What Happened?

If he tries a VAWA case they are not going to let you know anything. Your best bet is to sit down and write a statement which details your marriage. Let USCIS know your concerns with regards to the marriage, any inappropriate behavior on his part, any attempts to provoke you, any unwillingness to participate in married life, etc. You should NEVER allow yourself to be anywhere alone with him. Always be in a public place and preferrably have reasonable people, who know you, with you if you must deal with him for any reason. If he has made any type of statement suggesting that you've abused him when you hadn't, don't be afraid to include that in your statement along with a statement as to why his statement was odd or out of line. If he has exibited any other shifty type of behavior, put it in your statement. You also want to let them know in what ways you have attempted to resolve any issues that affect most marriages. If you have sought the counsel of a priest or minister to help you with your marriage, include that info in your statement. Be specific, give names, places, and dates. If he will have scant evidence of a goodfaith marriage, you should tell them exactly what evidence DOES exist so that if he tries to falsify documents or add you to insurance without your approval then USCIS will be certain to ask for documents that will span the entire length of the marriage an not just recent documents and/or they will question his documents.

If you have this statement ready to go when you go to your infopass, let the officer at the window know that your spouse has abandoned you and will be needing to lift conditions eventually and you are concerned that he entered into the marriage fraudulently thus you withdrew your affidavit of support but would also like to protect yourself from any fraudulent claims of abuse. Ask them to add your statement to HIS file. Have your receipt number for your original petition. If they ask you if you want to withdraw your petition say yes. They will give you another form that you can fill out on the spot.

They may tell you to come back around the time he is expected to file his application for ROC. If so, you will want to make frequent appointments because they will not give you the information over the phone, but they will let you know if he had filed his application if you go into the office. If they tell you you need to come back, then when they let you know he has filed a timely application to lift conditions, then ask to add the statement to his file. YOU WANT TO DO THIS BEFORE A DIVORCE IS FINALIZED!!!!

Once a divorce is final, USCIS will not let you put anything into his file and will not tell you anything about the status of his case...............but they will before divorce. If his file has been transfered to another field office or to the service center they will simply mail your statement to them so that they can add it to his file. You want to be certain to do this so that you at least attempt to protect yourself from a VAWA claim and let your side of the story be heard.

Best wishes and I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

You can make an infopass to your local office. Take with you a statement as to what has happened in your relationship and why you wish to withdraw your petition. They will have a form specifically for withdrawing your I130 application. It is on sheet asking basic information and an area at the bottom asking why you wish to withdraw. If you arrive at your infopass with your statement, you can complete this form while at the office and attach your statement. They will look up your case so have your receipt number with you, and they will forward your withdrawal statement and form to the appropriate location and your process will come to an end. It is as simple as that.

Best wishes

thank you so much. we did an introduction already where both families were present, i spent daiz with him at his family hoiz so they are aware of the relationship. we just thot with the introduction pics and the court wedding we can atleast start something and then have the big wedding in august.

Don't do it girl. Either have a small traditional wedding with both families and friends present and before his priest or pastor now and then do the court wedding or wait until you can have your big wedding in August. If you do a court wedding, you need to have every big and crazy looking man in your family and neighborhood (and some Nigerian ones too) have a talk with him and make sure they let him know how special you are to them and put fear into his heart so that he won't even think of slacking off without being reminded to fear for his life. Even if you think he is the sweetest thing on the planet with the prettiest smile, do this......

I'm going to go back to my corner now.. I've said my 2 cents.

hello everyone,

i would like feedbacks nd advice on my issue. i am a united states citizen and i have a fiancee from nigeria who will be migrationg to south africa soon. i was trying to file the 1-129 for him but advised by my lawyer to wait till after marriage due to the fact that 3 to 4ys ago my fiancee had been to the consulate in lagos about 3times for interview and was denied, the last denial was based on him having a fraudulent shengen visa on his passport which unknown to him was fraudulent because he paid a travel agent for the issuance of the visa. anyways he was denied the visa and am sure they probably have dat in thier records.all this was before we met.....he also was once married and the wife is late as if now no kids involved. based on this premises, lawyer adviced that we till after marriage before i apply. the wedding ceremonyis set for august 2012, but we plan to have a court wedding sometime in march to help speed up stuffs.

my question is if anyone out there dat has gone thru same issues as mine and succeded in getting a visa to us, how did you go thru it and what information and evidence of proof of relationshiop and how best to handle the situation. i will start d filing next year and do not want to lack any information that might be of help so dat my fiancee would join me as soon as possible, tryin not to ge lawyer involved until if i need a waiver to savecosts....positive ideas and support are welcome...fanks in advance as i lookforwardto your reply

I would suggest that you not simply do a court wedding just to try to speed things up. My suggestion is that you make sure you both have a traditional wedding where his family and community are involved or your family and friends are involved. If he suggested a court wedding, take it as a warning sign. Don't let him promise you a real wedding later. Of curse I don't know your situation, but I've heard this before myself. We had a court wedding and my husband didn't respect our marriage at all and I heard him on the phone saying that it didn't mean anything. A court wedding means nothing to a Nigerian. Wait for him to have a traditional wedding where the entire community is there and watching him marry you.....that way he has a serious butt kicking coming if he starts behaving badly towards you and he'll have not only your family but his as well breathing down his neck to act responsibly.

Good luck and best wishes

i believe the OFFICER was a constable serving him court papers about Child Support.. i don't think it was USCIS/ICE.. thats the way i understand it..

My point is, wrt to filing a joint petition, you would only be 'helpful' if you would not mention the separation/pending divorce. Otherwise, he needs a waiver to remove conditions on his own. You telling them the truth that you no longer live together, are separated, and headed for divorce would only result in him getting an RFE asking the final divorce decree. Basically, you being truthful would render you impotent and superfluous to the whole process. So, the only way you could 'help' him in any official capacity would be by lying. Which would be fraud. Do you see what I'm saying?

http://www.uscis.gov/USCIS/Laws/Memoranda/Static_Files_Memoranda/2009/i-751_Filed_%20Prior_Termination_3apr09.pdf. (end of page 2/beginning of page 3)

I suppose you could help by signing a notarized statement attesting to the fact that your marriage was bona fide, although judging from your last paragraph, I don't think that would be entirely truthful.

In an unofficial capacity, you could help by giving him the documents that you have. Or not, since you've changed your mind since he filed for divorce.

I realize this may seem pedantic for you, and I'm sorry you seem to be getting defensive/offended by my posts.... but at the end of the day, things need to be clarified here when they can for the sake of keeping the information here as accurate as possible.

Btw, I'm sorry you're going through this

@skiptex - Yes it was a police officer/process server who arrived at my parents home. My concern was that if he had been using his real address the police would have never been able to skiptrace him to my parents address. I was wondering if USCIS ever checks the residence of people who file to lift conditions alone. The answer I received is probably not. Thank you, you were correct.

@Anita Cocktail : Sorry for getting offended but I've learned some things about this person that were clear misrepresentatins and had I known the truth, I wouldn't have married him. At any rate he will still get an RFE asking for a divorce decree because he just filed the divorce and now needs to wait 6 months before going before a judge and getting a decree. He could had done this differently by filing a timely application and asking for an extension on his greencard until the divorce was finalized. Instead he is choosing to slander my name and has stated that he could take our daughter to Nigeria with him which forced me to reply to the divorce and request child abduction prevention orders be put in place. If he wants to be ugly, I have plenty of ammo to be ugly right back without telling a single lie. I was trying to take the high ground and he is dragging me through the mud. That is why I say I will not help him with anything anymore he can forget it. Let him spend thousands of dollars on a lawyer and a prayer. Either way he has burned his bridges with me and he still needs to prove a good faith marriage. Good luck to him with all of that.

Sorry for blowing up a little. The man just keeps coming at me with chaos and manipulations and now my attitude towards him or anyone who seems to side with him in any way is bad and although I've been doing a good jb of keeping that to myself....it seeps out from time to time.

Thanks for your contribution here.

Wrong. It is not fraud. It would be fraud if I walked into the interview and pretended we were still living together and ran out and started opening accounts with him just so that the proof was there. That would be fraud. I didn't plan on lying about anything. To present them with a lease one signed by me and a different one signed by him shows that we were living at a particular address at a particular span of time. Many marriages have difficult times and they separate and get back together. As I said I read several memos from USCIS referring to not necessarily denying the application to lift conditions just because the two people do not live together and things are not working out at that time but are still legally married. I think I know what fraud is and what it isn't. Maybe if you search the USCIS website you can read the memo yourself. There would have been no fraud here.

For him to try to divorce me and claim that I abused him and then tell me he is only doing it to stay in the country , is fraud as well as slander. Marrying to evade immigration laws, is fraud. Falsifying documents to obtain a passport, is fraud. Go lecture him about what fraud is and have a nice day.

If that's the case, why were you willing to help him lift conditions? You do know that would have been fraud, yes?

I was willing to help him lift conditions because I know and he knows that I've never done anything to him. We also have a 2 year old daughter, so my interest is in not having her father deported. No it would not have been fraud because I had no intention of lying about anything. According to a USCIS memo from 2009 that I read on their website a couple who is still married but the marriage is not viable is not cause to begin removal proceeding on its own. Neither is not living together. As I stated earlier, I was willing to submit the evidence that we did have together. Which would have been a lease I signed, a lease he eventually signed (but no lease signed together), pictures, birth certificate, and affidavits if he could get them. But instead he chose to divorce which has also lead to a custody battle and he has tried saying that he wants to withdraw the dissolution filing. It's too late now, because now I'm not willing to help him with anything. I'm done with him, I don't even want to look him dead in the eye for fear that flames might shoot out of my eyeballs and fry him.

So no there would have been no fraud involved. Now he can file alone and play his fate with time. Either way it happened, my filing with him or his filing alone he has an uphill battle all because it was almost impossible to get him to do the things we needed to prove goodfaith marriage. Now he can also add to the list divorce before 2 years.

Sounds like you should probably not have any contact with him. If you do, never do it alone! If you suspect he may try to say you abused him, don't ever put yourself in a situation where it's your word against his.

Even if he does try to claim this, the fact remains that he has to prove good faith marriage to remove conditions.

He never fully participated in married life so I had to take care of everything. Since I had two abdominal surgeries in a six month period of time, there was a long period of time where I could not work and I needed him to help me with some very basic things, like carrying groceries. He wouldn't even do that for me. Just wanted to watch soccer and catholic TV all day and night. He told me that I was not going to turn him into my slave. Now I am a hard working young lady, always have been, but had a period of unemployment. He doesn't want to have to budget anything and wants to be able to buy what ever he wants when he wants to, but didn't want to have to work. So after he told me I was treating him like a slave and then ran to my parents trying to tell them that I abused him, and considering all of the other horrible behaviors that I tried my best to work through, I decided to stop being his chauffer, secretary, chef, lover, stopped washing his clothes, turned off the cable and told him that when our landlord sold the condo I was getting my own place. Because last time I checked slaves weren't able to sit around watching soccer all day and being served and serviced all day.....at least that's not what I learned about my history but maybe a Nigerian knows slave history better than an "African" American since the people of his tribe are the ones who sold their own people into slavery. Sound bitter? Maybe a little but I know the role I played in this all and have moved on.

I don't trust him so I am never anywhere alone with him, I don't answer his texts or phone calls and let them go to voice mail where I can reply to only calls that deal specifically with our daughter and that is it.

I have been living a good life and I treat people the way I would like to be treated. I have better things to do in life........thank GOD.

Thank you everyone for your insight and information

Yes he does. Divorce him and be done with it. Joint filing would be a lie because you aren't together. If he goes home that's his fault BUT be safe because you don't want a false abuse claim once he finds out he's screwed.

I am also afraid that he may do exactly as you've said....pull the abuse card on me. He has already tried to set up the abuse scenario by turning to my parents and telling them I abused him.

Trust me I've learned many lessons from this entire experience..........

Thank you. Doesn't he still need to demonstrate good faith marriage even if filing on his own. We never had a joint bank account, no jointly signed lease, no taxes filed together, no insurance together, etc.

My husband's application to lift conditions is due in Nov. His GC expires in Feb. I left him last year and several months ago he began pressuring me to divorce him. I was willing to still file for lifting conditions with him and gave him the application and the small amt of proof that we had, but he wanted me to divorce him instead. I told him that if he'd rather divorce in order to file on his own rather than apply together, then he needed to file for divorce himself.

So he filed for a divorce. He has very little evidence of good faith marriage because he argued with me about everything under the sun. So, I wasn't able to get him to understand that we needed joint bank accts, that he also needed to sign the lease, and that we needed to file taxes together. I couldn't get him to do any of these things with me. The divorce was recently filed and will not be finalized before his greencard is set to expire. I understand that he can apply for a waiver in order to file to lift conditions without me, but doesn't he still need to demonstrate a good faith marriage?

He also never kept USCIS updated with his address, after we separated. He has been using my parents address when he applies for banking accounts, he has given my parents address as his address to his employer, as well as credit applications. An officer even came to my parents home looking for him so that he could serve him with child support papers. He skip-traced him to that address. He has also had his family send packages to my parent's home with my name on it. I am concerned that he will try to say that we were both living at my parents home since we didn't have a lease with both of our signatures on it from our rental condo.

Does USCIS find out about divorce filings which take place before the 2 year mark and how does that affect lifting conditions? How do they find out? Will anyone visit my parent's home to see if he actually lives there, if he hasn't corrected his address and has been using that address? I think he created a bigger mess for himself by divorcing but I am wondering what the masses think and know.

Thanks

You can get a felony traffic violation for DUI, hit and run or any accident which may cause serious injury/death or property damage.

World of difference in what will be accepted for the I864 when adjusting status and what a CO will accept at the visa interview (which was the OP's original question).

AO's are instructed by memo to include UI at the status adjustment. There's no such guidance for the I134.

my info was accepted at nvc with the i864 and forwarded to the consulate. not sure if this was to follow my reply or not but the op is speaking of k3 or cr1

We were approved with using only unemployment compensation. I only submitted my 2008 income tax returns, my bank statements, and the benefit award letters. I also submitted a letter from my previous employer verifying income earned early in the year and last date worked.

My affidavit of support was accepted with no problems.

One verified case of it being used with nothing else but taxes and bank statements.

However it is always best to not take the risk get cosponsors

It's "fuzzy math".......

Congratulations!!!

I'm way late to the party but

Congratulations!

Congrats!

Yes, the first thing he said was that now he can hold his daughter. We are so very happy. Thank you everyone.

Wow! no more getting on the webcam with little t-shirts that say I love daddy. She can slobber on him for real now.

It feels real nice.

To those with upcoming interviews, I wish you the very best.

My husband went for his medical exam today in Naples and they sent him to do biometrics at the consulate afterwards. They then decided to interview him the same day. He was not due for his interview until tomorrow. After the interview he was congratulated and told to pick up the visa tomorrow!....

He was simply asked about how we met and if we have had the baby.

We are relieved and overjoyed. My husband will be able to hold his daughter for the first time very soon. I want to cry.

Thank you everyone on VJ. I don't think I would have been able to do this without your lovely support and great advice.

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Some of us take our advice from the Bible which has got married couples through hard times for 1000s of years and some of us like to take advice from Dr. Phil and use his catch-phrases like the word "Deal breaker"

Obviously there is too much alcohol involved in the situation and the man needs to detox.

And I'm not trying to use the bible to justify poor behavior...I sent that bible passage as a way to help her and him.

Anyway...there is only 1 "deal breaker" in marriage and Jesus told us what it was. Unfaithfulness. Getting alcohol thrown in your face, or having your spouse threaten suicide is part of the "for better or WORSE" category, its not a "deal breaker" even if it is incredibly disrespectful. You also said that pouring alcohol on a person is a demeaning and violent act that most men would not consider. When a man is drunk you have no idea what he is capable of which is why the bible tells us not to be drunkards which is what this man is. Most of you probably have very kind husbands, but if you got them drunk, all day, everyday for a few weeks, then started yelling at them, Even the kindest of husbands could be capable of committing that act as their judgment goes out the window. Im not justifying it, im just telling you the cause.

Good luck to the OP.

Andrew

I don't watch or listen to Dr. Phil, sweetheart. But nice try.

There are many ways to be unfaithful to your wife.....I'd say that when he said to her that his alcohol was all he had...........he chose to turn to the alcohol instead of turning to his wife with his problems. What ever the reason; HE chose to do that and is obviously not able to cope well with his life situations. Remember he took vows of for better or worse as well. So he also needs to be able to work beyond the difficulties. If you are saying the only deal breaker is unfaithfulness, IMO he IS being unfaithful to her. He is sleeping with the bottle. He has abandoned his wife and children, for a bottle and he is misguided in thinking that it is all he has.

I had not said that alcohol throwing nor attempts at suicide are deal breakers. I said they are demeaning and violent acts in this situation.

Anyway...there is only 1 "deal breaker" in marriage and Jesus told us what it was. Unfaithfulness.

So are you telling me that if your wife plotted and successfully killed your child, and was never convicted, you would be able to continue your life with her in the same manner, because Jesus said unfaithfulness is the ONLY "dealbreaker"?

That's some old B.S. Be realistic and stop telling me what Jesus said. In comparison to the size of the text, there are very few lines in the Bible that are believed to be actual words that Jesus spoke. I will not get into my religious stance here....although It is probably not at all what you'd assume. I'm just tired of people acting like if someone is having a rough time in life it's because they are not reading their Bible. Life is more complex than that.

Listen.....many people are able to quote the BIBLE...full book....chapters...verses...lines.....all that. They can do it from memory and can seemingly apply it to everyday life situations...at best in arguements where they try to take the moral high ground. My opinion is that the words you have tried to apply to this situation...just don't fully fit. Telling someone to let there be beauty in your ways so that should your husband not believe, he will see, in you, that beauty which is your faith, is something quite different than telling a woman to be submissive to an alcoholic. I agree with you that she may be able to prevent the escalation of events by not reacting to him. But she should also not keep her children in that environment. We have to be realistic. When the other person becomes a danger to himself or others it's time to open the eyes and see the situation for what it is today not dreamy eyed tomorrow land.

So if I hear you correctly, she is most likely the reason he is getting drunk. she is the reason he has lashed out. she is the reason for it all. This woman chose a man that was wrong for her or she is wrong for him. Either way, I hope she doesn't take your advice and stay. The children don't benefit from her staying. She needs to think of the safety of her family and let him get better when and if he is ready...but on his OWN time. The main purpose for marriage is for the raising of children. He has failed them and she has the right to protect them. That's what mother's do...they protect their children.

Because when he realizes that he can't hurt her with his suicide attempts....he will become more desparate for control over her. The next step will be to seriously hurt her if she tries to leave again. This is all about control.

You don't play around with it and think that passages in the Bible are the same as the situation you are in today. When it has escalated to this point it is time to be drastic and remove yourself and the kids from harms way. I know women who have done exactly what you are suggesting, and they somehow had the strength to show up to work each day with their black eyes and bruises all along saying that maybe if they didn't do this or that. One woman said maybe if she didn't wear blue he wouldn't hit her anymore....because he doesn't like blue. She honestly thought that, because she had tried everything else already.

Now if the situation were that they are both hot headed and argue like regular folks do sometimes..then I might agree with you more. But when the arguements escalate to lives being threatened, its time to get into protective mode.

either way....the person who does not have an ssn will have the blank space where the ssn would have gone on the joint return.

I'm assuming you are talking about filing a return in the US.

The W9 is the form that aliens fill out in order to get a taxpayer Identification Number(TIN). If there is a joint account in the US that is interest bearing, the W9 should have already been filled out and an ITIN number assigned by the IRS. If you already have an ITIN number then that number is used instead of the ssn for aliens that do not qualify for an ssn at the time of filing.

You will be best served by visiting the IRS website at www.IRS.gov....or calling them. They are more than happy to help you out. You can also download the W9 form from the IRS website.

I'm not a tax specialist so please call the IRS for the best advice

This answer will vary depending on the consulate you are interviewing at. If you can share where you are interviewing at, members will be better able to help you.

OR you can call the consulate and ask. For some consulates you will need to schedule your medical exam and for others the medical exam is already scheduled for you. (for example the Naples consulate will already be set for the day before the interview...no need to make an appointment). You would want to know well in advance which applies to you, especially if you will need to travel a long distance, make arrangements for overnight stay in another city, or simply need time to gather all of the associated fees.

Good luck

My understanding is that you leave the ssn area blank for him and you attach a w9 for him to your return. The IRS may assign an ITIN number if he does not qualify for an ssn yet.

But I'm sure other VJ'ers who have already done this will provide a better answer. or You can call 1800 IRS 1040 and speak to a representative who can give you the best way to approach this.

What does that mean? Is that a nice way of saying you are both selfish? Obviously the guy loves you so much he doesnt want to live without you or the very least he just wants you attention because you dont give enough to him. Some women only dream of being loved so much.

1 Peter 3 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, 2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. 3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. 4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. 5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, 6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Both of you need to read your bibles as it sounds like you are BOTH out of control to me. Submit to your husband (as is fitting to the Lord) and dont yell back at him if he starts yelling. He will not yell for very long if you dont escalate it by yelling back. If you speak calm when he yells, he will stop yelling.

Andrew

Bahahahahahah...........this doesn't sound like it is coming from a person who has ever been abused. I always find it interesting when people use the BIBLE to justify poor behavior as if it is something that is acceptable in the eyes of the Lord. It is very telling.

Pouring alcohol on a person is a demeaning and violent act that most men would not consider just because his wife spoke back to him. Sorry but although I do hold the marriage vows and commandments very high....there are such things as deal breakers. Also, being submissive to a truely abusive person will not make them see the beauty in you. OH, I take that back.........they will see that you have been kind to them always.....but they will realize it when death is at the door, because now they are worried about getting into heaven. Lovely........

I say, let God do his work. If he again threatens to kill himself, it might be his time to go. Al you can do is Be kind as suggested previously and make certain he has health insurance, access to professional help, and maybe some family to help see him through his tough times. Yes, it is true that you did not choose wisely, but it doesn't mean that you keep yourself and your children in harms way.

To Andrew: What seems to be going on here is not just typical arguing that can happen in families. Also. when people threaten to kill themselves, it is not because they can't live with out you....it is their last ditch effort at controlling the emotions of the other person and hurting them....it is not the same as love.

When a person loves you, they do everything possible to keep themselves safe and healthy so that they can be there and be strong for your every need.

You don't need to read the Bible to have an understanding of that....and people who read the Bible are just as likely to have poor behavior as those who don't............because it takes more than just reading to live a good life.

I hope the OP will be strong and do what is in the best interest of herself and her family. Best Wishes