mojorayjones

Thanks everybody who made sincere and earnest replies. I was really only looking for advice on how best to serve her, what to tell the USCIS, etc...

Like I posted, I had already come to terms that the marriage had failed. I didn't really need any relplies on "what she is really up to", or me needing to "step back" because I had a wife and not a dog. I always thought VJ was a great website with concerned members but was a little shocked to read that I had been "kicked to the curb" and have to face it, while I'm sitting here drinking a tall ice tea in my home where I work. Doesn't feel like street living to me, hmmmmm. Sounds like that person posting it is just revealing what's happened to themselves.

And I already knew about having no AOS vs having filed it, etc.. Divorce vs. Annulment. But thanks anyhow.

I just wondered what other people had done in my situation and what worked best. Thanks to all the people who gave straightforward, clear, tactical advice, like doing the Divorce by Publication, which I've definitely considered.

Fact is she is very docile, scared person. Some people here posted that she is some highly sophisticated scammer, which is not valid. She is young and both of her parents are dead. She is running around because she is panicking about going back to the Philippines, and if the people in ARMM are as bad as people say, then she has the right to be scared. Just because a marriage has failed doesn't mean that you have to be enemies. You can still care for them, even if they are not co-operating.

I will have her served in the next few days, and it should be over soon. I guess I will call the USCIS and tell them what's up. Thanks again everybody who posted the advice that I was looking for.

I think your reply is quite narcissistic. I have in no way been kicked to the curb. She is the one without a definite place to stay nor is her visa status secure. I have a nice home, my own career, and a secure life. She is actually begging me to come back, but I won't let her.

I was just asking advice on how to serve her and about the USCIS. I always think guys who make posts like this are just revealing that they have serious problems in there own relationships and feelings of inadequacy and somehow feel you are showing others you are a "man" by making insensitive statements like yours. Get real. Good luck.

flipping is usually the way to transition from one to the other. azz, gas, or grass, nobody rides for free.

I think a spouse has the right to demand certain things. Especially if my spouse is in the US under a K1 Visa, there are rules and requirements. You just can't do whatever you want. I just want her to comply with the terms of the visa. You act like I'm keeping her in my garage on a leash, when I give her a great home and brought her to doctors, bought clothes. So I think you are totally over reacting. Demand is not a bad word.

Yeah, I have to say the "shouldn't she comply with my demands" part made my skin crawl. I don't know you from Adam but you might want to figure out some things about yourself. Any guy that believes that his fiance or wife should comply with his demands makes me a little nervous.

Your marrying a person not training a dog. Time to take a step back.

Hi Everybody; My wife and I were only married for three months and we mutually agreed the marriage was failing. I have not filed for her AOS. She told me she was going to live with her cousins. She has three first cousins living close to us who are married to American men and are residents. I was OK with that arrangement because we were not getting along at all, I thought a little break away from each other was appropriate since she would be with family members whom I know, and know their addresses. But instead, she moved several hundred miles away (3-4 hr. car ride) to live with a Filippina friend of her's who is also recently married to an American. She has been illusive about her exact location.

She claims to co-operated with me, but then she won't tell me exactly where she is and what address she is at. I have done some research on her current address, but I'm not certain if the address I came up with is correct. I have filed the papers with the court for an annulment and now I have to serve her. She keeps telling me she will return to her cousin's house (very close to my home)but she does not return. It has been about 6 weeks since I've been trying to get her to come back. We communicate by phone and email. I have offered to come pick her up, support her, get her immigration help, but she refuses. She says she will return to her cousin's on her own "soon" but it doesn't happen. I told her I would help her as much as possible to get her status adjusted and not get sent back to the Philippines if at all possible (since she is from ARMM she probably could get political asylum and has lots of family in US already). She concurs the marriage has totally failed, but she is panicking now. She will often get emotional on the phone and irrational.

She is staying with an American man and his newlywed Filippina bride who has been here less than a year. I have requested that the American man call me. He does not. I feel that they are inappropriately harboring my runaway wife, when she should be close to me at her family's home, or in my home until we figure out how to adjust her status. She has so many cousins here married to American men, I'm sure she could get them to sponsor her and adjust her status, but her cousins are rather AWOL on this whole marriage melt down too. They have not been in touch with me since she left.

Since she is on a K1 visa and since I'm the sponsor, shouldn't she be complying with my demands to tell me where she is and to come back to live with me or her family? Is the American man and his wife whom she lives with breaking any laws with the USCIS or terms of the Visa?

I think I can get her served with the court papers but what steps should I start taking with the USCIS? Any other advise on her to get her to co-operate with me to return to live with her family or me if absolutely necessary is appreciated. I've been trying to get her to co-operate and be a nice guy, but now I feel like I may need to take more drastic steps involving the USCIS and a processed server.

Thanks in advance. I know its a long post, but wanted to give you all the juicy details.

That should not be a problem at all as long as it's legal. And I don't see why it would be considered illegal. Just keep a paper trail, like Western Union, and keep tabs on why you sent the money, even if it was just as a gift. You should not have a problem. If you are really nervous, contact the USCIS directly and ask them if it would be a problem. If you have nothing to hide, you are fine.

Hello everybody,

i`m the nonUS citizen and i wanted to ask you if we would have any problem if i send a one time Western Union to my fiancee.

Usually he`s the one sending me money but this time we have a situation where i need to send.

Now, what i`m afraid of:from what i`ve heared usually at the interwiew i have to show evidence that he sends me money to prove i`m not paying him to help me imigrate or something like that.

Do you think they will know about this western union and will it cause problems if they do?it`s a one time thing

Thank you

Thank you very, very much for your thoughtful and candid advice. You are a big help to me hearing your perspective. I have been asking myself many times why she is not thinking more like you have described and to be willing to actually work through a problem and be honest with each other. She prefers instigating 'drama' by acting emotional or provoking my emotions. Once again, I've asked her to spare the drama and really work on this relationship. It's not like it's totally her fault things aren't working out, but she has not done much to resolve our problems. Now demanding the AOS makes me nervous going into uncharted waters in a relationship that is not very stable. I want to help her regardless, but she has her own ideas. Thanks again.

I don't agree with adjusting her status first to see if her behaviour will improve. She is a partner in this marriage and she should be putting in equal effort to make it work. If something is bothering her then she needs to discuss it with her spouse and not keep running to her cousins. You are the only one who can tell if your wife is truly invested in the marriage but just not being able to express herself or if she is only concerned about her GC

I agree with Vanessa&Tony. I have always known that if my marriage did not work out I would be heading home. AOS and getting a job would not be the 1st thing on my mind. We have had fights but not once has the thought crossed our mind that adjust my status and I will get a job and we can part. In your case it just might be a blessing in disguise that the AOS has not been filed yet. It is a big financial responsibility you are taking. If its for a person who is not even invested in this relationship, its not worth it.

I just want to say thank you for your thoughtful input. Just to let you know, I have talked to her many, many times about what I think must change, including all the time at her cousins homes. She has spent a lot of time with them, since she first arrived, which I thought was normal at first, but now she spends more time with them. You're right about the Stokes interview. A big concern with me has been whether we have that much in common and are on the same wavelength in life plans. I love outdoors and California lifestyle, she is not very comfortable unless she is with family singing Karaoke. I don't mean to be sarcastic, but that's sort of how I perceive her. I brought her out to a restaurant last Sunday, an East Indian Restaurant (because she like spicy food), that costs about $50 for us both. She was complaining that we weren't sending the money to the Philippines for her 'poor' family. If I don't bring her out, she complains we have no dates. It' like a lose-lose situation for me.

Thanks for your input. I appreciate it.

I've read the other peoples posts about how Filipino's are, and a post about about the CFO seminar putting the fear of god into them about AOSing before I-94 expiration ... but given your post above I have a few qns.

- when she first arrived, did she spend time with you?

- Has this "spending time with family" been since she arrived?

Those qns are because if she did start off okay, spending time with you, happy to be with you, then it COULD be fear that you won't AOS.

- have you talked to her about spending more time at home with you?

- do you two talk? Do you know stuff about each other? Do you think you could pass a Stokes interview? (example qns: http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_some_sample_stokes_interview_questions )

- how was the wedding? Did she seem happy?

Those questions relate to what sort of relationship you have. Whether you saw she was happy to be marrying you. Whether the wedding was about the two of you joining together, or if it was more a "celebration of a step in the process".. if you catch my drift.

My relationship with my husband is almost identical to a relationship I would have with someone from home. He just happened to live here in the US. The reason I mention that is because for me, my relationship works wonderfully, we are on the same ground in relation to language, morals, religion and more or less way of life (Western culture). There IS a culture clash between you and your wife, and you need to be sure that you aren't hoping she'll be/act more "American" or more what you're used to and that that isn't what you're noticing.. just the differences between what you expect, and what she has to give.

Personally if I had family in the same town I would spend time with them too.. but not EVERY day. My husband works so I would spend time with them while he's at work. Have them show me around, show me things. I would make sure I was home in time to cook dinner (I enjoy cooking for my husband, he doesn't "expect it") and to ask him about his day and to spend time with him. I ENJOY spending time with him, talking to him, going out places with him. I would have my relatives over here for dinner, or go to their place WITH my husband. Again, this is ME, but I would hope that most people who spent so long apart would be like me, relishing FINALLY being together.

You need to ask yourself whether you feel there is anything there. If you wife suddenly changed and spent more time with you, would you apply for AOS? Would you trust that she didn't just "change" so that you would? Do you LOVE your wife? Can you not imagine life without her? Are you simply depressed that it's not like how you thought it would be? or are you sensing that what should be there isn't?

I've told my husband from the beginning that I would go home if this didn't work out. He NEVER thought this was for a greencard, and I was shocked to read someone above saying he married his wife "wondering". Only you know what you are willing to put up with. The AOS is a big responsibility. I wouldn't have let my husband sign the I-864 if I didn't know for a fact that we love each other and will be together for a long time. I've been here since Sept 09, we've had maybe 2 disagreements, not arguments, misunderstandings at the worst. Not everyone is like that, but I would like to think most try to make it work.. it doesn't appear to me that your wife is.

Once again, best of luck with your decision.

Thank You and everybody for all your candid input. I met her when I went on a vacation to the Philippines in 2008, and I had no intention to get engaged to anybody. I was traveling with my American friend and neighbor who is married to my wife's first cousin. She introduced us. The story gets rather complicated as my wife is from Tawi-tawi in Sulu, which is a dangerous part of the PI, Americans are not recommended to travel there. However, I met her in Bohol.

I thought having her cousins here would be an asset, but she has spent most of her time with them. Her one cousin lives only four houses down the street from us. She is heavily influenced by them even when they are not so right about things.

One thing that concerns me is that my wife is never happy. She is 'bored' around the house, which has a large yard, and plenty to do here. Internet, local cafes, nice neighborhood with parks, etc... She really wants children badly, but I told her we need to wait a couple years. Her cousin has four young children, so she enjoys their home environment a lot, in part because she is a midwife in the PI. So she is not patient, or very mature when we talk of these serious plans. She wants everything now.

I have a hard time getting my point across to her regarding finances, the current economic situation, and our future together, as compared to the future of her whole collective family.

Today she came home and announced she is moving in with her cousin (which actually takes some burden off me because she is so influenced by them, I realized our marriage is not healthy). I told her the AOS is definitely a no-go then. She got upset of course. I think I'm gonna by pass the AOS, and move on. I did very well as a bachelor before, and in no way am I devastated by the situation. Of course I feel bad, but things need to change.

Thanks for all your help. VJ is one great web site because of all the caring people involved!

Very interesting case.

As posted above - you have limited options, but at my first read through of your post, "GC fraud" popped up. I also find it strange she has three family members in the same town, married to USC's, toss in that her family will pay the filing fee since your thinking of divorce prior to the AOS, my warning bells start to ring (I have seen this pattern in other similar cases of fraud).

Not knowing how you meet, etc., I cannot make a clear reading on it - but you have to make your own decisions.

Again, as pointed out above - you will still be on the hook for the 864 if you follow through with the AOS, however, since her family is willing to pay you, I doubt that would be in play.

You will also have to consider the state your in, divorce may cost more than you think.

Choose wisely.

Thanks for everybody's input. I have definitely picked up some valuable information. For those that are encouraging me to give the marriage a chance, I am doing that. But since she has a large family here in the US, she spends most of her time with them (she comes home at night usually) and we are not growing together. She just escapes to their homes. So that has made it difficult.

Thanks everybody! Visa Journey is a great web service. Please feel free to continue posting advice.

I married my wife in the end of December 2009, and the marriage is not turning out to be what either of us expected. We have talked about splitting up many times because it doesn't look like we will resolve our problems, but we do care about each other.

We have not applied for the Adjustment of Status, and she is pressuring me to file it. I have delayed filing because of our personal problems, but more so, because I haven't had enough money handy to pay the fee. Now that divorce looks like a likely reality, I'm not sure it is even practical to file it. She seems to think she will stay here and work and live with cousins and friends. She is from the Philippines but has three first cousins that live right here in the same town as us, who are married to Americans, and have lived here for years. She has a decent sized social network here that rivals my own. She always talks about getting a job, and says she will not return to the Philippines no matter what. I told her there are rules the government has about all that stuff.

She gets upset if I mention divorce, but she also admits that the marriage is not very stable. She is as unsatisfied with things as I am. She wants me to file for the AOS, but I'm hesitant because I told here if we divorce it would be worthless. Her family has even offered to pay for the filing fee.

I'm wondering if I should go ahead and file for her AOS, or just be realistic and move forward with a divorce. Furthermore, because we have waited, her K1 visa expired on March 1. But we were married on Dec. 22, 2009. She is worried she is in violation. I think she's OK, as long as she's married to me.

Thanks for your help in advance; my world has bee turned upside down lately and I need some advice if you have any experience in these matters.

If you can print some sort of chat history with your names and the time and date it would be acceptable. I called my fiance almost every day with a company called Rebtel. They provide a history of calls including who made the call and who it was to, which can be printed. My fiance was very new to email, but we included a few of those also.

The more proof you have, the more efficient the approval process will be, so get some sort of printed history or start using a way that can provide that. Good luck.

I left a few spaces blank on the visa applicatons, Ds-156 and DS-157, blank so that my fiancee can fill them out in person. Is it OK for her to complete some of it in black pen? She moved a few times in Manila because her boarding house had problems, so I left her Manila address blank, so she could fill it out in case she moved. I filled her passport number out in pen, because it took a while for me to find it.

She is worried the whole form needs to be completed on the computer. I just told her if it's completed in black ink and singned by her, it will be fine.

Does anybody know what the scoop is on the rules for the visa application, if it needs to be totally printed up on computer, or if you can complete some parts in pen.

Thanks.

Start Here:

http://manila.usembassy.gov/wwwfk1en.pdf

then here:

http://manila.usembassy.gov/wwwh3023.html

Good Luck

Thanks! I've got the appointment now.

The USCIS approved the I-129F! Hurray. The National Visa Center forwarded the papers to US embassy in Manila. I called the embassy and they confirmed they had arrived. I also received a letter from Bureau of Consular Affairs with a case number. They gave me the 1-909-101-7878 number for her to call to make the appt. and said a confirmation letter would be sent to her. But I've read on VJ that she will actually have a package sent to her. When she tried to call the number yesterday several times, she could not get through at all.

Does anybody know if she will have a package sent to her, or if she needs to call the number and make an appt. first?

We're happy and relieved, but a little confused right now.

Thanks for your input everybody. I actually called the USCIS yesterday, and found out how to make a request for expediting. They have a web page with a criteria listed; then you yourself need to request usually in writing expediting, and tell them why you think you qualify.

That's how it's done I guess. I'll let people know what happens.

Thanks.

How many of these problems go away if you marry her and apply for a spouse visa?

Hi, Thanks for your suggestion, but the spouse visas take as much as twice as long as the fiance visa. That is why we did not marry the last time I visited her.

Hi. I'm looking to send the I-129F package off today. I found VJ very helpful after getting some bad advice that I paid for.

My fiance is from the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao (ARMM), the Island and Province of Tawi-Tawi to be exact, in the Philippines. Currently she is residing in Manila in a boarding house while we wait for the embassy to notify her.

The laws in ARMM allow men, to marry any woman they want, if they present a dowry. The family could reject the "proposal" by matching the amount of the dowry, which is virtually impossible for most families. Furthermore, polygamy is allowed in ARMM. That's right, good old Polygamy! It's Legal! Therefore, a woman, can find herself married to a strange man they do not love, who has several wives.

My fiance is 22 years old, a Licensed Midwife, and both of her parents are deceased. Several men were pursuing her as a bride; men she did not like at all. She is Catholic, and they were Muslims. She has many Muslim friends, in fact her best friend is a Mulsim woman, and she worked in a hospital with Muslims too; but did not want to marry these men. All of her sisters are legally and happily married, so they are not eligible. She has no brothers, her parents are dead.

Furthermore, the ARMM, and the Sulu Sea area, is well known as home of the terrorist group, Abu Sayaff. When I was there in January 2009, three Red Cross Workers were kidnapped on Basilan Island. The region is no stranger to terror and war.

After we got engaged in July 2008, she remained on Bohol Island, with her cousins. Bohol is not part of ARMM, therefore she was not subject to the strict marriage laws. She moved to Manila recently to be close to the embassy, but she also wants to continue her career as a Midwife, just to stay industrious and of course generate income. She has not found a position in Manila yet. I am supporting her, like I have been since I met her.

Is there anybody with experience in getting the process expedited? I think my fiance is in a different situation than most. She is vulnerable in her own country, in her hometown, and now she is a young lady in Manila for the first time, scary. I actually have to support her financially to keep her away from ARMM, where her she once had a job in hospital and a house she still owns (she inherited from her Mother). I can handle this, but it's not easy.

Do the State Department or Embassy take any of these things into consideration while reviewing the Applicant?

I appreciate any thoughts or advice, especially from anybody who has been in a similar situation.

Thank You in advance!

Hi. I'm looking to send the I-129F package off today. I found VJ very helpful after getting some bad advice that I paid for.

My fiance is from the Autonomous Region of Muslim Mindanao (ARMM), the Island and Province of Tawi-Tawi to be exact, in the Philippines. Currently she is residing in Manila in a boarding house while we wait for the embassy to notify her.

The laws in ARMM allow men, to marry any woman they want, if they present a dowry. The family could reject the "proposal" by matching the amount of the dowry, which is virtually impossible for most families. Furthermore, polygamy is allowed in ARMM. That's right, good old Polygamy! It's Legal! Therefore, a woman, can find herself married to a strange man they do not love, who has several wives.

My fiance is 22 years old, a Licensed Midwife, and both of her parents are deceased. Several men were pursuing her as a bride; men she did not like at all. She is Catholic, and they were Muslims. She has many Muslim friends, in fact her best friend is a Mulsim woman, and she worked in a hospital with Muslims too; but did not want to marry these men. All of her sisters are legally and happily married, so they are not eligible. She has no brothers, her parents are dead.

Furthermore, the ARMM, and the Sulu Sea area, is well known as home of the terrorist group, Abu Sayaff. When I was there in January 2009, three Red Cross Workers were kidnapped on Basilan Island. The region is no stranger to terror and war.

After we got engaged in July 2007, she remained on Bohol Island, with her cousins. Bohol is not part of ARMM, therefore she was not subject to the strict marriage laws. She moved to Manila recently to be close to the embassy, but she also wants to continue her career as a Midwife, just to stay industrious and of course generate income. She has not found a position in Manila yet. I am supporting her, like I have been since I met her.

Is there anybody with experience in getting the process expedited? I think my fiance is in a different situation than most. I actually have to support her financially to keep her away from ARMM, where her she once had a job in hospital and a house she still owns (she inherited from her Mother).

Do the State Department or Embassy take any of these things into consideration while reviewing the Applicant? My fiance is fearful to return to Tawi-Tawi due to the laws there and the extremist rebels.