Bang2xg

Agreed.

Thanks all.

What a joke this was....

refreshing in a way, different from usual problems....haha. WOW.

How about all the other Albania women out there? Any of you around to shed some light on this or is my wife the only one with the old school pyscho dad who will chat to his daughter everyday but couldn't be bothered to know who she married?

Keep it coming...this is all new to me....i might actually learn something from you now. I started acting like a physcho after I found my name in ur phone changed to a girls name and I ask you and you go nuts about how im crazy and tell your friend that im stalking you at work when I have to drop you off and pick you up all the time... Like I said, we're done. Go back to Albania. Good-Bye.

Will the server administrator please close the thread.

Thank you.

Bang2xg

Oh my, where are my manners:

Allow me to introduce my lovely wife. We'll call her O.

Hello O.

oops, nevermind, just realized another work around, Changed all my passwords remotely so she wont have access for the time being until I change them back...Now to reply to all the posts from last night into today...

Hello,

It has come to my attention 10 minutes ago that my dear wife has been following our little exchanges as she knows the password to my email and has successfully guessed the same password to my visajourney account. I recieved a series of text messages while at work that brightened my day a bit more.

Anyway, I would like to continue our exchanges however and invite you all to email me at this very old email address "thehappyjuicex@gmail.com". I will be sure to change my passwords this time so we can continue our discussion in private. Feel free to ask any questions of me and I do want to hear more from all you. I'd especially like to hear more from you "beingpatient" unless you are really my wife in disguise, haha!

Take care all!

Hey everybody, thanks for all the support and replies, havent had a chance to read anything at all yet so please bear with me while I find some time during lunch to catch up. Really interested in reading what you all have to say. Any questions and comments are welcome.

Thanks for all the support.

Jose

Meg and Nigel:

Dont hold back now, lol, tell me. I need to know exactly what you would do and what you're thinking... the more I hear the better prepared I'll be for what she decides to use against me...

Steinem:

Okay, thanks. but Albania on that list? Not that I want to single out Albania because I know some very respectable Albos, maybe just not my better half...

Wandis:

I feel even if I do tell her to give me answers to what I want or else she'll have to go that it'll end up in one big stale mate with neither of us admiting anything as has been the case lately...

Shenzen:

Intimate life has been okay from what I can tell up to about a month or two ago, we both seemed pleased and we do talk sometimes about it and I ask her if shes okay and she tell me yeah, just recently has been an issue for us because of all the stress and I really feel like she's just not into anymore like she used to be, but the she tells me the same thing and we sort of just deadlock until it comes up again...

Meg and Nigel, I want to hear more from you please....

Thank you all for the input so far.... helps a lot when trying to make sense of it

I agree

really?.... lol, I really like to think that people are same everywhere except for beliefs etc...

Country of origin is Albania.

vkn:

I have tried to address these issues before but I certainly was not going to demand to meet her parents when were dating because that would be silly for both of us, she had her quirks and i accepted them just as she accept mine. And I dont know who she has back home you're right but what else can I do but ask her and believe her even if she is lying? At this point I really do feel at times like I'd rather just be alone and let her be but then we'll have discussion which lead to arguments and she'll start getting emotional etc and then I feel like s%&t for putting her through stress. I just take day by day and hope it will get better, but I really am trying to get her to understand that time is running out and there is a small list of items I want her to change otherwise I cant afford to give her anymore time...

So how do you feel about your relationship now? Do you still find her withdrawn? Is she loving? Do you guys have good communication (other than this one aspect)

Now this is drastic, but have you thought of calling her parents youself with out her to sort this out? I mean go around her and initiate conversation yourself? I'd do this before throwing in the towel on your marriage

Good luck

To be quite honest I feel like I'm losing her to things she doesnt want to talk about. I mean she is so busy back in school again and with work its takes up so much of her time that I just dont want to be that extra burden but I also dont want to feel like im being used and left in the dark about something I should know. Communication has dwindled of course in the past 2 years. She's made some friends which is great because she had a tough 1st year here and did go through a difficult time adjusting to being alone and distant from familiarity (i.e. - europe, family being a 1 hr flight away). I encourage her to make friends and go out all the time because I felt so guilty of her being so depressed when we first got here.

Then she gets really angry if I ask her who she's with or what time she'll be back so we can maybe catch a movie or something.. Recently the routine has been I leave for work at 5:30-6 am, and we just text each other sporadically throughout the day, I get home at 7:30 or 8 pm depening on the day and kinda just get ready for the next day. She goes to class, work etc and does her thing and I've learned not to ask questions for fear of being called physcho or crazy cuz guys at work hit or her all the time and i'm supposed to just accept that she wont do or say anything for them to stop. It actually got to a point where I found out from a mutual acquaintance that she's been opening up to a male friend at work about problems she's been having with me and I didn't know we were having the problems she described to him because she simply won't speak to me when it matters. Then it turns out that this male friend is sending "I miss you" messages etc on facebook and I'm supposed to be okay with that too because "thats just the way he talks to all the girls..."

As for her parents and being direct with them, I would love to but I also fear that that would be the line not to cross with her because she is very particular about them. Again she's locking the door when speaking to "them" or them (take your pick) and complaining when the dogs bark at a passer by through the window because somehow her father can hear through the locked door, through the mic and out to his speaker system on his computer. Our barking dogs when she is on the phone, serously? Dont know how to deal with it anymore...

Maybe a bit more background information on us and how we met... Part of the reason I can’t be so blatantly indecent and just tell her that I'm done with everything and throw it all up the air if I don’t have answers to these questions is because for a while in Berlin she really did take care of me. I was out of money, out of work, living on Pringles and Red Bull and she said no way! She sort of took me and gave me a cozy feeling with home cooked meals almost daily and we both learned about each other in the infatuation phase of the relationship that it just felt like it would continue naturally even after we came here... And it did for a while until she started withdrawing herself a bit because she was in very unfamiliar territory and had no allies it seems....

To canadian_wife:

Yes I have tried speaking to her about this many times, even before we were married living in Berlin. I told her that it was weird to me that she does this every time and her excuse at the time was the she and her like their privacy when speaking on the phone. So OK fine, I didn’t know her well enough to question that when we had just met so I dealt with it. But 4 years later the excuse went from that to being that in her culture the husband and wife do not meet each others parents until they have something to show each others families (i.e. eveidence of having built a life together, a common home etc.)

And yes at times I did feel even when we were dating that she was being very secretive of things. Again the phone thing, her cell phone is something very personal to her and it should be as with most people but it just seems like she’s always going through it and texting and deleting messages to whoever immediately after send or receiving and I know this happens because I’ve actually seen her do it a couple times and when asked she just tells me that she has a particular number of messages she likes to keep in her inbox. She fed me more garbage I know and this was years ago but still I kept quiet. Maybe she was just different like that….

Amy and Nick:

I’ve tried as many times to speak her about this issue as is possible in 2 years we’ve been married. It just always goes back to her dad being old school and “not wanting to meet until we have something to show them.” I really don’t know much about Albanian culture but I do know some Albanians and they too seem a bit perplexed at the issue. And yes maybe they don’t know, or they do know and don’t approve but I can’t verify any of this because all I have is her narrative of her life. And how do you demand answers to questions like this without sounding accusatory? No matter how you say and I’ve tried, but saying, “Can you tell me why my number was changed in your phone to a girl’s name?” will just always sound accusatory….

Amykathleen:

Of all the options listed I like #4 the best and I am really hoping for it (woo-hoo right?)

Next up is #1

Then #2

Least favorite (you got it) #3, lol….

Vkn & jsb:

Thank you for input, I’ve been really thinking more and more about just cutting her off and be somewhat civil and letting her keep everything and just live my life alone. I’ll find somebody else eventually right? But what if I was wrong and she just is that weird with her family etc? I think way too much about what has happened yet that im afraid to take any action….

So hello again to all my fellow VJers! Hope you've all had wonderful and stress free journeys on your way to being together and I wish you all many more years of happiness to come! Some of you have not had the best of luck in your journey's and I express my condolences to those of you who invested time and emotion only to have been let down.

I come to you today as I too am wrestling with my particular situation, both happy and somewhat worried. I met my wife some years ago in Europe. We fell in love, started dating and spent about 2 years together there before moving back to the states in 2008. Once here we started the perilous visa journey, weighing our options on a very important decision to stay together or not. We chose to fight through and be together so we were married in 2009. When we married she was on student status just finishing her masters and I had started a new job and we were both happy and looking forward to life together. Now about 2 years later, we seem to be ok and have usual problems as most couples do of course but that doesnt bother me. What does bother me are two very particular patterns of behavior she's always exhibited throughout the relationship that persist 4 years later.

And they are:

First, when I met her it was obvious to me that she was very close with her parents. That was made clear to me every time she would come to my place of residence to use the internet and call her family via Skype, etc because she couldn't do so at her place. No problems, I had just met her it was all new to me. We lived in a big city in Europe and I respected that she took time to speak to her parents because I didn't do the same with mine and it made me feel a bit ashamed for not putting in the same effort she did.

For those of you questioning, yes we are both somewhat young. I am 28 and she is 23, so parents are almost a daily or weekly occurrence in our lives because of our respective cultures. Now what is really bothersome to me is that my wife has spoken to, video chatted or texted at least one of her "parents" since the day we met. I still have no idea who they are, what they look like or what they do. And yes we've tried to talk about it and I've asked her many times to allow me to say hello one time and wave through the camera but we get into arguments and I tend to avoid that at all costs because thats just not the person I am. We did live with my parents for a short time when we first arrived in 2008 until she got into school and I got a job and we got a place to stay. She is familiar with everybody in family, my firends etc. Yes they do not always get along but I find that that is just life and these things happen.

She has also been on two trips to see her "parents" back home since recieving the 2 year green card and I was not invited even though I inquired both times about maybe accompanying her for a day or two and leave her to her business with them. Secondly and perhaps a bit more odd is that fact that just about everytime she speaks to her "parents" when she is here on the phone or skype etc, she locks the door to the bedroom. I cant get in or out to see what is going on but it does bother me a lot and I've been having serious doubts and concerns about whether or not she is just biding her time untill the CR status is up. Now many times while she's been on the phone with "them" it seems like they are having family arguments. I dont speak her language fully yet but I do know how to distinguish between happy tones, sad tones and agnry tones. More recently after she returned from a trip to see her "parents" this past Christmas I found my contact information in her phone saved under a girl's name. I questioned her about it over dinner one night and she became furious and went on about I had no right to look in her phone and she doesnt know how it happened and that the phone did it by itself.

Now I can understand that she is mad that I did look through her phone and I regret it and have apologized many times. I can also understand that she might not know how it happened. Maybe her little brother did in go into her phone which she guards like a hawk and also has a screen lock pattern and she let him play with it and he might've changed only my name in the phone as joke to her. Maybe I'm crazy as she has been telling me this month as she's facing all these questions. BUT what I absolutely can not understand is that she would have me believe the phone changed the contact name by itself. I work in IT and deal with one or two smartphones everyday, I have never ever seen a contact name or phone number change unexpectedly to another ever. Very simply, I'm a bit angry, confused and worried....

What would you do?

Date of Interview: Sep-23-2009

Time: 8:00 AM

Place: Newark Field Office

Total Time: 1 hour 20 minutes

--

Time of Arrival: 7:50 AM

Time in Waiting Area: 1 hour 10 minutes

Interview Time: 10 minutes

This experience was absolutely NOT what we expected. But the outcome was great!

So we did arrive early enough to be seated comfortably in the waiting area and have a nice little last minute chat about details. While waiting we saw a few couples go in with one officer who seemed to be in a bad mood, not even saying hello or introducing himself when he called people in. Obviously we did NOT want to be unlucky and have him "inspect" us but as fate would have it we finally get called in by you know who...

He walks us to his cubicle, swears us in, tells us to sit and give him our passports separately. He takes mine, looks at it, gives it back. He takes my wife's, looks at it, turns to the I-94 page, takes it out and gives it back. Then he proceeds to go through our file asking the following questions in rapid succession:

to my wife

Whats your name? What's your birthday? When and how did you enter the US? On what type of documents?

to me

Whats your name? What's your birthday?

to both of us

Do you have kids?

Where, how and when did you two meet?

Where do you live?

to me

What are your in laws names?

to both of us

Where was the ceremony held?

Did you have a reception?

Where?

Do you have pictures?

to my wife

Were your parents there?

Why not?

to me

Why didn't you file taxes this year?

--

He then says, "OK, I'm going to approve your case. Your green card should arrive in the mail in 3 weeks." He gives us a sheet of paper with instructions for lifting the requirements and explains a bit about that. Then asks if we have any questions and walks us out. I go to shake his hand but he informed me that he was sick and didnt want to spread germs. (Guess that's why he was moody huh?)

Anyway, Thank you VJers and USCIS! See you in about two 2 years.

Hey Pink,

You should be fine judging by what I've read from most interview goers here.

I also have my interview bright and early tomorrow with my wife and I'm bringing the following:

Passport, ID's and documents from USCIS,

Joint bank account with receipts of various purchases together,

Joint phone account with copy of every text message for past 30 days,

Pictures (about 70 of us together, the wedding and trips),

Congratulatory wedding cards from friends

Also bringing just in case but probably wont need is:

Charity care documents from the hospital which lists her as my wife,

Phone bills from our time in Europe with phone calls to me and her parents,

Class and registration documents from the language school in which we met,

Letters, emails and text messages from our time in Europe,

Also: If anybody can answer this I'd appreciate it...

Is a copy of the entire packet we sent in to USCIS neccesary? (i.e. - G325, I765, etc.)

On the interview form it does not ask to bring a copy on the original forms submitted but rather the supporting documents instead (i.e. - marriage cert, taxes, etc.) Or am I misreading?

Thanks and Good Luck! Will let you all know how it turns out.

Interview on Wednesday! Wish us luck!

Thanks!

Hello All,

Thank you to everyone with insight and advice so far. You've been most helpful and after this topic starter I'm sure you wont hear from me until I post that my wife recieved her GC!

So anyway, here goes...My wife and I came to the US from Europe in August of last year. She entered on a B2 with a notation "Prospective College Student" on her visa, which I think speaks clearly for her intentions upon entry. For reasons on which I wont elaborate in detail she was denied a change of status after putting in much work, time and getting documents together etc. She was given the 30 day period to leave etc. After consulting lawyer after lawyer we decided to marry and file for the GC. Now a year after she first entered with the intention to go to school she finally started classes this September with the GC application in the home stretch (the interview). Now all sorts of worries come up about the interview, and yes we've read through the many experiences here and feel we'll be just fine but we are a bit concerned with two things in particular if they should come up and they are:

1.) My wife did work as a babysitter before the GC application process. I also worked and continue to work as well but dont make enough to cover our costs etc as I can't seem to find a full-time position which is why she worked a bit. Will it be a problem that she worked before the filing for the GC or is that forgiven?

2.) She started classes this month while still on the expired I-94/B2 visa. Ideally she should have had the F1 visa or GC in hand to take classes but she couldn't afford to lose another semester on waiting. Or does this not matter while a GC application is pending?

As for items to bring to the interview we have the following: (Please let me know if this will be adequate)

1.) Joint Bank Account Statement: All kinds of "joint" purchases, (i.e. grocery shopping, video rentals, bill payments etc.)

2.) TMobile phone bills in my name with records of calls and over 600 texts a month, 95% of which are to her line and vice versa. (Tmobile doesnt allow more than 1 name on a statement for some reason) Our phones also store up to 3000 text messages, so I have plenty of stuff from Europe to now

3.) Letters from the University about her program of study and tuition information to her at our address.

4.) Picutres of our time in Europe together, here in the US with my family, the wedding, sightseeing, etc. Note: In a lot of

our pictures it's either me alone or her alone in the same environment because taking a joint photo holding a heavy SLR camera backwards with one hand is difficult, silly I know, but thought I'd mention it. Will that be a problem?

5.) We can get a lease agreement from my parents saying that we live with them and pay rent but dont think it will be neccesary. What do you think?

6.) An old receipt from Europe that shows a transaction from my bank account to her bank account.

Dont think I'm forgetting anything but let me know if you see anything, thank you.

JC

Yup, thanks for the input.

Hello all,

Just a quick question. I filed for my wife's AOS in June. We sent in all our paperwork and went in for biometrics. We have a pending interview date for September. I have not recieved word about either the I-130 or I-485 being approved. Is this normal this far into the process? It seems from what I understand on the site that most people get the I-130 approved before getting an interview date, then the I-485 approval follows suit depending on the outcome of the interview or am I not correct in that assumption? Please advise.

Also, I've started gathering evidence of our bonafides through joint bank accounts, phone bills etc for the interview. We do have plenty of pictures, before, during and after the wedding in our travels and time together. The problem is that we don't a traditional photo album etc. Everything is digital and stored on our computers. Might they let us in the interview with a laptop and slideshow? I know it seems a silly question but I had to ask because we both find a waster of time and resources to compile a photo album we wont look at or even show anyone. Think that's pretty much what facebook, flickr and all the photo software are for these days no?

Thank you.

Did you fill out a form I-765 for Work Permit?

No, didn't apply for EAD (I-765) or AP (I-131) as we figured we would just wait to travel and start work after we had GC in hand.

Hey all, quick question about getting an SSN. I've already started the process for my wife's GC and it's moving along at a nice pace. We have the biometrics appt. etc. And aside from a kick back (RFE) last week because of two missing signatures, I expect case processing to resume and approval in the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, I was just wondering how to go about getting a SSN number for her? Do we wait until we received the green card or stamp in the passport before applying or do we apply for it with some sort correspondence received from USCIS?

You need to be work authorized in order to get a SSN.. That is either the EAD card or the GC. When you have one of them in your hands, then go to SSA

Very good, we'll just wait for the GC as I make enough for both us for the time being.

Thank you kindly,

JC

Hey all, quick question about getting an SSN. I've already started the process for my wife's GC and it's moving along at a nice pace. We have the biometrics appt. etc. And aside from a kick back (RFE) last week because of two missing signatures, I expect case processing to resume and approval in the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, I was just wondering how to go about getting a SSN number for her? Do we wait until we received the green card or stamp in the passport before applying or do we apply for it with some sort correspondence received from USCIS?