have been one to jump right into something without thinking about it 1st. I was 32 years old when I met and married my wife, this is my 1st time being married.
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I honestly don't know what to say, Pittman...and only you have the answers to this whole mess. But I have to ask you: how would you feel had you not been able to locate her and the children? You got off very lucky this time. And if you are seriously questioning her sanity, how can you in good conscience keep her close to your son?
I will take everything 1 day at a time.
As for knowing where she may go, I have the address and phone numbers of all her relatives and friends in the states and in Mexico. This information has been put on file at my attorney's office.
With the depression problems she will not be alone with any of the children until I or the doctor feels she is better. I take them everywhere with me, to school, family. I have had a meeting with my wife's company and my daughter's school. If my wife goes to the school to check my daughter out or pick her up then I or another family member will receive a phone call. Her employer is very concerned about my wife's depression and said they will let me know anytime something is strange. I let my wife know all of this, I'm not doing this behind her back. I told her that we needed this until she gets better, she somewhat agreed.
It is going to take awhile for me to trust her alone with the kid's.
I know there is always a possibility that she can run again but I'm well prepared this time.
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Hi Everyone
Here is an update of the situation.
It has been a very interesting week and weekend. This past Wednesday, Feb.8th my wife came home from work. I asked how her day was, she smiled and said good. Later that evening her mood went from good to bad, she started complaining about everything for about 20 minutes then she was in a good mood again. Well the next morning we got up, getting ready to go to work. She said she was staying home with our son because he was sick and that she would take our daughter to school. Well dummy me I said Okay see you this afternoon. I went to the office and her company called me at 8am. They said is your wife ok, at this time they did not know she was not at work. Well I said what do you mean? They said she was crying at work yesterday, I said shew seemed fine. I told them she would not be coming in that day due to our son being sick. She neglected to call them. They in turn called her at home then called me back to tell me everything was ok. I left it at that, went to a couple of meetings and then to lunch. When I returned from lunch I tried calling my wife at home, cell and no answers. I tried at least 6 times within 1.5 hours. I then called my daughters school, she never went to school. Well I then went to my home and found a note, you know (Toby Keith's) Big Blue Note she and the kids were gone to Memphis, sorry claus. I let my family know and Friday I gave an attorney 1500 to start an emergency custody filing for my son. I gave him the address she was at and Monday was supposed to be the day the papers would be given to her by the police.
By Friday evening my wife called me, she said she was confused, did not know why she left. She wanted to know if I would take her back, if I can trust her again. I told her to make sure she really wanted to come back and to let me know Saturday morning. I called her Saturday and she said please come get us, so I did.
We talked about her actions and her depression. Yesterday I took her to a doctor, he spoke with her for almost 2 hours, I was with her the whole time. There was really no negatives about me coming from her. She explained many things to him that she had not spoken to me about. Things that she did in Mexico like hitting her daughter and not knowing why she did it. The doctor said she is suffering partly from poatpardun psychosis along with being stressed about moving here having no hispanics close to her. He prescibed Prozac and Xanex to try and help her.
I think she has some serious mental issues right now.
Would a sain person do this?
None of her family helped her get to Memphis, she just showed up. They were mad and told her she should be with her husband.
She went to Memphis with a couple that she met in Walmart last week. That is very stupid, she risked her life and the lives of our children by riding 400 miles in a vehicle with someone she met in Walmart.
I guess thats all I have for now, will being trying the medication, if that does not work then we will probably be done. This has put a severe strain on all of my and her family.
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Does your family speak or understand Spanish? How 'bout you? And your wife and her family presently here in the states; do they speak or understand English? How did you two get along and understand each other during your dating days? Did you have many problems and disagreements back then? If so; are they still the same now or different than before? Did she pressure you into marriage? Were you truly ready for it? Once married; did she pressure you into doing the USCIS' paperwork for her asap?
According to your original post pittman, you recognize the very 1st red flag in your relationship and eventual marriage perhaps being sketchy from the very beginning, by acknowledging that as soon as your now wife asked you about "US citizenship" and "marriage" while you were still dating, her offering you $2,000 to marry her right afterwards did not only bothered you greatly, it also made you feel uneasy and apparently hurt you so much to the point of you breaking up with her for a month with no contact whatsover, in order to get your point accross. From what I gathered reading your post, marrying someone out of convenience and/or for money instead of for true love goes against your morals, values, beliefs and convictions. Even though you strongly opposed her proposal and didn't agree with it, you still went ahead and married her 8 mos. later anyway.
We as humans tend to block and neither want to see, nor in the grand scheme of things acknowledge and accept obvious things, when blindly in-love.
I highly doubt your parents will be able to either read your wife or her family. Of all the people in the world, I would consider your parents the last and least ones they would talk about, much less raise a possible red flag with in regards to any hidden agendas they "may" have. Making a good impression to try winning them over is what I think they'd try to accomplish instead. I'm pretty sure they by now know you've mentioned your wife's and her family's suspicions to your parents. If they do accomplish winning them over whether ulterior motives exist or not, they will get away with whatever it is they "may" have in mind.
I think that you getting everything off your chest by posting here, then re-reading and analyzing your posts over and over again has made you see things from a different perspective.
If that's the case, then you need to not only continue looking over your posts, but more than anything at her words and actions, instead of leaving it all up for your parents to figure out. Although they might see and/or perceive things differently than you (b/c in reality, parents always know and want what's best for you, since you will always be their baby son), at the end of each day, it is still you living and going to bed with your wife, not them. Before you got married; did they warn or advice you to possibly "be careful" of her motives all along, or did they just let you "do your own thing" w/o getting involved much? What kind of marriage was it? Court or church, with both families present?
On your last post before the above one, you seemed pretty confident and sure things were going to finally work out between the two of you in erasing whatever bad intention(s) you think she has with you. It looked as if things had finally been settled, when you two reached the agreement of positively working on your marriage, going as far as attending marriage counseling sessions in order to succeed. The fact it was coming from her was more convincing, since all along it had been you instead wanting to salvage your marriage.
But, here you are, wary of and doubting your wife's intention(s) all over again, over a couple of disagreements and conversations you've both had in the last three days.
Apparently she's said and/or done things since then that have made you suspicious and not trust her again whatsoever. What have those disagreements been, just out of curiosity? What has she said and done lately that has you feeling like this all over again? Remember, actions always speak louder than words, although heeding and paying attention to them is never a bad thing.
If you can't seem to trust your wife any longer, believe you me, it will be very hard for you to overcome your suspicions and/or fears at this point and you will continue to be and stay on your guard. Seems to me like you're now trying to buy time in order to figure her out and really get to know her, when this should've been done for a while and way before marrying. On the other hand, she might also be doing the same thing, trying to buy time either to get to know you better, or get what she wants (i.e. the green card).
Now let's play devil's advocate for a moment instead. Maybe what she needs in order to feel good and assimilate to life here in the states, is have her family from Memphis visit her in LA every now and then and vice-versa. If this is the case, now that she's working she should be able to at least pay for her and/or her family's travel expenses as well back and forth, if necessary.
You will never find out the truth, but again, it is up to you to decide at this point if you want to continue living in doubt or not. If you want to see if the marriage is "bona fide" or not.
At least from you, I know it is.
I feel for you, since I've been in your shoes before (trust and real intention(s) issues). In my case, my Argentinian ex-wife DID marry me fraudulently. Thank God she's gone and didn't get a green card through me though.
Thanks for your post, I read all posts over and over.
This past weekend everything went well sort of. My parents were not the family that came over. My cousins, her husband and brothers came. We had a great time, my wife's brothers had a great time with us also but my wife did'nt hardly speak to my family or me. That was on Saturday. My suspisions are very on high alert, I do not trust her right now. Now what I'm about to tell you is really ignorance on her part. I did not say dumb or stupid but ignorant. Saturday morning 7:30 a.m my cousin Sheila calls to see how we were doing, I said good. I told her my brother-in-laws did not come in last night but to come on over for the cook-out. Well as soon as I hung up the phone I told my wife to call her brothers to make sure they are OK because we were expecting them 10pm Friday night. Her response was your lying to me. I'm like what do you mean. She said you told your cousin my brothers were here and your telling me they are not. Okay #1 why is she listening to my phone conversation. She did'nt hear the entire conversation, by the way my wife and her brothers do speak and understand english well. I told her I didn't understand what she was talking about. I said what does it matter if I did tell Sheila whether my brother-in-laws are here or not. Well a few minutes later I went to the living room and there they were, they came in at 11pm when we were in bed My wife would not speak to me. I got her into the kitchen and tried to make since of what was going through her head. She said you lied to me just like last Monday when you said you would take legal action against me and my family if I leave with your son. Well that conversation has been through my mind a million times already.
Anyway Saturday turned out to be a great day, I asked her brothers if they would consider moving here to be close to Claudia. One brother said yes because he lives in Vicksburg MS and no family with him. My wife seemed pretty happy about that. I really hope if he does move here it will help her. I know she needs her family to.
Saturday night about 930pm my wife made me a little mad. I was helping her clean the kitchen floor, I told her how much I appreciated her helping with cleaning up during the party. She would not look at me or answer me, 3 times I said this. Her brother then said something to her and she answered him, thats when I got mad. I did not say anything to her, I did not want an argument. I left her alone the rest of the night. At this point I really feel she is staying is because I told her what legal action I would take to keep my son, I hope I'm wrong.
Here is another disagreement we had Friday. We were on our way to a restaurant, I told her I got my check and paid all the bills. I asked her to pay the 45 dollars she charged to my mom's Chevron card when the bill comes in next month. She got mad and said what else to you want me to pay. Well I did not get mad but thought wow how selfish of her. She does not want to put our money in the same account and does not want to help pay bills. I don't have any problem paying the bills but it would be nice to have a wife that is concerned about how the bills get paid. As of now the bills that I pay are $2370 per month before fuel, entertainment or medical costs. Now I told her all I wanted her to pay was her van note $236.5, van insurance $50 and her fuel. Thats not asking much is it? I thought when people get married then you are like one person, not in my marriage. I should have seen this coming. Oh by the way I gave in and told her I would pay the Chevron charge she made. I really want our marriage to work but its not looking good.
Actualy yesterday I was kind of hopeing she would leave with her brothers but she stayed.
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If your not already married since your talking about a wedding this year in May. You can just apply for a Fiance visa thats the fastest way to prevent separation any longer then needed.
Yeah we thought about that option, but decided on getting married in the UK instead. He's already got his marriage visa, and we gave notice of marriage in January. Everything is booked for the wedding in May, and friends and family have booked their flights, so we are going ahead with it over here now.
I would apply for everything myself following the guides etc, but Jason would prefer to get a lawyer to sort things out for us.....we both seem to be very unlucky in everything we do, so we are going to leave it to the "professionals" lol
Andrea
andie&jase
I did not use an attorney, I used Immigrant's Services out of Memphis TN. They can fill out all the forms for you. This will not speed up the process but they know what they are doing. I think my total bill with them was less than $500. I had them do the papers for the CR1.
Immigrant's Services
Phone- 901-683-9905
Address: 836 Virginia Run Cove
Memphis, TN. 38122
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lol - guys, you two are lovely and wise people - don't you worry about jumping to conclusions, because you know what? You only had a certain amount of info to go by and did so in a respectful and kind manner
(F) (I am thinking of certain people here who can be REALLY abrupt and unkind, and you two aint them )Thanks for the kind words JayJay, but sometimes I need a good slap upside the head & remind me that I don't know the full story!
I can be pretty opinionated at times
But trying to judge a whole marriage based on just a full posts is kinda ignorant of me...no matter what it sounds like in my head...so I'ma defer to the OP & hope he knows what he's doing & hope it all works out for the bestHi again everyone
This weekend will be the real test. Since this past Tuesday everything has been going great except for a couple of disagreements. Today her brother and cousin are coming in from Memphis. I just hope that she is not being good to me just to make me blind as to what she may do. Will she go or stay?, we shall see. My family will be over tommorow while they are here. I will be grilling outside while they try to read whats going on. I'm sorry but I really don't trust my wife at this point. That was part of our disagreements this week. This week she has shown me the love and attention like when we 1st married, I'm happy with that. The problem is I'm a little parenoid at this point, I do not fear her or her family but worry for my son.
Thanks again for all of your posts.
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Aha dawnnhatem! I was about to say the same kind of thing there!
Thing is this: while it's really, really easy to jump to conclusions over some people's actions, the truth is that people's actions, whatever they may be are influenced very deeply by the inner workings of their brain.
Sometimes, what might look like a blatant case of using may well not be so. Take for example an imaginary character Mary: Mary has asked her husband for a lot of money in the last few months, then more money again as she abruptly runs out all of a sudden, and then again. What could be going on? Well it's actually quite hard to ascertain...
1) Mary is staying somewhere in a hotel, paying for room and board, food, clothing, nappies etc and taxi rides and bus fares etc for herself and her little baby.
2) Mary has a shopping habit. A really big shopping habit - this happens an awful lot, ya know! It's pretty much an addiction, fueled by boredom, wanting a "place" and "things" for yourself (which would fit in rather well as an alien in the States), as well as other factors like family influence and type of childhood.
There could be tons of other reasons as well, as to why someone would require a lot of money on a monthly basis. One really cannot jump to a conclusion about that...
Ok - now onto the $2000 she offered you to marry her. Now I may be taking a giant leap here but there MUST have been a good reason for her to get out of Mexico and come to America. Why was that? What was she running away from there? Paying someone $2000 is a LOT of money to leave a place... And if she DID come here to escape something, does that necessarily mean that she doesn't love you? I don't think it's that clear cut, and I do think that saying it is would be really damaging - you can never, ever know exactly what's in someone's heart, especially not when they're as stressed out as your wife sounds, and in such an awkward situation.
It's NOT easy adjusting. Not easy at all...cultural differences come and hit you smack in the mouth when you least expect them to. I've found myself overwhelmed and feeling like a little kid on more than one occasion. My husband was riddled with guilt for keeping me here, became stressed and simultaneously wanted to fix things. We stopped smiling, laughing, cuddling and feeling close - even talking for a while, while this was going on. It felt for a little bit, like we were strangers. Do we love each other? Absolutely! Were we scared? Yes. Were we silly and childish sometimes in the ways that we acted that stress out? Yes. Did we want to be together? More than anything.
I would seriously suggest some counselling for you two - you know, you can have that not only with a therapist but also online, and obviously at a church as well. I also have a book recommendation for you which I honestly think BOTH of you should read that you can find here:
"Do I Have to Give Up Me to be Loved by You?"
It's by two married...marriage counsellors and is the best book on learning to communicate and understand another person, that I've ever read. Give that a shot - you will be pleasantly surprised, I guarantee it.
Here's the thing: she's agreed to go to counselling with you. That's a good thing. You want this, so what the hey - go after it. If you DO NOT go after this, you will regret it - whether or not she's "using you". That's the funny thing about life.
Nobody ever said marriage would be simple. Two people need to listen - really LISTEN to each other and accept what the other feels - whether it be about raising children, or moving to Memphis. You need to feel loved, she needs to feel loved and BOTH of you need to feel that your values, opinions and beliefs about all things are taken into account, thought about and considered by the other person. When your emotions STOP affecting her, and vice-versa, you've hit a stumbling block that should be deal with.
People are complex things: communication doesn't always come at the drop of a hat - if you have perfect communication in your marriage than lucky, lucky you - a lot of people around are dragging remnants of childhood, fears, insecurities, secrets and lies around like bits of concrete on chains from their feet. Communication can be hard, but here's the thing:- she's not "emotionless" or "cold" or "evil" - she has her reasons for doing everything, and if she's wanting to really talk to you, here's your chance to help her out for real - by listening, understanding and healing, you're in with a real shot of finding out why she's been so scared of being close to you these last few months, and I very much hope that you two can find the friendship and intimate love you once shared, on an even deeper level once again
(F) JayJay
I believe you hit it right on the money. The last 2 days since she has started her job we have grown closer and communicating better. Its almost like when we were 1st married. I hope our marrieage keeps improving.
Thanks for your post
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dawnnhatem
You have a good point, I have already considered that. My wife also lived in Louisiana a short time before going back to Mexico. She liked it here then. At that time she only had 1 cousin in Memphis that she never saw. When we discussed living and raising our children here she was excited because of my family and people in the area. In the last couple of days we have discussed moving into the city here or possibly Memphis if we can find good employment. Monday she started work at her 1st job here in LA. Everyday seems to be getting better, this morning she could not say enough good things about her job and the people she works with. She is finally meeting new people other than the people I have introduced her to. I believe that has helped her a lot. I know its a challenge moving from a big city to almost nothing, I did the same thing. The benefit I have had is everybody speaks english when she is not as fluent as most. I have introduced her to several hispanic people in the area and she sometimes speaks to them. When we lived in Memphis she was not always happy either, she never had friends or family come see her. Her motto was if they cannot come see me then I will not go to them. I do not aggree with that because her friends have children and its not always easy to go places with little ones. When we lived in memphis her daughter was in Mexico and our son was not born yet, so it was much easier for us to go about. In our discussions the biggest stresses for her have been learning to take care of the children by herself. Her family in mexico took care of her daughter all her life and when my son was born the same. This is the 1st time only her. Another thing she does not like to stay home all day, can't blame her there, it can get boring. I can see a definate change in her since she started working, she works 7a-4p M-F less than 2 miles from my office. in Memphis she would have to work 3rd shift as is normal for someone starting out. That would take a lot of time away from the family.
This morning she said she wished her brothers could move here from Memphis. There has always been an open invitation at our home if they want to do that. I reassured her of that this morning.
We have also decided to see a doctor and marriage counseler to see if we can hash out our problems. I know I'm not perfect but who is. The doctor will be checking her thyroids and depression problems. She has always had a problem with depression and anxiaty in Memphis, mexico and here in Louisiana. I've seen 1st hand, she is happy one minute then can go into a rage the next or just sit there and stare. I've noticed that she seems to have memory lapses, things she or I had done like 2 days ago she does not remember. I find that quite strange, thats why I want her to see a doctor. I can not diagnose because I am not a doctor. I can only see whats happening.
As far as if she still wants to leave then I will still have to stay here. It is impossible for me to move now. I have a government contract to fulfill, home to pay for. If I do not fulfill my contract I can be sued and then not beable to receive any more contracts. Its not always as easy as it seems to jump up and move. Please remember these decisions to live here, buy a home, take this contract were both mine and my wife's decision. As we are adults we have a reponsibility to stand by our word. Who knows even if we did go to memphis now would she then say I want to move too California where more of her family lives. We cannot keep uprooting everytime she is unhappy. That would lead to a very unstable life for our children. I know this because my mother moved our family at least 6 times when I was a child. We moved from Memphis to Houston to Louisiana then we reversed that process again except we did not go back to Memphis. I want stability for my family.
Thanks everyone for your posts. I am still keeping my guard up justm in case things change, but I'm hoping for the best.
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I spoke to my wife for awhile last night about her intentions. I asked her to go to marriage counseling with me to try and work things out. She said she would do that. Her complaints are we live to far from the city, 29 miles. She said when she is upset with me she has no one here to talk to, I can simpithize but she knew that before she came here. I also told her that love should overcome any ostactle in front of us. If she truly loves me as she has said then we can work through this. On the other hand if she has truly married me in fraud then it will not work. I'm kind of on the fence about that, probably because I love her and the kids with all my heart. Its so much easier for us to be looking in from the other side when its not your heart on the line. I'm not saying thats a bad thing its actually helped me look at the big picture more clearly.
I think I gave her a scare yesterday because I asked her how she was going to explain to her daughter why her brother was not coming with them. I informed her that my son cannot leave the state of Louisiana, and if she does I will take legal action. I'm not a vindictive person but I have a son that I want to keep. I will do whatever it takes to do that. I told her if she takes my son to be expecting a police officer and an INS agent at her brother's door in Memphis. Her brother and cousin are illegal. I do not want to do that but my son comes before anyone else. She said I was wrong because she does not want the law or INS involved. I explained there would be no other choice. She would be desserting her husband after only being here for 2 months.
Well anyway today she went to work 2nd day on new job, seems very happy, of course that could be an act.
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Honestly it sounds like she was using you for money from the very beginning. I'm surprised you fell for that. But regardless, you're now going to have to prove that YOU did not enter into this marriage for the purposes of getting her a green card - which may be hard to do given the fact that you declared here that she flat out offered you $ before you ever got married.
You need to get a very very good immigration attorney (not to mention divorce attorney).
Hmmm. If he alleges she married solely for immigration benefit, the onus is on her to disprove. I don't believe the USC has to prove anything other than his suspicion has merit.
Thanks everyone for your replys.
I may sound ignorant but I really want to make this marriage work because I do love her even with all that has happened. I guess love is blind. I am only human and can only put up with so much, when I feel there is no more hope and if she goes then my only choice will be divorce.
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You allege a marriage for immigration benefits and yet she has your baby? That leaves a funny taste in my mouth since a baby is typically not what a woman that marries solely for immigration benefits makes part of the equation.
The baby was not planned, she did not want a baby. When we were 1st married we lived in Memphis, she got pregnant. She had to go back to Mexico to see her daughter that she had not seen in 2 years. Our baby was born in Mexico City. I had to go there, have DNA tests done to make him a US citizen.
The reason I beleive this could possibly be a fraudulant marriage is her actions before and after the marriage.
When we 1st met, only friends she asked how she could become a US citizen. My answer was she would have to marry a US citizen. Well she then offered me 2 thousand. I said no, I only marry for love not money and I didn't speak to her for about a month.We started talking again, started dating then married after 8 months. We had what I call normal marital problems from the beginning. Example: Shortly after married she lost her job, 1 month went by and we were behind on bills. I was trying to pay everything but was unable to do so. She finally got another job, I asked her to help me catch up on the car notes, by this time we were 2 months in the red. Instead of helping me she sent more than 1000 dollars to her parents in mexico for her daughter. We lost the cars. I did not have a problem with that at the time because I thought her family was poor. I finally met her family in Sept 2004 and they have an 8 bed home in Mexico City, her father is head accountant for a company and her sister an accountant under him. I do not beleive they are poor. When my wife was staying in mexico 1.5 years while I filed all the immigration paperwork, I was sending her 500 each month. She did not have to pay any bills other than take care of our kids ( My son and Step-daughter ) The problem is she would spend that money rather fast and then borrow from her family. She maxed out her sisters visa card with her permission. I went there 11 times and each time I had to pay her family money for what she had spent.
Now here is another example: On August 17th, 2005 my wife called me and said she was crossing the border illegal again because she had no money. In July i was there and gave her 500 plus bought enough diapers for the month. She wanted to cross the border and go to memphis for work. Well I'm in Louisiana, I asked her why not come to Louisiana. She said she had a job in Memphis and would come see me when she could. I was in a panic and sent her 710 dollars, she stayed in mexico. On September 10th I was back in mexico and she had no money. I asked what happened to the money I sent, she said she owed it to her mom. I find that strange that in a months time she spent 500 and then had to borrow another 710. She had no bills.
In december she was here in my office and we were going over the budget, asking each other questions. I asked her how she spent 500 each month when it was only costing about 220 for the children. Her reply was she was buying groceries and helping her other sister out. I am okay with helping family but I was struggling here to pay bills , pay for immigration and send them money.
I truly do not want to call this a fraudulant marriage but her actions are showing me different. She has been here to months , shows me no love and totaly disrespects me. It was not like that when we 1st got married.
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Tell her to leave without her son, and see what she sez...
I agree. Maybe she won't be so anxious to go then.
Often, even a full-custodial parent has to demonstrate legitimate reason to remove a child to another state.
I believe if I tell her my son must stay that she will also stay. I do not want that be the reason for her staying with me, because she will not be happy. I'm not going to use my son as leverage to keep her. I'm just not going to stay married to her if she does not love me. I have contacted an attorney to see what my options are because I want full custody. If she moves to Memphis, she will be living with her cousin and a brother that are illegally here in the USA. If we divorce according to the INS laws she is subject to be deported. I do not want that because of our son. I wish she would at least try or tell me the truth that she married me for legal status.
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I need some help.
I married my wife in September 2004 in Mexico City. We went through the immigration process and she has been here since November 20th 2005. Only 2 months here in Louisiana and she says she is unhappy with me and her life here. I have tried everything to please her but she keeps giving me hell. She has been wanting to move to Memphis, TN since she got here. The problem is I bought a home here in September as per her request, have a great job, great pay, cannot make this money in Memphis. Homes like ours in Memphis are triple the price. She does not want me with her, she wants to get away, thats why I thinks its a fraudulant marriage. On the way to work this morning I took her to her new job, 1st day there. We were talking and she said how unhappy she was here. I tried to explain that its a cultural shock because she went from a big family in Mexico to no family here, she does not agree. Finally I told her that me and my family have done everything we can to make her comfortable and I do not know what else to do. I bought us a home, her a van, helped her get a job, drivers license and legal residency. Close to the end of the conversation I told her wanted her to be happy and that if her going to Memphis will do that then she can. Her response was, can I go Friday and can I take my papers, ( immigration papers ). I asked her to stay and try to adjust but she does not want to, I believe she had this planned all along. The problem is we have a son 14 months, can I get custody of him?
Someone please help
Difficult being married. Not adjusting well.
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