lost&lonely

once again thankyou for your quick response.

thank you so much for the reply.

The AOS was filed well before the I-94 expired so that is good, and i will send in to USCIS as i am about to leave the US, i think this will be by the end of this month.

when i come back to the US will i need to bring my NOA's to show it was filed before the I-94 expired?

Sorry that i am back asking for some more advice...

My I-94 has expired now, although the AOS application has been filed and is still pending, no EAD or AP as yet.

I have made the difficult descision and decided to leave my husband as the differences we are facing are far too much to overcome, we are both to blame as i think we had very differnt expectations and the reality is not the same.

What i wanted to know was, when i leave i will write to the USCIS stating i am withdrawing my AOS application, will the time between my expired I-94 and actually leaving the US count as unauthorised days in the US ie an overstay?

I would like to be able to travel back to the US to visit family in the future and hopefully bring my child over to see her father, but i am worried that this may not be a possibility.

Any advice would be appreciated, just so i know what possible consequences i face.

Thank you for that information.

If i applied for Medicaid to cover pregnancy costs while AOS was pending would this cause a denial?

I have been unable to get husbands/mine medical insurance to cover the pregnancy as they won't cover for 10months of me being added.

I spoke with my husband last night about us getting counselling...this was a definate no go as far as he was concerned as 'he doesn't have a problem'. Although he has asked if i will go to anger management classes to try and stop my unreasonable behaviour!

We seemed to take 2 steps forward and 1 backwards when we were talking last night, it ended up with him screaming & shouting at me, although i must admit by that time i wasn't as calm as i should have been!

He does have an issue with the baby 'you will have even less time for me when the babies born'. But another of his problems is when i get homesick 'i don't see why you're homesick you have me, surely that's enough?' apparently i am acting like a child who has been put into day-care, i cry but if i'm ignored i will get over it!!!

He wasn't in the line when sensitivity was handed out!

So thank you all for the responses good or bad. I guess i have to keep trying and see if things improve if not im going to get myself on a plane home.

What does it all have to do with immigration?

You should get on Dr. Phil or the Maury show instead.

i'll be sure to try and get on the shows...thanks.

I appreciate that people may feel this is a 'troll' at work, although why people feel the need to make this type of heartache up is beyond me.

All i can say is that i am not a troll i'm just trying to get some helpful feedback, which i have had and i appreciate people taking the time to respond.

There is no-where else for me to go to ask for help as i have no /friendsfamily over here and i really don't want to get family involved for fear of repucussions later if/when we get all this sorted...it would put a strain on their relationship with my husband that i don't think is fair as people have said there are 2sides to every story.

Thanks for everyone who has taken the time to reply, it is very much appreciated.

what is the one food guaranteed to eliminate a woman's sex drive?

wedding cake.

seriously, you are no longer just hanging out 3 weeks at a time on vacation banging. you are living together in a married state. you will have to admit that your sexual desire has reduced as a result. you will also have to admit that your pregnancy has reduced your sexual desire. you have already added that his clingy behaviour has also reduced the animal attraction. you may not be considering that your hormonal state has shifted, and that your attitudes about a lot of things are changing, and unstable in a way that is entirely appropriate to your physical condition.

what you may also not be considering is how your husband is feeling as a result of the change. your withdrawl may be increasing his insecurities, and thereby his demands. he doesn't really want lots of sex, just lots of display of your continued affection for and commitment to him. sure, he may be more needy than the average guy, but he is prolly just under a lot of pressure as a result of the changes you are going thru.

speaking of changes, do you really think you understand how this business of pupping a child right after marriage is affecting him? hell, he prolly doesn't even understand the pressure he's feeling about it himself. he thinks he's getting a girl to throw on the back of the motorbike, and finds out that he's gonna have to trade the bike in for a minivan with a car seat. he is allowed to react funny to that one.

a normal relationship usually starts with about a year of courtship with constant display of affection. this is followed by a year of "honeymoon" with gradual substitution of communication for overt affection. then the couple spends a few years finding a balance of overt affection, communication, trust, and independence. you may be rushing things, just a bit.

you two are going to do what you are going to do, but talking about the situtation sure would resolve some of the anxiety and confusion. if you can't do it effective directly as a couple, then bring in a 3rd party.

Thank you for the reply.

I have taken into account the effect that me expecting a baby has had and 'pupping a child' wasn't something either of us had planned on, but it has happened and we have to deal with what life has thrown at us.

It maybe has had an impact on him, but demanding sex several times a day is not helping. He is not happy with just a display of affection as that would not be a problem , it is the fact that he then wants sex and feels as his wife i should because it is his right as my husband.

I have explained that as a result of the pregnancy my desire has reduced, happy with 3times a week, but this has fallen on deaf ears.

I know the adjustment to the US can be stressful and influence changes in behavior. But this is more than we can attribute to adjustment.

The only thing he has had to adjust to is being married and his wife expecting a baby...he is the USC.

I really appreciate all of you who have offered insight.

Before we married he was not possesive like this nor did he show any signs of being so insecure & immature so i've been caught totally left field by his current views.

I will try and talk to him about counselling tonight. When i mentioned to him last night that we needed help to get past his thoughts of me not loving him, fancying him etc when i wasn't in the mood he was not overly receptive.

yes..he is being a chopf##k..

as you are not property or a f##k doll for him

Thanks, in such a difficult situation you made me laugh.

Just to clarify, i am not a troll. I just really need some help/advice.

I am in a difficult situation and would appreciate some help, i have decided to post here as i don't want to involve family in case this is all sorted and they hold a grudge against my husband.

I met my husband 2.5years ago online. I travelled back and forth 4 times a year to visit, normally for 3weeks at a time.

We decided we wanted to be together and the only way was to do the K1 visa and marry.

I entered the US early Feb 2009, and we married within a month of me being here. We found out shortly after the wedding that i was pregnant and had convceived when i came over to visit Christmas. Although shocked we were both happy.

Since the wedding though my husband (USC) has changed.

He feels that it is a wifes duty to have sex with her husband whenever he wants, regardless of if she is in the mood or not. If i say no he always comes back with 'do you not love me anymore?', 'Do you not fancy me anymore?' or 'are you cheating on me?' (he has been cheated on in the past)

He then proceeds to try and get me to have sex by constantly pestering me...this is a major turn-off and does not have the desired effect.

He then sulks and refuses to speak to me.

On his days off from work he wants to be with me constantly, and stifles me as he follows me around wanting to be kissed and cuddled all the time.

Don't get me wrong i love my husband, but i don't feel the need to live in his pocket all the time and i do need my own space...found it easier to breathe when he's not trying to hug me to death.

After another row last night over not wanting sex and my inability to perform when he wanted it, he said that he wants a DNA test done on the baby as he refuses to put his name to the birth certificate as he thinks i must have cheated on him and thats why i don't want to be with him in bed.

The baby was conceived in December, when i was over here for the entire month, and i definately haven't cheated....so having the test causes me no concerns.

Before we married none of the above was EVER mentioned and he was happy or appeared to be in our relationship.

I just wanted to have some un-biased opinions from people who don't know either of us.

Is this normal, and a cultural difference (hadn't realised there would be such a difference between American/European Christians), is is something i have to put up with?

Are we casualties of this visa system and having to marry before we had lived together and really got to know one another?

I don't want to just give up, but my husband refuses to compromise on his views. The house we live in I own outright, but he likes to keep reminding me that he is the one that has to go out to work to feed us so i should put up with whatever.