bruc

I would like to thank all of you for your replies to my post concerning this problem with one on my friends. Many have read your replies that are not members of VJ including the Russian girls here in our community. I can assure you that none of them rattled anyones nerves here or made a temper flare.

Everyone has a right to his freedom of speech and thoughts, so thank you for speaking what your thoughts were.

We're getting excellent reports from our friend in Russia. He made the comment to me on the phone this morning that he and his fiance were talking a walk and just happened to meet one of her friends. He said she looked a little startled to see him there and holding hands with her. She had told him that no one knew he was coming except her. I'm sure our next report will be visa approved. I feel certain everything will be fine for them and they'll move on with their lives together and remember this as a learning experience for them.

I've been in VJ since 2004, I've learned a lot of interesting things and I would consider it the most important place to be when doing this process with all the many fine and outstanding members that post here and get much needed support sometimes.

I commend all of you fine people for the extended effort you do here to help the many people that have no where else to turn to for answers and support.

VJ members are a unique family because you all share the same goals together and you do it as a wonderful team of teachers and doctors.

Next week is my fiance's birthday and my grown children and their spouses and myself have decided to go spend it with her. My children want to meet this fine lady in person that will be there new step-mom and especially the daughter that will be there new little sister. They've also had a correspondence with both of them and they think they need to experience some of her country and culture. I definitely agree with them.

It's time for me to leave VJ now and move on with preparations for the arrival of my new family in September. I have many things to do not only in our home but I think maybe emotionally too.

I would like to thank all of you that never knew I was sitting in the background reading and learning from your experiences and frustrations.

I will probably post again one day after my friend and his new family get here and when my new family has arrived and settled in.

I leave the ones of you with step children, childen coming with their moms or now adopted children, that was left to me by my very loving and carry parents on my 12th birthday.It still remains in my home next to my bed so I can read it every night before I go to bed. I will also give this to my new daughter one day.

It's called the Adoption Creed:

"Not flesh of my flesh, nor bone of my bone

But still miraculously my own.

Never forget for a single minute.

You didn't grow under my heart, but in my heart.

God Bless all of you and I wish you the best that life can always give to you.

brue

First let me say I made this post as what could be a warning to some of you with something that could be happening to some of you also and to get comments on your thoughts. Thank you for your comments positive and negative and I certainly wish you all the best.

You all "were" a part of this and it doesn't matter that this person should be a member of this forum or any other forum which he is not.

We should be smart enough to learn from other persons problems and solutions to their problems and this has certainly been good information for a lot of guys out there is what we're hearing. It also made me listen and talk to my fiance about it and other guys are doing the same thing.

The day her fiance called her was not a conference call. He asked us to listen in on their conversation to help him decide if she was sincere or not especially the two girls from Russia listening.

We could tell that between the media and her friends that she had gotten scared and worried about the future of she and her two young daughters here. We all agreed we would have felt the same way in the same situation and the two girls from Russia said "she was definitely scared" and understood her actions. We never know what could"really" be happening in the background no matter how solid you think your relationship is.

It didn't have anything to do with love and trust. She loves him and trust him but she wasn't so sure about our country and what the future held even the possibility of her fiance eventually being unemployed and not being able to support them. I certainly understand this and you should also because the only real person that knows your future is your employer and you never know when you might get walking papers yourself. I'm an employer so I can tell you that I know more about what's happening in my company than they do.

Last week a bank here gave four of their people their walking papers because of the economy. One of them told me none of them saw it coming until the morning it happened to them...so you never know. I certainly hope all of you do survive this attack on our economy and not loose your jobs.It's scary out there right now for a lot of us that own businesses.

I do have good news on my part. I got a call from my fiance this morning about 4am, woke me from my sleep to tell me we have an interview in September. It was a long haul for us because our paperwork got lost and we had to refile. We didn't start throwing things, yelling and do all those things to

to vent our frustrations. We both had a little laugh and said oh well, here we go again and kept the patience that it would eventually happen for us and it did.

Like most everyone doing this frustrating process I have learned a lot here and I will leave you with a wealth of information not only learned from you but gained from our own personal experiences.

I'm also thankful that my fiance and daughter will have a nice support group here in our community that speaks their language and understands her culture more than I do to help them adjust to their new lifestyles here.

I wish all of you still in the process the best and to keep your chins up, it will eventually happen for you also. I wish all of you that are married a much successful life with your Russian wife.

bruc

Amazing when there's no news to report and someone takes a long weekend off with his children and the speculations fly, but I do have news to report now and it's good news.

The issue was that she had been hearing a lot of bad reports for a month about how bad our economy was and her friends advising her not to do the interview and definitely not relocate here. She had a nice job there and friends she could depend on so why take the risk.

My fiance and a couple of girls that's been here for a few years finally got her to talk to them on the phone. I think with my fiance not being here and had no plans to back out and not come and the two girls here telling her everything was fine for them and she should reconsider her actions she had a change of heart and mind.

This took several phones call to her from a lot of people discussing this with her.

She sent her fiance a sms and told him to call her and he did. Some of us know the conversation and heard the conversation between them including the two girls from Russia.

She was very upset when she talked to him and was very apologetic for her actions towards him and asked for forgiveness and to not leave her.More in the conversation but I think that should remain just between the ones of us that heard it.

Her interview is this week and her fiance landed in Moscow this morning and we understand was greeted with much happiness from her. He went to give them his support for the interview and his care for them.

She also asked him if he would stay for another week and let them fly back with him and those are his intentions.

When they arrive back in Atlanta a pile of us will be there to greet them with big smiles on our faces, and too, our small community is being blessed with another family from Russia joining us.

Sometimes it pays to not jump to conclusions, keep patience and find out what the problem is before taking any actions that one might regret later and this is just what her fiance did. We also need to learn from these unfortunate things such as this one.

Thanks for all your input and suggestions.

bruc

I would like to thank the ones of you that have sent me pm's and have offered some insight into what could have happened or taken place and offered your help.

My fiance got her on the phone and she did talk to her for a few minutes and asked her to give her a couple days to think about what she had done and call her back.

It was also posted on two more forums by two more guys and the support from the guys that had been there and done that offered a lot of different reasons as to why she did it. Most of the guys with wives here and still with fiances over there offer their help with giving her a call also.

After talking to her for a few minutes my fiance seems to think she might have gotten cold feet...

Thanks,

bruc

I was talking to a friend this morning and he told me that one of our friends had gotten an email from his fiance telling him she wished not to leave Russia and hopes he can find his happiness with another Russian girl....she was to have her interview in Moscow in about two weeks.

She gave him no reasons or excuses in her email and will not talk to him on the phone.

I called him this morning and he said on his last trip to her a few weeks ago that she was excited about getting her interview. He said he saw nothing during his visit that would indicate that something was wrong. He's a great guy and has no financially problems.

He was upset and said he had no idea what her thinking was and was just going to do a wait and see thing with her and see if she changes her mind and does the interview.

I think I would see if she was just having cold feet and if I was not sure about that then I would run in the opposite direction real fast like.

I'll update as he tells me more.

Whew, I know his heart is hurting not to mention the amount of money and frustrations doing this process.

bruc

So there is such thingy as "mail-order bride catalog"? I heard about some agencies in Kiev, but at that scale... Wow

You have to remember, that was over 10 years ago. I never saw the catalog and I have heard it mentioned on several forums in the past.

If there's one out there I have no clue where or what agency would have one.I've got a Russian woman now that I haven't figured out yet so I would definitely not be on the hunt for another one.

bruc

Lol, my fiance says the same thing. He just told me today the best way to deal with us, Slavic woman, is just ignoring those weird culture things. Boy, is he wrong... Well, I guess I have a lifetime to show that to him.

My fiance told me one time that I was in for a new experience when they get here to American with me. I wanted to tell her that SHE was already a new experience for me but since I was there and not here I kept my mouth shut. I would probably keep my mouth shut here too. I told here one time very nicely that sometimes I didn't understand some of the way she did things...she replied to me that I was a man and she understood everything I did

I think your fiance and myself are in for a heap of trouble when you girls arrive to us.

bruce

Airfare is weird.

[/q

Sometimes I think my fiance is weird too

So there is such thingy as "mail-order bride catalog"? I heard about some agencies in Kiev, but at that scale... Wow

You have to remember, that was over 10 years ago. I never saw the catalog and I have heard it mentioned on several forums in the past.

If there's one out there I have no clue where or what agency would have one.I've got a Russian woman now that I haven't figured out yet so I would definitely not be on the hunt for another one.

bruc

I thought, "man, that guy got the very first mail-order catalog!"

I don't even remember 1978. I do remember the first thing I heard about the mail order bride business was a catalog from I think Cherry Blossoms.

I feel sure now that with the price in airfares that the girls will have a more difficult time getting a guy to fly to them.

bruc

The real issue will be the rise in airfares...which will soon be beyond the average person's budget.

I called Delta this morning to make reservations for August to fly back to my girls and was a little surprised to find the tickets were only a little over $1400 from Atlanta to Moscow. I remember paying $1200.00 this time last year. My last trip a couple of months ago was about the same price of $1400.00. I went ahead and made more reservations for October and the tickets were $1200.00. This could be the end of that fare and it could explode even higher.

I have a friend flying back to Ukraine to visit his girl about the same time in August and his ticket was over $2000.00 and he tells me an increase of $800.00 from his last visit. He has to fly to JFK and connect there to Kiev.

My fiance told me that one of her girl friends fiance has had to postpone his trip to her until winter rates because of the increase in the fares.

The economy where I live, mountain resort area construction being the major industry, has been totally dead for a year and we see it not improving.

I'm an architectual engineer and where 90% pf my business comes from this area I'm now having to reach into several more areas to find work to have something to do.

I know a lot of people that have stop flying because of the increase in airfares and trying to keep their businesses alive via the internet and phone.

It's tough right now and some of us think maybe we haven't even got started good going downhill due a lot to the price of oil now.

bruc

Wow! From the late '70s til 2004 is a long, long time to be in the process. You definitely get the VJ longevity award if there is such a thing!

WOW!..that was suppose to be 1998! me bad

My wife has gone back to Russia to visit her mom and all the rest. She had been gone only 7 months.

She reports that prices for a lot of basic foods have just about doubled. To humor me, she's keeping grocery receipts for us to review back here. We'll do the same when we return in November.

But it sounds as though the situation for pensioners who are on their own is completely terrible. Things aren't a cake walk here, but we sure do have it easier!

Just wondering what others here are hearing and how you are responding.

I'm hearing this from a lot of my friends that either have wives or fiances. I've had to up the financial help a little with my fiance because of the grocery prices going up.

I was over for a visit recently and from a previous thee month visit I could tell a big difference in the grocery prices increasing and it seemed the Ruble was down on us also.

bruc

After a LONG correspondence it seems she invited me over for a visit.

When did you first go over?

October 2004

I remember back in about 1978 when I got introduced to the Russian woman mail order bride thingy and got interested. I don't remember having sms, text messages, Skype or anything else but slow to respond letters because none of the girls had computers and expensive phone calls to them.

I had to pay for correspondence and translations through either an agency or a private translator that did have a computer.

When I did finally meet a girl, now my fiance, it was through a friend of hers that was a translator with a business in her city and could use the computer in her office.

My fiance ,then just friend, could not afford a computer on a $75.00 a month salary and a daughter to support. After a LONG correspondence it seems she invited me over for a visit. Her daughter was excellent in English so my thoughts were that if things went well for us on the first visit then why not carry them a laptop, get them connected to the internet and let her daughter help her write letters to me.

I have an IT friend so I discussed the laptop with her and she talked to a computer company and they built me one with Russian Windows and a Russian Keyboard.

I did not tell them about the laptop, I was in shock thinking that I was actually going to Russia to meet a Russian girl and her daughter and was in shock the complete trip, culture shock and just about any other kind of shock there was...sometimes I think I'm still in shock.

It was an amazing trip and one that I'll never forget. I was surprised at how welcomed I was made and felt by everyone I came in contact with especially my girls, her family and friends. I think I was the first American they had ever seen much less stay in their homes.

They were excited about the laptop and we were excited about each other and then I had another shock when I found out their internet connection was going to cost me $2.50 an hour. But, they were more than friends now so there would be no turning back on my part to help them and figure out what to do next. On every return trip to them they always thank me for the laptop again and ask, where would we be in our relationship without this.

So, I found VJ through a friend...the best there is in the internet or anywhere else for help and support. It took more visits to them to make sure all of us were sure about this. As it would happen our paperwork got lost and we had to start all over again but we're getting there now.

I sit many hours a day in my home in front of three computers working in three CAD programs so it's a pleasure to be able to talk to them in Skype at no charge while I work. The text messages are important to them and I send them the messages when they're out and about, at work or school.

Ain't instant communication technology just wonderful when you're 6000 miles apart and want to be together but have to pay the dues of the process.

bruc

My fiance is in Egypt, and my cell phone provider does not cover that country. I use www.ipipi.com and purchase 50 or 100 international text messages at a time. I think 100 text messages cost me $12.50. I use my phone to send the message to ipipi, and ipipi forwards it to his phone for me. I might add, there is no contract I need for this. It is a US number the message is sent to, so I get charged the .05cents to sent to ipipi, and the .125cents for them to send it for a total of seventeen and a half cents per message. I like this because the messages do not have an expiration date.

The service this past 2 and a half years has been very reliable for me. Most messages are delivered immediately. I might add, my mobil phone knowledge is very limited, but the instructions on the site were very easy for me to follow and start useing it. For me, doing it this way is less expensive that paying a monthly charge for international service, and then a per message fee. You might check it out.

Best of luck to you both,

Sue

I also use ipipi.com and I find it affordable and have never had any problems. My fiance will sometimes log into my account there and send me a text message also. It goes to my computer and to my cell phone. It also has a translation part added to it so you can send and receive in different languages.

I've tried others but this one seems to be the best of all and works best for us. We also use Skype and have never had any problems with it and have never been disconnected. Sometimes we talk for several hours especially on the weekends. At the price of airfares now everything cheap helps.

bruc

My fiance is in Egypt, and my cell phone provider does not cover that country. I use www.ipipi.com and purchase 50 or 100 international text messages at a time. I think 100 text messages cost me $12.50. I use my phone to send the message to ipipi, and ipipi forwards it to his phone for me. I might add, there is no contract I need for this. It is a US number the message is sent to, so I get charged the .05cents to sent to ipipi, and the .125cents for them to send it for a total of seventeen and a half cents per message. I like this because the messages do not have an expiration date.

The service this past 2 and a half years has been very reliable for me. Most messages are delivered immediately. I might add, my mobil phone knowledge is very limited, but the instructions on the site were very easy for me to follow and start useing it. For me, doing it this way is less expensive that paying a monthly charge for international service, and then a per message fee. You might check it out.

Best of luck to you both,

Sue

Thanks guys for all your replies. My mind was running a blank today, to many hours in autocad.

I think he's borderline but he says he can do $22,000.00.

Someone had told him he had to make over 26K and he's already filed for the K-1 so that got him excited, so I guess he'll be ok.

Thanks again guys,

bruc

I'm trying to help out a guy figure his income requirements for the K-1...his fiance & son in Ukraine.

I looked at the poverty guidelines but for some reason it's confusing me...not difficult to do

What would his min. income requirements be?

Thanks,

bruc

Interesting Poll on Prenups..

What people think of prenups

A 2006 Poll demonstrates the polarized opinions on drafting a prenuptial agreement:

• More than one-fourth of respondents (28%) think that a prenup makes smart financial sense for anyone getting married.

• One-fourth think they are for the rich and famous, not regular people.

• One in five (19%) believe a prenup is never needed if two people really love each other.

• Fifteen percent think a prenup dooms a marriage to failure.

• Twelve percent think prenuptial agreements are a good idea but would feel too uncomfortable to bring the issue up in their own relationship.

• One-half (49%) of divorced Americans believe that prenuptial agreements make financial sense, while just one in five (21%) married Americans feel the same.

bruc

I was wondering if some one can recommend any other ways (besides Western Union) of sending money to Russia - quickly, reliably, cheaply, hassle-freely? any experiences?

I've tried several different ways but Western Union was always the fastest and the cheapest.

I opened a special ATM Debit Card account here in my bank for my fiance and showed her how to use the card.

I put money in it for her when she needs money, only enough at the time of the need...it's fast and the transfer fees is only $1.50 from Russia.

I tried bank transfers...expensive and took a couple of days and more hassle for her than Western Union.

bruc

Prenup:

Yesterday I was in a trout stream with a lawyer

Is that like being up $#!T creek without a paddle?

Sometimes I think you ain't right slim and something is missing between the ears ....If your wife experienced culture shock it was probably not the US but the guy she married

I think a lot of what makes things easier for us in here is your humor

bruc

Prenup:

Yesterday I was in a trout stream with a lawyer ( has fiance in Ukraine )and we had a discussion about a prenup in Georgia.

He told me that I had inherited my family business and had also made my daughters partners in our business.

I had also inherited my family vacation home..all of this was done with a Living Will from my parents before they died.

My home here in the mountains is also considered a gift from them and in Georgia anything that you receive as a gift

cannot be touched by a spouse unless she was also on the deeds or in the Will, etc.

All our vehicles are registered to our business so they can't be touched either from a spouse.

The only thing that could be in favor of a spouse would be any monies, properties, etc that were in my name or our names together not inherited.

He said the manly thing to do in case something happened to me, and he knew I would do it, would be to make sure that my wife and step-daughter were provided for after my death or an accident until she had remarried if that be the case.

He said you also have a Living Will and I feel certain that you will not leave your new wife and step-daughter out in the cold, even if she dumped out on you.

I think basically what he was telling me that I didn't need a prenup.

We started catching trout then and that became our priority !!

bruc

An observation on Russian women: During my visit I was severely tempted to take photos of russian women in "every-day wear" for the benefit of my teenage daughter just to show the contrast between what Russian women wear to go shopping and their USA counterparts. However, I could not think of a discreet way of taking candid "walking on the streets" shots without looking like a pervert or worse. I guess my daughter will have to rely on my descriptions although actual photos would have been much more convincing.

Good luck trying to convince a teenage daughter of anything.

Slim is absolutely telling the truth here 100% ...

I had TWO teenage daughters at one time....sometimes I still think it's a bad dream

bruc

My fiance's husband dumped out on her 2 years after their baby was born. He moved to Italy, has not seen the kid nor has he even sent her a birthday card and she's now a teenager.

My fiance has a friend that has a kid by a man she wasn't married to 12 years ago that dumped out on her also. He does have a relationship with their kid and has always tried to help her support the kid.

Difference in morals and personalities I suppose.

Neither of the girls said they could not find a husband because the Russian men didn't want to marry a woman with another man's kid.

My future step-daughter and myself are the winners in all of this...her dad is the looser because she's an awesome kid with a heart of gold.

bruc

Congrats!...and if this is your first your life will changed forever, for the better we all hope ...I told my gown & married with kids daughters they went "brain dead" on me when they turned 13 and haven't decided to wake-up yet.

They just ignored me.

bruc