depair

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

I agree with Danu....my fiance and I went half on the cost for the application, and he will pay for his medical and any other cost that may occur on his end. He is also moving into a room at the end of July and getting rid of the HOUSE he is renting to save money. He told me he wants to have some money saved up once he gets here, of course we have a son together. I know it has to be very hard on him to be away from Dylan. He has managed to visit every couple of months. It sounds to me as if your not sure and I would advise on withdrawing your petition....I'm not gonna say you are crazy, just confused. I do agree that you need to take time out and re-evaluate. GOOD LUCK!!

Thank you. I talked to him regarding the costs for these things. His response is that his brother will lend him the money, but he has not confirmed that he talked to his brother yet. He did say that part of this he will not need until he is in the US. I said that I am not in he financial position to pay for his AOS fees when he comes. I said that it is better that he has that money before he gets here cause otherwise we will be very unhappy if I cannot come up with that then. I also said to him that my perm job will end on 07.01.09 and that I have only found a temp job to start on 07.06.09. His first response was only what about the affidavit of support, not what will you do 4 your kids. I was so hurt to hear that from him. I asked him that maybe we should slow down and withdraw the k-1. He said no of course. He still only focused on the affidavit of support.

Sorry for being rude for your friend,,

If I am the American girl, I made the right decision to not marry him because by your sounds, he really just want to come here in USA for VISA not love for his fiancee.. Bid Red Flag over here!!!!

That maybe the case, but I think that there are details of this that we cannot see. If the beneficiary does not marry the petitioner that the beneficiary must go to his homeland, end of story. My other concern would be that this person cannot reapply again for a k-1 in two years at least.

Wow.... to be honest... if my fiance had said to me that I would have to come up with the money to support myself my first few months in the U.S. or else don't bother coming because he's not willing to help me financially (clearly I'm paraphrasing)... we'd definitely have just called it off, because a) it's not happening, and B ) clearly he's not on my 'team'... so to speak. There's NO WAY that I would be able to come up with enough funds to cover my expenses, plus pay for moving, plus pay for immigration paperwork... etc etc...... (That being said, personally I am paying as much as I possibly can into the moving and immigration... and getting a job ASAP when I get my EAD... I will THEN be able to contribute financially to the marriage... but given my current situation.. i.e. living pay check to paycheck... I seriously find it impossible to save money.. and trust me... I do NOT live large, and I HAVE tried to save money... I just can't with my low income, and expenses)... If your fiance's situation is anything like mine (and I don't know what it is, so I'm guessing)... I think you're expecting a lot out of him. You're asking him to pull money out of his #### basically....

Marriage is TEAMWORK, and supporting EACH OTHER. If HE is not willing to get a job ASAP when he CAN legally in the U.S. and plans on being a bum for the rest of his life feeding off of you, that's one thing, but that's not the issue at stake I don't think. The issue is that you are unwilling to help him out during his first few months here when he can't legally work. EVERYONE going through the K-1 process is put into the situation where one spouse works, and the other legally can not, so clearly some support has to be happening there.... Yeah, you have kids, but I'm sorry but I say 'so what'... clearly you don't love him enough to do whatever it takes to be with him.

That's just my honest 2 cents.

Thanks for your honesty. I understand what you are saying. I am concerned that he will not have at least half of the cost for the application for his permenant residency. That I cannot afford. I realize that sounds like I do not care enough for him, but my reality is that I need to think of my children. I can support him while he is looking for work but I just need some kind of contingency plan that I cannot get him to talk about. I am not saying that I will not support him during that time, but if I am right the cost for his AOS is around 1034. That I cannot pay for. I understand completely the cost that he will have to pay for his medical exam, crimminal clearences, visa, and travel expenses. I am only one person. I maybe having cold feet because of past experiences with my ex.. Which is past baggage that is my problem. The phrase to do whatever it takes is way too broad. I have to do whatever it takes to provide a good home for my kids first then a man. He has two businesses in his country. It just would be nice to have him discuss honestly his financial situation now instead of later. Please reread my statement: I said that I wish that I could say that to him, but I will not say that. Really, I wish you the best in your journey.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

I understand your situation. When you petition the USA Government to bring someone here, you are the source of their finanaces. I think if I were in your situation this is what I would do. First decide if you really love this person, then if the answer is yes can this person come up with money up front? If he is willing, but does not have the money then wait until you have the money and have some talks on the financial end of all this. It will be awhile for him to find work.

There is nothing wrong with waiting to sort things out.

God bless and good luck.

Thanks. The primary problem is that he has not given me a plan that has any tangible quality to it. For him to simply say that he will borrow money is not enough. You are right, he needs to have some money to bring with him to avoid undue stressors in the first months that he is here.

I agree that this process is hard on relationships. I am trying to consider the alternatives while being fair to all involved. I am just trying to find a way to get some real answers from my fiancee without sounding like a A-typical demanding woman. The idea that I will support him for three months is not my only concern, but I am afraid that he will not have money for all those fees to start our lives here. If I must sacrifice his love to maintain a sense of security for my children, then that is what I need to do. I pray tha he is receptive to a hard talk of the realities that we will face upon his entry to the US.

Thanks

its not a problem at all dear. On the plus side for you, if he is not able to have this kind of talk, no matter how hard it may be, it will make it easier on you knowing he is not 100% willing to do WHATEVER it takes to make everything work. You are right, finances are one of the top reasons for divorce, communication is the other. You definately need to be able to communicate with this man on many fronts, one other to consider is the issue of the kids themselves, understanding how your family life works and talking about how you will raise them and the rules. There are so many things for you to consider, I hope that he will be open to talking about everything with you and coming up with a plan, but if not, take solice that he was probably not right for you.

Thanks, I have tried a couple of ways to approach him with this talk but really it does not satisfy my quest. He says that he understands about my children and says that he will find the money, but does not give me a tangible plan. He says that he will take a loan from his family but as far as I know he has not talked with him regarding that. I so much want to just say to him that either he has the money to support himself here until he finds work or don't come. I am afraid of his reaction, but really I cannot go in debt for our life together before it starts. I find that I purposely stay longer at work so I have less time to be online thinking that would push him away. He made a comment that really upset me regarding work. He said that he wants me to find a good job so that I can support my kids and him of course. His exact words.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

I never used the word Wacko, I was to the point in your question... I would never put my slef in that kind of situation. If your thinking long term about this relationship thats good but in the way your talking the possibility that you be a willing victim of Visa fraid is nuts! And if your willing your not a victim... And it's clear to see your really thinking about it, now thats nuts! the writing is on the wall.

I am glad that you are or will never be in this situation. I would not wish that on anyone. I am just stressing again that all my decisions will dramatically affect my children and re-evaluating the stress that his entry to the US would have on my children. I think that if he is serious about marrying me then he should have a sound plan to avoid undue financial pressure on me for the sake of my children. I just cannot get him to give me tangible plan that would reassure me that he will do all he can to make this process easier, as much as that is possible.

this process can be hard on relationships. maybe you should reconsider the alternatives. after awhile you become financially tied to it....

I agree that this process is hard on relationships. I am trying to consider the alternatives while being fair to all involved. I am just trying to find a way to get some real answers from my fiancee without sounding like a A-typical demanding woman. The idea that I will support him for three months is not my only concern, but I am afraid that he will not have money for all those fees to start our lives here. If I must sacrifice his love to maintain a sense of security for my children, then that is what I need to do. I pray tha he is receptive to a hard talk of the realities that we will face upon his entry to the US.

Thanks

I feel your pain it's like choosing between Zack & Slater

... what?

that was cute, but I am not looking forward to hurting anyone in my confusion.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You don't know who you love? Let them both go and get your head screwed on right! your a bit nuts if you ask me.....

Your response brought up many feelings like anger that you would state that I am wacko, despair because you did not see that my main concern is the financial situation that I may be in if he is not sincere. My main priority is my children. I love my friend because of his honesty not because I want a relationship with more than friends. In this unstable economy everything that I do will have a dramatic impact on my children, so I am right to think longterm if this relationship is not sincere. I hope that you never are faced with such decisions as those I must make. My love for my fiancee has diminished because of his lack of planning for his entry into the USA. Financial problems are the number one reasons for divorce in the US. The possibility that I could be a willing victim of Vias fraid will make anyone crazy.

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you for your input. You have given me somethings to think about. I will try again to talk with him about a plan.

A relationship is all about gives and takes. Especially for this process it is about planning. My Fiance did the application costs, I will be doing my medical and visa costs, he will be covering my AOS because I am paying my moving fees. That said, when he got mugged I was ready to jump in an pay the application costs, I've now lost my job and he has offered to help pay moving fees for me. Its about us and our life together, we both know that one or the other may have to pick up the other one financially at any point. As LiLMermaid said though, you are agreeing to support him once he is here, and he won't be able to work for at least 3 months. You really need to talk a plan out with him about how your financial situation is going to work out. If you can't do this and you don't feel you love him, I would say its time to look at if this is really what you want to do.

In a relationship that will last you need to talk about everything, even uncomfortable subjects. If you can't talk about and come up with plans about things like money your life will be very hard, especially as a mom. You owe it to yourself, your kids and this man. Seeing as you just filed a short time ago, I would sit down and talk to your fiance, see if you can come up with some plan about the money, not just for the short term, but also for long term plans, and talk to him about how you are feeling...that because you have the kids you need to make sure that they are taken care of as well and that they are very important to you. If after all this you still feel horrible and like its the wrong choice, then its not the right choice and you should probably end it, write a letter to USCIS withdrawing the petition.

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you for your honesty.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???

You really need to think this through. Once he is here it is YOUR responsibility to support him. You are signing documents saying that you will. Being a mother of 3 myself...you're having doubts now is not good. Unfortunately I have seen a few stories here about people using Americans just to get in the country. If you suspect that is what he is doing then I suggest you contact USCIS and cancel your petition for the K1 visa. Also if your not even sure if you love him or your friend then that is a sure sign that this relationship is not meant to be.

Thank you so much.

Can I get advice on what I can do. I have filed a k-1 visa in April, 2009 and I now feel like I am not in love with my fiancee as I thought. The reasson is that I have asked my fiancee for help with half of the filing fee for the application k-1. He said that is all that I will have to pay, but he has also said that he does not have any money saved for the costs that he will need to pay for the fees for his permanent residence fees once he is in the USA. I am concerned that he will come here and have nothing to contribute to those cost. I am a single mother of three. I really want to say to him that he needs to prove to me that he has the money for these cost. I cannot incure any debt as I have small children that depend upon me. He says that he will borrow money from family. I am thinking that maybe at this point that he may have been interested in me for entry into the US only. I am so confused. I have a dear friend from his country that I talk with, who has concerns that once he is here and after we meet the requirements for his citizenship that he will leave me. My friend has been more support than my fiancee has. I have known him for 2 years longer than my fiancee. I am thinking that I made a huge mistake in accepting his proposal. I am wondering if I am really in love with my other friend, but I do not know what to do.?

Any advise???