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I wonder how many men who come here end up in a "lower status" than they were in their home country and how many become "upwardly mobile" because of their choice to immigrate.. For young men I am pretty sure it's upwards and onwards... not the case for H... it's over the pond and down the drain.. And I thought the Visa process was difficult.. Piece of CAKE by comparison...

That is so true Karmella - I always tell people that the visa process ain't nothing compared to what you as a couple will have to face once he gets here. It is so demeaning and frustrating to their psyche and yours too...and the amount of grief you suffer wondering if it was the right thing to do to be in this relationship...like you took them out of their comfort zone; out of a work environment where they were successful and had a sense of self worth. The work issue is one of the most difficult components to the assimilation process in the US. I can imagine that if someone didn't have a job, sat in a cafe with his friends, and just generally didn't give a rat's azz about the situation, well, they might not have too many issues - but for someone who is professional and earns a living - decent one at that, then this situation can bring on the depression. We're going through it right now and my hubby has been here more than 4 and a half years.

You know, I hardly even remember the visa process anymore (still do, but it has faded)...but I am hit with a constant 24/7 reminder of how sh!tty life can be when your spouse suffers from underemployment.

Lucky you and the others!! My hubby has now decided that life was much better in Morocco and that he didnt' worry about food, work, etc like he does here. They know they can always go live with/off family or friends. I don't know if he will stay here or not. He resents making car payments and not having money left over to save. He envies his friends who have sat at home and not had to work for the past year while their wives paid the bills cuz they can't find jobs. He quit his first job cuz he hated it. He likes this job, but resents having to drive. Thinks we should move to where he works and I CAN drive to my work. Appreciate what you have, ladies, if he wants to bust his butt and gives you the money to pay the bills. I appreciate my life--just wish he did too. This is taking its toll on me, for sure.

I wonder how many men who come here end up in a "lower status" than they were in their home country and how many become "upwardly mobile" because of their choice to immigrate.. For young men I am pretty sure it's upwards and onwards... not the case for H... it's over the pond and down the drain.. And I thought the Visa process was difficult.. Piece of CAKE by comparison...

That is so true Karmella - I always tell people that the visa process ain't nothing compared to what you as a couple will have to face once he gets here. It is so demeaning and frustrating to their psyche and yours too...and the amount of grief you suffer wondering if it was the right thing to do to be in this relationship...like you took them out of their comfort zone; out of a work environment where they were successful and had a sense of self worth. The work issue is one of the most difficult components to the assimilation process in the US. I can imagine that if someone didn't have a job, sat in a cafe with his friends, and just generally didn't give a rat's azz about the situation, well, they might not have too many issues - but for someone who is professional and earns a living - decent one at that, then this situation can bring on the depression. We're going through it right now and my hubby has been here more than 4 and a half years.

You know, I hardly even remember the visa process anymore (still do, but it has faded)...but I am hit with a constant 24/7 reminder of how sh!tty life can be when your spouse suffers from underemployment.

Lucky you and the others!! My hubby has now decided that life was much better in Morocco and that he didnt' worry about food, work, etc like he does here. They know they can always go live with/off family or friends. I don't know if he will stay here or not. He resents making car payments and not having money left over to save. He envies his friends who have sat at home and not had to work for the past year while their wives paid the bills cuz they can't find jobs. He quit his first job cuz he hated it. He likes this job, but resents having to drive. Thinks we should move to where he works and I CAN drive to my work. Appreciate what you have, ladies, if he wants to bust his butt and gives you the money to pay the bills. I appreciate my life--just wish he did too. This is taking its toll on me, for sure.

Once you get married, your spouse is entitled to half of what you acquire together from then on. So to me, that is fair.

So if it's fair why are you so pro-prenup? That doesn't make sense.

Not every state gives 1/2 of what was acquired after the marriage. All depends on where you live and how good your lawyer is.

OK, here's an example from a friend of mine. He was married for 25 years. He gave his wife his paycheck, took hardly anything for himself. Put her through law school and she also had a social worker's degree, but didn't work, was a "professional student". The month his daughter graduated from college (of which he paid almost all), she filed for divorce. Took half of his retirement, he had to refinance his house to give her cash, AND she had already inherited her mom's house so she had a place to live plus money. He had lived like a pauper all those years doing for them, and he got the shaft. Now is that fair?

I have taken time to read a lot of threads and discover that many USC have been used for the sole purpose of getting Green cards and that jeopardizes the situation for honest hearted individuals who are truely in love.

There are red flags sure to alert you to fraud but like we all know....love they say is blind and once blinded by the emotions of the heart you really dont see faults and when you do you make excuses for them until its too late.

I've read very bitter experiences from the effects of major family changes on immigration Benefits, and its sometimes depressing, some really have been used and its bitter and dehumanising to think that all the efforts put in to bringing their spouse here becomes wasted efforts, there is a lot of emotions involved, time, money, efforts, a lot of waiting and despair only to spend a couple of months together and as soon as he or she gets the much famous gc leaves.... the worse part isnt just leaving, some would want to claim everything too even those things you worked hard for before he or she came here!!!

NOTHING can kill romance faster than the word prenup. But with about one in three of all first marriages ending in divorce, and 50 percent of second or third ones hitting the skids, a prenup is smart financial planning.

Marriage is not just an emotional and physical union -- it's also a financial union. A prenup and the discussions that go with it can help ensure the financial well-being of the marriage also One option for softening the blow of a prenup is to add a "sunset clause," which specifies a time at which the contract would expire -- for example, after 5 or less years of marriage. Depending on what you both agree.

Fellow VJ members do you think asking for a prenup would scare potential scammers? and if yes, USC should start asking for one before the marriage and they can impose a certain number of years to it say sign a prenup, if the marriage turns sour and you leave then you leave with nothing!

I've read threads where people have doubts before marriage and still go through because of the limited time imposed on the k-1 visa's and realise they made a terrible mistake... would it be fair on both sides to ask for a prenup? Afterall, if you sincerely love your partner it wont be about the money or the assets, it ll be about you both!

I just want to hear your imput on this issue, and please, this is for civil people who wouldnt want to fight a battle of words or show how perfect their ENGLISH can be, or JUDGE other peoples comments or show they GRADUATED from HAVARD LAW school...

Lastly Excuse the typos if any.... Thanks for stopping by..

I agree with you. If you are honest, you won't mind signing one.

Why do you say that? I was just telling the truth.

Here's the point. If you go into the marriage like I did this time, you could lose everything you worked your entire life for. Being older, and inheriting some money from my deceased parents, I owned a house with no mortgage, car, furniture, retirement, money in retirement and savings accounts,etc. Former divorce cost me $35,000.00, which I didn't contest (he wasn't happy was the reason, who knows???) So I think I am a fair person.

BUT why should I give away what I have worked so hard for if that person wants a divorce or came for a green card, or finds a girlfriend or whatever? Maybe you are younger with stars in your eyes, good luck to you.

Once you get married, your spouse is entitled to half of what you acquire together from then on. So to me, that is fair.

If the situation was reversed, I would have gladly signed. I don't expect a friggin free ride from somebody.

It looks like my getting right on the case when the denial came was a good thing. I received a call from Abdel this morning. He told me that the consulate called, and he has another appointment on the 28th of May. When he asked what he should bring....he was told his passport.

To be honest, I think that the consulate agreed just to make me stop monopolizing their fax line and to stop filling their email box. Whatever the reason, I'm not complaining.

Thank you all for your advice and good wishes...

Usually, if they want you to bring your passport, they are gonna issue you a visa. Hopefully, this is the case with you. They may do an AP investigation which can take anywhere from days to months, but don't panic yet.

Not doing anything IS making a decision--to NOT do anything. If she gave a rat's behind, she WOULD do something. I'm betting she is the kind that somebody bails her behind out of every mess she makes. Just my two cents. I love this quote I read somewhere:

THERE ARE NO COINCIDENCES...THINK ABOUT IT, IT IS SOOO TRUE. Everything that happens, there is something behind it...think about it the next time something happens to you.

Hi guys--Just a note to say get a prenuptial agreement for ANY marriage. I don't care whether you are male or female. That way, nobody can take away anything you have worked hard for for many years. If your fiance doesn't like it, too bad. If they are not after anything, then they should not object. If they object, do it anyway. You will be happy you did, no matter what the future holds.

Thanks goodness, my hubby has used toilet paper ever since he got here. He used it some while in Morocco also. Otherwise, yuck...too many skid marks...lol

Ummm, hope this doesn't sound too horrible, but do you really think you will get the same answers once they get here? I heard he will take any job, work in yard, give me foot massage every night, do you think that really happened? NOT

Maybe I am just jaded cuz of my hubby, but I'm thinking most would say what you want to hear until they get here. I think many of these men are out to look out for #1, which is him. (and his family)--which may be the poor men's mentality. I have found that most of their so=called friends are out to screw them over, have them spend his money, etc. Make no mistake, they are coming from a man's culture. Mine still thinks no woman is outspoken in the USA except me. hee hee

fruitcakelady, you aint' so wrong....lol

You will be seen as cheap and selfish if you are not willing to go along with what he wants--such as sending money home, not arguing with him, generally pandering to him. If this is wrong for you, then I apologize. Just my two cents....

Hi guys--We discovered www.kleema.com through a friend. You can change it when you get on to read it in English. Your SO or family pays like $20.00 one time charge for a phone in Morocco. They don't pay for any minutes or anything there in Morocco. You pay around $18.00 a month online and get UNLIMITED CALLS/MINUTES per month. The only catch is that your SO can only receive your calls on that one phone. BUT that is not a problem usually. Mine uses it to talk to family daily. If you subscribe for 6 months, I think it gets cheaper as you go.

And if you have Verizon, you can enter that number (cuz it goes through NYC) as one of your 10 that you call frequently (there is a special plan on Verizon, you have to have two phones with them or family plan whatever), and you are not charged for the minutes. That is about the best thing he has found to stay connected to his family. They carry the phone when they visit relatives so he can talk to them also. So he pretty much talks to his family every day now. This new 10 number plan has kept him from going over his minutes all the time.

That and the arabic stations of DISH NETWORK (around 55.00 a month). In addition, there is available a special satellite dish you can get for around $250.00 that broadcasts Moroccan channels are the best things my SO loves. Once you buy the (second) dish, you don't pay for the channels, so that one is a one-time investment. We got it from the people that sell the DISH NETWORK satellite dishes.

Hope this helps!